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Going to call it a day on live-in GF of 4+ years, making me avoidant
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:42 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Tonight for instance. Staying home despite some goings on that I would normally enjoy. Told her I was feeling run down from work stuff and need some time to just hang out. She of course tried to hunker down with me but I encouraged her to go solo to the point of damn near pushing her out the door.
Haven't been engaging friends as much and ducking family who know and like her. The whole fiasco of cutting off a LTR when we're past mid 20s and everybody is assuming a nuptial track is too much to deal with. I'm going to be a fucking villain for months. She'll go berserk, cry, make me feel awful. Worrying about this is intruding on my life already, which should be fine save for this situation. People won't accept the real reason for call it quits and there will be constant suspicion about what really happened.
Should I just suck it up and enter a someone that I merely care for? The fallout from doing what I want is truly making me contemplate alternatives. Driving my car into light pole, as an example, and then blaming the eventual breakup on a TBI-related personality shift. Not flame. I thought about this multiple times last weekend when she was really getting on my nerves. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:44 PM Author: marvelous bossy casino national security agency what exactly is the problem.
you describe fearing various consequences but don't describe what's gotten you to this point in the first place bro |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:49 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Not seriously attracted to her anymore, haven't been for a long time. Getting sick of her to the point where stupid shit pisses me off. She constantly laughs hard at her own jokes and she has come to constantly gossip about people we know. She's incredibly entitled, treats people poorly, and is very complacent about the relationship. She wasn't like that when I met her.
I'm not interested in kids right now but I like the idea of the option. She wouldn't be a good mother or balanced partner in a family household. She's kept it together remarkably well for late 20s but I am certain she'd start getting lazy in a marriage and gain weight. The behaviors of being too comfortable to give a shit are already creeping in. We're very compatible but too much on the friendly level for my taste.
This is a frequent and awful XO complaint and I'll justifiably get lit up for it but here goes. She's smart, but she't NOT ON MY INTELLECTUAL LEVEL. Probably read less than 20 novels in her entire adult life and most of those were shit like Jodi Picoult and Harry Potter. She's a social media and smart phone addict. I am not exaggerating when I say that. She compulsively checks her phone and looks at social media feeds like a teenager and she has no decorum or self-awareness with it. She has no serious interests of hobbies outside of shrew badges like travel and 'foodie' pursuits. All these things are innocuous on their own but when the fundamental attraction is gone, the compendium of grievances starts to weigh heavily.
The bottom line is I see no future in it and want out. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:50 PM Author: boyish ticket booth shitlib If you're not attracted to her that's a big deal, so is if you think she won't make a good mother. Her not being on your "intellectual level" is shit flame. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082199) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:51 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I agree. I am also so annoyed by a lot of the dumb stuff she does all the time that it makes me into a shittier person when we're doing things together. Very negative vibes all around and she is oblivious. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082204) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:23 PM Author: Bistre maniacal sanctuary associate You: an xo megaposter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082429) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:24 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I've been posting on XO more since things soured on my end, not at all a coincidence. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082443) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:00 PM Author: Bistre maniacal sanctuary associate Jk I love u and I want to be ur rebound boyfriend (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082607) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:23 AM Author: Charcoal Water Buffalo Temple (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084959) |
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Date: May 6th, 2017 3:45 PM Author: aphrodisiac university jewess (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33245300) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:59 PM Author: Silver Giraffe Field I don't think it's flame. If you are the kind of guy who can spend all day with intellectual masturbation you probably are going to find someone who has read less than 20 books in their lives pretty fucking boring and contemptible after a while. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082272) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:01 PM Author: Iridescent Rigor Milk Cr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082284) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:02 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082294) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:56 PM Author: puce awkward hairy legs dump her. but you're a fag for the "not on my intellectual level" line (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082237) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:58 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Yes I know. It wouldn't be an issue if everything else was great. I don't expect a romantic partner to be some kind of profound intellectual foil and I'm not particularly intelligent to begin with. It's more like we're much different than she has some kind of painful deficit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082259) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:00 PM Author: puce awkward hairy legs (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082280) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:22 PM Author: Spruce House-broken Boltzmann Lol at expecting women to be hot geniuses that also stay at home barefoot (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082422) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:24 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Wait what are you saying this is somehow unrealistic tell me more bro. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082431) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:57 PM Author: Arousing chrome toilet seat tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082593) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:58 PM Author: chest-beating lascivious office sex offender How did you let yourself get stuck in this position? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083435) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 11:03 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Well, it's like this. Things were really great and then they started to change but I didn't just immediately throw in the towel because I care about her and we were still pretty happy. Then we were kind of on cruise control for a while. I got very busy with work for over a year and there were a lot of other things happening in our lives that kept us distracted and somewhat indifferent to the relationship. Then a few months ago I started to snap out of it, took some personal accounting, and realized that I wasn't very interested in this person anymore. It wasn't a snap judgment and I mourn the end of the relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083468) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:28 AM Author: Charcoal Water Buffalo Temple Not to be a dick, but this is EXACTLY what women do as opposed to what men do. That's why women file 75% of divorces and are already over the marriage before it ends, whereas men usually feel blindsided and "never saw it coming!" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084968) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:30 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye I don't know about that, man. This comment is about on the level of some Steve Harvey routine. "Women be all like _________. Men? Now men? You know we men be all like _________!" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084972) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 2:48 PM Author: Tan Hall You are immature, not ready to get married, and have unreasonable expectations (like being as attracted to her 4 years later as you were initially). There is probably no future, but it is not her doing. Not trying to be mean here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33086691) |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 11:22 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I don't think this is mean. I'm not into her or the relationship anymore. I don't think any amount of 'work' is going to correct me. I don't really see where maturity factors in but I think it's pretty common for people to associate relationship endurance with maturity, for many reasons. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33115713) |
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Date: April 20th, 2017 7:31 PM Author: Hairraiser theater "Probably read less than 20 novels in her entire adult life and most of those were shit like Jodi Picoult and Harry Potter. She's a social media and smart phone addict. I am not exaggerating when I say that. She compulsively checks her phone and looks at social media feeds like a teenager and she has no decorum or self-awareness with it. She has no serious interests of hobbies outside of shrew badges like travel and 'foodie' pursuits. All these things are innocuous on their own but when the fundamental attraction is gone, the compendium of grievances starts to weigh heavily."
every non aspie woman ever |
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Date: May 6th, 2017 3:42 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye No, not true at all. There are many people who like reading, art, performance, and continuing education but are not self-impressed dilettantes.
I think XO is also weirdly indulgent of phone and internet addiction, which I guess shouldn't come as a surprise. The phone stuff really bothers me and it was something she would never acknowledge or attempt to work on. It's maddening being in a relationship with a person that needs to interact with a smart phone dozens of times an hour, day in and day out. |
Date: April 15th, 2017 7:44 PM Author: Deep razzmatazz elastic band Whats wrong with her? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082153) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:49 PM Author: boyish ticket booth shitlib cq (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082188) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:49 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye See above. Just a bunch of whiny bullshit on my part but I'm just not into the relationship anymore. She's a great person and didn't do any one thing to drive me away. Just happened. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082189) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:46 PM Author: Contagious generalized bond (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082163) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:48 PM Author: frum turquoise dragon multi-billionaire Dump her. My wife is 180 and if i had settled for someone with issues i'd have never met her (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082180) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:54 PM Author: Big sweet tailpipe legend What's 180 about her (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082219) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:58 PM Author: frum turquoise dragon multi-billionaire Always positive, doesn't talk bad about people behind their back, never argues, very levelheaded, laughs at my jokes, not clingy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082264) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:04 PM Author: Aggressive sienna filthpig (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082305) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 12:21 AM Author: Big sweet tailpipe legend Damn (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083976) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:48 PM Author: insane vermilion nursing home psychic this is every LTR in your 30s dude. it wont get better with her or anyone else. if she doesnt have the classic red flags of a cheating whore, then just lock it down and find contentment in other aspects of your life (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082181) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:50 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I at least want casual sex with more people until I am too old and ugly to pull it off. I have realistic expectations otherwise but if I'm going to settle I want to get back out there for a while. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082195) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:51 PM Author: insane vermilion nursing home psychic if you're not going to cheatmo- and you shouldn't- then you'll be rolling the dice on who you end up with in a few more years when the malaise of life has taken an even deeper toll on your psyche. Sounds like a gamble worth taking!
women aren't going to, and aren't meant to, make you happy. they're business partners to run the household, and theyre surprisingly good at it |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:52 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye When things were getting going I cheated on her a few times, regrettably. Try not to be a cheatmo generally although it's fucking LOL at how seriously we take that shit. Sexual fidelity is an obsessive preoccupation in middle class america. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082210) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:54 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles and how often does she fuck around on you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082217) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:55 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Who knows. I have been unbelievably shitty to her at times during the last few years so wouldn't be terribly surprised if it happened. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082228) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:55 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles since you believe monogamy is a scam, you should probably let her know she can take BBC without feeling guilty. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082235) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:58 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I think you're slightly overstating my position. I know you've had your battles with this and you're now a hardcore marriagemo, so I'm trying to take it in context. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082267) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:01 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles I've always been committed when I am committed. Sure it's hard but if you care about someone enough to be committed to them, then you should not do things that would hurt them terribly were they to find out. If you have an open arrangement or whatever, that's fine.
If you don't care about someone enough to be able to not betray them for the most fleeting of pleasures, then you should probably end the relationship for their sake. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:03 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye This is really uncharacteristically sanctimonious for you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082304) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:07 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles I think its shitty to be that selfish with someone you love and shitty to lock down someone you dont love.
I was selfish in dating for a lot of years, but I made an effort to avoid commitment because I knew I couldn't stop being selfish at that time. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:09 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye That's great, you're a good guy. Still not sure why I can smell anger on your posts ITT. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082335) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:46 PM Author: alcoholic carmine kitchen messiness Kill yourself (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083365) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 11:12 PM Author: Olive fanboi Harsh but probably fair (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083513) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:28 PM Author: Soul-stirring toaster 180 Cr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083257) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:54 PM Author: Big sweet tailpipe legend What do you have against monogamy shitlib? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082223) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:55 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Nothing, just think it's a received cultural obsession that has varying degrees of value in different contexts. I'm not some obese neckbeard advocating for polyamory as the natural state of man or a serial cheater but I won't deny that I have opportunistically cheated in multiple relationships. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082232) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:56 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles does she know you feel this way? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082238) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:56 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye No. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082243) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:57 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles that's pretty unfair of you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082247) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:00 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye To think that society overvalues sexual fidelity and we all act like histrionic women when someone goes out and has a fling?
Good lord earl, are you going to make me go full 110 IQ Redditor and start ranting about how Europeans do everything better than us? |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:03 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles nope, just that you are lying to her about it. If you are both cool having flings, then whatever.
If you dont tell her because she would be heart broken or because you dont want her fucking anyone else, then you are scum - not for the act of fucking around, but for being selfish and hurting someone you supposedly care about enough to lock down in a relationship where she is spending her only window for finding a husband and father to her future children she may want. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:04 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye You're really focused on the sex and sexual fidelity. It's the last thing on my mind. If everything else was great, I would just deal with it. As it is, I'm heading into my last decade of any kind of casual dating viability with women I will actually want to fuck and burning it on a person I don't see in my future. You're right that it's shitty but you're aping out over the sex aspect for no reason. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082307) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:06 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles happens when you cheat. You also have a mentality where you reject monogamy and so if you stay with her and marry her you are doing it from a position where you are likely to cheat again at some point.
honest ? - would you be okay with her fucking other men while you are together? |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:10 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I wouldn't let it continue as an ongoing situation. Not sure if I'd cut her loose just for fucking around. If we're talking about this specific situation, as in I found out right now, it would come as a relief.
Cheating is sometimes about happiness for the people involved. Life is a little more complicated for many people than you make it out to be. I have to take your comments in the context that you're also one of those people who doesn't 'get' depression and largely thinks it's flame simply because you don't experience things like that.
I'm getting out of the relationship. I wasn't truly dissatisfied until around the holidays this year. What else should I do? |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:09 PM Author: Big sweet tailpipe legend (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082334) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:31 PM Author: sapphire titillating twinkling uncleanness halford This
From reading this thread, OP seems like a selfish/shitty person |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:32 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Because I want out of a relationship that doesn't do it for me anymore? Earl is needlessly obsessing over the potential for cheating here because he has PTSD from getting cucked by his dream cooze when he was a BSD young lawyer in Manhattan.
I realize this is Eat Pray Love manshrew territory but what should I do that's so much less shitty, if you don't mind elaborating? |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:17 PM Author: unholy half-breed organic girlfriend Healthy relationships are about thinking about the other person's needs alongside your own, bro. You're doing the right thing by cutting her loose, but it was wrong to cheat on her because knowledge of it would hurt her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083169) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:25 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Moral judgments on infidelity are stupid. You can't just blast the behavior in a vacuum. People get irrationally bent out of shape on this subject due to their own bad experiences and insecurity. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083226) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:31 PM Author: unholy half-breed organic girlfriend For me, it's not so much about sex, although sex certainly injects enormously explosive potency into the issue. Really, it's about doing something that would hurt the other person without mutually arriving at an understanding beforehand. If you want to have a fling, I think you owe it to yourself, never mind your SO, to find someone who is ok with it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083276) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:35 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye What I mean is that people tend to talk about infidelity with this insane moral certitude and zero sum approach to how bad it is. That's not always the case, it's everyone's own goddamned business, and passing judgment on it without full information is never wise.
And yes, for god's sake, it's just sex. Sometimes it seems like only sex makes people this irrational. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:36 PM Author: unholy half-breed organic girlfriend I didn't say it's bad. I said it's hurtful. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083306) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:50 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Not necessarily. And here is the thing that some people will never grasp: there is a very wide spectrum of tolerance for this stuff. Some people care significantly less than others. Their family history, personality, personal ethics and morality, sexuality and sexual preferences, and relationship history all factor in heavily. To some it's truly not that bad.
And here's something I know with absolute certainty even though it doesn't apply to me. The people who care more about infidelity care A LOT FUCKING MORE than the people in the middle of the curve. Just look to this thread. The majority of the people who saw it scanned it, decided I am a whiny bitch, and moved along. But 2-3 of you cleaved onto the infidelity bit immediately and focused on it like lasers.
People who get really mad about infidelity seem to feel it on a physical level, and irrationally. Like just the suggestion of it in any context riles you up. 29 the poster is like this as well. I'm always curious if it's because you guys all have traumatic experiences with people cheating on you, come from broken homes, or you just have some kind of hyper paranoid sexual jealousy instincts. You guys also go fully autistic on this issue and can never seem to wrap your heads around how anyone could possibly feel differently about the it. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:54 PM Author: unholy half-breed organic girlfriend Unlike earl or that chick you're arguing with, I don't care to get into a lengthy discussion about this. I agree with you that people have varying levels of tolerance for infidelity. All I'm saying is that your significant others have a right to an informed choice. Surely this is a reasonable middle ground? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083413) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:56 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I don't think you're really being unreasonable by most standards but you just seem very keyed to this one issue. The 'people obsessed with infidelity' thing is something I've noticed a lot lately so I rambled about it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083425) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 11:01 PM Author: unholy half-breed organic girlfriend I talk a lot of shit on the bort. Almost all of it is inane.
Infidelity was more an entry point into the conversation. I value transparency, but perhaps it's less important to you. I don't have all that much more to say about it. But it seems like you would be happier outside the relationship. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:00 PM Author: Arousing chrome toilet seat tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082605) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:01 PM Author: Olive fanboi Harsh but probably fair (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082613) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:01 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye ?
Fucking men would finally make me straight as an arrow but I'm not ready yet. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:11 PM Author: Arousing chrome toilet seat tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082666) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:22 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083207) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:25 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083227) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:48 PM Author: alcoholic carmine kitchen messiness (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083379) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:45 PM Author: alcoholic carmine kitchen messiness You're a loser (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083357) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 12:03 AM Author: Impertinent Windowlicker Genital Piercing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083872) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:53 PM Author: Big sweet tailpipe legend Jfc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082216) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:59 PM Author: Contagious generalized bond (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082273) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:53 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles you should dump her for her sake, not for yours.
you probably wont do better and will settle in your late 30's for someone taking your money. But that is the misery we face when we aren't mature enough to look past the fact that our millennial wives read harry potter and enjoy instagram like every other woman. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:57 PM Author: puce awkward hairy legs (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082246) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:57 PM Author: Silver Giraffe Field For her sake? He deserves to be a happy bro. She is an adult and if she doesn't want the relationship she can get out of it. Lol at having to tell yourself that you are being a white knight by breaking their heart. That's the height of self deception. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082253) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:58 PM Author: puce awkward hairy legs I think you misunderstand his poast (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082263) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 7:59 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles she seems like a normal fine person and he is staying with her and cheating on her without letting her know that he does not believe in monogamy and he doesn't love her.
That's pretty fucking selfish for someone you are supposed to care about. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:01 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I haven't cheated on her in years. All happened early on. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082288) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:20 PM Author: unholy half-breed organic girlfriend So this happened during a stage of the relationship when you were supposedly in love with her, not after the relationship wore down to threadbare affection. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083189) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:25 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Yes. First six months that I knew her, I think. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083231) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:03 PM Author: Silver Giraffe Field OP is a classic "nice guy" who engages in dishonest behaviors because he's too much of a pussy to be straightforward in real life. Telling someone like this that they need to focus on their partner's happiness is actually terrible, because in a weird, twisted way, the deception, etc. comes from a place of wanting to do that. Telling him to focus even more on that won't fix the underlying issues. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082296) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:06 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye This is insightful. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082318) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:08 PM Author: Silver Giraffe Field I recommend this book:
https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/
(Ignore the corny description -- it's actually really good.) I'm guessing it will seriously hit home. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:11 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I have a powerful aversion to any kind of self-help or self-improvement book like that, but TY. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082346) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:14 PM Author: Silver Giraffe Field So have I, but sometimes it can be good man. Just cop it free somewhere and read a few pages. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082363) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:33 AM Author: Charcoal Water Buffalo Temple Why haven't YOU divorced your wife yet? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084977) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 11:56 AM Author: Silver Giraffe Field I'm a nice guy! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33085757) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 3:16 PM Author: sick supple principal's office background story similar https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X
op doesn't know how to meet his own needs. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:01 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye It goes way deeper than Harry Potter and instagram. Those things were always present and weren't an issue when I was happy in the relationship. Discussing them here is to vent and offer a sense of what she's like.
I agree that it's shitty to stick around like everything's fine and that's one of the reasons that I'm gearing up to end it even though I profoundly do not want to deal with the months of bullshit that will come with. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:05 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles eh the months of bullshit will pass. You give up all mutual friends, other than your close friends.
Date casually or find some european who takes a liberal view towards stepping out. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:08 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I know it will pass. This is like getting off your ass and going to the gym. I just don't want to snap out of it and make the motions. Her anger and disappointment, families is pissed, calls and mopey emails from friends, moving out and all the awkward parsing of everything we have in common, the long morose talks about our relationship, and the list goes on. I like to live a simple life and all this meaningless horseshit will be front and center for several months, minimum. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082329) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 2:51 PM Author: Tan Hall Completely CR.
He would be doing her a major favor by ending this. It's pretty clear to me as a 30's bro that after he breaks up she will probably find someone else within 2-3 months, settle down with that guy and have kids, all while this guy hooks up with floozies on tinder for the next 8 years. One day he'll check her out on Facebook and realize he fucked up, but all he'll have is his tinder whores to console him. |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 11:23 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye You seem really down on the merits of a life fucking tinder whores. Let people do what they want to do. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33115724) |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 11:27 PM Author: Tan Hall if that is what you want, fine. but don't say people didn't warn you that you are likely making an epic life-changing mistake.
I don't know the dynamics between you and your significant other and won't pretend to. Thus I can't comment on your specific situation. But your reasoning reeks of immaturity and short-sightedness, so I suspect you are making the wrong decision.
But whatever, it's your choice, I don't know you, and even though you professed to come here seeking advice, you seem to be set in your decision anyways. |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 11:41 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I'm more venting and seeking commiseration than seeking advice although I wouldn't say I'm closed to advice. I just didn't see much in here that was reasonably responsive to my situation. Most of the advice seemed to come from a position of 'you're a piece of shit for cheating' or 'you'll never find someone else so you're insane to leave her.'
I guess I have to ask, what is the smarter alternative here? Try to force myself to be more attracted to her and want a future with her more? Just resign myself to the notion that I'll never be happy with anyone so may as well just hunker down with her? Embrace XO's certainty that I'll die alone if I don't marry off a 4 year relationship that spanned my late 20s and early 30s? Those all sound equally likely to make me miserable with the added bonus of dragging her into hell with me.
And before the XO armchair psychology corps jump on that, I am not operating under some hilarious delusion that I'm ultimately doing her a favor by ending things. That idea is stupid and has nothing to do with how I approach this. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:01 PM Author: infuriating slimy theater stage laser beams Would you be chill with being single permanently? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082283) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:12 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I would truly be fine with it. Very mentally prepared for that reality. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082350) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:16 PM Author: infuriating slimy theater stage laser beams then ur on the right track (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082379) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:12 PM Author: topaz disrespectful hospital pervert I dumped someone in a similar position and have been single for nearly a year. I don't regret it one bit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082354) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:15 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye My only trepidation aside from what I complained about in the OP is that this will be the third relationship I have checked out on in a similar fashion. Seem to be in a cycle of doing this every couple of years. I like being in a relationship with someone I care about but it's looking like it'll never be sustainable. I can deal with that but I think people are starting to talk shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082373) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:16 PM Author: infuriating slimy theater stage laser beams just do you, FPLB (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082383) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:19 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082397) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:20 PM Author: Silver Giraffe Field (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082408) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 12:03 AM Author: Impertinent Windowlicker Genital Piercing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083875) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:21 PM Author: topaz disrespectful hospital pervert Who cares? Everyone has a string of failed relationships until they meet their wife. You aren't special or different.
To limit blowback I'd suggest you reach out to a friend and move all your stuff to his place. Dump your gf and then block all forms of communication with her. This worked fine for me.
All of your real friends will side with you and you will never hear from your gf again. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:22 PM Author: infuriating slimy theater stage laser beams this sounds like insane behavior (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082421) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:24 PM Author: topaz disrespectful hospital pervert I made the mistake of not moving out with a previous girlfriend and the amount of emotional torture she tried to exact during the move out phase was excruciating. It's best to just cut all forms of contact immediately after dumping. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082432) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:25 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I don't need to do anything that drastic. Not concerned about losing friends over this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082449) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:29 PM Author: topaz disrespectful hospital pervert The emotional toll your girlfriend is going to try take on you will be heavy. Think about getting out in a way that allows you to bounce back as quickly as you can. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082468) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:32 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye This is good advice. She won't drag it out forever but I don't expect her to be cool about anything. The problem is she will have every right to be pissed off. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082477) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:24 PM Author: massive senate wagecucks What made you finally pull the trigger? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082441) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:27 PM Author: topaz disrespectful hospital pervert I cannot think of a straw that broke the camels back moment. Seeing how my girlfriend interact with her parents and the toxic nature of her parents were the biggest contributors. My gf was completely codependent with a total psycopathic mother. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082456) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:28 PM Author: massive senate wagecucks Huge red flag. Surprising you lasted so long. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082463) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:29 PM Author: Spruce House-broken Boltzmann Gives us the best anecdote. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082465) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:35 PM Author: topaz disrespectful hospital pervert basically she was financially codependent on her parents so her parents felt entitled to make all the choices. They put her up in a luxury apartment and selected all her furniture without her input. They even signed the lease for her place without consulting her. She was basically an overgrown teenager at 30 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082491) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:50 PM Author: alcoholic carmine kitchen messiness Jewess? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083393) |
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Date: April 21st, 2017 3:04 AM Author: Submissive plaza Disgusting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33124874) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 2:51 PM Author: Tan Hall you'll regret it after 2-3 years guaranteed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33086709) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:23 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I think I should point out that I am going to be able to find someone else. I am white, tall, fit, have my hair and good looking, high earner, educated, great family and wide circle of friends. My biggest detriments are posting on this shithold, marijuana addiction to the extent that most people can't really understand, and I don't place emphasis on a lot of the stuff that really high quality women want in life like family and other photo op posturing. I am also emotionally cold and have all the neurosis, unearned self-importance, and rotten cruelty of a career biglawyer. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082428) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:25 PM Author: topaz disrespectful hospital pervert Most women will take that package. Stop smoking weed tho. It will help make you a lot less neurotic. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082447) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:26 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I have smoked weed steadily for most of my adult life. I'm way more neurotic and ornery without it. It's not ideal but I don't get a lot of the negative effects that casual users describe. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082454) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:36 PM Author: topaz disrespectful hospital pervert I did too and stopped. The other side is one million percent better. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082494) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:39 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I have stopped for long stretches. Didn't notice any great uptick in QOL and I have extreme insomnia at times that is only reliably counteracted by weed.
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:41 PM Author: frum turquoise dragon multi-billionaire Liar (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082527) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:26 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Didn't smoke for over a year because I was living abroad and couldn't get it. It was not an improvement and I was very, very open-minded to the possibility. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083238) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:25 PM Author: infuriating slimy theater stage laser beams if u dont want kids that bad and you've got all the credentials to rail randoms, why not just be a bachelor? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082450) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:27 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Not worried about it but I am also very happy in relationships at times and like the idea of one day having a family, if it feels right. Fucking new people is just one consideration of many. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082460) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:27 PM Author: Silver Giraffe Field How come you don't include your alcoholism and taco bell consumption in list of vices? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082458) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:28 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I am a pussy when it comes to drinking these days and I consider late night Taco Bell indulgence to be a a virtue and feel no shame whatsoever for my actions. I would characterize a lot of my 20s as borderline alcoholic behavior. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082464) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:42 PM Author: concupiscible scourge upon the earth Friend, it seems like you don't like yourself very much. You're leading a life without meaning. Dumping the girl and a year in Thailand is where you need to be heading right now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082529) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:58 PM Author: Olive fanboi THIS (minus the Thailand part lol) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082595) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:59 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I like myself fine. Life is meaningless and I am comfortable with that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082599) |
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Date: April 20th, 2017 12:28 AM Author: irate coiffed gay wizard preventive strike Going to be lol when you find out you've vastly overvalued yourself and end up totally alone while she moves on in a few weeks. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33116153) |
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Date: April 20th, 2017 12:31 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye Could be. She'll have zero trouble finding someone else and that's actually decent consolation. She didn't do anything wrong and I don't have any ill will toward her as a person. Just can't stick it out with her anymore. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33116165) |
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Date: April 20th, 2017 12:36 AM Author: irate coiffed gay wizard preventive strike You're missing the real lol which is that you'll end up alone because you have an unrealistically high opinion of yourself and what you "deserve." In the end you will get what you deserve lol. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33116189) |
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Date: April 20th, 2017 12:41 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye Do you really endorse that idea that a vain or self-impressed person deserves to be miserable and alone? Seems a little harsh. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33116230) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:34 PM Author: french nofapping menage I ended a long term relationship with a live in girlfriend. Best decision I ever made. If you're feeling this way pull the trigger man (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082484) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:35 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye TY. Not sure what the fuck else XO wants me to do. People change and lose interest in relationships. Seems profoundly aspie to say I ought to just grit it out because hey what if I don't end up doing better than her or I somehow owe it to her to just stick it out. Both are more certain recipes for misery. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082490) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:50 PM Author: concupiscible scourge upon the earth We want you to dump the girlfriend and accept that you're kind of a gutless dick. At least that's what I got from skimming through the thread.
I just think you're dealing with an existence crisis brought on by a lack of direction and meaning. Dumping the girlfriend is incidental. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:00 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I'm seriously happy with most things in my life. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082604) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:38 PM Author: topaz disrespectful hospital pervert Another general rule I've found in relationships is that when the passion goes, it can never come back. The relationship is on tilt.
I've never had a relationship "turn around". Moving on is the best call. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:41 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I don't buy into reigniting the spark either. You know it's going to go at some point and you're settling with a person who you can tolerate long-term and you care about. That's fine. But I just don't feel anything serious with her anymore. There are weeks when I'm content but the negativity I often feel is too much without something more profound to ward it off. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082525) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:51 PM Author: fiercely-loyal partner stain (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083396) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:43 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Truly seems like some of the negative reaction in here comes from everyone's innate fear of being cheated on or dumped.
I'm not cheating on her and I'm doing what I consider to be the best thing for both of us by ending it. Explain to me how this is such a moral catastrophe.
I'm open-minded and I know I frequently act like a lunatic asshole while feeling completely justified in my actions at the time. Somebody make a clear and cogent case for why I'm wrong. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:49 PM Author: racy national you mention above that you are emotionally cold
I have no advice but read this entire thread and that coldness really comes through in how you detail her, the relationship, your wishes for yourself going forward, etc.
I'd call the reactivity here in part to that coldness
hopefully someone in your future will incite a greater deal of warmth
gl |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:51 PM Author: concupiscible scourge upon the earth (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082568) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:00 PM Author: Olive fanboi (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082609) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:01 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Do you agree that some of that is a result of the medium rather than the messenger? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082611) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:12 PM Author: racy national the medium certainly doesn't help
and you're not necessarily presenting a novel case for bailing on a LTR
what's prevented you from giving her more direct feedback about your lack of commitment to the relationship in recent times? it seems you've been detaching more and more and she ought to have noticed but if that detachment could be understood as your normal order of coldness, I'd wonder if the reactions here are a reaction to what it would be like to lose love in an instant while the other person spent a significant amount of time preparing to leave.
I don't condone staying with someone who doesn't feel right - that's a long life |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:23 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I don't know what feedback there is to give. I fell out of love with her a while ago without even realizing it and have been feeling more negative about a lot of stuff I was previously willing to overlook. I never approached the relationship in terms of some kind of marriage test run in the first place. It just worked out and we were content. I don't feel the same way anymore and I know myself well enough to know things aren't going to improve on my end.
XO is only assuming that I'm going to be some raging asshole about how I end it and treat her. Maybe she'll be relieved. I'm positive that I'm not easy to deal with even though we have always gotten along well. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:25 PM Author: sapphire titillating twinkling uncleanness halford the moral catastrophe is that you so casually cheat and youre clearly selfish. you dont even respect your partners enough to tell them that you dont believe in monogamy. whether or not youve cheated recently isnt the point.
you make it clear that you think that feelings moments of happiness are worth treating others badly
youre also sound nitpicky and extremely critical in a very cold way
and you seem to care more about the social fallout aspecs of the breakup than you do her feelings
you SHOULD break up w your gf because she deserves to be with someone who actually cares about her and wont lie about something that important.
you seem selfish and uncaring as FUCk
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:23 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye "the moral catastrophe is that you so casually cheat"
I cheated early on in the relationship. I haven't in years. Haven't even considered it. You're overreacting to a few cheap encounters when she was a person that I was merely 'dating' at the time. We had just sort of embarked on the first few months of any exclusivity, without even discussing the boundaries of the arrangement, the last time it happened.
"youre clearly selfish"
I wouldn't deny being selfish in some respects, but tell me why this is clear and outsized in my case.
"you dont even respect your partners enough to tell them that you dont believe in monogamy."
You're assuming this and I typically do believe in monogamy. So do many other people who screw up and cheat. Do you really want to turn this into some brainless definitional discussion of who the monogamy true believers really are? I respect other people and I don't make some point of being a habitual cheater. I have fucked up and done it anyway on a number of occasions. Don't confuse self-indulgence and weakness for some sort of unorthodox personal philosophy.
"whether or not youve cheated recently isnt the point."
You're holding past infidelity against me even though it's largely irrelevant to my current situation because that kind of behavior obviously upsets you. The fact that I screwed around on her a few times early in the relationship is a controlling factor for how you regard me and my decision. It's a little childish of you to dispense serious commentary when you're directed by this latent agenda but I appreciate that you're making an effort.
"you make it clear that you think that feelings moments of happiness are worth treating others badly"
This is nonsensical and unresponsive. Explain, if you can.
"youre also sound nitpicky and extremely critical in a very cold way"
Not at all when it comes to people but I can see why you're jumping to this poorly informed conclusion based on this thread.
"and you seem to care more about the social fallout aspecs of the breakup than you do her feelings"
I care a lot about that. I have been through this enough times in the past that I dread certain aspects of it. Part of the reason I made the thread was to hear similar stories and experiences.
"you SHOULD break up w your gf because she deserves to be with someone who actually cares about her and wont lie about something that important."
LOL, can't believe I got that far into the post before realizing you are wasted.
"you seem selfish and uncaring as FUCk"
Calm down. We're on XO, you know nothing about me, and as someone else correctly stated, I go to extraordinary lengths IRL to be NICE to other people. That's part of the reason I'm really taxed by something like a breakup. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:44 PM Author: irradiated flatulent karate native Whoa
I was sympathetic to your position until I read this
You're a narcissist, friendo. I say that without a touch of spite or anger. Get help - it's possible. I did. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:52 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I take an XO diagnosis with the appropriate grain of salt. Please explain. Not saying you're wrong. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083401) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 11:25 PM Author: Olive fanboi 1. Put a gun in your mouth 2. Pull the trigger 3. Even if (when) you disregard steps 1 and 2, for the love of God and compassion for your unborn children, DO NOT REPRODUCE |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 11:28 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I thought it was pretty funny but OK man, point taken. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083613) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:28 PM Author: Green Drunken Fat Ankles ... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083251) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:56 PM Author: plum hyperactive international law enforcement agency Nothing matters except her pussy's expiration date and whether she wants kids. If you told her you don't want kids, none of it actually matters. If you were 20, no one would give a shit - not you, nor xo. The only reason a woman of ~30 is "entitled" to be treated with such "dignity" is because of her pussy's looming expiration.
If some smokeshow who reads Chaucer walked into your life, you'd leave without a second thought, right? Life is a comedy of errors. You will never make the right choice. Just do and let do. That said, your rationale for leaving SUCKS. No woman is as intelligent as what you're looking for. Join a book club ffs. |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 1:10 PM Author: citrine at-the-ready goal in life i think he is lookin for someone who's like 90% as intelligent as he is and, with all love and respect to OP, im pretty sure there are women who fit that bill (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33086181) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 8:57 PM Author: Arousing chrome toilet seat tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082586) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:02 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Should I spend the rest of my good years with a person that I'm not happy with? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082621) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:14 PM Author: exciting candlestick maker Most men do.
Either just fuck around totally casually or give up and get married.
This serial monogamy crap is worst of both worlds. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:27 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I agree with you about serial monogamy but I don't think that the extreme fatalism about relationships is really supportable. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083247) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:14 PM Author: Zombie-like Fighting Death Wish Jfc op, you're more mentally ill than I am (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082685) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:29 PM Author: sapphire titillating twinkling uncleanness halford (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082813) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:28 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Calm down and then explain. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083250) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 11:26 PM Author: Olive fanboi lol cr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083599) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:17 PM Author: very tactful market You don't sound like much of a catch either OP.
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:26 PM Author: sapphire titillating twinkling uncleanness halford (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082781) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:29 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye She's a great catch and she'll find someone else just as good or better. Where did I suggest she isn't a great catch? I was probably in love with her at one point. There are negatives, just like anyone, but she's smoking hot and very sexy on top of that, really feminine and sensual. She stays in shape but doesn't do all the yoga shrew bullshit. She's supportive of me most of the time and has a decent sense of humor. She is a very in-the-moment person who connects with other people immediately and really absorbs herself in whatever she's doing. There are a lot of qualities I really like but the negatives really grate me at this stage. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083261) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:40 PM Author: Hyperventilating bat shit crazy faggot firefighter clown it's crystal clear you need to break up with her, and it's best for all parties that you do it ASAP.
this is a dead end for you and for her. things will not get better. only worse. only more resentment building on both sides.
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:47 PM Author: mentally impaired really tough guy old irish cottage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082918) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:46 PM Author: irradiated flatulent karate native this is right (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083367) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:56 PM Author: fiercely-loyal partner stain (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083428) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 11:00 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I'm going to do it for sure. There are some good reasons why it's better to wait a few weeks but I don't intend for things to go on any longer than necessary. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083453) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 11:56 PM Author: Impertinent Windowlicker Genital Piercing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083809) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 9:42 PM Author: Excitant lavender kitty cat the more I read, the more I realize MGTOW is really the best answer. The XO sponsored answer is to just give up and get married ljl (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33082873) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:29 PM Author: Fishy voyeur goyim don't know your situation but sounds like all your "pros" for staying are like "people" will talk or you'll feel ostracized.
i don't know where you live but can't imagine that's really a problem. and seems like a bad way to make big personal life decisions.
just own your shit. you are actually fairly young. And you'll be better off finding a chick you dig with positive relationship momentum. |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:37 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I think people ITT are somewhat missing that I was being a lightly facetious and flippant with the OP but thank you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083313) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:52 PM Author: alcoholic carmine kitchen messiness You're a mentally ill fag (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083403) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:35 PM Author: unholy half-breed organic girlfriend And all you aspiring flame artists, THIS is how you do it. Truly masterful job by the OP. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083301) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:43 PM Author: alcoholic carmine kitchen messiness You sound like a shrewy faggot ITT op (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083345) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 10:57 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083431) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 11:00 PM Author: very tactful market (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083454) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 11:56 PM Author: Impertinent Windowlicker Genital Piercing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083811) |
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Date: April 15th, 2017 11:11 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye LOL, this is the hardest I have gotten ripped on XO in a while. Probably deserved in this case.
I remember fatd00d essentially stated that he was stringing along this ARE country single mother who was a hairdresser or some shit because he liked fucking her and it was building his confidence back up. XO lapped it up and cheered him on. This place was dumping Gatorade on the guy for using her as a dually-purposed cum dumpster and artificial self-esteem springboard.
I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm going to go through all grief, petty and large, of ending a long relationship and XO turns into 20K beefy cholos jacking off into my mouth for eternity. |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 8:30 PM Author: stirring famous landscape painting that contrast is not how i remember it with fatdood, in no small part because you led the charge in gaping his hold out of all recognition.
that gimlet-eyed analyst FPLB would've have a field day with your op. like dr. lecter whispering some shit to a guy who threw cum at clarice starling and getting him to kill self |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 12:01 AM Author: Impertinent Windowlicker Genital Piercing 1. Yes, break up. Unfair to do anything else. No, you shouldn't just marry her when we all know you'll just treat her badly and probably get divorced.
2. I think you're totally fucked in life. You think extremely highly of yourself for all sorts of bullshit reasons ("omg, I've read NOVELS! I'm too good for this girl!"). You're looking for things that will never be true over the long term. You think being "too friendly" in a relationship is a bad thing. You're addicted to drugs. You're only getting older, and eventually you'll end up alone, working all the time in some bullshit high hours job hitting on divorced women in their 30s. But, you'll try to convince yourself that this is actually better for you, so maybe that is fine. But basically, you're a male shrew.
3. I've realized I have it pretty good in life.
4. You kind of remind me of Stabby. |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 12:07 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye No need to tell me to break up with her. I already said many times that I'm doing it.
LOL, the rest of this is you raging out on me like a petty woman because I must have hurt your feelings one time. Your hyperbole projects an insane degree of bitterness. |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 12:12 AM Author: Impertinent Windowlicker Genital Piercing You made this public, this is my comment. I find it hilarious because you love to pretend you're hot shit on here when in fact you're an absolute loser. Have fun in life. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33083925) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 12:27 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye You sound completely unhinged. Can you direct me toward a particular thread or comment that really made you come unglued or was it more like an amalgamation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084017) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:05 AM Author: Vibrant corn cake business firm You come across as a pretty shitty person bro. For her sake breakup and work on yourself. Figure out how to get a handle on the drug abuse and whether or not you can actually be monogamous (if you cant then dont get into relationships where you are gonna inevitably cheat). Also reflect on whether this "i just dont FEEEL like i love her anymore" shrew bullshit is legitimate or just a reflex that you have developed after 18 months of any relationship and will repeat itself next time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084938) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:13 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye Quite a bit of moralizing out of a person who claims to be a live and let live libertarian type. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084946) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:27 AM Author: Vibrant corn cake business firm Live and let live? Lol wut?
I think you have me confused with the "libertarian" stoners that you probably end up hanging around as a result of your drug addiction.
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:32 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye Are you a bigtime anti-MJ nazi like the TMF? Explain. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084976) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 5:08 AM Author: Vibrant corn cake business firm Naw i dont like any substances in that catagory, but i wouldnt, for example, look less favourably on mj then booze. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33085013) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:23 AM Author: Pearly mildly autistic boiling water Meh, if you care about her, you at least owe it to her to tell her the problems you have with the relationship first. That will likely lead to the breakup conversation, but don't beat around the bush about it.
Worrying about what other people think when you feel like you need to break up with someone in order to be happy is ridiculous. Do what you have to do, and if the ppl around you care about you, they will understand and support your decision. |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:27 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye First paragraph is credited even though my mind is made up.
Second one is an oversimplification of how it goes down IRL. |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:53 AM Author: Pearly mildly autistic boiling water Second one is an oversimplification for sure. That said, in my experience it's largely been the case. Don't listen to the other ppl and you'll be happier. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084998) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:29 AM Author: Vibrant corn cake business firm He has nothing to tell. What us he gonna say? Babe it bothers me that you read harry Potter and i am not FEELING this relationship anymore? How is she supposed to constructively address that? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084969) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:34 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye This is a dumb response. I know this person extremely well and we get along. Of course I could have a reasonable conversation with her about it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084979) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:50 AM Author: Pearly mildly autistic boiling water You'll never have a successful marriage if you don't reassess with your partner and discuss openly what is lacking, if anything. Ppl change over time and so do relationships. It's important to regularly (not constantly) make sure each of you is getting what you want and need from the other. Or, y'know, you could just keep adding to the resentment pile. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084994) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 5:10 AM Author: Vibrant corn cake business firm Oh i totally agree. But the OP has articulated little in the way of things she could actually constructively do or change. Most of it just relies on some ambiguous feeling he has which he cannot seem to locate the root causes for. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33085015) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 5:16 AM Author: onyx rambunctious hell NIGGER (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33085016) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:32 AM Author: kink-friendly crackhouse I fucking hate women. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084975) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:34 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye LOL, sometimes CR. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084981) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 5:07 AM Author: onyx rambunctious hell It's always the credited response.
The always end up with cunts and then complain about how all men are terrible.
I fucking hate all women. |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 4:47 AM Author: Exhilarant stead keepsake machete if she's cute and thin and relatively cheerful, then hurry up and marry and impragnate. otherwise get rid of her, (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33084991) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 11:54 AM Author: talented trump supporter didn't realize this place was faggot central these days. the only tcr is ATD (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33085748) |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 11:24 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33115729) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 12:30 PM Author: trip arrogant internal respiration Surprised no one has asked if she got fat. Here are some considerations as far as casual sex goes:
Objectively, how attractive is she? How many women do you see in your day to day that are more attractive and that you would like to fuck? How many of those women do you have a realistic chance at? Do you have a large friend circle or network that can feed you young, attractive women? If not, have you ever done online dating? Do you mind fucking and dating app sluts, attention whores, and flaky girls that are 1-2 levels below you? |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 11:30 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye She didn't get fat but she also falls outside of the kind of woman I'm most attracted to, and that's a long-term consideration for me. We have always had good physical chemistry and sex but I think I'm less prone to easily remaining 'in lust' with her than my ideal type.
I'll be fine with dating. I'm not concerned about finding someone else. If it happens, great, but you can't expect or force it. Everyone is acting like I'm trading off a certain great marriage here but they're doing so with just a tiny amount of information. |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 11:32 PM Author: light razzle state electric furnace how exactly does it "happen"
asking for a friend |
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Date: April 20th, 2017 12:40 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye IT has always been pretty natural for me. You meet somebody and the chemistry is just there. Having that come pretty readily a number of times might have given me unrealistic expectations to a degree but I really don't think I have some insane or unreasonable set of standards for relationships. Seems unlikely to me that I'll never find somebody else at my advanced age but I'll be sure to let you guys know if I flame out. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33116222) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 1:15 PM Author: Stimulating jade property mediation lol @ the fucking people in this thread who settled and are trying to justify their life choices. "you arent supposed to be happy with who you end up with, just tolerate them because your life is over!"
sounds liek a terrible relationship and you should not marry this chick. getting marreid and divorced (or just miserable for the next 20+ years is awful) |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 11:47 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Stepping out of an even longer and more poisoned relationship seems much scarier to me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33115870) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 2:31 PM Author: very tactful market I don't get why OP thinks he will find another woman in his intelligence percentile or even decile... Those ships sailed 10 years ago. Those women have families that love them unconditionally and are partnered to non drug addicts. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33086600) |
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Date: April 20th, 2017 12:09 AM Author: Cyan Round Eye She's smart. Plenty smart. Just not inclined in certain ways I am and that I would enjoy having in common with someone I live with. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33116039) |
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Date: April 16th, 2017 2:41 PM Author: Sickened Dingle Berry Cumskin u suk my cock boy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33086654) |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 11:47 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33115867) |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 11:43 PM Author: idiotic peach main people i hoap you dont fuckign mean youve been living with her for four+ years. whats the lease situation like? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33115838) |
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Date: April 19th, 2017 11:49 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye No issues there. We have been living together for close to two years. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33115888) |
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Date: April 20th, 2017 6:10 PM Author: blue bonkers heaven weed whacker Lmao hope your common law wife makes more than you or ur gon' get fucked on alimony (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33121413) |
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Date: April 20th, 2017 8:06 PM Author: lemon learning disabled stag film lol at fplb who loves acting like he is above everything being super defensive in this thread.
It's easy to tell how this will end. In another 5-10 years, you'll still working yourself to death and no closer to finding a woman who has read Ulysses/gravity's rainbow or whatever other shit you fancy as signs of intellect. |
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Date: May 6th, 2017 3:34 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye I was relentlessly open in this thread and took many POZloads of hard criticism. Simply because I don't agree with every critique doesn't mean I got crazy or defensive. I deliberately shared a lot of negative shit about myself, something you have never done and are functionally not capable of doing because you care deeply about what XO thinks of you.
LOL at your misguided schadenfreude. You're better off using one of your pumos for this sort of thing. You know, the pumo account you used to talk about what a great person you are and how XO is just totally jelly of your wonderful life?
How do I act above it all? I'm most known for engaging in one of XO's shittiest aspects: trolling and antagonizing other posters. Granted, that's not as shitty as consistently using a pumo for years to promote yourself and attack other posters when you're afraid to do it under your own identity, but it's not entirely respectable.
I in no way work myself to death. I have only lasted this long because I make sure that this is never the case. I don't mind my work, only the people I work with. And even then the worst complaint is usually that they're very careerist and self-important. Sound familiar?
A second HEARTY LOL to your childish conception of what I'm looking for based on that criticism. The fact that you immediately choose two awful, notoriously difficult, LOOK AT THE BIG THICK IMPORTANT NOVEL ON MY SHELF books as examples of what you imagine I think is worthwhile says everything about you and nothing about me. 100% chance you're the kind of person who thinks it's cool and salt of the earth to boast about never reading or only reading genre trash, then in the same stroke you're never not concerned about which elite high school your kids are going to attend. To people like you, learning and cultural enrichment are useless if they're not ultimately a means of making more money or ingratiating yourself to your social betters. |
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Date: May 6th, 2017 3:44 PM Author: Vengeful Flushed Orchestra Pit CR, lol at this butthurt faggot. Will be 180 when he dies alone. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33245294) |
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Date: February 9th, 2018 7:12 PM Author: Well-lubricated razzle-dazzle codepig (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#35365931) |
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Date: May 6th, 2017 3:27 PM Author: Cyan Round Eye Had the talk with her earlier this week. We told our families and friends last night. She was upset but also unbelievably understanding and claims she knew this was coming because she sensed I have been withdrawn. Reactions were mellow and supportive so far, so my selfish fear of personal chaos may have been unfounded. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#33245190) |
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Date: February 9th, 2018 7:23 PM Author: insane vermilion nursing home psychic you sound like a middle aged woman (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#35366021) |
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Date: February 9th, 2018 7:21 PM Author: Laughsome ceo i broke up with my ltr gf of over 3 years. shit got violent and destructive. worth it. though only got laid once in last 2-3 months. i need to hit gym more. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3585508&forum_id=2#35366012) |
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Date: September 10th, 2019 2:33 PM Author: Buff Greedy Pozpig LJL, I can't believe I didn't read this thread a year ago... Fat Plodding Law Beaver and me sound like the same person.
Any update here? |