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The most prestigious law school admissions discussion board in the world. CharlesXII here, doing a readthrough+review of Ready Player One For four years, I have been searching for a book sufficientl... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/25/19 subscribed Diverse gaping   04/25/19 ... orchid haunted graveyard step-uncle's house   04/25/19 aw hell yeah Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   04/25/19 ... dark 180 base   04/26/19 ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   04/26/19 ... Sick box office electric furnace   04/26/19 ... jade crackhouse cuck   04/26/19 ... Bearded laughsome useless brakes   04/26/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/26/19 ... olive stimulating theatre internal respiration   04/27/19 ... Tantric forum pisswyrm   05/02/19 ... cowardly contagious turdskin   05/05/19 ... silver bossy preventive strike sanctuary   05/09/19 The obvious next level in JJC threading: http://www.autoa... free-loading zombie-like toaster   04/25/19 ... ungodly gay new version mental disorder   04/25/19 Ready Player One:JJC::Jason Mraz:TSINAH Snowy Giraffe   04/25/19 ... nubile round eye puppy   04/26/19 I thought this book was fun but ridiculous and well worth a ... coral boyish sound barrier   04/25/19 Fully erect in anticipation of this thread. curious yellow azn   04/25/19 >professional writers and critics said about the book: ... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   04/25/19 Charles has a writing style similar to my own. Perhaps not i... godawful abode   04/25/19 I really do think that if you're shooting for clarity the be... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/26/19 I largely agree. But very few people seem to have the kna... godawful abode   04/26/19 also no evidence you are actually "good"at any of ... chrome hall   04/26/19 I think having experts in a particular field tell you that t... godawful abode   04/26/19 My review: Premise was good and 80's nostalgia was entert... Smoky cerebral trailer park death wish   04/25/19 PROLOGUE out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/25/19 has "everyone from Toronto to Tokyo crapping in their c... Lascivious Shitlib   04/25/19 I think they stop living there because of the cockroaches stirring fanboi   04/26/19 ... Lascivious Shitlib   04/26/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/26/19 subscribed Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/25/19 ... slimy library halford   04/25/19 can't wait Snowy Giraffe   04/25/19 ... at-the-ready juggernaut   04/25/19 CHAPTER 1 Part 1 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/25/19 Technically you are right about tricks/johns but Ive heard d... histrionic whorehouse depressive   04/26/19 Did they cut out all the r/EuphoricAtheist crap? Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   04/26/19 I watched it on an airplane so memory isn't great.. but I th... histrionic whorehouse depressive   04/26/19 subscribed Comical Hominid   04/26/19 ... light bisexual gas station   04/26/19 ... floppy parlor kitty   04/26/19 Subbed. Would probably be inappropriate to squee, but... amber den friendly grandma   04/26/19 CHAPTER 1 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/26/19 ... Razzle Tank   04/26/19 lol, is the narrator really a FAT? that's some serious manif... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/26/19 Yes, even though "he has a bunch of old car batteries t... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   04/26/19 this is why science fiction books shouldn't be published wit... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/26/19 ... nubile round eye puppy   04/26/19 Exactly. Crichton and Peter Watts wrote some of the only gre... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/26/19 ... Tantric forum pisswyrm   05/02/19 ... ungodly gay new version mental disorder   05/03/19 [Why would that be a rite of passage? Learning to code an At... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   04/26/19 ... wonderful fortuitous meteor   04/26/19 just to expand on this, the atari 2600 is definitely the har... amber den friendly grandma   04/29/19 ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/29/19 i saw that shitty movie, but didnt realize just how truly vi... honey-headed metal rigor menage   04/26/19 Jfc if the prose Charles quotes from the book is any indicat... cobalt haunting school cafeteria pocket flask   04/26/19 The book is terribly written, but a fun ride. Snowy Giraffe   04/26/19 People like you make bad things happen. out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/26/19 The movie sucked. Snowy Giraffe   04/26/19 ... ungodly gay new version mental disorder   04/26/19 glad you're finally coming around. Lascivious Shitlib   04/26/19 ... cobalt haunting school cafeteria pocket flask   04/26/19 ... Bearded laughsome useless brakes   04/26/19 ... honey-headed metal rigor menage   04/26/19 enjoy life mang mauve idiotic resort community account   04/26/19 (Well-known arbiter of culture visiting from the year 1682) Snowy Giraffe   04/26/19 that’s y we love him Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   04/29/19 ... cordovan yapping philosopher-king   04/29/19 ... Tantric forum pisswyrm   05/02/19 ... Pearl home   04/26/19 Chapter 2 Part 1 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/26/19 "my eyes would scan the lunchroom like a T-1000" ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   04/26/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/26/19 This is fucking awful ungodly gay new version mental disorder   04/26/19 a lot to unpack here. honey-headed metal rigor menage   04/26/19 This is amazing, I can’t wait for more How many cha... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/26/19 Not sure but i know chapter 32 is a exegesis on how the synd... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   04/26/19 Flame? trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/26/19 something tells me ur not flaming slimy library halford   04/26/19 39 chapters. We're about 10% through. out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/26/19 CHAPTER 2 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/26/19 lol @ that photo. grotesque human beings. honey-headed metal rigor menage   04/26/19 Savage takedown of bald Chucks, but holy shit @ that dude's ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/26/19 So your review is ad hominems against chubby balding nerds? Snowy Giraffe   04/26/19 (Cline) claret aromatic weed whacker parlour   04/26/19 she is reubensandwichesque Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   04/29/19 CHAPTER 3 Part 1 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/26/19 That nerdfight gave me an aneurysm Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/26/19 Holy shit trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/26/19 [double poast] trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/26/19 [Yeah, people love to watch other people have retarded nerdf... Angry razzle-dazzle indian lodge   04/27/19 ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   04/27/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/29/19 ... Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   04/29/19 ... Bearded laughsome useless brakes   05/22/19 literally could not finish reading this poast. Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   04/27/19 At what point in the future are people going to start callin... useless exhilarant quadroon bawdyhouse   04/30/19 Didn't Mike Nelson from MST3K do a whole podcast about this ... flushed chest-beating principal's office   04/26/19 That’s probs how he’s developing his material Pearl home   04/26/19 Very sad to see Charles devolve like this. Snowy Giraffe   04/27/19 kys tyia trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/27/19 No idea. I don’t listen to many podcasts and I don&rsq... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/27/19 For some reason I liked this book but I wonder if it’s... Effete location headpube   04/27/19 great thread chaz not flame, actual 180 insane painfully honest locale indirect expression   04/27/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/27/19 Moar pls claret aromatic weed whacker parlour   04/28/19 *bangs dog food bowl on table* MOAR MOAR MOAR trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/28/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/28/19 Been volunteering this whole weekend. I can get back at it t... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/28/19 Unfuck your priorities know-it-all address national security agency   04/28/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/28/19 Chapter 3 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/29/19 ... slimy library halford   04/29/19 LMAO this book sounds horrible at-the-ready juggernaut   04/29/19 ... Khaki fat ankles   05/10/19 Started legit lol'ing at 'The crowd burst into applause' ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/29/19 ... ungodly gay new version mental disorder   11/10/19 good god insane painfully honest locale indirect expression   04/29/19 lol hooly shit this is bad trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/29/19 This is worse than I remembered coral boyish sound barrier   04/29/19 Again literally could not get through the nerdfight. Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   04/29/19 this guy is a monster Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   04/29/19 lmao he sure pwned that poseur hideous indecent faggot firefighter   04/29/19 it sounds like in this book, you become a hero by reading &q... amber den friendly grandma   04/29/19 Chapter 4 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/29/19 ty for ur service I'm mostly loling here at the attempts ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/29/19 Chapter 5 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/29/19 Does he mention if they can fuck each other in the oasis or ... histrionic whorehouse depressive   04/29/19 I've read this trash, and can tell you that this does come u... titillating mediation   04/29/19 With the standard equipment it seems like at best you’... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/29/19 "Halliday becomes a recluse, staying glued to a compute... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   04/29/19 There’s a Hillbilly Elegy angle - JD Halliday is from ... free-loading zombie-like toaster   04/29/19 https://coinmarketcap.com/currencies/decentraland/ "... slimy library halford   04/29/19 2397846298374, i demand charles forego dating until we have ... Fragrant Onyx Immigrant   04/29/19 ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   04/30/19 holy fuck this is amazing claret aromatic weed whacker parlour   04/30/19 Chapter 6 Part 1 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/30/19 To repeat my previous comment: technical people who actuall... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   04/30/19 Okay, let's break this down. Wade, by his own admission, has... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/30/19 u forgot learning assembly 2 program his Atari game (rite of... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   04/30/19 Fuck, you’re right. out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/30/19 Just learn to write coherent functioning code in 6507 machin... amber den friendly grandma   04/30/19 More research was put into writing this post than into writi... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   04/30/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   04/30/19 if you give up xoxo, you'll be surprised at what you can acc... vibrant jet-lagged property keepsake machete   05/01/19 Another thought: While this book is clearly supposed to be a... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/01/19 Wade's memories are probably based on the author's who was b... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/01/19 ... Razzle Tank   05/01/19 Gee, I wonder what's more pathetic, a shittily written book ... frisky circlehead tanning salon   05/01/19 The shittily written book is more pathetic, hth at-the-ready juggernaut   05/01/19 titicr. The criticism is more entertaining than the book. Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/01/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/01/19 you're literally JJC, so not sure you're the "final arb... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/01/19 how does he have twelve hours a day if he goes to school ful... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/30/19 Because Cline is a hack who fucking forgot about that detail... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   04/30/19 incredible Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   04/30/19 ... at-the-ready juggernaut   05/01/19 "I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/01/19 this is Redditese copper bbw center   05/01/19 ... wonderful fortuitous meteor   05/03/19 Chapter 6 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/01/19 A. Magic Archway: When the party examines this arch give th... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/01/19 Why wasn’t it a vagina? That’s the real tomb of ... Fragrant Onyx Immigrant   05/02/19 Chapter 7 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/01/19 ... amber den friendly grandma   05/02/19 ... at-the-ready juggernaut   05/02/19 ... passionate private investor   05/02/19 this terrible book is detonating my brain cells like atomic ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/02/19 ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/02/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/02/19 An idle thought: Building full-body "haptic rigs" ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/02/19 Doing God's work here. hairless legend   05/02/19 180 thread Tantric forum pisswyrm   05/02/19 this is what i look forward to everyday. Comical Hominid   05/02/19 Chapter 8 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/02/19 this book is obviously pulp shit. don't see the point of tes... copper bbw center   05/02/19 Because it's funny? out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/02/19 also an enormous exercise, keep going copper bbw center   05/02/19 bro i "get" that literature is sacred to you and y... Fragrant Onyx Immigrant   05/02/19 i definitely don't pull my weight with respect to ~CONTENT~ ... copper bbw center   05/02/19 That's where you're wrong, sadly. As the opening post shows,... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/02/19 not much is worse than 50 shades so that's not the best comp... copper bbw center   05/02/19 Let the man entertain us pls sienna ape   05/03/19 jesus christ man nobody wants charles to read franzen and co... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/03/19 (Cline) trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/03/19 Chapter 8 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/02/19 *extremely autistic voice* the trash-80 is most properly ... amber den friendly grandma   05/02/19 (James Halliday) out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/02/19 I actually the played Dungeons of Daggorath cart on an old C... wonderful fortuitous meteor   05/03/19 science fiction is notorious for terrible writing. Even Dune... orange heaven cumskin   05/02/19 to be fair dune was a thinly veiled WARS FOR OIL screed and ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/03/19 Yes but there is a difference btw. flat or cliched writing a... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/03/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/03/19 Chapter 9 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/03/19 Enjoying this. Forgot how horrible book was sienna ape   05/03/19 Wait wouldn't Art3mis be a lowly level 1 noob after losing t... at-the-ready juggernaut   05/03/19 cq slimy library halford   05/03/19 You actually just fight the monster, and she has been beatin... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/03/19 wow thats dumb, should be certain death to make it more diff... at-the-ready juggernaut   05/03/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/03/19 lmao holy shit trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/03/19 If the narrator can more or less only experience reality thr... useless exhilarant quadroon bawdyhouse   05/15/19 Names can't be re-used and "Percival" was taken. out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/15/19 But wouldn't he pick something like "P3Rc1v4L" the... useless exhilarant quadroon bawdyhouse   05/28/19 ... useless exhilarant quadroon bawdyhouse   05/28/19 man I thought XO was being edgy cool bashing it but this is ... wonderful fortuitous meteor   05/03/19 I don't see how it can be enjoyable even on an escapist fant... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/03/19 cr I figured the book was a fun adventure romp with probably... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/03/19 Chapter 10 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/03/19 LJL at the author of Ready Player One not even getting his r... orchid haunted graveyard step-uncle's house   05/03/19 actually per imdb Also Sprach was in it: https://www.imdb... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/03/19 FMA out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/03/19 lol @ the entire score being one piece from kubrick and the ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/03/19 Chapter 11 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/03/19 Chapter 12 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/04/19 God's work Charles lol at this horseshit trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/04/19 ... Crimson disturbing corner   05/04/19 ... vigorous chartreuse generalized bond   05/07/19 this is unbelievably bad. It's like Cline is an alien who's ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/04/19 And Cline wrote this *in his 40's*. Its not just that he w... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/04/19 ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/04/19 Yeah that’s one of the worst things about this. It mig... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/04/19 ... at-the-ready juggernaut   05/04/19 ... wonderful fortuitous meteor   05/06/19 ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/04/19 ... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/04/19 this is 180 c12 Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry   05/05/19 ... amber den friendly grandma   05/05/19 ... slimy library halford   05/05/19 ... orchid haunted graveyard step-uncle's house   05/06/19 moar please glittery swollen locus regret   05/05/19 Chapter 12 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/06/19 holy shit Wade is MPA at-the-ready juggernaut   05/06/19 ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/06/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/06/19 lmao Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   05/07/19 ... know-it-all address national security agency   05/10/19 ... Tantric forum pisswyrm   05/14/19 ... ungodly gay new version mental disorder   11/10/19 lol at this excruciating goonspeak working on any human fema... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/06/19 https://editorial01.shutterstock.com/wm-preview-1500/9478673... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/11/19 Chapter 13 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/06/19 "“Parzival-approved” haptic rigs, gloves, a... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/06/19 ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/06/19 to be fair people living in trailers crammed next to each ot... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/06/19 "until my brain began to feel like Aquafresh toothpaste... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/06/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/06/19 Yeah what the fuck is this, what’s he trying to convey... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/06/19 Shit yeah I got that Cap’n Crunch phreaking whistle re... stirring fanboi   05/09/19 Chapter 14 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/06/19 PWN PWN PWN at-the-ready juggernaut   05/07/19 This is incredible. we need a final solution to the YA novel... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/07/19 I don't think RP1 is considered YA. It's 'adult'. Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/07/19 I’m disappointed he didn’t yell out “PYSCH... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/07/19 It's actually spelled "sike", as us real 80s kids ... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/07/19 I can just imagine the movie theater jumping up and cheering... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/07/19 holy shit what a BIG WILLY reversal there hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/07/19 Nice try Charles, but there’s no way this is real trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/07/19 TWIST: IOI fired up the engines to the plane to pick him up ... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/07/19 even the synopsis is too cringe-inducing for me to finish. t... Comical Hominid   05/07/19 ... amber den friendly grandma   05/07/19 this is incredible thank you for doing this Effete location headpube   05/07/19 Chapter 14 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/07/19 seems like it would have been easier and a little more "... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/07/19 Or have him quietly killed, which police will blame on the l... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/07/19 no, no, waterboarding this fat unathletic neckbeard would su... Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry   05/07/19 ... Comical Hominid   05/07/19 ... at-the-ready juggernaut   05/07/19 rule #1 in the dog eat dog profit worshiping corporate world... Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   05/07/19 Chapter 15 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/08/19 Lmao at filthy casuals who don't memorize the layouts of fam... amber den friendly grandma   05/08/19 ... Comical Hominid   05/08/19 ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/08/19 Chapter 16 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/08/19 Apparently, the Sixers have planted evidence to make it look... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/08/19 This sounds almost like a normal novel for a chapter. I foun... Comical Hominid   05/09/19 There definitely wasn’t as much to make fun of this ch... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/09/19 this makes it sound like some bizarro version of Canticle fo... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/09/19 Your posts ITT are now the highlight of my day. JFC Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/09/19 Thank out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/10/19 ... stirring fanboi   05/10/19 ... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/10/19 Shower thought: In a time of severe energy crisis and widesp... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/09/19 if you want to give him far more credit than he deserves, it... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/09/19 Personally I like Snow Crash's solution to the cyberpunk hou... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/09/19 Chapter 17 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/09/19 No way I'm reading that. Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/10/19 You made the right decision Talking heady national   05/10/19 This is not TCR out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/10/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/10/19 This is a verbatim transcript of an AOL chat between clines ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/10/19 the 300 lb comment had to be appropriated from IRL Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/10/19 "Parzival: This is the OASIS. We exist as nothing but r... Crimson disturbing corner   05/10/19 She likes baldmos, your should go for her charles at-the-ready juggernaut   05/10/19 Chapter 17 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/10/19 Cline has a real commitment to consuming large quantities of... amber den friendly grandma   05/10/19 Yeah I've had the same thought. All of his "research&qu... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/10/19 TBF, if we want to give Cline credit, we could assume that t... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/10/19 It's all perfectly coherent plot-wise; as you say, I can see... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/10/19 "The problem is that this is played as something cool o... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/10/19 cr trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/10/19 ... ungodly gay new version mental disorder   11/10/19 Chapter 18 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/10/19 "The gray-bearded wizard was hunched over an elaborate ... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/10/19 What? No. DJ culture wasn't as big hear as it was in Euro... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/10/19 There were also deth metal and shoegaze aficionados in the U... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/10/19 No. Turntablism was big in the 80s. Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry   05/11/19 (zoomer) Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/12/19 (Guy who didn’t live in Detroit in 1988) Snowy Giraffe   11/10/19 so it sounds like the real importance of this book is that i... appetizing french chef space   05/10/19 ... Nighttime Psychic Brethren   05/10/19 Seems like a lot of time wasted punching down. In the time i... Razzmatazz Milky Really Tough Guy Business Firm   05/10/19 I'd love to hear you elaborate on how you consider this to b... Nighttime Psychic Brethren   05/10/19 fuck off trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/10/19 https://f4.bcbits.com/img/a2681126142_10.jpg out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/10/19 I was complimenting you. You're very well-read. I saw your p... Razzmatazz Milky Really Tough Guy Business Firm   05/10/19 Oh what a moderate take at-the-ready juggernaut   05/10/19 ... know-it-all address national security agency   05/10/19 like, punching down would be making fun of this one high sch... Nighttime Psychic Brethren   05/10/19 Would you rather assign the children something they won't bo... Razzmatazz Milky Really Tough Guy Business Firm   05/10/19 CR. we should assign them twilight erotic fanfic so that the... amber den friendly grandma   05/10/19 this absolutely needs 2 be next hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/11/19 I genuinely don't understand why a child would read this. I... floppy parlor kitty   05/10/19 If by "this" you mean Charles' thread, it should b... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/10/19 ... floppy parlor kitty   05/10/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/11/19 ... Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   05/11/19 ... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/12/19 lol at choosing this hill to die on trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/10/19 I think they should assign Let's Play videos and nothing els... Nighttime Psychic Brethren   05/10/19 gb2reddit Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/10/19 Charles should Pick on someone his own size, like a four-yea... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/10/19 I didn't pick on that little kid. The whole point of that ex... Razzmatazz Milky Really Tough Guy Business Firm   05/10/19 jfc, you're a joyless faggot. Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry   05/11/19 Great thread but Penguin already has a teaching guide, click... Nighttime Psychic Brethren   05/10/19 "On page 25, Wade Watts explains how he creates a mecha... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/10/19 Q: Describe the extent and impact of global climate change i... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/10/19 A: "I'm not exactly sure, but given the author's demons... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/10/19 "support your answer with data" uh Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   05/11/19 Hilarious moniker hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/10/19 lmao incredible Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/10/19 This novel is a masterwork of dystopian satire and Charles c... floppy parlor kitty   05/10/19 Describe out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/10/19 Chapter 18 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/11/19 Look at this guy who thinks "cosine waves" is a cu... amber den friendly grandma   05/11/19 (guy who never rode on tangent waves) Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/11/19 ... insane painfully honest locale indirect expression   05/12/19 Chapter 19 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/12/19 seems like the real Heroes are his Corporate Sponsors slimy library halford   05/12/19 oh my god Razzle Tank   05/12/19 This thread has made me respect the movie a lot more Crimson disturbing corner   05/12/19 ... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/12/19 Yeah Adapting something like Naked Lunch must have been ... Tantric forum pisswyrm   05/13/19 It's true. Newton, Einstein and Galileo were notorious chron... amber den friendly grandma   05/12/19 When did people start conflating nerds (smart kids who pursu... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/12/19 This guy is a GenX boomer who feels its important to put &qu... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/12/19 ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/12/19 ... frisky circlehead tanning salon   05/12/19 ... Fishy flickering stag film   05/12/19 ... Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   05/12/19 ... Bearded laughsome useless brakes   05/22/19 "knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom"... Fragrant Onyx Immigrant   05/12/19 lol cr And women masturbate bigot, deal with it trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/12/19 lol hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/12/19 ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/12/19 ... Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   05/12/19 Chapter 19 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/12/19 Chapter 20 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/12/19 lol that 'POV' concept is so forced you have to wonder how l... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/12/19 If no one can get onto his astroid unless he grants them acc... histrionic whorehouse depressive   05/13/19 chaz, how familiar are you with cicada 3301? theres an e... appetizing french chef space   05/12/19 Only know what's on Wikipedia. I'm not big into super-puzzle... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/12/19 yeah, its a good counterpoint. sure there are nerd refe... appetizing french chef space   05/12/19 dude literally cant comprehend the question raised itt: ... appetizing french chef space   05/12/19 "Why would you make an unpopular culture reference, unl... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/12/19 Tbf, I think he definitely understood the question. histrionic whorehouse depressive   05/13/19 i have to say that, although the storyline is utterly retard... Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry   05/12/19 It’s a bad book, but the popularity is sadly comprehen... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/12/19 It's a solid concept but with incredibly poor execution. Sim... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/13/19 ... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/13/19 Its not a solid concept because the idea of following a fict... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/13/19 ... Tantric forum pisswyrm   05/14/19 Chapter 21 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/13/19 If he was bombarding the cargo ship with lasers and torpedos... histrionic whorehouse depressive   05/13/19 Chapter 22 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/13/19 That was awfully nice of ex-BFF Aech. Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/13/19 I imagine it's repayment for the Jousting clue. Not a terrib... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/13/19 he just sits down and runs a perfect PacMan score, through 2... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/13/19 In fairness it does take him 8 attempts, but that's still pr... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/13/19 Perfect Pac-Man: May 22, 2013 - 3hrs 28min 49sec (1 of 2) ... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/13/19 lmao at that bro listening to a course on the muslim brother... Swashbuckling faggotry   05/13/19 yeah, he's a GAMER: Guys Against Muslim Expropriation ... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/13/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/14/19 Chapter 23 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/13/19 it's also Honeycomb (singular). If you already know how t... Bateful partner   05/13/19 It does seem like a decent investment of time/money to get a... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/13/19 lol enemies. Zork has none, it's the primitive text-only an... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/13/19 Are there at least monsters in the context of the adventure?... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/13/19 There are monsters but its not like an rpg where they have H... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/13/19 filfre.net has good articles on Infocom games for anyone who... amber den friendly grandma   05/13/19 I played a few of these on an old PC in the late 80's / earl... wonderful fortuitous meteor   05/14/19 You are doing yeoman's work slogging through this for us. fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/14/19 Chapter 24 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/14/19 Chapter 25 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/14/19 hikikomori typically live at home and are enabled by their p... amber den friendly grandma   05/14/19 Cline does mention that hikikomori "rely on their famil... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/14/19 I feel like with some minor retconning you could have Christ... free-loading zombie-like toaster   05/15/19 ... Comical Hominid   05/16/19 Chapter 26 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/15/19 FUCK hairless legend   05/15/19 ""Black Tiger had first been released in Japan und... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/15/19 I wouldn't sweat it too much. The "seppuku" fuckup... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/15/19 Hate to admit it, but Black Tiger was one of my favourite ar... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/16/19 Chapter 27 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/15/19 ... slimy library halford   05/15/19 ... amber den friendly grandma   05/15/19 ... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/15/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/15/19 With their 1976 concept album 2112, Canadian band Rush achie... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/16/19 Doing God's work here. No interest in actually reading the b... fighting newt coldplay fan   05/15/19 ... hairless legend   05/16/19 im assuming that xoxo is part of a similar multiyear scavang... slimy library halford   05/15/19 ... amber den friendly grandma   05/16/19 it's not unsolved, it's a hash cipher that details how to ha... Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry   05/16/19 That's why we're here all day endlessly studying xo content Crimson disturbing corner   05/16/19 I’ve watched “Hate Crime (2012)” 53 times.... free-loading zombie-like toaster   05/16/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/16/19 ... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/16/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/21/19 ... know-it-all address national security agency   05/28/19 Chapter 28 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/16/19 Where is chapter 28 you motherfucker? Btw, I'm eagerly aw... fighting newt coldplay fan   05/16/19 Whoops, the above was Ch 28. The book uses a weird font for ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/16/19 I feel like you could have savaged this chapter a lot more, ... fighting newt coldplay fan   05/16/19 You're right. I was lulled a bit by how the last few chapter... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/16/19 Also I think your earlier estimate of how much time all that... Talking heady national   05/17/19 "OF COURSE, I'd taken the precaution of reinforcing my ... fighting newt coldplay fan   05/17/19 Had the same thought, glad Charles returned to SAVAGE that p... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/18/19 An engineer friend now informs me that titanium isn’t ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/20/19 ? Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/19/19 Chapter 29 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/19/19 Wow this guy is a hack trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/19/19 ... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/20/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/20/19 "ugh, none of this makes any sense at all" fighting newt coldplay fan   05/21/19 Chapter 30 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/20/19 I love how "Hot cock 007" is (rightly) seen as irr... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/20/19 its her dream weight appetizing french chef space   05/20/19 brb changing my moniker to HotCock007 adulterous big station   05/20/19 ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/20/19 HotCock007 seems more apt for a grindr handle than a MMORPG.... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/20/19 that's a strong "would" from me, chief amber den friendly grandma   05/20/19 ... stirring fanboi   05/27/19 L33t Hax0rz Warezhaus ljl adulterous big station   05/20/19 "I would have assumed the data was bogus had it not bee... amber den friendly grandma   05/20/19 And info about median cock thickness, median female number o... sticky brass gunner   05/20/19 JFC this is somehow getting worse trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/20/19 It was better as escapist retro-80s fantasy than this terrib... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/20/19 this is the worst chapter yet. what a stupid plan, on many l... at-the-ready juggernaut   05/20/19 “...You know, except for the fact that Cline's narrati... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/21/19 Chapter 31 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/21/19 ""I removed the Glock from its clear plastic blist... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/21/19 ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/21/19 ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/21/19 ... Comical Hominid   05/21/19 bleep bloop blaster pistol acquired *sticks glock up ass... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/21/19 Nothing in part 3 makes any sense at all. -if his plan was ... fighting newt coldplay fan   05/21/19 -reinforcement He could have been worried about them show... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/21/19 -I figured the reinforcement all predated his plan, and was ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/21/19 “Wade almost gives himself away because he forgets to ... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/21/19 Anybody else catch the Brazil reference? Harry Tuttle? stirring fanboi   05/27/19 Chapter 32 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/21/19 Whoa, Ogden! Bad ass!!!! sienna ape   05/21/19 Another moment when I can imagine the opening night crowd st... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/22/19 The dream of the 80s is alive... in Portland. fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/21/19 ... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/22/19 1. It's possible to spam all of Oasis with an email? How doe... fighting newt coldplay fan   05/22/19 I thought about #1 initially, but it turns out Wade’s ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/22/19 Blind melon does a 180 cover of that song https://m.youtube... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/22/19 Chapter 33 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/22/19 i want to throw my phone out the window Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   05/22/19 You can tell from the dialogue that Cline is friends with ma... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/22/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/22/19 ... at-the-ready juggernaut   05/22/19 LMAO fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/22/19 OH WOW THE OLD RECLUSE TECH GENIUS GIVES THEM SANCTUARY ON H... Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry   05/22/19 lol at the shitty comic book foreshadowing too fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/22/19 im surprised by this swerve. seemed to be building to Aech ... slimy library halford   05/22/19 its easy to over think this book Comical Hominid   05/23/19 Chapter 33 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/23/19 This thread has given me a whole new respect for the movie. ... Crimson disturbing corner   05/23/19 i feel like we should have an xo monthly bookclub adulterous big station   05/23/19 If that involves someone else doing all the work that C12 is... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/23/19 Agreed. I thought the movie was a middling drivel, and ba... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/23/19 i feel like i could be a mildly successful YA author based o... adulterous big station   05/23/19 Maintain a finger on the pulse of the collective mood of the... Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/23/19 Let's finish this fucking thing. IM SO HYPED. You HAVE to... fighting newt coldplay fan   05/23/19 ... Geriatric brilliant nibblets   05/23/19 I feel like each post has been pretty detailed. Any particul... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/23/19 They have been detailed, but we need your FINAL THOUGHTS whe... fighting newt coldplay fan   05/23/19 ... amber den friendly grandma   05/23/19 "As Aech explained all of this, I could tell she was st... slimy library halford   05/24/19 Plus the Rockies have hundreds of peaks higher than 10,000 f... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/24/19 Chapter 34 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/23/19 Chapter 35 fighting newt coldplay fan   05/24/19 ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/24/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/24/19 ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/24/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/24/19 ... amber den friendly grandma   05/24/19 ... at-the-ready juggernaut   05/24/19 Chapter 35, For Real out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/24/19 Pointless Ego Battle ||| Masculine Pronouns ||| Digital Chad slimy library halford   05/24/19 The annoying part of this story is that the twists make it s... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/25/19 ... amber den friendly grandma   05/27/19 Oh yeah OF COURSE IT'S A GAY FAT BLACK WOMAN! fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/27/19 maybe Cline will make a deathbed confession many years from ... Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry   05/27/19 "several beehives and wasp nests had been smashed toget... fighting newt coldplay fan   05/25/19 Cline hasn't played Tomb of Horrors or even done the most ba... nudist dilemma half-breed   05/27/19 Amazing, nice find. out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/27/19 lol he revealed ur 500+ poast literary critique as a fraud, ... fighting newt coldplay fan   06/02/19 ... amber den friendly grandma   05/28/19 Literary license? lol fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/28/19 The timeline of Aech's life was still bugging me, so I went ... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/28/19 such a last minute character revision would explain why the ... slimy library halford   05/28/19 Lol fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/30/19 Chapter 36 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/28/19 agreed. I do not know of any in-game deaths that result in l... Comical Hominid   05/28/19 you can tell artemis is his girlfriend because she always ca... amber den friendly grandma   05/28/19 His party agrees to "help" him just by watching fr... know-it-all address national security agency   05/28/19 He realizes he went through all the trouble of creating a sa... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/28/19 Chapter 37 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/28/19 Kinda sad that Cline has so few ideas that in one book we ha... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/28/19 “billionaire who only wants to playold Atari and intel... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/28/19 "'Damn, girl,' Aech said. 'You’ve got some seri... at-the-ready juggernaut   05/28/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/29/19 the PDP-1 isn't a home computer. wikipedia says a typical sy... amber den friendly grandma   05/29/19 Chapter 38 Part 1 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/29/19 ... slimy library halford   05/29/19 I take off my robe and wizard hat hideous indecent faggot firefighter   05/30/19 FINISH HIM Massive Stage Striped Hyena   05/30/19 ... hairless legend   05/30/19 Eagerly awaiting this final scholarly treat. hairless legend   05/30/19 ... sienna ape   05/30/19 ... trip lake marketing idea boistinker   05/30/19 Next book review: the Martian? I remember it being equally s... sienna ape   05/30/19 I literally think I caught AIDS watching that movie in theat... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/30/19 Chapter 38 Part 2 out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/30/19 Tyty! Just in time for my afternoon shit. Scarlet sneaky criminal   05/30/19 "'Yes, they can,' Aech said. Then he flashed his Cheshi... Bateful partner   05/30/19 Final Chapter out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/30/19 Was it ever explained where Artemis got the money to become ... Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha   05/30/19 Probably the same store of family wealth that allowed her to... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   05/30/19 the lawyers bared in Oregon are the real heros slimy library halford   05/30/19 ... Offensive gaming laptop deer antler   05/30/19 ... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   05/30/19 One of the most damning parts that you mentioned is that thi... sienna ape   05/30/19 cr he probably looked like butterbean after several rounds o... Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry   05/30/19 Burst out laughing at the lightning line hideous indecent faggot firefighter   06/03/19 In the end, the only real hero is Charles Crimson disturbing corner   05/30/19 ... sienna ape   05/30/19 ... hairless legend   05/31/19 ... amber den friendly grandma   06/01/19 ... fluffy rough-skinned dragon   06/01/19 ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   06/03/19 ... fighting newt coldplay fan   06/03/19 ... black casino famous landscape painting   06/21/19 ... amber den friendly grandma   06/22/19 The narrator protagonist seems very unreliable / self-absorb... slimy library halford   06/01/19 You are giving the author WAAAAAAAAY too much credit. Scarlet sneaky criminal   06/01/19 would be 180 lol know-it-all address national security agency   06/01/19 180 twist hideous indecent faggot firefighter   06/05/19 Conclusion out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   06/04/19 Reserved fighting newt coldplay fan   06/04/19 I would love to get your take on the movie as a comparison Crimson disturbing corner   06/05/19 Maaaaaaybe, but I see so few movies that watching that parti... out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   06/05/19 ... slimy library halford   06/21/19 Thank you for your service I agree that this was a riper ... hideous indecent faggot firefighter   06/05/19 RP1 author: loving relationship with adoring wife CXII: e... blue twinkling uncleanness   08/10/19 You’re a few months behind the times, friend. out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   08/10/19 Ernest Cline got divorced? Snowy Giraffe   11/10/19 ... Marvelous Police Squad University   11/10/19 Ready Player Two coming out November 24 https://www.holly... free-loading zombie-like toaster   07/08/20 180, will 100% read it. out-of-control cracking travel guidebook   07/08/20 ... slimy library halford   07/08/20 180 Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit   07/08/20 Glad a hot new poaster was able to provide the SWEET TREATS free-loading zombie-like toaster   11/25/20 ... Fragrant Onyx Immigrant   07/10/20 ... Spectacular Irate Senate Volcanic Crater   07/10/20 ... Marvelous Police Squad University   07/11/20 Poast new message in this thread Date: April 25th, 2019 7:18 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook For four years, I have been searching for a book sufficiently terrible to justify being the follow-up to the Christian Nation book review thread (http://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2901174&mc=3&forum_id=2 ). I think Ready Player One is that book. Ready Player One is one of the most stupendously popular books of the past decade. It has 19,000 Amazon reviews (almost as many as A Game of Thrones), and they are overwhelmingly 4 or 5 stars. In 2018, its film adaptation grossed more than half a billion dollars. A sequel is in the works right now. The author, Ernest Cline, is a slam poet who lives in Austin: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/14/Ernest_Cline_by_Gage_Skidmore.jpg/220px-Ernest_Cline_by_Gage_Skidmore.jpg Here are what some professional writers and critics said about the book: "Completely fricking awesome...This book pleased every geeky bone in my geeky body. I felt like it was written just for me." -Patrick Rothfuss "A treasure for anyone already nostalgic for the late 20th century. . . But it’s also a great read for anyone who likes a good book." —Wired.com "Ridiculously fun and large-hearted, and you don't have to remember the Reagan administration to love it…[Cline] takes a far-out premise and engages the reader instantly…You'll wish you could make it go on and on." —NPR "Nerdgasm ... there can be no better one-word description of this ardent fantasy artifact about fantasy culture ... But Mr. Cline is able to incorporate his favorite toys and games into a perfectly accessible narrative.” —Janet Maslin, The New York Times "A rollicking, surprise-laden, potboiling, thrilling adventure story ... I loved every sentence of this book." -BoingBoing All of these people are full of shit. Ready Player One isn't just bad. It may encapsulate every negative trend in modern fiction. But don't take my word for it. We'll start going through the book in the next post. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142823) Date: April 25th, 2019 7:19 PM Author: Diverse gaping subscribed (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142829) Date: April 25th, 2019 7:28 PM Author: orchid haunted graveyard step-uncle's house (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142865) Date: April 25th, 2019 11:51 PM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit aw hell yeah (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144351) Date: April 26th, 2019 6:22 AM Author: dark 180 base (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144984) Date: April 26th, 2019 7:30 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145062) Date: April 26th, 2019 8:05 AM Author: Sick box office electric furnace (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145124) Date: April 26th, 2019 10:13 AM Author: jade crackhouse cuck (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145460) Date: April 26th, 2019 11:29 AM Author: Bearded laughsome useless brakes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145982) Date: April 26th, 2019 2:17 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38146941) Date: April 27th, 2019 12:12 AM Author: olive stimulating theatre internal respiration (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149524) Date: May 2nd, 2019 10:07 AM Author: Tantric forum pisswyrm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174506) Date: May 5th, 2019 5:12 PM Author: cowardly contagious turdskin (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38191095) Date: May 9th, 2019 10:27 AM Author: silver bossy preventive strike sanctuary (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209803) Date: April 25th, 2019 7:27 PM Author: free-loading zombie-like toaster The obvious next level in JJC threading: http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3942325&mc=9&forum_id=2 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142862) Date: April 25th, 2019 7:54 PM Author: ungodly gay new version mental disorder (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142976) Date: April 25th, 2019 8:51 PM Author: Snowy Giraffe Ready Player One:JJC::Jason Mraz:TSINAH (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143300) Date: April 26th, 2019 1:08 AM Author: nubile round eye puppy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144578) Date: April 25th, 2019 7:50 PM Author: coral boyish sound barrier I thought this book was fun but ridiculous and well worth a takedown. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142961) Date: April 25th, 2019 7:54 PM Author: curious yellow azn Fully erect in anticipation of this thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142977) Date: April 25th, 2019 8:03 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha >professional writers and critics said about the book: >"Completely fricking awesome" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143003) Date: April 25th, 2019 8:12 PM Author: godawful abode Charles has a writing style similar to my own. Perhaps not in our normal xo conversational languages, but when he sets out a premise it is very similar to my own style. I’m biased, but I think he is an excellent writer. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143051) Date: April 26th, 2019 6:15 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler I really do think that if you're shooting for clarity the best writers would all be indistinguishable from one another (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144976) Date: April 26th, 2019 10:12 AM Author: godawful abode I largely agree. But very few people seem to have the knack for writing with clarity. Most, IMO, write self-indulgently using many words while saying nothing. And, if they make a point, it’s hidden in the jumble. Caveats: The best English professor I ever had, who helped my writing immensely, suggested I attend law school because “few have the innate knack for logical structure & clarity of argument.” Only bad advice he ever gave me. I also had a prominent NY attorney, who judged a mock trial in LS, tell me that it would be an “utter shame” if I did not become a trial lawyer because I had “an extremely rare knack for questioning witnesses.” Sometimes what you’re good at doesn’t make you happy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145459) Date: April 26th, 2019 7:48 PM Author: chrome hall also no evidence you are actually "good"at any of those things. You took offhand comments from boomer idiots and based your life around them. Pretty LOW IQ move. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148504) Date: April 26th, 2019 9:17 PM Author: godawful abode I think having experts in a particular field tell you that they believe you have rare talents in their fields of expertise qualifies as evidence that you are probably good at those skills. Following their career advice, which was genuine, well-intentioned, & not “offhand,” may be low IQ, though. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148812) Date: April 25th, 2019 8:15 PM Author: Smoky cerebral trailer park death wish My review: Premise was good and 80's nostalgia was entertaining but book was way too childish and faggy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143069) Date: April 25th, 2019 8:34 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: PROLOGUE Chapter 00 -The prologue chapter begins five years before the main narrative, describing how we got here. Billionaire James Halliday, inventor of the mega-popular VR online world OASIS, dies without an heir. -In the third paragraph, we get our first cringeworthy 80s pop culture reference: "At first, I couldn’t understand why the media was making such a big deal of the billionaire’s death. After all, the people of Planet Earth had other concerns. The ongoing energy crisis. Catastrophic climate change. Widespread famine, poverty, and disease. Half a dozen wars. You know: 'dogs and cats living together … mass hysteria!'" -The narrator describes other horrors that plague the modern world, like killer viruses and the destruction of major cities with nuclear weapons. It sounds like the world is completely collapsing. Remember that, now. -After his death, Halliday releases a five-minute video explaining how his heir will be chosen. The video, in the narrator's memorable words, has "everyone from Toronto to Tokyo crapping in their cornflakes," so we can deduce that 1. Toronto and Tokyo haven't been nuked, and 2. Despite nuclear war ravaging the planet, cereal companies are still making corn flakes. The narrator says that Halliday's 5-minute video becomes the most-analyzed film in history, memorized by every single member of his generation. -Halliday's video, Anorak's Invitation (Anorak is his avatar), is basically just a neverending blizzard of 80s references: The people in the background are all extras from John Hughes movies, the setting is a room from the film Heathers, a bunch of old game consoles make an appearance, etc. Halliday explains how the first video game "easter egg" was in the Atari game Adventure. Whoever finds his own "Easter egg," hidden in the OASIS, will be given Halliday's entire fortune, plus control of the OASIS itself. To reach the egg, OASIS users must first recover three hidden keys. To help people find the keys, Halliday leaves behind a few cryptic clues, as well as a thousand-page book, "Anorak's Almanac," a collection of undated diary entries discussing Halliday's interests and life philosophy. In the narrator's words, it's mostly "his stream-of-consciousness observations on various classic videogames, science-fiction and fantasy novels, movies, comic books, and '80s pop culture, mixed with humorous diatribes denouncing everything from organized religion to diet soda." HAHA MEGA LULZ HE HATES DIET COKE GUYS. -Halliday's contest rapidly changes global popular culture by sparking a huge 80s revival: "Fifty years after the decade had ended, the movies, music, games, and fashions of the 1980s were all the rage once again. By 2041, spiked hair and acid-washed jeans were back in style, and covers of hit ’80s pop songs by contemporary bands dominated the music charts. People who had actually been teenagers in the 1980s, all now approaching old age, had the strange experience of seeing the fads and fashions of their youth embraced and studied by their grandchildren." Apparently, despite global famine and nuclear war, there are still acid-washed jeans and music charts. -Millions of people join the hunt for Halliday's Egg. Those who pursue it full-time are "egg-hunters," which is eventually hilariously shortened to "gunters." For a moment, almost everybody is hunting for the egg, but after five years nobody has found a single key. Interest in the hunt dwindles down to the most hardcore (though apparently the 80s fad continues untouched). Many assume the entire Easter Egg is a hoax, a final prank by a deranged, secluded billionare. -BUT THEN: "On the evening of February 11, 2045, an avatar’s name appeared at the top of the Scoreboard, for the whole world to see. After five long years, the Copper Key had finally been found, by an eighteen-year-old kid living in a trailer park on the outskirts of Oklahoma City. That kid was me. Dozens of books, cartoons, movies, and miniseries [wait, the future will have TV miniseries again?] have attempted to tell the story of everything that happened next, but every single one of them got it wrong. So I want to set the record straight, once and for all." -Not a gruesomely bad chapter overall. Only one brutally forced reference, and the basic concept could be pulpy fun. But we're just getting started. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143176) Date: April 25th, 2019 11:58 PM Author: Lascivious Shitlib has "everyone from Toronto to Tokyo crapping in their cornflakes," so people instantly forget a city's name if it gets nuked? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144377) Date: April 26th, 2019 6:20 AM Author: stirring fanboi I think they stop living there because of the cockroaches (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144981) Date: April 26th, 2019 2:26 PM Author: Lascivious Shitlib (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38146992) Date: April 26th, 2019 2:58 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147162) Date: April 25th, 2019 8:36 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler subscribed (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143186) Date: April 25th, 2019 8:40 PM Author: slimy library halford (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143223) Date: April 25th, 2019 8:48 PM Author: Snowy Giraffe can't wait (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143282) Date: April 25th, 2019 8:51 PM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143302) Date: April 25th, 2019 11:49 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: CHAPTER 1 Part 1 -The main narrative opens with this amazing quote from Anorak's Almanac: "Being human totally sucks most of the time. Videogames are the only thing that make life bearable." Now, granted, this is the view of a CHARACTER in the book, not the author. But I've read about half of this book already, and nothing so far has suggested anything except that life really DOES suck and video games are the one bright spot. Also, this book's entire plot revolves around the idea that by playing video games for half a decade you could suddenly be rewarded by becoming the richest man in the world. So... it really does seem to be the author's opinion. Also, another quibble: Does that quote really sound like the opinion of the richest man in the world? Becoming a self-made megabillionaire requires a huge amount of drive, ambition, energy, and single-minded commitment. Do you really think a guy who thinks everything except playing video games sucks would do that? Seems unlikely. -The narrator is woken by gunfire, which is common in "the stacks," where he lives. Unable to go back to sleep, he decides to kill a few hours by practicing some old coin-op games: Galaga, Asteroids, Defender. They may be old, but the narrator doesn't care: "I was a gunter, so I didn’t think of them as quaint low-res antiques. To me, they were hallowed artifacts. Pillars of the pantheon. When I played the classics, I did so with a determined sort of reverence." I don't know how reverence can be "determined," but whatever. -The narrator lives in a double-wide trailer with fifteen other people. He prefers to sleep in the laundry room, which smells like fabric softener, instead of "cat piss and abject poverty." -"I pulled out my laptop and powered it on. It was a bulky, heavy beast, almost ten years old. I’d found it in a trash bin behind the abandoned strip mall across the highway. " Cline seems to be evoking the ancient laptops of the 90s, which of course were all bulky and heavy. But this is the 2040s. Even by 2010, when the book was written, the typical laptop had become very lightweight. Why would even an "old" laptop in the future suddenly be hefty again? Also, if the world is falling apart and everyone is poor, wouldn't people keep using old computers rather than just abandoning them in dumpsters? -"I’d been able to coax it back to life by replacing its system memory and reloading the stone-age operating system. The processor was slower than a sloth by current standards, but it was fine for my needs." According to the narrator, the real world is falling apart from war, famine, and an energy crisis. Is there still such dramatic computer innovation that a decade-old laptop is hopelessly obsolete? Who is putting out new operating systems? How did Moore's Law get reignited in such a terrible economic climate? -The narrator offers his endorsement of the Anorak quote above: "I booted up my emulator and selected Robotron: 2084, one of my all-time favorite games ... Playing old videogames never failed to clear my mind and set me at ease. If I was feeling depressed or frustrated about my lot in life, all I had to do was tap the Player One button, and my worries would instantly slip away as my mind focused itself on the relentless pixelated onslaught on the screen in front of me." -The narrator plays the game for "a few hours." That's a lot of Robotron. But he's not done yet. After getting a game over, he opens his video library: "Over the past five years, I’d downloaded every single movie, TV show, and cartoon mentioned in Anorak’s Almanac." -Instead of watching something new, though, he decides to rewatch one of Halliday's favorite sitcoms, Family Ties: "I’d become addicted to the show immediately, and had now watched all 180 episodes, multiple times." FWIW, that's a minimum of 120 hours just spent watching Family Ties. -As he watches what turns out to be four straight episodes of Family Ties, the narrator finally gives his name and starts explaining his own situation: "I was the only child of two teenagers, both refugees [from where?] who’d met in the stacks where I’d grown up. I don’t remember my father. When I was just a few months old, he was shot dead while looting a grocery store during a power blackout. The only thing I really knew about him was that he loved comic books. I’d found several old flash drives in a box of his things, containing complete runs of The Amazing Spider-Man, The X-Men, and Green Lantern. My mom once told me that my dad had given me an alliterative name, Wade Watts, because he thought it sounded like the secret identity of a superhero. Like Peter Parker or Clark Kent. Knowing that made me think he must have been a cool guy, despite how he’d died." -Wade's mother worked inside OASIS as a telemarketer and as an escort at an online brothel: "She used to make me wear earplugs at night so I wouldn’t hear her in the next room, talking dirty to tricks in other time zones." Maybe I'm not up to date on my lingo, but aren't tricks the actual sex acts that hookers perform, while the clients are "johns"? -Wade then takes a moment to explain how the world itself is shit. He says that when he was a kid, everybody "lied" to him about what was going on, and he only figured out the truth by reading books in the Oasis library. But he never actually explains what the lies were, so I guess we just have to take his word for it. Anyway, Wade then says what he WISHES he'd been told by the adults in his life. It's a literal r/atheism-style screed about how there's no God and everything sucks. Reading this was when I knew I had to do an XO readthrough of the book, so fuck it, I'm posting it in full: “Here’s the deal, Wade. You’re something called a ‘human being.’ That’s a really smart kind of animal. Like every other animal on this planet, we’re descended from a single-celled organism that lived millions of years ago. This happened by a process called evolution, and you’ll learn more about it later. But trust me, that’s really how we all got here. There’s proof of it everywhere, buried in the rocks. That story you heard? About how we were all created by a super-powerful dude named God who lives up in the sky? Total bullshit. The whole God thing is actually an ancient fairy tale that people have been telling one another for thousands of years. We made it all up. Like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. “Oh, and by the way … there’s no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny. Also bullshit. Sorry, kid. Deal with it. “You’re probably wondering what happened before you got here. An awful lot of stuff, actually. Once we evolved into humans, things got pretty interesting. We figured out how to grow food and domesticate animals so we didn’t have to spend all of our time hunting. Our tribes got much bigger, and we spread across the entire planet like an unstoppable virus. Then, after fighting a bunch of wars with each other over land, resources, and our made-up gods, we eventually got all of our tribes organized into a ‘global civilization.’ But, honestly, it wasn’t all that organized, or civilized, and we continued to fight a lot of wars with each other. But we also figured out how to do science, which helped us develop technology. For a bunch of hairless apes, we’ve actually managed to invent some pretty incredible things. Computers. Medicine. Lasers. Microwave ovens. Artificial hearts. Atomic bombs. We even sent a few guys to the moon and brought them back. We also created a global communications network that lets us all talk to each other, all around the world, all the time. Pretty impressive, right? “But that’s where the bad news comes in. Our global civilization came at a huge cost. We needed a whole bunch of energy to build it, and we got that energy by burning fossil fuels, which came from dead plants and animals buried deep in the ground. We used up most of this fuel before you got here, and now it’s pretty much all gone. This means that we no longer have enough energy to keep our civilization running like it was before. So we’ve had to cut back. Big-time. We call this the Global Energy Crisis, and it’s been going on for a while now. “Also, it turns out that burning all of those fossil fuels had some nasty side effects, like raising the temperature of our planet and screwing up the environment. So now the polar ice caps are melting, sea levels are rising, and the weather is all messed up. Plants and animals are dying off in record numbers, and lots of people are starving and homeless. And we’re still fighting wars with each other, mostly over the few resources we have left. “Basically, kid, what this all means is that life is a lot tougher than it used to be, in the Good Old Days, back before you were born. Things used to be awesome, but now they’re kinda terrifying. To be honest, the future doesn’t look too bright. You were born at a pretty crappy time in history. And it looks like things are only gonna get worse from here on out. Human civilization is in ‘decline.’ Some people even say it’s ‘collapsing.’ “You’re probably wondering what’s going to happen to you. That’s easy. The same thing is going to happen to you that has happened to every other human being who has ever lived. You’re going to die. We all die. That’s just how it is. “What happens when you die? Well, we’re not completely sure. But the evidence seems to suggest that nothing happens. You’re just dead, your brain stops working, and then you’re not around to ask annoying questions anymore. Those stories you heard? About going to a wonderful place called ‘heaven’ where there is no more pain or death and you live forever in a state of perpetual happiness? Also total bullshit. Just like all that God stuff. There’s no evidence of a heaven and there never was. We made that up too. Wishful thinking. So now you have to live the rest of your life knowing you’re going to die someday and disappear forever. “Sorry.” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144348) Date: April 26th, 2019 11:28 AM Author: histrionic whorehouse depressive Technically you are right about tricks/johns but Ive heard dumb women refer to the guys as tricks. I think it makes them feel empowered as sex workers saying it this way or some bullsbit like that. Also, they cut that part out of the movie. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145971) Date: April 26th, 2019 11:28 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Did they cut out all the r/EuphoricAtheist crap? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145977) Date: April 26th, 2019 11:39 AM Author: histrionic whorehouse depressive I watched it on an airplane so memory isn't great.. but I think they toned it down a bunch. May have mentioned evolution and when you die you die...but they definitely didn't go as far as to say God doesn't exist. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38146051) Date: April 26th, 2019 12:00 AM Author: Comical Hominid subscribed (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144387) Date: April 26th, 2019 12:02 AM Author: light bisexual gas station (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144395) Date: April 26th, 2019 12:05 AM Author: floppy parlor kitty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144410) Date: April 26th, 2019 12:11 AM Author: amber den friendly grandma Subbed. Would probably be inappropriate to squee, but... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144428) Date: April 26th, 2019 1:02 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: CHAPTER 1 Part 2 -Wade says the shittyness of the world made him consider suicide, but luckily, he had the magical outlet of video games: "I had access to the OASIS, which was like having an escape hatch into a better reality. The OASIS kept me sane. It was my playground and my preschool, a magical place where anything was possible. The OASIS is the setting of all my happiest childhood memories." It's getting pretty clear that the Anorak quote at the start is 100% unironic. -When Wade is 11, his mom dies after shooting up some bad drugs. He moves in with his aunt Alice, who only takes him for the extra food vouchers. Despite this, Wade says he mostly has to find his own food, which he pays for by performing freelance computer repairs: "I earned enough to keep from going hungry, which was more than a lot of my neighbors could say." This is the only justification offered for how, in a time of widespread famine, Wade is still a fat guy. Wade says that, despite living in a trailer and scrambling for food, he's better off than most kids in the world, including most of those in North America. -Other than hustling for food, Wade says his only passion, and the only thing bringing him happiness, is the hunt for Halliday's egg. -Anyway, that's all of Wade's worldbuilding for now, and we finally return to the present. Wade's two-hour Family Ties marathon is halted when his aunt Alice walks in, looking like "a malnourished harpy in a housecoat." Apparently she is starving while Wade is fat, even though she is also stealing his food vouchers. -Alice tries to seize Wade's laptop to sell for money. When he resists, she returns with her boyfriend Rick, who is "perpetually shirtless, because he liked to show off his impressive collection of prison tattoos." Rick briefly menaces Wade and easily gets the laptop from him, because Wade is a pussy. -Wade decides to leave the trailer, and finally reveals his living arrangement: To cope with overcrowding, trailer parks have been converted into "stacks," with mobiles homes, shipping containers, and even VW minibuses all stacked in metal frames rising 15-25 stories into the air. The overcrowding occurred when the energy crisis began, and people from rural and suburban areas clustered into large cities, "desperate for work, food, electricity, and reliable OASIS access." Wade's stack still has functional electricity, water, and sewage though, which is very convenient, because it means he can claim everything sucks without Wade's basic lifestyle being any different from a modern poor. -"Our trailer was near the northern edge of the stacks, which ran up to a crumbling highway overpass.From my vantage point at the laundry room window, I could see a thin stream of electric vehicles crawling along the cracked asphalt, carrying goods and workers into the city." "Carrying goods and workers" is a pretty fun turn of phrase. BTW, what do the workers do? If there really is an extremely severe energy crisis that makes travel difficult, I imagine widespread work from home, or live on-site, would be an obvious way to economize. Having workers live really far from their place of work is a luxury for high-energy times. -Then, Wade has another moment of Reddit goonthink: "As I stared out at the grim skyline, a bright sliver of the sun peeked over the horizon. Watching it rise, I performed a mental ritual: Whenever I saw the sun, I reminded myself that I was looking at a star. One of over a hundred billion stars in our galaxy. A galaxy that was just one of billions of other galaxies in the observable universe. This helped me keep things in perspective. I’d started doing it after watching a science program from the early ’80s called Cosmos." See, he watched Cosmos! That's probably so cool if you also watched Cosmos and understood that reference. -Wade descends to the bottom of the stacks, but he has to be careful: "In the stacks, it was best to avoid being heard or seen, whenever possible. There were often dangerous and desperate people about—the sort who would rob you, rape you, and then sell your organs on the black market. "Descending the network of metal girders had always reminded me of old platform videogames like Donkey Kong or BurgerTime. I’d seized upon this idea a few years earlier when I coded my first Atari 2600 game (a gunter rite of passage, like a Jedi building his first lightsaber) [Why would that be a rite of passage? Learning to code an Atari is a time-consuming niche skill very unlikely to help one find the key.] It was a Pitfall rip-off called The Stacks where you had to navigate through a vertical maze of trailers, collecting junk computers, snagging food-voucher power-ups, and avoiding meth addicts and pedophiles [Man are random pedophile attacks really a problem in the future?] on your way to school. My game was a lot more fun than the real thing." [Thanks for the clarification] -As he descends his stack, Wade passes the trailer of his neighbor Mrs. Gilmore. She's a friendly woman who apparently has no problem living on the 19th floor of a stack (accessibly only by staircase) despite being in her mid-70s. She's nice and offers Wade breakfast (a far more meaningful gesture in these famished times), but he declines. Gilmore is apparently a great woman, with one problem: She's so DUMB cuz she believes in GOD: "Mrs. Gilmore was a total sweetheart. She let me crash on her couch when I needed to, although it was hard for me to sleep there because of all her cats. Mrs. G was super-religious and spent most of her time in the OASIS, sitting in the congregation of one of those big online mega-churches, singing hymns, listening to sermons, and taking virtual tours of the Holy Land. I fixed her ancient OASIS console whenever it went on the fritz, and in return, she answered my endless questions about what it had been like for her to grow up during the 1980s. She knew the coolest bits of ’80s trivia—stuff you couldn’t learn from books or movies. She was always praying for me too. Trying her hardest to save my soul. I never had the heart to tell her that I thought organized religion was a total crock. It was a pleasant fantasy that gave her hope and kept her going—which was exactly what the Hunt was for me. To quote the Almanac: 'People who live in glass houses should shut the fuck up.'" -Wade says most people in the area who have jobs at all work in "factory farms" surrounding Oklahoma City. If it's true that the energy crisis is pushing people back into agriculture, why are they all clustered into big cities? Ag, by its nature, is rather rural. -Wade walks to his hideout ("My Batcave. My Fortress of Solitude."), a van that sits in a pile of vehicles abandoned by owners who couldn't afford gas for them anymore. In his hideout, he has a bunch of old car batteries that he recharges using an exercise bike, and then uses to generate heat and electricity. My layman's guess is that it would take a VERY long time for pedal power to generate a useful amount of electricity, but whatever, it's the future I guess. -The hideout also stores Wade's Oasis console. It's basically a VR headset with haptic gloves. Wade logs in using his password: “You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada.” That's a quote from The Last Starfighter. I'm sure knowing Wade's password is so incredibly exciting if you have watched that movie. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144567) Date: April 26th, 2019 6:02 AM Author: Razzle Tank (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144961) Date: April 26th, 2019 6:14 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler lol, is the narrator really a FAT? that's some serious manifest destiny shit right there (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144975) Date: April 26th, 2019 6:38 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Yes, even though "he has a bunch of old car batteries that he recharges using an exercise bike, and then uses to generate heat and electricity." For reference, a pro cyclist can generate 300-400 W. One of my big problems with sci-fi is the often unrealistic economies, but this one takes the cake. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145008) Date: April 26th, 2019 6:40 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler this is why science fiction books shouldn't be published without being signed off by a dietician and an M.D. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145011) Date: April 26th, 2019 3:21 PM Author: nubile round eye puppy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147275) Date: April 26th, 2019 4:56 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler Exactly. Crichton and Peter Watts wrote some of the only great hard sci-fi for this reason. The only other great sci-fi is the allegorically religious stuff, like Dick, Simmons, Stephenson, Wolfe, etc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147800) Date: May 2nd, 2019 10:09 AM Author: Tantric forum pisswyrm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174513) Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:52 PM Author: ungodly gay new version mental disorder (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38183574) Date: April 26th, 2019 9:39 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha [Why would that be a rite of passage? Learning to code an Atari is a time-consuming niche skill very unlikely to help one find the key.] Because the author has zero technical knowledge and assumed an old system would be easy to program because its old and simple. He didn't know that Ataris were programmed in assembly and programmers had to work directly with the underlying hardware architecture and this is a million times more difficult to learn than writing a simple game in a high-level language on a more advanced computer. Also, he did this in his spare time between generating power on his exercise bike and playing his MMO 12 hours a day. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145362) Date: April 26th, 2019 3:01 PM Author: wonderful fortuitous meteor (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147176) Date: April 29th, 2019 2:47 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma just to expand on this, the atari 2600 is definitely the hardest console to program because of its punishing technical limitations. atari programmers routinely used hacks like calculating the contents of the upcoming scan line while the CRT's electron gun was returning to the ready position. there's no reason for even the most abject nerd to master the requisite minutiae, and i say this as someone who knows 6502 assembly language and has written demoscene warez. man, fuck this guy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38160547) Date: April 29th, 2019 5:55 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38161516) Date: April 26th, 2019 7:37 AM Author: honey-headed metal rigor menage i saw that shitty movie, but didnt realize just how truly vile the book was. ty charles. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145067) Date: April 26th, 2019 8:41 AM Author: cobalt haunting school cafeteria pocket flask Jfc if the prose Charles quotes from the book is any indication on how the rest goes this book is utter SPS (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145193) Date: April 26th, 2019 1:49 PM Author: Snowy Giraffe The book is terribly written, but a fun ride. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38146749) Date: April 26th, 2019 2:01 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook People like you make bad things happen. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38146840) Date: April 26th, 2019 2:45 PM Author: Snowy Giraffe The movie sucked. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147094) Date: April 26th, 2019 2:59 PM Author: ungodly gay new version mental disorder (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147165) Date: April 26th, 2019 3:00 PM Author: Lascivious Shitlib glad you're finally coming around. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147171) Date: April 26th, 2019 3:09 PM Author: cobalt haunting school cafeteria pocket flask (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147213) Date: April 26th, 2019 3:10 PM Author: Bearded laughsome useless brakes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147218) Date: April 26th, 2019 4:33 PM Author: honey-headed metal rigor menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147646) Date: April 26th, 2019 5:00 PM Author: mauve idiotic resort community account enjoy life mang (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147821) Date: April 26th, 2019 5:08 PM Author: Snowy Giraffe (Well-known arbiter of culture visiting from the year 1682) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147871) Date: April 29th, 2019 9:33 AM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit that’s y we love him (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158983) Date: April 29th, 2019 8:48 PM Author: cordovan yapping philosopher-king (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162268) Date: May 2nd, 2019 10:09 AM Author: Tantric forum pisswyrm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174516) Date: April 26th, 2019 8:18 PM Author: Pearl home (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148595) Date: April 26th, 2019 4:46 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 2 Part 1 Chapter 2 -Wade's avatar enters the OASIS where he left it the night before, "in front of my locker on the second floor of my high school." Why does he even have a locker in a virtual reality school? Apparently they hold the textbooks that he adds to his "inventory," but why can't they just start in his inventory? Maybe they want it to look like a real school, but that still wouldn't require actually assigning lockers to students. Oh wait, it's obviously because Cline only has the creativity to put a paper-thin VR gloss over ordinary high school. -Wade describes his locker interior: "A picture of Princess Leia posing with a blaster pistol. A group photo of the members of Monty Python in their Holy Grail costumes. James Halliday’s Time magazine cover." -Wade's avatar has extremely meager items: A plain iron sword, a flashlight, a bronze shield, etc. Items are apparently hard to get, and in contrast to EVERY other MMO ever made, OASIS money is "one of the world’s most stable currencies, valued higher than the dollar, pound, euro, or yen." -Wade's avatar is named Parzival, a variant spelling of one of King Arthur's knights who sought the Holy Grail. Avatar names must be unique to the user, so it's rather surprising that name was completely unclaimed 20+ years into the OASIS's existence. I'll give it a pass, though. -Wade mentions that most OASIS users are anonymous and it's one of the major perks of the service. This book came out in 2011, when it was still okay for liberals to support online anonymity. -Wade reflects on his future: "I wasn’t looking forward to leaving school. I didn’t have the money to attend college, not even one in the OASIS, and my grades weren’t good enough for a scholarship. My only plan after graduation was to become a full-time gunter. I didn’t have much choice. Winning the contest was my one chance of escaping the stacks. Unless I wanted to sign a five-year indenturement contract with some corporation, and that was about as appealing to me as rolling around in broken glass in my birthday suit." -Wade has a run-in with bullies, but he pwns them with his incisive wit: "'Hey, hey! If it isn’t Wade Three!' I heard a voice shout. I turned and saw Todd13, an obnoxious avatar I recognized from my Algebra II class. He was standing with several of his friends. “Great outfit, slick,” he said. “Where did you snag the sweet threads?” My avatar was wearing a black T-shirt and blue jeans, one of the free default skins you could select when you created your account. Like his Cro-Magnon friends, Todd13 wore an expensive designer skin, probably purchased in some offworld mall. 'Your mom bought them for me,' I retorted without breaking my stride. 'Tell her I said thanks, the next time you stop at home to breast-feed and pick up your allowance.' ... At this school, the only real weapons were words, so I’d become skilled at wielding them." -How does it make sense to even HAVE bullies at virtual school, anyway? He explicitly says there is no PVP, so physical bullying/griefing is out, and you ALSO have the ability to mute anybody you're talking to. Any annoying bully could just be muted right away. How the Hell does Wade have bullies to deal with? -Wade talks about how OASIS school is way better than real school: "I’d attended school in the real world up until the sixth grade. It hadn’t been a very pleasant experience. I was a painfully shy, awkward kid, with low self-esteem and almost no social skills—a side effect of spending most of my childhood inside the OASIS. Online, I didn’t have a problem talking to people or making friends. But in the real world, interacting with other people—especially kids my own age—made me a nervous wreck. I never knew how to act or what to say, and when I did work up the courage to speak, I always seemed to say the wrong thing." A few things. First, if the OASIS closely mirrors IRL interactions by being in VR, wouldn't it be less divorced from IRL interactions today? It's not like he's just typing in a chatroom. Second, if the OASIS is as popular as he says, wouldn't a ton of kids be in the exact same boat? How could he be that much of a misfit? Wade continues: "My appearance was part of the problem. I was overweight, and had been for as long as I could remember. My bankrupt diet of government-subsidized sugar-and-starch-laden food was a contributing factor, but I was also an OASIS addict, so the only exercise I usually got back then was running away from bullies before and after school. To make matters worse, my limited wardrobe consisted entirely of ill-fitting clothes from thrift stores and donation bins—the social equivalent of having a bull’s-eye painted on my forehead." Once again, this seems to clash with Cline's own worldbuilding. The entire world is falling apart and tons of people are poor. Wade, by his own admission, is LUCKY to have so much to eat that he's a fatass. Would he really "have a bull's-eye" on his forehead for dressing in shitty clothes and using the OASIS? Wouldn't MOST of the kids be OASIS addicts with crummy clothes? FFS, it's a public school; presumably the handful of wealthy people have retreated entirely to private schooling. But nope, apparently post-apocalyptic high school is EXACTLY like being a bullied dork in attending public school in the 80s. -"Even so, I tried my best to fit in. Year after year, my eyes would scan the lunchroom like a T-1000, searching for a clique that might accept me. But even the other outcasts wanted nothing to do with me. I was too weird, even for the weirdos. And girls? Talking to girls was out of the question. To me, they were like some exotic alien species, both beautiful and terrifying. Whenever I got near one of them, I invariably broke out in a cold sweat and lost the ability to speak in complete sentences." More weirdness. Wade switched out of public school after fifth grade. Had he even hit puberty at that point? Is he seriously a bubbling retard around "beautiful" girls in elementary school? -Anyway, Wade eventually quits public school to attend a virtual public school on the OASIS, which the government actively encourages to relieve its overcrowded, underfunded real schools. The schools are all on the same OASIS planet, Ludus, with identical floor plans. Wade mentions the schools have "zero-g gymnasiums." -OASIS school is heaven because it frees Wade from ever having to actually interact with real people: "On my first day at OPS #1873, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. Now, instead of running a gauntlet of bullies and drug addicts on my walk to school each morning, I went straight to my hideout and stayed there all day. Best of all, in the OASIS, no one could tell that I was fat, that I had acne, or that I wore the same shabby clothes every week. Bullies couldn’t pelt me with spitballs, give me atomic wedgies, or pummel me by the bike rack after school [Post-apocalyptic school really is an 80s sitcom]. No one could even touch me. In here, I was safe." -As he waits for a history class to start, Wade logs in to a gunter message board. The board is deliberately archaic, as well as "mired in bravado, bullshit, and pointless infighting." Just like XO! -Wade's favorite gunter threads are those bashing the "Sixers," the main villains in this book. Sixers are employees of Innovative Online Industries, the world's largest ISP. IOI's goal is to take over OASIS by deploying its employees to win the Easter Egg hunt. If they win, their plan is to charge a monthly fee for OASIS access, eliminate user anonymity and privacy, and flood the platform with ads. That...sounds pretty plausible, though "evil megacorporation" is a little jarring in a world otherwise defined by starvation and nuclear war. It's interesting that bog-standard global capitalism has survived all this tumult without a revolution. -Why the name Sixers? Wade explains: "IOI required its egg hunters, which it referred to as “oologists,” to use their employee numbers as their OASIS avatar names. These numbers were all six digits in length, and they also began with the numeral “6,” so everyone began calling them the Sixers. These days, most gunters referred to them as “the Sux0rz.” (Because they sucked.) [LMAO at both the slang and the explanation.]" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147728) Date: April 26th, 2019 5:25 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter "my eyes would scan the lunchroom like a T-1000" Now this, folks, is writing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147931) Date: April 26th, 2019 8:37 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148661) Date: April 26th, 2019 7:46 PM Author: ungodly gay new version mental disorder This is fucking awful (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148493) Date: April 26th, 2019 7:55 PM Author: honey-headed metal rigor menage a lot to unpack here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148522) Date: April 26th, 2019 8:28 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker This is amazing, I can’t wait for more How many chapters of this preposterous bullshit can I look forward to? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148619) Date: April 26th, 2019 8:32 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Not sure but i know chapter 32 is a exegesis on how the syndicated TV series Small Wonder was an allegory for Global Warming. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148640) Date: April 26th, 2019 8:39 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker Flame? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148669) Date: April 26th, 2019 11:44 PM Author: slimy library halford something tells me ur not flaming (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149451) Date: April 26th, 2019 8:42 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook 39 chapters. We're about 10% through. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148685) Date: April 26th, 2019 7:44 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: CHAPTER 2 Part 2 -Joining the Sixers is like joining the military, Wade explains. In return for signing an ironclad to hand over the OASIS to your employer, Sixers get a paycheck, food, housing, health care, and a retirement plan. You also get a ton of sick gear in-game. IOI doesn't sound that bad, really. -Sixers are humorous in their commitment to being corporate drones. Their avatars all have identical body types, hairstyles, and uniforms. They are hated by all other gunters, and their avatars are always attacked if they venture into PVP zones (there are also "Eighty-Six the Sux0rz" contests where gunter clans compete to raise their body count). -After a few minutes on the forums, Wade visits his favorite blog, Arty's Missives, written by a user named Art3mis (which he helpfully notes is "pronounced 'Artemis'"): "I’d discovered it about three years ago and had been a loyal reader ever since. She posted these great rambling essays about her search for Halliday’s egg, which she called a 'maddening MacGuffin hunt.' [The egg actually isn't a MacGuffin. MacGuffins are irrelevant objects that simply justify a plot, like 'secret intelligence' in a spy movie or the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. But the Egg and its nature actually are central to the entire quest.] She wrote with an endearing, intelligent voice, and her entries were filled with self-deprecating humor and witty, sardonic asides [Cline gives no examples of this intelligent voice or witty self-deprecating humor]. In addition to posting her (often hysterical) interpretations of passages in the Almanac, she also linked to the books, movies, TV shows, and music she was currently studying as part of her Halliday research. I assumed that all of these posts were filled with misdirection and misinformation, but they were still highly entertaining [show, don't tell!]. It probably goes without saying that I had a massive cyber-crush on Art3mis." -Wade un-subtly states that he downloads Art3mis's pics to jerk off to them: "She occasionally posted screenshots of her raven-haired avatar, and I sometimes (always) saved them to a folder on my hard drive." -Interestingly, Wade finds her super-hot even though her avatar doesn't sound conventionally attractive. Actually, if you try to imagine her based on the description, she sounds fat and weird-looking: "In the OASIS, you got used to seeing freakishly beautiful faces on everyone. But Art3mis’s features didn’t look as though they’d been selected from a beauty drop-down menu on some avatar creation template. Her face had the distinctive look of a real person’s, as if her true features had been scanned in and mapped onto her avatar. Big hazel eyes, rounded cheekbones, a pointy chin, and a perpetual smirk [what, does she have Dreamworks face?]. I found her unbearably attractive. "Art3mis’s body was also somewhat unusual. In the OASIS, you usually saw one of two body shapes on female avatars: the absurdly thin yet wildly popular supermodel frame, or the top-heavy, wasp-waisted porn starlet physique (which looked even less natural in the OASIS than it did in the real world). But Art3mis’s frame was short and Rubenesque. All curves." Two thoughts: Wade basically sounds like a "nice guy" on the Internet explaining how HE isn't shallow and can appreciate MORE than just the UNREALISTICALLY hot avatars. Also, I decided to look up Cline's wife, and you can probably guess her appearance: https://editorial01.shutterstock.com/wm-preview-1500/9478673cf/9ab833a4/warner-bros-pictures-world-premiere-of-ready-player-one-at-the-dolby-theatre-los-angeles-ca-usa-shutterstock-editorial-9478673cf.jpg -"A lot of gunters even questioned whether she was really female, but I wasn’t one of them. Probably because I couldn’t bear the idea that the girl with whom I was virtually smitten might actually be some middle-aged dude named Chuck, with back hair and male-pattern baldness." FMA -Somehow, Art3mis's personal blog is one of the most popular blogs on the planet, getting millions of hits every single day. Wade still doesn't supply any evidence of her humor, intelligence, or basic writing ability. He does hint at what the content is: Lists of things that she likes. "Art3mis was now something of a celebrity, at least in gunter circles. But fame hadn’t gone to her head. Her writing was still as funny and self-deprecating as ever. Her newest blog post was titled 'The John Hughes Blues,' and it was an in-depth treatise on her six favorite John Hughes teen movies, which she divided into two separate trilogies: The 'Dorky Girl Fantasies' trilogy (Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, and Some Kind of Wonderful) and the 'Dorky Boy Fantasies' trilogy (The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)." -Just as Wade finishes this thrilling article about John Hughes movies (he doesn't share any of the text), his friend "Aech" summons him to a chat room and the chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148477) Date: April 26th, 2019 8:11 PM Author: honey-headed metal rigor menage lol @ that photo. grotesque human beings. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148570) Date: April 26th, 2019 8:53 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler Savage takedown of bald Chucks, but holy shit @ that dude's white whale wife (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148714) Date: April 26th, 2019 9:31 PM Author: Snowy Giraffe So your review is ad hominems against chubby balding nerds? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148875) Date: April 26th, 2019 11:42 PM Author: claret aromatic weed whacker parlour (Cline) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149437) Date: April 29th, 2019 9:42 AM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit she is reubensandwichesque (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38159025) Date: April 26th, 2019 8:40 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: CHAPTER 3 Part 1 Chapter 3 -Wade enters a chat room, which in OASIS is literally a room, a standalone simulated environment distinct from the larger OASIS world (and thus free to enter without teleporting there). This room is called the Basement, and is hosted by Wade's best online friend, Aech (pronounce 'H'). The Basement, like everything else in this book, is straight from the 80s: "He’d programmed it to look like a large suburban rec room, circa the late 1980s. Old movie and comic book posters covered the wood-paneled walls. A vintage RCA television stood in the center of the room, hooked up to a Betamax VCR, a LaserDisc player, and several vintage videogame consoles. Bookshelves lined the far wall, filled with role-playing game supplements and back issues of Dragon magazine ... I saw a few dozen other gunters milling around, with avatars that varied wildly in appearance. There were humans, cyborgs, demons, dark elves, Vulcans, and vampires. Most of them were gathered around the row of old arcade games against the wall. A few others stood by the ancient stereo (currently blasting “The Wild Boys” by Duran Duran), browsing through Aech’s giant rack of vintage cassette tapes." -Hosting a huge chat room isn't free, but Aech can afford it since he's made a ton of money fighting in online PvP leagues. He is even more famous than Art3mis (who, recall, gets millions of hits PER DAY to her blog), and his chat room is an ELITE chat room open only to the best gunters. -By his own admission, Wade has no money, a piss-weak avatar with no gear, and he doesn't even post much on the gunter forums. But somehow, Wade has access to Aech's elite chat room, and in fact is Aech's best friend: "I’d known Aech for a little over three years. He was also a student on Ludus, a senior at OPS #1172, which was on the opposite side of the planet from my school. We’d met one weekend in a public gunter chat room and hit it off immediately, because we shared all of the same interests. Which is to say one interest: a total, all-consuming obsession with Halliday and his Easter egg. A few minutes into our first conversation, I knew Aech was the real deal, an elite gunter with some serious mental kung fu. He had his '80s trivia down cold, and not just the canon stuff, either. He was a true Halliday scholar. And he’d apparently seen the same qualities in me, because he’d given me his contact card and invited me to hang out in the Basement whenever I liked. He’d been my closest friend ever since." This story would be kinda plausible in real life, but it's stranger in this book's universe. The egg hunt is a big deal. Literally MILLIONS of people are trying to find the egg and obsessively consume 80s culture as part of the hunt. Being really into the 80s isn't some exceptional shared interest to have. This feels like a random NFL fan being friends with Tom Brady because they both like football. -Aech and Wade compete the same way real-life dorks do: By having lame conversations where they try to one-up each other on obscure trivia. They also conduct "research" together, which of course is actually just playing video games against each other, watching tons of old movies, and memorizing trivia, not organized "research" in any coherent sense. Aech is, according to Wade, the best all-around video gamer he's ever seen. -Aech is far richer than Wade (at least in-OASIS), but doesn't loan him money or lord it over him: "It was an unspoken rule among gunters: If you were a solo, you didn’t want or need help, from anyone. Gunters who wanted help joined a clan, and Aech and I both agreed that clans were for suck-asses and poseurs." -Aech and Wade have an excruciating nerdfight that really needs to be posted in its entirety: "Starlog, eh?" I said, nodding my approval. "Yep. Downloaded every single issue from the Hatchery’s archive. Still working my way through ’em. I was just reading this great piece on Ewoks: The Battle for Endor." "Made for TV. Released in 1985," I recited. Star Wars trivia was one of my specialties [Oh, what a specialty!]. "Total garbage. A real low point in the history of the Wars." "Says you, assface. It has some great moments." “No,” I said, shaking my head. “It doesn’t. It’s even worse than that first Ewok flick, Caravan of Courage. They shoulda called it Caravan of Suck. [Ohhhhhhhh!]" Aech rolled his eyes and went back to reading. He wasn’t going to take the bait. I eyed the magazine’s cover. “Hey, can I have a look at that when you’re done?” He grinned. “Why? So you can read the article on Ladyhawke?” “Maybe.” “Man, you just love that crapburger, don’t you?” “Blow me, Aech.” “How many times have you seen that sapfest? I know you’ve made me sit through it at least twice.” He was baiting me now. He knew Ladyhawke was one of my guilty pleasures, and that I’d seen it over two dozen times [That's more than 48 hours spent JUST watching Ladyhawke]. “I was doing you a favor by making you watch it, noob,” I said [Why does an 80s-obsessed era use 2004 slang?]. I shoved a new cartridge into the Intellivision console and started up a single-player game of Astrosmash. “You’ll thank me one day. Wait and see. Ladyhawke is canon.” “Canon” was the term we used to classify any movie, book, game, song, or TV show of which Halliday was known to have been a fan. “Surely, you must be joking,” Aech said. “No, I am not joking. And don’t call me Shirley." [OMG totally AMAZEBALLS reference!] He lowered the magazine and leaned forward. “There is no way Halliday was a fan of Ladyhawke. I guarantee it.” “Where’s your proof, dipshit?” I asked. “The man had taste. That’s all the proof I need.” “Then please explain to me why he owned Ladyhawke on both VHS and LaserDisc?” A list of all the films in Halliday’s collection at the time of his death was included in the appendices of Anorak’s Almanac. We both had the list memorized [Why not just create a searchable index? FFS you're in a computer]. “The guy was a billionaire! He owned millions of movies, most of which he probably never even watched! He had DVDs of Howard the Duck and Krull, too. That doesn’t mean he liked them, asshat. And it sure as hell doesn’t make them canon.” “It’s not really up for debate, Homer,” I said. “Ladyhawke is an eighties classic.” “It’s fucking lame, is what it is! The swords look like they were made out of tinfoil. And that soundtrack is epically lame. Full of synthesizers and shit. By the motherfucking Alan Parsons Project! Lame-o-rama! Beyond lame. Highlander II lame.” “Hey!” I feigned hurling my Intellivision controller at him. “Now you’re just being insulting! Ladyhawke’s cast alone makes the film canon! Roy Batty! Ferris Bueller! And the dude who played Professor Falken in WarGames!” I searched my memory for the actor’s name. “John Wood! Reunited with Matthew Broderick!” “A real low point in both of their careers,” he said, laughing. He loved arguing about old movies, even more than I did. The other gunters in the chat room were now starting to form a small crowd around us to listen in. Our arguments were often high in entertainment value. [Yeah, people love to watch other people have retarded nerdfights] “You must be stoned!” I shouted. “Ladyhawke was directed by Richard fucking Donner! The Goonies? Superman: The Movie? You’re saying that guy sucks?” “I don’t care if Spielberg directed it. It’s a chick flick disguised as a sword-and-sorcery picture. The only genre film with less balls is probably … freakin’ Legend. Anyone who actually enjoys Ladyhawke is a bona fide USDA-choice pussy!” [Ohhhhhhhh!] Laughter from the peanut gallery. I was actually getting a little pissed off now. I was a big fan of Legend too, and Aech knew it. “Oh, so I’m a pussy? You’re the one with the Ewok fetish!” I snatched the Starlog out of his hands and threw it against a Revenge of the Jedi poster on the wall. “I suppose you think your extensive knowledge of Ewok culture is gonna help you find the egg?” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148680) Date: April 26th, 2019 10:47 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler That nerdfight gave me an aneurysm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149198) Date: April 26th, 2019 11:34 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker Holy shit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149409) Date: April 26th, 2019 11:35 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker [double poast] (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149416) Date: April 27th, 2019 12:34 AM Author: Angry razzle-dazzle indian lodge [Yeah, people love to watch other people have retarded nerdfights] 10+ year xoer here, can confirm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149567) Date: April 27th, 2019 2:24 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151200) Date: April 29th, 2019 4:32 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158309) Date: April 29th, 2019 9:55 AM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38159079) Date: May 22nd, 2019 11:07 PM Author: Bearded laughsome useless brakes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38275097) Date: April 27th, 2019 12:19 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha literally could not finish reading this poast. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38150720) Date: April 30th, 2019 11:57 PM Author: useless exhilarant quadroon bawdyhouse At what point in the future are people going to start calling each other "asshats" again? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168266) Date: April 26th, 2019 10:52 PM Author: flushed chest-beating principal's office Didn't Mike Nelson from MST3K do a whole podcast about this (i.e., reading the book and making fun of it)? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149211) Date: April 26th, 2019 11:42 PM Author: Pearl home That’s probs how he’s developing his material (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149435) Date: April 27th, 2019 2:43 PM Author: Snowy Giraffe Very sad to see Charles devolve like this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151293) Date: April 27th, 2019 3:05 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker kys tyia (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151408) Date: April 27th, 2019 3:49 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook No idea. I don’t listen to many podcasts and I don’t watch MST3K. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151588) Date: April 27th, 2019 4:25 PM Author: Effete location headpube For some reason I liked this book but I wonder if it’s cuz I listened to it on audiobook. Seeing you type all this out makes me ashamed (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151737) Date: April 27th, 2019 4:41 PM Author: insane painfully honest locale indirect expression great thread chaz not flame, actual 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151795) Date: April 27th, 2019 4:56 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151877) Date: April 28th, 2019 12:36 PM Author: claret aromatic weed whacker parlour Moar pls (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38155008) Date: April 28th, 2019 3:50 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker *bangs dog food bowl on table* MOAR MOAR MOAR (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38155695) Date: April 28th, 2019 5:48 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38156181) Date: April 28th, 2019 3:52 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Been volunteering this whole weekend. I can get back at it tomorrow. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38155698) Date: April 28th, 2019 3:57 PM Author: know-it-all address national security agency Unfuck your priorities (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38155707) Date: April 28th, 2019 5:19 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38156084) Date: April 29th, 2019 1:06 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 3 Part 2 -Wade and Aech's theatrical nerdfight is finally interrupted by an even more pathetic dork. He's pathetic, you see, because unlike REAL nerds, he can't rattle off tons of trivia on demand: "Just then, a new arrival materialized on the staircase. A total lamer by the name of I-r0k. I let out a groan. I-r0k and Aech attended the same school and had a few classes together, but I still couldn’t figure out why Aech had granted him access to the Basement. I-r0k fancied himself an elite gunter, but he was nothing but an obnoxious poseur [yes that's the word he uses]. Sure, he did a lot of teleporting around the OASIS, completing quests and leveling up his avatar, but he didn’t actually know anything. And he was always brandishing an oversize plasma rifle the size of a snowmobile. Even in chat rooms, where it was totally pointless. The guy had no sense of decorum." -I-r0k mocks Wade by calling him "Penisville" over and over, apparently as a riff on his avatar name of Parzival. He also mocks him as "Captain No-Credits" because Wade has to panhandle for change just to travel off-planet and perform a few basic quests. Wade hits back by calling I-r0k an "ignorant know-nothing twink." Sick burn! There's only one way to resolve the fight, by having an EVEN DUMBER nerdfight than the last one: I-r0k glared at us a moment. “OK. Let’s see who the real poseur is,” he said. “Check this out, girls.” Grinning, he produced an item from his inventory and held it up. It was an old Atari 2600 game, still in the box. He purposefully covered the game’s title with his hand, but I recognized the cover artwork anyway. It was a painting of a young man and woman in ancient Greek attire, both brandishing swords. Lurking behind them were a minotaur and a bearded guy with an eye patch. “Know what this is, hotshot?” I-r0k said, challenging me. “I’ll even give you a clue.… It’s an Atari game, released as part of a contest. It contained several puzzles, and if you solved them, you could win a prize. Sound familiar?” I-r0k was always trying to impress us with some clue or piece of Halliday lore he foolishly believed he’d been the first to uncover. Gunters loved to play the game of one-upmanship and were constantly trying to prove they had acquired more obscure knowledge than everyone else. But I-r0k totally sucked at it. “You’re joking, right?” I said. “You just now discovered the Swordquest series?” I-r0k deflated. “You’re holding Swordquest: Earthworld,” I continued. “The first game in the Swordquest series. Released in 1982.” I smiled wide. “Can you name the next three games in the series?” His eyes narrowed. He was, of course, stumped. Like I said, he was a total poseur [Cline is using this word a painfully high number of times]. “Anyone else?” I said, opening the question up to the floor. The gunters in the crowd eyed each other, but no one spoke up. “Fireworld, Waterworld, and Airworld,” Aech answered. “Bingo!” I said, and we bumped fists again. “Although Airworld was never actually finished, because Atari fell on hard times and canceled the contest before it was completed.” I-r0k quietly put the game box back in his inventory. “You should join up with the Sux0rz, I-r0k,” Aech said, laughing. “They could really use someone with your vast stores of knowledge.” I-r0k flipped him the bird. “If you two fags already knew about the Swordquest contest, how come I’ve never once heard you mention it?” “Come on, I-r0k,” Aech said, shaking his head. “Swordquest: Earthworld was Atari’s unofficial sequel to Adventure. Every gunter worth their salt knows about that contest. How much more obvious can you get?” I-r0k tried to save some face. “OK, if you’re both such experts, who programmed all of the Swordquest games?” “Dan Hitchens and Tod Frye,” I recited. “Try asking me something difficult.” “I got one for you,” Aech interjected. “What were the prizes Atari gave out to the winner of each contest?” “Ah,” I said. “Good one. Let’s see.… The prize for the Earthworld contest was the Talisman of Penultimate Truth. It was solid gold and encrusted with diamonds. The kid who won it melted it down to pay for college, as I recall.” “Yeah, yeah,” Aech prodded. “Quit stalling. What about the other two?” “I’m not stalling. The Fireworld prize was the Chalice of Light, and the Waterworld prize was supposed to be the Crown of Life, but it was never awarded, due to the cancellation of the contest. Same goes for the Airworld prize, which was supposed to be a Philosopher’s Stone.” Aech grinned and gave me a double high five, then added, “And if the contest hadn’t been canceled, the winners of the first four rounds would have competed for the grand prize, the Sword of Ultimate Sorcery.” I nodded. “The prizes were all mentioned in the Swordquest comic books that came with the games. Comic books which happen to be visible in the treasure room in the final scene of Anorak’s Invitation, by the way.” The crowd burst into applause. I-r0k lowered his head in shame." [And that gunter's name was Albert Einstein] (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158035) Date: April 29th, 2019 1:17 AM Author: slimy library halford (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158068) Date: April 29th, 2019 1:40 AM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut LMAO this book sounds horrible (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158110) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:53 PM Author: Khaki fat ankles (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216613) Date: April 29th, 2019 2:10 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler Started legit lol'ing at 'The crowd burst into applause' these 'writers' need to be culled (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158171) Date: November 10th, 2019 12:48 PM Author: ungodly gay new version mental disorder (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#39097182) Date: April 29th, 2019 4:31 AM Author: insane painfully honest locale indirect expression good god (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158307) Date: April 29th, 2019 8:28 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker lol hooly shit this is bad (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158672) Date: April 29th, 2019 8:34 AM Author: coral boyish sound barrier This is worse than I remembered (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158696) Date: April 29th, 2019 8:48 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Again literally could not get through the nerdfight. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158774) Date: April 29th, 2019 10:01 AM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit this guy is a monster (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38159113) Date: April 29th, 2019 10:23 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter lmao he sure pwned that poseur (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38159197) Date: April 29th, 2019 2:38 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma it sounds like in this book, you become a hero by reading "list of atari 2600" games on wikipedia until all the links are purple. also, it was positively reviewed by NPR. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38160503) Date: April 29th, 2019 2:54 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 4 Chapter 4 -Actually, we still have a tiny sliver of Chapter 3 left. After getting humiliated for not knowing enough about Atari games, I-r0k walks off in a huff after boasting that unlike Wade and Aech, he spends more time offline getting laid. Some things never change. -Wade asks Aech why he allows such a huge loser into his otherwise-elite gunter chat room; Aech says he figures I-r0k is typical for gunters, and knowing the typical gunter is so pathetic allows him to sustain the dream that solos like him and Wade can someday win the contest. Oh, and also "because he’s fun to beat at videogames. -Chapter 4 now begins for real, with Wade heading back to his virtual school for World History class. Wade's teacher has a classic professor look, being a portly bearded man in a tweed jacket, but Wade doesn't know if that's his real look or simply the one he uses to make the kids pay attention: "For all we knew, he could have been a small Inuit woman living in Anchorage, Alaska." -Wade mentions that OASIS teachers seem to enjoy teaching far more than IRL teachers, since they don't have to spend half their time as "babysitters and disciplinarians." This seems fair, though he doesn't engage with the STRUCTURAL RACISM that causes students to act out in real life. Shameful! -Wade describes how OASIS school is also better because lessons can be more exciting. The world history class, for instance, can show a detailed simulation of Ancient Egypt. Biology includes a trip through the human heart, "just like in that old movie Fantastic Voyage" (HEY GUYS, REMEMBER THAT MOVIE?). Astronomy visits Jupiter's moons. Art class features a virtual tour of the Louvre "while all of our avatars wore silly berets." -Having describe virtual school, Wade spends the rest of the chapter info-dumping about OASIS itself. First, he describes travel: The main way OASIS makes money is by charging you for travel. You can teleport for a fee, or else you can get your own vehicle (which in turn will require fuel). In permanent 80s goonworld, many students have vehicles and of course they are all references to movies and shows that Cline likes: "A lot of kids owned their own interplanetary vehicles. School parking lots all over Ludus were filled with UFOs, TIE fighters, old NASA space shuttles, Vipers from Battlestar Galactica, and other spacecraft designs lifted from every sci-fi movie and TV show you can think of. Every afternoon I would stand on the school’s front lawn and watch with envy as these ships filled the sky, zooming off to explore the simulation’s endless possibilities. The kids who didn’t own ships would either hitch a ride with a friend or stampede to the nearest transport terminal, headed for some offworld dance club, gaming arena, or rock concert. But not me. I wasn’t going anywhere. I was stranded on Ludus, the most boring planet in the entire OASIS." Once again, this seems to clash with the worldbuilding. In the real world, Wade's lot in life is terrible but also typical. He has enough food to get fat, which apparently makes him rather fortunate, and North America is still better off than shitholes in Asia or Africa. But then, in school, he's still the poorest loser of them all, enviously watching while cool jocks fly around in TIE Fighters. How does this make sense? Shouldn't loads of students be similarly poor? -After describing transportation, Wade describes the scale of OASIS. When it launched, it contained several hundred planets, all made by GSS designers but since then it has grown to many thousands. Some planets are D&D fantasy realms, some are sci-fi, some are postapocalyptic. Some worlds are PvP, and some are pacifist with no combat allowed. Some worlds allow magic, others allow super-advanced technology, some allow both, and some neither. Most worlds contain hundreds or thousands of NPCs, from humans to monsters to wild animals. And of course, there are a gazillions licensed locations, a good opportunity for Cline to rattle off another list of things that he likes: "GSS had also licensed preexisting virtual worlds from their competitors, so content that had already been created for games like Everquest and World of Warcraft was ported over to the OASIS, and copies of Norrath and Azeroth were added to the growing catalog of OASIS planets. Other virtual worlds soon followed suit, from the Metaverse to the Matrix. The Firefly universe was anchored in a sector adjacent to the Star Wars galaxy, with a detailed re-creation of the Star Trek universe in the sector adjacent to that. Users could now teleport back and forth between their favorite fictional worlds. Middle Earth. Vulcan. Pern. Arrakis. Magrathea. Discworld, Mid-World, Riverworld, Ringworld. Worlds upon worlds." -Overall, there are 27 "sectors" of worlds, each holding hundreds of planets: "The three-dimensional map of all twenty-seven sectors distinctly resembled an '80s puzzle toy called a Rubik’s Cube. Like most gunters, I knew this was no coincidence." -All of this worldbuilding is just for our edification, though. Wade, despite his great access to food, is the poorest user in OASIS, stuck on Ludus and unable to leave. Ludus, as a place of learning, has no quest portals, no NPCs, and no enemies to level up against. You can't even kill animals for experience. In five years, Wade has only managed to get his avatar to level 3, by occasionally bumming a ride to a low-level planet where he can kill super-easy enemies for experience. -We get even more worldbuilding that simultaneously muddles the worldbuilding between OASIS and reality: "Having a third-level avatar was a colossal embarrassment. None of the other gunters took you seriously unless you were at least tenth level. Even though I’d been a gunter since day one, everyone still considered me a noob [more unironic leet-speak!]. It was beyond frustrating. "In desperation, I’d tried to find a part-time after-school job, just to earn some walking-around money. I applied for dozens of tech support and programming jobs (mostly grunt construction work, coding parts of OASIS malls and office buildings [is this literally like doing construction work inside a game? It definitely sounds like it]), but it was completely hopeless. Millions of college-educated adults couldn’t get one of those jobs. The Great Recession was now entering its third decade, and unemployment was still at a record high. Even the fast-food joints in my neighborhood had a two-year waiting list for job applicants." Once again, this raises more questions than it answers. How is Wade so exceptionally poor inside the OASIS, if in the real world everybody is struggling and it's incredibly difficult even for college graduates to get jobs? How would a fast-food restaurant have a "waiting list" for job applicants? Wouldn't they just hire the best candidate no matter what? How often do those fast-food joints have vacancies anyway; if jobs are as precious as Wade describes, wouldn't turnover be extremely low everywhere? And in a world with chronic food shortages and literal ration vouchers, would there really be "fast-food joints" at all, let alone in the high-crime shithole Wade lives in? Also, assuming that in RPO's world the 2008 recession became a permanent one, it would now be in its FOURTH decade, not its third. Wade (or Cline) is getting his math off. -However valid the explanation, Wade is stuck: "I felt like a kid standing in the world’s greatest video arcade without any quarters, unable to do anything but walk around and watch the other kids play." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38160574) Date: April 29th, 2019 5:58 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler ty for ur service I'm mostly loling here at the attempts to handwave a complex economy into existence without first studying any of the ludicrously complex mmo economies that are out there on free mmos. inexcusably lazy writing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38161526) Date: April 29th, 2019 8:09 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 5 Chapter 5 -After his lunch break (which still happens in virtual school) Wade goes to his favorite class, a senior elective named "Advanced OASIS Studies." You might think that, with the importance of OASIS to the world's economy, this would be a technical class about how the OASIS works and how to program for it. But nope, it's just a class about the history of the OASIS and its creators, like if your high school offered a class about the life of Steve Jobs. You know what that means: More info-dumping. "For the past five years, I’d devoted all of my free time to learning as much as I possibly could about James Halliday. I’d exhaustively studied his life, accomplishments, and interests. Over a dozen different Halliday biographies had been published in the years since his death, and I’d read them all. Several documentary films had also been made about him, and I’d studied those, too. I’d studied every word Halliday had ever written, and I’d played every videogame he’d ever made. I took notes, writing down every detail I thought might be related to the Hunt. I kept everything in a notebook (which I’d started to call my “grail diary” after watching the third Indiana Jones film) [Oh boy another reference!]. "The more I’d learned about Halliday’s life, the more I’d grown to idolize him [keep in mind, he's saying this about an autistic recluse with no friends]. He was a god among geeks, a nerd über-deity on the level of Gygax, Garriott, and Gates. He’d left home after high school with nothing but his wits and his imagination, and he’d used them to attain worldwide fame and amass a vast fortune. He’d created an entirely new reality that now provided an escape for most of humanity. And to top it all off, he’d turned his last will and testament into the greatest videogame contest of all time." -Wade reveals that he's just as obnoxious in class as he is in chat rooms: "I spent most of my time in Advanced OASIS Studies class annoying our teacher, Mr. Ciders, by pointing out errors in our textbook and raising my hand to interject some relevant bit of Halliday trivia that I (and I alone) thought was interesting. After the first few weeks of class, Mr. Ciders had stopped calling on me unless no one else knew the answer to his question. "Today, he was reading excerpts from The Egg Man, a bestselling Halliday biography that I’d already read four times. During his lecture, I kept having to resist the urge to interrupt him and point out all of the really important details the book left out. Instead, I just made a mental note of each omission." -The rest of the chapter is simply the history of Halliday and the OASIS. Basically, Halliday was your standard aspie dork, who had no friends and did badly in school because he was exclusively obsessed with video games, comics, sci-fi novels, D&D, etc. He finally made his first friends in middle school when he joined a D&D group that included his future business partner, Ogden Marrow. By high school, Halliday was a talented game designer. In the 90s, Halliday and Marrow open a successful game design company. Once again, there's a lot of telling rather than showing: "Gregarious Games set a new standard for immersive gaming, and every time they released a new title, it pushed the envelope of what seemed possible on the computer hardware available at the time." -What was Halliday's secret? Apparently, it was that he was a poster: "People employed by Gregarious Games during this period say that Halliday frequently locked himself in his office, where he programmed incessantly, often going without food, sleep, or human contact for days or even weeks. "On the few occasions that Halliday agreed to do interviews, his behavior came off as bizarre, even by game-designer standards. He was hyperkinetic, aloof, and so socially inept that the interviewers often came away with the impression he was mentally ill. Halliday tended to speak so rapidly that his words were often unintelligible, and he had a disturbing high-pitched laugh, made even more so because he was usually the only one who knew what he was laughing about. When Halliday got bored during an interview (or conversation), he would usually get up and walk out without saying a word." -Wade helpfully explains that Halliday maybe, just maybe, was on the spectrum: "(Several exhaustive psychological studies were done on Halliday following his death, and his obsessive adherence to routine and preoccupation with a few obscure areas of interest led many psychologists to conclude that Halliday had suffered from Asperger’s syndrome, or from some other form of high-functioning autism.)" -Gregarious Games is a huge success. Marrow buys a Lamborghini and travels the world, but Halliday becomes a recluse, staying glued to a computer and amassing the world's largest collection of action figures, lunch boxes, comics, and so forth. -Then, in the early 2000s, the company falls dormant for years, without any news. In 2012, with almost no prior warning, the OASIS VR system is launched. Wade takes a moment to explain the OASIS's gear. It basically amounts to "really good lightweight VR goggles" plus "haptic gloves," which provide force feedback to your hands, allowing you to feel the things you touch in the OASIS. -You'd think the appeal of OASIS would be fairly obvious by now, but Wade still takes the time to explain it: " You could log in and instantly escape the drudgery of your day-to-day life. You could create an entirely new persona for yourself, with complete control over how you looked and sounded to others. In the OASIS, the fat could become thin, the ugly could become beautiful, and the shy, extroverted. Or vice versa. You could change your name, age, sex, race, height, weight, voice, hair color, and bone structure. Or you could cease being human altogether, and become an elf, ogre, alien, or any other creature from literature, movies, or mythology." -OASIS isn't just popular. It rapidly helps remake society: "At a time of drastic social and cultural upheaval, when most of the world’s population longed for an escape from reality, the OASIS provided it, in a form that was cheap, legal, safe, and not (medically proven to be) addictive [LOL, yeah fucking right]. The ongoing energy crisis contributed greatly to the OASIS’s runaway popularity. The skyrocketing cost of oil made airline and automobile travel too expensive for the average citizen, and the OASIS became the only getaway most people could afford. As the era of cheap, abundant energy drew to a close, poverty and unrest began to spread like a virus. Every day, more and more people had reason to seek solace inside Halliday and Morrow’s virtual utopia. "Any business that wanted to set up shop inside the OASIS had to rent or purchase virtual real estate (which Morrow dubbed “surreal estate”) from GSS. Anticipating this, the company had set aside Sector One as the simulation’s designated business zone and began to sell and rent millions of blocks of surreal estate there. City-sized shopping malls were erected in the blink of an eye, and storefronts spread across planets like time-lapse footage of mold devouring an orange. Urban development had never been so easy. "In addition to the billions of dollars that GSS raked in selling land that didn’t actually exist, they made a killing selling virtual objects and vehicles. The OASIS became such an integral part of people’s day-to-day social lives that users were more than willing to shell out real money to buy accessories for their avatars: clothing, furniture, houses, flying cars, magic swords and machine guns. These items were nothing but ones and zeros stored on the OASIS servers, but they were also status symbols. Most items only cost a few credits, but since they cost nothing for GSS to manufacture, it was all profit. Even in the throes of an ongoing economic recession, the OASIS allowed Americans to continue engaging in their favorite pastime: shopping. "The OASIS quickly became the single most popular use for the Internet, so much so that the terms “OASIS” and “Internet” gradually became synonymous. And the incredibly easy-to-use three-dimensional OASIS OS, which GSS gave away for free, became the single most popular computer operating system in the world. "Before long, billions of people around the world were working and playing in the OASIS every day. Some of them met, fell in love, and got married without ever setting foot on the same continent. The lines of distinction between a person’s real identity and that of their avatar began to blur. "It was the dawn of new era, one where most of the human race now spent all of their free time inside a videogame." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162015) Date: April 29th, 2019 8:18 PM Author: histrionic whorehouse depressive Does he mention if they can fuck each other in the oasis or how that works? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162069) Date: April 29th, 2019 9:32 PM Author: titillating mediation I've read this trash, and can tell you that this does come up. There's definitely a bit later on where he essentially fucks blow up dolls, but I don't think he gets laid online. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162507) Date: April 29th, 2019 9:47 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook With the standard equipment it seems like at best you’d get really immersive porn mixed with phone sex. Perhaps the wealthy can buy full-body haptic equipment to make the experience more realistic though. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162557) Date: April 29th, 2019 8:20 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha "Halliday becomes a recluse, staying glued to a computer and amassing the world's largest collection of action figures, lunch boxes, comics, and so forth." The thing is, actual technical people who are into programming and creating things don't go for this prole collecting shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162081) Date: April 29th, 2019 8:48 PM Author: free-loading zombie-like toaster There’s a Hillbilly Elegy angle - JD Halliday is from Middletown... “James Donovan Halliday was born on June 12, 1972, in Middletown, Ohio.” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162266) Date: April 29th, 2019 9:43 PM Author: slimy library halford https://coinmarketcap.com/currencies/decentraland/ "Any business that wanted to set up shop inside the OASIS had to rent or purchase virtual real estate (which Morrow dubbed “surreal estate”) from GSS. Anticipating this, the company had set aside Sector One as the simulation’s designated business zone and began to sell and rent millions of blocks of surreal estate there. City-sized shopping malls were erected in the blink of an eye, and storefronts spread across planets like time-lapse footage of mold devouring an orange. Urban development had never been so easy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162542) Date: April 29th, 2019 8:30 PM Author: Fragrant Onyx Immigrant 2397846298374, i demand charles forego dating until we have eviscerated this awful dreck together (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162142) Date: April 30th, 2019 8:28 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38164154) Date: April 30th, 2019 9:30 AM Author: claret aromatic weed whacker parlour holy fuck this is amazing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38164289) Date: April 30th, 2019 8:21 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 6 Part 1 Chapter 6 -This chapter probably has the most cringeworthy page in the entire book, so keep reading. -Following his OASIS history class, Wade goes to his last class of the day, Latin. He takes that, instead of a more practical language like Spanish or Mandarin, because Halliday also took Latin and occasionally incorporated the language into his games. -Wade finds today's class boring, so he uses a bug exploit to start browsing Anorak's Almanac rather than pay attention. Unlike most gunters, Wade actually has a real-life physical copy of the Almanac, printed using an old laser printer. And then...Wade describes his commitment to learning the contents of the book. I'll post the whole thing here, and then have some commentary in the next post: "The Almanac contained thousands of references to Halliday’s favorite books, TV shows, movies, songs, graphic novels, and videogames. Most of these items were over forty years old, and so free digital copies of them could be downloaded from the OASIS. If there was something I needed that wasn’t legally available for free, I could almost always get it by using Guntorrent, a file-sharing program used by gunters around the world. [Why do gunters need their own special file-sharing program? It's just books and movies and shit] "When it came to my research, I never took any shortcuts. Over the past five years, I’d worked my way down the entire recommended gunter reading list. Douglas Adams. Kurt Vonnegut. Neal Stephenson. Richard K. Morgan. Stephen King. Orson Scott Card. Terry Pratchett. Terry Brooks. Bester, Bradbury, Haldeman, Heinlein, Tolkien, Vance, Gibson, Gaiman, Sterling, Moorcock, Scalzi, Zelazny. I read every novel by every single one of Halliday’s favorite authors. "And I didn’t stop there. "I also watched every single film he referenced in the Almanac. If it was one of Halliday’s favorites, like WarGames, Ghostbusters, Real Genius, Better Off Dead, or Revenge of the Nerds, I rewatched it until I knew every scene by heart. "I devoured each of what Halliday referred to as “The Holy Trilogies”: Star Wars (original and prequel trilogies, in that order), Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, Mad Max, Back to the Future, and Indiana Jones. (Halliday once said that he preferred to pretend the other Indiana Jones films, from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull onward, didn’t exist. I tended to agree.) I also absorbed the complete filmographies of each of his favorite directors. Cameron, Gilliam, Jackson, Fincher, Kubrick, Lucas, Spielberg, Del Toro, Tarantino. And, of course, Kevin Smith. "I spent three months studying every John Hughes teen movie and memorizing all the key lines of dialogue. "Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive. "You could say I covered all the bases. "I studied Monty Python. And not just Holy Grail, either. Every single one of their films, albums, and books, and every episode of the original BBC series. (Including those two “lost” episodes they did for German television.) "I wasn’t going to cut any corners. "I wasn’t going to miss something obvious. "Somewhere along the way, I started to go overboard. "I may, in fact, have started to go a little insane. "I watched every episode of The Greatest American Hero, Airwolf, The A-Team, Knight Rider, Misfits of Science, and The Muppet Show. "What about The Simpsons, you ask? "I knew more about Springfield than I knew about my own city. "Star Trek? Oh, I did my homework. TOS, TNG, DS9. Even Voyager and Enterprise. I watched them all in chronological order. The movies, too. Phasers locked on target. "I gave myself a crash course in ’80s Saturday-morning cartoons. "I learned the name of every last goddamn Gobot and Transformer. "Land of the Lost, Thundarr the Barbarian, He-Man, Schoolhouse Rock!, G.I. Joe—I knew them all. Because knowing is half the battle. "Who was my friend, when things got rough? H.R. Pufnstuf. "Japan? Did I cover Japan? "Yes. Yes indeed. Anime and live-action. Godzilla, Gamera, Star Blazers, The Space Giants, and G-Force. Go, Speed Racer, Go. "I wasn’t some dilettante. "I wasn’t screwing around. "I memorized every last Bill Hicks stand-up routine. "Music? Well, covering all the music wasn’t easy. "It took some time. "The ’80s was a long decade (ten whole years), and Halliday didn’t seem to have had very discerning taste. He listened to everything. So I did too. Pop, rock, new wave, punk, heavy metal. From the Police to Journey to R.E.M. to the Clash. I tackled it all. "I burned through the entire They Might Be Giants discography in under two weeks. Devo took a little longer. [Devo only had 17 total albums, studio and live. Would it take that long?] "I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls playing ’80s cover tunes on ukuleles. Technically, this wasn’t part of my research, but I had a serious cute-geeky-girls-playing-ukuleles fetish that I can neither explain nor defend [Haha so random!]. "I memorized lyrics. Silly lyrics, by bands with names like Van Halen, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, and Pink Floyd. "I kept at it. "I burned the midnight oil. "Did you know that Midnight Oil was an Australian band, with a 1987 hit titled “Beds Are Burning”? [haha I like this line because I understand the reference!] "I was obsessed. I wouldn’t quit. My grades suffered. I didn’t care. "I read every issue of every comic book title Halliday had ever collected. "I wasn’t going to have anyone questioning my commitment. "Especially when it came to the videogames. "Videogames were my area of expertise. "My double-weapon specialization. "My dream Jeopardy! category. "I downloaded every game mentioned or referenced in the Almanac, from Akalabeth to Zaxxon. I played each title until I had mastered it, then moved on to the next one. "You’d be amazed how much research you can get done when you have no life whatsoever. Twelve hours a day, seven days a week, is a lot of study time. "I worked my way through every videogame genre and platform. Classic arcade coin-ops, home computer, console, and handheld. Text-based adventures, first-person shooters, thirdperson RPGs. Ancient 8-, 16-, and 32-bit classics written in the previous century. The harder a game was to beat, the more I enjoyed it. And as I played these ancient digital relics, night after night, year after year, I discovered I had a talent for them. I could master most action titles in a few hours, and there wasn’t an adventure or role-playing game I couldn’t solve. I never needed any walkthroughs or cheat codes. Everything just clicked. And I was even better at the old arcade games. When I was in the zone on a high-speed classic like Defender, I felt like a hawk in flight, or the way I thought a shark must feel as it cruises the ocean floor. For the first time, I knew what it was to be a natural at something. To have a gift. "But it wasn’t my research into old movies, comics, or videogames that had yielded my first real clue. That had come while I was studying the history of old pen-and-paper roleplaying games." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167143) Date: April 30th, 2019 8:43 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha To repeat my previous comment: technical people who actually create things don't have the time or inclination to follow all this prole shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167237) Date: April 30th, 2019 9:07 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Okay, let's break this down. Wade, by his own admission, has no life. He's worked on Halliday's egg 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, for the past 5 years. If we take him at his word, that's 21,900 hours. I decided to tally up all the things Wade mentioned in that screed plus what I can remember him alluding to earlier in the book. -He mentions reading EVERY novel by Halliday's favorite authors. Assuming that means all the authors he named, that actually adds up to about 540(!) novels. Guys like Stephen King, Orson Scott Card, and Michael Moorcock have all written more than 50. Some of those books are extremely long, too; Neal Stephenson only has 16 novels but many of them are thousand-page monsters. Along with those 540 novels, Wade has read at least 8 Monty Python books (by my calculation) plus at least 13 Halliday biographies (one of which he's read multiple times). And, of course, he's virtually memorized the thousand-page Anorak's Almanac itself. That's 565 books! And that's assuming NOBODY outside of the listed authors. No Philip Dick, no Robert Jordan, no Glen Cook, no Isaac Asimov, no Arthur C. Clarke, etc. -He explicitly mentions watching five movies so many times that he memorized all the dialogue. I'll be generous and assume ten watches is enough for Wade to permanently memorize them all. Combined with his at least two-dozen watches for Ladyhawke, and that's 74 film watches. He also mentions memorizing all of John Hughes' teen movies. He's mentioned six of them, so if I average ten watches for each of those, that goes up to 134. Add in the complete filmographies of the listed directors, plus the trilogies, 28 Godzilla films (as-of the book's writing), 12 Gamera films, 13 Star Treks, 5 Monty Pythons, and a few other referenced films, and we're up to 345 film viewings, by my calculation. Again, this assumes ZERO interlopers outside of what's been mentioned. -For television, all the episodes of the shows listed add up to 3,724 "half hour" show segments (counting hour-long shows as 2). Let's assume, generously, that without advertisements you can watch 3 segments an hour. That comes out to 1,241 hours of television. Again, assuming he didn't watch ANY shows besides the ones named. -Wade never alludes to reading a specific comic book, but he does mention earlier that Halliday had one of the world's largest comics collections, and that he read the complete run of EVERY comic he collected. That almost certainly means he's reading thousands of issues, maybe tens of thousands. Batman alone has generated more than 2000 comic issues, for instance. -Wade doesn't really list that many bands, but he does say he listened to essentially every sort of genre. How much music does that add up to? Unclear, but Wikipedia lists 350 major albums coming out in 1980 alone. Multiply that by 10 years and it comes out to 3500 albums. Wade probably isn't listening to ALL of them, but the reference to memorizing Pink Floyd and listening to all of Devo and They Might Be Giants indicates he's probably listening to a few albums from outside the 80's too. As such, listening to 3,000 albums is probably a good ballpark number. Let's be VERY generous and say they're a half-hour each; that's 1,500 hours of listening to music, assuming he NEVER repeats anything (laughably unlikely). -And then there's video games. Wade calls this his specialty and suggests he played basically everything of note from the 20th century, from Pong to the Playstation. He's world-class at them and can apparently master them extremely quickly, but that's still hundreds of games, and even arcade classics take "a few hours" to master. RPGs, presumably, will take far longer. So, in five years, Wade read 550+ books, watched 350+ movies, watched at least a thousand hours of television, read thousands of comic books, mastered hundreds if not thousands of video games, listened to thousand of albums (and memorized many lyrics), all while attending school, doing side hustles for money and food, reading Art3mis's blog, became best friends with Aech, reading a ton of gunter forums, and leveling his Avatar up to level 3 by grinding the weakest enemies. And he did all of this while having to charge up his OASIS using car batteries powered by a stationary bike. I find this a little implausible. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167311) Date: April 30th, 2019 9:52 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha u forgot learning assembly 2 program his Atari game (rite of passage) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167545) Date: April 30th, 2019 9:53 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Fuck, you’re right. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167554) Date: April 30th, 2019 11:50 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma Just learn to write coherent functioning code in 6507 machine language to run in 4K of RAM on a system unusually beholden to strict physical specs (notably, Atari 2600, and some other contemporary systems eg Colecovision, had no timing interrupts other than the TV scan line one and thus could only run at 50 or 60 hz). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168225) Date: April 30th, 2019 11:33 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter More research was put into writing this post than into writing the first six chapters of the book, combined (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168131) Date: April 30th, 2019 11:45 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168203) Date: May 1st, 2019 12:30 AM Author: vibrant jet-lagged property keepsake machete if you give up xoxo, you'll be surprised at what you can accomplish (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168408) Date: May 1st, 2019 1:46 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Another thought: While this book is clearly supposed to be all about the 80s, it's clearly actually just things that Cline himself personally likes, and it shines through the most with that list. Lord of the Rings isn't really 80s at all, nor is Quentin Tarantino or The Matrix or quite a few other listed things. Not only that, but certain major aspects of the 80s are completely missing, presumably because Cline, erm, I mean, Halliday didn't like them. For example, this book has zero discussion of 80s horror films, even though that was a very distinctive period for the genre, with the apogee of slasher films and a lot of other hit franchises. There's also no teen sex comedies like Porky's (unless you count Revenge of the Nerds), when those were a big deal then. Now, true, not EVERYTHING from the 80s needs to be in this book, but removing things that aren't remembered quite as well would help strengthen the theme and make it feel less like simply a list of things the author likes shoved into a book. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170496) Date: May 1st, 2019 2:12 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Wade's memories are probably based on the author's who was born in 1972 hence the early-80s bias with the things he does mention. If his parents were strict with his movie watching he probably missed out on the slasher and teen sex comedies and these are not genres worth going back to if you missed them (maybe a few exceptions). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170676) Date: May 1st, 2019 1:48 PM Author: Razzle Tank (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170510) Date: May 1st, 2019 2:02 PM Author: frisky circlehead tanning salon Gee, I wonder what's more pathetic, a shittily written book or the Reddit nerd who DID THE MATH for the benefit of a racist chatboard full of lawyers, on which he's a mini celebrity due to his involuntary celibacy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170595) Date: May 1st, 2019 2:03 PM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut The shittily written book is more pathetic, hth (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170599) Date: May 1st, 2019 2:12 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha titicr. The criticism is more entertaining than the book. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170680) Date: May 1st, 2019 2:17 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170719) Date: May 1st, 2019 2:19 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker you're literally JJC, so not sure you're the "final arbiter" on how pathetic someone is (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170732) Date: April 30th, 2019 9:38 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler how does he have twelve hours a day if he goes to school full time? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167453) Date: April 30th, 2019 9:51 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Because Cline is a hack who fucking forgot about that detail, obviously. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167532) Date: April 30th, 2019 10:03 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler incredible (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167597) Date: May 1st, 2019 12:21 AM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168376) Date: May 1st, 2019 1:56 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker "I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls playing ’80s cover tunes on ukuleles. Technically, this wasn’t part of my research, but I had a serious cute-geeky-girls-playing-ukuleles fetish that I can neither explain nor defend" This sentence raised my blood pressure who fucking writes like this and how was this novel a hit JFC (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170565) Date: May 1st, 2019 2:07 PM Author: copper bbw center this is Redditese (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170628) Date: May 3rd, 2019 12:32 AM Author: wonderful fortuitous meteor (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179049) Date: May 1st, 2019 2:33 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 6 Part 2 -So after that astonishing list of things Cline likes, we return to the narrative. Wade describes the initial clues that Halliday included in Anorak's Almanac to help people find the Easter Egg. Initially, only this poem is found: Three hidden keys open three secret gates Wherein the errant will be tested for worthy traits And those with the skill to survive these straits Will reach The End where the prize awaits -But after a few days, intrepid gunters like Wade notice something. Inside Anorak's Almanac a few letters have barely-visible notches. Assembling all the notched letters reveals a new poem: The Copper Key awaits explorers In a tomb filled with horrors But you have much to learn If you hope to earn A place among the high scorers -Implausibly, Wade says this secret clue managed to remain secret for a whole six months (though he and several others had found it), until some dipshit MIT freshman reveals it. His name was Steven Pendergast, so since then going public with a clue has been called "pulling a Pendergast." -Despite Pendergast's boner, though, the quest stagnates. For four years, no progress is made at all. Nobody can decipher the limerick, not even massive clans or the gigantic megacorporation spending billions on an oology division. -Wade, thanks to his intense dedication, is one of the only people to make any progress. The key is the second line: "In a tomb filled with horrors." Wade sees that line, and after a long time, makes a brilliant deduction: "Taken at face value, it seemed to say that the key was hidden in a tomb somewhere, one filled with horrifying stuff. But then, during the course of my research, I discovered an old Dungeons & Dragons supplement called Tomb of Horrors, which had been published in 1978. From the moment I saw the title, I was certain the second line of the Limerick was a reference to it. Halliday and Morrow had played Advanced Dungeons & Dragons all through high school, along with several other pen-and-paper role-playing games, like GURPS, Champions, Car Wars, and Rolemaster. Tomb of Horrors was a thin booklet called a “module.” It contained detailed maps and room-by-room descriptions of an underground labyrinth infested with undead monsters. D&D players could explore the labyrinth with their characters as the dungeon master read from the module and guided them through the story it contained, describing everything they saw and encountered along the way. As I learned more about how these early role-playing games worked, I realized that a D&D module was the primitive equivalent of a quest in the OASIS. And D&D characters were just like avatars. In a way, these old role-playing games had been the first virtual-reality simulations, created long before computers were powerful enough to do the job. In those days, if you wanted to escape to another world, you had to create it yourself, using your brain, some paper, pencils, dice, and a few rule books. This realization kind of blew my mind. It changed my whole perspective on the Hunt for Halliday’s Easter egg. From then on, I began to think of the Hunt as an elaborate D&D module. And Halliday was obviously the dungeon master, even if he was now controlling the game from beyond the grave. I found a digital copy of the sixty-seven-year-old Tomb of Horrors module buried deep in an ancient FTP archive. As I studied it, I began to develop a theory: Somewhere in the OASIS, Halliday had re-created the Tomb of Horrors, and he’d hidden the Copper Key inside it." -BTW, Tomb of Horrors is considered one of the most important and famous D&D modules of all time and isn't obscure in the slightest to RPG fans. Now, granted, by 2040 knowledge of tabletop RPGs may have faded, but on the other hand, meeting other D&D fans was one of the most important experiences in Halliday's life and, as Chapter 5 explained, this is well-known and written about in his biographies. But nope, deduction that "a tomb full of horrors" refers to Tomb of Horrors is a reflection of Wade's world-class problem-solving abilities. Nobody else ever even mentions it as a theory: "If any other gunters out there shared my interpretation of the Limerick, so far they’d been smart enough to keep quiet about it. I’d never seen any posts about the Tomb of Horrors on any gunter message boards. I realized, of course, that this might be because my theory about the old D&D module was completely lame and totally off base." -That said, even making the Tomb of Horrors connection isn't enough. There are thousands of planets in the OASIS and the Tomb of Horrors re-creation could be on any of them. Wade can't plausibly search them all, and for that matter with no money he can't reach them easily either. -Unable to do any brute-force searching, Wade fixates on the rest of the poem: "But you have much to learn/If you hope to earn/A place among the high scorers." Much to learn? What could that mean? And then finally, the solution hits Wade while he sits there in Latin class, and Chapter 6 ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170801) Date: May 1st, 2019 2:55 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha A. Magic Archway: When the party examines this arch give them ILLUSTRATION #5. and inform them that the stones glow in these colors whenever any person comes within 3' of the portal: lower left, OLIVE; keystone, RUSSET; lower right, CITRON. No matter which stones are pressed in what order, the archway remains clouded and veiled with a haze which nothing can enable the onlookers to see through. All living matter which goes through the arch will be teleported to 3, while non-living matter is teleported simultaneously to 33, i.e. characters stepping through will appear at the start totally nude, while everything else with them will go to the crypt of the demi-lich (Cruel but most entertaining for the DM . . .) http://the-eye.eu/public/Site-Dumps/adambibby.ca/download/dnd/Advanced%20D%26D%20%28unsorted%29/S1%20-%20Tomb%20of%20Horror.pdf (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170891) Date: May 2nd, 2019 11:34 AM Author: Fragrant Onyx Immigrant Why wasn’t it a vagina? That’s the real tomb of horrors. Were they not big in the 80s (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174911) Date: May 1st, 2019 8:39 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 7 Chapter 7 -Wade is sitting bored in Latin class, watching his teacher conjugate verbs. That's dull enough to justify a HIP REFERENCE: "Whenever we were doing tedious verb conjugation, I always got the lyrics to an old Schoolhouse Rock! song stuck in my head: 'To run, to go, to get, to give. Verb! You’re what’s happenin’!'" -To demonstrate the Latin verb "discere," or "to learn," the teacher writes the Latin sentence "Petimus scholam ut litteras discamus." She translates this as "We go to school to learn." Google translate suggests that's not quite right, but it could be a valid loose translation I suppose. -And that's when it hits Wade "Like an anvil falling out of the sky, directly onto my skull": Who has much to learn? Students, obviously! He's on an entire planet of students. Not only that, but while the word Ludus means "school," it can also mean "game." The Tomb of Horrors must be hidden somewhere on Ludus! -"I fell out of my folding chair and landed with a thud on the floor of my hideout. My OASIS console tracked this movement and attempted to make my avatar drop to the floor of my Latin classroom, but the classroom conduct software prevented it from moving and a warning flashed on my display: PLEASE REMAIN SEATED DURING CLASS!" -As he thinks further, Wade thinks of more ways that Ludus is the perfect location: The Ludus school system was funded directly by Halliday to promote education, and the whole planet was designed internally at GSS: "The realizations continued to detonate in my brain like atomic bombs going off, one after another." -The entrance to the Tomb of Horrors is a small hill with stones arranged to look like a skull. Wade downloads some terrain-scanner app that allows him to quickly search the entire surface of Ludus until he finds that exact entrance. This is an irritating plot point, because it implies that Wade really is one of the first people to make the Tomb of Horrors deduction. Even if there are thousands of planets, and you have to be on a planet to use the terrain-scanner, presumably major clans or the Sixers could do a brute-force search for the cave entrance. It would almost be better for the plot if the entrance were hidden and Wade found it by accident. -As-is, the Tomb is still on the other side of Ludus. Wade considers running there, which in-game will take about 3 days. He can also teleport, but Wade is so poor he can't even teleport from one side of a planet to another. Then, he realizes a solution: "Not only had I figured out a way to teleport to the other side of Ludus, I knew how to get my school to pay for it. Each OASIS public school had a bunch of different athletic teams, including wrestling, soccer, football, baseball, volleyball, and a few other sports that couldn’t be played in the real world, like Quidditch and zero-gravity Capture the Flag. Students went out for these teams just like they did at schools in the real world, and they played using elaborate sportscapable haptic rigs that required them to actually do all of their own running, jumping, kicking, tackling, and so on. The teams had nightly practice, held pep rallies, and traveled to other schools on Ludus to compete against them. Our school gave out free teleportation vouchers to any student who wanted to attend an away game, so we could sit up in the stands and root for old OPS #1873. I’d only taken advantage of this once, when our Capture the Flag team had played against Aech’s school in the OPS championships. When I arrived in the school office, I scanned the activities schedule and found what I was looking for right away. That evening, our football team was playing an away game against OPS #0571, which was located roughly an hour’s run from the forest where the tomb was hidden." -Wade heads to a teleportation booth ("Their shape and color always reminded me of Doctor Who’s TARDIS") and teleports to the other school. He briefly comments on how LAME it is to attend a sporting event: "I spotted some students from my school, walking toward the nearby football stadium, on their way to watch the game and root for our team. I wasn’t sure why they bothered. They could just as easily have watched the game via vidfeed. And any empty seats in the stands would be filled with randomly generated NPC fans who would wolf down virtual sodas and hot dogs while cheering wildly. Occasionally, they would even do 'the wave.'" -As he auto-runs toward the tomb, Wade reviews the Tomb of Horrors module from the 70s, and feels dread as he reads about the presence of a Demi-Lich at the end of the tomb: "That last bit worried me. A lich was an undead creature, usually an incredibly powerful wizard or king who had employed dark magic to bind his intellect to his own reanimated corpse, thus achieving a perverted form of immortality. I’d encountered liches in countless videogames and fantasy novels. They were to be avoided at all costs." -Rather belatedly, Wade reveals what happens if your Avatar is "killed" in-game. The penalty is surprisingly severe for an MMO: You lose all your equipment and reset to level 1. Also, backup avatars are banned, and while some hackers run multiple accounts, if you're caught doing so you're banned from OASIS for life. -After an hour of auto-running, Wade reaches the Tomb of Horrors. It's exactly as described in the 1978 module. He digs out a hole into the tomb's entrance using his shield, walks in, and chapter 7 ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38172528) Date: May 2nd, 2019 1:48 AM Author: amber den friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38173849) Date: May 2nd, 2019 1:50 AM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38173851) Date: May 2nd, 2019 1:56 AM Author: passionate private investor (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38173857) Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:00 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler this terrible book is detonating my brain cells like atomic bombs going off, one after another (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38173859) Date: May 2nd, 2019 6:40 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174047) Date: May 2nd, 2019 8:45 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174215) Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:00 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook An idle thought: Building full-body "haptic rigs" to allow kids to play high school sports sounds like a massive extravagance in a world marked by rampant poverty and warfare. Then again broke cities spending a billion dollars on football stadiums is a gross extravagance and that hasn't stopped us. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38175530) Date: May 2nd, 2019 10:40 AM Author: hairless legend Doing God's work here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174651) Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:00 PM Author: Tantric forum pisswyrm 180 thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38175535) Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:25 PM Author: Comical Hominid this is what i look forward to everyday. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38175778) Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:32 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 8 Chapter 8 -Despite his low level, Wade is able to make is way safely though the Tomb of Horrors because, like so many other 80s things, he has its map and contents completely memorized. "My surroundings made me feel like I was in a low-budget sword-and-sorcery flick, like Hawk the Slayer or The Beastmaster." -As he advances, Wade also collects items. 20,000 credits in gold coins, for starters. "As I continued deeper into the tomb, I obtained several magic items along the way. A +1 Flaming Sword. A Gem of Seeing. A +1 Ring of Protection. I even found a suit of +3 Full Plate armor. These were the first magic items my avatar had ever possessed, and they made me feel unstoppable. When I put on the suit of magical armor, it shrank to fit my avatar perfectly. Its gleaming chrome appearance reminded me of the bad-ass armor worn by the knights in Excalibur. " -Everything goes exactly as the module says until Wade reaches the Pillared Throne Room. Here, he encounters the terrifying Demi-Lich Acererak, who isn't supposed to appear until much deeper in the dungeon. But Wade knows the Copper Key is likely here, so he has to take his chances: "My chances of surviving one-on-one combat with a demi-lich were nonexistent. My wimpy +1 Flaming Sword couldn’t even affect him, and the two magic rubies in his eye sockets had the power to suck out my avatar’s life force and kill me instantly. Even a party of six or seven high-level avatars would have had a difficult time defeating him. I silently wished (not for the last time) that the OASIS was like an old adventure game and that I could save my place. But it wasn’t, and I couldn’t. If my avatar died here, it would mean starting over with nothing." -To his surprise, though, instead of attacking him upon approach, the Demi-Lich speaks. It asks what he seeks, and when he says the Copper Key, the Demi-Lich challenges him to...a game of Joust. Yeah, the old arcade game: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joust_(video_game) "The lich let out a long, disturbing cackle that echoed off the chamber’s stone walls. 'Very well!' he said. 'You shall prove your worth by facing me in a joust!' "I’d never heard of an undead lich king challenging someone to a joust. Especially not in a subterranean burial chamber. 'All right,' I said uncertainly. 'But won’t we be needing horses for that?' "'Not horses,' he replied, stepping away from his throne. 'Birds.' "He waved a skeletal hand at his throne. There was a brief flash of light, accompanied by a transformation sound effect (which I was pretty sure had been lifted from the old Super Friends cartoon)[always a reference ready]. The throne melted and morphed into an old coin-operated videogame cabinet. Two joysticks protruded from its control panel, one yellow and one blue. I couldn’t help but grin as I read the name on the game’s backlit marquee: JOUST. Williams Electronics, 1982. "'Best two out of three games,' Acererak rasped. 'If you win, I shall grant you what you seek.' "'What if you win?' I asked, already knowing the answer. "'If I am victorious,' the lich said, the rubies in his eye sockets blazing even brighter, 'then you shall die!' A ball of swirling orange flame appeared in his right hand. He raised it threateningly. "'Of course,' I said. 'That was my first guess. Just wanted to double-check.'" -Wade, fortunately, is prepared. Like Batman, he naturally just happens to have spent months mastering Joust, between his time spent reading 600 books, watching 400 movies and a thousand hours of television, and beating hundreds of others games: "I hadn’t played Joust in over a year. It was one of Aech’s favorite games, and for a while he’d had a Joust cabinet in his chat room. He used to challenge me to a game whenever he wanted to settle an argument or some asinine pop-culture dispute. For a few months, we played almost every day. In the beginning, Aech was slightly better than I was, and he had a habit of gloating over his victories. This had really irked me, so I started practicing Joust on my own, playing a few games a night against an AI opponent. I honed my skills until I finally got good enough to beat Aech, repeatedly and consistently. Then I began to gloat over him, savoring my revenge. The last time we’d played, I’d rubbed his nose in defeat so mercilessly that he’d flipped out and vowed never to play me again. Since then, we’d used Street Fighter II to settle our disputes. "My Joust skills were a lot rustier than I thought. I spent the first five minutes just trying to relax and to reacquaint myself with the controls and the rhythm of the game. During this time, Acererak managed to kill me twice, mercilessly slamming his winged mount into mine at the perfect trajectory. He handled the game’s controls with the calculated perfection of a machine. Which, of course, was exactly what he was—cutting-edge NPC artificial intelligence, programmed by Halliday himself." -Wade loses the first game, and looks like he's toast. But then he makes a brilliant move: He asks to switch to playing on the left side instead of the right. As they switch, he can't help but make another fucking reference: "It suddenly occurred to me just how absurd this scene was: a guy wearing a suit of armor, standing next to an undead king, both hunched over the controls of a classic arcade game. It was the sort of surreal image you’d expect to see on the cover of an old issue of Heavy Metal or Dragon magazine." -Cline struggles mightily to make a literary description of a 1982 arcade game exciting: "The next game started out badly for me too. My opponent’s movements were relentless and precise, and I spent the first few waves just trying to evade him. I was also distracted by the incessant click of his skeletal index finger as he tapped his Flap button. I unclenched my jaw and cleared my mind, forcing myself not to think about where I was, who I was playing against, or what was at stake. I tried to imagine that I was back in the Basement, playing against Aech. It worked. I slipped into the zone, and the tide began to turn in my favor. I began to find the flaws in the lich’s playing style, the holes in his programming. This was something I’d learned over the years, mastering hundreds of different videogames. There was always a trick to beating a computer-controlled opponent. At a game like this, a gifted human player could always triumph over the game’s AI, because software couldn’t improvise. It could either react randomly, or in a limited number of predetermined ways, based on a finite number of preprogrammed conditions. This was an axiom in videogames, and would be until humans invented true artificial intelligence. Our second game came right down to the wire, but by the end of it, I’d spotted a pattern to the lich’s playing technique. By changing my ostrich’s direction at a certain moment, I could get him to slam his stork into one of the oncoming buzzards. By repeating this move, I was able to pick off his extra lives, one by one. I died several times myself in the process, but I finally took him down during the tenth wave, with no extra lives of my own to spare. I stepped back from the machine and sighed with relief. I could feel rivulets of sweat running down my forehead and around the edge of my visor. I wiped at my face with the sleeve of my shirt, and my avatar mimicked this motion. 'Good game,' Acererak said. Then, to my surprise, he offered me his withered claw of a hand. I shook it, chuckling nervously as I did so." -The third game builds up to a thrilling climax: "Our final tie-breaking game lasted longer than the first two combined. During the final wave, so many buzzards filled the screen that it was hard to move without getting dusted by one of them. The lich and I faced off one final time, at the very top of the playing field, both of us incessantly hitting our Flap buttons while slamming our joysticks left and right. Acererak made a final, desperate move to avoid my charge and dropped a micrometer toolow. His final mount died in a tiny pixelated explosion." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38175852) Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:51 PM Author: copper bbw center this book is obviously pulp shit. don't see the point of testing it for any social, economic, or technological realism (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176013) Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:51 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Because it's funny? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176017) Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:01 PM Author: copper bbw center also an enormous exercise, keep going (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176096) Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:12 PM Author: Fragrant Onyx Immigrant bro i "get" that literature is sacred to you and you'd feel defiled if you had to read this pulp shit but charles is our bald incel xo jesus and he is willing to sacrifice his literary sanity for content creation which makes him >>>>>> you, me, and especially that too-cool/can't be seen being genuine or tryhard jaded judas jones (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176153) Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:20 PM Author: copper bbw center i definitely don't pull my weight with respect to ~CONTENT~ so i respect the effort and ingenuity some posters put into their posting. doing a comprehensive "how dumb is this?" with an obvious piece of trash seems like a poor return on investment. no one pretends this is a wise book. we know fifty shades of grey is laughable, but why do a line by line exegesis. low comedy just idly raising the question, he can keep putting his surplus incel energy into it, i don't really give a fuck. we do love <b>CONTENT</b> (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176233) Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:24 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook That's where you're wrong, sadly. As the opening post shows, this book got tremendous positive reviews and is overwhelmingly popular. It is not acknowledged as low trash in nearly the same way 50 Shades is. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176269) Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:40 PM Author: copper bbw center not much is worse than 50 shades so that's not the best comparison i'd much prefer watching a consensus great book being taken apart for its false importance. we do like to run down franzen here (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176404) Date: May 3rd, 2019 1:43 AM Author: sienna ape Let the man entertain us pls (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179207) Date: May 3rd, 2019 1:53 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler jesus christ man nobody wants charles to read franzen and complain about it. leave us to our pulp fiction (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179227) Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:37 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (Cline) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179720) Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:08 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 8 Part 2 -Wade celebrates in a rather cringeworthy manner: "The lich let out a long bloodcurdling howl of rage. He smashed an angry fist into the side of the Joust cabinet, shattering it into a million tiny pixels that scattered and bounced across the floor. Then he turned to face me. "'Congratulations, Parzival,' he said, bowing low. 'You played well.' "'Thank you, noble Acererak,' I replied, resisting the urge to jump up and down and shake my ass victoriously in his general direction." -Halliday's avatar Anorak appears and presents Wade with the Copper Key (along with 50k experience points, raising him to level 10). Of course, this comes with ANOTHER fucking reference that means nothing unless you've seen the film in question (multiple times, preferably): "The chamber filled with the sound of a full orchestra. Triumphant horns were quickly joined by a stirring string section. I recognized the music. It was the last track from John Williams’s original Star Wars score, used in the scene where Princess Leia gives Luke and Han their medals (and Chewbacca, as you may recall, gets the shaft)." -Anorak vanishes with another reference: "His avatar vanished in a flash of light, accompanied by a teleportation sound effect I knew was lifted from the old ’80s Dungeons & Dragons cartoon." Didn't watch that cartoon? Too bad, I guess. -It took five years for people to figure out Halliday's first clue, but Wade takes just seconds to deduce the clue leading to the First Gate: "I turned it over in my avatar’s hand, watching the torchlight play across the roman numeral, and that was when I spotted two small lines of text engraved into the metal. I tilted the key up to the light and read them aloud: 'What you seek lies hidden in the trash on the deepest level of Daggorath.' "I didn’t even need to read it a second time. I instantly understood its meaning. I knew exactly where I needed to go and what I would have to do once I got there. "'Hidden in the trash' was a reference to the ancient TRS-80 line of computers made by Tandy and Radio Shack in the ’70s and ’80s. Computer users of that era had given the TRS80 the derogatory nickname of 'Trash 80.' "What you seek lies hidden in the trash. "Halliday’s first computer had been a TRS-80, with a whopping 16K of RAM. And I knew exactly where to find a replica of that computer in the OASIS. Every gunter did. "In the early days of the OASIS, Halliday had created a small planet named Middletown, named after his hometown in Ohio. The planet was the site of a meticulous re-creation of his hometown as it was in the late 1980s. That saying about how you can never go home again? Halliday had found a way. Middletown was one of his pet projects, and he’d spent years coding and refining it. And it was well known (to gunters, at least) that one of the most detailed and accurate parts of the Middletown simulation was the re-creation of Halliday’s boyhood home. "I’d never been able to visit it, but I’d seen hundreds of screenshots and vidcaps of the place. Inside Halliday’s bedroom was a replica of his first computer, a TRS-80 Color Computer 2. I was positive that was where he’d hidden the First Gate. And the second line of text inscribed on the Copper Key told me how to reach it: On the deepest level of Daggorath. "Dagorath was a word in Sindarin, the Elvish language J. R. R. Tolkien had created for The Lord of the Rings. The word dagorath meant “battle,” but Tolkien had spelled the word with just one “g,” not two. 'Daggorath' (with two “g”s) could refer only to one thing: an incredibly obscure computer game called Dungeons of Daggorath released in 1982. The game had been made for just one platform, the TRS-80 Color Computer. Halliday had written in Anorak’s Almanac that Dungeons of Daggorath was the game that made him decide he wanted to become a videogame designer. And Dungeons of Daggorath was one of the games sitting in the shoebox next to the TRS80 in the re-creation of Halliday’s childhood bedroom." -It's getting late and Wade has school in the morning, but he's far too excited to stop now. He starts sprinting out of the cave, but as he's about to leave, he hears a voice, and the chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176130) Date: May 2nd, 2019 11:53 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma *extremely autistic voice* the trash-80 is most properly used to refer to the 1977 trs-80 architecture. the color computer family used trs-80 as a marketing name but had a different processor family (motorola CPUs instead of z80s) and was not compatible with true trs-80s (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38178955) Date: May 2nd, 2019 11:57 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook (James Halliday) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38178963) Date: May 3rd, 2019 12:02 AM Author: wonderful fortuitous meteor I actually the played Dungeons of Daggorath cart on an old Color Computer 2 in the 80's It was ahead of its time but also frustratingly difficult for example iirc instead of reducing damage the shield actually does nothing and is just another weapon never beat it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38178982) Date: May 2nd, 2019 11:59 PM Author: orange heaven cumskin science fiction is notorious for terrible writing. Even Dune is bad. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38178969) Date: May 3rd, 2019 12:28 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler to be fair dune was a thinly veiled WARS FOR OIL screed and it was still competently written and not total schlock (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179043) Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:47 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Yes but there is a difference btw. flat or cliched writing and teen fanfiction tier (written by a man in his 40s) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179747) Date: May 3rd, 2019 9:09 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179784) Date: May 3rd, 2019 12:32 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 9 Chapter 9 -The mysterious newcomer to the Tomb of Horrors is none other than Art3mis, Wade's blogger crush: "She wore a suit of scaled gunmetal-blue armor that looked more sci-fi than fantasy. Twin blaster pistols were slung low on her hips in quickdraw holsters, and there was a long, curved elvish sword in a scabbard across her back. She wore fingerless Road Warrior–style racing gloves and a pair of classic Ray-Ban shades. Overall, she seemed to be going for a sort of mid-’80s postapocalyptic cyberpunk girl-next-door look. And it was working for me, in a big way. In a word: hot. For a moment I was too star-struck to speak. To break my paralysis, I reminded myself that the person operating the avatar in front of me might not be a woman at all. This “girl,” whom I’d been cyber-crushing on for the past three years, might very well be an obese, hairy-knuckled guy named Chuck. [Oof!]" -Art3mis asks who Wade is, and not wanting to be honest, he of course decides to make a HAHA SO RANDOM reference: "'Greetings,' I said, bowing slightly. 'I am Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez.' "She smirked. 'Chief metallurgist to King Charles the Fifth of Spain?' "'At your service,' I replied, grinning. She’d caught my obscure Highlander quote and thrown another right back at me. It was Art3mis, all right." -Once the pointless reference is over, Art3mis once again asks how he did at Joust. Wade decides to lie and say he got pasted. Nevertheless, Art3mis attacks him, causing them both to discover that the Tomb is a no-PVP zone just like the rest of Ludus. -Art3mis is quite the show-off: "'Well, there you have it,' she said, grinning. 'This is a no-PvP zone after all.' She whipped her sword around in a figure-eight pattern, then smoothly replaced it in the scabbard on her back. Very slick. -Wade and Art3mis trade some dumb barbs about who has a stronger character. Wade is about to sneak off to see the first gate when Art3mis finally straight-up begs him to stick around. She goes on a short rant about her frustrations, revealing that she's been coming to the tomb for weeks, but keeps losing at Joust. Naturally, Wade can only express his adoration for her with a fucking reference: "She cut herself off again. 'Man, I’m such a motormouth! A jabberjaw. A flibbertigibbet.' She mimed zipping her lips, locking them, and tossing away the imaginary key. Without thinking, I mimed grabbing the key out of the air and unlocking her lips. This made her laugh—an honest, genuine laugh that involved a fair amount of snorting, which made me laugh too. "She was so charming. Her geeky demeanor and hyperkinetic speech pattern reminded me of Jordan, my favorite character in Real Genius. I’d never felt such an instant connection with another person." -Wade's crush only continues to grow as their flighty banter continues, and Art3mis explains the totally not-fucking-obvious origin of her moniker: "'Parzival, eh?' She tilted her head slightly. 'Named after the knight of the Round Table who found the grail, right? Very cool.' I nodded, now even more smitten. I almost always had to explain my name to people. "'And Artemis was the Greek goddess of the hunt, right?' 'Right! But the normal spelling was already taken, so I had to use a leet spelling, with a number three in place of the ‘e.’ ” "'I know,' I said. 'You mentioned that once on your blog. Two years ago.' I almost cited the date of the actual blog entry before I realized it would make me sound like even more of a cyber-stalking super-creep. 'You said that you still run into noobs who prounounce it ‘Artthree-miss.’' "'That’s right,' she said, grinning at me. 'I did.'" -Art3mis hands Wade her contact card, which in-game is represented as "a vintage Kenner Star Wars action figure (still in the blister pack)," surely a fascinating reference to those who get it. "Not only was this the first time a girl had ever given me her card, it was also, by far, the coolest contact card I had ever seen." -Wade gives her his own contact card, which is modeled after an Atari Adventure cartridge: "'This is awesome!' she said, looking it over. 'What a wicked design!' "'Thanks,' I said, blushing under my visor. I wanted to propose marriage." -Wade attempts to leave, which makes Art3mis suspicious once again. She looks at the Scoreboard and realizes that Wade has the Copper Key. She then goes into a self-hating rage, angry that she has failed for more than a month at Joust. Wade tries to calm her down with an 80s reference. "'Listen,' I said. 'It really was luck. I’ve got a knack for classic arcade games. That’s my specialty.' I shrugged. 'Stop hitting yourself like Rain Man, OK?' -To slow Wade down from reaching the First Gate, Art3mis casts a Barrier Spell to keep him imprisoned until after midnight, when the dungeon status will reset, slowing him down: "'You’re evil, you know that?' I said. "She grinned and shook her head. 'Chaotic Neutral, sugar.'" -They chat a bit more while Wade is stuck in the barrier. Art3mis points out something Wade hasn't though of: Now that he has become the first person to make progress in the contest, the entire world will become obsessed with the hunt again, and Parzival will be an international celebrity. He has to keep his identity secret, or he'll almost certainly be harassed and possibly even killed. -Art3mis then switches gears and asks what Wade would do if he wins. He tells her his dream: "'I’d have a nuclear-powered interstellar spacecraft constructed in Earth’s orbit,' I said. 'I’d stock it with a lifetime supply of food and water, a self-sustaining biosphere, and a supercomputer loaded with every movie, book, song, videogame, and piece of artwork that human civilization has ever created, along with a stand-alone copy of the OASIS. Then I’d invite a few of my closest friends to come aboard, along with a team of doctors and scientists, and we’d all get the hell out of Dodge. Leave the solar system and start looking for an extrasolar Earthlike planet.'" -Art3mis points out that's rather selfish. If she wins, she will make sure everyone has food, then "figure out how to fix the environment and solve the energy crisis." -Wade smugly dismisses that dream with, you guessed it, a reference: "'And after you pull off that miracle, you can genetically engineer a bunch of Smurfs and unicorns to frolic around this new perfect world you’ve created.'” -Before leaving the tomb, Wade decides to be generous and tells Art3mis to try switching sides on the Joust machine. He watches her play for a moment, then leaves, and the chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179051) Date: May 3rd, 2019 1:38 AM Author: sienna ape Enjoying this. Forgot how horrible book was (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179200) Date: May 3rd, 2019 2:08 AM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut Wait wouldn't Art3mis be a lowly level 1 noob after losing the joust game every day and being killed by the monster? Why is she decked out in cool gear (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179291) Date: May 3rd, 2019 2:09 AM Author: slimy library halford cq (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179293) Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:56 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook You actually just fight the monster, and she has been beating him (barely) each time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179765) Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:58 AM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut wow thats dumb, should be certain death to make it more difficult! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179769) Date: May 3rd, 2019 9:08 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179783) Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:47 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker lmao holy shit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179744) Date: May 15th, 2019 5:20 PM Author: useless exhilarant quadroon bawdyhouse If the narrator can more or less only experience reality through the lens of 80s pop culture, wouldn't he call himself "Percival", which is the name of the knight in the Excalibur movie he keeps mentioning? "Parzival" is the spelling of the character from a 13th century poem. Even Malory uses "Percival" by the 14th century. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38239736) Date: May 15th, 2019 7:34 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Names can't be re-used and "Percival" was taken. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38240455) Date: May 28th, 2019 10:23 PM Author: useless exhilarant quadroon bawdyhouse But wouldn't he pick something like "P3Rc1v4L" then? And not something from Middle English? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38304632) Date: May 28th, 2019 10:23 PM Author: useless exhilarant quadroon bawdyhouse (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38304625) Date: May 3rd, 2019 10:58 AM Author: wonderful fortuitous meteor man I thought XO was being edgy cool bashing it but this is pretty bad (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38180274) Date: May 3rd, 2019 11:10 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha I don't see how it can be enjoyable even on an escapist fantasy level. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38180342) Date: May 3rd, 2019 11:13 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker cr I figured the book was a fun adventure romp with probably a few too many painfully forced 80s references I did not expect the writing to be full reddit goon quality nor the plot to have peterman-tier gaping holes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38180367) Date: May 3rd, 2019 3:19 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 10 Chapter 10 -It takes Wade an hour to re-navigate the Tomb of Horrors traps and reach the surface. When he gets there, he leaves a no-communications zone surrounding the tomb and is barraged with outside messages. As the first holder of the Copper Key, he's instantly a huge celebrity. For now, Wade ignores the messages and instead races to a transport terminal at the nearest school, which warps him to the Middletown, Ohio planet: "When Halliday had created Middletown, he hadn’t placed just a single re-creation of his hometown there. He’d made 256 identical copies of it, spread out evenly across the planet’s surface. I didn’t think it would matter which copy of his hometown I went to, so I selected one at random, near the equator. Then I tapped CONFIRM to pay the fare, and my avatar vanished. "A millisecond later, I was standing inside a vintage 1980s phone booth located inside an old Greyhound bus station. I opened the door and stepped out. It was like stepping out of a time machine. Several NPCs milled around, all dressed in mid-1980s attire. A woman with a giant ozone-depleting hairdo bobbed her head to an oversize Walkman. A kid in a gray Members Only jacket leaned against the wall, working on a Rubik’s Cube. A Mohawked punk rocker sat in a plastic chair, watching a Riptide rerun on a coin-operated television." -Wade advances carefully, because bizarrely Middletown is a legit PvP zone. -Of course, between reading hundreds of books and thousands of comics, and memorizing Tomb of Horrors, etc., Wade has also become an expert on Halliday's hometown: "Even though I’d never been to Middletown before, I’d done extensive research on it, so I knew Halliday had coded the planet so that no matter when you visited or where you were on the surface, it was always a perfect late-autumn afternoon, circa 1986." -Visiting Middletown is so jarring that, naturally, Wade has a handy reference ready. Two, in fact: "The place reminded me a lot of the town in the movie Footloose. Small, rural, and sparsely populated. The houses all seemed incredibly big and were placed ridiculously far apart. It astounded me that fifty years ago, even lower-income families had an entire house to themselves [haha you and me both, man]. The NPC citizens all looked like extras from a John Cougar Mellencamp video." -As he heads for Halliday's house, Wade sees that Art3mis has beaten the Joust Demi-Lich and secured the Copper Key. It's been a whole hour since they parted, so those must have been some pretty long Joust matches. -Wade reaches the recreation of Halliday's childhood home and enters. There are no NPC's there; Halliday chose not to recreate his childhood self or any of his family members. -As he walks in, Wade passes Halliday's childhood Atari and reflects on Gunter lore: "The simulated wood grain on the Atari’s plastic casing perfectly matched the simulated wood grain on the television cabinet and on the living room walls. Beside the Atari was a shoebox containing nine game cartridges: Combat, Space Invaders, Pitfall, Kaboom!, Star Raiders, The Empire Strikes Back, Starmaster, Yars’ Revenge, and E.T. Gunters had attached a large amount of significance to the absence of Adventure, the game Halliday was seen playing on this very same Atari at the end of Anorak’s Invitation. People had searched the entire Middletown simulation for a copy of it, but there didn’t appear to be one anywhere on the whole planet. Gunters had brought copies of Adventure here from other planets, but when they tried to play them on Halliday’s Atari, they never worked. So far, no one had been able to figure out why [GEE I WONDER IF THIS IS FORESHADOWING]." -Wade enters Halliday's room. More references: "The carpet was a horrendous mustard color. So was the wallpaper. But the walls were almost entirely covered with movie and rock band posters: Real Genius, WarGames, Tron, Pink Floyd, Devo, Rush. A bookshelf stood just inside the door, overflowing with science fiction and fantasy paperbacks (all titles I’d read, of course). A second bookshelf by the bed was crammed to capacity with old computer magazines and Dungeons & Dragons rule books. Several long boxes of comic books were stacked against the wall, each carefully labeled. And there on the battered wooden desk in the corner was James Halliday’s first computer." -Wade is, of course, also an expert on hard-to-use early 80s computers and games: "I knew from my research that the cassette recorder functioned as the TRS-80’s 'tape drive.' It stored data as analog sound on magnetic audiotapes. When Halliday had first started programming, the poor kid hadn’t even had access to a floppy disk drive. He’d had to store his code on cassette tapes. A shoebox sat beside the tape drive, filled with dozens of these cassettes. Most of them were text adventure games: Raaka-tu, Bedlam, Pyramid, and Madness and the Minotaur. There were also a few ROM cartridges, which fit into a slot on the side of the computer. I dug around in the box until I found a cartridge with DUNGEONS OF DAGGORATH printed in crooked yellow text on its worn red label. The game’s artwork depicted a first-person view of a long dungeon corridor blocked by a hulking blue giant with a large stone ax. "When a list of the games found in Halliday’s bedroom had first appeared online, I’d made sure to download and master every single one of them, so I’d already solved Dungeons of Daggorath, about two years earlier. It had taken most of a weekend. The graphics were crude, but even so, the game was fun and incredibly addictive." -Of course, other players have tried playing Halliday's games on his home computers, without success. But Wade is the first to have the Copper Key. A REFERENCE appears to show he's doing something right: "I laid my fingers on the keyboard and began to play. As soon as I did, a jambox sitting on top of Halliday’s dresser turned itself on, and familiar music began to blast out of it. It was Basil Poledouris’s score for Conan the Barbarian. That must be Anorak’s way of letting me know I’m on the right track, I thought." -It takes a few hours, but Wade easily clears Dungeons of Daggorath, helped along by the ability to save and reload his game (though on an 80s computer, the process is cumbersome). As he continues to play, Wade gets in another reference: "While I was playing, the Conan the Barbarian score ended and the jambox clicked over and began to play the opposite side of the tape, treating me to the synthesizer-laden score for Ladyhawke. I couldn’t wait to rub Aech’s nose in that." -When he beats the game, the Wargames poster on Halliday's wall is replaced by a wrought-iron gate. Wade opens it with the copper key and encounters another reference: "'My God, it’s full of stars,' I heard a disembodied voice say. I recognized it as a sound bite from the film 2010. Then I heard a low, ominous hum, followed by a piece of music from that film’s score: 'Also Sprach Zarathustra' by Richard Strauss." [Actually, I believe Zarathustra was only used in 2001, not 2010] -Wade enters the gate, and the chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38181924) Date: May 3rd, 2019 4:03 PM Author: orchid haunted graveyard step-uncle's house LJL at the author of Ready Player One not even getting his references to Kubrick right (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38182318) Date: May 3rd, 2019 4:11 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha actually per imdb Also Sprach was in it: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086837/soundtrack?ref_=tt_trv_snd (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38182362) Date: May 3rd, 2019 4:13 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook FMA (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38182378) Date: May 3rd, 2019 4:22 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler lol @ the entire score being one piece from kubrick and the ass to ass song from RFAD (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38182434) Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:51 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 11 Chapter 11 -Wade tumbles through black space, and suddenly snaps back to (virtual) reality standing in front of a Galaga machine. -After a moment of disorientation, Wade realizes where he is: "Keeping one eye on the game, I tried to make sense of my surroundings. In my peripheral vision I was able to make out a Dig Dug game on my left and a Zaxxon machine to my right. Behind me, I could hear a cacophony of digital combat coming from dozens of other vintage arcade games. Then, as I finished clearing the wave on Galaga, I noticed my reflection in the game’s screen. It wasn’t my avatar’s face I saw there. It was Matthew Broderick’s face. A young pre–Ferris Bueller and pre-Ladyhawke Matthew Broderick. "Then I knew where I was. And who I was. "I was David Lightman, Matthew Broderick’s character in the movie WarGames. And this was his first scene in the film. "I was in the movie." -Yep, that's Chapter 11. To clear the First Gate, Wade has to recite, from memory, all of Matthew Broderick's lines from the movie WarGames. Haven't seen that movie? Don't like it? Don't find the idea of simply reciting lines from a movie terribly interesting? Too bad, this is RPO, where being able to live through the events of a movie is Badass and Amazeballs: "I’d spent years wondering what challenges awaited me inside the First Gate. Never once had I imagined this. But I probably should have. WarGames had been one of Halliday’s alltime favorite movies. Which was why I had watched it over three dozen times. Well, that, and also because it was completely awesome, with an old-school teenage computer hacker as the protagonist. And it looked like all of that research was about to pay off." -Wade quickly grasps what he's supposed to do, like a proper goon: "It seemed that the only way I could get back would be to clear the gate by completing the quest. But if this was a videogame, how was I supposed to play it? If this was a quest, what was my goal? I continued to play Galaga while pondering these questions. A second later, a young boy walked into the arcade and came over to me. "'Hi, David!' he said, his eyes on my game. "I recognized this kid from the movie. His name was Howie. In the film, Matthew Broderick’s character hands his Galaga game off to Howie when he rushes off to school. "'Hi, David!' the boy repeated, in the same exact tone. As he spoke this time, his words also appeared as text, superimposed across the bottom of my display, like subtitles. Below this, flashing red, were the words FINAL DIALOGUE WARNING! "I began to understand. The simulation was warning me that this was my final chance to deliver the next line of dialogue from the movie. If I didn’t say the line, I could guess what would probably happen next. GAME OVER. "But I didn’t panic, because I knew the next line. I’d seen WarGames so many times that I knew the entire film by heart." -Apparently, doing a series of memory-based quicktime events is the funnest game ever: "I started to feel giddy. This was incredible. I was totally inside the movie. Halliday had transformed a fifty-year-old film into a real-time interactive videogame. I wondered how long it had taken him to program this thing. "Another warning flashed on my display: YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL, DAVID! HURRY! "I stepped away from the Galaga machine. 'Hey, you wanna take this over?' I asked Howie. "'Sure,' he replied, grabbing the controls. 'Thanks!' "A green path appeared on the floor of the arcade, leading from where I stood to the exit. I started to follow it, then remembered to run back and grab my notebook off of the Dig Dug game, just like David had in the movie. As I did this, my score jumped another 100 points, and ACTION BONUS! appeared on my display. "'Bye, David!' Howie shouted. "'Bye!' I shouted back. Another 100 points. This was easy!" -Somehow, even in a chapter that is literally nothing but "Hey, remember that move? Wasn't it AWESOME?," Cline sneaks in some references to other films: "I’d totally overprepared. I probably knew WarGames even better than I knew Real Genius and Better Off Dead." -Wade basically skips to the end of the film. But despite that, and despite the fact this isn't even a real game people can play, Cline still gives a surprising level of detail about how the game works: "Whenever I flubbed a line or didn’t perform an action at the right moment, my score decreased and a warning flashed on my display. When I made two mistakes in a row, a FINAL WARNING message appeared. I wasn’t sure what would happen if I got three strikes in a row, but my guess was that I’d either be expelled from the gate or that my avatar would simply be killed. I wasn’t eager to find out which it would be. Whenever I correctly performed seven actions or recited seven lines of dialogue in a row, the game would award me a “Cue Card Power-Up.” The next time I blanked on what to do or say, I could select the Cue Card icon and the correct action or line of dialogue would appear on my display, sort of like a teleprompter. "During scenes that didn’t involve my character, the simulation cut to a passive thirdperson perspective, and all I had to do was sit back and watch things play out, sort of like watching a cut scene in an old videogame. During these scenes, I could relax until my character came on-screen again. During one of these breaks, I tried to access a copy of the movie from my OASIS console’s hard drive, with the intention of playing it in a window on my display so I could refer to it. But the system wouldn’t let me. In fact, I found that I couldn’t open any windows at all while inside the gate. When I tried, I got a warning: NO CHEATING. TRY TO CHEAT AGAIN AND IT’S GAME OVER!" -In a rather pointless digression, Wade describes how these interactive movies will become the most awesomest games ever in the future: "I didn’t know it at the time, but I’d just become the first person to play an entirely new type of videogame. When GSS got wind of the WarGames simulation inside the First Gate (and they did a short time later), the company quickly patented the idea and began to buy up the rights to old movies and TV shows and convert them into immersive interactive games that they dubbed Flicksyncs. Flicksyncs became wildly popular. There turned out to be a huge market for games that allowed people to play a leading role in one of their favorite old movies or TV series." -After about two hours, Wade reaches the end: "The last action I had to perform was instructing the WOPR supercomputer to 'play itself' at tic-tac-toe." Technically, the last actions Broderick does are rubbing some guy on the head and then kissing the girl. Normally I wouldn't be picky, but Cline was rather explicit that he is supposed to autistically reenact EVERYTHING in this movie. -After winning the game, Wade gets the second clue: The captain conceals the Jade Key in a dwelling long neglected But you can only blow the whistle once the trophies are all collected -Wade gets so many experience points for clearing the First Gate that he rockets all the way up to level 20. He scrambles out of Middletown back to his school, where he dumps his digital gear in his locker and finally leaves the OASIS after more than 24 hours. It's almost time for school, but Wade decides to get some sleep instead, despite saying earlier in the book that he's on the brink of getting expelled and can't afford to miss additional days (since if he's expelled, his OASIS is confiscated). -As he collapses into sleep, Wade has a dream with a reference in it: "An army of Sixers stood in front of me, and several different gunter clans surrounded me on all other flanks, brandishing swords and guns and weapons of powerful magic. "I looked down at my body. It wasn’t Parzival’s body; it was my own. And I was wearing armor made of paper. In my right hand was a toy plastic sword, and in my left was a large glass egg. It looked exactly like the glass egg that causes Tom Cruise’s character so much grief in Risky Business, but somehow I knew that, in the context of my dream, it was supposed to be Halliday’s Easter egg." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38183569) Date: May 4th, 2019 10:26 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 12 Chapter 12 -Wade sleeps for 12 hours and misses school, which is no longer a problem for him I guess. While he sleeps, Art3mis also clears the First Gate. -Wade turns on the news, which is wall-to-wall coverage of him and the Copper Key's discovery. Some "gunter expert" is on-screen, stating that with Wade and Art3mis completing the Copper Key so close together after years of no progress, they MUST be working together within a clan. -Wade finds a TV channel that is interviewing Halliday's old business partner, Ogden Morrow. His appearance turns into a slightly-silly denunciation of the stoopid corporations, maaaaaaan: "It had been almost six years since Morrow had last spoken to the media, but he didn’t seem to have aged a day. His wild gray hair and long beard made him look like a cross between Albert Einstein and Santa Claus [holy shit, a simile not taken from an 80s movie!]. That comparison was also a pretty good description of his personality. ... "Then he looked straight into the camera, and I felt as if he was now speaking directly to me. 'Anyone smart enough to accomplish what they have should know better than to risk everything by talking to the vultures in the media.' "The reporter chuckled uncomfortably. 'Ah, Mr. Morrow … I really don’t think that’s called for.' "Morrow shrugged. 'Too bad. I do.' "The reporter cleared his throat again. 'Well, moving on … Do you have any predictions about what changes we might see on the Scoreboard in the weeks to come?' “'I’m betting that those other eight empty slots will fill up pretty quickly.'" “'What makes you think so?'” “'One person can keep a secret, but not two,' he replied, staring directly into the camera again. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong. But I am sure of one thing. The Sixers are going to use every dirty trick at their disposal to learn the location of the Copper Key and the First Gate.' “'You’re referring to the employees of Innovative Online Industries?' “'Yes. IOI. The Sixers. Their sole purpose is to exploit loopholes in the contest rules and subvert the intention of Jim’s will. The very soul of the OASIS is at stake here. The last thing Jim would have wanted is for his creation to fall into the hands of a fascist multinational conglomerate like IOI.' “'Mr. Morrow, IOI owns this network.…' “'Of course they do!' Morrow shouted gleefully. 'They own practically everything! Including you, pretty boy! I mean, did they tattoo a UPC code on your ass when they hired you to sit there and spout their corporate propaganda?' The reporter began to stutter, glancing nervously at something off camera. “'Quick!' Morrow said. 'You better cut me off before I say anything else!' He broke up into gales of laughter just as the network cut his satellite feed. "The reporter took a few seconds to regroup, then said, 'Thank you again for joining us today, Mr. Morrow. Unfortunately that’s all the time we have to speak with him.'" -At this point, Wade starts dumping more background on Morrow. In contrast to Halliday, Morrow had a more normal, but also more tragic life. One member of Morrow and Halliday's D&D group was a British exchange student, Kira Underwood ("Her birth name was Karen, but she’d insisted on being called Kira ever since her first viewing of The Dark Crystal."). Kira is a "quintessential geek girl, unabashedly obsessed with Monty Python, comic books, fantasy novels, and videogames." Morrow falls in love with her and they become high school sweethearts. However, Halliday also crushes on her (oof!), though he's so nervous he'll only refer to her by her D&D character name, Leucosia. -Morrow and Kira have a long-distance relationship after she returns to the UK, using the very earliest forms of the Internet to stay in touch. They move in together in the early 90s when she comes to work at GSS. They get engaged "a few years after the launch of the OASIS," and marry a year after that, so it sounds like they lived together for at least 20 years before getting married. -Five years after getting married, in 2022, Morrow abruptly leaves GSS. He initially cites personal reasons, but it later comes out that he has become hostile to OASIS itself: "'It had become a self-imposed prison for humanity,' he wrote. 'A pleasant place for the world to hide from its problems while human civilization slowly collapses, primarily due to neglect.'" Morrow sells his GSS shares to Halliday (whom he hasn't spoken to directly in years) and retires with Kira. -In their "retirement," Morrow and Kira found a company that makes adventure games for children. Wade has another lovely instance of telling rather than showing: "I’d grown up playing these games, all of which were set in the magical kingdom of Halcydonia. Morrow’s games had transported me out of my grim surroundings as a lonely kid growing up in the stacks. They’d also taught me how to do math and solve puzzles while building my self-esteem. In a way, the Morrows were among my very first teachers." -Then, this odd paragraph drops: "For the next decade, Ogden and Kira enjoyed a peaceful, happy existence, living and working in relative seclusion. They tried to have children, but it wasn’t in the cards for them. They’d begun to consider adoption when, in the winter of 2034, Kira was killed in a car accident on an icy mountain road just a few miles from their home." I'm sorry, but what? This makes no sense. Halliday was born in 1972. If he was classmates with Morrow and Kira, they must be about the same age. That means that when Morrow and Kira left GSS in 2022, they'd already be about 50 years old. "They tried to have children" doesn't make any sense. A woman at age 50 with zero kids is almost certainly too old, and she's DEFINITELY too old at 62, which is the age Kira died at when "they'd begun to consider adoption." JFC at this shitty plotting. This is way worse than delusional 39-yo shrews who "definitely want kids." -Until the random TV appearance that Wade saw, Morrow's last TV appearance was shortly after Halliday's death. All he'd said is that he hadn't spoken to Halliday in years, had no idea where the egg was, and didn't know why Halliday had left him his entire collection of coin-operated arcade games (the only part of Halliday's fortune that went to anyone). He does give a hint that helps create gunter culture, though: "Jim always wanted everyone to share his obsessions, to love the same things he loved. I think this contest is his way of giving the entire world an incentive to do just that.” Boy, did he ever. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185485) Date: May 4th, 2019 10:54 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker God's work Charles lol at this horseshit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185559) Date: May 4th, 2019 11:19 AM Author: Crimson disturbing corner (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185620) Date: May 7th, 2019 4:32 PM Author: vigorous chartreuse generalized bond (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200893) Date: May 4th, 2019 11:06 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter this is unbelievably bad. It's like Cline is an alien who's never actually met a human being but learned about them from watching 80s TV reruns (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185592) Date: May 4th, 2019 11:39 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha And Cline wrote this *in his 40's*. Its not just that he writes like a teenager, he writes like a 2010's basement goon teenage who's never read anything more sophisticated than a YA novel (while namechecking lot's of classic SF books he apparently didn't pick up anything from) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185675) Date: May 4th, 2019 12:55 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185973) Date: May 4th, 2019 4:28 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker Yeah that’s one of the worst things about this. It might be kind of cool if he deftly referenced 80s pop culture while adding something of his own to it, but this literally feels like some geek repeatedly saying “hey guys remember this show/movie/video game? That was awesome” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38186992) Date: May 4th, 2019 8:12 PM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38187667) Date: May 6th, 2019 5:31 PM Author: wonderful fortuitous meteor (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195912) Date: May 4th, 2019 4:20 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38186955) Date: May 4th, 2019 11:26 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38188304) Date: May 5th, 2019 2:40 AM Author: Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry this is 180 c12 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38188743) Date: May 5th, 2019 7:54 AM Author: amber den friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38189096) Date: May 5th, 2019 2:00 PM Author: slimy library halford (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38190238) Date: May 6th, 2019 5:01 PM Author: orchid haunted graveyard step-uncle's house (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195726) Date: May 5th, 2019 5:15 PM Author: glittery swollen locus regret moar please (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38191103) Date: May 6th, 2019 8:56 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 12 Part 2 -After finishing his Morrow infodump, Wade opens his email, which reveals he's received more than 2 million new messages. Only two of them are from his authorized contact list, though, one from Aech and one from Art3mis (Does he really have no other friends? Actually, don't answer that). -Wade finally calls Aech, who congratulates him for a bit, and then reveals that he's also at the Tomb of Horrors, waiting for it to reset at midnight. Knowing that Wade was too poor to leave Ludus much, Aech deduced the Tomb must be there and then quickly made the same discovery Wade did. -Because of their pride as solos, Aech doesn't want Wade to help him (or vice versa), but Wade still gives him the tip to practice Joust while he waits. -While Wade has kept his avatar ID secret from everyone at school, Aech laments that several people in his private chatroom know that he and Wade are both students on Ludus. In particular, they groan that I-r0k will probably be telling everybody that he knows them and that they're students, which will cause the Copper Key's location to become more widely known. -After talking to Aech, Wade read's Art3mis's email, which is an utterly bland "haha wasn't that First Gate crazy" message: "Dear Parzival, Congrats! See? You’re famous now, just like I said. Although it looks like we’ve both been thrust into the limelight. Kinda scary, eh? Thanks for the tip about playing on the left side. You were right. Somehow, that did the trick. But don’t go thinking I owe you any favors, mister. :-) The First Gate was pretty wild, wasn’t it? Not at all what I expected. It would have been cool if Halliday had given me the option to play Ally Sheedy instead, but what can you do? This new riddle is a real head-scratcher, isn’t it? I hope it doesn’t take us another five years to decipher it. Anyhow, I just wanted to say that it was an honor to meet you. I hope our paths cross again soon. Sincerely, Art3mis ps—Enjoy being #1 while you can, pal. It won’t last for long." -Wade reads this message "grinning like a dopey schoolboy," then replies with his own bland message which he signs off with another fucking Star Wars reference: "Dear Art3mis, Congratulations to you, too. You weren’t kidding. Competition clearly brings out the best in you. You’re welcome for the tip about playing on the left. You totally owe me a favor now. ;-) The new riddle is a cinch. I think I’ve already got it figured out, actually. What’s the hold-up on your end? It was an honor to meet you, too. If you ever feel like hanging out in a chat room, let me know. MTFBWYA, [May The Force Be With You, Always] Parzival ps—Are you challenging me? Bring the pain, woman." -Wade notes that he re-wrote the above message "a few dozen times" before sending it. He tries to work on the Jade Key clue, but he can't focus because he's thinking constantly about Art3mis. The chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38193381) Date: May 6th, 2019 8:59 AM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut holy shit Wade is MPA (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38193387) Date: May 6th, 2019 5:08 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195759) Date: May 6th, 2019 5:42 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195967) Date: May 7th, 2019 9:03 AM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit lmao (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198639) Date: May 10th, 2019 2:46 PM Author: know-it-all address national security agency (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216271) Date: May 14th, 2019 4:13 PM Author: Tantric forum pisswyrm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38234333) Date: November 10th, 2019 1:29 PM Author: ungodly gay new version mental disorder (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#39097336) Date: May 6th, 2019 11:07 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker lol at this excruciating goonspeak working on any human female (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38193847) Date: May 11th, 2019 9:26 AM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon https://editorial01.shutterstock.com/wm-preview-1500/9478673cf/9ab833a4/warner-bros-pictures-world-premiere-of-ready-player-one-at-the-dolby-theatre-los-angeles-ca-usa-shutterstock-editorial-9478673cf.jpg (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38219429) Date: May 6th, 2019 10:30 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 13 Chapter 13 -Aech clears the First Gate early the next day, joining Art3mis and Wade at the top of the scoreboard. -Wade goes to school that day, fearing that if he skips it will raise suspicions (didn't he say he's at risk of getting expelled if he misses more days?). It doesn't matter, though. Interest in the Hunt is so high that apparently half the students and many teachers don't bother showing up: "Since everyone at school knew my avatar by the name Wade3, no one paid any attention to me. Roaming the halls unnoticed, I decided that I enjoyed having a secret identity. It made me feel like Clark Kent or Peter Parker." -I-r0k sends blackmail messages to Aech and Wade, warning that if they don't tell him how to find the Copper Key and FIrst Gate, he will reveal everything he knows about them publicly. They ignore him and he does precisely that. It takes a while for his posts to be noticed, though, as there are many FRAUDS claiming to know them and his claims get lost in the noise. -At least two people see his posts and connect the dots, though, as two more users named "Daito" and "Shoto" obtain the Copper Key simultaneously and then clear the First Gate. Daito and shoto are the long and short swords used by Japanese samurai, so the names imply they are working together somehow. It seems a little unlikely that both those names would be available for two people to claim when the OASIS is 30 years old by now, but w/e that's a nitpick. -Wade works a bit on the Jade Key clue, which is a good way to work in some references: "The captain conceals the Jade Key in a dwelling long neglected But you can only blow the whistle once the trophies are all collected "According to my English Lit textbook, a poem with four lines of text and an alternate-line rhyme scheme was known as a quatrain, so that became my nickname for the riddle. Each night after school, I logged out of the OASIS and filled the blank pages of my grail diary with possible interpretations of the Quatrain. "What “captain” was Anorak talking about? Captain Kangaroo? Captain America? Captain Buck Rogers in the twenty-fifth century? And where in the hell was this “dwelling long neglected”? That part of the clue seemed maddeningly nonspecific. Halliday’s boyhood home on Middletown couldn’t really be classified as “neglected,” but maybe he was talking about a different house in his hometown? That seemed too easy, and too close to the hiding place of the Copper Key. "At first, I thought the neglected dwelling might be a reference to Revenge of the Nerds, one of Halliday’s favorite films. In that movie, the nerds of the title rent a dilapidated house and fix it up (during a classic ’80s music montage). I visited a re-creation of the Revenge of the Nerds house on the planet Skolnick and spent a day searching it, but it proved to be a dead end. "The last two lines of the Quatrain were also a complete mystery. They seemed to say that once you found the neglected dwelling, you would have to collect a bunch of “trophies” and then blow some kind of whistle. Or did that line mean blow the whistle in the colloquial sense, as in “to reveal a secret or alert someone to a crime”? Either way, it didn’t make any sense to me. But I continued to go over each line, word by word, until my brain began to feel like Aquafresh toothpaste." -One day after school, Wade goes through his many many emails. A lot are the standard congratulations, death threats, or insane rants, but he also receives offers to join major clans (deleted), to buy the rights to his life story (refused), and to commercially endorse products: "An electronics retailer was interested in using my avatar to promote their line of OASIS immersion hardware so they could sell “Parzival-approved” haptic rigs, gloves, and visors. I also had offers from a pizza delivery chain, a shoe manufacturer, and an online store that sold custom avatar skins. There was even a toy company that wanted to manufacture a line of Parzival lunch boxes and action figures. These companies were offering to pay me in OASIS credits, which would be transferred directly to my avatar’s account. "I couldn’t believe my luck. I replied to every single one of the endorsement inquires, saying that I would accept their offers under the following conditions: I wouldn’t have to reveal my true identity, and I would only do business through my OASIS avatar. "I started receiving replies within the hour, with contracts attached. I couldn’t afford to have a lawyer look them over, but they all expired within a year’s time, so I just went ahead and signed them electronically [XO lawyers all have a stroke here] and e-mailed them back along with a three-dimensional model of my avatar, to be used for the commercials. I also received requests for an audio clip of my avatar’s voice, so I sent them a synthesized clip of a deep baritone that made me sound like one of those guys who did voice-overs for movie trailers." -Wade has also received no fewer than five thousand emails (one every minute) from IOI, the villainous company behind the Sixers. The message is from IOI head of operations Nolan Sorrento, who offers a "highly lucrative business proposition." He says Wade gets the first chance to respond, but if he declines IOI will make the same offer to the other users on the scoreboard: "My first impulse was to delete every single copy of the e-mail and pretend I’d never received it, but I changed my mind. I wanted to know exactly what IOI was going to offer. And I couldn’t pass up the chance to meet Nolan Sorrento, the Sixers’ infamous leader. There was no danger meeting with him via chatlink, as long as I was careful about what I said. "I considered teleporting to Incipio before my “interview,” to buy a new skin for my avatar. Maybe a tailored suit. Something flashy and expensive. But then I thought better of it. I had nothing to prove to that corporate asshat. After all, I was famous now. I would roll into the meeting wearing my default skin and a fuck-off attitude. I would listen to their offer, then tell them to kiss my simulated ass. Maybe I’d record the whole thing and post it on YouTube." -Before going to meet Sorrento, Wade gives his background: "He had a PhD in Computer Science. Prior to becoming head of operations at IOI, he’d been a high-profile game designer, overseeing the creation of several third-party RPGs that ran inside the OASIS. I’d played all of his games [between playing those hundreds of 80s and 90s games I guess], and they were actually pretty good. He’d been a decent coder, back before he sold his soul [Is being a top game designer in the 21st century really about coding? Isn't that basically grunt work?]. It was obvious why IOI had hired him to lead their lackeys. They figured a game designer would have the best chance of solving Halliday’s grand videogame puzzle. But Sorrento and the Sixers had been at it for over five years and still had nothing to show for their efforts. And now that gunter avatar names were appearing on the Scoreboard left and right, the IOI brass had to be freaking out. Sorrento was probably catching all kinds of heat from his superiors." -Wade opens the chat icon and the chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38193716) Date: May 6th, 2019 10:50 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha "“Parzival-approved” haptic rigs, gloves, and visors. I also had offers from a pizza delivery chain, a shoe manufacturer, and an online store that sold custom avatar skins. There was even a toy company that wanted to manufacture a line of Parzival lunch boxes and action figures. These companies were offering to pay me in OASIS credits, which would be transferred directly to my avatar’s account." Good thing to know that people living in trailers stacked on top of each other still have room and money for licensed consumer trash. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38193777) Date: May 6th, 2019 4:58 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195708) Date: May 6th, 2019 5:01 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler to be fair people living in trailers crammed next to each other have time and money to lease cars and buy WWE merch right now (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195724) Date: May 6th, 2019 5:11 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter "until my brain began to feel like Aquafresh toothpaste." I hope this one a Pulitzer (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195786) Date: May 6th, 2019 5:13 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195804) Date: May 6th, 2019 6:40 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker Yeah what the fuck is this, what’s he trying to convey with this simile and why throw out a random brand name while he’s at it? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38196306) Date: May 9th, 2019 11:14 AM Author: stirring fanboi Shit yeah I got that Cap’n Crunch phreaking whistle reference right away! *high fives* *more high fives* (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209964) Date: May 6th, 2019 10:46 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 14 Chapter 14 -As he connects to the chatlink, Wade materializes somewhere inside OASIS on either a space station or very large spaceship, overlooking a dozen OASIS planets. -Chatlinks, Wade explains, are like chat rooms but far more expensive to operate. Instead of having a separate location outside the OASIS, chatlinks allow a person to project an in-game hologram of themselves into another OASIS location. Chatlinks are mostly used for business purposes, to allow a company to host a meetup at a specific OASIS location without having to transport people there. -Sorrento walks in, "grinning like a jackal." As a perk of his position, his avatar looks like himself IRL rather than the standard Sixer look. He does wear the company uniform though: "a navy blue bodysuit with gold epaulettes at the shoulders." -Wade tries to record the proceedings, but recording functions are blocked: "So much for my plan to post the interview on YouTube." So, is YouTube still a distinct website outside the OASIS? Or do you simply search for videos while inside the OASIS (when presumably OASIS itself could just host them)? Or is there a YouTube planet? It seems a little odd that YouTube is literally the ONLY major part of 21st century tech that still seems to be relevant in the 2040s. -Wade shows his toughness by refusing to shake Sorrento's hand: "He extended a gloved right hand. 'Nolan Sorrento, chief of operations. It’s an honor to meet you.' "'Yeah,' I said, doing my best to sound aloof. 'Likewise, I guess.' Even as a chatlink projection, my avatar could still mime shaking his outstretched hand. Instead I just stared down at it as if he were offering me a dead rat. He dropped it after a few seconds, but his smile didn’t falter. It broadened." -Sorrento leads Wade's hologram projection to a shuttle, which will carry them from IOI's space station to their home base planet, IOI-1: "It reminded me of the killer floating spheres in the Phantasm films." Haven't seen those movies and don't get the reference? Too bad I guess. -To intimidate Wade, the shuttle orbits the planet, showing off IOI's vast armada of digital tanks, gunships, and spacecraft. Then, Sorrento has the shuttle go to three skyscrapers, replicas of their headquarters in Columbus, Ohio. Since GSS is also based in Columbus, the city has become a high-tech mecca, apparently spared the apocalyptic collapse that everywhere else has suffered: "Columbus was where an OASIS user could get the fastest, most reliable connection to the simulation. Most gunters dreamed of moving there someday, me included." -To impress/intimidate Wade, Sorrento shows off IOI's oology department. Hundreds of OASIS users are strapped into advanced haptic rigs. Using some clever tech, IOI has worked around the OASIS one-person-per-avatar rule, and made it so one avatar can be controlled by a bunch of other people (who can themselves hop from avatar to avatar). Not only that, Sorrento says, "All of our oologists are voice-linked to a support team, composed of Halliday scholars, videogame experts, pop-culture historians, and cryptologists. They all work together to help each of our avatars overcome any challenge and solve every puzzle they encounter.” The message is clear: IOI has all the resources they need, and they're going to win. -Wade isn't intimidated, so Sorrento moves on to his real offer: Wade can become his second-in-command, with a $2 million per year salary, plus a million dollar signing bonus and $25 million if he finds the Egg. -Wade rejects IOI's offer in a pretty absurd scene where he seems to do some Reddit user's idea of tough guy rhetoric. It's worth posting in full: "I leaned back and stared at the ceiling, pretending to consider the offer. Sorrento waited, watching me intently. I was about to give him my prepared answer when he raised a hand. “'Just listen to me a moment before you answer,' Sorrento said. 'I know most gunters cling to the absurd notion that IOI is evil. And that the Sixers are ruthless corporate drones with no honor and no respect for the ‘true spirit’ of the contest. That we’re all sellouts. Right?' "I nodded, barely resisting the urge to say 'That’s putting it mildly.' "'Well, that’s ridiculous,' he said, flashing an avuncular grin that I suspected was generated by whatever diplomacy software he was running. 'The Sixers are really no different than a Gunter clan, albeit a well-funded one. We share all the same obsessions as gunters. And we have the same goal.' What goal is that? I wanted to shout. To ruin the OASIS forever? To pervert and defile the only thing that has ever made our lives bearable? [I'm imagining a guy saying this during a screed bemoaning changes to World of Warcraft] "Sorrento seemed to take my silence as a cue that he should continue. 'You know, contrary to popular belief, the OASIS really won’t change that drastically when IOI takes control of it. Sure, we’ll have to start charging everyone a monthly user fee. And increase the sim’s advertising revenue. But we also plan to make a lot of improvements. Avatar content filters. Stricter construction guidelines. We’re going to make the OASIS a better place.' "No, I thought. You’re going to turn it into a fascist corporate theme park where the few people who can still afford the price of admission no longer have an ounce of freedom. I’d heard as much of this jerk’s sales pitch as I could stand. "'OK,' I said. 'Count me in. Sign me up. Whatever you guys call it. I’m in.' Sorrento looked surprised. This clearly wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting. He smiled wide and was about to offer me his hand again when I cut him off. "'But I have three minor conditions,' I said. 'First, I want a fifty-million-dollar bonus when I find the egg for you guys. Not twenty-five. Is that doable?' "He didn’t even hesitate. 'Done. What are your other conditions?' "'I don’t want to be second-in-command,' I said. 'I want your job, Sorrento. I want to be in charge of the whole shebang. Chief of operations. El Numero Uno. Oh, and I want everyone to have to call me El Numero Uno, too. Is that possible?' "My mouth seemed to be operating independent of my brain. I couldn’t help myself. "Sorrento’s smile had vanished. 'What else?' "'I don’t want to work with you.' I leveled a finger at him. 'You give me the creeps. But if your superiors are willing to fire your ass and give me your position, I’m in. It’s a done deal.' "Silence. Sorrento’s face was a stoic mask. He probably had certain emotions, like anger and rage, filtered out on his facial-recognition software. "'Could you check with your bosses and let me know if they’ll agree to that?' I asked. 'Or are they monitoring us right now? I’m betting they are.' I waved to the invisible cameras. "'Hi, guys! What do you say?' There was a long silence, during which Sorrento simply glared at me. 'Of course they’re monitoring us,' he said finally. 'And they’ve just informed me that they’re willing to agree to each of your demands.' He didn’t sound all that upset. "'Really?' I said. 'Great! When can I start? And more importantly, when can you leave?' “'Immediately,' he said. 'The company will prepare your contract and send it to your lawyer for approval. Then we—they will fly you here to Columbus to sign the paperwork and close the deal.' He stood. 'That should conclude—' "'Actually—' I held up a hand, cutting him off again. 'I’ve spent the last few seconds thinking this over a bit more, and I’m gonna have to pass on your offer. I think I’d rather find the egg on my own, thanks.' I stood up. 'You and the other Sux0rz can all go fuck a duck.'” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38197430) Date: May 7th, 2019 2:44 AM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut PWN PWN PWN (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198146) Date: May 7th, 2019 2:54 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler This is incredible. we need a final solution to the YA novel problem (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198150) Date: May 7th, 2019 8:40 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha I don't think RP1 is considered YA. It's 'adult'. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198582) Date: May 7th, 2019 11:37 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter I’m disappointed he didn’t yell out “PYSCHE” would’ve been very 80s (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199184) Date: May 7th, 2019 11:46 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha It's actually spelled "sike", as us real 80s kids know. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199227) Date: May 7th, 2019 11:56 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter I can just imagine the movie theater jumping up and cheering at this dramatic pause when he reverses and tells him to fuck a duck (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199280) Date: May 7th, 2019 9:42 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter holy shit what a BIG WILLY reversal there (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198727) Date: May 7th, 2019 10:11 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker Nice try Charles, but there’s no way this is real (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198831) Date: May 7th, 2019 11:02 AM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal TWIST: IOI fired up the engines to the plane to pick him up the second Sortoro said IOI accepts. A contract was formed and partial performance defeats statute of frauds. GAME OVER (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199044) Date: May 7th, 2019 11:07 AM Author: Comical Hominid even the synopsis is too cringe-inducing for me to finish. this is terrible, just terrible. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199074) Date: May 7th, 2019 12:31 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199393) Date: May 7th, 2019 1:54 PM Author: Effete location headpube this is incredible thank you for doing this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199738) Date: May 7th, 2019 2:52 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 14 Part 2 -After Wade rudely rejects their first offer, Sorrento makes a second one, offering Wade $5 million right now for a step-by-step guide on clearing the Copper Key and First Gate. Wade briefly considers, but then refuses again: "Can’t you take a hint? You can’t buy me. So piss off. Adios. Good. Bye." -After that, Sorrento makes his third offer: Help us, or we'll kill you: 'That’s right,' Sorrento barked [would he really bark this, like a shouted order?]. 'We know who you are. Wade Owen Watts. Born August twelfth, 2024. Both parents deceased. And we also know where you are. You reside with your aunt, in a trailer park located at 700 Portland Avenue in Oklahoma City. Unit 56-K, to be exact. According to our surveillance team, you were last seen entering your aunt’s trailer three days ago and you haven’t left since. Which means you’re still there right now.' "A vidfeed window opened directly behind him, displaying a live video image of the stacks where I lived. It was an aerial view, maybe being shot from a plane or a satellite. From this angle, they could only monitor the trailer’s two main exits. So they hadn’t seen me leave through the laundry room window each morning, or return through it each night. They didn’t know I was actually in my hideout right now. ... "'Your first instinct right now might be to log out and make a run for it,' Sorrento said. 'I urge you not to make that mistake. Your trailer is currently wired with a large quantity of high explosives.' He pulled something that looked like a remote control out of his pocket and held it up. “And my finger is on the detonator. If you log out of this chatlink session, you will die within a few seconds. Do you understand what I’m saying to you, Mr. Watts?' -Sorrento reveals that finding Wade's identity was easy; they just bribed some scandalously underpaid OASIS school admins for his enrollment records. He shows a profile with all of Wade's personal information, including his Social Security number (apparently Social Security is still operating in the post-apocalyptic hellscape). Then, he makes his final offer: "'So, that brings me to our final proposal.' Sorrento rubbed his hands together excitedly [really?], like a kid about to open a present. 'Tell us how to reach the First Gate. Right now. Or we will kill you. Right now.'" -Wade suggests IOI is bluffing, and Sorrento assures him they are not, with a short screed that says a lot about Wade's world: "'No, Wade. I’m not. Think about it. With everything else that’s going on in the world, do you think anyone will care about an explosion in some ghetto-trash rat warren in Oklahoma City? They’ll assume it was a drug-lab accident. Or maybe a domestic terrorist cell trying to build a homemade bomb. Either way, it will just mean there are a few hundred less human cockroaches out there collecting food vouchers and using up precious oxygen. No one will care. And the authorities won’t even blink.'" -Sorrento says that if Wade helps them complete the First Gate, they'll still pay him the $5 million. But Wade decides that they must be bluffing, or planning to kill him no matter what, and he rejects their offer. He logs out, and IOI promptly blows up his stack and several adjacent ones, while others topple similar to dominoes. Hundreds are killed. As Wade leaves his hideout to observe the devastation, he sees people trying to fight the resulting fires with "garden hoses, buckets, empty Big Gulp cups, and whatever else they could find." -Wade watches the situation briefly, and then flees back to his hideout, fearing that IOI may have agents lurking about to make sure he's dead. He also gives up surprisingly quickly on the idea of fingering IOI for the attack: "Eventually, the shock began to wear off, and the reality of what had just happened started to sink in. My aunt Alice and her boyfriend Rick were dead, along with everyone who had lived in our trailer, and in the trailers below and around it. Including sweet old Mrs. Gilmore. And if I had been at home, I would be dead now too. "I was jacked up on adrenaline, unsure of what to do next, overcome by a paralyzing mixture of fear and rage. I thought about logging into the OASIS to call the police, but then considered how they would react when I told them my story. They’d think I was a raving nut job. And if I called the media, they’d react the same way. There was no way anyone would believe my story. Not unless I revealed that I was Parzival, and maybe not even then. I didn’t have a shred of proof against Sorrento and the Sixers. All traces of the bomb they’d planted were probably melting into slag right now. Revealing my identity to the world so that I could accuse one of the world’s most powerful corporations of blackmail and murder didn’t seem like the smartest move. No one would believe me." -A few thoughts there: First, I guess Mrs. Gilmore really was a one-off character who was only put in to add a tiny bit of emotional weight to all those people getting killed. Second, I feel that the death of literally HUNDREDS of people probably would get at least a cursory police investigation, and they'd be able to distinguish between a meth lab fire and a deliberate demolition, but hey, it's Cline's world, not mine. I do feel like this world has a very unstable level of shittiness throughout the narrative though. Early on, it was nuclear war and mass starvation, later on it was "rolling blackouts and not too many jobs," and now it's back to "things are so bad hundreds of people dying is nbd." -The chapter ends with Wade resolving to speak to Aech as soon as possible, and then get the heck out of Oklahoma City before IOI realizes he's still alive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200120) Date: May 7th, 2019 3:14 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker seems like it would have been easier and a little more "low-profile" to just kidnap and interrogate the nerd if they knew his identity and location imo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200271) Date: May 7th, 2019 3:17 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Or have him quietly killed, which police will blame on the local drug dealers and pedophiles who apparently stalk the stacks daily. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200311) Date: May 7th, 2019 4:28 PM Author: Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry no, no, waterboarding this fat unathletic neckbeard would surely not have yielded any information. he is a rock. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200858) Date: May 7th, 2019 4:33 PM Author: Comical Hominid (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200900) Date: May 7th, 2019 5:08 PM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38201191) Date: May 7th, 2019 8:25 PM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit rule #1 in the dog eat dog profit worshiping corporate world: when u have the opportunity to blow a postmodern highrise to smithereens u take the shot no matter whether doing so undermines ur core corporate strategy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38202183) Date: May 8th, 2019 12:38 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 15 Chapter 15 -Wade logs back into the OASIS. He pops up on Ludus, where an army of Sixers are now scouring the planet. Wade comments that with so many ships flying about, "it looked like an alien invasion." I'm honestly shocked he didn't find a way to squeeze a reference in there. "It looked like Empire assaulting Hoth," maybe. Very sloppy, Cline. -Wade calls Aech, who laments that I-r0k is clearly to blame for the Sixers arriving on Ludus. Wade tells him everything that has happened, but mercifully this simply happens without repeating all of it. -Wade hasn't really shown too much sadness about everybody he knows being murdered, so Cline belatedly has Wade be very sad about Mrs. Gilmore: "'What about your family?' "'It was my aunt’s place. She’s dead, I think. We … we weren’t very close.' This was a huge understatement, of course. My aunt Alice had never shown me much kindness, but she still hadn’t deserved to die. But most of the wrenching guilt I now felt had to do with Mrs. Gilmore, and the knowledge that my actions had gotten her killed. She was one of the sweetest people I’d ever known. I realized that I was sobbing.I muted my audio so Aech wouldn’t hear, then took several deep breaths until I got myself under control again." -Wade warns Aech that IOI will come after him too, but Aech registered for school under a fake name (so...can he even graduate?), and he says he has no fixed address, so he's fine. Aech then proposes a meetup of the five people to have cleared the First Gate, and Wade agrees. -At midnight Art3mis, Daito, and Shoto all arrive at Aech's chatroom. Art3mis observes Aech's 80s decorations (which, given the global 80s obsession of this book, should be pretty common) and remarks that this is "by far, the coolest chat room I’ve ever seen." As a reminder, at the start of the book the room was described this way: "He’d programmed it to look like a large suburban rec room, circa the late 1980s. Old movie and comic book posters covered the wood-paneled walls. A vintage RCA television stood in the center of the room, hooked up to a Betamax VCR, a LaserDisc player, and several vintage videogame consoles. Bookshelves lined the far wall, filled with role-playing game supplements and back issues of Dragon magazine." Oddly, though, Cline now retcons the room. While at the start it was just "a large suburban rec room" inspired by the 80s, Art3mis now comments that it's a perfect replica of Ogden Morrow's own basement, which I guess is the platonic basement ideal now. She comments that Aech got "every last detail" right, so along with memorizing entire movies like Wade, I guess she's also memorized the layout of a famous basement. -Wade angsts: "They really seemed to be hitting it off, and it was making me crazy jealous. I didn’t want Art3mis to like Aech, or vice versa. I wanted her all to myself." -Daito and Shoto arrive. As their names suggested, they both arrive with avatars that look Japanese, and are decked out in samurai armor. They also look like two brothers, with one about 18 and the other about 13. They took only three years to decipher Halliday's super-difficult clue and realize that the "tomb full of horrors" was the Tomb of Horrors. They'd spent two years searching for it on "dozens" of planets but only realized to look on Ludus when I-r0k made his dumb forum posts. -Art3mis has apparently set up a virtual camera near the Copper Key, so she shows live footage of the Sixers surrounding the Tomb of Horrors. Since Ludus is a no-PVP zone, the Sixers can't kill avatars that approach the tomb, but instead they've put up two layers of forcefields to block access. Daito and Shoto reveal that if multiple people enter the Jousting room, multiple machines will appear, meaning IOI can quickly have dozens or even hundreds of their employees obtain the Key. -BTW, Daito and Shoto behave like paper-thin Japanese stereotypes. The bow a bunch, and when Wade reveals that the Sixers can cheat the one-person-per-avatar system, Daito laments that "The Sixers have no honor." -The conversation is going along in a very friendly, convivial manner when it suddenly collapses into a contrived fight because Aech suddenly becomes an asshole: Aech kicked the coffee table in frustration. 'This isn’t even remotely fair,' he said. 'The Sixers have a huge advantage over all of us. They’ve got an endless supply of money, weapons, vehicles, and avatars. There are thousands of them, all working together.' "'Right,' I said. 'And each of us is on our own. Well, except for you two.' I nodded at Daito and Shoto. 'But you know what I mean. They’ve got us outnumbered and outgunned, and that isn’t going to change anytime soon.' "'What are you suggesting?' Daito asked. He suddenly sounded uneasy. "''I’m not suggesting anything,' I said. 'I’m just stating the facts, as I see them.' "'Good,' Daito replied. 'Because it sounded like you were about to propose some sort of alliance between the five of us.' "Aech studied him carefully. 'So? Would that be such a terrible idea?' 'Yes, it would,' Daito said curtly. 'My brother and I hunt alone. We don’t want or need your help.' "'Oh really?' Aech said. 'A second ago, you admitted needing Parzival’s help to find the Tomb of Horrors.' Daito’s eyes narrowed. 'We would have found it on our own eventually.' "'Right,' Aech said. 'It probably would have only taken you another five years.' "'Come on, Aech,' I said, stepping between them. 'This isn’t helping.' Aech and Daito glared at each other in silence, while Shoto stared up at his brother uncertainly. Art3mis just stood back and watched, looking somewhat amused. "'We didn’t come here to be insulted,' Daito said finally. 'We’re leaving.' "'Hold on, Daito,' I said. 'Just wait a second, will you? Let’s just talk this out. We shouldn’t part as enemies. We’re all on the same side here.' 'No,' Daito said. 'We’re not. You’re all strangers to us. For all we know, any one of you could be a Sixer spy.'" -So anyway, Daito and Shoto storm off, but then abruptly Aech adopts the position they'd taken to keep fighting with Art3mis and Wade. In fact, on literally the same page where he asks "would [teaming up] be such a terrible idea?," Aech also says "there’s no point in discussing an alliance." Real coherent mindset, guys. -Art3mis leaves as well, and then Aech starts ribbing Wade about his crush, while calling Art3mis "super cute." To change the subject, Wade trolls Aech about...vocabulary: "'So, have you had any luck with the new riddle?' I said, deliberately changing the subject. 'That quatrain about the Jade Key?' "'Quatrain?' "'A poem or stanza with four lines and an alternating rhyme scheme,' I recited. 'It’s called a quatrain.' Aech rolled his eyes. 'You’re too much, man.' "'What? That’s the proper term for it, asshead!' -As Wade is about to leave, a pile of comics in the corner of Aech's chatroom collapses. That's not normal for the OASIS. Is it some invisible spy? A glitch? Neither of them know, but I imagine it will be some Epic Twist later. -As this boring chapter ends, Wade and Aech part ways with a reference. "We bumped fists again, like the Wonder Twins activating their powers." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38203443) Date: May 8th, 2019 8:20 AM Author: amber den friendly grandma Lmao at filthy casuals who don't memorize the layouts of famous basements. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38204113) Date: May 8th, 2019 10:17 AM Author: Comical Hominid (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38204455) Date: May 8th, 2019 11:40 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38204901) Date: May 8th, 2019 8:40 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 16 Chapter 16 -A few hours later, the scoreboard starts to fill up with IOI avatar names, beginning with Sorrento's avatar. Wade assumes he cheated his way through the challenges using IOI's avatar-sharing tech. Within a day, sixty more IOI avatars clear the First Gate. -Meanwhile, word spreads and thousands of gunters begin teleporting to Ludus. They cause so much tumult that the OASIS public schools abandon the planet for a new identical one constructed next door, Ludus 2 (okay, I genuinely found this funny). Classes resume on Ludus 2 while gunters and IOI battle over the shell of the old planet. -Ludus is a no-PVP zone, but the planet still becomes a war zone. Cline relishes in the details of the digital battle: "All of the large gunter clans immediately banded together to launch a full-scale assault on the Sixers’ force field, trying everything they could think of to bring it down or circumvent it. The Sixers had installed teleportation disruptors, which prevented anyone from transporting inside the force field via technological means. They had also stationed a team of high-level wizards around the tomb. These magic users cast spells around the clock, keeping the entire area encased in a temporary null-magic zone. This prevented the force fields from being bypassed by any magical means. "The clans began to bombard the outer force field with rockets, missiles, nukes, and harsh language. They laid siege to the tomb all night, but the following morning, both force fields remained intact. "In desperation, the clans decided to break out the heavy artillery. They pooled their resources and purchased two very expensive, very powerful antimatter bombs on eBay [OASIS doesn't have its own shop for buying these things?] "They detonated both of them in sequence, just a few seconds apart. The first bomb took down the outer shield, and the second bomb finished the job. The moment the second force field went down, thousands of gunters (all unharmed by the bomb blasts, due to the no-PvP zone) swarmed into the tomb and clogged the corridors of the dungeon below. Soon, thousands of gunters (and Sixers) had crammed into the burial chamber, all ready to challenge the lich king to a game of Joust. Multiple copies of the king appeared, one for every avatar who set foot on the dais. Ninety-five percent of the gunters who challenged him lost and were then killed. But a few gunters were successful, and at the bottom of the Scoreboard, listed after the High Five and the dozens of IOI employee numbers, new avatar names began to appear. Within a few days, the list of avatars on the Scoreboard was over a hundred names long." -The following day, the murder of literally hundreds of people's in Wade's stack merits "a brief story about it on one of the local newsfeeds." Apparently, the Sixers have planted evidence to make it look like a meth lab exploded, and it works. The police almost immediately stop investigating. -Wade ditches Oklahoma City for good. With his endorsement money, he buys a one-way bus ticket to Columbus. The bus sounds like...something else: "It was a double-decker, with armor plating, bulletproof windows, and solar panels on the roof. A rolling fortress. I had a window seat, two rows behind the driver, who was encased in a bulletproof Plexiglas box. A team of six heavily armed guards rode on the bus’s upper deck, to protect the vehicle and its passengers in the event of a hijacking by road agents or scavengers—a distinct possibility once we ventured out into the lawless badlands that now existed outside of the safety of large cities." If the rural areas of America are that dangerous, how is it even possible to sustain such heavily-populated urban areas? Wouldn't maintaining consistent food supplies be incredibly difficult? -It takes Wade several days to reach Columbus, due to the decaying interstate highways. As he travels, he stays jacked into the OASIS (wireless Internet infrastructure hasn't suffered the damage everything else has, I guess) and buys a new identity on the black market: "My new status as a world-famous gunter gave me all kinds of underworld credibility, which helped me get access to a highly exclusive illegal data-auction site known as the L33t Hax0rz Warezhaus [what], and for a shockingly small amount of money, I was able to purchase a series of access procedures and passwords for the USCR (United States Citizen Registry) database. Using these, I was able to log into the database and access my existing citizen profile, which had been created when I enrolled for school. I deleted my fingerprints and retinal patterns, then replaced them with those of someone deceased (my father) [I guess they were lying around?]. Then I copied my own fingerprints and retinal patterns into a completely new identity profile that I'd created, under the name Bryce Lynch. I made Bryce twenty-two years old and gave him a brand-new Social Security number, an immaculate credit rating, and a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science. When I wanted to become my old self again, all I had to do was delete the Lynch identity and copy my prints and retinal patterns back over to my original file." -Despite being in the single most-desirable city in the country, Wade is able to get a cheap efficiency apartment in downtown. It's basically paradise for him: "Each unit had been modified to meet the very specific needs of a full-time gunter. It had everything I wanted. Low rent, a high-end security system, and steady, reliable access to as much electricity as I could afford. Most important, it offered a direct fiber-optic connection to the main OASIS server vault, which was located just a few miles away. This was the fastest and most secure type of Internet connection available, and since it wasn’t provided by IOI or one of its subsidiaries, I wouldn’t have to be paranoid about them monitoring my connection or trying to trace my location. I would be safe." -Cline describes his arrival in Columbus with, shockingly, a non-80s reference: "Finally, after it felt like we’d been crawling along the highway for months, the Columbus skyline appeared on the horizon, glittering like Oz at the end of the yellow brick road. We arrived around sunset, and already there were more electric lights burning in the city than I’d ever seen at one time. I’d read that giant solar arrays were positioned throughout the city, along with two heliostat power plants on its outskirts. They drank in the sun’s power all day, stored it, and fed it back out each night." -Upon arrival, Wade hails an "autocab," which has to navigate some busy streets full of traffic. Columbus is so prosperous that it's been spared the total collapse of car culture everywhere else. -Wade arrives at his apartment, checks in, and makes a solemn vow: "There was no furniture in the cube-shaped room, and only one window. I stepped inside, closed the door, and locked it behind me. Then I made a silent vow not to go outside again until I had completed my quest. I would abandon the real world altogether until I found the egg." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38207585) Date: May 8th, 2019 8:45 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler Apparently, the Sixers have planted evidence to make it look like a meth lab exploded, and it works. The police almost immediately stop investigating. https://www.invidio.us/watch?v=OY-9P_CnNZg (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38207608) Date: May 9th, 2019 10:23 AM Author: Comical Hominid This sounds almost like a normal novel for a chapter. I found your summary readable and somewhat interesting. Is the book starting to become more narrative focused and less reference-based? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209788) Date: May 9th, 2019 10:41 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook There definitely wasn’t as much to make fun of this chapter. Very few references, so the only cringe bits are his unsteady worldbuilding and the paradise of being a perpetual shut-in. We just finished Part 1, though, and are about halfway through, so we’ll see how the book transitions in the second half. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209850) Date: May 9th, 2019 10:35 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter this makes it sound like some bizarro version of Canticle for Liebowitz. nuclear war, breakdown of society, team of devoted mystics seeking to find ancient knowledge lost to the ages (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209825) Date: May 9th, 2019 10:55 AM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal Your posts ITT are now the highlight of my day. JFC (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209891) Date: May 10th, 2019 8:49 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Thank (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38214688) Date: May 10th, 2019 12:50 PM Author: stirring fanboi (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215777) Date: May 10th, 2019 2:54 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216307) Date: May 9th, 2019 11:03 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Shower thought: In a time of severe energy crisis and widespread violence, how is a building with high-level security and unlimited electricity “low rent?” Also he says it’s catered to full-time gunters; if that’s the case why is the high-level security so important? It matters to Wade because IOI may try to murder him. But a full-time gunter presumably has very few real-world possessions of note, so would they need a ton of security? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209916) Date: May 9th, 2019 11:05 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter if you want to give him far more credit than he deserves, it's a metacommentary on world-building in video games and movies, where the protagonist always happens to meet just the right person to move the plot along; an armory appears when he needs a sword; the wizard joins his party just at the moment the bad guys are getting more difficult, etc etc etc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209923) Date: May 9th, 2019 11:16 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Personally I like Snow Crash's solution to the cyberpunk housing crisis where self-storage units were being openly rented out as residential units. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209973) Date: May 9th, 2019 11:30 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 17 Chapter 17 -And we're into part 2! We have a small sign of hope for this book, as this part opens with this quote from Groucho Marx: "I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal." -Aaaaaaand then the chapter opens with an online chat between Parzival and Art3mis. Fuck it, let's post the whole thing: Art3mis: You there? Parzival: Yes! Hey! I can’t believe you finally responded to one of my chat requests. Art3mis: Only to ask you to cut it out. It’s a bad idea for us to start chatting. Parzival: Why? I thought we were friends. Art3mis: You seem like a great guy. But we’re competitors. Rival gunters. Sworn enemies. You know the drill. Parzival: We don’t have to talk about anything related to the Hunt.… Art3mis: Everything is related to the Hunt. Parzival: Come on. At least give it at shot. Let’s start over. Hi, Art3mis! How have you been? Art3mis: Fine. Thanks for asking. You? Parzival: Outstanding. Listen, why are we using this ancient text-only chat interface? I can host a virtual chat room for us. Art3mis: I prefer this. Parzival: Why? Art3mis: As you may recall, I tend to ramble in real time. When I have to type out everything I want to say, I come off as less of a flibbertigibbet. Parzival: I don’t think you’re a flibbertigibbet. You’re enchanting. Art3mis: Did you just use the word “enchanting”? Parzival: What I typed is right there in front of you, isn’t it? Art3mis: That’s very sweet. But you’re full of crap. Parzival: I am totally and completely serious. Art3mis: So, how’s life at the top of the Scoreboard, hotshot? Sick of being famous yet? Parzival: I don’t feel famous. Art3mis: Are you kidding? The whole world is dying to find out who you really are. You’re a rock star, man. Parzival: You’re just as famous as I am. And if I’m such a rock star, how come the media always portrays me as some unwashed geek who never goes outside? Art3mis: I take it you saw that SNL skit they did about us? Parzival: Yes. Why does everyone assume I’m an antisocial nut job? Art3mis: You’re not antisocial? Parzival: No! Maybe. OK, yes. But I have excellent personal hygiene. [FACT CHECK: ] Art3mis: At least they got your gender correct. Everyone thinks I’m a man in real life. Parzival: That’s because most gunters are male, and they can’t accept the idea that a woman has beaten and/or outsmarted them. [Oh ho! Wade isn't one of THOSE guys] Art3mis: I know. Neanderthals. Parzival: So you’re telling me, definitively, that you are a female? IRL? Art3mis: You should have already figured that out on your own, Clouseau. [Wow these gunters had time to watch Pink Panther? That's a 60s movie] Parzival: I did. I have. Art3mis: Have you? Parzival: Yes. After analyzing the available data, I’ve concluded that you must be a female. Art3mis: Why must I? Parzival: Because I don’t want to find out that I’ve got a crush on some 300 lb. dude named Chuck who lives in his mother’s basement in suburban Detroit. [Wait, at the start of the book he said the suburbs disintegrated from the energy crisis] Art3mis: You’ve got a crush on me? Parzival: You should have already figured that out on your own, Clouseau. Art3mis: What if I were a 300 lb. gal named Charlene, who lives in her mom’s basement in suburban Detroit? Would you still have a crush on me then? Parzival: I don’t know. Do you live in your mother’s basement? Art3mis: No. Parzival: Yeah. Then I probably still would. [Cline's wife: https://editorial01.shutterstock.com/wm-preview-1500/9478673cf/9ab833a4/warner-bros-pictures-world-premiere-of-ready-player-one-at-the-dolby-theatre-los-angeles-ca-usa-shutterstock-editorial-9478673cf.jpg ] Art3mis: So I’m supposed to believe you’re one of those mythical guys who only cares about a woman’s personality, and not about the package it comes in? Parzival: Why is it that you assume I’m a man? Art3mis: Please. It’s obvious. I get nothing but boy-vibes coming from you. Parzival: Boy-vibes? What, do I use masculine sentence structure or something? Art3mis: Don’t change the subject. You were saying you have a crush on me? Parzival: I’ve had a crush on you since before we even met. From reading your blog and watching your POV. I’ve been cyber-stalking you for years. [damn, what a CHAD] Art3mis: But you still don’t really know anything about me. Or my real personality. Parzival: This is the OASIS. We exist as nothing but raw personality in here. Art3mis: I beg to differ. Everything about our online personas is filtered through our avatars, which allows us to control how we look and sound to others. The OASIS lets you be whoever you want to be. That’s why everyone is addicted to it. Parzival: So, IRL, you’re nothing like the person I met that night in the tomb? Art3mis: That was just one side of me. The side I chose to show you. Parzival: Well, I liked that side. And if you showed me your other sides, I’m sure I’d like those, too. Art3mis: You say that now. But I know how these things work. Sooner or later, you’ll demand to see a picture of the real me. Parzival: I’m not the sort who makes demands. Besides, I’m definitely not going to show you a photo of me. Art3mis: Why? Are you butt ugly? Parzival: You’re such a hypocrite! Art3mis: So? Answer the question, Claire. [I guess this is a Breakfast Club reference?] Are you ugly? Parzival: I must be. Art3mis: Why? Parzival: The female of the species has always found me repellent. [Damn this guy is worse than me] Art3mis: I don’t find you repellent. Parzival: Of course not. That’s because you’re an obese man named Chuck who likes to chat up ugly young boys online. Art3mis: So you’re a young man? Parzival: Relatively young. Art3mis: Relative to what? Parzival: To a fifty-three-year-old guy like you, Chuck. Does your mom let you live in that basement rent-free or what? Art3mis: Is that really what you’re picturing? Parzival: If it were, I wouldn’t be chatting with you right now. Art3mis: So what do you imagine I look like, then? Parzival: Like your avatar, I suppose. Except, you know, without the armor, guns, or glowing sword. Art3mis: You’re kidding, right? That’s the first rule of online romances, pal. No one ever looks anything like their avatar. Parzival: Are we going to have an online romance? <crosses fingers> Art3mis: No way, ace. Sorry. Parzival: Why not? Art3mis: No time for love, Dr. Jones. My cyber-porn addiction eats up most of my free time. [Finally some honesty] And searching for the Jade Key takes up the rest. That’s what I should be doing right now, in fact. Parzival: Yeah. So should I. But talking to you is more fun. Art3mis: How about you? Parzival: How about me what? Art3mis: Do you have time for an online romance? Parzival: I’ve got time for you. Art3mis: You’re too much. Parzival: I’m not even laying it on thick yet. Art3mis: Do you have a job? Or are you still in high school? Parzival: High school. I graduate next week. Art3mis: You shouldn’t reveal stuff like that! I could be a Sixer spy trying to profile you. Parzival: The Sixers already profiled me, remember? They blew up my house. Well, it was a trailer. But they blew it up. Art3mis: I know. I’m still freaked out about that. I can only imagine how you feel. Parzival: Revenge is a dish best served cold. Art3mis: Bon appetit. What do you do when you’re not hunting? Parzival: I refuse to answer any more questions until you start reciprocating. Art3mis: Fine. Quid pro quo, Dr. Lecter. We’ll take turns asking questions. Go ahead. Parzival: Do you work, or go to school? Art3mis: College. Parzival: Studying what? Art3mis: It’s my turn. What do you do when you’re not hunting? Parzival: Nothing. Hunting is all I do. I’m hunting right now, in fact. Multitasking all over the goddamn place. Art3mis: Same here. Parzival: Really? I’ll keep an eye on the Scoreboard then. Just in case. Art3mis: You do that, ace. Parzival: What are you studying? In college? Art3mis: Poetry and Creative Writing. [Very brave when the economy is tanked and a useful credential would be immensely valuable!] Parzival: That makes sense. You’re a fantastic writer. [Citation needed] Art3mis: Thanks for the compliment. How old are you? Parzival: Just turned 18 last month. You? Art3mis: Don’t you think we’re getting a little too personal now? Parzival: Not even remotely. Art3mis: 19. Parzival: Ah. An older woman. Hot. Art3mis: That is, if I am a woman … Parzival: Are you a woman? Art3mis: It’s not your turn. Parzival: Fine. Art3mis: How well do you know Aech? Parzival: He’s been my best friend for five years. Now, spill it. Are you a woman? And by that I mean are you a human female who has never had a sex-change operation? [Whoah, that's NOT okay. Trans women ARE women, bigot] Art3mis: That’s pretty specific. Parzival: Answer the question, Claire. Art3mis: I am, and always have been, a human female. Have you ever met Aech IRL? Parzival: No. Do you have any siblings? Art3mis: No. You? Parzival: Nope. You got parents? Art3mis: They died. The flu. So I was raised by my grandparents. You got parentage? Parzival: No. Mine are dead too. Art3mis: It kinda sucks, doesn’t it? Not having your parents around. Parzival: Yeah. But a lot of people are worse off than me. Art3mis: I tell myself that all the time. So … are you and Aech working as a duo? Parzival: Oh, here we go.… Art3mis: Well? Are you? Parzival: No. He asked me the same thing about you and me, you know. Because you cleared the First Gate a few hours after I did. Art3mis: Which reminds me—why did you give me that tip? About changing sides on the Joust game? Parzival: I felt like helping you. Art3mis: Well, you shouldn’t make that mistake again. Because I’m the one who’s going to win. You do realize that, right? Parzival: Yeah, yeah. We’ll see. Art3mis: You’re not holding up your end of our Q & A, goof. You’re, like, five questions behind. Parzival: Fine. What color is your hair? IRL? Art3mis: Brunette. Parzival: Eyes? Art3mis: Blue. Parzival: Just like your avatar, eh? Do you have the same face and body, too? Art3mis: As far as you know. Parzival: OK. What’s your favorite movie? Of all time? Art3mis: It changes. Right now? Probably Highlander. Parzival: You’ve got great taste, lady. Art3mis: I know. I have a thing for evil bald bad guys. The Kurgan is too sexy. Parzival: I’m going to shave my head right now. And start wearing leather. Art3mis: Send photos. Listen, I gotta go in a few minutes, Romeo. You can ask me one last question. Then I need to get some sleep. Parzival: When can we chat again? Art3mis: After one of us finds the egg. Parzival: That could take years. Art3mis: So be it. Parzival: Can I at least keep e-mailing you? Art3mis: Not a good idea. Parzival: You can’t stop me from e-mailing you. Art3mis: Actually, I can. I can block you on my contact list. Parzival: You wouldn’t do that, though. Would you? Art3mis: Not if you don’t force me to. Parzival: Harsh. Unnecessarily harsh. Art3mis: Good night, Parzival. Parzival: Farewell, Art3mis. Sweet dreams. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38213626) Date: May 10th, 2019 9:06 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha No way I'm reading that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38214710) Date: May 10th, 2019 11:20 AM Author: Talking heady national You made the right decision (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215335) Date: May 10th, 2019 11:21 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook This is not TCR (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215340) Date: May 10th, 2019 11:26 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215353) Date: May 10th, 2019 9:14 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter This is a verbatim transcript of an AOL chat between clines and his then-gf circa 2001 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38214733) Date: May 10th, 2019 1:44 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler the 300 lb comment had to be appropriated from IRL (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215984) Date: May 10th, 2019 11:04 AM Author: Crimson disturbing corner "Parzival: This is the OASIS. We exist as nothing but raw personality in here." Like XO? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215234) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:28 PM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut She likes baldmos, your should go for her charles (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216494) Date: May 10th, 2019 12:22 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 17 Part 2 -And from that boring chat session, a great romance is born. Weekly emails escalate to daily, deeply personal ones, followed by private chat-room meetups. Wade and Art3mis play board games, watch movies, listen to music. Their relationship blossoms. Mercifully, this time, Wade simply tells instead of shows: "We talked for hours. Long, rambling conversations about everything under the sun. Spending time with her was intoxicating. We seemed to have everything in common. We shared the same interests. We were driven by the same goal. She got all of my jokes. She made me laugh. She made me think. She changed the way I saw the world. I’d never had such a powerful, immediate connection with another human being before." -Wade graduates from high school in June, several months after finding the Key. He says he stopped going to class entirely the day he fled the stacks, and apparently this was completely fine, even though earlier Wade said that attendance matters and he was at risk of being expelled. Also, if Wade doesn't need to show up at all because "I already had more than enough credits to receive my diploma," and it's much better to focus on gunting, why the heck was he attending classes at all? Was it just because Cline needed him to be in Latin Class to justify the realization that led him to the key? -Wade also decides to level up his avatar to level 99. Previously, it took him years to gain just two levels, but now with more money and time it's easy, and he gets to 99 in just a few weeks by completing quests and stuff. "Art3mis and I even teamed up for a few quests. We visited the planet Goondocks and finished the entire Goonies quest in just one day. Arty played through it as Martha Plimpton’s character, Stef, while I played as Mikey, Sean Astin’s character. It was entirely too much fun." -Wade keeps working hard at his...research: "For a while, I thought that the whistle in the third line [of the Jade Key clue] might be a reference to a late-’60s Japanese TV show called The Space Giants, which had been dubbed in English and rebroadcast in the United States in the ’70s and ’80s. The Space Giants (called Maguma Taishi in Japan) featured a family of transforming robots who lived in a volcano and battled an evil alien villain named Rodak. Halliday referred to this show several times in Anorak’s Almanac, citing it as one of his childhood favorites. One of the show’s main characters was a boy named Miko, who would blow a special whistle to summon the robots to his aid. I watched all fifty-two ultra-cheesy episodes of The Space Giants, back-to-back, while wolfing down corn chips and taking notes. But when the viewing marathon was over, I still wasn’t any closer to understanding the Quatrain’s meaning. I’d hit another dead end. I decided that Halliday must be referring to some other whistle." -Wade finally has a breakthrough on the clue, not by doing any real puzzle work, but by just getting another reference: "I was watching a collection of vintage ’80s cereal commercials when I paused to wonder why cereal manufacturers no longer included toy prizes inside every box. It was a tragedy, in my opinion. Another sign that civilization was going straight down the tubes. I was still pondering this when an old Cap’n Crunch commercial came on, and that was when I made a connection between the first and third lines of the Quatrain: "The captain conceals the Jade Key … But you can only blow the whistle … "Halliday was alluding to a famous ’70s hacker named John Draper, better known by the alias Captain Crunch. Draper was one of the first phone phreaks, and he was famous for discovering that the toy plastic whistles found as prizes in boxes of Cap’n Crunch cereal could be used to make free long-distance phone calls, because they emitted a 2600-hertz tone that tricked the old analog phone system into giving you free access to the line. "The captain conceals the Jade Key." That had to be it. “The captain” was Cap’n Crunch, and “the whistle” was the famous toy plastic whistle of phone phreak lore." -Wade still struggles with the rest of the clue, though. Where is the "dwelling long neglected?" It's a hard search: "I visited every neglected dwelling I could think of. Re-creations of the Addams Family house, the abandoned shack in the Evil Dead trilogy, Tyler Durden’s flophouse in Fight Club, and the Lars Homestead on Tattooine." -Wade slacks as the weeks go by. Nobody else seems to be making progress, and he'd rather just date Art3mis. He eventually tells her everything about himself, even his real name, while she shares almost nothing with him. All she'll say is that she lives in the Pacific Northwest. While Wade's relationship with Art3mis grows, his friendship with Aech falters and they spend less and less time together. -Wade and Art3mis go on "dates" inside the OASIS, visiting "exotic locales and exclusive night spots," however that works in the OASIS. Normally their dates are discreet to avoid tabloid fodder, but there's one big exception: "One night, she took me to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show in a huge stadium-sized movie theater on the planet Transsexual, where they held the most highly attended and longest-running weekly screening of the movie in the OASIS. Thousands of avatars came to every show, to sit in the stands and revel in the audience participation. Normally, only longstanding members of the Rocky Horror Fan Club were permitted to get up onstage and help act out the film in front of the giant movie screen, and only after they’d passed a grueling audition process. But Art3mis used her fame to pull a few strings, and she and I were both allowed to join the cast for that night’s show. The whole planet was in a no-PvP zone, so I wasn’t worried about getting ambushed by the Sixers. But I did have a serious case of stage fright when the show began. "Art3mis played a note-perfect Columbia, and I had the honor of playing her undead love interest, Eddie. I altered my avatar’s appearance so that I looked exactly like Meat Loaf did in the role, but my performance and lip-synching still kinda sucked. Luckily, the audience cut me a lot of slack, because I was the famous gunter Parzival, and I was clearly having a blast." -Art3mis kisses Wade after the date, virtually (and Cline only writes that this happened, he doesn't show the scene). Wade is in love with her...and then like an idiot he tells her that, but THAT scene is in the next chapter. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38213865) Date: May 10th, 2019 1:42 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma Cline has a real commitment to consuming large quantities of junk-food, both literal and intellectual, instead of doing any kind of systematic learning or research. This book clearly began with the fantasy, "what if all my low-effort goon knowledge could make me the most powerful hero in the world?", and he built the world and story to make that possible. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215973) Date: May 10th, 2019 1:44 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Yeah I've had the same thought. All of his "research" is just WATCHING all these shows a bunch of times until they're memorized. There is zero effort to systematically understand any of this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215986) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:29 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal TBF, if we want to give Cline credit, we could assume that the OASIS founder designed the "game"so that it was winnable only by people who consumed pop-culture because they enjoyed it, rather than in furtherance of symptomatically understanding all of it, as a means to prevent the IOIs of the world from winning and taking over the OASIS. The problem with this hot take is that these challenges wouldn't be all that difficult to solve by a group with substantial resources, such as IOI. For example, I imagine a well designed algorithm would identify the Cap'n Crunch whistle as a highly probability hit for being a possible part of the solution to the riddle. Hell, I don't consider myself particularly knowledgeable about pop or hacker cultures, but I immediately thought of Cap'n Crunch toy whistle when I first read the clue. I'm sure IOI would have picked up on the repeated hits of the association between Cap'n Crunch and whistle in hacker related media, such as 2600. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216502) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:36 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook It's all perfectly coherent plot-wise; as you say, I can see a reclusive billionaire 80s obsessive simply wanting other people to watch and play all the same shit he did. The problem is that this is played as something cool or desirable instead of being excruciatingly pathetic. And, as you and others have pointed out, the puzzles simply aren't that obscure or hard ultimately. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216533) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:45 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal "The problem is that this is played as something cool or desirable instead of being excruciatingly pathetic." Yes, of course. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216580) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:09 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker cr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216392) Date: November 10th, 2019 1:51 PM Author: ungodly gay new version mental disorder (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#39097399) Date: May 10th, 2019 2:03 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 18 Chapter 18 -Wade's fuckup with Art3mis begins on a typical Friday night for him: He's alone binge-watching a show for "research": "[I was] working my way through every episode of Whiz Kids, an early-’80s TV show about a teenage hacker who uses his computer skills to solve mysteries. I’d just finished watching the episode “Deadly Access” (a crossover with Simon & Simon) when an e-mail arrived in my inbox. It was from Ogden Morrow. The subject line read 'We Can Dance If We Want To.'" [HEY DO YOU GET THAT EIGHTIES SONG REFERENCE HAHA] -The Morrow email invites Wade to Morrow's annual birthday party in the OASIS, his only major public event of the year: "The invitation featured a photo of Morrow’s world-famous avatar, the Great and Powerful Og. The gray-bearded wizard was hunched over an elaborate DJ mixing board, one headphone pressed to his ear, biting his lower lip in auditory ecstasy as his fingers scratched ancient vinyl on a set of silver turntables. His record crate bore a DON’T PANIC sticker [HEY HOW ABOUT THAT REFERENCE] and an anti-Sixer logo—a yellow number six with a red circle-and-slash over it." -Art3mis is invited to the same party, so they both go. The party is held at the Distracted Globe, "a famous zero-gravity dance club" owned and personally coded by Morrow. Wade isn't THAT interested in going because, get this, the people there are TOO DORKY: "I wasn’t much for dancing, or for socializing with the twinked-out wannabe-gunter überdorks who were known to frequent the place." People in glass one-room efficiency apartments shouldn't throw Power Pellets, Wade. C'mon. -Fortunately, Morrow's party means that the mega-dorks will be gone (except for Wade) and replaced by movie stars and musicians. Wade's costume for the party will, of course, have references: "I spent over an hour tweaking my avatar’s hair and trying on different skins to wear to the club. I finally settled on some classic ’80s-era attire: a light gray suit, exactly like the one Peter Weller wore in Buckaroo Banzai, complete with a red bow tie, along with a pair of vintage white Adidas high-tops." -Ominously, the club is located in a PVP zone, making it dangerous to go there. Despite dedicating his entire life to the Egg Hunt, Wade decides to risk everything to attend this dance party. -The Distracted Globe itself is located on the planet Neonoir, one of the oldest of OASIS's several hundred cyberpunk planets: "Seen from orbit, the planet was a shiny onyx marble covered in overlapping spider-webs of pulsating light. It was always night on Neonoir, the world over, and its surface was an uninterrupted grid of interconnected cities packed with impossibly large skyscrapers. Its skies were filled with a continuous stream of flying vehicles whirring through the vertical cityscapes, and the streets below teemed with leather-clad NPCs and mirror-shaded avatars, all sporting high-tech weaponry and subcutaneous implants as they spouted city-speak straight out of Neuromancer." Okay, I get it, cyberpunk is popular, but would it be THAT popular in a world that itself has become a decaying blown-out dystopia full of suffering? What is the aesthetic appeal of cyberpunk when the real world sucks? -No comment but this paragraph is amazing: "I made a big entrance when I arrived in my flying DeLorean, which I’d obtained by completing a Back to the Future quest on the planet Zemeckis. The DeLorean came outfitted with a (nonfunctioning) flux capacitor, but I’d made several additions to its equipment and appearance. First, I’d installed an artificially intelligent onboard computer named KITT (purchased in an online auction) into the dashboard, along with a matching red Knight Rider scanner just above the DeLorean’s grill. Then I’d outfitted the car with an oscillation overthruster, a device that allowed it to travel through solid matter. Finally, to complete my ’80s super-vehicle theme, I’d slapped a Ghostbusters logo on each of the DeLorean’s gullwing doors, then added personalized plates that read ECTO-88. I’d had it only a few weeks now, but my time-traveling, Ghost Busting, Knight Riding, matter-penetrating DeLorean had already become my avatar’s trademark." -But wait! Couldn't his super car be stolen on this PVP planet if he leaves it lying around? No problem. Wade has several solutions: "The DeLorean had several antitheft systems installed, and the ignition system was booby-trapped Max Rockatansky–style so that if any other avatar tried to start the car, the plutonium chamber would detonate in a small thermonuclear explosion. But keeping my car safe wouldn’t be a problem here on Neonoir. As soon as I climbed out of the DeLorean I cast a Shrink spell on it, instantly reducing it to the size of a Matchbox car. Then I put the DeLorean in my pocket. Magic zones had their advantages." -As Wade enters the club itself, he sees hundreds of avatars milling about, and also spots the current DJ: "R2-D2, hard at work, using his various robotic arms to work the turntables. I recognized the tune he was playing: the ’88 remix of New Order’s “Blue Monday,” with a lot of Star Wars droid sound samples mixed in." -"When I reached the bar, I ordered a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster from the female Klingon bartender and downed half of it [would people really buy fake alcoholic drinks in OASIS? I mean...you can't drink them. What's the point?]. Then I grinned as R2 cued up another classic ’80s tune. 'Union of the Snake,' I recited, mostly out of habit. 'Duran Duran. Nineteen eightythree.'" -All of this was just from three pages of the book, holy hell. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216087) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:39 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha "The gray-bearded wizard was hunched over an elaborate DJ mixing board, one headphone pressed to his ear, biting his lower lip in auditory ecstasy as his fingers scratched ancient vinyl on a set of silver turntables." It was at least until the mid 2000's that DJ culture became semi-popular in America. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216542) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:42 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal What? No. DJ culture wasn't as big hear as it was in Europe, but it was definitely a thing going back to at least the early 90s, which was exemplified by the rave scene back then. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216558) Date: May 10th, 2019 4:06 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha There were also deth metal and shoegaze aficionados in the US during 80s, it doesn't mean you should include this is your very basic 80s geek culture masturbation fantasy. The idea of some twat with headphones in front of two turntables as something to emulate would have entered the mainstream consciousness when this character was in his 30s. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216678) Date: May 11th, 2019 3:57 PM Author: Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry No. Turntablism was big in the 80s. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38220813) Date: May 12th, 2019 2:55 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha (zoomer) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224248) Date: November 10th, 2019 1:47 PM Author: Snowy Giraffe (Guy who didn’t live in Detroit in 1988) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#39097381) Date: May 10th, 2019 2:25 PM Author: appetizing french chef space so it sounds like the real importance of this book is that it opens our eyes to the need for a final solution to the redditor question. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216183) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:50 PM Author: Nighttime Psychic Brethren (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216601) Date: May 10th, 2019 2:49 PM Author: Razzmatazz Milky Really Tough Guy Business Firm Seems like a lot of time wasted punching down. In the time it took to do all this think of how many threads you could have posted that discussed good books that you've read recently. That would have been a lot more useful for everyone. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216286) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:22 PM Author: Nighttime Psychic Brethren I'd love to hear you elaborate on how you consider this to be "punching down." Should we define that term first? Did you know they teach this crap in schools now? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216458) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:24 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker fuck off (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216474) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:24 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook https://f4.bcbits.com/img/a2681126142_10.jpg (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216476) Date: May 10th, 2019 4:33 PM Author: Razzmatazz Milky Really Tough Guy Business Firm I was complimenting you. You're very well-read. I saw your posts about The Power and the Glory and The Quiet American and thought "wow, we have similar tastes; hope he keeps lit-posting." I like a good "prole" bash now and then, but this is too much. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216835) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:25 PM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut Oh what a moderate take (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216485) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:38 PM Author: know-it-all address national security agency (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216537) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:29 PM Author: Nighttime Psychic Brethren like, punching down would be making fun of this one high school's syllabus for studying it https://pvhs.pvpusd.net/apps/pages/index.jsp?uREC_ID=648778&type=u&pREC_ID=1144333 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216499) Date: May 10th, 2019 4:26 PM Author: Razzmatazz Milky Really Tough Guy Business Firm Would you rather assign the children something they won't bother to read? It's pop-fiction. It's certainly not a work of art but there's plenty of examples of schlock topping the best-seller lists and making it on to school syllabi. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216785) Date: May 10th, 2019 4:29 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma CR. we should assign them twilight erotic fanfic so that they can understand their moms better (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216813) Date: May 11th, 2019 7:44 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter this absolutely needs 2 be next (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38219222) Date: May 10th, 2019 4:30 PM Author: floppy parlor kitty I genuinely don't understand why a child would read this. It's a meaningless salad of 80s references. Why would a zoomer care? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216817) Date: May 10th, 2019 5:26 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal If by "this" you mean Charles' thread, it should be assigned reading for every child. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38217128) Date: May 10th, 2019 5:59 PM Author: floppy parlor kitty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38217264) Date: May 11th, 2019 8:59 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38219343) Date: May 11th, 2019 8:29 PM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38221749) Date: May 12th, 2019 1:21 AM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38222749) Date: May 10th, 2019 4:30 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker lol at choosing this hill to die on (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216821) Date: May 10th, 2019 5:05 PM Author: Nighttime Psychic Brethren I think they should assign Let's Play videos and nothing else. Why bother assigning something they're not going to read? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38217013) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:57 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha gb2reddit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216631) Date: May 10th, 2019 4:23 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter Charles should Pick on someone his own size, like a four-year-old (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216764) Date: May 10th, 2019 4:34 PM Author: Razzmatazz Milky Really Tough Guy Business Firm I didn't pick on that little kid. The whole point of that exercise was to embarrass the mom. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216840) Date: May 11th, 2019 3:56 PM Author: Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry jfc, you're a joyless faggot. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38220810) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:25 PM Author: Nighttime Psychic Brethren Great thread but Penguin already has a teaching guide, click here to get at the real deep issues and themes Cline raises https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/209887/ready-player-one-movie-tie-in-by-ernest-cline/9780804190138/teachers-guide/ (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216479) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:26 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook "On page 25, Wade Watts explains how he creates a mechanism for recharging his device using, “a rack of old car batteries and a modified exercise bike.” Based on principles of physics, explain how this mechanism could work. " (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216490) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:27 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker Q: Describe the extent and impact of global climate change in the novel. What caused the global energy crisis? How has it impacted society? Do you think it is possible that we will see a global energy crisis of this magnitude by 2044? Support your answer with data. A: lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216493) Date: May 10th, 2019 3:41 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal A: "I'm not exactly sure, but given the author's demonstrated technological aptitude, I'm certain the answers to all of those questions are real retarded." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216548) Date: May 11th, 2019 8:31 PM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit "support your answer with data" uh (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38221759) Date: May 10th, 2019 4:24 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter Hilarious moniker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216770) Date: May 10th, 2019 5:16 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler lmao incredible (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38217084) Date: May 10th, 2019 7:25 PM Author: floppy parlor kitty This novel is a masterwork of dystopian satire and Charles cannot prove me wrong (indeed each successive post proves me right) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38217596) Date: May 10th, 2019 11:14 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Describe (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38218553) Date: May 11th, 2019 1:40 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 18 Part 2 -Wade meets Art3mis at the club: "She was wearing evening attire: a gunmetal blue dress that looked like it was spray-painted on. Her avatar’s dark hair was styled in a pageboy cut, perfectly framing her gorgeous face. She looked devastating." -Art3mis orders a Glenmorangie for herself: "Connor MacLeod’s favorite drink. Man, did I love this girl." So we're 2/2 for the fake drinks being ordered in the OASIS being some kind of reference. -Art3mis asks Wade to dance as a song ends, and Cline dangerous mixes his Star Trek/Wars references: "All eyes turned upward, toward the DJ booth, where R2-D2 was currently dissolving in a shower of light, like someone “beaming out” in an original Star Trek episode. Then a huge cheer went up as a familiar gray-haired avatar beamed in, appearing behind the turntables. It was Og." -Og (that is, Morrow) is dressed in a faded Star Trek TNG shirt, and starts playing one of Art3mis's favorite songs, Rebel Yell by Billy Idol. Wade and her start dancing, and Cline tries mightily to describe this badass zero-G dance...floor?: "My avatar took flight, drifting upward and sliding alongside Art3mis. The avatars who were already on the dance floor moved aside to clear a path for us, a tunnel leading to the center of the dance floor. I could see Og hovering in his bubble, just a short distance above us. He was spinning around like a dervish, remixing the song on the fly while simultaneously adjusting the gravity vortex of the dance floor, so that he was actually spinning the club itself, like an ancient vinyl disc. "Art3mis winked at me, and then her legs melted together to form a mermaid’s tail. She flapped her new tail fin once and shot ahead of me, her body undulating and thrusting in time with the machine-gun beat as she swam through the air [Rebel Yell is a fast song, but I'm not sure I'd call its beat a 'machine gun']. Then she spun back around to face me, suspended and floating, smiling and holding out her hand, beckoning me to join her. Her hair floated in a halo around her head, like she was underwater. When I reached her, she took my hand. As she did, her mermaid tail vanished and her legs reappeared, whirling and scissoring to the beat." -Wade ofc can't dance, but he came prepared with a program called "Travoltra" which automates his dance movements: "all four of my limbs were transformed into undulating cosine waves. Just like that, I became a dancing fool." -There's some more weird shapeshiting/body manipulation shit, which allows Wade to make a Plastic Man reference. Then, during a slower song ("Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper, because a reference is necessary), Wade blurts out that he's in love with Art3mis. Oops. Art3mis says Wade is a clueless dipshit, because he's never actually met her. If he did, she says, he would be repulsed. Wade wonders if it's something else: "'Is it because I told you I’ve never had a real girlfriend? And that I’m a virgin? Because—'" -But no, Art3mis says it's actually about the Egg Hunt. She's let their relationship go too far and they need to refocus on finding the Jade Key. She says she and Wade need to stop talking to each other until the Hunt is over. Wade throws a Reddit-tier miniature bitchfit: “'So winning that money is more important to you than me?' “'It’s not about the money. It’s about what I could do with it.' “'Right. Saving the world. You’re so fucking noble.'" -As this breakup chat is ongoing, Cline STILL has to take the time to note when the music changes: "The Cyndi Lauper song ended and Og queued up another dance track—'James Brown Is Dead' by L.A. Style. The club erupted in applause." -Art3mis and Wade's conversation is interrupted when the Sixers assault the dance club en masse: "The news that Art3mis and I were here must have already hit the newsfeeds. And when Sorrento had learned that the top two gunters on the Scoreboard were hanging out in an unshielded PvP zone, he must have decided that it was too juicy a target to pass up. This was the Sixers’ chance to take out their two biggest competitors in one shot. It was worth wasting a hundred or so of their highest-level avatars. I knew my own recklessness had brought them down on us. I cursed myself for being so foolish. Then I drew my blasters and began to unload them at the cluster of Sixers nearest to me while also doing my best to dodge their incoming fire. I glanced over at Art3mis just in time to see her incinerate a dozen Sixers in the space of five seconds, using balls of blue plasma that she hurled out of her palms, while ignoring the steady stream of laser bolts and magic missiles ricocheting off her transparent body shield." -It's looking bad for Wade, and his Avatar is about to die when Morrow saves the day. He effortlessly shoots red lightning from his fingertips and obliterates all the Sixer avatars: "'Nobody busts into my joint uninvited!' Og shouted, his voice echoing through the now-silent club. The remaining avatars (the ones who hadn’t fled the club in terror or been killed in the brief battle) let out a victorious cheer. Og flew back into the DJ booth, which closed up around him like a transparent cocoon. 'Let’s get this party going again, shall we?' he said, dropping a needle on a techno remix of 'Atomic' by Blondie. It took a moment for the shock to wear off, but then everyone started to dance again." -Art3mis, however, is leaving. She stops to look at Wade one last time, and then departs through the massive gaping hole the Sixers created. The chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38220250) Date: May 11th, 2019 2:23 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma Look at this guy who thinks "cosine waves" is a cultural ref (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38220458) Date: May 11th, 2019 8:31 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha (guy who never rode on tangent waves) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38221760) Date: May 12th, 2019 8:05 AM Author: insane painfully honest locale indirect expression (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223185) Date: May 12th, 2019 2:33 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 19 Chapter 19 -The narrative jumps several weeks ahead. Wade is totally devastated and struggles to even get up in the morning. To force himself to do so...there's a reference: "I’d disabled my alarm’s snooze feature and instructed the computer to blast “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham! I loathed that song with every fiber of my being, and getting up was the only way to silence it." -Upon waking up, Wade's computer gradually turns up the lights, because...: "No outside light ever penetrated my apartment. The single window had once provided a view of the Columbus skyline, but I’d spray-painted it completely black a few days after I moved in. I’d decided that everything outside the window was a distraction from my quest, so I didn’t need to waste time staring at it." -Wade has become a bit of a paranoid maniac, turning his apartment into a fortress: "First, I replaced the flimsy door with a new airtight armor-plated vacuum-sealed WarDoor. Whenever I needed something—food, toilet paper, new gear—I ordered it online, and someone brought it right to my door. Deliveries worked like this: First, the scanner mounted outside in the hallway would verify the delivery person’s identity and my computer would confirm they were delivering something I’d actually ordered. Then the outer door would unlock itself and slide open, revealing a steel-reinforced air lock about the size of a shower stall. The delivery person would place the parcel, pizza, or whatever inside the air lock and step back. The outer door would hiss shut and relock itself; then the package would be scanned, X-rayed, and analyzed eight ways from Wednesday. Its contents would be verified and delivery confirmation would be sent. Then I would unlock and open the inner door and receive my goods. Capitalism would inch forward, without my actually having to interact face-to-face with another human being. Which was exactly how I preferred it, thank you." I'm surprised the apartment complex was willing to let him modify a small efficiency rental so dramatically. Also, this WarDoor sounds really expensive, and Wade said earlier his endorsements "wouldn’t be enough to make me rich, not by a long shot." I guess they were more lucrative than he let on. "A modular shower and toilet unit were embedded in one wall, opposite the small ergonomic kitchen. I’d never actually used the kitchen to cook anything. My meals were all frozen or delivered. Microwave brownies were as close as I ever got to cooking." Man, between NEVER going outside, never exercising (or even really moving), and eating only excessive amounts of junk food, Wade's appearance must be BRUTAL. -And then, holy shit, Wade just dumps like two pages of fucking autism about his new expensive OASIS super-rig: "Newer, faster, or more versatile components were always being released, so I was constantly spending large chunks of my meager income on upgrades." [Keep the "meager income" line in mind as you read the following paragraphs. Also remember this isn't a rich future, but a poor and shitty one where nice things are hard to buy] "The crown jewel in my rig was, of course, my customized OASIS console. The computer that powered my world. I’d built it myself, piece by piece, inside a modded mirror-black Odinware sphere chassis. It had a new overclocked processor that was so fast its cycle-time bordered on pre-cognition. And the internal hard drive had enough storage space to hold three digitized copies of Everything in Existence [why?]. "I spent the majority of my time in my Shaptic Technologies HC5000 fully adjustable haptic chair. It was suspended by two jointed robotic arms anchored to my apartment’s walls and ceiling. These arms could rotate the chair on all four axes, so when I was strapped in to it, the unit could flip, spin, or shake my body to create the sensation that I was falling, flying, or sitting behind the wheel of a nuclear-powered rocket sled hurtling at Mach 2 through a canyon on the fourth moon of Altair VI. "The chair worked in conjunction with my Shaptic Bootsuit, a full-body haptic feedback suit. It covered every inch of my body from the neck down and had discreet openings so I could relieve myself without removing the entire thing [thanks for the detail, Wade!]. The outside of the suit was covered with an elaborate exoskeleton, a network of artificial tendons and joints that could both sense and inhibit my movements. Built into the inside of the suit was a weblike network of miniature actuators that made contact with my skin every few centimeters. These could be activated in small or large groups for the purpose of tactile simulation—to make my skin feel things that weren’t really there. They could convincingly simulate the sensation of a tap on the shoulder, a kick to the shin, or a gunshot in the chest. (Built-in safety software prevented my rig from actually causing me any physical harm, so a simulated gunshot actually felt more like a weak punch.) I had an identical backup suit hanging in the MoshWash cleaning unit in the corner of the room. These two haptic suits made up my entire wardrobe. My old street clothes were buried somewhere in the closet, collecting dust. "On my hands, I wore a pair of state-of-the-art Okagami IdleHands haptic datagloves. Special tactile feedback pads covered both palms, allowing the gloves to create the illusion that I was touching objects and surfaces that didn’t actually exist. "My visor was a brand-new pair of Dinatro RLR-7800 WreckSpex, featuring a top-of-the-line virtual retinal display. The visor drew the OASIS directly onto my retinas, at the highest frame rate and resolution perceptible to the human eye. The real world looked washed-out and blurry by comparison. The RLR-7800 was a not-yet-available-to-the-plebian-masses prototype, but I had an endorsement deal with Dinatro, so they sent me free gear (shipped to me through a series of remailing services, which I used to maintain my anonymity)." "My AboundSound audio system consisted of an array of ultrathin speakers mounted on the apartment’s walls, floor, and ceiling, providing 360 degrees of perfect spatial pin-drop sound reproduction. And the Mjolnur subwoofer was powerful enough to make my back teeth vibrate." "The Olfatrix smell tower in the corner was capable of generating over two thousand discernible odors. A rose garden, salty ocean wind, burning cordite—the tower could convincingly re-create them all. It also doubled as an industrial-strength air conditioner/purifier, which was primarily what I used it for. A lot of jokers liked to code really horrific smells into their simulations, just to mess with people who owned smell towers, so I usually left the odor generator disabled, unless I was in a part of the OASIS where I thought being able to smell my surroundings might prove useful. "On the floor, directly underneath my suspended haptic chair, was my Okagami Runaround omnidirectional treadmill. (“No matter where you go, there you are” was the manufacturer’s slogan.) The treadmill was about two meters square and six centimeters thick. When it was activated, I could run at top speed in any direction and never reach the edge of the platform. If I changed direction, the treadmill would sense it, and its rolling surface would change direction to match me, always keeping my body near the center of its platform. This model was also equipped with built-in lifts and an amorphous surface, so that it could simulate walking up inclines and staircases." -Wow! That's so realistic and detailed, about the only thing missing is the ability to fuck inside the OASIS! Oh, wait, Wade has that covered too: "You could also purchase an ACHD (anatomically correct haptic doll), if you wanted to have more “intimate” encounters inside the OASIS. ACHDs came in male, female, and dualsex models, and were available with a wide array of options. Realistic latex skin. Servomotor-driven endoskeletons. Simulated musculature. And all of the attendant appendages and orifices one would imagine. "Driven by loneliness, curiosity, and raging teen hormones, I’d purchased a midrange ACHD, the Shaptic ÜberBetty, a few weeks after Art3mis stopped speaking to me. After spending several highly unproductive days inside a stand-alone brothel simulation called the Pleasuredome, I’d gotten rid of the doll, out of a combination of shame and selfpreservation. I’d wasted thousands of credits, missed a whole week of work, and was on the verge of completely abandoning my quest for the egg when I confronted the grim realization that virtual sex, no matter how realistic, was really nothing but glorified, computer-assisted masturbation. At the end of the day, I was still a virgin, all alone in a dark room, humping a lubed-up robot. So I got rid of the ACHD and went back to spanking the monkey the old-fashioned way." -Oh my, that's a tad personal there. Fortunately, we get back to the plo- haha nope, Wade goes on a page-long digression where he shares his PHILOSOPHY on masturbation: "I felt no shame about masturbating. Thanks to Anorak’s Almanac, I now thought of it as a normal bodily function, as necessary and natural as sleeping or eating. "Anorak's Almanak 241:87—I would argue that masturbation is the human animal’s most important adaptation. The very cornerstone of our technological civilization. Our hands evolved to grip tools, all right—including our own. You see, thinkers, inventors, and scientists are usually geeks, and geeks have a harder time getting laid than anyone. Without the built-in sexual release valve provided by masturbation, it’s doubtful that early humans would have ever mastered the secrets of fire or discovered the wheel. And you can bet that Galileo, Newton, and Einstein never would have made their discoveries if they hadn’t first been able to clear their heads by slapping the salami (or “knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom”). The same goes for Marie Curie. Before she discovered radium, you can be certain she first discovered the little man in the canoe. "It wasn’t one of Halliday’s more popular theories, but I liked it." -JFC this chapter is unbelievable, I'm stopping here for the night. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38222923) Date: May 12th, 2019 4:57 AM Author: slimy library halford seems like the real Heroes are his Corporate Sponsors (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223055) Date: May 12th, 2019 7:16 AM Author: Razzle Tank oh my god (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223152) Date: May 12th, 2019 8:01 AM Author: Crimson disturbing corner This thread has made me respect the movie a lot more (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223178) Date: May 12th, 2019 2:42 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224188) Date: May 13th, 2019 9:42 PM Author: Tantric forum pisswyrm Yeah Adapting something like Naked Lunch must have been a spa day in comparison (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231071) Date: May 12th, 2019 8:07 AM Author: amber den friendly grandma It's true. Newton, Einstein and Galileo were notorious chronic masturbators and if you want to be like them by winning an 80s trivia contest, you have to jerk off, a lot, like pretty much all the time. People who like to watch 52 hours of TV while eating junk food and jerking off are most properly compared to the greatest geniuses in physics, who shared a similar mentality. Jerking off is a heroic act. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223187) Date: May 12th, 2019 9:52 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha When did people start conflating nerds (smart kids who pursued some technical interests) with geeks (dim consumers of genre trash)? Also, Newton died a virgin but Galileo had three bastard kids. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223355) Date: May 12th, 2019 9:54 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha This guy is a GenX boomer who feels its important to put "there is no God" and "masturbation is OK" screeds in a book published in the 2010's. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223359) Date: May 12th, 2019 11:38 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223622) Date: May 12th, 2019 11:50 AM Author: frisky circlehead tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223653) Date: May 12th, 2019 12:38 PM Author: Fishy flickering stag film (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223790) Date: May 12th, 2019 9:07 PM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225625) Date: May 22nd, 2019 11:08 PM Author: Bearded laughsome useless brakes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38275100) Date: May 12th, 2019 3:12 PM Author: Fragrant Onyx Immigrant "knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom" "knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom" "knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom" what in the motherfuck how many protons do you think hydrogen has you scientifically illiterate son of a bitch. hint the atomic number is 1 also marie curie did her best work after getting married (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224288) Date: May 12th, 2019 6:33 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker lol cr And women masturbate bigot, deal with it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225022) Date: May 12th, 2019 7:12 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225136) Date: May 12th, 2019 8:35 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225511) Date: May 12th, 2019 9:07 PM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225627) Date: May 12th, 2019 12:37 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 19 Part 2 -As Wade "shuffles" to the toilet, he is greeted by his new AI personal assistant, Max: "I’d programmed mine to look, sound, and behave like Max Headroom, the (ostensibly) computer-generated star of a late-’80s talk show, a groundbreaking cyberpunk TV series, and a slew of Coke commercials ... Max was programmed to speak with a slight electronic stutter. In the mid-’80s, when the character of Max Headroom was created, computers weren’t actually powerful enough to generate a photorealistic human figure, so Max had been portrayed by an actor (the brilliant Matt Frewer) who wore a lot of rubber makeup to make him look computer-generated. But the version of Max now smiling at me on the monitor was pure software, with the best simulated AI and voice-recognition subroutines money could buy." -Wade and Max have a conversation which is a good way to get in another couple references: "As I stumbled into the bathroom module and emptied my bladder, Max continued to address me from a small monitor mounted above the mirror. 'Uh-oh! It appears you’ve spsp-sprung a leak!' he said. "'Get a new joke,' I said. 'Any news I should know about?' "'Just the usual. Wars, rioting, famine. Nothing that would interest you.' "'Any messages?' "He rolled his eyes. 'A few. But to answer your real question, no. Art3mis still hasn’t called or written you back, lover boy.' "'I’ve warned you. Don’t call me that, Max. You’re begging to be deleted.' "'Touchy, touchy. Honestly, Wade. When did you get so s-s-sensitive?' "'I’ll erase you, Max. I mean it. Keep it up and I’ll switch back to Wilma Deering. Or I’ll try out the disembodied voice of Majel Barrett.'" -Wade begins a VR exercise routine, which he had to take up due to his OASIS addiction: "I spent the vast majority of my time sitting in my haptic chair, getting almost no exercise at all. I also had a habit of overeating when I was depressed or frustrated, which was most of the time. As a result, I’d gradually started to put on some extra pounds. I wasn’t in the best shape to begin with, so I quickly reached a point where I could no longer fit comfortably in my haptic chair or squeeze in to my XL haptic suit. Soon, I would need to buy a new rig, with components from the Husky line." "I knew that if I didn’t get my weight under control, I would probably die of sloth before I found the egg. I couldn’t let that happen. So I made a snap decision and enabled the voluntary OASIS fitness lockout software on my rig. I’d regretted it almost immediately. From then on, my computer monitored my vital signs and kept track of exactly how many calories I burned during the course of each day. If I didn’t meet my daily exercise requirements, the system prevented me from logging into my OASIS account." -Wade also enables an OASIS program that tracks (and controls) everything he eats. This gets him into shape shockingly quickly: "The pounds began to melt off, and after a few months, I was in near-perfect health. For the first time in my life I had a flat stomach, and muscles. I also had twice the energy, and I got sick a lot less frequently. When the two months ended and I was finally given the option to disable the fitness lockout, I decided to keep it in place. Now, exercising was a part of my daily ritual." -BTW, as a person who was fat and got in shape: It would probably take longer than two months to drop from "barely fitting into Extra-Large" to "near perfect health." I suspect Cline has never had to make that change himself and thus doesn't know. -Wade starts running on some wacky VR running track that's set in space and shit. While he runs...reference time!: "As I began to run, Max fired up my ’80s music playlist. As the first song began, I quickly rattled off its title, artist, album, and year of release from memory: ‘A Million Miles Away,’ the Plimsouls, Everywhere at Once, 1983. Then I began to sing along, reciting the lyrics. Having the right ’80s song lyric memorized might save my avatar’s life someday." -Wade then takes a shower, and...oh god he's made himself a TOTAL baldmo: "As I jumped into the steam-filled stall, Max switched the music over to my shower tunes playlist. I recognized the opening riffs of 'Change,' by John Waite. From the Vision Quest soundtrack. Geffen Records, 1985. "The shower worked a lot like an old car wash. I just stood there while it did most of the work, blasting me from all angles with jets of soapy water, then rinsing me off. I had no hair to wash, because the shower also dispensed a nontoxic hair-removing solution that I rubbed all over my face and body. This eliminated the need for me to shave or cut my hair, both hassles I didn’t need. Having smooth skin also helped make sure my haptic suit fit snugly. I looked a little freaky without any eyebrows, but I got used to it." -Wade drinks a vitamin D-infused breakfast drink to counteract his total lack of sunlight. As he slips into his rig, Wade is admirably frank about what the reality is: "I’d come to see my rig for what it was: an elaborate contraption for deceiving my senses, to allow me to live in a world that didn’t exist. Each component of my rig was a bar in the cell where I had willingly imprisoned myself. Standing there, under the bleak fluorescents of my tiny one-room apartment, there was no escaping the truth. In real life, I was nothing but an antisocial hermit. A recluse. A paleskinned pop culture–obsessed geek. An agoraphobic shut-in, with no real friends, family, or genuine human contact. I was just another sad, lost, lonely soul, wasting his life on a glorified videogame." -You know, if the book ended there, I'd respect it for going in a dark direction. But alas, even the chapter isn't over: "But not in the OASIS. In there, I was the great Parzival. World-famous gunter and international celebrity. People asked for my autograph. I had a fan club. Several, actually. I was recognized everywhere I went (but only when I wanted to be). I was paid to endorse products. People admired and looked up to me. I got invited to the most exclusive parties. I went to all the hippest clubs and never had to wait in line. I was a pop-culture icon, a VR rock star. And, in gunter circles, I was a legend. Nay, a god." -Wade logs into his account with a NEW pass-phase ("Nobody ever gets what they want and that is beautiful" -They Might Be Giants), and the chapter ends. -As embarrassing as this chapter sounds, I do appreciate that Cline is finally trying to engage without how pathetic Wade's life is. That said, I'm not sure how he'll really mesh that theme with the rest of the Egg Hunt (where knowing 80s goon knowledge is still the most important thing in the world). Also, there's definitely a note of relish in the chapter. As pathetic as being a hermit is, the description of his VR rig is so detailed that Cline clearly put some thought into how AWESOME it is. Oh, and while Wade does reflect on how lame being a recluse is, he enthusiastically endorses chronic masturbation. So...yeah. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223788) Date: May 12th, 2019 1:45 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 20 Chapter 20 -Wade materializes in the OASIS within his new FORTRESS PLANET, which he was apparently able to afford on his "meager" endorsement income. "My command center was located under an armored dome embedded in the rocky surface of my own private asteroid. From here I had a sweeping 360-degree view of the surrounding cratered landscape, stretching to the horizon in all directions. The rest of my stronghold was belowground, in a vast subterranean complex that stretched all the way to the asteroid’s core. I’d coded the entire thing myself, shortly after moving to Columbus. My avatar needed a stronghold, and I didn’t want any neighbors, so I’d bought the cheapest planetoid I could find—this tiny barren asteroid in Sector Fourteen. Its designation was S14A316, but I’d renamed it Falco, after the Austrian rap star. (I wasn’t a huge Falco fan or anything. I just thought it sounded like a cool name.) "Falco had only a few square kilometers of surface area, but it had still cost me a pretty penny. It had been worth it, though. When you owned your own world, you could build whatever you wanted there. And no one could visit it unless I granted them access, something I never gave to anyone. My stronghold was my home inside the OASIS. My avatar’s sanctuary. It was the one place in the entire simulation where I was truly safe." -It turns out that Dec. 30th is OASIS elections day, so we get some of Wade's HOT TAKES on politics: "Now that I was eighteen, I could vote, in both the OASIS elections and the elections for U.S. government officials. I didn’t bother with the latter, because I didn’t see the point. The once-great country into which I’d been born now resembled its former self in name only. It didn’t matter who was in charge. Those people were rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic and everyone knew it. Besides, now that everyone could vote from home, via the OASIS, the only people who could get elected were movie stars, reality TV personalities, or radical televangelists." -Given this book was written in 2011 I guess predicting "reality TV personalities" winning office was prescient. On the other hand, whining about televangelists and the STOOPID MASSES who never leave home electing them sounds like a hilarious 90s lib trope. Also, are we seriously getting endless joke politicians in a hell-world marked by war and famine? Wouldn't we get, idk, revolutionaries and the like? -Wade also comments on OASIS politics, which provides an opportunity for Cline to slurp on a few famous modern geeks he likes: "I did take the time to vote in the OASIS elections, however, because their outcomes actually affected me. The voting process only took me a few minutes, because I was already familiar with all of the major issues GSS had put on the ballot. It was also time to elect the president and VP of the OASIS User Council, but that was a no-brainer. Like most gunters, I voted to reelect Cory Doctorow and Wil Wheaton (again). There were no term limits, and those two geezers had been doing a kick-ass job of protecting user rights for over a decade." -Wade also discusses his personal TV channel that he set up, and goes on for a while about other people's private TV channels: "Earlier that year, GSS had added a new feature to every OASIS user’s account: the POV (personal OASIS vidfeed) channel. It allowed anyone who paid a monthly fee to run their own streaming television network. Anyone logged into the simulation could tune in and watch your POV channel, from anywhere in the world. What you aired on your channel and who you allowed to view it were entirely up to you. Most users chose to run a “voyeur channel,” which was like being the star of your own twenty-four-hour reality show. Hovering virtual cameras would follow your avatar around the OASIS as you went about your day-to-day activities. You could limit access to your channel so that only your friends could watch, or you could charge viewers by the hour to access your POV. A lot of secondtier celebrities and pornographers did this, selling their virtual lives at a per-minute premium. "Some people used their POV to broadcast live video of their real-world selves, or their dog, or their kids. Some people programmed nothing but old cartoons. The possibilities were endless, and the variety of stuff available seemed to grow more twisted every day. "Nonstop foot fetish videos broadcast out of Eastern Europe. Amateur porn featuring deviant soccer moms in Minnesota. You name it. Every flavor of weirdness the human psyche could cook up was being filmed and broadcast online. The vast wasteland of television programming had finally reached its zenith, and the average person was no longer limited to fifteen minutes of fame. Now everyone could be on TV, every second of every day, whether or not anyone was watching. "Parzival-TV wasn’t a voyeur channel. In fact, I never showed my avatar’s face on my vidfeed. Instead, I programmed a selection of classic ’80s TV shows, retro commercials, cartoons, music videos, and movies. Lots of movies. On the weekends, I showed old Japanese monster flicks, along with some vintage anime. Whatever struck my fancy. It didn’t really matter what I programmed. My avatar was still one of the High Five, so my vidfeed drew millions of viewers every day, regardless of what I aired, and this allowed me to sell commercial time to my various sponsors. "Most of Parzival-TV’s regular viewers were gunters who monitored my vidfeed with the hope that I’d inadvertently reveal some key piece of information about the Jade Key or the egg itself. I never did, of course. At the moment, Parzival-TV was wrapping up a nonstop two-day Kikaider marathon. Kikaider was a late-’70s Japanese action show about a red-and-blue android who beat the crap out of rubber-suited monsters in each episode. I had a weakness for vintage kaiju and tokusatsu, shows like Spectreman, The Space Giants, and Supaidaman. "I pulled up my programming grid and made a few changes to my evening lineup. I cleared away the episodes of Riptide and Misfits of Science I’d programmed and dropped in a few back-to-back flicks starring Gamera, my favorite giant flying turtle. I thought they should be real crowd pleasers. Then, to finish off the broadcast day, I added a few episodes of Silver Spoons." -I'm somewhat skeptical that a hodgepodge of old 80s crap would get millions of viewers a day JUST because Parzival's name is on it, but at least this helps explain how Wade was able to afford all the shit he's buying. Though in a devastated economy defined by war, famine, and shortages, I'm surprised there's that much advertiser money to go around. -Art3mis is also killing it in the digital economy with a...plus-size clothing brand?: "Art3mis also ran her own vidfeed channel, Art3mivision, and I always kept one of my monitors tuned to it. Right now, she was airing her usual Monday evening fare: an episode of Square Pegs. After that would be ElectraWoman and DynaGirl, followed by back-to-back episodes of Isis and Wonder Woman. Her programming lineup hadn’t changed in ages. But it didn’t matter. She still got killer ratings. Recently, she’d also launched her own wildly successful clothing line for full-figured female avatars, under the label Art3Miss. She was doing really well for herself." -Art3mis hasn't spoken to Wade since the nightclub disaster. She even rejected Wade when he traveled to her personal stronghold, the small moon Benatar. -I dropped mix tapes and notes on her palace from the air, like lovesick bombs. Once, in a supreme act of desperation, I stood outside her palace gates for two solid hours, with a boom box over my head, blasting “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel at full volume. She didn’t come out. I don’t even know if she was home." -Wade's friendship with Aech has collapsed as well, as he ignored him while obsessing over Art3mis and provoked arguments when they did meet: "I flipped over to Aech’s channel, which he called the H-Feed. He was currently showing a WWF match from the late ’80s, featuring Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant. I didn’t even bother checking Daito and Shoto’s channel, the Daishow, because I knew they’d be showing some old samurai movie. That’s all those guys ever aired." -Wade actually HAS become friends with Daito and Shoto, and recounts beating some ultra high-level Japanese language quest with their assistance. The quest is, of course, a reference: "The quest was a re-creation of all thirty-nine episodes of the original Ultraman TV series, which had aired on Japanese television from 1966 to 1967. The show’s storyline centered around a human named Hayata who was a member of the Science Patrol, an organization devoted to fighting the hordes of giant Godzilla-like monsters that were constantly attacking Earth and threatening human civilization. When the Science Patrol encountered a threat they couldn’t handle on their own, Hayata would use an alien device called a Beta Capsule to transform into an alien super-being known as Ultraman. Then he would proceed to kick the monster-of-the-week’s ass, using all sorts of kung-fu moves and energy attacks. "If I’d entered the quest gate by myself, I would have automatically played through the entire series storyline as Hayata. But because Shoto, Daito, and I had all entered at once, we were each allowed to select a different Science Patrol team member to play. We could then change or swap characters at the start of the next level or “episode.” The three of us took turns playing Hayata and his Science Patrol teammates Hoshino and Arashi. As with most quests in the OASIS, playing as a team made it easier to defeat the various enemies and complete each of the levels. "It took us an entire week, often playing over sixteen hours a day [sheesh], before we were finally able to clear all thirty-nine levels and complete the quest. As we stepped out of the quest gate, our avatars were each awarded a huge amount of experience points and several thousand credits. But the real prize for completing the quest was an incredibly rare artifact: Hayata’s Beta Capsule. The small metal cylinder allowed the avatar who possessed it to transform into Ultraman once a day, for up to three minutes." -A debate then ensues about who should get to have the Beta Capsule, as there is only one (in the entire OASIS, it turns out). Wade decides to give it to Daito and Shojo because...they're Japanese: "'You two should keep the Beta Capsule,' I said. 'Urutoraman is Japan’s greatest superhero. His powers belong in Japanese hands.' They were both surprised and humbled by my generosity. Especially Daito. 'Thank you, Parzival-san,' he said, bowing low. 'You are a man of honor.'" -Weirdness of that episode aside, this raises some other questions: There's a reference to Wade having to "find" the quest in the first place. Are they really all hidden like that? Also, since GSS had to make the quest, would they really make some 100-hour hyper-detailed quest and then have it be so secret and difficult that only a few top players in the world can even beat it? Wouldn't that take a ton of employee time to create? Could Wade and the rest have had their avatars killed during the quest? If so, wouldn't that be a gigantic hazard? Also, isn't it at least a little unlikely that they'd be the FIRST people to find and beat this quest out of billions of OASIS users? Especially since Wade found it, and he can't speak Japanese. Just seems odd. -Wade then takes a moment to describe his economic situation. His endorsement money is mostly gone, spent on his super-rig and private asteroid. He also makes a modest income on his TV stream. But to pay for his rent, food, electricity, Internet, and then all his OASIS expenses (ammo, teleportation, etc), Wade actually just spends the money from his full-time job. Wait...he has a full-time job? While also doing entire weeks of 16-hour Ultraman quests? Okay: "When I’d created my new Bryce Lynch identity, I’d given myself a college degree, along with multiple technical certifications and a long, sterling work record as an OASIS programmer and app developer. However, despite my sterling bogus résumé, the only job I’d been able to get was as a tier-one technical support representative at Helpful Helpdesk Inc., one of the contract firms GSS used to handle OASIS customer service and support. Now I worked forty hours a week, helping morons reboot their OASIS consoles and update the drivers for their haptic gloves. It was grueling work, but it paid the rent. "I logged out of my own OASIS account and then used my rig to log into a separate OASIS account I’d been issued for work. The log-in process completed and I took control of a Happy Helpdesk avatar, a cookie-cutter Ken doll that I used to take tech-support calls. This avatar appeared inside a huge virtual call center, inside a virtual cubicle, sitting at a virtual desk, in front of a virtual computer, wearing a virtual phone headset. I thought of this place as my own private virtual hell." -One gets the feeling that Cline could be channeling some real-world anger into this bit: "Helpful Helpdesk Inc. took millions of calls a day, from all over the world. Twenty-four seven, three sixty-five. One angry, befuddled cretin after another. There was no downtime between calls, because there were always several hundred morons in the call queue, all of them willing to wait on hold for hours to have a tech rep hold their hand and fix their problem. Why bother looking up the solution online? Why try to figure the problem out on your own when you could have someone else do your thinking for you?" -When Wade's work shift ends, he sees something he's been dreading: Art3mis has found the Jade Key. The chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223982) Date: May 12th, 2019 2:49 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler lol that 'POV' concept is so forced you have to wonder how late in the writing process he stumbled across twitch (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224225) Date: May 13th, 2019 9:55 AM Author: histrionic whorehouse depressive If no one can get onto his astroid unless he grants them access, why did he need to make it an underground "strong hold?" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38227509) Date: May 12th, 2019 1:46 PM Author: appetizing french chef space chaz, how familiar are you with cicada 3301? theres an example of an irl difficult puzzle that people managed to solve. lol @ "it took years for people to realize this d&d nut was referencing d&d" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223986) Date: May 12th, 2019 1:49 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Only know what's on Wikipedia. I'm not big into super-puzzles personally, since I'm not a 1337 hacker. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223999) Date: May 12th, 2019 1:58 PM Author: appetizing french chef space yeah, its a good counterpoint. sure there are nerd references (like recognizing a reference to neuromancer--something real nerds like). but theres also actual technical work involved to solve shit the idea that for billions of dollars nobody can spot a d&d reference which you say is not even obscure in d&d is truly galling. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224019) Date: May 12th, 2019 1:49 PM Author: appetizing french chef space dude literally cant comprehend the question raised itt: "Cline - what do you say to critics that say geek culture has been reduced to route memorization and trivial knowledge, as opposed to a deeper understanding of a creative's work? Negative reviews of Armada have focused on the palpable usage of pop culture as not much more than a roll call of in-jokes and obscure references for their own sake, nothing deeper. I'd love to hear your reaction. Give Award Share Report Save level 2 iamernestcline AMA Author 179 points · 3 years ago · edited 3 years ago I personally don't see any difference between culture and pop culture. Pop culture is the culture I grew up in - the only culture I've ever really known. And if something isn't considered a part of popular culture, then what is it? Unpopular culture? Why would you make an unpopular culture reference, unless you're trying to be obscure? I view pop culture references as just one of the many tools I have as a writer to tell my story and convey meaning to the reader. But I also do my best to make sure the story still works for readers who aren't familiar with any of the things I reference, just as I did with Ready Player One. In the end, you can't write to please critics - you have to write the kind of story you enjoy telling in the way you want to tell it, and trust that other people with a similar sensibility will enjoy reading it. level 3 Mo0man 14 points · 3 years ago You didn't really answer the question. The question would have remained functionally the same if the asker had just crossed out the "pop" part; spending the majority of your answer addressing this minor bit is, at best, a distraction from the question actually being asked. There was also no negative statement on pop culture in general, only in your specific use of it." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223995) Date: May 12th, 2019 6:37 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler "Why would you make an unpopular culture reference, unless you're trying to be obscure?" we need nuclear holocaust (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225032) Date: May 13th, 2019 9:57 AM Author: histrionic whorehouse depressive Tbf, I think he definitely understood the question. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38227514) Date: May 12th, 2019 3:02 PM Author: Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry i have to say that, although the storyline is utterly retarded, this whole exploration is entertaining enough that i understand why the book is successful (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224269) Date: May 12th, 2019 5:21 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook It’s a bad book, but the popularity is sadly comprehensible. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224725) Date: May 13th, 2019 12:38 AM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal It's a solid concept but with incredibly poor execution. Simple as that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38226656) Date: May 13th, 2019 9:18 AM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38227428) Date: May 13th, 2019 9:29 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Its not a solid concept because the idea of following a fictional character playing a fictional game that simulates a fun adventure is fundamentally boring (why not just read a fun adventure story?). And it wasn't even an original idea when it was first published. There are dozens of animes with this theme. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38227464) Date: May 14th, 2019 4:14 PM Author: Tantric forum pisswyrm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38234336) Date: May 13th, 2019 1:59 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 21 Chapter 21 -Wade briefly pauses the narrative (again) to discuss artifacts. Artifacts are unique items in the OASIS. They are extremely powerful and only one of each kind exists at any moment in the OASIS. For instance, an artifact called The Catalyst will, if used, instantly kill EVERY Avatar in an entire sector. Artifacts can be transferred, so they're occasionally put up for auction where they can sell for hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars. You can guess where this is going: IOI is believed to have hoarded most powerful artifacts, including one called Fyndaro's Tablet of Finding. This artifact lets the holder, once per day, see the location of an avatar wherever they are in the OASIS. Now that Art3mis has found the Jade Key, IOI will have a head start in catching up to her, since they'll know roughly where she was. -Anyway, IOI uses the tablet after Art3mis gets the key, so soon everybody knows the Jade Key is in Sector 7. Wade mopes for a bit, but then gets a surge of motivation. He's done wasting time. He wants to win and PROVE himself to his fat crush. -Since the Jade Key puzzle mentions collecting trophies, Wade decides to visit a small Sector 7 planet, "Archaide," that has digital replicas of Halliday's 5 Game Designer of the Year trophies, the only trophies Halliday himself ever collected (I guess Wade just never bothered to pursue this obvious lead until now!) -Wade preps his ship, which is named the Vonnegut (reference!) but is modeled after the Serenity in Firefly (another reference!). To get there, he takes an elevator, "which I’d modeled after the turbolift on the original Star Trek series." Reference #3! -How did Wade get his Firefly ship? Well, since you ask, Wade rather pointlessly describes, in detail, the long-ago fight that got him his ship. "I’d looted the Vonnegut from a cadre of Oviraptor clansmen who had foolishly attempted to hijack my X-wing while I was cruising through a large group of worlds in Sector Eleven known as the Whedonverse. The Oviraptors were cocky bastards with no clue who it was they were messing with. I was in a foul mood even before they’d opened fire on me. Otherwise, I probably would have just evaded them by jumping to light speed. But that day I decided to take their attack personally. "Ships were like most other items in the OASIS. Each one had specific attributes, weapons, and speed capabilities. My X-wing was far more maneuverable than the Oviraptors’ large transport ship, so it was no trouble for me to avoid the barrage from their aftermarket guns, while I bombarded them with laser bolts and proton torpedoes. After I disabled their engines, I boarded the ship and proceeded to kill every avatar there. The captain tried to apologize when he saw who I was, but I wasn’t in a forgiving mood. After I’d dispatched the crew, I parked my X-wing in the cargo hold and then cruised home in my new ship." -Wade is in enough of a hurry that he splurges on sending his ship through a stargate, basically an expensive teleporter for entire ships. This rather uneventful chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38226851) Date: May 13th, 2019 10:02 AM Author: histrionic whorehouse depressive If he was bombarding the cargo ship with lasers and torpedos, wouldn't he have destroyed it? Howd he manage to kill the crew without fucking up the ship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38227525) Date: May 13th, 2019 2:29 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 22 Chapter 22 -Wade approaches the planet Archaide, which stands out for how deliberately UN-realistic its graphics are: "[Archaide] was home to the OASIS’s largest classic videogame museum, and its appearance had been designed as a tribute to the vector-graphic games of the late ’70s and early ’80s. The planet’s only surface feature was a web of glowing green dots similar to the ground lights on an airport runway. They were spaced evenly across the globe in a perfect grid, so that, from orbit, Archaide resembled the vector-graphic Death Star from Atari’s 1983 Star Wars arcade game." -Even though it seems anybody on OASIS can play any old games whenever they want, I still kinda get the appeal of a virtual reality classic arcade. What I don't get is why the entire planet is a PVP zone + a "chaos" zone, where both technology and magic function. Anybody who has played an MMO knows that PVP zones will be full of people eager to pulverize weak avatars. Why would anybody go to an arcade when there's a big risk of getting their avatar killed and losing everything? -As Wade approaches the planet, he slips in another reference. From space it may look like one game, but up close, it looks like a DIFFERENT game!: "Here on the surface, Archaide looked exactly like the environment of the 1981 game Battlezone, another vector-graphic classic from Atari. In the distance, a triangular volcano spewed green pixels of lava. You could run toward that volcano for days and never reach it. It always remained at the horizon. Just like in an old videogame, the scenery never changed on Archaide, even if you circumnavigated the globe." -Oh, and we get a pointless music reference: "As I approached the nearest tunnel entrance, I heard loud music emanating from below. I recognized the song as 'Pour Some Sugar on Me' by Def Leppard, off their Hysteria album (Epic Records, 1987)." [Is the autistic record label reference supposed to be funny? I guess so.] -When Wade goes beneath the planet surface it becomes normal again. Archaide's underground contains hundreds of different arcade set-ups, each a recreation of a real arcade that once existed, ranging from epic ones to local pizzeries and bowling alleys. Wade has been here before just to explore idly; "I’d been to the core and had played both Tennis for Two and Spacewar! until I’d mastered them." -Wade's hypothesis about Halliday's Game Designer of the Year trophies is a bust, but then while wandering back to the surface he just LUCKS into a hidden clue: "I wandered through the maze of empty streets, then down a winding back alley that dead-ended by the entrance of a small pizza shop. "I froze in my tracks when I saw the name of the place. "It was called Happytime Pizza, and it was a replica of a small family-run pizza joint that had existed in Halliday’s hometown in the mid-1980s. Halliday appeared to have copied the code for Happytime Pizza from his Middletown simulation and hidden a duplicate of it here in the Archaide museum. What the hell was it doing here? I’d never seen its existence mentioned on any of the gunter message boards or strategy guides. Was it possible no one had ever spotted it before now?" -More musical references of no importance: "As I walked into the game room, I heard a Bryan Adams song blasting out of the speakers mounted on the carpeted walls. Bryan was singing about how, everywhere he went, the kids wanted to rock." -Wade notices an unplugged Pac-Man machine, and when he plugs it in he discovers his next challenge: "The high score at the top of the screen was 3,333,350 points. Several things were strange about this. In the real world, Pac-Man machines didn’t save their high score if they were unplugged. And the high-score counter was supposed to flip over at 1,000,000 points. But this machine displayed a high score of 3,333,350 points—just 10 points shy of the highest Pac-Man score possible. The only way to beat that score would be to play a perfect game. "I felt my pulse quicken. I’d uncovered something here. Some sort of Easter egg, hidden inside this old coin-op videogame. It wasn’t the Easter egg. Just an Easter egg. Some sort of challenge or puzzle, one I was almost certain had been created and placed here by Halliday. "I didn’t know if it had anything to do with the Jade Key. It might not be related to the egg at all. But there was only one way to find out. I would have to play a perfect game of Pac-Man." -Wade explains just how difficult a perfect Pac-Man game is: "You had to play all 256 levels perfectly, all the way up to the final split-screen. And you had to eat every single dot, energizer, fruit, and ghost possible along the way, without ever losing a single life. Less than twenty perfect games had been documented in the game’s sixty-year history. One of them, the fastest perfect game ever played, had been accomplished by James Halliday in just under four hours. He’d done it on an original Pac-Man machine located in the Gregarious Games break room. Because I knew Halliday loved the game, I’d already done a fair amount of research on Pac-Man. But I’d never managed to play a perfect game. Of course, I’d never really made a serious attempt. Up until now, I’d never had a reason to." -Wade naturally has a huge trove of PacMan ghost patterns and expert footage and PacMan cartoon episodes and blah blah blah. He studies them briefly, and then starts playing the game. He has several false starts that consume basically an entire day. "I was now on my eighth attempt, and I’d been playing for six hours straight. I was rockin’ like Dokken." -Then, as Wade begins literally the final screen, he's interrupted by a Scoreboard Alert. Aech has also obtained the Jade Key. But Wade keeps his focus, and clears the final screen, even nabbing the 9 invisible dots hidden in the glitched left half. He gets a perfect score, and for his efforts he gets to pick up a quarter that was previously fused to the surface of the machine. However, he doesn't get the Jade Key. For now, the purpose of the quarter is unclear. -Instead, Parzival gets an email notice from Aech, saying that they are now "even." Attached to the email is a scan of the instruction manual for Zork: "I’d played and solved Zork once, a long time ago, back during the first year of the Hunt. But I’d also played hundreds of other classic text adventure games that year [Really? Hundreds?], including all of Zork’s sequels, and so most of the details of the game had now faded in my memory." -Wade's big mistake was never reading the manual for Zork ("Most old text adventure games were pretty self-explanatory."). The game's cover art features a house in the background with boarded up windows and doors. A dwelling long neglected, and the hiding place for the Jade Key. Wade retreats back to his ship and jets off for Frobozz, a planet with a detailed recreation of the game Zork. The chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38228912) Date: May 13th, 2019 2:40 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal That was awfully nice of ex-BFF Aech. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38228963) Date: May 13th, 2019 2:41 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook I imagine it's repayment for the Jousting clue. Not a terribly bad development in this otherwise stupid book. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38228967) Date: May 13th, 2019 2:54 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter he just sits down and runs a perfect PacMan score, through 256 levels? this is like someone saying "yeah I used to bowl when I was a kid," then throwing three straight perfect games. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38229018) Date: May 13th, 2019 2:56 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook In fairness it does take him 8 attempts, but that's still pretty nutty if a perfect Pac-Man is anywhere near as hard as it sounds. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38229024) Date: May 13th, 2019 3:01 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Perfect Pac-Man: May 22, 2013 - 3hrs 28min 49sec (1 of 2) Published on May 30, 2013 This is my 5th perfect game and first time anyone has achieved a time under 3hrs 30min. This took place on the 33rd anniversary of the Japanese release. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqDaagdVCmo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38229042) Date: May 13th, 2019 3:45 PM Author: Swashbuckling faggotry lmao at that bro listening to a course on the muslim brotherhood/sharia in the background. his youtube acct is all pacman vids and conservative red meat (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38229322) Date: May 13th, 2019 4:12 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha yeah, he's a GAMER: Guys Against Muslim Expropriation of ameRica (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38229447) Date: May 14th, 2019 2:13 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231962) Date: May 13th, 2019 7:58 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 23 Chapter 23 -Frobozz is one of many rarely-visited planets in the XYZZY Cluster, a collection of worlds that are all tributes to old text adventures or MUD games. -Wade, a person who has had hyper-realistic virtual reality available for his entire life, is implausibly deeply impressed with primitive text adventure games: "The first text adventure game I’d ever played was called Colossal Cave, and initially the text-only interface had seemed incredibly simple and crude to me. But after playing for a few minutes, I quickly became immersed in the reality created by the words on the screen. Somehow, the game’s simple two-sentence room descriptions were able to conjure up vivid images in my mind’s eye." -Wade, and apparently everyone else in the world for about ten months, didn't notice that the Zork clue in the Jade Key puzzle was super obvious: "According to my grail diary, I’d played the game through to the end just once, all in one day, over four years ago. Since then, in a shocking display of unforgivable ignorance, I’d somehow forgotten two very important details about the game: 1. Zork began with your character standing outside a shuttered white house. 2. Inside the living room of that white house there was a trophy case. "To complete the game, every treasure you collected had to be returned to the living room and placed inside the trophy case. Finally, the rest of the Quatrain made sense. "The captain conceals the Jade Key in a dwelling long neglected But you can only blow the whistle once the trophies are all collected" -Wade teleports to Frobozz to save time, but he still has to hurry to get the Jade Key before the Sixers show up. As he begins progressing through the simulated version of the game, he notices some extra details not included in the original text: "I opened the fridge. It was full of junk food. Fossilized pizza, snack puddings, lunch meat, and a wide array of condiment packets. I checked the cupboards. They were filled with canned and dry goods. Rice, pasta, soup. "And cereal. One entire cupboard was crammed with boxes of vintage breakfast cereals, most of which had been discontinued before I’d been born. Fruit Loops [sic! It's Froot Loops], Honeycombs, Lucky Charms, Count Chocula, Quisp, Frosted Flakes. And hidden way at the back was a lone box of Cap’n Crunch. Printed clearly on the front of it were the words FREE TOY WHISTLE INSIDE! The captain conceals the Jade Key." -Wade completes Zork in 22 minutes, mercifully sparing us a long description of the game's events. He pockets the Jade Key, gets a vague clue ("Continue your quest by taking the test") and then jets off the planet just as the Sixers arrive and try to shoot him down. -Wade takes his ship in for repairs at an NPC-operated shop, and sends Aech an email thanking him plus apologizing for being "a colossally insensitive, self-centered asshole." As his ship is repaired, Wade watches news reports about the massive Sixer v. Gunter battle in Frobozz. Massive numbers of avatars are killed. As the chaos unfolds, Sorrento gets the Jade Key, but so does Shoto. Wade watches to see if Daito will also get the key, but instead his name disappears from the scoreboard entirely: His avatar has been killed. -Other than the 2nd clue once again being WAY too easy to justify taking half a year to solve, this chapter wasn't horribly bad. There weren't a ton of gratuitous references and Wade didn't go overboard in describing Zork. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38230574) Date: May 13th, 2019 8:26 PM Author: Bateful partner it's also Honeycomb (singular). If you already know how to get the keys, is it THAT big a deal to get killed? Just restart, go cop the first key (which came with extra points or whatever), buy more shit, then go get second key (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38230659) Date: May 13th, 2019 8:28 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook It does seem like a decent investment of time/money to get all the way to 99, but yeah, so far none of the actual challenges seem to have required being a high level (unless Zork's enemies needed it). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38230665) Date: May 13th, 2019 9:23 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha lol enemies. Zork has none, it's the primitive text-only ancestor to later graphical adventures like Monkey Island. Its a bad choice for a quest because any idiot with a walkthrough can beat it: https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/pc/564446-zork-i/faqs/65211 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38230949) Date: May 13th, 2019 9:41 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Are there at least monsters in the context of the adventure? In the book Wade isn’t playing the text adventure; he’s literally re-enacting the adventure itself. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231061) Date: May 13th, 2019 9:45 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha There are monsters but its not like an rpg where they have HP and you swing your sword at them to kill them. In general enemies are defeated via solving puzzles, e.g., using an item on them you found earlier. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231087) Date: May 13th, 2019 9:04 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma filfre.net has good articles on Infocom games for anyone who’s interested. My takeaway was that they were not really games as we think of them—more like weird puzzle boxes in text form. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38230821) Date: May 14th, 2019 12:33 AM Author: wonderful fortuitous meteor I played a few of these on an old PC in the late 80's / early 90's Nord and Bert Can't Make Head or Tail of It was just descriptions of scenes you solved by typing in short puns to advance (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231779) Date: May 14th, 2019 12:16 AM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon You are doing yeoman's work slogging through this for us. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231748) Date: May 14th, 2019 2:00 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 24 Chapter 24 -The Battle of Frobozz is a giant clusterfuck. The Sixers initially try to blockade the whole planet, but fail. Instead, they settle for controlling a chunk of the planet so that their avatars can efficiently get the Jade Key, without denying it to the rest of the gunters. Hundreds of IOI employees and gunters get the Jade Key. Overall, more than 5,000 names are on the scoreboard for at least getting the Copper Key (surprised it's that low tbh). -Wade is hopelessly puzzled by the Second Gate clue: "'Continue your quest by taking the test.' "Yes, but what test? What test was I supposed to take? The Kobayashi Maru? The Pepsi Challenge? Could the clue have been any more vague?" -Wade doesn't have long to think though, as after just a few hours, the Scoreboard updates: The Sixers, led by Sorrento, have already figured out the Second Gate and taken the lead. Wade takes the news poorly: "I suddenly felt ill, and I was also having a difficult time breathing. I realized I must be having some sort of panic attack. A total and complete freak-out. A massive mental meltdown. Whatever you want to call it. I went a little nuts. I tried calling Aech, but he didn’t pick up. Either he was still pissed off at me, or he had other, more pressing matters to attend to. I was about to call Shoto, but then I remembered that his brother’s avatar had just been killed. He probably wasn’t in a very receptive mood. "I considered flying to Benatar to try to get Art3mis to talk to me, but then I came to my senses. She’d had the Jade Key in her possession for several days, and she still hadn’t been able to clear the Second Gate. Learning that the Sixers had done it in less than twenty-four hours had probably driven her into a psychotic rage. Or maybe a catatonic stupor. She probably didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now, least of all me. I tried calling her anyway. As usual, she didn’t answer." -It gets worse, though. Two days later, Sorrento's score goes up even more: He's found the Crystal Key. IOI is now on the brink of winning the entire tournament. Wade's reaction sounds like a Reddit comment: "Up until now, the Sixers had only made progress by tracking Art3mis, Aech, or me. How had those same clueless asshats found the Second Gate on their own? Maybe they’d just gotten lucky. Or perhaps they’d discovered some new and innovative way to cheat. How else could they have solved the riddle so quickly, when Art3mis hadn’t been able to do it with several days’ head start? My brain felt like hammered Play-Doh. I couldn’t make any sense of the clue printed on the Jade Key. I was completely out of ideas." -Wade decides on what he'll do once IOI wins the contest: "First, I would choose one of the kids in my official fan club, someone with no money and a first-level newbie avatar, and give her every item I owned. Then I would activate the self-destruct sequence on my stronghold and sit in my command center while the whole place went up in a massive thermonuclear explosion. My avatar would die and GAME OVER would appear in the center of my display. Then I would rip off my visor and leave my apartment for the first time in six months. I would ride the elevator up to the roof. Or maybe I would even take the stairs. Get a little exercise. "There was an arboretum on the roof of my apartment building. I had never visited it, but I’d seen photos and admired the view via webcam. A transparent Plexiglas barrier had been installed around the ledge to keep people from jumping, but it was a joke. At least three determined individuals had managed to climb over it since I’d moved in. I would sit up there and breathe the unfiltered city air for a while, feeling the wind on my skin. Then I would scale the barrier and hurl myself over the side." -As Wade wallows in misery, he gets a call from Shoto: Apparently Daito left him something in his digital "will," and wants to give it to him. Wade asks why Daito is leaving him an item rather than just having his brother hold it while he makes a new avatar. Shoto says his brother won't be making a new avatar, and he'll explain why when they meet in person (lol, the book says "in person" but it's actually in the OASIS). Another short chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38233719) Date: May 14th, 2019 2:41 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 25 Chapter 25 -Shoto arrives at Wade's asteroid base on his ship, which is a pair of references: "Shoto’s vessel was a large interplanetary trawler named the Kurosawa, modeled after a ship called the Bebop in the classic anime series Cowboy Bebop." -As Shoto enters, his avatar is wearing black mourning robes. Another reference drops: "I led him up to one of my stronghold’s rarely used “sitting rooms,” a re-creation of the living room set from Family Ties. Shoto recognized the decor and nodded his silent approval." -Shoto reveals that he is in deep mourning because his brother didn't simply lose his avatar: The Sixers actually murdered him in real life: "'They broke into his apartment, pulled him out of his haptic chair, and threw him off his balcony. He lived on the forty-third floor.' "Shoto opened a browser window in the air beside us. It displayed a Japanese newsfeed article. I tapped it with my index finger, and the Mandarax software translated the text to English. The headline was ANOTHER OTAKU SUICIDE. The brief article below said that a young man, Toshiro Yoshiaki, age twenty-two, had jumped to his death from his apartment, located on the forty-third floor of a converted hotel in Shinjuku, Tokyo, where he lived alone. I saw a school photo of Toshiro beside the article. He was a young Japanese man with long, unkempt hair and bad skin. He didn’t look anything like his OASIS avatar." -Wade asks if Daito may have genuinely committed suicide. Shoto replies "No, Daito did not commit seppuku. I’m sure of it." But "seppuku" isn't the Japanese word for suicide (that's "jisatsu"); it means "belly-cutting" and refers specifically to the samurai ritual of belly-cutting. This seems like a Cline fuck-up. -Wade and Shoto reveal their real names to each other. Shoto then reveals that Daito wasn't actually his brother: "My relationship with Daito is difficult to explain. We were not brothers. Not in real life. Just in the OASIS. Do you understand? We only knew each other online. I never actually met him." -It turns out Daito and Shoto were both hikikomori, some of the millions of Japanese men and women who have secluded themselves from society entirely to live in the OASIS. They became friends and partners when the Egg Hunt began: "They made a perfect team, because Toshiro was a prodigy at videogames, while the much younger Akihide was well versed in American pop culture." -Wade then relates a quite long (3 or so pages) description of Daito's final fight, just...cuz, I suppose. Daito and Shoto arrive on Frobozz, and while Shoto gets the Jade Key, Daito uses their artifact to turn into Ultraman and kick ass. For some reason, Wade includes the tension that Daito has to revert from his Ultraman form within three minutes or his avatar will die, even though we already have learned that Daito was murdered IN REAL LIFE during this fight. Anyway, Daito kills a lot of Sixers and destroys a lot of gunships, but then they break into his apartment and kill him. Cline throws in an entire paragraph explaining the consequences of logging-out mid fight: "Logging out of your OASIS account while you were engaged in combat was the same thing as committing suicide. During the log-out sequence, your avatar froze in place for sixty seconds, during which time you were totally defenseless and susceptible to attack. The log-out sequence was designed this way to prevent avatars from using it as an easy way to escape a fight. You had to stand your ground or retreat to a safe location before you could log out. Daito’s log-out sequence had been engaged at the worst possible moment. As soon as his avatar froze, he began to take heavy laser and gunfire from all directions. The red warning light on his chest began to flash faster and faster until it finally went solid red. When that happened, Daito’s giant form fell over and collapsed. As he fell, he barely missed crushing Shoto and the Kurosawa. As he hit the ground, his avatar’s body transformed and shrank back to its normal size and appearance. Then it began to disappear altogether, slowly fading out of existence. When Daito’s avatar vanished completely, it left behind a small pile of spinning items on the ground—everything he’d been carrying in his inventory, including the Beta Capsule. He was dead." -Anyway, Daito is out, and he leaves Wade the Beta Capsule: "Its size and shape reminded me of the lightsabers I owned. But lightsabers were a dime a dozen. I had over fifty in my collection. There was only one Beta Capsule, and it was a far more powerful weapon." -Shoto says his goal is no longer finding the egg, but getting revenge on IOI. In response, Wade gives Shoto a powerful SAMURAI SWORD: "I walked over and took down one of the samurai swords mounted on the wall and presented it to Shoto. 'Please,' I said. 'Accept this gift. To aid you in your new quest.' "Shoto took the sword and drew its ornate blade a few inches from the scabbard. 'A Masamune?' he asked, staring at the blade in wonder. "I nodded. 'Yes. And it’s a plus-five Vorpal Blade, too.' "Shoto bowed again to show his gratitude. 'Arigato.' "We rode the elevator back down to my hangar in silence. Just before he boarded his ship, "Shoto turned to me. 'How long do you think it will take the Sixers to clear the Third Gate?' he asked. "'I don’t know,' I said. 'Hopefully, long enough for us to catch up with them.' "'It’s not over until the fat lady is singing, right?' "I nodded. 'It’s not over until it’s over. And it’s not over yet.'" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38233888) Date: May 14th, 2019 3:56 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma hikikomori typically live at home and are enabled by their parents. that's kind of the point: if you don't have a job and you don't leave the house, you need people to provide for your basic needs. how does he even get weeabooing wrong (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38234246) Date: May 14th, 2019 4:11 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Cline does mention that hikikomori "rely on their families to bring them food," so it's not quite that bad (it also makes them better than Wade himself, ljl). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38234320) Date: May 15th, 2019 12:37 PM Author: free-loading zombie-like toaster I feel like with some minor retconning you could have Christian Nation and Ready Player One exist in the same universe. Christian nation finally overthrown in 2020s after massive civil war and county is still realing years later. No pop culture created for a few decades which explains why people are obsessed with the 80s. Halliday goes underground to maintain geek culture, and debuts OASIS when the war is over. The former Purity Web people found IOI. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38238298) Date: May 16th, 2019 10:38 AM Author: Comical Hominid (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243081) Date: May 15th, 2019 2:44 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 26 Chapter 26 -A few hours after Shoto leaves, Wade figures out the Second Gate puzzle, by abruptly making a connection to Blade Runner: "In my other hand, I held the silver foil wrapper. My eyes darted from the key to the wrapper and back to the key again as I tried desperately to make the connection between them. I’d been doing this for hours, and it wasn’t getting me anywhere. "I sighed and put the key away, then laid the wrapper flat on the control panel in front of me. I carefully smoothed out all of its folds and wrinkles. The wrapper was square in shape, six inches long on each edge. Silver foil on one side, dull white paper on the other. I pulled up some image-analysis software and made a high-resolution scan of both sides of the wrapper. Then I magnified both images on my display and studied every micrometer. I couldn’t find any markings or writing anywhere, on either side of the wrapper’s surface. I was eating some corn chips at the time [Didn't he earlier say he adjusted his diet to be healthier? Guess not lol], so I was using voice commands to operate the image-analysis software. I instructed it to demagnify the scan of the wrapper and center the image on my display. As I did this, it reminded me of a scene in Blade Runner, where Harrison Ford’s character, Deckard, uses a similar voice-controlled scanner to analyze a photograph. "I held up the wrapper and took another look at it. As the virtual light reflected off its foil surface, I thought about folding the wrapper into a paper airplane and sailing it across the room. That made me think of origami, which reminded me of another moment from Blade Runner. One of the final scenes in the film. And that was when it hit me. "'The unicorn,' I whispered. "The moment I said the word “unicorn” aloud, the wrapper began to fold on its own, there in the palm of my hand. The square piece of foil bent itself in half diagonally, creating a silver triangle. It continued to bend and fold itself into smaller triangles and even smaller diamond shapes until at last it formed a four-legged figure that then sprouted a tail, a head, and finally, a horn. "The wrapper had folded itself into a silver origami unicorn. One of the most iconic images from Blade Runner. I was already riding the elevator down to my hangar and shouting at Max to prep the Vonnegut for takeoff. "'Continue your quest by taking the test.' Now I knew exactly what “test” that line referred to, and where I needed to go to take it. The origami unicorn had revealed everything to me." -Even XOpos should realize by now that the "test" Wade has to take is the Voight-Kampff test from Blade Runner. It took Wade several days to think of it, even though it's easily one of the most famous "tests" in pop culture, and even though it's [naturally] yet another film Wade has watched over and over until he has it completely memorized: "Blade Runner was referenced in the text of Anorak’s Almanac no less than fourteen times. It had been one of Halliday’s top ten all-time favorite films. And the film was based on a novel by Philip K. Dick, one of Halliday’s favorite authors. For these reasons, I’d seen Blade Runner over four dozen times and had memorized every frame of the film and every line of dialogue." -Normally, Wade would have to worry about the Sixers barricading the Second Gate, but Cline has thought of a creative plot loophole around it: The Tyrell Building that holds the Voight-Kampff machine is actually a default template structure in the OASIS, used as generic background filler on hundreds of planets. Wade guesses that any copy of the building should have an entrance to the gate. -Template or not, though, to reach the Voight-Kampff machine Wade has a short completely tension-free FIGHT SCENE: "As I rode the elevator down to the 440th floor, I powered on my armor and drew my guns. Five security checkpoints stood between the elevator and the room I needed to reach. Unless the template had been altered, fifty NPC Tyrell security guard replicants would be standing between me and my destination. "The shooting started as soon as the elevator doors slid open. I had to kill seven skin jobs before I could even make it out of the elevator car and into the hallway. "The next ten minutes played out like the climax of a John Woo movie. One of the ones starring Chow Yun Fat, like Hard Boiled or The Killer. I switched both of my guns to autofire and held down the triggers as I moved from one room to the next, mowing down every NPC in my path. The guards returned fire, but their bullets pinged harmlessly off my armor. I never ran out of ammo, because each time I fired a round, a new round was teleported into the bottom of the clip. "My bullet bill this month was going to be huge." -Wade reaches the Voight-Kampff machine, but mercifully we don't have to read him reciting all the answers to the test. Instead, the machine simply opens up to insert the Jade Key. Wade enters the second gate. It teleports him to a recreation of Halliday's childhood bowling alley. An irresistible force sucks Wade into the alley's arcade, and from there into an arcade machine for Capcom's 1987 platformer Black Tiger. Wade is psyched, because, naturally, Black Tiger is another thing he memorized and mastered long ago: "In one of the earliest journal entries in Anorak’s Almanac, Halliday wrote that whenever his parents would start screaming at each other, he would sneak out of the house and ride his bike to the local bowling alley to play Black Tiger, because it was a game he could beat on just one quarter. AA 23:234: 'For one quarter, Black Tiger lets me escape from my rotten existence for three glorious hours. Pretty good deal.' "Black Tiger had first been released in Japan under its original title Burakku Doragon. Black Dragon. The game had been renamed for its American release. I’d deduced that the black dragon painting on the wall of Anorak’s study had been a subtle hint that Burakku Doragon would play a key role in the Hunt. So I’d studied the game until, like Halliday, I could reach the end on just one credit. After that, I continued to play it every few months, just to keep from getting rusty." -But, sike! Wade doesn't have to play Black Tiger. He has to LIVE Black Tiger: "I looked down at my avatar’s body. I now looked exactly like the hero of Black Tiger—a muscular, half-naked barbarian warrior dressed in an armored thong and a horned helmet. My right arm disappeared in a strange metal gauntlet, from which hung a long retractable chain with a spiked metal ball on the end. My right hand deftly held three throwing daggers. When I hurled them off in the black void at my right, three more identical daggers instantly appeared in my hand. When I tried jumping, I discovered that I could leap thirty feet straight up and land back on my feet with catlike grace. "Now I understood. I was about to play Black Tiger, all right. But not the fifty-year-old, 2-D, side-scrolling platform game that I had mastered. I was now standing inside a new, immersive, three-dimensional version of the game that Halliday had created. My knowledge of the original game’s mechanics, levels, and enemies would definitely come in handy, but the game play was going to be completely different, and it would require an entirely different set of skills. "The First Gate had placed me inside one of Halliday’s favorite movies, and now the Second Gate had put me inside one of his favorite videogames. While I was pondering the implication of this pattern, a message began to flash on my display: GO! "I looked around. An arrow etched into the stone wall on my left pointed the way forward. I stretched my arms and legs, cracked my knuckles, and took a deep breath. Then, readying my weapons, I ran forward, leaping from platform to platform, to confront the first of my adversaries." -Admittedly, this is a much more interesting setup than Cline describing Wade re-enacting Wargames or playing Pac-Man. So, naturally, he doesn't actually describe Wade playing through Black Tiger. Instead, he just jumps straight to him beating the gate: "I managed to clear all eight levels of the game in just under three hours [YouTube playthroughs suggest the game only takes 50 minutes to beat, but w/e]. The closest I came to death was during my battle with the final boss, the Black Dragon, who, of course, looked exactly like the beast depicted in the painting in Anorak’s study. I’d used up all of my extra lives, and my vitality bar was almost at zero, but I managed to keep moving and stay clear of the dragon’s fiery breath while I slowly knocked down his life meter with a steady barrage of throwing daggers. When I struck the final killing blow, the dragon crumbled into digital dust in front of me. I let out a long, exhausted sigh of relief." -Once Wade clears the gate, a wizard appears on the arcade screen and gives him the chance to choose a giant robot. Despite supposedly competing to win the contest, Wade chooses his favorite bot instead of the strongest possible one: "A long row of robot icons appeared below the wise man, stretching across the screen horizontally. By moving the joystick left or right, I found that I was able to scroll through a selection of over a hundred different “giant robots.” When one of these robots was highlighted, a detailed list of its stats and weaponry appeared on the screen beside it. There were several robots I didn’t recognize, but most were familiar. I spotted Gigantor, Tranzor Z, the Iron Giant, Jet Jaguar, the sphinx-headed Giant Robo from Johnny Sokko and His Flying Robot, the entire Shogun Warriors toy line, and many of the mechs featured in both the Macross and Gundam anime series. Eleven of these icons were grayed out and had a red “X” over them, and these robots could not be identified or selected. I knew they must be the ones taken by Sorrento and the other Sixers who had cleared this gate before me. "It seemed possible that I was about to be awarded a real, working recreation of whichever robot I selected, so I studied my options carefully, searching for the one I thought would be the most powerful and well armed. But I stopped cold when I saw Leopardon, the giant transforming robot used by Supaidaman, the incarnation of Spider-Man who appeared on Japanese TV in the late 1970s. I’d discovered Supaidaman during the course of my research and had become somewhat obsessed with the show. So I didn’t care if Leopardon was the most powerful robot available. I had to have him, regardless." -Wade gets a foot-tall replica of Leapardon, and then gets his next clue: A Crystal Key spinning inside a red circle with a glowing star inside it. Wade immediately knows where he needs to go, but we have to wait for the next chapter to start. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38238985) Date: May 15th, 2019 2:53 PM Author: hairless legend FUCK (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38239038) Date: May 15th, 2019 3:05 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha ""Black Tiger had first been released in Japan under its original title Burakku Doragon. Black Dragon. The game had been renamed for its American release." Does Cline not actually know that "Burakku Doragon" is just the closest Japanese phonetic approximation to the English words "Black Dragon"? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38239126) Date: May 15th, 2019 3:25 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook I wouldn't sweat it too much. The "seppuku" fuckup last chapter is far more glaring. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38239219) Date: May 16th, 2019 10:47 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Hate to admit it, but Black Tiger was one of my favourite arcade games from that time and unusually for RP1 from the late 80s. It was never hugely popular. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243133) Date: May 15th, 2019 8:10 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 27 Chapter 27 -Wade knows exactly where to go because the hint he saw was, naturally, the cover of Rush's album 2112: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Ck2KgCJBX1Q/maxresdefault.jpg -It turns out Rush was Clin-, I mean, Halliday's favorite band, so of course Wade has a mountain of information memorized about them: "Rush had been Halliday’s favorite band, from his teens onward. He’d once revealed in an interview that he’d coded every single one of his videogames (including the OASIS) while listening exclusively to Rush albums. He often referred to Rush’s three members—Neil Peart, Alex Lifeson, and Geddy Lee—as “the Holy Trinity” or 'the Gods of the North.' In my grail diary, I had every single Rush song, album, bootleg, and music video ever made. I had high-res scans of all their liner notes and album artwork. Every frame of Rush concert footage in existence. Every radio and television interview the band had ever done. Unabridged biographies on each band member, along with copies of their side projects and solo work. I pulled up the band’s discography and selected the album I was looking for: 2112, Rush’s classic sci-fi–themed concept album." -Memorized knowledge of Rush's lyrics tells Wade where the Key is hidden: "2112’s title track is an epic seven-part song, over twenty minutes in length. The song tells the story of an anonymous rebel living in the year 2112, a time when creativity and self-expression have been outlawed. The red star on the album’s cover was the symbol of the Solar Federation, the oppressive interstellar society in the story. The Solar Federation was controlled by a group of 'priests,' who are described in Part II of the song, titled 'The Temples of Syrinx.' Its lyrics told me exactly where the Crystal Key was hidden: We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx Our great computers fill the hallowed halls. We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx All the gifts of life are held within our walls." -It turns out there is an entire planet called Syrinx, so Wade heads straight there. It's a desolate rock planet with no NPCs, so ordinarily there is no reason to visit it at all. Despite that, it still has more than a thousand copies of Megadon, the city named in Rush's 2112 liner notes. Wade says this means he can easily land on the planet and find the key without Sixer interference. He seems to have totally forgotten that the Sixers have an artifact that can pinpoint his exact location once a day. Presumably, they could simply camp somewhere on Syrinx and press it once a day, with okay odds of catching him and then overwhelming him with troops. But I guess that plot device only mattered for the Jade Key, because Wade doesn't mention it at all. -Wade uses the 2112 liner notes to find a guitar hidden in a cave. He knows the exact model, and another reference tells him what to do next: "I recognized its design from the 2112 concert footage I’d watched during the trip here. It was a 1974 Gibson Les Paul, the exact guitar used by Alex Lifeson during the 2112 tour. I grinned at the absurd Arthurian image of the guitar in the stone. Like every gunter, I’d seen John Boorman’s film Excalibur many times, so it seemed obvious what I should do next. I reached out with my right hand, grasped the neck of the guitar, and pulled. The guitar came free of the stone with a prolonged metallic shhingggg!" -At this moment, Wade reveals a previously-unmentioned talent. Even though he's only ever played in the Oasis, and had nothing but haptic gloves to play with until six months ago, he's a guitar prodigy. And those prodigious skills give him a SECRET CLUE: "But then an idea occurred to me and I froze. James Halliday had taken guitar lessons for a few years in high school. That was what had first inspired me to learn to play. I’d never held an actual guitar, but on a virtual axe, I could totally shred. I searched my inventory and found a guitar pick. Then I opened my grail diary and pulled up the sheet music for 2112, along with the guitar tablature for the song 'Discovery,' which describes the hero’s discovery of the guitar in a room hidden behind a waterfall. As I began to play the song, the sound of the guitar blasted off the chamber walls and back out through the cave, despite the absence of any electricity or amplifiers. When I finished playing the first measure of “Discovery,” a message briefly appeared, carved into the stone from which I’d pulled the guitar. The first was ringed in red metal The second, in green stone The third is clearest crystal and cannot be unlocked alone" -Wade deduces that the arrogant Sixers probably didn't think to play the song on the guitar, so they don't have this special clue for unlocking the Third Gate. -Wade returns the guitar to the Temple of Syrinx and is rewarded with the Crystal Key. The only clue on it is a stylized letter A, the symbol of Anorak, Halliday's avatar. The symbol sits on the front of Castle Anorak, which sits on the planet Cthonia, a precise recreation of Halliday's high school D&D campaign. Nobody has ever successfully entered Castle Anorak, so Wade concludes that the Third Gate must be there. -Wade travels to Cthonia, but it has already been transformed into a fortress, with the entire Sixer army surrounding it. Penetrating their perimeter around Castle Anorak turns out to be literally impossible, due to an OP artifact they have: "Later that night, several high-level gunter wizards finished casting a series of divination spells on the castle and announced on the message boards that the shield around the castle was generated by a powerful artifact called the Orb of Osuvox, which could only be operated by a wizard who was ninety-ninth level. According to the artifact’s item description, it could create a spherical shield around itself, with a circumference of up to half a kilometer. This shield was impenetrable and indestructible and could vaporize just about anything that touched it. It could also be kept up indefinitely, as long as the wizard operating the orb remained immobile and kept both hands on the artifact. In the days that followed, gunters tried everything they could think of to penetrate the shield. Magic. Technology. Teleportation. Counterspells. Other artifacts. Nothing worked. There was no way to get inside." Things seem hopeless, but against all odds, Wade has a plan. He messages Aech, Art3mis, and Shoto and tells them how to clear the Second Gate and get the Crystal Key. Then, he launches the more dangerous part, and Part 2 ends: "I was going to reach the Third Gate, or die trying." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38240616) Date: May 15th, 2019 8:34 PM Author: slimy library halford (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38240771) Date: May 15th, 2019 9:02 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38240917) Date: May 15th, 2019 9:28 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38241042) Date: May 15th, 2019 10:18 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38241314) Date: May 16th, 2019 10:36 AM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha With their 1976 concept album 2112, Canadian band Rush achieved the pinnacle of 80's pop culture. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243072) Date: May 15th, 2019 9:56 PM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan Doing God's work here. No interest in actually reading the book, but I want to see how this ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38241211) Date: May 16th, 2019 10:44 AM Author: hairless legend (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243117) Date: May 15th, 2019 11:39 PM Author: slimy library halford im assuming that xoxo is part of a similar multiyear scavanger hunt, and that the Load Bearing Slash is the first easter egg that remains unsolved (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38241734) Date: May 16th, 2019 10:31 AM Author: amber den friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243041) Date: May 16th, 2019 11:11 AM Author: Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry it's not unsolved, it's a hash cipher that details how to have sex with men for money when unencrypted luis has been on the top of the leaderboard for years (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243279) Date: May 16th, 2019 11:11 AM Author: Crimson disturbing corner That's why we're here all day endlessly studying xo content (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243281) Date: May 16th, 2019 11:14 AM Author: free-loading zombie-like toaster I’ve watched “Hate Crime (2012)” 53 times. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243298) Date: May 16th, 2019 7:55 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38245844) Date: May 16th, 2019 10:09 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246610) Date: May 21st, 2019 5:05 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38267765) Date: May 28th, 2019 10:07 AM Author: know-it-all address national security agency (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38300480) Date: May 16th, 2019 8:56 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 28 Chapter 28 -And we're into Part 3! The opening quote is from Anorak's Almanac again: "Going outside is highly overrated. —Anorak’s Almanac, Chapter 17, Verse 32." -Wade's secret plan begins while he's watching yet another film that he has apparently watched dozens of times: "When the IOI corporate police came to arrest me, I was right in the middle of the movie Explorers (1985, directed by Joe Dante). It’s about three kids who build a spaceship in their backyard and then fly off to meet aliens. Easily one of the greatest kid flicks ever made. I’d gotten into the habit of watching it at least once a month. It kept me centered." -Wait, corporate police? Yeah, Cline is about to drop another bit of worldbuilding. Modern America has debt slavery. The "IOI Indentured Servant Retrieval Transport" arrives and unloads "four jackbooted, riot-helmeted dropcops." Really? They're wearing jackboots? Shin or even knee-length leather boots used for marching? Would those really be practical for militarized police? Modern SWAT teams don't seem to wear them: https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/58ce98581400008b060704e1.jpg?ops=scalefit_720_noupscale Hm. -The dropcops and some suit come up to take Wade into debt slavery: "'My name is Michael Wilson, and I’m with the Credit and Collections division of Innovative Online Industries.' He consulted his clipboard. 'I’m here because you have failed to make the last three payments on your IOI Visa card, which has an outstanding balance in excess of twenty thousand dollars. Our records also show that you are currently unemployed and have therefore been classified as impecunious. Under current federal law, you are now eligible for mandatory indenturement. You will remain indentured until you have paid your debt to our company in full, along with all applicable interest, processing and late fees, and any other charges or penalties that you incur henceforth.” Wilson motioned toward the dropcops. 'These gentlemen are here to assist me in apprehending you and escorting you to your new place of employment. We request that you open your door and grant us access to your residence. Please be aware that we are authorized to seize any personal belongings you have inside. The sale value of these items will, of course, be deducted from your outstanding credit balance.'" -It takes them a while to get in, because Wade has used his meager income to turn his OASIS cave into an implausibly-secure fortress: "The other welder moved a few feet farther down and began to cut a hole right through the wall of my apartment. These guys had access to the building’s security specs, so they knew the walls of each apartment were lined with steel plating and a layer of concrete, which they could cut through much more quickly than the titanium WarDoor. "Of course, I’d taken the precaution of reinforcing my apartment’s walls, floor, and ceiling, with a titanium alloy SageCage, which I’d assembled piece by piece. Once they cut through my wall, they would have to cut through the cage, too. But this would buy me only five or six extra minutes, at the most. Then they would be inside. "I’d heard that dropcops had a nickname for this procedure—cutting an indent out of a fortified residence so they could arrest him. They called it doing a C-section. I dry-swallowed two of the antianxiety pills I’d ordered in preparation for this day. I’d already taken two earlier that morning, but they didn’t seem to be working." -As they bust in, Wade initiates a self-destruct sequence on his OASIS rig by typing in "Shitstorm." The hard-drive deletes itself, and in incendiary device melts the machine. As a dropcop enters, "It occurred to me then that this cop was the first visitor I’d ever had in my apartment in all the time I’d lived there." [I guess the guys who installed all the steel and concrete security don't count] -"When the dropcop finished strapping on the ball gag, he grabbed me by the exoskeleton of my haptic suit, yanked me out of my haptic chair like a rag doll, and threw me on the floor. The other dropcop hit the kill switch that opened my WarDoor, and the last two dropcops rushed in, followed by Wilson the suit. I curled into a ball on the floor and closed my eyes. I started to shake involuntarily. I tried to prepare myself for what I knew was about to happen next. "They were going to take me outside. "'Mr. Lynch,' Wilson said, smiling. 'I hereby place you under corporate arrest.'" -Wade is taken down to the police van and hast some...interesting co-prisoners: "The indent on my right was a tall, thin guy, probably a few years older than me. He looked like he might be suffering from malnutrition. The other indent was morbidly obese, and I couldn’t be sure of the person’s gender. I decided to think of him as male. His face was obscured by a mop of dirty blond hair, and something that looked like a gas mask covered his nose and mouth. A thick black tube ran from the mask down to a nozzle on the floor. I wasn’t sure of its purpose until he lurched forward, drawing his restraints tight, and vomited into the mask. I heard a vacuum activate, sucking the indent’s regurgitated Oreos down the tube and into the floor. I wondered if they stored it in an external tank or just dumped it on the street. Probably a tank. IOI would probably have his vomit analyzed and put the results in his file." -IOI's highly-efficient operation immediately begins seizing all of Wade's stuff: "A repair crew would patch the outer wall and replace the door. IOI would be billed, and the cost of the repairs would be added to my outstanding debt to the company. By midafternoon, the lucky gunter who was next on the apartment building’s waiting list would get a message informing him that a unit had opened up, and by this evening, the new tenant would probably already be moved in. By the time the sun went down, all evidence that I’d ever lived there would be totally erased." -To keep Wade calm, the guards slap a visor on his face that has a rudimentary simulation of a pleasant beach. Wade takes it off, because "I hadn’t been out here in the real world for a long time, and I wanted to see how it had changed." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246144) Date: May 16th, 2019 9:37 PM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan Where is chapter 28 you motherfucker? Btw, I'm eagerly awaiting the conclusion. Pls also post a lengthy analysis of the book as a whole when you finish. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246375) Date: May 16th, 2019 9:41 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Whoops, the above was Ch 28. The book uses a weird font for the chapter numbers that is hard to read. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246401) Date: May 16th, 2019 9:49 PM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan I feel like you could have savaged this chapter a lot more, although merely copying and pasting some of these passages is devastating in its own right. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246486) Date: May 16th, 2019 10:23 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook You're right. I was lulled a bit by how the last few chapters have been low on specific things to mock. A few more thoughts: -Wade describes this process of extracting people from hyper-secure apartments as a routine thing that police (or corporate cops) do all the time. Are THAT many people really turning their apartments into steel fortresses? Wouldn't that be hugely expensive, and isn't this a time of tremendous energy shortages and poverty? Besides the cost of installation, in an energy-scarce future steel and concrete would be more expensive, as would transporting it. At the least, it seems like the people making armored cocoons would be more well-off and unlikely to have the police come and seize them. How often are shitty ghetto houses in the hood hard for police to penetrate today? -That hyper-obese person of unclear gender that Wade sees is, disturbingly, by far the most memorable image he's provided in this whole book. But this circles back to something we saw at the start: Wade says food is so scarce that many people are starving. Is there really a shut-in debtor eating so much junk food that he became morbidly obese? Does the concept of jhunk food even make much sense in a world of food scarcity? -Wade makes a big deal out of delaying the debt police as long as possible with his super-security, but it's actually totally irrelevant. He just logs out and initiates the self-destruct as soon as they arrive at the building, and surrenders as soon as they walk in. The whole sequence seems included just to make the arrest feel more "epic." -How many movies are we at that Wade has watched ten-plus times? At least six John Hughes movies, Ladyhawke, Blade Runner, Wargames, Explorers, Ghostbusters, Real Genius, Better Off Dead, and Revenge of the Nerds. FFS, when did he watch the hundreds of OTHER movies he claimed to watch. He's always RE-watching things. Gah. And the most absurd one is actually yet to come. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246676) Date: May 17th, 2019 6:02 AM Author: Talking heady national Also I think your earlier estimate of how much time all that stuff would have taken was based on a single viewing, when in reality he describes being an *expert* in a shitload of TV shows (in addition to all the movies you mentioned). Speaking from experience with the Simpsons, it takes years of repeat viewings to really memorize that stuff. Would be interesting how different things would have been if it were written with a team approach where you had to assemble teams of specialists. But whatever, I don't think it detracts from the story, it's just lol. Good thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38247700) Date: May 17th, 2019 6:17 PM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan "OF COURSE, I'd taken the precaution of reinforcing my apartment . . ." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38250777) Date: May 18th, 2019 1:56 AM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon Had the same thought, glad Charles returned to SAVAGE that part. What was the point?? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38252186) Date: May 20th, 2019 9:28 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook An engineer friend now informs me that titanium isn’t as hard to cut through as Cline believes, and steel + concrete would make a better, harder-to-breach barrier. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38260159) Date: May 19th, 2019 1:19 AM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal ? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38255535) Date: May 19th, 2019 11:21 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 29 Chapter 29 -After only 8 months or so, Columbus seems to have gotten far worse than it was before: "The number of homeless people seemed to have increased drastically. Tents and cardboard shelters lined the streets, and the public parks I saw seemed to have been converted into refugee camps. As the transport rolled deeper into the city’s skyscraper core, I saw people clustered on every street corner and in every vacant lot, huddled around burning barrels and portable fuel-cell heaters. Others waited in line at the free solar charging stations, wearing bulky, outdated visors and haptic gloves. Their hands made small, ghostly gestures as they interacted with the far more pleasant reality of the OASIS via one of GSS’s free wireless access points." This description is kinda funny. For Cline, writing in 2011, homeless people taking over every public park and building tent cities everywhere is a sign of late-stage collapse, shocking even to Wade who has grown up in a broken society. Of course, in real life, the scenario he describes is Seattle and San Francisco RIGHT NOW. That said, for now it's unclear why things are so much worse now than they were six months ago. Would the number of homeless people really GROW in the winter time? It seems they'd be more likely to seek shelter or warmer climates in such cases. Also, modern homelessness is built in large part on abundance; vagrants are able to survive as pests who pick up the dumped surplus of a rich society. If things are as bad as Wade describes, it seems far more likely that society would crack down on the homeless by treating them as a dangerous criminal element. -The car takes Wade to IOI's corporate headquarters complex, where he is taken to an Indentured Employee Induction Center. There are hundreds of other indents there, and apparently almost all of them are hardcore OASIS addicts like Wade: "There seemed to be an equal number of men and women, but it was hard to tell, because nearly everyone shared my pale complexion and total lack of body hair, and we all wore the same gray jumpsuits and gray plastic shoes. We looked like extras from THX 1138." -All the new arrivals are scanned for hidden electronics, like voice-activated phones installed in their teeth: "A dude just ahead of me in line actually had a top-of-the-line miniature Sinatro OASIS console concealed inside a prosthetic testicle. Talk about balls." HAHAHA A BALLS JOKES. -Wade then is shuffled into a massive testing center filled with hundreds of cubicles, where he is given a shitty visor and set of haptic gloves to test what skills he might have to offer IOI as an indent. The test takes hours: "I made sure to ace all of the tests on OASIS software, hardware, and networking, but I intentionally failed the tests designed to gauge my knowledge of James Halliday and the Easter egg. I definitely didn’t want to get placed in IOI’s Oology Division." -After taking the tests, Wade is assigned an OASIS tech support job. Of course, in reality, this "job" is slavery: "I would be paid $28,500 a year, minus the cost of my housing, meals, taxes, medical, dental, optical, and recreation services, all of which would be deducted automatically from my pay. My remaining income (if there was any) would be applied to my outstanding debt to the company. Once my debt was paid in full, I would be released from indenturement. At that time, based on my job performance, it was possible I would be offered a permanent position with IOI. "This was a complete joke, of course. Indents were never able to pay off their debt and earn their release. Once they got finished slapping you with pay deductions, late fees, and interest penalties, you wound up owing them more each month, instead of less. Once you made the mistake of getting yourself indentured, you would probably remain indentured for life. A lot of people didn’t seem to mind this, though. They thought of it as job security. It also meant they weren’t going to starve or freeze to death in the street." Okay, the last few pages have raised a LOT of questions. As Wade says, there are HUNDREDS of people getting processed at this facility, and apparently the IOI debt cops were making a daily roundup, so presumably IOI processing hundreds of indents is the daily norm (or at least quite common). According to Wade's description, indents are practically speaking enslaved for life. If the Columbus facility is processing even 200 people a day, five days a week (I'll generously assume they stop on weekends), that adds up to 52,000 new indentured slaves per year. And this is JUST the Columbus facility. Granted, it's the headquarters of the company, located in what is presumably one of America's largest and most important cities, but ground transportation has already been established as expensive, difficult, and dangerous, so they probably have facilities elsewhere in the country (and presumably the planet). Just how many slaves does IOI have? Do they really have the revenue to feed and house all of them in this age of tremendous deprivation? What do they all do? And this is JUST IOI. There are other companies. Presumably many of them are enslaving people too. So is the entire economy actually transitioned into a slave-based one? Shouldn't Wade have mentioned that? Also, it doesn't seem like servants lose citizenship or the ability to vote, so is this situation actually sustainable? Real slave societies are of course premised on the slaveholders possessing all political power. Couldn't everybody just vote for politicians who will abolish slavery? Would they really just be distracted by reality TV contestants and televangelists in such a situation? Oh, and Wade says almost all the other indents look like him, pale freaks who lived entirely in the OASIS and shaved their body hair to use hyper-realistic haptic rigs. So are there literally tens or even hundreds of thousands of people all building the same set-up Wade did, with expensive rigs and, in many cases, armored apartments? How did such a situation emerge when the world is impoverished, starving, and collapsing? Is everybody stupidly falling into the same trap of borrowing too much to buy a super-OASIS rig and then getting enslaved? Wade says people don't mind getting enslaved because it saves them from starving or freezing to death, but obviously that wasn't a hazard for all these people. If they had enough money to live entirely in the OASIS they also had the money to get food and shit.I guess it's vaguely like 1700s London being full of gin addicts but this seems like a much more extreme iteration of that. Ugh, none of this makes any sense at all. -Wade signs a 600-page indenturement contract without reading it, which seems pretty dangerous since earlier in the book he mentioned IOI employees signing ironclad contracts giving IOI control of the OASIS if they found Halliday's egg. Wouldn't that apply just as much to IOI's slaves? Also, what happens if Wade just refused to sign it? He was previously forcibly arrested for his debts so it doesn't seem he has much choice in the matter. You don't sign a contract before going to prison. -Wade goes through another layer of employee processing. He gets inoculations, blood tests (but no DNA tests, thanks to a handy federal law), and gets a new jumpsuit. Also, "they ran me through a kind of human car wash—a series of machines that soaped, scrubbed, disinfected, rinsed, dried, and deloused me." If "nearly everyone" at the facility lacks any body hair, why are they bothering to delouse them? Hairless people can't get lice. Seems wasteful. -At the very end, Wade is fitted with an ankle bracelet tracker. Besides monitoring his location, the bracelet can grant or deny access to different areas of IOI's office complex, and if he tries to remove it or escape, it can deliver an electric shock or a powerful tranquilizer. He's also tagged with an ear device, which can deliver announcements to him or see whatever he sees via a front-facing camera. -Wade has his first slave meal: "The HR computer directed me to a nearby cafeteria that looked like something out of an old prison movie. I was given a lime green tray of food. A tasteless soyburger, a lump of runny mashed potatoes, and some unrecognizable form of cobbler for dessert. I devoured all of it in a few minutes. The HR computer complimented me on my healthy appetite. Then it informed me that I was now permitted to make a five-minute visit to the bathroom." -Wade is assigned a personal sleeping pod, one of hundreds stacked in a vast array of rows and vertical columns. All of them are monitored by a camera, and the only amenity is a flatscreen entertainment console. However, as a new employee, Wade isn't allowed to watch classic movies or TV shows. Instead, the only thing he has access to is IOI's 24-hour news and propaganda channel, as well as a set of training films and simulations. Oh, and an IOI-produced sitcom called Tommy Queue: "the synopsis said it was a 'wacky situation comedy chronicling the misadventures of Tommy, a newly indentured OASIS tech rep struggling to achieve his goals of financial independence and on-the-job excellence!'" Admittedly I laughed a bit at that. -Wade drifts off to sleep, thinking about how insane it is that he is attempting this insane plan, not to win the OASIS, but really just in an effort to win the love of Art3mis, a girl he has not met. The chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38256254) Date: May 19th, 2019 12:34 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker Wow this guy is a hack (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38256469) Date: May 20th, 2019 1:31 AM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38259539) Date: May 20th, 2019 2:21 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38259644) Date: May 21st, 2019 2:16 PM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan "ugh, none of this makes any sense at all" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38266771) Date: May 20th, 2019 2:40 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 30 Chapter 30 -IOI customer support is some kind of 90s satire corporate hellscape. He's stuck in a cubicle with a bolted-down chair, and had no decorations because he has not earned enough "perk points" to add posters or potted plants. He has to work 12-hour shifts of customer support and his every action is closely monitored. -Wade shows his mettle by telling off some STUPID normie OASIS user: "The first caller’s avatar appeared in front of me in my support chat room. His name and stats also appeared, floating in the air above him. He had the astoundingly clever name of 'HotCock007.' "I could see that it was going to be another fabulous day. HotCock007 was a hulking bald barbarian with studded black leather armor and lots of demon tattoos covering his arms and face. He was holding a gigantic bastard sword nearly twice as long as his avatar’s body. "'Good morning, Mr. HotCock007,' I droned. 'Thank you for calling technical support. I’m tech rep number 338645. How may I help you this evening?” The customer courtesy software filtered my voice, altering its tone and inflection to ensure that I always sounded cheerful and upbeat. "'Uh, yeah...' HotCock007 began. 'I just bought this bad-ass sword, and now I can’t even use it! I can’t even attack nothing with it. What the hell is wrong with this piece of shit? Is it broke?' "'Sir, the only problem is that you’re a complete fucking moron,' I said." -Wade's edgy line doesn't get through, though, as he's automatically detected, censored, and muted by IOI's software. A warning is sent to his supervisor. -It turns out, of course, that this idiot OASIS user is only level 7, and the sword he bought requires that he be at least level 10. What an IDIOT. I'm sure Cline isn't at all channeling his frustration with DUMB CASUAL game players in the real world: "'Sir, it’s always advisable to make sure your avatar can actually use an item before you purchase it.' "'Goddammit!” he shouted. “Well, what am I supposed to do with it now?' "'You could shove it up your ass and pretend you’re a corn dog.' "COURTESY VIOLATION—RESPONSE MUTED—VIOLATION LOGGED." -Wade only gets a 6/10 rating on his call. Not good, since he needs at least an 8.5/10 average to get a raise! It's not clear why IOI would be following a normal raise structure when 1. All their employees are slaves anyway, and 2. Jobs are in short supply in this dying mid-apocalyptic world, but I guess Cline really needed to shit on normie jobs. -Wade moans about how boring and lame his fellow slaves are, even though they're basically the same kind of person he is (OASIS addicts): "During each shift, I was given three five-minute restroom breaks. Lunch was thirty minutes. I usually ate in my cubicle instead of the cafeteria, so I wouldn’t have to listen to the other tech reps bitch about their calls or boast about how many perk points they’d earned. I’d grown to despise the other indents almost as much as the customers." -Wade keeps falling asleep during his shift, which gets him more demerits. But it's soon revealed this is because Wade isn't sleeping at night. Instead, he's hacking into IOI's system. How does he avoid getting spied on by the gazillion cameras? By hacking the cameras, of course. How did he do that? Hoo boy: "About seven months earlier, I’d obtained a set of IOI intranet passwords from the L33t Hax0rz Warezhaus, the same black-market data auction site where I’d purchased the information needed to create a new identity. I kept an eye on all of the black-market data sites, because you never knew what might be up for sale on them. OASIS server exploits. ATM hacks. Celebrity sex tapes. You name it. I’d been browsing through the L33t Hax0rz Warezhaus auction listings when one in particular caught my eye: IOI Intranet Access Passwords, Back Doors, and System Exploits. The seller claimed to be offering classified proprietary information on IOI’s intranet architecture, along with a series of administrative access codes and system exploits that could “give a user carte blanche inside the company network. "I would have assumed the data was bogus had it not been listed on such a respected site. The anonymous seller claimed to be a former IOI contract programmer and one of the lead architects of its company intranet. He was probably a turncoat—a programmer who intentionally coded back doors and security holes into a system he designed, so that he could later sell them on the black market. It allowed him to get paid for the same job twice, and to salve any guilt he felt about working for a demonic multinational corporation like IOI." -Such back door information would presumably be very valuable, but Wade is able to buy them for a pittance because "there was no way to verify the data’s authenticity." And lucky him, it turns out the information is all completely accurate, none of the exploits have been detected or altered, and in fact none of the passwords have even changed in the months since he bought them. It's a good thing it works, because if it didn't, "I would have sold myself into lifelong slavery." -Wade uses his passwords to get backdoor access, make an admin account on the IOI Intranet, and start hacking everything. He sabotages the cameras watching him, requisitions a flash drive for downloading data onto, etc. Eventually, he penetrates IOI's Oology division: "The largest section of the database appeared to be devoted to information on Halliday. The amount of data they had on him was staggering. It made my grail diary look like a set of CliffsNotes. They had things I’d never seen. Things I didn’t even know existed. Halliday’s grade-school report cards, home movies from his childhood, e-mails he’d written to fans. I didn’t have time to read over it all, but I copied the really interesting stuff over to my flash drive, to (hopefully) study later." This doesn't actually seem plausible to me. Sure, everything about Halliday would add up to a lot of info, but all the documentation created by a single person would still be rather limited. I feel like their database info on various gunters, or on all the 80s media that is the heart of the hunt, would be a LOT more voluminous. But that's just me. -Wade also gets details on the Sixer dispositions around Castle Anorak, the whereabouts of the Orb of Osuvox that generates their impenetrable force field, and their failed efforts to penetrate the Third Gate. Wade has an almost religious revulsion at the idea of Halliday's sacred fortress of dork-dom being profaned: "To my disgust, I learned that Sorrento had been the first avatar to set foot inside Castle Anorak since Halliday’s death." -Eventually, Wade even discovers the files on himself and the other top gunters. Naturally, he snoops on the others, giving him a chance to show his totally-not-shallow love of Art3mis: "At the very top was a school photo of a young girl with a distinctly sad smile. To my surprise, she looked almost identical to her avatar. The same dark hair, the same hazel eyes, and the same beautiful face I knew so well—with one small difference. Most of the left half of her face was covered with a reddish-purple birthmark. I would later learn that these types of birthmark were sometimes referred to as “port wine stains.” In the photo, she wore a sweep of her dark hair down over her left eye to try to conceal the mark as much as possible. Art3mis had led me to believe that in reality she was somehow hideous, but now I saw that nothing could have been further from the truth. To my eyes, the birthmark did absolutely nothing to diminish her beauty. If anything, the face I saw in the photo seemed even more beautiful to me than that of her avatar, because I knew this one was real." -Art3mis is kinda fat btw: "The data below the photo said that her real name was Samantha Evelyn Cook, that she was a twenty-year-old Canadian citizen, five feet and seven inches tall, and that she weighed one hundred and sixty-eight pounds." -The file also has Art3mis's home address, and footage of her "small suburban house." At the start of this book, Wade says that suburbs and rural areas collapsed at the beginning of the economic/energy crisis, so it seems surprising that Art3mis is living an ordinary suburban existence. You know, except for the fact that Cline's narrative is crock. -IOI has more than just a video feed: "As I dug further into her file, I learned that they’d had her under surveillance for the past five months. They had her house bugged too, because I found hundreds of hours of audio recordings made while she was logged into the OASIS. They had complete text transcripts of every audible word she’d spoken while clearing the first two gates." Hold up, here. "Complete text transcripts" of every word she spoke while clearing the FIRST gate? Art3mis cleared the First Gate just a few hours after Wade did, and they both did it immediately after getting the Copper Key. IOI was able to find her exact location and bug her house in that amount of time? -IOI also knows the name and location of Shoto, but has almost no information on Aech. The Daito folder includes hand-camera footage of goons breaking in and murdering Daito: "The bastards even filmed him plummeting to his death. Probably at Sorrento’s request." -In another folder, Wade finds a five-hour-old memo where Sorrento proposes abducting Art3mis and Shoto and forcing them to help IOI clear the Third Gate. The memo also suggests murdering them afterwards. -Seeing this plan forces Wade to accelerate his escape plan: "Before my arrest, I’d set up a timed funds transfer that would deposit enough money in my IOI credit account to pay off my entire debt, forcing IOI to release me from indenturement. But that transfer wouldn’t happen for another five days. By then, the Sixers would probably have Art3mis and Shoto locked in a windowless room somewhere. I couldn’t spend the rest of the week exploring the Sixer database, like I’d planned. I had to grab as much data as I could and make my escape now. I gave myself until dawn." That's cool, I guess, but this completely contradicts what Wade just said. A few pages ago, he said that if the IOI backdoor passwords hadn't worked, he'd have sold himself into "lifelong slavery" for nothing. But now, he's saying that there was actually no risk of this; he'd have bought his way out within a few weeks regardless. And on that odd fuck-up, the chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38261763) Date: May 20th, 2019 2:54 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter I love how "Hot cock 007" is (rightly) seen as irredeemably dorky, but "leet Hax0rs WareHou5e" is edgy and cool Also this is 5'7" 167 lbs https://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-54530-body-shape.htm?StartAt=18 if artemis is supposed to be Mrs. Cline, I'm thinking 168 is an underestimate (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38261818) Date: May 20th, 2019 3:13 PM Author: appetizing french chef space its her dream weight (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38261893) Date: May 20th, 2019 3:14 PM Author: adulterous big station brb changing my moniker to HotCock007 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38261897) Date: May 20th, 2019 4:31 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38262237) Date: May 20th, 2019 3:39 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker HotCock007 seems more apt for a grindr handle than a MMORPG. I'd expect your bog standard dork to be named something like NIGGER_STOMPER_58 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38262016) Date: May 20th, 2019 7:45 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma that's a strong "would" from me, chief (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38263058) Date: May 27th, 2019 8:01 PM Author: stirring fanboi (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38297987) Date: May 20th, 2019 2:56 PM Author: adulterous big station L33t Hax0rz Warezhaus ljl (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38261824) Date: May 20th, 2019 3:00 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma "I would have assumed the data was bogus had it not been listed on such a respected site." this is how i think about biglaw info here tbh (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38261840) Date: May 20th, 2019 6:21 PM Author: sticky brass gunner And info about median cock thickness, median female number of sexual partners, median IQ of various races, etc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38262729) Date: May 20th, 2019 3:37 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker JFC this is somehow getting worse (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38262005) Date: May 20th, 2019 4:35 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha It was better as escapist retro-80s fantasy than this terrible 'social commentary' (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38262248) Date: May 20th, 2019 7:59 PM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut this is the worst chapter yet. what a stupid plan, on many levels (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38263119) Date: May 21st, 2019 10:58 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon “...You know, except for the fact that Cline's narrative is crock.” Lmao (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38269747) Date: May 21st, 2019 2:52 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 31 Chapter 31 -Wade works for four hours, downloading as much Sixer data as he can into his flash drive. Then, he makes a Supply Requisition Order, requesting an (unnamed) item for use inside the OASIS. -Wade then uses his hacked account to open his indenturement profile and zero out his account balance, giving him the right to leave. He also disables his ear camera and ankle bracelet entirely, letting him remove them. -Since Wade zeroed out his indenture balance, it seems like he should just be able to leave. But by also detaching his bracelet and ear camera, this once again raises the stakes: "I'd now passed the point of no return. IOI security techs weren’t the only ones who had access to my eargear’s vidfeed. The Indentured Servant Protection Agency also used it to monitor and record my daily activities, to ensure that my human rights were being observed. Now that I’d removed the device, there would be no digital record of what happened to me from this moment forward. If IOI security caught me before I made it out of the building, carrying a stolen flash drive filled with highly incriminating company data, I was dead. The Sixers could torture and kill me, and no one would ever know." -Wade begins roaming the building in a maintenance tech uniform he requisitioned, with a new ID he created for himself, Harry Tuttle. It makes moving through the building a breeze: "I rode the elevator down in silence, trying not to stare at the camera mounted above the doors. Then I realized the video being shot of me would be scrutinized when this was all over. Sorrento himself would probably see it, and so would his superiors. So I looked directly into the lens of the camera, smiled, and scratched the bridge of my nose with my middle finger." This seems a tad irresponsible. Sure, Wade is sneaking out for now, and he's been operating under a fake identity, but he *is* stealing a bunch of shit from a powerful corporation. Even if he wins the Contest, couldn't a vengeful IOI conceivably have him arrested for this stunt and thrown in prison? -Wade almost gives himself away because he forgets to take the plastic indent slippers off his feet, but most IOI employees don't give a fuck so he gets out without being caught. He walks to a PO Box rental site to retrieve a portable OASIS kit he ordered prior to his indenturing...say, by the way, given sky-high energy costs and how difficult + dangerous travel is supposed to be, how the heck is the POSTAL system still operating so efficiently and cheaply? This seems like another lore fuckup from Cline. -"My heart was pounding as I logged in. I’d been offline for eight whole days—a personal record." -After logging in, Wade immediately sends a messages to Art3mis warning her that IOI is watching her and she should leave her house immediately. He then creepily adds this line: "PS—I think you look even more beautiful in real life." -Wade uses his hacked passwords to log back into the US citizen database and look up his fake citizen profile. Bryce Lynch has already been reported as an escaped indent fugitive...but wait, didn't Wade already use his hacking skills to zero out Lynch's debt? Shouldn't he just not be an indent? And wait, how has it ever made sense for a low-income shmuck like Wade to be able to buy things like the ability to create a fake identity at will? If he can do that, couldn't almost everybody? And if that's the case, wouldn't the entire idea of a citizen database become almost worthless? Sure, the (*sigh*) L33t Hax0rz Warezhaus is invite-only, but that's a flimsy defense. Presumably at a minimum anybody with money would be able to get access. Among other things, doesn't that mean that IOI would be able to monitor the website? Shouldn't they be buying up (or at least watching out for) things like their Intranet log-ins being sold? Ugh, this plot device is so shitty. -Anyway, Wade logs back into the citizen database, erases Bryce Lynch from existence, and makes his identity Wade Watts again. -After getting his ID back, Wade takes a self-driving cab to a clothing store near OSU named "Thr3ads." He buys some clothes, including a shirt and pants wired for OASIS use to enhance avatar control. -After getting his clothes, Wade walks through the OSU campus: "I kept my head down to avoid making eye contact with the stream of sullen university students filing past me." -His next stop is a retail chain called Vend-All, where you can buy almost any good from a vending machine. Wade seems to have bought an awful lot of stuff in this book on his meager income, but he still has money to spare: He buys a flak vest, a mace canister, a Glock pistol, and three clips of ammunition. Man, it's pretty amazing that this crumbling hellscape lets you buy GUNS from a vending machine. -Wade's virtual training naturally makes him well-prepared for real-life gunplay: "I removed the Glock from its clear plastic blister packaging. This was the first time I’d ever held a real gun. Even so, the weapon felt familiar in my hands, because I’d fired thousands of virtual firearms in the OASIS." -Wade then makes his way to an OASIS parlor to settle in for some intense gaming. The guy running the shop has fallen out of some 90s anti-drug PSA: "A vacant-eyed clerk glanced up at me from behind a bulletproof Plexiglas barrier. He was in his early twenties, with a Mohawk and dozens of facial piercings. He was wearing a bifocal visor, which gave him a semitransparent view of the OASIS while also allowing him to see his real-world surroundings. When he spoke, I saw that his teeth had all been sharpened to points." -Cline drones on for a paragraph about the stuff you can buy in these fictional OASIS parlors: "I scanned my choices. A dozen immersion rigs were available, of varying quality and price. Economy, Standard, Deluxe. I was given detailed specs on each. You could rent by the minute, or pay a flat hourly rate. A visor and a pair of haptic gloves were included in the rental price, but a haptic suit cost extra. The rental contract contained a lot of fine print about the additional charges you would incur if you damaged the equipment, and a lot of legalese stating that the Plug could not be held responsible for anything you did, under any circumstances, especially if it was something illegal." -Wade, despite never having much money, still has ANOTHER $11,000 in cash to blow on buying the best rig, and the best connection, for 12 whole hours, with a special upload permit that will let him put up all ten zettabytes that he stole from IOI. BTW, I know it's the future and the Internet keeps getting bigger and bigger, but the combined amount of digital data everywhere in the WORLD was only ONE zettabyte in 2012, and global Internet traffic only surpassed one zettabyte in 2016. Apparently Wade downloaded ten zettabytes from one company onto a FLASH drive over a few days. That's...well, it's certainly a big technological leap. IRL, Moore's Law started to break down shortly after this book came out. -Wade logs in, and it takes three hours for his super-fast connection to upload all ten zettabytes. His first action is to email every major news network information about IOI's activities, with proof that they tried to kill him, actually did kill Daito, and planned to kidnap Shoto and Art3mis. Wade then spends 15 minutes composing an email he plans to send to every OASIS user, but he doesn't reveal the text before the chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38266971) Date: May 21st, 2019 4:26 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha ""I removed the Glock from its clear plastic blister packaging. This was the first time I’d ever held a real gun. Even so, the weapon felt familiar in my hands, because I’d fired thousands of virtual firearms in the OASIS."" Pretty sure Cline never held a gun IRL either. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38267559) Date: May 21st, 2019 4:31 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38267583) Date: May 21st, 2019 4:35 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38267592) Date: May 21st, 2019 4:39 PM Author: Comical Hominid (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38267617) Date: May 21st, 2019 5:04 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler bleep bloop blaster pistol acquired *sticks glock up ass* (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38267755) Date: May 21st, 2019 4:46 PM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan Nothing in part 3 makes any sense at all. -if his plan was to get captured, why bother reinforcing his apartment -actually, why get captured out of his main lair, with his main identity at all. He could have left his shit intact and made another new identity and gotten some TTT apartment, then gone back to his old stuff once the "plan" was done -it isn't clear how money works in this universe. I thought he actually had a reasonable amount of resources from his endorsements. But whether it's in-game currency or real world currency (or whether a unified currency is used) is confusing. Somehow he bought an asteroid and yet here he is complaining about being poor -the whole "plan" seemed pointless. He downloaded a bunch of data? Ok. The corporation he downloaded it from wasn't any further in the game than him so it seems like a huge risk and waste of time. -what good does "exposing" the corporation to the media do when all of the gunters are already sort of united against it? Is there some currently unmentioned government that will later be grafted on with some world building to do something about it? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38267646) Date: May 21st, 2019 5:01 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal -reinforcement He could have been worried about them showing up while he was sleeping, which could have prevented him from having enough time to wipe his computer. This, in turn, would have allowed IOI to discover his real identity. That's the best I can come up with. Admitt8, it is weak. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38267733) Date: May 21st, 2019 5:23 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook -I figured the reinforcement all predated his plan, and was meant to keep an IOI assassin or even a random criminal from breaking in and killing/robbing him while he's spending all his time on the OASIS. -Very good point on how he could have just gotten another apartment to avoid losing all his stuff, and how his monetary situation is totally confusing. -I assume his plan somehow involves sabotaging their artifact that is keeping anybody else from entering Castle Anorak. We'll see in a chapter or two I guess. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38267890) Date: May 21st, 2019 11:06 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon “Wade almost gives himself away because he forgets to take the plastic indent slippers off his feet, but most IOI employees don't give a fuck so he gets out without being caught.” Straight up ripping off Shawshank here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38269786) Date: May 27th, 2019 8:09 PM Author: stirring fanboi Anybody else catch the Brazil reference? Harry Tuttle? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38298015) Date: May 21st, 2019 8:43 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 32 Chapter 32 -Wade logs into Aech's Basement, the virtual chat room from earlier in the book, and meets with Art3mis, Aech, and Shoto. He explains his deranged plan to them and Aech congratulates him for having "balls of solid adamantium." -While Wade just saved Art3mis's life, she still throws a minor bitchfit about it: "Art3mis scowled at me. 'Of course, when you found out they had secret files on each of us, you just couldn’t resist looking at them, could you?' "'I had to look at them!' I said. 'To find out how much they knew about each of us! You would have done the same thing.' "She leveled a finger at me. 'No, I wouldn’t have. I respect other people’s privacy!' "'Art3mis, chill out!' Aech interjected. 'He probably saved your life, you know.' "She seemed to consider this. 'Fine,' she said. 'Forget it.' But I could tell she was still pissed off." Later she apologizes and thanks Wade for saving her, though. Women! -Wade notes that the ten-zettabyte file on Halliday is so long it could take them "months" to go through it all. Of course, ten-zettabytes is actually roughly 1/4 of all digital data in the entire world as of 2019 (one zettabyte = one billion terabytes), so I think it'd take a bit longer than that. Amusingly, Wade suggests the file is that large because IOI has conducted a lot of interviews with people who knew Halliday. That sounds like an awful lot of video! -Wade gets them all upbeat by showing IOI's internal video of the Third Gate, which reveals they haven't even figured out how to open it. The gate is a large crystal door with three words etched into it, Faith, Hope, and Charity: "'They try every asinine thing you can imagine,' I said. 'Sorrento recites the words on the gate in Latin. And Elvish. And Klingon. Then they get hung up on reciting First Corinthians 13:13, a Bible verse that contains the words ‘charity, hope, and faith.’ Apparently, ‘charity, hope, and faith’ are also the names of three martyred Catholic saints. The Sixers have been trying to attach some significance to that for the past few days.' "'Morons,' Aech said. 'Halliday was an atheist.' "'They’re getting desperate now,' I said. 'Sorrento has tried everything but genuflecting, doing a little dance, and sticking his pinky finger in the keyhole." -Art3mis makes the big breakthrough that nobody at IOI could deduce: The door is a random reference to Schoolhouse Rock! "Art3mis’s eyes narrowed. 'Faith, hope, charity,' she said. She repeated them a few times, recognition growing in her face. Then she sang: 'Faith and hope and charity …' "Aech picked up the next line: 'The heart and the brain and the body …' "'Give you three … as a magic number!' Shoto finished triumphantly. [Even Shoto knows Schoolhouse Rock?] "'Schoolhouse Rock!' they all shouted in unison. "'See?” I said. “I knew you guys would get it. You’re a smart bunch.' "'Three Is a Magic Number, music and lyrics by Bob Dorough,' Art3mis recited, as if pulling the information from a mental encyclopedia. 'Written in 1973.' "I smiled at her. 'I have a theory. I think this might be Halliday’s way of telling us how many keys are required to open the Third Gate.'" -The team then figures out Halliday's likely intent in requiring three keys to open the gate: Halliday wanted the final challenge to be a final sprint to the finish between competitors. -There's a pot shot at the stoopid Sixers for not memorizing 70s arcana: "'But the Sixers have a dozen avatars with copies of the Crystal Key,' Aech said. 'They could open the gate right now, if they were smart enough to figure out how.' "'Dilettantes,' Art3mis said. 'It’s their own fault for not knowing all the Schoolhouse Rock! lyrics by heart. How did those fools even get this far?' "'By cheating,' I said. 'Remember?' "'Oh, that’s right. I keep forgetting.' She grinned at me, and I felt my knees go all rubbery." -Wade reveals the next phase of his plan: They're going to be able to breach the Castle Anorak shield at noon on Monday, about thirty-six hours in the future. He won't explain why, and says the others will just have to trust him. I can't see any reason for him to do that, other than to leave the READER in suspense, so this seems inartful. -As for the rest of the Sixer army? Wade has a plan for that too: He's going to spam the OASIS with a horrifically cheesy chain email he wrote: "Fellow gunters, It is a dark day. After years of deception, exploitation, and knavery, the Sixers have finally managed to buy and cheat their way to the entrance of the Third Gate. As you know, IOI has barricaded Castle Anorak in an attempt to prevent anyone else from reaching the egg. We’ve also learned that they’ve used illegal methods to uncover the identities of gunters they consider a threat, with the intention of abducting and murdering them. If gunters around the world don’t join forces to stop the Sixers, they will reach the egg and win the contest. And then the OASIS will fall under IOI’s imperialist rule. The time is now. Our assault on the Sixer army will begin tomorrow at noon, OST. Join us! Sincerely, Aech, Art3mis, Parzival, and Shoto" "'Knavery?' Art3mis said after she’d finished reading it. "'Were you using a thesaurus when you wrote this?' "'I was trying to make it sound, you know, grand,' I said. 'Official.' "'Me likey, Z,' Aech said. 'It really gets the blood stirring.'" -Wade calculates that most gunter clans have given up, but will be willing to fight to at least ensure another gunter rather than IOI wins the contest. -One last concern remains: Of the four gunters with a Crystal Key, three of them are on the run, stuck using public OASIS terminals (Aech lives out of a mobile RV, which must be pretty expensive to drive post-economic collapse). How are they going to get more secure OASIS access for the final battle? Then, suddenly: "'I think I might be able to help you guys out,' a deep voice said. "We all jumped and turned around just in time to see a tall, male, gray-haired avatar appear directly behind us. It was the Great and Powerful Og. Ogden Morrow’s avatar. And he didn’t materialize slowly, the way an avatar normally did when logging into a chat room. He simply popped into existence, as if he had been there all along and had only now decided to make himself visible. "'Have any of you ever been to Oregon?' he said. 'It’s lovely this time of year.'" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38268908) Date: May 21st, 2019 9:11 PM Author: sienna ape Whoa, Ogden! Bad ass!!!! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38269064) Date: May 22nd, 2019 8:10 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter Another moment when I can imagine the opening night crowd standing up hooting and hollering in the theatre (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38270696) Date: May 21st, 2019 11:15 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon The dream of the 80s is alive... in Portland. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38269843) Date: May 22nd, 2019 12:52 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38271912) Date: May 22nd, 2019 1:58 AM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan 1. It's possible to spam all of Oasis with an email? How does this happen? If it were feasible, so many emails would go out that this one would be lost in the shuffle and ignored. 2. Why did he need to get secret data to expose ioi and issue a call to arms, when apparently he attached none of the downloaded proof to the email and the content of the email consisted of facts he knew before executing his "plan"? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38270352) Date: May 22nd, 2019 7:59 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook I thought about #1 initially, but it turns out Wade’s actual plan is to send the email to the media plus all their friends, who will in turn pass it on and publicize it, etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38270671) Date: May 22nd, 2019 8:10 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter Blind melon does a 180 cover of that song https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LVfe6rdHRKI Knowing this makes me feel like a real ‘gunter’ (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38270695) Date: May 22nd, 2019 3:35 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 33 Chapter 33 -The chapter begins immediately where the last one left off, with the top gunters staring incredulously at the newly-appeared Morrow. -It turns out Morrow has been eavesdropping on Wade and the rest for months, since they first found the Copper Key. It turns out that, due to his early role in the OASIS, Morrow's avatar has several unique powers, including the ability to enter chat rooms invisibly and uninvited. He's also invincible, can teleport anywhere, etc. Naturally, he was the mysterious force that knocked over the stack of comic books so many chapters ago, near the end of Part 1. -Morrow reveals that he spoke to Halliday a few weeks before he died, and was entrusted by Halliday to serve as a guardian of the contest, and to intervene to protect its integrity from entities like the Sixers. So far, he's remained aloof, but with the final battle approaching he says it's time to intervene and offer Wade, Aech, Art3mis, and Shoto sanctuary at his home in Oregon. He won't give them any actual clues on the Third Gate, though, because "That would ruin all the fun, wouldn’t it?" -Morrow charters a private jet for Shoto from the Osaka airport. Presumably he can afford it as a billionaire, but this must be quite a gesture given all the descriptions of a severe energy shortage. -Morrow also charters a flight for Art3mis from Vancouver, and then arranges a third flight for Wade and Aech from Columbus's airport. This, of course, means the two will meet in real life for the first time. -Before logging out, Aech warns Wade that he's going to look VERY different from his avatar. I wonder where THIS will be going... -Okay, I was wrong in my post above: Wade really DOES have the ability to mass-spam the entire OASIS population with his call to arms letter. That seems really easy to abuse by spammers. Wade does acknowledge that most people will send it to their spam filters, so he also posts the letter on gunter message boards and has a recording of the message play on loop on his personal television channel. For some reason, he doesn't mention simply sending the letter to media outlets, which would presumably be eager to cover such an announcement from the top gunters on the Leaderboard. -In any case, the letter soon becomes a global media sensation: "The word spread quickly. Within an hour, our plan to assault Castle Anorak was the top story on every single newsfeed, accompanied by headlines like GUNTERS DECLARE ALL-OUT WAR ON THE SIXERS and TOP GUNTERS ACCUSE IOI OF KIDNAPPING AND MURDER and IS THE HUNT FOR HALLIDAY’S EGG FINALLY OVER? "Some of the newsfeeds were already running the video clip of Daito’s murder I’d sent them, along with the text of Sorrento’s memo, citing an anonymous source for both. So far, IOI had declined to comment on either. By now, Sorrento would know I’d somehow gained access to the Sixers’ private database. I wished I could see his face when he learned how I’d done it—that I’d spent an entire week just a few floors below his office." -Wade preps his avatar for battle, takes a nap, and wakes up to Aech notifying him of his arrival. Aech's RV is a "tiny" 20-year-old model with a lot of rust and solar panels on the roof. Wade finally meets his best friend: "A heavyset African American girl sat in the RV’s driver seat, clutching the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead. She was about my age, with short, kinky hair and chocolatecolored skin that appeared iridescent in the soft glow of the dashboard indicators. She was wearing a vintage Rush 2112 concert T-shirt, and the numbers were warped around her large bosom. She also had on faded black jeans and a pair of studded combat boots. She appeared to be shivering, even though it was nice and warm in the cab. I stood there for a moment, staring at her in silence, waiting for her to acknowledge my presence. Eventually, she turned and smiled at me, and it was a smile I recognized immediately. That Cheshire grin I’d seen thousands of times before, on the face of Aech’s avatar, during the countless nights we’d spent together in the OASIS, telling bad jokes and watching bad movies. And her smile wasn’t the only thing I found familiar. I also recognized the set of her eyes and the lines of her face. There was no doubt in my mind. The young woman sitting in front of me was my best friend, Aech." -Wade has a brief moment of internal autistic rage, but gets over it: "A wave of emotion washed over me. Shock gave way to a sense of betrayal. How could he—she—deceive me all these years? I felt my face flush with embarrassment as I remembered all of the adolescent intimacies I’d shared with Aech. A person I’d trusted implicitly. Someone I thought I knew. "When I didn’t say anything, her eyes dropped to her boots and stayed on them. I sat down heavily in the passenger seat, still staring over at her, still unsure of what to say. She kept stealing glances at me; then her eyes would dart away nervously. She was still trembling. "Whatever anger or betrayal I felt quickly evaporated. I couldn’t help myself. I started to laugh. There was no meanness in it, and I knew she could tell that, because her shoulders relaxed a bit and she let out a relieved sigh. Then she started to laugh too. Half laughing and half crying, I thought. "'Hey, Aech,' I said, once our laughter subsided. 'How goes it?' "'It’s going good, Z,' she said. "'All sunshine and rainbows.' Her voice was familiar too. Just not quite as deep as it was online. All this time, she’d been using software to disguise it. "'Well,' I said. 'Look at us. Here we are.' "'Yeah,' Aech replied. 'Here we are.' An uncomfortable silence descended. I hesitated a moment, unsure of what to do. Then I followed my instincts, crossed the small space between us, and put my arms around her. "'It’s good to see you, old friend,' I said. 'Thanks for coming to get me.' She returned the hug. 'It’s good to see you too,' she said. And I could tell she meant it. I let go of her and stepped back. “Christ, Aech,” I said, smiling. 'I knew you were hiding something. But I never imagined...' "'What?' she said, a bit defensively. 'You never imagined what?' "'That the famous Aech, renowned gunter and the most feared and ruthless arena combatant in the entire OASIS, was, in reality, a...' "'A fat black chick?' "'I was going to say ‘young African American woman.'" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38272871) Date: May 22nd, 2019 3:43 PM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit i want to throw my phone out the window (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38272921) Date: May 22nd, 2019 4:13 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker You can tell from the dialogue that Cline is friends with many WOCs IRL (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38273060) Date: May 22nd, 2019 7:34 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38273987) Date: May 22nd, 2019 8:12 PM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38274202) Date: May 22nd, 2019 6:19 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon LMAO (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38273708) Date: May 22nd, 2019 11:06 PM Author: Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry OH WOW THE OLD RECLUSE TECH GENIUS GIVES THEM SANCTUARY ON HIS OREGON LAND IT'S JUST LIKE WAR GAMES (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38275090) Date: May 22nd, 2019 11:09 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon lol at the shitty comic book foreshadowing too (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38275105) Date: May 22nd, 2019 11:13 PM Author: slimy library halford im surprised by this swerve. seemed to be building to Aech as Morrow (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38275131) Date: May 23rd, 2019 1:48 PM Author: Comical Hominid its easy to over think this book (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38277586) Date: May 23rd, 2019 3:01 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 33 Part 2 -The private jet Aech and Wade board is completely automated, with no crew. It's the first time they've even seen an airplane up close, since flying is available only to the wealthy: "We both spent the first hour of the flight staring out the windows, overwhelmed by the view, as we hurtled westward through the atmosphere at ten thousand feet, on our way to Oregon." I'm pretty sure jets fly at 30-40,000 feet because it's far more fuel efficient. Presumably in these energy-scarce times, fuel efficiency is even more valuable, and the airlanes are far less crowded. Maybe they need to evade Sixer attention, but 10k doesn't seem low enough to offer a special benefit in that regard. I suspect Cline just flubbed this. -As they fly, Aech tells her life story, which allows Cline to spout some liberal pieties about how the OASIS protects vulnerable queer bodies of color: "Her real name, she said, was Helen Harris, and she was only a few months older than I was. She’d grown up in Atlanta, raised by a single mother. Her father had died in Afghanistan when she was still a baby. Her mother, Marie, worked from home, in an online dataprocessing center. In Marie’s opinion, the OASIS was the best thing that had ever happened to both women and people of color. From the very start, Marie had used a white male avatar to conduct all of her online business, because of the marked difference it made in how she was treated and the opportunities she was given. "When Aech first logged into the OASIS, she followed her mother’s advice and created a Caucasian male avatar. “H” had been her mother’s nickname for her since she was a baby, so she’d decided to use it as the name of her online persona. A few years later, when she started attending school online, her mother lied about her daughter’s race and gender on the application [very foolish, assuming AA still exists in the shitfuture!]. Aech was required to provide a photo for her school profile, so she’d submitted a photorealistic rendering of her male avatar’s face, which she’d modeled after her own features. "Aech told me that she hadn’t seen or spoken to her mother since leaving home on her eighteenth birthday. That was the day Aech had finally come out to her mother about her sexuality. At first, her mother refused to believe she was gay. But then Helen revealed that she’d been dating a girl she met online for nearly a year. "As Aech explained all of this, I could tell she was studying my reaction. I wasn’t all that surprised, really. Over the past few years, Aech and I had discussed our mutual admiration for the female form on numerous occasions. I was actually relieved to know that Aech hadn’t been deceiving me, at least not on that account." -After coming out to her mom, Aech was kicked out of the house and became homeless for a while, until she collected enough money in online gaming tournaments to buy her RV, which she's lived in ever since...so, when did that actually happen? She's only a few months older than Wade and Wade was only 18 when he found the key. Aech must have JUST bought the RV when the contest started, but I guess the timeline still works out, barely. -Wade once again signals that Aech's appearance and background don't matter, because they have connected on a higher, MENTAL level: "As we continued to talk, going through the motions of getting to know each other, I realized that we already did know each other, as well as any two people could. We’d known each other for years, in the most intimate way possible. We’d connected on a purely mental level. I understood her, trusted her, and loved her as a dear friend. None of that had changed, or could be changed by anything as inconsequential as her gender, or skin color, or sexual orientation." -When they land, Aech and Wade are amazed by the look of Ogden's home, which is...A REFERENCE: "Aech and I both froze in our tracks as we stepped off the plane, gazing in wonder at the scene around us. Even in the dim moonlight, the view was breathtaking. The dark, towering silhouettes of the Wallowa Mountains surrounded us on all sides. Rows of blue runway lights stretched out along the valley floor behind us, delineating Og’s private landing strip. Directly ahead, a steep cobblestone staircase at the edge of the runway led up to a grand, floodlit mansion constructed on a plateau near the base of the mountain range. Several waterfalls were visible in the distance, spilling off the peaks beyond Morrow’s mansion. "'It looks just like Rivendell,' Aech said, taking the words right out of my mouth. "I nodded.'It looks exactly like Rivendell in the Lord of the Rings movies,' I said, still staring up at it in awe. 'Og’s wife was a big Tolkien fan, remember? He built this place for her.'" -Ogden welcomes Aech and Wade "dressed in a plaid bathrobe and bunny slippers." Despite being the charismatic half of the Halliday/Marrow duo, he still seems to be an odd insular sort: "'I can’t tell you how good it is to have visitors. Sad to say, I’ve been all alone here since Kira died.' He was silent a moment; then he laughed. 'Alone except for my cooks, maids, and gardeners, of course. But they all live here too, so they don’t really count as visitors.' "Neither I nor Aech knew how to reply, so we just kept smiling and nodding." -Wade is obviously nervous and excited to finally meet Art3mis, but BUZZKILL: She and Shoto both decided an IRL meetup would be too distracting just before the big battle. They've already entered Ogden's sweet OASIS rig and will only come out once the final battle is over. -Ogden continues to make displays of eccentricity: "Og led us through the mansion's lavish front entrance. The lights were off inside, but instead of turning them on, Morrow took an honest-to-God torch off the wall and used it to illuminate our way. Even in dim torchlight, the grandeur of the place amazed me. Giant tapestries and a huge collection of fantasy artwork covered the walls, while gargoyle statues and suits of armor lined the hallways." -They walk past Halliday's massive arcade game collection without much comment, take an elevator into Ogden's super-basement, and approach a set of 7 rooms, each equipped with a top-of-the-line OASIS setup. Just before going in, Wade pauses to ask Ogden what ruined his friendship with Halliday. It turns out it was all because Halliday was an aspie beta with crippling oneitis: "'It was because of Kira. My wife.' He paused a moment, then cleared his throat and continued. “Like me, he’d been in love with her since high school. Of course, he never had the courage to act on it. So she never knew how he felt about her. And neither did I. He didn’t tell me about it until the last time I spoke to him, right before he died. Even then, it was hard for him to communicate with me. Jim was never very good with people, or with expressing his emotions.' "I nodded silently and waited for him to continue. "'Even after Kira and I got engaged, I think Jim still harbored some fantasy of stealing her away from me. But once we got married, he abandoned that notion. He told me he’d stopped speaking to me because of the overwhelming jealousy he felt. Kira was the only woman he ever loved.' Morrow’s voice caught in his throat. 'I can understand why Jim felt that way. Kira was very special. It was impossible not to fall in love with her.' He smiled at me. 'You know what it’s like to meet someone like that, don’t you?' "'I do,' I said. Then, when I realized he had no more to say on the subject, I said, 'Thank you, Mr. Morrow. Thank you for telling me all of that.'" -Ogden's OASIS console is customized to look like a Commodore 64. -The room Wade enters is even more ridiculous than his apartment setup: "It was a small spherical room. A gleaming haptic chair was suspended on a jointed hydraulic arm attached to the ceiling. There was no omnidirectional treadmill, because the room itself served that function. While you were logged in, you could walk or run in any direction and the sphere would rotate around and beneath you, preventing you from ever touching the wall. It was like being inside a giant hamster ball. I climbed into the chair and felt it adjust to fit the contours of my body. A robotic arm extended from the chair and slipped a brand-new Oculance visor onto my face. It, too, adjusted so that it fit perfectly. The visor scanned my retinas and the system prompted me to speak my new pass phrase: 'Reindeer Flotilla Setec Astronomy.'" [This appears to be a joint reference to the movies Tron and Sneakers] (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38278125) Date: May 23rd, 2019 5:20 PM Author: Crimson disturbing corner This thread has given me a whole new respect for the movie. I said this above but it bears repeating. JFC. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38279066) Date: May 23rd, 2019 5:21 PM Author: adulterous big station i feel like we should have an xo monthly bookclub (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38279074) Date: May 23rd, 2019 5:22 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal If that involves someone else doing all the work that C12 is doing ITT, sign me up! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38279079) Date: May 23rd, 2019 5:23 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal Agreed. I thought the movie was a middling drivel, and based upon all of the online criticism, the book must have been amazing. Instead, the movie is subjective masterpiece relative to this shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38279088) Date: May 23rd, 2019 5:24 PM Author: adulterous big station i feel like i could be a mildly successful YA author based on this thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38279096) Date: May 23rd, 2019 5:27 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal Maintain a finger on the pulse of the collective mood of the youth and keep throwing shit at the wall until something sticks. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38279112) Date: May 23rd, 2019 6:39 PM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan Let's finish this fucking thing. IM SO HYPED. You HAVE to do a detailed final overall criticism at the end and it needs to be absolutely vicious. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38279437) Date: May 23rd, 2019 6:40 PM Author: Geriatric brilliant nibblets (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38279443) Date: May 23rd, 2019 6:56 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook I feel like each post has been pretty detailed. Any particular things you'd like me to elaborate upon? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38279511) Date: May 23rd, 2019 7:00 PM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan They have been detailed, but we need your FINAL THOUGHTS where you tie together the themes of your various criticisms. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38279525) Date: May 23rd, 2019 11:17 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38280879) Date: May 24th, 2019 12:01 AM Author: slimy library halford "As Aech explained all of this, I could tell she was studying my reaction. I wasn’t all that surprised, really. Over the past few years, Aech and I had discussed our mutual admiration for the female form on numerous occasions. I was actually relieved to know that Aech hadn’t been deceiving me, at least not on that account." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38281110) Date: May 24th, 2019 11:57 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon Plus the Rockies have hundreds of peaks higher than 10,000 feet. I’m not sure I’d want to fly from Ohio to Oregon on autopilot. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38286544) Date: May 23rd, 2019 9:00 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 34 Chapter 34 -Wade is geared up and ready for battle. Instead of traveling to Planet Chthonia in his X-Wing or the Vonnegut, he decides to head out in the Leopardon robot he got for clearing the Second Gate. By shouting "Leopardon!" at the figurine he got, he's able to transform it into a 100-meter tall robot armed with a giant sword, just like in the old Japanese Spider-Man show. It's a perfect replica of the "real" Leopardon, with one exception that allows for more SICK REFERENCES: "I noticed that Halliday had added an old eight-track tape player to the cockpit control panel. There was also a rack of eight-track tapes mounted over my right shoulder. I grabbed one and slapped it into the deck. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by AC/DC began to blast out of the robot’s internal and external speakers, so loud it made my chair vibrate." -Wade is able to easily control the Leopardon even though it apparently has complex controls (several rows of buttons are mentioned) and all of them are in Japanese. -Leopardon can transform into a spaceship, the Marveller, so it's a breeze for Wade to reach Chthonia after going through a stargate. When he arrives, he's pleased to see that his dumb letter worked. Thousands upon thousands of gunters have arrived for the battle: "It was like some otherworldly Woodstock," he says, showing that Boomer concerts still carry cultural cachet well into the 2040s. -Aech, Shoto, and Art3mis also showed up in their giant robots: Aech is an RS-78 Gundam from the original Gundam anime. Shoto is Raideen from Brave Raideen, and Art3mis is "the female version of Tranzor Z, an obscure character from the original Mazinger Z anime series known as Minerva X." -Also, Wade just announces that he's going to keep referring to Aech as a dude: "Even though I now knew Aech was actually a female in real life, her avatar was still male, so I decided to continue to refer to him as such." -As Wade arrives, it's time for another reference: "'So, Parzival,' said Shoto, turning his robot’s huge head in my direction. 'It’s showtime, old friend. If that sphere doesn’t come down like you promised, this is going to be pretty embarrassing.' "'Han will have that shield down,' Aech quoted. 'We’ve got to give him more time!'" Besides being the worst kind of reference, simply quoting a line from a film that everybody knows, it doesn't even match the situation. Wade promised that the shield would go down at an EXACT time. Nobody is giving him "more time." -Sorrento emerges from Castle Anorak, along with ten other Sixer avatars. As they emerge, we get ANOTHER Star Wars reference as Art3mis mutters "I have a bad feeling about this." -Sorrento and the other Sixers all board their own giant robots; Sorrento is Mechagodzilla (twice the size of Wade and Co's bots), five others have the robots that make up Voltron, and the remaining five are from Robotech and Neon Genesis Evangelion. A few gunters are so intimidated they turn around and "run for their lives," but TBH, this seems like a huge flub on IOI's part. They've had more than a week to get as many employees through the Second Gate as possible, while so far Wade and friends are the only non-IOI employees to have cleared it. They could conceivably have showed up for this battle with dozens or even hundreds of giant robots. Chalk it up to overconfidence, I guess. -Sorrento brags about IOI's impenetrable shield, but just as Wade predicted, the shield goes down at noon: "The Sixers had erected a large armored bunker behind Castle Anorak, filled with pallets of weapons and battle gear that had been teleported in by the Sixers before they activated their shield. There was also a long rack of thirty Supply Droids, which had been installed along the bunker’s eastern wall. Due to a lack of imagination on the part of the Supply Droids’ original designer, they all looked exactly like the robot Johnny Five from the 1986 film Short Circuit [reference!]. The Sixers used these droids primarily as gofers, to run errands and fill equipment and ammo requisitions for the troops stationed outside. "At exactly one minute to noon, one of the Supply Droids, designation SD-03, powered itself on and disengaged from its charging dock. Then it rolled forward on its tank treads, across the bunker floor, to the armory cage at its opposite end. Two robotic sentries stood outside the armory’s entrance. SD-03 transmitted its equipment requisition order to them— an order that I myself had submitted on the Sixer intranet two days earlier [despite knowing exactly what Wade did and presumably how, too, IOI was entirely unable to retrace any orders he gave, I guess]. The sentries verified the requisition and stepped aside, permitting SD-03 to roll into the cage. It continued past long storage racks that held a wide array of weaponry: magic swords, shields, powered armor suits, plasma rifles, railguns, and countless other weapons. Finally, the droid rolled to a stop. The rack in front of it held five large octahedron-shaped devices, each roughly the size of a soccer ball. Each device had a small control panel set into one of its eight sides, along with a serial number. SD-03 found the serial number that matched the one on my requisition form. Then, following a set of instructions I’d programmed into it, the little droid used its clawlike index finger to enter a series of commands on the device’s control panel. When it finished, a small light above the keypad turned from green to red. Then SD-03 lifted the octahedron in its arms. As it exited the armory, one antimatter friction-induction bomb was subtracted from the Sixers’ computerized inventory. "SD-03 then rolled out of the bunker and began to climb a series of ramps and staircases the Sixers had built onto the castle’s outer walls to provide access to the upper levels. Along the way, the droid rolled through several security checkpoints. Each time, robotic sentries scanned its security clearance and found that the droid was allowed to go anywhere it damn well pleased. When SD-03 reached Castle Anorak’s uppermost level, it rolled out onto a large observation platform located there. "At this point, SD-03 may have drawn a few curious looks from the squadron of elite Sixer avatars guarding the platform. I have no way of knowing. But even if the guards somehow anticipated what was about to happen and opened fire on the little droid, it was too late for them to stop it now. "SD-03 continued rolling directly to the center of the roof, where a high-level Sixer wizard sat holding the Orb of Osuvox—the artifact generating the spherical shield around the castle. "Then, executing the last of the instructions I’d programmed into it two days earlier, SD-03 lifted the antimatter friction-induction bomb up over its head and detonated it. The explosion vaporized the supply droid, along with all the avatars stationed on the platform, including the Sixer wizard who was operating the Orb of Osuvox. The moment he died, the artifact deactivated and fell to the now-empty platform." -Admittedly, I don't hate how Wade brought the shield down. It's not entirely plausible, but it's the kind of implausibility that is tolerable in adventure stories. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38280125) Date: May 24th, 2019 5:33 AM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan Subject: Chapter 35 Chapter 35 -As the shield goes down, Wade assembles the army of Gunters to give a rousing speech. He then turns to the camera and says "Ready, Player One," then soyface. Fade to black. FIN (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38281726) Date: May 24th, 2019 5:48 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38281744) Date: May 24th, 2019 8:30 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38282027) Date: May 24th, 2019 9:27 AM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38282159) Date: May 24th, 2019 10:39 AM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38282555) Date: May 24th, 2019 10:06 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38286181) Date: May 24th, 2019 10:21 PM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38286229) Date: May 24th, 2019 2:59 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 35, For Real Chapter 35 -The moment after the blast, the shield collapses and the largest battle in OASIS history breaks out: "It was a chaotic, breathtaking scene, like several beehives and wasp nests had been smashed together and then dropped onto a giant anthill." -The sheer size of the gunter armies overwhelms the Sixers. Every mech except for Sorrento's is quickly disabled and they don't even get a chance to form Voltron. Sorrento's, though, appears impervious to damage. He advances on Wade and friends and the battle begins: "'It is on!' Aech shouted into his comlink. 'It is on like Red Dawn!' And with that, he unleashed all of his Gundam’s considerable firepower at Sorrento. At the same moment, Shoto began firing Raideen’s bow, while Art3mis’s mech fired some sort of red energy beam that appeared to originate from Minerva X’s giant metal breasts. Not wanting to be left out, I fired Leopardon’s Arc Turn weapon, a gold boomerang that launched from the mech’s forehead." -All their weapons only do marginal damage to Mechagodzilla, though, so Shoto orders the other three to head for Castle Anorak while he faces Mechagodzilla alone. The rest of the Sixer forces are disintegrating, having been quickly overrun by the huge army of gunters. -Shoto has a ridiculous scene where he SACRIFICES HIMSELF for the others: "'Go ahead,' Shoto replied. 'I’ll be right behind you.' But something about the tone of his voice bothered me, and I pulled out of my dive and swung my mech back around. Shoto was hovering above Sorrento, near his right flank. Sorrento slowly turned his mech around and began to stomp back toward the castle. I could see now that his mech’s weakness was its lack of speed. The Mechagodzilla’s slow movement and attacks counterbalanced its seeming invulnerability. "'Shoto!' I shouted. 'What are you waiting for? Let’s go!' "'Go on without me,' Shoto said. 'I owe this son of a bitch some payback.' Before I could reply, Shoto dove at Sorrento, swinging a giant sword in each of his mech’s hands. The blades both cut into Sorrento’s right side, creating a shower of sparks, and to my surprise, they actually did some damage. When the smoke cleared I saw that the Mechagodzilla’s right arm now hung limp. It was nearly severed at the elbow. "'Looks like you’ll be wiping with your left hand now, Sorrento!' Shoto shouted triumphantly. Then he fired Raideen’s boosters and headed in my direction, toward the castle. But Sorrento had already swiveled his mech’s head around and was now taking a bead on Shoto with two glowing blue eyes. "'Shoto!' I shouted. 'Look out!' But my voice was drowned out by the sound of the lightning weapon firing out of the metal dragon’s mouth. It nailed Shoto’s mech directly in the center of its back. The robot exploded in an orange ball of fire. I heard a brief screech of static on the comm channel. I called out Shoto’s name again, but he didn’t reply. Then a message flashed on my display, informing me that Shoto’s name had just disappeared from the Scoreboard. He was dead." -RIP Shoto. Anyway, Sorrento's beam also hits Wade's robot, obliterating its lower half. Wade ejects (Leopardon's torso apparently kills dozens of nearby avatars when it crashes to the ground) and runs into Castle Anorak...or that's what he WOULD do, if he wasn't stupid. But instead, Wade decides he has to be MACHO and fight Sorrento right now: "I could hear Art3mis and Aech shouting at me on my comlink. They were already inside, standing in front of the gate, waiting for me. All I had to do was fly into the castle and join them. The three of us could open and enter the gate before Sorrento caught up with us. I was sure of it. "But I didn’t move. Instead, I took out the Beta Capsule and held the small metal cylinder in the palm of my avatar’s hand. "Sorrento had tried to kill me. And in the process, he’d murdered my aunt, along with several of my neighbors, including sweet old Mrs. Gilmore, who had never hurt a soul. He’d also had Daito killed, and even though I’d never met him, Daito had been my friend. And now Sorrento had just killed Shoto’s avatar, robbing him of his chance to enter the Third Gate. Sorrento didn’t deserve his power or his position. What he deserved, I decided in that moment, was public humiliation and defeat. He deserved to have his ass kicked while the whole world watched. I held the Beta Capsule high over my head and pressed its activation button." Ugh, it's hard to get over how ridiculous this is. Hey, Wade, you know what would REALLY humiliate Sorrento? Finding the Egg before he does! You know what really puts that in danger? Stopping to fight him just to show how BADASS you are. It's not even like he's going to actually kill Sorrento. He's just going to beat him up in a VIDEO GAME. This is an entirely pointless and superficial gesture just when they're at the moment of possible victory. Wade is a fucking idiot. -Anyway there is a fight and Wade kicks Sorrento's ass in just half a page. I suspect some of this is just a chance for Cline to goon out and show his knowledge of specific Ultraman attacks, like the Specium Ray and the Yatsuaki Kohrin: "The energy blade cut into its metal skin as if it were tofu, slicing the mech into two halves. Just before the entire machine exploded, the head detached and blasted away from the neck. Sorrento had ejected. But since the mech was lying flat, the head shot out on a trajectory parallel to the ground. Sorrento quickly adjusted for this, and the rockets sprouting from the head began to tilt it skyward. Before it could get very far, I crossed my arms again and fired another specium ray, nailing the retreating head like a clay pigeon. It disintegrated in an immensely satisfying explosion. "The crowd went wild." -Wade immediately admits this was all pointless, though: "I checked the Scoreboard and confirmed that Sorrento’s employee number had vanished. His avatar was dead. I couldn’t take too much satisfaction from this, though, because I knew he was probably already kicking one of his underlings out of a haptic chair so he could take control of a new avatar." -Wade runs into Castle Anorak, where Aech and Art3mis have pulverized about a dozen Sixer avatars. Art3mis calls Wade a "selfish asshole" for risking his avatar on a vanity fight, but Wade is a Chad now so he simply points out that he didn't die and that's the end of it. -Wade recites "Three is a magic number" in front of the Third Gate entry, which causes two more keyholes to appear. He, Aech, and Art3mis all insert their keys and open the door, when abruptly all of them die and the chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38284001) Date: May 24th, 2019 10:37 PM Author: slimy library halford Pointless Ego Battle ||| Masculine Pronouns ||| Digital Chad (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38286315) Date: May 25th, 2019 12:13 AM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon The annoying part of this story is that the twists make it stupider, not better. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38286595) Date: May 27th, 2019 12:35 AM Author: amber den friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38294557) Date: May 27th, 2019 2:07 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon Oh yeah OF COURSE IT'S A GAY FAT BLACK WOMAN! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38296298) Date: May 27th, 2019 2:17 PM Author: Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry maybe Cline will make a deathbed confession many years from now that he tried to write the most retarded thing possible and see which idiots gobbled it up. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38296360) Date: May 25th, 2019 1:13 AM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan "several beehives and wasp nests had been smashed together and then dropped onto a giant anthill" This is one of the few lines I've actually liked. It's not a stupid pop culture reference but rather a callback to shit that people did in the 80s back when kids actually went outside (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38286737) Date: May 27th, 2019 9:46 PM Author: nudist dilemma half-breed Cline hasn't played Tomb of Horrors or even done the most basic research like reading the wikipedia page about it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomb_of_Horrors Acererak is a demilich. That's not a regular lich. It's just a skull. No skeletal fingers, hands, claws or fists. Cline clearly doesn't know this. It says this straight on the Tomb of Horrors wikipedia page even if you don't bother going to the demilich page. It's pretty memorable if you actually know the adventure. With this in mind, reread some of Charles' book summary: "He [Acererak] waved a skeletal hand at his throne." "I was also distracted by the incessant click of [Acererak's] skeletal index finger as he tapped his Flap button." "'Good game,' Acererak said. Then, to my surprise, he offered me his withered claw of a hand. I shook it, chuckling nervously as I did so."" "The lich let out a long bloodcurdling howl of rage. [Acererak] smashed an angry fist into the side of the Joust cabinet" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38298620) Date: May 27th, 2019 10:58 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Amazing, nice find. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38299068) Date: June 2nd, 2019 8:10 PM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan lol he revealed ur 500+ poast literary critique as a fraud, there's no way you should have missed this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38329888) Date: May 28th, 2019 9:17 AM Author: amber den friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38300307) Date: May 28th, 2019 9:19 AM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon Literary license? lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38300315) Date: May 28th, 2019 1:46 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook The timeline of Aech's life was still bugging me, so I went back and looked at it again, and it's even worse than I thought. According to Wade, Aech is just a few months older than him, so no older than 19 1/2 or so. Also, Aech only got the RV after turning 18 when her mom kicked her out of the house. So at most, she's been living out of the RV for a bit more than a year. BUT, when Wade and Aech reach the airport, Cline writes this: "Og had arranged for Aech’s RV to be stored in a nearby hangar, but it had been her home for many years, and I could tell she was nervous about leaving it behind." By Cline's own internal chronology this is completely impossible. She can't even have been in the RV for 2 years, let alone "many years." I feel like Aech was originally supposed to be a lot older and then Cline de-aged her during a revision (possibly so she could also be attending school), causing his timeline to get all janked. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38301412) Date: May 28th, 2019 9:51 PM Author: slimy library halford such a last minute character revision would explain why the author didn't bother to change Aech's pronouns to She. Probably wrote the last chapters prior to writing the one with the gender reveal. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38304406) Date: May 30th, 2019 10:03 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon Lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38316749) Date: May 28th, 2019 2:37 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 36 Chapter 36 -So, very abruptly at the end of Chapter 35, Wade and everybody else died just as the Third Gate was opening. A blast wave rips through the entire area, annihilating every single avatar, ship, and building (including Castle Anorak) within sight, except for the Third Gate itself. It turns out Wade was right: The Sixers did have the Catalyst artifact, and they've used it as a last desperate maneuver. -To his shock, instead of seeing the "Game Over" message every user receives upon dying, Wade instead sees a new message: "Congratulations! You have an extra life!" Remember that digression where Wade played an entire perfect game of Pac-Man, and then received a special quarter? That's right, it turns out that quarter is a special one-time-use extra life token. Wade revives, but he's lost all his equipment and is actually suspended several meters above the ground due to the total destruction of Castle Anorak. -Aech, Art3mis, Ogden, and Shoto all get patched in to Wade's audio/visual feed, so they can see what he sees and talk to him. They realize the Sixers would only have seen them open the Third Gate because they'd surrounded the whole area with cameras, which means they now must also know how to open the Third Gate. They still have a reserve of 20 avatars with the Crystal Key, and as soon as they arrive they'll be able to enter the Gate. -Wade has a basic problem though: With no gear, how does he reach the gate, suspended about 20 meters above him? Well fortunately, it turns out that artifacts are indestructible, and Art3mis was wearing artifact sneakers, the Black Chuck Taylor All Stars. They provide super speed and flight, which Wade is able to use to reach the gate: "I put them on, and they adjusted to fit my avatar’s feet perfectly. 'I’ll get these back to you, Arty,' I said, just as I finished lacing them up. 'Promise.' "'You better,' she said. 'They were my favorites.'" -Despite the race against time, Wade pauses before going in to announce that he will split Halliday's fortune into four equal parts if he manages to get the egg. This promise involves giving a cringeworthy speech: "'Are you insane?' Aech asked. 'Why would you do that, Z?' "'Because it’s the only honorable thing to do,' I said. 'Because I never would have gotten this far on my own. Because all four of us deserve to see what’s inside that gate and find out how the game ends. And because I need your help.' "'Could you repeat that last bit, please?' Art3mis asked. "'I need your help,' I said. 'You guys are right. This is my only shot at clearing the Third Gate. There won’t be any second chances, for anyone. The Sixers will be here soon, and they’ll enter the gate as soon as they arrive. So I have to clear it before they do, on my first attempt. The odds of me pulling that off will increase drastically if the three of you are backing me up. So … what do you say?” "'Count me in, Z,' Aech said. 'I was planning to coach your dumb ass anyway.' "'Count me in too,' said Shoto. 'I’ve got nothing left to lose.' "'Let me get this straight,' Art3mis said. 'We help you clear the gate, and in return, you agree to split the prize money with us?' "'Wrong,' I said. 'If I win, I’m going to split the prize money with you guys, regardless of whether you help me or not. So helping me is probably in your best interest.' "'I don’t suppose we have time to get that in writing?' Art3mis said. "I thought for a moment, then accessed my POV channel’s control menu. I initiated a live broadcast, so everyone watching my channel (my ratings counter said I currently had more than two hundred million viewers) could hear what I was about to say. 'Greetings,' I said. "'This is Wade Watts, also known as Parzival. I want to let the whole world know that if and when I find Halliday’s Easter egg, I hereby vow to split my winnings equally with Art3mis, Aech, and Shoto. Cross my heart and hope to die. Gunter’s honor. Pinky swear. All of that crap. If I’m lying, I should be forever branded as a gutless Sixer-fellating punk.'" -Wade enters the gate, finally, and the chapter ends. TBH, this entire chapter had a weird vibe to it. Literally all that happens is Wade enters the gate alone (since everybody else is dead) and promises to share the prize with the other three. But Cline feels the need to overcomplicate everything. So he has the odd difficulty of Wade losing his gear and needing to find an artifact to reach the gate. It takes several pages and was totally pointless. Why bother? There's a lot of stuff like that in this book. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38301780) Date: May 28th, 2019 2:42 PM Author: Comical Hominid agreed. I do not know of any in-game deaths that result in loss of ALL GEAR but allow you to restart from location of death. the free life works unlike it does in ANY GAME since starting from death location is not feasible (in all but the easiest levels of an RPG). why lose his gear? i assume there is a "reason" waiting for us in the next chapter. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38301830) Date: May 28th, 2019 5:34 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma you can tell artemis is his girlfriend because she always call wade dumb. that's what girls do when they like you because you're good at super mario. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38302783) Date: May 28th, 2019 6:38 PM Author: know-it-all address national security agency His party agrees to "help" him just by watching from inside his head and commentating? I feel like they'd do that out of curiosity without needing much convincing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38303137) Date: May 28th, 2019 10:00 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter He realizes he went through all the trouble of creating a sassy fat black lesbian only to kill her off and allow a fucking. White. Male. win the prize, so this is his way of allowing her to share the glory - wade couldn’t do it without her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38304468) Date: May 28th, 2019 8:46 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 37 Chapter 37 -Wade enters the Third Gate. The first challenge is another video game, introduced in one of the most cringeworthy scenes of the entire book: "I found myself standing in a vast, dark, empty space. I couldn’t see the walls or ceiling, but there appeared to be a floor, because I was standing on something. I waited a few seconds, unsure of what to do. Then a booming electronic voice echoed through the void. It sounded as if it were being generated by a primitive speech synthesizer, like those used in Q*Bert and Gorf [double reference!]. 'Beat the high score or be destroyed!' the voice announced. A shaft of light appeared, shining down from somewhere high above. There, in front of me, at the base of this long pillar of light, stood an old coin-operated arcade game. I recognized its distinctive, angular cabinet immediately. Tempest. Atari. 1980. "I closed my eyes and dropped my head. 'Crap,' I muttered. 'This is not my best game, gang.' "'Come on,' I heard Art3mis whisper. "'You had to know Tempest was going to factor into the Third Gate somehow. It was so obvious!' "'Oh really?' I said. 'Why?' "'Because of the quote on the last page of the Almanac,' she replied. 'I must uneasy make, lest too light winning make the prize light.' "'I know the quote,' I said, annoyed. 'It’s from Shakespeare. But I figured it was just Halliday’s way of letting us know how difficult he was going to make the Hunt.' "'It was,' Art3mis said. 'But it was also a clue. That quote was taken from Shakespeare’s final play, The Tempest.' "'Shit!' I hissed. 'How the hell did I miss that?' "'I never made that connection either,' Aech confessed. 'Bravo, Art3mis.' "'The game Tempest also appears briefly in the music video for the song ‘Subdivisions’ by Rush,' she added. 'One of Halliday’s favorites. Pretty hard to miss.' "'Whoa,' Shoto said. 'She’s good.'" -This scene is just unbelievable to me. Art3mis is the ONLY person who bothered to look up WHAT PLAY a Shakespeare quote was from? The ONLY person who deduced a link between "The Tempest" and a famous arcade game literally named Tempest? All of these people are intimately familiar with Rush, but she's the only one to have noticed Tempest is in the Subdivisions music video? It's not a one-second appearance; it prominently features for an entire minute of the video. Also, even if Wade didn't notice it, there are supposedly vast gunter message boards with thousands of users who for 5 years had nothing to do but discuss theories about Halliday's quest. Wade never even stumbled upon somebody else making the Tempest connection? TBH, this entire scene is a great piece of evidence for the "elaborate satire" theory of this shitty book. Halliday's quest has rewarded deep knowledge of disposable 80s pop culture, while causing kids to become entirely unfamiliar with fucking Shakespeare. Gas Earth. Also, Wade brags about how effortlessly good he is at hundreds of games. He mastered Joust, Black Tiger, and Zork so thoroughly that he cleared them all (in original or modified form) on his first path. He got a Pac-Man perfect score within a few hours just based on his vestigial ability. But he never mastered Tempest? Tempest is one of the most famous arcade games of all time and would be a great candidate to master even if Wade had NO hints about Halliday's preferences other than "the 80s." Is this the only famous 80s arcade game he's not good at? Given Wade's prior achievements in this book, having him suddenly be unprepared for Tempest feels contrived to add tension to the finale. -It's also contrived as an excuse to show how awesome Art3mis is: "'Guys, I haven’t played Tempest in years,' I said. 'I’m screwed. There’s no way I’m going to beat Halliday’s high score on my first attempt.' "'You don’t have to,' Art3mis said. 'Look at the copyright year.' "I glanced at the bottom of the screen: ©MCMLXXX ATARI. "'Nineteen eighty?' Aech said. 'How does that help him?' "'Yeah,' I said. 'How does that help me?' "'That means this is the very first version of Tempest,' Art3mis said. 'The version that shipped with a bug in the game code. When Tempest first hit the arcades, kids discovered that if you died with a certain score, the machine would give you a bunch of free credits.' "'Oh,' I said, somewhat ashamed. 'I didn’t know that.' "'You would,' Art3mis said, 'if you’d researched the game as much as I did.' "'Damn, girl,' Aech said. 'You’ve got some serious knowledge.' "'Thanks,' she said. 'It helps to be an obsessive-compulsive geek. With no life.' Everyone laughed at that, except me. I was much too nervous." -Wade hits the requirements for getting free credits, and then intentionally dies to get the extra credits: "The sound of my friends’ wild cheers filled my ears, nearly giving me a heart attack. "'Art3mis, you’re a genius,' I said, once the noise died down. "'I know.'" [Yaaaaaaaasss kween slay] -Wade makes two more failed attempts to clear Tempest, when he gets bad news: The Sixers have arrived and also entered the Third Gate. Halliday arranged things so that once an avatar enters the third gate, a live video feed is automatically available for all OASIS users to see, so it turns out the entire world is watching the race between Wade and the Sixers to finish. -There are 18 Sixers in the Third Gate. Most of them suck, but one of them seems to be genuinely good. Aech and the rest assume that must be Sorrento...but why? Sorrento is just the leader of the oology division at IOI. Would he seriously also be the one who is best at a random arcade game? -Motivated by the Sixer competition, Wade crushes his next game and beats Halliday's high score. He moves on to part 2 of the Third Gate. It's...oh gosh: "I found myself galloping across a fog-covered hillside. I assumed I was riding a horse, because I was bobbing up and down and I heard the sound of hoofbeats. Directly ahead, a familiar-looking castle had just appeared out of the fog. "But when I looked down at my avatar’s body, I saw that I wasn’t riding a horse at all. I was walking on the ground. My avatar was now dressed in a suit of chain-mail armor, and my hands were held out in front of my body, as though I were clutching a set of reins. But I wasn’t holding anything. My hands were completely empty. "I stopped moving forward and the sound of hoofbeats also ceased, but not until a few seconds later. I turned around and saw the source of the sound. It wasn’t a horse. It was a man banging two coconut halves together. "Then I knew where I was. Inside the first scene of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Another of Halliday’s favorite films, and perhaps the most-beloved geek film of all time. It appeared to be another Flicksync, like the WarGames simulation inside Gate One. "I was playing King Arthur, I realized. I wore the same costume Graham Chapman had worn in the film. And the man with the coconuts was my trusty manservant, Patsy, as played by Terry Gilliam. Patsy bowed and groveled a bit when I turned to face him, but said nothing. "'It’s Python’s Holy Grail!' I heard Shoto whisper excitedly. "'Duh,' I said, forgetting myself for a second. 'I know that, Shoto.' "A warning flashed on my display: INCORRECT DIALOGUE! A score of –100 points appeared in the corner of my display. "'Smooth move, Ex-lax,' I heard Art3mis say. "'Just let us know if you need any help, Z,' Aech said. 'Wave your hands or something, and we’ll feed you the next line.' "I nodded and gave a thumbs-up. But I didn’t think I was going to need much help. Over the past six years, I’d watched Holy Grail exactly 157 times. I knew every word by heart." -157 times over six years is one watch every two weeks, by the way. This is really painful. Geeks who mindlessly repeat movie lines to each other are irritating in real life, but it's especially bad with Monty Python. Python humor is built on fast-paced humor and often-jarring non sequiturs; it's often staggeringly hilarious the first time you see it, but it's not as rewatchable as some other humor. The idea of watching all their shit hundreds of times to completely memorize it is fucking pathetic. In any case, it's not the kind of humor that is funny when you put the movie in writing. But naturally, Cline keeps going. An entire page of this book is just him recounting the first scene of Monty Python and the Holy Grail: "I glanced back up at the castle ahead of me, already aware of what was waiting for me there. I began to 'gallop' again, holding my invisible reins as I pretended to ride forward. Once again, Patsy began to bang his coconut halves together, galloping along behind me. When we reached the entrance of the castle, I pulled back on my “reins” and brought my 'steed' to a halt. "'Whoa there!' I shouted. "My score increased by 100 points, bringing it back up to zero. "On cue, two soldiers appeared up above, leaning over the castle wall. 'Who goes there?' one of them shouted down at us. "'It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot,' I recited. 'King of the Britons! Defeater of the Saxons! Sovereign of all England!' My score jumped another 500 points, and a message informed me that I’d received a bonus for my accent and inflection. I felt myself relax, and I realized I was already having fun. "'Pull the other one!' the soldier replied. "'I am,' I continued. 'And this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master!' Another 500 points. In my ear, I could hear my friends giggling and applauding. "'What?' the other soldier replied. 'Ridden on a horse?' "'Yes!' I said. 100 points. "'You’re using coconuts!' "'What?' I said. 100 points. "'You’ve got two empty halves of coconut and you’re bangin’ ’em together!' "'So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through—' Another 500 points. 'Where’d you get the coconuts?'" -Wade progresses through the whole film, always switching to whatever character in a scene has the most lines. Once again, there is no tension: "I flubbed only six or seven lines ... The only really difficult part was not laughing myself, especially when Art3mis started doing note-perfect recitations of all of Carol Cleveland’s lines in the Castle Anthrax scene. I cracked up a few times and got hit with score penalties for it." -It's a good thing Wade has this movie fucking memorized, as Sorrento ends up only nine minutes behind him. He clears the movie and enters the final challenge. It's Wade Halliday's office. What does the world's richest man put in his office? A bunch of old video game systems: "I found myself standing in a huge oak-paneled room as big as a warehouse, with a high vaulted ceiling and a polished hardwood floor. The room had no windows, and only one exit—large double doors set into one of the four bare walls. An older high-end OASIS immersion rig stood in the absolute center of the expansive room. Over a hundred glass tables surrounded the rig, arranged in a large oval around it. On each table there was a different classic home computer or videogame system, accompanied by tiered racks that appeared to hold a complete collection of its peripherals, controllers, software, and games. All of it was arranged perfectly, like a museum exhibit. Looking around the circle, from one system to the next, I saw that the computers seemed to be arranged roughly by year of origin. A PDP-1. An Altair 8800. An IMSAI 8080. An Apple I, right next to an Apple II. An Atari 2600. A Commodore PET. An Intellivision. Several different TRS-80 models. An Atari 400 and 800. A ColecoVision. A TI-99/4. A Sinclair ZX80. A Commodore 64. Various Nintendo and Sega game systems. The entire lineage of Macs and PCs, PlayStations and Xboxes. Finally, completing the circle, was an OASIS console—connected to the immersion rig in the center of the room. "I realized that I was standing in a re-creation of James Halliday’s office, the room in his mansion where he’d spent most of the last fifteen years of his life. The place where he’d coded his last and greatest game. The one I was now playing. I’d never seen any photos of this room, but its layout and contents had been described in great detail by the movers hired to clear the place out after Halliday’s death." -Wade realizes that the Egg has to be somewhere in this room. The chapter ends. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38303858) Date: May 28th, 2019 9:48 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Kinda sad that Cline has so few ideas that in one book we have to read about a guy beating an arcade game three times, an intrinsically boring thing, and then read about a guy repeating lines from a movie twice, also intrinsically boring. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38304380) Date: May 28th, 2019 10:06 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter “billionaire who only wants to playold Atari and intellivision platforms” scene is a pretty strong mark in favor of satire (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38304509) Date: May 28th, 2019 10:42 PM Author: at-the-ready juggernaut "'Damn, girl,' Aech said. 'You’ve got some serious knowledge.' really laying on the fat black chick trope here (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38304786) Date: May 29th, 2019 12:43 AM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38305466) Date: May 29th, 2019 6:06 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma the PDP-1 isn't a home computer. wikipedia says a typical system (each one was custom) weighed 1,600 lb. it was important in hacker culture, but from a games POV, the PDP--10 and -11 are far more important, because colossal cave was written on the 10 and zork was developed on the 11 (with zork, they developed the parser and database on PDPs and then localized them to microcomputers with platform-specific bitcode interpreters, sort of like how java runs on a JVM that's localized to the architecture of a particular PC). the altair and imsai are both short-run early computers with very similar architectures (s-100 bus, lots of hobbyist machines used it and altair was the standard setter). neither has much to do with games and the imsai was an unimportant altair clone anyway. this guy sucks. he's not even good at being a geek. all this stuff is in black and white in books like "dealers of lightning", "fire in the valley" and "get lamp". in about 5 hours of reading you can get all the research you need just by reading popular books. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38309343) Date: May 29th, 2019 7:24 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 38 Part 1 Chapter 38 -Two chapters left! Wade is in Halliday's office, which is completely filled with old computers. Wade tries to talk to his companions, but finds that he can't because Halliday has disabled outside communications for this room...but couldn't they just whisper into his ear on the actual suit or something? -Anyway, Wade tries all the computers and consoles in Halliday's office, but only one of them turns on: "the IMSAI 8080, the same model of computer Matthew Broderick owned in WarGames." -Wade tries to log in, but he needs a password. Wade struggles: "I tried each of his parents’ first names. I tried ZAPHOD, the name of his pet fish. Then TIBERIUS, the name of a ferret he’d once owned. None of them worked." -Wade struggles on for ten minutes, lamenting that Sorrento has likely caught up to him now, and will be able to cheat, "with a team of Halliday scholars whispering suggestions in his ear, thanks to his hacked immersion rig." But...Wade just had a bunch of friends whispering suggestions in HIS ear one challenge ago! Is this cheating or not? It seems really unclear. -Wade suddenly remembers a deep bit of Halliday arcana, mentioned earlier in the book as a line from Ogden Morrow's biography: Halliday was in love with Kira, but would only refer to her as Leucosia, the name of her D&D character. Lo and behold, Leucosia is the correct answer. As soon as Wade plugs it in, every other computer and console in the office powers on. -The finale of the contest is deeply anticlimactic. There is no final challenge, no final showdown with Sorrento, no sprint to the finish, no last-second twist. Instead, as soon as all the computers turn on, Wade knows exactly what to do: "I ran back over to the Atari 2600 and searched through the giant rack of alphabetized game cartridges beside it until I found the one I was looking for: Adventure. I shoved it into the Atari and turned the system on, then hit the Reset switch to start the game. "It took me only a few minutes to reach the Secret Room. I grabbed the sword and used it to slay all three of the dragons. Then I found the black key, opened the gates of the Black Castle, and ventured into its labyrinth. The gray dot was hidden right where it was supposed to be. I picked it up and carried it back across the tiny 8-bit kingdom, then used it to pass through the magic barrier and enter the Secret Room. But unlike the original Atari game, this Secret Room didn’t contain the name of Warren Robinett, Adventure’s original programmer. Instead, at the very center of the screen, there was a large white oval with pixelated edges. An egg. The egg." -As soon as he grabs the egg in the game, Wade suddenly gets a giant glowing egg in his hands. He returns back to Castle Anorak, which has been restored to its old state. He climbs up a newly-exposed staircase, places the Egg in a giant golden chalice, and wins the game. Yaaaaaaaaay. -Halliday appears as his avatar, Anorak, and transfers his power into Wade. As he does so, Halliday morphs back into an embarrassing shut-in: "When the lightning subsided, I saw that Anorak was no longer dressed in his black wizard’s robes. In fact, he no longer looked like Anorak at all. He was shorter, thinner, and somewhat less handsome. Now he looked like James Halliday. Pale. Middle-aged. He was dressed in worn jeans and a faded Space Invaders T-shirt." -Wade's avatar gets clothed in Anorak's robe. He also gets all his credits (a 12-figure amount), and gets perfect stats + invincibility. He is the god of the OASIS. Halliday's AI avatar also shows Wade a "Big Red Button" which if pressed will shut down the OASIS completely and delete everything on it. -Then, like in a bad sitcom, Halliday dumps a moral on Wade at the end: "Halliday slid the bookshelf back into place, concealing the button once again. Then he startled me by putting his arm around my shoulders. 'Listen,' he said, adopting a confidential tone. 'I need to tell you one last thing before I go. Something I didn’t figure out for myself until it was already too late.” He led me over to the window and motioned out at the landscape stretching out beyond it. “I created the OASIS because I never felt at home in the real world. I didn’t know how to connect with the people there. I was afraid, for all of my life. Right up until I knew it was ending. That was when I realized, as terrifying and painful as reality can be, it’s also the only place where you can find true happiness. Because reality is real. Do you understand?' "'Yes,' I said. 'I think I do.'" Okay, this moral isn't necessarily untrue, but Cline has done nothing, at all, to build up to it. I guess Wade started to fall in love with Art3mis, who exists in the real world, but they haven't done anything in real life. Their entire relationship is based on playing a virtual reality game and obessively consuming 1980s pop culture. In this book, there was no downside to this obsession: It allowed them to achieve their dreams and become rich beyond their wildest dreams. Cline clearly thinks the OASIS would be completely awesome and that endlessly consuming 80s games, movies, and TV shows would be a worthy pursuit. This book's moral is a desperate effort to offset that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38309840) Date: May 29th, 2019 8:22 PM Author: slimy library halford (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38310250) Date: May 30th, 2019 12:44 PM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter I take off my robe and wizard hat (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38313588) Date: May 30th, 2019 12:39 PM Author: Massive Stage Striped Hyena FINISH HIM (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38313566) Date: May 30th, 2019 12:40 PM Author: hairless legend (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38313569) Date: May 30th, 2019 12:41 PM Author: hairless legend Eagerly awaiting this final scholarly treat. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38313580) Date: May 30th, 2019 12:54 PM Author: sienna ape (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38313651) Date: May 30th, 2019 1:08 PM Author: trip lake marketing idea boistinker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38313728) Date: May 30th, 2019 2:35 PM Author: sienna ape Next book review: the Martian? I remember it being equally shitty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38314251) Date: May 30th, 2019 3:00 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler I literally think I caught AIDS watching that movie in theaters. Still want to strangle the fag that dragged me along to watch it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38314415) Date: May 30th, 2019 3:04 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Chapter 38 Part 2 -Halliday thanks Wade for playing his game, asks him to not make the same mistakes he did, and then fades out of existence. -It turns out that while Wade's friends couldn't communicate with him, they were able to see him complete the final challenge and talk to Halliday. The video feed cut out just before Halliday exposed the Big Red Button, though, and Wade decides to not tell the others about it. I guess that's dramatic irony for a sequel, or something? -The post-victory celebration happens but seems weirdly muted: "'Good job, man,' Shoto said. "'Congratulations, Wade,' I heard Art3mis say. And I could tell she meant it too. "'Thanks,' I said. 'But I couldn’t have done it without you guys.' "'You’re right,' Art3mis said. 'Remember to mention that when you talk to the media. Og says there are a few hundred reporters on their way here right now.'" [How do they know he's there? Wasn't the entire point that Og was helping them hide?] -Wade's first action as god of the OASIS is to pettily go and vaporize the 18 remaining Sixer avatars who just got kicked out of the third gate: "I pulled up my map of Chthonia and saw that I could now teleport anywhere in the OASIS simply by selecting my desired destination in the atlas. I zoomed in on Castle Anorak and tapped a spot just outside the front entrance, and in a blink, my avatar was standing there. I was right. When I’d cleared the Third Gate, the eighteen Sixer avatars who were still inside had been ejected from the gate and deposited in front of the castle. They were all standing there with confused looks on their faces when I appeared in front of them, resplendent in my new threads. They all stared at me in silence for a few seconds, then pulled out guns and swords, preparing to attack. They all looked identical, so I couldn’t tell which one was being controlled by Sorrento. But at this point, I didn’t really care. [WOW SO BADASS] "Using my avatar’s new superuser interface, I made a sweeping gesture with my hand, selecting all of the Sixer avatars on my display. Their outlines began to glow red. Then I tapped the skull-and-crossbones icon that now appeared on my avatar’s toolbar. All eighteen Sixer avatars instantly dropped dead. Their bodies slowly faded out of existence, each leaving behind a tiny pile of weapons and loot." -Wade's second action is to resurrect Shoto, Art3mis, and Aech along with all their items. TBH, this seems pointless given all three of them are now billionaires and could presumably just BUY their shit back. And why not resurrect the millions of other avatars who died helping Wade get the Egg, and didn't get any monetary prize? Fuck them, I guess. Also, Cline's description of this resurrection is, like most of this book, pointlessly descriptive: "A dialog window popped up, asking me to confirm the spelling of each of their avatar names. Once I did, the system asked me if, in addition to resurrecting their avatars, I wanted to restore all of their lost items, too. I tapped the Yes icon. Then a message appeared in the center of my display: RESURRECTION COMPLETE. AVATARS RESTORED." Why did he need to write out the entire process for that? Is it supposed to be mildly funny or something? Do we really need the exact description of how he confirmed the spelling of their usernames, and specified that YES THEIR ITEMS COME BACK TOO. What is the point? Gah. -Art3mis doesn't log back in to see her avatar, though, as she has instead gone out into Ogden's garden where she is waiting to meet Wade. Before Wade goes out to meet her, there is a final TWIST: Sorrento has gone down. "'Wait a second! Before you log out, you’ve got to see something,' he said, opening a window in front of me. 'This is airing on all of the newsfeeds right now. The feds just took Sorrento in for questioning. They stormed into IOI headquarters and yanked him right out of his haptic chair!' ... "Aech hit Play, and the news clip continued. The federal agents continued to usher Sorrento through the lobby, which was packed with reporters, all pushing against one another and shouting questions." Btw, Cline has a thing for people getting yanked from haptic chairs: -"When the dropcop finished strapping on the ball gag, he grabbed me by the exoskeleton of my haptic suit, yanked me out of my haptic chair like a rag doll, and threw me on the floor." -"I watched in horror as they rushed in, yanked him out of his haptic chair, and threw him off the balcony." -"They stormed into IOI headquarters and yanked him right out of his haptic chair!" Also, it's odd that Aech is actually informing Wade of this. He was only on his own inside the simulation for, like, 20 minutes tops. It seems like they'd both be learning it at the same time. Also, if the federal agents JUST showed up to arrest Sorrento it's pretty surprising the the press were all on-hand to record it in the moment, though I can concede they may have been there to cover the end of the egg hunt regardless. -Despite Sorrento's arrest, Wade admits that IOI likely isn't finished: "'The bastard will probably get off scot-free,' I said. 'IOI can afford to hire the best lawyers in the world.' "'Yes, they can,' Aech said. Then he flashed his Cheshire grin. 'But now so can we.' Of course, prosecutions are handled by the state, so that doesn't really mean anything. BTW, Aech's "Cheshire" grin is mentioned seven times in the book, and Cline seems to imply that it's an ingratiating, positive thing. Maybe I'm dumb, but I feel like a "Cheshire grin" is supposed to be sinister and off-putting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38314444) Date: May 30th, 2019 3:13 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal Tyty! Just in time for my afternoon shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38314477) Date: May 30th, 2019 6:19 PM Author: Bateful partner "'Yes, they can,' Aech said. Then he flashed his Cheshire grin. 'But now so can we.' lmao would have been 180 if cline had wade say "so?" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38315349) Date: May 30th, 2019 8:57 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Final Chapter Final Chapter -Wade gets out of the OASIS and meets Ogden, who "bear hugs" him and informs him that a team of lawyers and GSS executives have already arrived. So, they all agreed to come out to Oregon on the mere off chance that a member of Wade's team would win? They must have, because obviously they couldn't have arrived in rural Oregon in the handful of minutes since Wade found the Egg. -Shoto and Aech are holding "impromptu press conferences" inside the OASIS, but Ogden informs Wade that Art3mis is waiting at the center of a hedge maze outside in his garden. -As Wade steps outside toward the hedge maze, he comments on the lovely weather: "The air was warm, and the sun was already high overheard. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. It was a beautiful day." Wait...HOLD THE FUCK UP. As we saw when Wade got arrested back in Columbus (only one week ago), it's the middle of winter! Art3mis found the Jade Key on December 30th, so it's probably not even the end of January yet. Morrow's home is described as being surrounded on all sides by the Wallowa Mountains. Those mountains are in a subarctic climate zone and would be freezing in winter. Even if we leave the mountains and look at the climate for the closest town (Enterprise, Oregon), the average January temperature there is only 34 degrees and the RECORD high is 61 degrees! But apparently it's warm there, SO warm in fact that Morrow has a flourishing hedge maze ("The dense hedge walls that comprised the maze were ten feet tall"). God dammit, Cline. -Think we're done with references? Haha, fuck no: "I entered the maze and wandered around in circles for a few minutes, confused. Eventually, I realized that the maze’s layout was identical to the labyrinth in Adventure." -Wade finds Art3mis, seated on a bench and staring at a stone fountain, a "detailed" model of Adventure's three dragons (so I guess they look like this: https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/AdventureDragon_8968.png ) -Wade's meeting with Art3mis is...romantic, I guess? "I was afraid to move any closer. Finally, I worked up the courage to speak. 'Hello,' I said. "She lifted her head at the sound of my voice, but didn’t turn around. "'Hello,' I heard her say. And it was her voice. Art3mis’s voice. The voice I’d spent so many hours listening to. And that gave me the courage to step forward. I walked around the fountain and stopped once I was standing directly in front of her. As she heard me approach, she turned her head away, averting her eyes and keeping me out of her field of vision. "But I could see her. "She looked just as she had in the photo I’d seen. She had the same Rubenesque body. The same pale, freckled skin. The same hazel eyes and raven hair. The same beautiful round face, with the same reddish birthmark. But unlike in that photo, she wasn’t trying to hide the birthmark with a sweep of her hair. She had her hair brushed back, so I could see it. "I waited in silence. But she still wouldn’t look up at me. "'You look just like I always pictured you,' I said. 'Beautiful.' "'Really?” she said softly. Slowly, she turned to face me, taking in my appearance a little at a time, starting with my feet and then gradually working her way up to my face. When our eyes finally met, she smiled at me nervously. 'Well, what do you know? You look just like I always thought you would too,” she said. 'Butt ugly.' [BTW, even after a week out of his room wouldn't Wade still basically look like the pale hairless shut-in that he was for months?] "We both laughed, and most of the tension in the air dissipated. Then we stared into each other’s eyes for what seemed like a long time. It was, I realized, also the very first time." -Their magical meetup is followed by a magical conversation where Wade disavows his dream of leaving Earth in a huge spaceship: "I smiled. 'We’re going to use all of the moolah we just won to feed everyone on the planet. We’re going to make the world a better place, right?' "She grinned. 'Don’t you want to build a huge interstellar spaceship, load it full of videogames, junk food, and comfy couches, and then get the hell out of here?' "'I’m up for that, too,' I said. 'If it means I get to spend the rest of my life with you.' She gave me a shy smile. 'We’ll have to see,' she said. 'We just met, you know.' "'I’m in love with you.' Her lower lip started to tremble. 'You’re sure about that?' "'Yes. I am. Because it’s true.' "She smiled at me, but I also saw that she was crying. 'I’m sorry for breaking things off with you,' she said. 'For disappearing from your life. I just—' "'It’s OK,' I said. 'I understand why you did it now.'" Well, if Wade understands, it'd be great if he explained it to the rest of us, because it still doesn't make sense to me. Her breaking things off didn't enable her to find the Egg. It didn't even motivate Wade to find the Jade Key; Aech tipped him off on that one. In the end, they were only able to complete the challenge by working together, NOT by splitting up and going their own way. This statement is nonsensical. -Wade, not flame, tells Art3mis he is a "nice guy": "We can take things as slow as you like. I’m really a nice guy, once you get to know me. I swear." -And then...THEY KISS: "It felt just like all those songs and poems had promised it would. It felt wonderful. Like being struck by lightning." 1. Being struck by lightning doesn't feel wonderful. 2. I'm shocked Wade didn't list specific 80s songs that the kiss reminded him of. 3. There is no way Wade had time to read poetry between all those Family Ties and video game marathons. Aaaaaaaand, fin! Wade's final line: "For the first time in as long as I could remember, I had absolutely no desire to log back into the OASIS." Final thoughts to follow. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38316245) Date: May 30th, 2019 9:00 PM Author: Pea-brained mildly autistic brunch alpha Was it ever explained where Artemis got the money to become fat in a world where most people couldn't afford the food? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38316264) Date: May 30th, 2019 9:02 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Probably the same store of family wealth that allowed her to live in a large suburban house in a world where, according to Wade, the suburbs totally collapsed and generated refugees fleeing into large cities. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38316280) Date: May 30th, 2019 10:10 PM Author: slimy library halford the lawyers bared in Oregon are the real heros (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38316781) Date: May 30th, 2019 10:15 PM Author: Offensive gaming laptop deer antler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38316821) Date: May 30th, 2019 10:22 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38316902) Date: May 30th, 2019 10:29 PM Author: sienna ape One of the most damning parts that you mentioned is that this fat fuck was completely hairless. No body hair. Bald. No eyebrows. He probably hadn’t showered in at least a week either since he was so intent on finishing the clues or whatever. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38316954) Date: May 30th, 2019 10:44 PM Author: Twisted racy meetinghouse cuckoldry cr he probably looked like butterbean after several rounds of chemo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38317025) Date: June 3rd, 2019 7:59 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter Burst out laughing at the lightning line (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38331433) Date: May 30th, 2019 10:37 PM Author: Crimson disturbing corner In the end, the only real hero is Charles (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38316997) Date: May 30th, 2019 10:54 PM Author: sienna ape (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38317086) Date: May 31st, 2019 8:56 AM Author: hairless legend (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38318315) Date: June 1st, 2019 1:27 PM Author: amber den friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38324297) Date: June 1st, 2019 4:24 PM Author: fluffy rough-skinned dragon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38324960) Date: June 3rd, 2019 7:58 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38331430) Date: June 3rd, 2019 11:16 AM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38332030) Date: June 21st, 2019 5:43 PM Author: black casino famous landscape painting (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38422065) Date: June 22nd, 2019 7:00 AM Author: amber den friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38424099) Date: June 1st, 2019 4:21 PM Author: slimy library halford The narrator protagonist seems very unreliable / self-absorbed / delusional Vibe seems like society as a whole DGAF about the oasis video game, which would explain why the Egg clues remained unsolved (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38324939) Date: June 1st, 2019 4:37 PM Author: Scarlet sneaky criminal You are giving the author WAAAAAAAAY too much credit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38324999) Date: June 1st, 2019 4:55 PM Author: know-it-all address national security agency would be 180 lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38325054) Date: June 5th, 2019 9:25 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter 180 twist (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38342729) Date: June 4th, 2019 11:32 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Subject: Conclusion Man, what a crummy book. Thanks for following the thread this far. I thought I'd wrap up with a few final comments on the book, looking at things that didn't come up in the course of simply narrating the plot. 1. The terribleness of Ready Player One is only enhanced by its popularity. Christian Nation, at least, was obscure and has mixed reader reviews. Not so with RPO. On Amazon it has a 4.6 rating from more than 18,000 reviews. On its Goodreads page it averages a 4.28 rating from a staggering 715,000 readers. Here's some books RPO has a higher rating than: -The Count of Monte Cristo -Every single Cormac McCarthy novel -Every Jane Austen novel -Any of Isaac Asimov's Foundation or Robot novels. Similarly, all of Heinlein's novels, and every standalone Gene Wolfe novel. -Any standalone Shakespeare play. It also has more ratings than any play except Romeo and Juliet. -The Iliad and The Odyssey -Heroically, Dostoevsky's Brothers Karamazov DOES have a higher rating, barely. His other books...nope! 2. Cline tends to grossly over-explain things that aren't at all necessary for the plot or even worldbuilding of his story. For instance, when he flies to the cyberpunk planet to dance with Artemis, he takes an entire paragraph to explain how in cyberpunk land it's dangerous to leave his car around. He mentions having anti-theft systems AND booby traps, but anyway it doesn't matter because he instead uses magic to shrink his car and carry it in his pocket. Then, on a different planet (when he's completing the Blade Runner challenge) he takes ANOTHER paragraph to explain how magic isn't allowed on THIS planet, so he has to rely on the anti-theft mechanisms instead. This doesn't matter at all; nobody ever tries to steal his car and it's never brought up again. This is just one example; this sort of unneeded explanation happens CONSTANTLY. I feel like it reflects a degree of Reddit autism, where he overexplains things because he's terrified of being caught with a notional "plot hole." 3. Cline also has a remarkable ability to set up conflicts and then instantly dissipate them without any tension at all. Often, Wade will even BEGIN a description of event by saying that he easily beat it, and THEN double back and explain it anyway. Some examples: -The final battle against the Sixers outside Castle Anorak is a total rout. The Sixers are utterly annihilated in minutes; their much-hyped giant robots are smashed to pieces before they can even form Voltron. The only road-block at all is Sorrento as Mecha-Godzilla, but then Wade just turns into Ultraman and rips him apart easily. -Wade has the Dungeons of Daggorath and Zork games basically memorized so he easily clears both of them without much effort or much description from Cline. -Wade has to mow down tons of enemies to reach the Second Gate, but there's no tension at all. He's not caught by surprise, he doesn't have to use any ingenuity to get by them, in fact, he can't even TAKE DAMAGE from them. It just "plays out like the climax of a John Woo movie," enemy bullets plink harmlessly off his armor, and he breezes through. So exciting! -The Second Gate challenge, Black Tiger, is an admirable change of pace: Instead of simply reciting a movie he's memorized or playing a game he's mastered, Wade has to go INSIDE a game, as if he were the actual protagonist. This has potential, and Cline does say that Wade nearly loses...but then none of this is described! The entire gate is summarized in half a page; Cline spends more time reciting the opening scene of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. -Speaking of which, both of Wade's movie re-enactments (Wargames and Monty Python) are completely effortless. He breezes through both movies with no challenge at all. Also, after the Wargames re-enactment Cline just drones on about how movie re-enactments (dubbed flicksyncs) later became SUPER POPULAR. This is extremely forced and I guess it was only included in the hopes that a real game company gets the message and creates flicksyncs in real life. 4. Before the Tempest challenge at the end, Wade describes his "pregame ritual": "Stretching, cracking my knuckles, rolling my head and neck left and right." This ritual is not mentioned any other time in the book, despite Wade playing an awful lot of arcade games. 5. Similarly, near the book's end Wade describes Art3mis laughing "her little musical laugh," as if it's been described that way before. But earlier in the book, Wade describes her laugh totally differently: "an honest, genuine laugh that involved a fair amount of snorting." He even calls it "dorky." 6. The movie sounds vastly better than the book, so I don't think I'll watch it. Hilariously, there are many reviews complaining that the book is much better. 7. Cline is writing a sequel to this book, while I will probably read for XO when it comes out. He also wrote another unrelated novel, Armada, which is apparently brutally bad too. I'm undecided about reading that one. 8. Obviously my other big book review thread was Christian Nation. Overall, while the actual writing style of RPO is worse, I think Christian Nation is the more thoroughly irredeemable book. I still remain in awe of how awful it was on every level. I badly want Fred Rich to publish another novel, and when he does I hope it's a biglaw thriller I can cover on XO. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38341705) Date: June 4th, 2019 11:43 PM Author: fighting newt coldplay fan Reserved (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38341764) Date: June 5th, 2019 7:04 AM Author: Crimson disturbing corner I would love to get your take on the movie as a comparison (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38342421) Date: June 5th, 2019 12:44 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook Maaaaaaybe, but I see so few movies that watching that particular one seems like a waste. And like I said, it frankly looks way better. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38343699) Date: June 21st, 2019 5:44 PM Author: slimy library halford (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38422069) Date: June 5th, 2019 9:29 AM Author: hideous indecent faggot firefighter Thank you for your service I agree that this was a riper target than Christian Nation, which I had never even heard of. Your criticism of both has been hilarious. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38342753) Date: August 10th, 2019 6:16 PM Author: blue twinkling uncleanness RP1 author: loving relationship with adoring wife CXII: endlessly turned down by DC shrew buffet why? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38667559) Date: August 10th, 2019 6:56 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook You’re a few months behind the times, friend. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38667695) Date: November 10th, 2019 1:47 PM Author: Snowy Giraffe Ernest Cline got divorced? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#39097383) Date: November 10th, 2019 1:44 PM Author: Marvelous Police Squad University (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#39097375) Date: July 8th, 2020 6:31 PM Author: free-loading zombie-like toaster Ready Player Two coming out November 24 https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/amp/heat-vision/ready-player-two-sets-november-publishing-date-1302284?__twitter_impression=true An advent scholarly sweet treat from Charles this year? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#40570030) Date: July 8th, 2020 6:34 PM Author: out-of-control cracking travel guidebook 180, will 100% read it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#40570037) Date: July 8th, 2020 6:44 PM Author: slimy library halford (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#40570066) Date: July 8th, 2020 7:24 PM Author: Charismatic magical coffee pot hissy fit 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#40570219) Date: November 25th, 2020 10:21 PM Author: free-loading zombie-like toaster Glad a hot new poaster was able to provide the SWEET TREATS (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#41438000) Date: July 10th, 2020 7:52 PM Author: Fragrant Onyx Immigrant (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#40583342) Date: July 10th, 2020 10:50 PM Author: Spectacular Irate Senate Volcanic Crater (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#40584099) Date: July 11th, 2020 12:40 AM Author: Marvelous Police Squad University (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#40584545)