as i said i was in mourning. the dirty, unsheeted mattress is my sackcloth. the empty tea bottles and coffee cans, the knots in my uncut hair, the paper hardtack wrappers on my floor, this was deliberate, in situ. and yet there is no respect for it. have i ever struck at a man---even teased a man---in great and sincere grief, barring those who were in an unjust quarrel against me? have i ever ruthlessly kicked any of my many (but fake, oft paid, and localized solely to this site) haters when they've been on the floor catatonic from the weight of the world? did i not treat even the lowliest maggots here with kindness and charity? was this not "chesed"? and look at what this has gotten me. and to know furthermore that part of this was to deliberately spite the Christian ethos, it's sickening. what minor violence i've done in very recent days to these ratty imps and lechers is but a fraction of the raw contempt and inclinations towards wrath that i have for them after witnessing this bestial disrespect for the sacred movements of feeling, animated by the complexity of the lord's creation, within a man's soul. every nicety, every kindness, every bit of gain left on the table so that a poorer man may eat---a poisoned copper stiletto in my back, a dart in my ankle, a slash on my chest. it's sickening. void of the spirit of fraternity that is supposed to unite men.

what do i want? to annihilate jewish people? the same jewish people that i enjoy joking and fraternizing with, that i go out of my way to study with---and hand off, for free, little bits of this or that that may help them reflect or consider this or that of scripture or secondary literature---in the spirit of oneness that the people of adam's loins are supposed to share?

and the screeching about "your jewish" or not jewish when i laid out exactly what i was doing as a choirmaster, a meshorer, a director of the nasheed, influencing and shaping the dialectic to an end that, had it been allowed to play out, would resolve this very issue that Israel and the jews in general are facing? and then being blamed for that absence by the very same people that did not allow it, as an idea, to bloom into the masterful resolution of what's being discussed, the cause of the long-set friction? "jewish secrets" that exist on the front page of the chabad newsletter or in a cursory exploration of publicly available texts---texts jews have been encouraging others to peruse to clear up misconceptions brought about by a deliberately poisonous "world-framing"? it's petty, dull, quotidian, and horrific as a confluence of all mentioned before.

i am furious. the flames of my anger, the blue-hot fires of my wrath have been ignited like this after three damned years of "forgive and attempt to understand, to empathize, et al, let the peoples in the assembly show their true faces" and they burn like an oil fire over the altar of elijah. deliberately taking advantage of goodwill and entreaty to befoul the spirit that offers it is truly a "sick piece of work".

here's the truth of it: at the core of this site is a cabal of extremely racist and hyperinsular jewish people, often and widely disagreed with by others members of the entirety of the spiritual assembly of israel, toying with and fucking with our attempts to understand and "tikkun olam" heal a world in perpetual bleed and decay from centuries of exploitative human agribusiness. and i'm fucking sick of it. i've been sick of it since the first day i got wind of it. it's abhorrent, monstrous, criminally vile. and even just posting is too much resistance to a colonial project undertaken by this same group of very genuine---they're not joking, they don't accept handshakes from non-jews---supremacists using this as a "take".

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5852970&forum_id=2...#49790617)