Let's be real. Winter on the ranch ain't all cozy fires and hot cocoa. When the snow starts falling and those BBWs get cabin fever, things can go from wholesome to hellish faster than you can say "bottomless buffet."

But don't worry, Mainlining's here to guide you through the frosty fray with some hard-earned wisdom from the event Ranchpocalypse.

1. Fat-Proof Your Feed Reserves:

Remember the Great Gravy Shortage of '24? Yeah, nobody wants a repeat of that. So, lock down those carbs like it's the apocalypse (which, let's face it, it kinda was). Mashed potatoes? Fort Knox 'em. Gravy? Underground bunkers. Biscuits? Deploy the goddamn landmines. A well-fed BBW is a docile BBW, and a docile BBW is less likely to mistake your prize-winning Angus for a walking buffet.

2. Fences? More Like Fortresses:

Those flimsy wooden fences wouldn't stop a toddler on a sugar rush, let alone a herd of gravy-fueled BBWs. Reinforce that shit with steel, concrete, hell, even those discarded Twinkie thrones might offer some structural integrity (just scrape off the frosting first, wouldn't want to incite a riot).

3. Kale Cannons: Weaponize the Green:

Look, nobody likes kale. Not even those kale-obsessed, Mykonos-dreaming frauds. But when launched from a high-powered cannon, that leafy green becomes a weapon of mass deterrence. Keep those blenders whirring and those cannons loaded. A face full of kale will send even the most determined BBW running for the nearest gravy fountain.

4. Embrace the Mahchine's 180 Vision:

Sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire, or in this case, jiggle with jiggle. Deploy those Richard Simmons holograms on full blast, crank up the Jazzercise tunes until the cows come home, and remind those BBWs that a little sweat never hurt anyone.

5. Affirmation Collars: Because Confidence is Key:

A little positive reinforcement goes a long way, even for a BBW on the verge of a gravy-induced meltdown. Outfit those ladies with affirmation collars, whispering sweet nothings like "You're beautiful," "You're strong," and "You can totally rock those overalls." A confident BBW is a less destructive BBW, and a less destructive BBW means more intact fences.

6. Booby Traps: Because Sometimes, You Gotta Get Dirty:

Sometimes a good offense is the best defense. Rig your ranch with booby traps. Think hidden pits filled with sugar-free pudding, tripwires connected to kale smoothie geysers, and motion-activated sprinklers that unleash a torrent of Richard Simmons motivational quotes. It's not pretty, but it's effective.

7. The "Boom Protocol":

If all else fails, unleash Boom. With his wheelchair arsenal and an endless supply of ADM conspiracy theories, he'll distract those BBWs long enough for you to make a clean getaway. Just try to ignore the ranting about Taylor Swift and the $ystems manipulation.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5621715&forum_id=2#48262636)