Today, after I asked him to stock the produce section, he clutched his chest like he’d been hit by a sniper. “Evan, you’re triggering my anxiety. Legally, I’m entitled to an immediate stress break, friend.”

Without waiting for a response, he vanished. Two hours later, I found out he’d been chain-smoking by the loading dock, FaceTiming his girlfriend about “the mental toll of this OPPRESSIVE workplace.”

Meanwhile, I was left explaining to Karen #34 why kale isn’t “mature spinach.” She accused me of lying and suggested I “educate myself on leafy greens.”

HR’s take? Tabitha, licking the frosting off a donut, barely contained her amusement. “Law’s the law, Evan. Maybe check your cognition—I trained you on this ordinance months ago.” She chuckled. “You’re lucky Jerry’s not filing a complaint.”

Finished Jerry’s shift, bagged groceries solo, and muttered, “Yes, friend. This is fine.”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5630883&forum_id=2/en-en/#48314915)