pretty sure i'm gonna have to end things tonight
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: January 29th, 2010 5:21 PM Author: light histrionic elastic band
Do not do it in person.
Also, if your building has security, make sure they know that he is not welcome.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13953819) |
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Date: January 29th, 2010 5:25 PM Author: mauve federal garrison
it's not gonna be an explicit breakup
it's gonna be a "if this is all about sex and we can't do platonic stuff, too, i don't think i want to be involved in this relationship"
and he'll probably decide i'm not worth the effort
i touched upon this thru texts earlier
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13953855) |
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Date: January 29th, 2010 5:30 PM Author: mauve federal garrison
no
this is going to determine whether he's interested in me as a person to hang out with or just in the sex
based on texts exchanged earlier, i think it'll turn out to be the latter
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13953907) |
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Date: January 29th, 2010 5:37 PM Author: doobsian church building
this.
plus the 4th possibility that he just gets turned off by this he's just not that into you playbook litmus test BS and tells her to fuck off.
and the fifth possibility that this is all flame
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13953974) |
Date: January 29th, 2010 5:22 PM Author: Bistre institution trump supporter
Hey, since search isn't working-- did we ever end up hearing from MOW? I haven't been on XO much recently, but I remember being pretty worried for a few days.
Edit. Okay, so this isn't a suicide thread, my b. Who's OP? I'm on a mobile.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13953824) |
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Date: January 29th, 2010 5:37 PM Author: greedy sanctuary wagecucks
Non-responsive, so I'll repeat -
Dude, that was such a random poast that could have no other discernible purpose. You really should have waited until someone asked you where it was going to occur, but you couldn't stifle the giddy anticipation building within and had to try to slip it in.
You're responding to every poast in this thread immediately, it's not like you would make that independent poast unless there was something you wanted to put on the table that couldn't be made in response to a q you wanted. This is flame.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13953975) |
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Date: January 29th, 2010 7:51 PM Author: razzle indirect expression messiness
your problem is you were born upper middle class and never had to truly fend for self or deal with any shortage of true life staples. you clearly have too much time on your hands and too much mind to know what to do with it.
you're mostly bored out of your mind and need an exciting life or other stupid stimuli so you do stupid shit and think you need stupid stuff.
i recommend someone dump you in haiti for a couple months with meager resources.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13955412) |
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Date: January 29th, 2010 7:50 PM Author: iridescent vivacious principal's office dragon
As someone who seems to have something in common with this guy, you'll never have a normal relationship. He'll manipulate you just enough to keep you around, and probably like the damage and psychodrama he inflicts on you. By doing as little as he can to keep you around, and by knowing you wrestle with it, he derives much more from the relationship than you do. It may be incredibly erotic from it, but you're being used. Depending on how long this goes on, respectable men with options won't touch you, unless you base the entire relationship on a lie about what happened with this fellow from the outset. I don't know who you are, but others do, and you're not very zealous about guarding your identity. There's a chance this could come out, and that likelihood increases each day you post here about this.
I don't really care one way or the other. I'm not trying to be condescending. But you're a smart girl - exercise some future-time orientation.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13955408) |
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Date: January 29th, 2010 8:00 PM Author: iridescent vivacious principal's office dragon
You think you do, but you're going to get in over your head. He told you he fucked 34 girls - even if his number is 1/3 of that, that's a considerable amount of experience. You're probably not the first girl he's done this to and probably tested you for this kind of compliance very early on through sexually explicit text messages that you didn't object to right away.
The point is that he won't treat you like a person. He'll put on minstrel shows about how he's trying, and give you a week here and there, but always keep you disoriented and nervous. Even if you claim to hate him, you'll be willing to give yourself up to him to get what you want, because he's deluded you into thinking you'll get if you just jump through one more hoop, do one more degrading act, and diminish yourself in some new way.
I know you're 18 and think you're invincible. For someone who's good at manipulating people, especially younger girls, you're not. In fact, your relative inexperience in these situations makes you more of a prospective victim than you realize. I'll drop the "he'll kill you in an alley hyperbole," because the damage he does to you will be much harder to undo and damage your future relationships until you address it.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13955494) |
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Date: January 29th, 2010 8:15 PM Author: motley locale
The poster above and the psychologist are both right. There's nothing wrong with the sort of sex life you want, at all, if it happens inside of a loving, respectful relationship. Outside of that context, it really is abusive, though.
You might feel like you're enjoying the abuse, and that it's thrilling, but you're being preyed on, and you're being damaged. The sort of sex you like can be emotionally harrowing, no matter how much you try to rationalize it away, and if you're not comfortable that you're significant, even special, to your partner, it's just going to get ugly.
EDIT: And unfortunately, you decided to do things out of order, and withholding what's already been given is very, very hard, even in the strongest relationships.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13955607) |
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Date: January 29th, 2010 8:32 PM Author: rose ape fat ankles
old people here don't get start drinking until 10 or 11, because they're faggots
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13955766)
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Date: January 29th, 2010 10:12 PM Author: light histrionic elastic band
This flame has clearly jumped the shark. It played out exactly as one would expect it, if they wanted to titillate xo:
1) I'm going to break up with him
2) We had sex (some form of it) before talking about anything
3) Afterward we magically worked out the issues, enough so that I will stay in this messed up relationship and keep the flame alive.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13956692) |
Date: January 30th, 2010 2:26 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
okay i'm back.
idk what to say about the conversation... basically, i talked about how i don't want to be in this relationship if he's just using me for sexual stuff, and that even though i trusted him i felt like i shouldn't put so much trust in him at this point in time, not knowing him well... blah blah blah. and he told me sincerely that he wasn't planning on doing anything i wasn't comfortable with. and i really have no reason not to engage in this relationship if it's what both of us want. i mentioned stuff about it "ruining" me or whatever and he was like "what do you even mean" and i was like "you know... market value..." and he was like "that's such a jewish way of thinking of things" and then elaborated that he's probably not the best person to talk to about that because he fucks a lot of women and doesn't think much about that sort of thing.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13958981) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 2:40 AM Author: motley locale
I'm pleased he managed to navigate that tricky line of questioning.
"Will you force me to have sex if I don't want it?"
"Uhh... no?"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959115) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 2:36 AM Author: Multi-colored deranged den kitty
seriously, you need to take a step back and look at your life here.
either 1) you're trying to get in a serious relationship with an objective scumbag, or
2) you're wasting your friday night, as an undergrad, flaming a bunch of law students
i'm pretty drunk right now so i'm telling you this as someone who doesn't know you and hasn't talked to you much on this board and really doesn't give a shit about this whole situation, flame or not. people say you're attractive (i don't know, i've never seen any picture posted here), and you're obviously smart, so jesus fucking christ stop being a stupid child, stop getting off on your own bullshit neuroses ("oh, i hope i have something to say to my therapist!"), and go out and find a NORMAL UNDERGRAD GUY to be in a NORMAL relationship with, jesus fucking christ
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959089) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 3:06 AM Author: confused burgundy stock car
Couldn't agree more.
People are making a pretty big deal here, but in reality a huge percentage of females (both of good breeding and bad) loose it to a guy who's a few years older and has a good poker face.
2 weeks after she gives it up he'll say she's being "neurotic" and he "needs a girl his own age." The world will keep going around.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959293) |
Date: January 30th, 2010 2:55 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
okay it's starting to get to serious stuff
he asked if i'd buy him pizza and i was all "omg you're using me" (like half-jokingly but not entirely b/c this has come up before) and he was like "if you feel used don't do it. seriously, don't do anything you're not comfortable with."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959213) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 3:02 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
lol this is a good exchange
"i'm really paranoid! i have no self-esteem!"
"you're a fuckin' idiot. you're very pretty; you shouldn't be um... you shouldn't base your self-esteem on that anyway. also you're NOT FAT AT ALL, also i don't care if you're rich or not or whatever"
"okaayyy it's just like... objectively... it's possible that you just view me as a jappy, rich..."
"yeah it's possible. it's also possible that i'm gonna rape and kill you in three days."
"is that a warning"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959274) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 3:07 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
*he laughs*
"no, no, i trust you, i think you're genuine"
"it's possible that i'm gay and just doing this for appearances"
"that's why you needed a video"
"yeah i needed to prove it to people, see guys i'm straight"
"...and you really don't post the videos online, right?"
*scornfully* "no i'm not gonna ever post your videos online"
"videos plural?"
"i'd get in trouble. yeah i took two videos"
"yeah i'm seventeen"
"are you?!"
"no i'm eighteen"
"no your parents are wealthy and jewish; i wouldn't wanna mess with them. plus i'd never do that to anybody; that's awful."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959301) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 3:10 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
"agreed. i mean, i'm not like trying to make you out to be a horrible person or like i suspect you of being a horrible person. i just have to be, you know, on my guard with new people. you're a freakin' stranger from the Internet."
"mmhmm"
"and it's possible that *something i can't make out and don't remember*"
"it's possible!"
"stoppp you're scaring me" (clearly joking)
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959315) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 3:19 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
"should i trust you?"
"ummm... iunno"
"if i... go too long without wanting to have sex will you force it on me"
"no" (LOL okay joyshtick you called that) (but it was about gauging the WAY HE SAID IT)
"you'll just be like 'fuck it'?"
"no"
"i just feel like, objectively, if i were somebody else, i'd be like, 'you can't really trust a random guy you just met'"
"you sound like you should be drinking some organic tea when you say that. 'objectively...' trust me to what? what aspect? what does that mean? what are you talking about?"
"i mean trust you not to like... (a) take advantage of me, (b) mutilate and kill me..."
"i would not--i would never mutilate or kill you"
"...but the other one?"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959382) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 3:25 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
"what's (c)"
"...you didn't address (a)!" (i am aware that this all sounds AWKWARD AS FUCK written down. but i say things like this as a giggly teenage girl so i get away with it)
"we'll talk about that after (c) what's (c)"
"ummm (c) was... i think i was just gonna go further with the killing thing, like 'cut me up'"
"okay. oh. well if you... i mean... i just asked you to buy me a pizza... isn't that taking advantage of you?"
"...but you were okay with...?"
"what other choice do i have what are you talking about"
"i don't know!"
"if i were actually trying to manipulate you i'd be trying to trick you into buying me pizza in some bizarre way or something" <-- that was a paraphrase; his phrasing was a wreck
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959430) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 3:29 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
(some boring stuff)
"i guess i mean... taking advantage of... i guess physically? i mean, aside from as much as i WANT to be taken advantage of."
"don't you like what we're doing right now"
"yeah. but, again, there's always the, you know, what if you cross my... lines...?"
"i won't. *some reassuring stuff i can't make out*"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959452) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 3:34 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
"but like, will you get bored of me, if i don't want that for a long time?"
"nah, i like getting head. feels great."
"i don't know what to think! *pause* i mean, i guess if you get bored of me, then we'll worry about that then. are you bored of me yet?!"
"no!"
"i mean, getting head from someone is better than nothing, right?" <-- dumb to say on many levels i know
i have no idea what we say after this; i think it has to do with the texts i sent him earlier and how he was all "i don't have time for platonic stuff!" idk
then we start talking about how often he works
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959483) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 3:49 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
"...also, it's like, okay. so objectively, if i were somebody else, i would be like, 'don't date somebody who just wants to do... sexual stuff... and nothing else' but subjectively... i want it... you know?"
"mmhmm"
"do you understand can you help me resolve this dilemma"
"just do what you want"
"but it's a risk benefit analysis"
"what's the risk?!" *mockingly* getting your heart broken?"
"no... being used and... turning into a worthless whore"
"mmm... i dunno if it's that big of a risk. i mean, i'm doing the same thing you're doing"
"but there's a double standard! ... that was a Brown thing to say."
"i don't think i'd be worried if i were you. i mean if you like me. if you like me and you respect me, then, um..."
"do YOU respect ME? hmm?"
"hold on i'm thinking... i'm going down one track. i don't think you should worry about it. i'm not gonna shit all over you."
"literally, or..."
"figuratively"
"i mean, yeah, subjectively, i agree. but like, everybody... NOBODY would do ANYTHING that foresight would tell them would... ruin... them. so by that logic, there are people who are doing things that they--well, either they lack foresight completely, or--"
"well, some people want to be ruined, and that's a self-destructive thing, and also what are you talking about, being ruined by doing sexual stuff? that's really Jewish, that's a Jewish way of thinking..."
"i dunno, like... *some stuff i can't make out*"
"that's a bad way of thinking of things"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959586) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 4:32 AM Author: iridescent vivacious principal's office dragon
because you're not. you're rationalizing your role in this as being for fun, and giving him tests he cannot possibly fail to make you feel like less of a slut, but you're in it for the fun if it's a safe place. you're stupid enough to think he's going to give it to you. Tricial McMillan's analysis is the best in this thread - this guy is not only unstable and dangerous, but insecure as well. He didn't promise you anything; he just assured you that you're not the slut whore that you feared becoming. Meanwhile, every single poster warning you about this guy has been vindicated in this thread. He has made zero concessions, but your perception that he will has more or less given him carte blanche over you, despite your denials. Nothing will change and, as this slogs on for weeks, your sympathy on the board will die like your chances of dating any man of integrity (unless, of course, you selectively erase this sordid affair from your memory).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959709) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 3:59 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
"...but i dunno! it seems like people who do... who engage in sexual--purely sexual--relationships..."
"...are disgusting people?"
"...are lowering their market value!"
"that's a Jewish way to think about it. umm..."
"no, are you, are you not familiar with this type of thinking or do you just disregard it?"
"yeah, if a girl's like, if a girl's had sex with over a certain number of people i think they're a disgusting whore"
"okay"
"piece of shit. trash."
"okay. and if a girl engages in sexual things with somebody in a relationship, or whatever, that is... purely for sexual purposes..."
"i don't know. i guess i don't care. i don't respect them anyway. i'm not the right..."
"yeah, you don't care, exactly"
"not the right guy to talk about--i'm not the right person to talk to about this. 'cause i don't... *can't make out*"
"yeah, we have to go back to that whole... you respecting me thing."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959626) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 4:09 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
"i, i don't respect you, i don't know you very well. i don't know what there is to respect necessarily... i think you're"
"you could respect people by default, and then..."
"i think i do respect you by default... i think you're smart, and you're very pretty, and *some stuff i can't make out*"
"but like as a person..."
"i don't know you very well!"
"yeah, and if... *can't make out*"
"well we're talking right now, aren't we?"
"mmhmm"
"*something quiet* i mean, honestly, i... want to do... everything... i want to, but again, from any other person's point of view, i don't know! it's like... what i know i should or should not do..."
"god"
"am i talking way too much about stuff that *something something*"
"you're worrying too much"
"can i REALLY trust you not to overstep"
"yeah! *something something*"
"okay."
"okay?"
"i mean it's easy for you to say that NOW..."
"i won't. i really won't. i never have. and on that note, i'm gonna go home"
*trivial conversation as he gets his stuff together*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959647) |
Date: January 30th, 2010 4:54 AM Author: mauve federal garrison
i'm going to sleep. thank you guys for your concern, and i'm sorry to those of you who are frustrated with what you perceive as poor choices. but i really... i don't want to live my life according to, you know, what would be the smallest... deviation from the norm... and yeah, i know what you guys are saying implicitly with "this isn't normal" is "this isn't normal BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY RISKS ASSOCIATED WITH THE SITUATION AND NOBODY INTENTIONALLY ENTERS INTO DANGEROUS SITUATIONS"--but as i get to know him better and what i perceived as risks start to seem sillier, i feel like you guys are clinging to this idea that this whole thing isn't right because it's so, you know, off-center... but that there's ultimately nothing not-okay about it. i'm happy; he's happy; he has no reason or opportunity to hurt me in any way. if enjoying this relationship makes me a worthless slut who will never score a decent man, then hey, that's the fate i've earned.
i'd be happy to address specific concerns tomorrow.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959737) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 6:00 AM Author: Hyperactive appetizing trailer park
The risk associated with *The SITUATION* has to do with the fact that he sleeps with a bunch of trashy sluts who party on the Jersey Shore.
He has STDS!
by *The Situation* I am referring to the cast member on MTV's Jersey Shore.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959848) |
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Date: January 30th, 2010 6:00 AM Author: greedy sanctuary wagecucks
You are actually running IRL flame now to get attention on xo. I suggest you divulge to your therapist exactly the degree to which you share on here, and provide her with a link to these threads.
Stop fucking dragging this dude into your online jersey shore. You're here by choice; he's not. People know who he is. In response to your email, yes, I blocked you on gchat.
Also, tE is dead on; you select the weakest arguments people make as straw men, and ignore the stronger ones.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13959849) |
Date: January 30th, 2010 1:32 PM Author: Lascivious swollen point laser beams
Pro Tip:
Interacting with The Box is much less frustrating if you completely disabuse yourself of the notion that you will ever convince her to make major changes to her life.
That said, Box, if you DO ever break up with this guy, I found the perfect BF for you. He's Jewish, an undergrad at Brown, and into "violent fantasies". We're gonna get you dating weirdos who are your age and go to school with you, before finally moving you on to normal guys who are your age and go to school with you. Contact me if interested.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1206410&forum_id=2#13960813) |
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