Let me have your attention for a moment! So you’re talking about what? You’re talking about... (puts out Kamala’s cigarette) ...bitching about some debate where you didn’t land a blow, some polling numbers that tanked, someone who doesn’t want what you’re selling. Some PAC that isn’t returning your calls. Let’s talk about something important. Are they all here?

Podesta:

All but one.

Carville:

Well, I’m going anyway. Let’s talk about something important! (to Walz) Put that coffee down! Coffee’s for closers only.

(Walz scoffs)

Do you think I’m messing with you? I am not messing with you. I’m here from D.C. I’m here from the big donors, and I’m here on a mission of mercy. Your name’s Kamala, right?

Kamala:

Yeah.

Carville :

You call yourself a candidate, you nigger bitch?

Kamala:

I don’t have to listen to this shit.

Carville:

You certainly don’t, bitch. ‘Cause the good news is—you’re fired. The bad news is you’ve got just one month to secure your legacy, starting tonight. Starting with tonight’s town hall. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. Because we’re adding a little something to this race. As you all know, first prize is the Presidency. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize is a book deal. Third prize is—you’re out. Done. You get the picture?

(Kamala, seething)

You’re laughing now? You’ve got voters. Big donors paid good money to reach them. Get their votes, convince them! You can’t close the voters you’re given? You can’t convince shit? You are shit. Hit the bricks, pajeet, and beat it ‘cause you’re going OUT.

Biden:

The voters are weak.

Carville:

The voters are weak? The voters are weak? No, you’re weak. I’ve been in this game fifty years.

Kamala:

What’s your name?

Carville:

FUCK YOU, that’s my name! You know why, madam vice president? Because you took the bus to get here tonight, and I flew in on a private jet. That’s my name! (to Biden) And your name is “you’re old.” You want to play in this game? You want to take on Trump again? You can’t even get through a speech without losing half your audience.

(whispers to Kamala)

You go home and tell your husband why the campaign’s a mess.

(louder)

Because only one thing counts in this life: Get the voters to show up in November! Get them to mark your name on the ballot. Sign them on the line which is dotted. You hear me, you fucking faggots!

(Carville flips over a blackboard, revealing two sets of letters: ABC and AIDA.)

Carville:

A-B-C. Always Be Canvassing. Always be canvassing!

A-I-D-A. Attention, Interest, Disenfranchisement, Action. Attention—do I have your attention? Interest—are you interested? I know you are because it’s fuck or walk. You either get the Votes or you hit the bricks! Disenfranchisement—have you suppressed the white working class turnout? Action—are you out there getting it done? A-I-D-A. Get out there!

You think the voters are sitting on their hands? You think they came to your town halls to hear about your memoirs? No. They came to hear what you’re going to do. They’re waiting for someone to lead them. Are you going to step up and take it? Are you woman enough to win?

Kamala:

Oh, yeah, you’re such a big deal, huh? You’ve got all the answers, but you’re down here with a bunch of bums?

(Carville smirks, takes off her expensive watch)

Carville:

You see this watch? You see this watch? This watch cost more than your last two campaign ads combined. I made $77 million last quarter. How much did you bring in, Kamala? You see, that’s who I am. And you? You’re nothing. Token female? I don’t give a shit. Good ground game? Fuck you—go back to prosecuting potheads. You want to run this country? Close!

(to Kamala)

You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse you cocksucker? You can’t handle this—how are you going to handle the GOP slamming you in every debate? You don’t like it? Leave. I could walk into a battleground state tonight, spend half an hour in a diner, and lock down votes. Tonight! In 2 hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A. Get mad, you nigger bitch. Get mad! You know what it takes to win the White House?

(Carville pulls out two brass balls on a string, holds them up.)

Carville:

It takes brass balls to run a campaign. Go and do likewise. The voters are out there. You pick them up, they’re yours. You don’t? I have no sympathy for you. You want to campaign tonight and win? Win. If not, you’ll be sitting in a Georgetown café next year, saying, “Yeah, I was in politics. It’s a tough racket.”

(Carville takes out a stack of new voter data and hands it to Podesra.)

These are the new ballots. These are the Glengarry ballots. And to you, they’re gold. But you don’t get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away.

They’re for closers.

I’d wish you good luck, but you wouldn’t know what to do with it if you got it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5612832&forum_id=2:#48205982)