Date: September 19th, 2017 3:31 PM
Author: adventurous idiot cuckold
Let me guess: whenever you bring this up to other people, they look shocked and say “What? The opposite sex isn’t unfeeling / uncaring / horrible / likely to screw you over! How did you come to believe such terrible things?” and then you dismiss them as corrupted by society and regurgitating platitudes.
(the exact way this conversation goes depends on your gender, but either way, I’m sure it happens)
I don’t think either one of you is wrong. My own experience as a guy is that I both know mostly really good, honest, caring, honorable guys, and that I’ve dated mostly really good, honest, caring, honorable women (and XX nonbinaries). I swear that I’m not just failing to think this through or trying to regurgitate platitudes. On the other hand, I do know people who have really and truly had the opposite experience.
So the question is - why do different people have such different experiences?
My guess is that you’re doing one of the following:
1. Biasedly interpreting social cues from opposite-sex people in a hostile way.
2. Inadvertently exhibiting behavior that causes opposite-sex people to react in a hostile way.
3. Selecting for only the worst members of the opposite sex.
I know people of both sexes for whom each of these three is true. In particular, number 3 is a big deal. There are some people, male and female, who seem to have some kind of compulsion to seek out terrible people to date. They don’t realize this. They don’t want this. But they unfailing spot the worst person in the bar and end up in a relationship with them.
If I were you, I would try some experiments to figure out which of these three is true. For example, if you have a same-sex friend who also knows the opposite-sex people who have betrayed/hurt you, etc, ask if that same-sex friend agrees the opposite-sex person has been a bad person in their interactions with them. If no, that’s some evidence for 1 or 2; if yes, that’s some evidence for 3.
If you have a same-sex friend who always has good experiences with the opposite sex, ask them to set you up on a date with the sort of person they would like. If you don’t find them sexy at all, ignore that feeling and keep going. See if this person is also terrible and wants to hurt you. If not, consider the possibility that you only find terrible/hurtful people sexy and unintentionally seek them out.
https://slatestarscratchpad.tumblr.com/post/164043842541/since-a-young-age-ive-valued-romance-very-much
(not totally on point, I do think that the when things repeat themselves, you should consider that you're inadvertently selecting for it)
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3736583&forum_id=2#34244456)