The sun barely peeks through the blinds of a cluttered studio apartment. Posters of inspirational quotes like “Climb Every Mountain!” and “The Peak Awaits!” are plastered on the walls, next to a giant, hand-drawn map of the Grand Tetons. Disco Fries—known for his sharp wit on AutoAdmit and his less-than-sharp fitness routine—stands in front of a full-length mirror.

He’s sporting a brand-new neon climbing outfit that looks painfully tight around his midsection, which spills over the waistband. A half-empty two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew rests on the kitchen counter nearby, next to an open bag of Cheetos.

DISCO FRIES:

(Determined, patting his belly) Alright, Teewinot, you sneaky bastard. You might be tall, but I’ve got… determination… and a solid carb reserve. Time to prepare for your challenge.

He grabs the Mountain Dew and takes a big swig, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He claps his hands and launches into what he proudly calls his "mountain readiness program."

INT. DISCO FRIES’ APARTMENT - DAY ONE

Disco Fries kicks off his "training regimen" with "Mountain Awareness Meditation." Sitting cross-legged on the floor, he places an unopened can of Red Bull on his head, which is a bit tricky due to the soft folds of his double chin. He closes his eyes, inhaling deeply, and hums loudly.

DISCO FRIES:

(Chanting) Feel the altitude… become the altitude… Channel the spirit of Sir Edmund Hillary… or at least some guy named Ed…

The can slips off and hits his forehead. He jolts up, rubbing his head but nodding with satisfaction.

DISCO FRIES:

(Confidently) Perfect. Preparing for falling rocks already.

INT. DISCO FRIES’ APARTMENT - DAY TWO

Disco Fries decides today’s focus is on cardio. He sets up a small step stool in the middle of his living room. He steps up and down furiously for about twenty seconds before collapsing onto the couch, grabbing his two-liter Mountain Dew bottle and chugging it like he just crossed the Sahara.

DISCO FRIES:

(Wheezing) Who knew… mountains… were so… steep?

He grabs his phone and Googles "Do you have to be in shape to climb a mountain?" He nods thoughtfully at the answers but then shrugs and takes another gulp of Mountain Dew.

INT. GYM - DAY THREE

Disco Fries stands on a treadmill at the local gym, which he’s set to its highest incline. He’s wearing a sweatband, which is already drenched. As the treadmill moves, he clutches a bag of Doritos in one hand, munching away as he takes painfully slow steps.

DISCO FRIES:

(Talking with his mouth full, to a confused gym-goer) Gotta keep the energy levels up, you know? Carb-loading… all the experts swear by it!

The gym-goer, still confused, nods politely and moves away. Disco Fries takes this as a sign that he’s on the right path.

INT. DISCO FRIES’ APARTMENT - DAY FOUR

Deciding he needs to improve his grip strength, Disco Fries grabs a couple of greasy chicken wings from last night’s takeout container. He practices peeling off the skin, licking his fingers, and then wiping them on his neon climbing pants.

DISCO FRIES:

(Confident) Gotta be ready for those slippery rocks. Plus, I hear bears like the smell of chicken… need to train for distractions, right?

He sets the chicken bones on the floor and then attempts to walk across them, treating them like a rock garden. He slips, stumbles, and crashes onto the floor.

DISCO FRIES:

(Dazed) Nailed it… exactly as planned.

EXT. PARK - DAY FIVE

Believing he needs to practice "terrain adaptability," Disco Fries heads to the local park. He begins jogging with all the grace of a man who hasn't jogged since middle school, randomly jumping sideways, spinning around, and occasionally rolling on the ground.

DISCO FRIES:

(Panting) Just… like… navigating… a boulder field…

Children nearby stop playing to stare. A parent quickly pulls them away, shooting Disco Fries a concerned look. He waves enthusiastically, convinced he’s setting a good example.

INT. DISCO FRIES’ APARTMENT - DAY SIX

Sitting on the couch with a laptop open, Disco Fries watches a YouTube video titled “How NOT to Climb a Mountain: A Beginner’s Guide.” He takes notes furiously, underlining the phrase "Do not bring unnecessary items" several times.

DISCO FRIES:

(Scribbling notes) Got it. Pack light.

Cut to Disco Fries packing his gear: a drone, a selfie stick, a mini-fridge filled with Mountain Dew, a portable gaming console, three cans of cheese whiz, and a framed photo of his favorite pizza place for "motivation."

INT. DISCO FRIES’ APARTMENT - DAY SEVEN

For his last day of preparation, Disco Fries decides to “simulate high-altitude conditions.” He climbs onto his kitchen counter and starts fanning himself with a pizza box.

DISCO FRIES:

(Squinting into the imaginary wind) Gotta prepare for those high winds on the summit…

He loses his balance, toppling off the counter and landing awkwardly, scattering crumbs everywhere.

DISCO FRIES:

(Groaning, from the floor) This is… all part of it…

EXT. TRAILHEAD, TETON RANGE - DAY OF THE CLIMB

Disco Fries finally arrives at the base of Teewinot Mountain. His outfit is even more ridiculous in the sunlight: neon gear, a massive backpack stuffed with "necessities," and a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew in a baby carrier harness across his chest.

DISCO FRIES:

(Mumbling to himself) Alright, you glorious chunk of rock… it’s you or me…

He takes one determined step forward, immediately tripping over his own shoelace and crashing face-first into the dirt. A nearby seasoned hiker approaches, looking concerned.

SEASONED HIKER:

(Concerned) Hey, you okay there? Need any tips or advice?

DISCO FRIES:

(Mumbling, face in the dirt) Advice? Nah, I’ve been training all week. (Pauses) Just… warming up.

He gets up, dusts himself off, and heads back toward his car, a broad smile on his face.

DISCO FRIES:

(Chuckling to himself) Better spend a few more days perfecting my chicken wing grip exercises…

The seasoned hiker watches in confusion as Disco Fries walks away, already mentally preparing his next ridiculous training routine, convinced he's just a few sessions away from mountain mastery.

FADE OUT.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5593350&forum_id=2/en-en/#48078932)