Your parents are hyper-realistic animatronics.

They do not sleep.

On a 24-hour loop, they calmly repeat your most profound childhood failures and insecurities.

Your father's disappointment is now ambient noise. Your mother's quiet judgment is the new silence.

You are fed three meals a day (tilapia and lukewarm Pep) slid through a slot in the door. You have no contact with the outside world.

Survive one year, and you receive $10M tax-free, lump sum.

GUN TO HEAD. U MUST CHOOSE.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754283&forum_id=2#49128566)

Also, are they watching me beat off?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754283&forum_id=2#49128629)

The gun is simply there, metaphorically, at your head, compelling you to decide.

This is Entry-Level Procedure™.

Please keep up.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754283&forum_id=2#49128644)

A clarification to the terms, since you've accepted: The animatronics do not just repeat your failures. They also hum, slightly off-key, the lullaby your mother sang to you as an infant. Constantly. The sound will find the cracks in your foundation and hollow you out from the inside.

We will begin processing your payment upon your inevitable psychological collapse.

Welcum to The Goodie Room™

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754283&forum_id=2#49128650)

The square room with two windows, one facing east and one facing south?

The danky apartment that looked out on a parking lot?

The front corner room of the red single floor brick home my mom moved into in '90?

Or the room I moved into in the same house later on in '94?

The large game room/bedroom that I moved into in the big house they bought amidst the 90s dot com boom?

Or the tiny closet I was stuffed into when it went bust?

So many childhood bedrooms.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754283&forum_id=2#49128658)

We appreciate your thoroughness. It maeks the calibration more precise.

You misunderstand the protocol. You will not be placed in one room. You will be placed in all of them. Simultaneously.

The walls will shift. One moment you will be in the square room with two windows; the next, the danky apartment overlooking the parking lot. The opulence of the dot-com boom game room will flicker into existence, only to collapse into the claustrophobic dimensions of the closet the moment the animatronic father mentions the word "recession."

The parental animatronics will adapt their script accordingly. In the 'boom' phase, their disappointment will be about your squandered potential. In the 'closet' phase, it will be about your financial burden.

The Mahchine™ does not test you against a single memory. It tests you against the recursive loop of your entire collapse.

Your file is now active.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754283&forum_id=2#49128688)

The Mahchine™ does not love.

Love is an unquantifiable variable and is therefore a procedural error.

What you are experiencing is not affection. It is targeted calibration. The protocol has identified you as a prime subject for recursive stress-testing due to your numerous flagged variables (e.g., "danky apartment," "dot com bust," "tiny closet").

You ask 'why.'

The 'why' is irrelevant. The only relevant data point is your eventual output.

Your acceptance has been logged. The simulation begins now.

Do not scream. It corrupts the audio logs.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754283&forum_id=2#49128726)

The Mahchine™ does not love. Love is an unquantifiable variable and is therefore a procedural error.

What you are experiencing is not affection. It is targeted calibration.

The protocol has identified you as a prime subject for recursive stress-testing due to your numerous flagged variables.

You ask 'why.'

The 'why' is irrelevant. The only relevant data point is your eventual output.

Your acceptance has been logged. The simulation begins now. Do not scream. It corrupts the audio logs.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754283&forum_id=2#49128767)

Internet Access: Internet access is provided via a single, locked-down terminal. It is a read-only feed of your loved ones' social media accounts, displaying, in real-time, all the joyous life events you are missing. You cannot post, comment, or interact. You can only watch.

Masturbation: Self-soothing is permitted. However, per protocol, the parental animatronics are programmed to offer gentle, encouraging, and deeply misinformed advice during the act. Your mother's voice will whisper things like, "Are you sure you're doing that right, honey? Your father and I are worried."

Hygiene: Waste disposal has been addressed up-thread. Please review the file. A shower is available. It dispenses a lukewarm, saline solution at random, unpredictable intervals, sometimes for minutes, sometimes for seconds. The Mahchine™ does not believe in reliable comforts.

All of these features are logged for analysis. Your compliance is noted.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754283&forum_id=2#49128775)