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Hypo: $3M for nothing or $50k per yard as D1 kick and punt returner
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Date: September 29th, 2026 4:35 PM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king You can choose either of the following:
(a) $3M for doing nothing
or
(b) You'll be put in a time machine back to a few weeks ago, before the college football season started. You'll be assigned to a random D1 college football team. This season, you will take all punt returns for the team. And you will be their main kick returner, though they may have another returner back there with you, for kicks way off to the other side.
On punt returns, for every yard you gain, you will get $50k. You will lose $50k for each yard lost. You get $100k for a fair catch. No penalty or reward for a punt you don't catch or try to return.
On kick returns, for every yard you gain past the 20, you will get $50k. You will lose $50k for each yard behind the 20 you finish a return. No penalty or reward for touchbacks.
For either, you will lose $250k for a lost fumble or lost muffed kick or punt.
Which do you choose? |
Date: September 29th, 2026 4:55 PM Author: Sable slippery gay wizard base what about fair catches on kickoffs? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160841) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:03 PM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king No penalty or reward (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160851) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 6:07 PM Author: Sable slippery gay wizard base then close call but id probably take the 3 million.
id be fair catching almost everything. no way im attempting to return a ball except where i can easily get out of bounds |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 6:09 PM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king Just 2 fair catches per game x 12 games gets you $2.4M. Throw in a few returns here and there on long punts, and you're good to go. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160938) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 6:14 PM Author: Sable slippery gay wizard base yeah thats why its close. it seems possible to beat 3 million without doing a whole lot.
but ljl at seriously trying to return the ball against d1 players |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:05 PM Author: pale parlor hmm $3 million for nothing or lose a bunch of money and get hurt 🤔 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160854) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:09 PM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king You can't find your way to 5 return yards per game? Just 4 weeks into the season, there are already 57 D1 players with 60 or more punt return yards. Not even counting kick returns. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160857) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:28 PM Author: pale parlor i'm a middle aged lawyer (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160879) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:31 PM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king It's 5 yards. Sometimes the returner catches the ball with no one around or only one man he needs to make miss. Take a step to the side, burst forward for three steps, then slide. There's 5 yards. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160883) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:35 PM Author: pale parlor burst? slide? did you miss the middle aged lawyer part (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160891) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:37 PM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king I'm not talking about beating a DB deep. Literally just catch the ball and go forward a few steps. 5 yards gets you $250k. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160895) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:53 PM Author: pale parlor doing nothing gets me $3 million (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160909) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:08 PM Author: Out-of-control bearded marketing idea seems like it would be crazy to ever call a fair catch when you only have to squeeze out a measly four yards to double your payout. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160856) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:10 PM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktlCM1qV5Io (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160859) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:24 PM Author: Out-of-control bearded marketing idea ouch lol. that’s a fair point, but you have to keep in mind these plays were only compiled into a reel *because* they’re relatively rare. you simply need to get 4+ yards >50% of the time for this to be a winning strategy. sure, you might take a few extra lumps that way but, hey, that’s football. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160874) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:25 PM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king CR. And if you're a good athlete, 4+ yards per return is a reasonable floor. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160876) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:27 PM Author: Out-of-control bearded marketing idea you only have to rip one 60yd return to clear the $3mm floor. everything on top of that is gravy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160877) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:32 PM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king Absolutely. Get a good solid floor of fair catches and 5 yard returns. And be patient and wait for your chance to split two defenders and take one all the way. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160885) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:18 PM Author: Fucking Fuckface I'd retire on 3 million. Easy call
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:27 PM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king Why retire on $3M when you could easily get $9M?
2 fair catches per game = $200K 10 return yards per game = $500K
$700k/game x 12 games = $8.4M
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:33 PM Author: Fucking Fuckface Why do that when I can just retire now? What the fuck am I going to do with $9 million anyway? I don't want to buy a bunch of shit or have people envy me. I definitely don't want undue risk that my remaining few healthy years will be marred or ruined by a football injury
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:21 PM Author: fishy irradiated corner https://www.foxsports.com/college-football/stats?category=returning&sort=ret_puntyds&season=2025&groupId=2&sortOrder=desc you'd only get like 30 total returns combined (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160871) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 5:30 PM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king A fair catch doesn't count as a return. So if you can average just 3 yards per return x 30 returns, you'd get $4.5M from the returns, then add in the fair catches. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160881) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 6:19 PM Author: chestnut church mexican lol $3m obviously (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160946) |
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Date: September 29th, 2026 6:40 PM Author: bespoke talking den so 3m or 30m when i get atouchdown every return? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50160975) |
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Date: September 30th, 2026 11:24 AM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50162039) |
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Date: September 30th, 2026 10:23 AM Author: stimulating sanctuary trump supporter do I get NIL on top of this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50161863) |
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Date: September 30th, 2026 11:24 AM Author: Flesh Startled Senate Philosopher-king Absolutely. Maybe WestLaw will sponsor you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5907783&forum_id=2#50162038) |