Their reasoning? “Traditional metrics perpetuate hierarchical oppression and discourage authentic expression.”

HR, of course, rubber-stamped the proposal faster than you can say “fuck accountability.”

Now, it’s pure anarchy.

Keisha spends her shifts lounging on pallets in the stockroom, flipping through BBW Ranching Quarterly, while

Jamal ghosts halfway through the day, claiming he needs time for “self-directed meditation.”

Jerry live-streams himself from the dairy aisle, shouting, “What’s up, my friends? This is Jerry, coming to you live from the MILK ZONE!”

Today, during the lunch rush, a customer asked me why half the shelves were empty. Meanwhile, I caught Keisha sitting in the breakroom with her feet propped up on a case of LaCroix, hollering, “Work smarter, not harder, friend!”

When I begged HR for some oversight, Tabitha just shrugged. “Metrics are a tool of capitalist oppression, Evan. Focus on team morale.”

Spent the day restocking alone, while the BBWs watched me struggle, snacking on bulk trail mix. Jamal wandered by around 4 PM, nodding sagely: “You’re really building character today, friend.”

Leaned against the freezer door, whispered, “Yes, friend. This is fine.”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5630898&forum_id=2#48315053)