Just past 4 p.m., the automatic doors slid open with a mechanical groan, and in swaggered Chingada Madre. His grin was wide, his eyes gleaming with the sadistic joy of someone who had baited AutoAdmit poasters into rage cycles for over a decade.

Evan felt the hairs on his neck stand up. "Not today," he muttered, gripping the edge of the checkout counter like a lifeline. He tried to duck behind the stacks of cereal boxes, but it was too late.

Chingada Madre strolled up, his voice dripping with mockery. "So, this is where you've ended up, huh, Evan? Trading BigLaw briefs for expired canned goods?”

Evan’s face flushed red with indignation. "How dare they!" he blurted out, seemingly unsure if he meant Madre or the universe itself. “At least I’m doing something honest, unlike your troll ass. What do you want, Madre?”

Before Chingada Madre could respond, a familiar face appeared from the dairy section. It was Mainlining the $ecret truth of the univer$e, his trademark sunglasses reflecting the flickering lights, wearing an old leather jacket over a tattered Harvard sweatshirt. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, Mainlining was unmistakably a twink — fit and lean, with that gorgeous, flowing hair that Evan found both maddening and irresistibly charming. He carried a small, mysterious briefcase, the kind that suggested both high-stakes espionage and unpaid parking tickets.

Mainlining grinned as he approached. "Oh, I’ve been waiting for this moment," he drawled. "I’ve got a plan... as usual."

Evan’s eyes widened, a flicker of admiration and something else passing through them. “Mainlining! You actually came!”

Mainlining tapped his forehead with two fingers. “Of course, friend. When the Holy Trinity is threatened, one must act.”

Chingada Madre, realizing he was now outnumbered, tried to back away, but the sound of a revving motor filled the store. Suddenly, Boom came barreling down Aisle 4 in his motorized wheelchair, a furious expression on his face. He skidded to a halt next to Evan and Mainlining, his chair still vibrating from the speed.

“Madre!” Boom shouted, pointing dramatically. “Your trolling days are over. The Holy Trinity has convened, and we’re about to pass judgment.”

Madre sneered, "You think I'm scared of you, Boom? What are you going to do, run over my foot?"

Boom, unfazed, whipped out a can of spam and lobbed it at Madre’s head with surprising accuracy. "I’ll do more than that, you son of a bitch!" he shouted. "Mainlining, execute phase one!"

Mainlining nodded and snapped open his briefcase. Inside was a small, portable device labeled "The Machine." He flipped a switch, and the device began to hum ominously. A small antenna extended, and a faint blue light glowed from within. "This, my friend, is a mini EMP," Mainlining said with a wicked smile. "Designed to short out all electronic devices in a 10-foot radius. That means your phone, your vape, your fake hearing aid, everything."

Chingada Madre’s face paled. “What the hell is this?”

Evan stepped forward, holding a mop like a staff. “This is justice, Madre. Internet style.”

Boom revved his wheelchair again and charged, knocking Madre into a pyramid of canned beans. As Madre flailed, trying to regain his footing, Mainlining aimed "The Machine" and pressed a button. A soft whirr filled the air, and suddenly, all the lights in the store flickered and dimmed.

Madre’s phone sparked and went dark. His Bluetooth earpiece exploded with a small pop. He stumbled backward, dazed. "You think this is over?" he yelled, a wild look in his eyes. “I’m just getting started!”

“Now, Evan!” Boom shouted. “Phase two!”

Evan grabbed a cart full of expired dairy and ran full tilt at Madre. With a Herculean effort, he launched the cart forward, and it slammed into Madre with the force of a freight train. Milk and yogurt splashed everywhere, drenching Madre and sending him sliding across the floor.

Mainlining nodded approvingly. “Perfect. Now for phase three. Execution time.”

The Holy Trinity gathered around the helpless Chingada Madre, who lay sprawled on the floor, covered in dairy and beans. Boom pulled out a massive can of whipped cream and shook it menacingly. Mainlining produced a roll of duct tape from his briefcase.

“Any last words, Madre?” Evan asked, still unable to take his eyes off Mainlining's hair, which seemed to glow even in the dim light of the grocery store.

Madre groaned, “You’ll never get away with this...”

Boom, ever the man of action, leaned in close. "Too late, Madre. We're going to make you the best-dressed troll at the Pearly Gates." With a swift motion, he unloaded the whipped cream all over Madre's head, giving him the appearance of a snowman who had been in a bar fight.

Mainlining quickly taped Madre’s hands and feet, binding him to a shopping cart. “Time for the grand finale, boys,” he said, his eyes glinting with mischief. "To the dumpster, he goes."

Evan and Boom pushed the cart to the store entrance, the automatic doors opening slowly. They wheeled Madre outside to the dumpster area, which was conveniently located on a steep incline. With one final shove, they released the cart, and it careened down the hill, picking up speed as Madre’s muffled screams echoed through the parking lot.

Boom saluted. “Mission accomplished, gentlemen.”

Mainlining dusted off his hands. “A job well done, as always. I’ll let the Machine handle the rest of the clean-up.”

Evan clapped them both on the shoulders, a little longer on Mainlining, as he murmured under his breath, "How dare they think they could challenge us?"

The Holy Trinity walked back into the grocery store with a victorious swagger, the sound of Madre’s cart hitting the dumpster with a satisfying crash echoing in the distance.

Evan’s heart swelled with a mix of triumph and something unspoken for his twink hero with the luscious locks, knowing that together they had defended their realm once again — until the next troll dared to challenge them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5596051&forum_id=2/#48097071)