I am struggling because I have been zapped of my fortitude and ability to withstand stress. I have no family. My siblings are all dead. My homelife is chaotic to say the least. There are very few moments that aren't marked with screaming--and I mean blood curdling screaming--fighting, yelling, slamming doors, extremely heavy footfalls upstairs--so heavy that the dust shakes off the ceiling fans, more screaming, messes everywhere, kids everywhere and into everything. And the cost of everything is rising crazily too. Absolutely insane price increases across the board on insurance and food and gas and this and that. I am beset with health problems too. But there's nothing that can be done. I look around and I wonder "is this what life is all about? How have I failed so poorly."

The weather has also been awful. I don't know about you, but I am to a point where I feel truly amped up and start shaking when the weather is that bad. I worry about insurance premiums, how I'm going to keep my family calm during the power outage, why I haven't bought one of those backup generators yet, why I suck at being a provider, if I will have to boil water, how to stop the flooding in the low spot of my yard that just doesn't drain well (it takes 2 days to drain, but when the water's coming in that fast and coming up to the door it's scary).

I don't know if I'll ever make it out of these years. I don't know why I am still here. I don't know why I am still trying. I need to lose some weight and get my mojo back.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5530101&forum_id=2/#47673776)