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Good writers: Fix this clunky sentence I can't seem to fix

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Fuchsia Territorial Place Of Business New Version
  04/30/21
"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenge...
passionate magenta personal credit line marketing idea
  04/30/21
they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a ...
demanding pale doctorate market
  04/30/21
Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, jus...
Overrated police squad
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Maniacal Address
  05/02/21
Quick fixxx
Sooty Coffee Pot Codepig
  02/25/22
“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a ...
vengeful fiercely-loyal hell jap
  04/30/21
...
clear clown jew
  04/30/21
i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts e...
Fuchsia Territorial Place Of Business New Version
  04/30/21
Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main pe...
vengeful fiercely-loyal hell jap
  04/30/21
C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "...
Fuchsia Territorial Place Of Business New Version
  04/30/21
"at this time" ROFL
passionate magenta personal credit line marketing idea
  04/30/21
Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually d...
demanding pale doctorate market
  04/30/21
Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/...
vengeful fiercely-loyal hell jap
  04/30/21
You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be impo...
demanding pale doctorate market
  04/30/21
While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C w...
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  04/30/21
...
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  04/30/21
As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passe...
Abnormal ratface
  04/30/21
This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just g...
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  04/30/21
...
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  04/30/21
...
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Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like...
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As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, an...
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FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshi...
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As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX ...
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i think you nailed it.
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...
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i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being perform...
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A and B passed D and C, who was driving.
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sounds like a riddle
passionate magenta personal credit line marketing idea
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i hate this crap As A and B were driving in the X area, t...
carmine chapel
  04/30/21
i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly o...
Fuchsia Territorial Place Of Business New Version
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who...
carmine chapel
  04/30/21
doesn't it need "D's car"
Fuchsia Territorial Place Of Business New Version
  04/30/21
it says he was driving, which means an automobile. if y...
carmine chapel
  04/30/21
Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was ...
demanding pale doctorate market
  04/30/21
you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interest...
orange piazza
  04/30/21
Were A and B both at the wheel?
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turns out it was a tandem bicycle.
clear clown jew
  04/30/21
...
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As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted...
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  04/30/21
The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the ot...
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star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain
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still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of i...
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vengeful fiercely-loyal hell jap
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Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going thr...
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...
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A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged...
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So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's th...
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400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the for...
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I just copied this from a brief.
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how
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High | level | legal work
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Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car...
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A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as ...
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two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his ca...
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C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook a...
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As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Self-absorbed property party of the first part
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Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may h...
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This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more...
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writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I ...
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What’s that
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You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. Th...
Crimson national
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Diverse Indecent Boltzmann Brethren
  04/30/21
Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, ...
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A and B saw C driving in X
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andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed ...
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great thread
Razzmatazz Institution Organic Girlfriend
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Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence. A and...
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A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through ar...
orange piazza
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Where are we on this? Thank
Crimson national
  05/02/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Bossy stead
  02/22/22
OP, does this help?
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i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't m...
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"and containing D as" -> "in which D was&q...
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Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not...
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Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:48 AM
Author: Fuchsia Territorial Place Of Business New Version

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376133)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:57 AM
Author: passionate magenta personal credit line marketing idea

"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenger, by both A and B."

(no one gives a fuck whether A and B were driving or doing a standing 69 at the time they saw these faggots)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376836)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: demanding pale doctorate market

they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a role potentially. Better to keep it clean.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376873)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:10 PM
Author: Overrated police squad

Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, just that they passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377665)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:40 PM
Author: Maniacal Address

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42386999)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:42 PM
Author: Sooty Coffee Pot Codepig
Subject: Quick fixxx

As A and B were driving in X, they passed a car driven by C containing D as a passenger.

EDIT: LMAO at the date

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44032731)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:52 AM
Author: vengeful fiercely-loyal hell jap

“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C. D was a passenger in C’s car at the time.”

Would break up the sentences. Your original sentence isn’t terrible though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376145)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:53 AM
Author: clear clown jew



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376148)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Fuchsia Territorial Place Of Business New Version

i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts emphasis on "D was a passenger in C’s car at this time" -- which is a minor detail.

it doesn't really matter whether C or D is the driver.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376159)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:56 AM
Author: vengeful fiercely-loyal hell jap

Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main person.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376166)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: Fuchsia Territorial Place Of Business New Version

C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "C's car" for clarity

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376201)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:51 AM
Author: passionate magenta personal credit line marketing idea

"at this time"

ROFL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376807)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:54 AM
Author: demanding pale doctorate market

Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually driving. Or were they in two separate cars, both of which passed C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376155)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: vengeful fiercely-loyal hell jap

Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/c I didn’t know what the surrounding sentences are like.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376160)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:04 AM
Author: demanding pale doctorate market

You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be important to be clear who was driving in the passing car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376205)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Mint curious quadroon forum

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C was driving with a passenger, D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376157)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:57 AM
Author: Bateful Know-it-all Chad Sex Offender



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376168)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:58 AM
Author: Abnormal ratface

As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376174)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Crimson national

This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just generally to give you the right idea on how to handle this sort of thing, please develop as part of an exercise in your own development as a lawyer. Really need to break this into clauses that explain everything.

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

WHEREAS A, B, C, and D are human persons domiciled in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS X is a certain area in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS A, B, and C are legally authorized to operate motor vehicles ("cars" and each individual such vehicle a "car")

WHEREAS on that certain date, A, B, and C were operating cars.

WHEREAS on that certain date, D was a passenger in the car operated by C.

Now, therefore be it resolved, on that certain date, the aforementioned cars traversed on intersecting paths in Area X.

[I assume by "passed" you mean "passed" as in "they passed by each other while headed in different directions," revise if you mean they were going the same way and A/B's cars passed/overtook C's car.]

Please handle and recirculate, thanks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: Fuchsia Territorial Place Of Business New Version



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376203)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: Diverse Indecent Boltzmann Brethren



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376392)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:08 AM
Author: dashing seedy really tough guy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376526)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:25 AM
Author: Cordovan multi-colored goal in life genital piercing



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376657)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:40 PM
Author: Brindle wonderful son of senegal hunting ground

Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44453959)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Swashbuckling Indigo Filthpig Point

As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, and although none of them said a word, they understood each other perfectly. It was X area after all. Are there any Xs around, they wondered? They passed a beaten-up vehicle with ridiculous oversized chromed wheels with C as a driver and D as a passenger. X's! - thought A and B. C and D did not think anything. They were high.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376178)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:36 AM
Author: heady stock car



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376332)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Ruddy Cerebral Rehab



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376340)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Vibrant antidepressant drug patrolman

FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshit car alone(some other NIFmGGA was drivomg alone in another car) they passed ALPHA TURD C , who has MANY DRINKING BUDDIES, SO NATURALLY HAD A PASSENGER (most likely an AZNgirl getting wet for MAMMOTH TURDCOCK)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376183)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: twinkling space candlestick maker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376187)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Crimson national



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376195)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: disturbing psychic



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376249)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Bistre Sweet Tailpipe Legend



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376406)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:36 AM
Author: Irate laser beams hall



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376713)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:37 AM
Author: Diverse Indecent Boltzmann Brethren



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376724)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:32 PM
Author: Flushed pontificating affirmative action church building



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377057)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2021 12:19 AM
Author: twinkling space candlestick maker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42380818)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: twinkling space candlestick maker

As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX area, C drove by with D cumming in his ass.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376184)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: clear clown jew

i think you nailed it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376191)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: Razzmatazz Institution Organic Girlfriend



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42378174)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: clear clown jew

i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being performed right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376189)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: charismatic wild set cuck



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376669)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Nubile persian foreskin

A and B passed D and C, who was driving.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376194)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Cruel-hearted Alcoholic Whorehouse Cuckold



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376341)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:52 AM
Author: passionate magenta personal credit line marketing idea

sounds like a riddle

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376816)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: carmine chapel

i hate this crap

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D driving with C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376197)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: Fuchsia Territorial Place Of Business New Version

i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly off

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376206)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: carmine chapel

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who was driving with C).

This is it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376211)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:07 AM
Author: Fuchsia Territorial Place Of Business New Version

doesn't it need "D's car"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376216)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:42 AM
Author: carmine chapel

it says he was driving, which means an automobile.

if you think specifying what kind of automobile is a key detail then can add that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376370)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: demanding pale doctorate market

Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was driving. Ever. If he wasnt.

As A was driving, they passed ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376208)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: orange piazza

you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interested.

"Where did this take place? In X. And what happened in X? A and B were together in a car. And what did that car do? Why it passed by another car, a car driven by C. And was C alone in that second car? No, no C was not. C was with D. That's right. A and B passed C and D. It's all true."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376212)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:08 AM
Author: Exciting twinkling uncleanness nursing home

Were A and B both at the wheel?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376217)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:13 AM
Author: clear clown jew

turns out it was a tandem bicycle.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376233)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:20 AM
Author: Cruel-hearted Alcoholic Whorehouse Cuckold



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376607)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: disturbing psychic

As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted area, they passed a car driven by a nigger and containing some other faggot as a passenger. Regards, I hope this helps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376246)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:26 AM
Author: Marvelous dilemma knife

The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the other, C was driving D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376290)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:29 AM
Author: Nubile persian foreskin

star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376306)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:31 AM
Author: Marvelous dilemma knife

still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of items to hit: location, two cars, who was each driver and who was each passenger, that they passed.

This does it and leaves no uncertainty at all

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376317)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:34 AM
Author: vengeful fiercely-loyal hell jap



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376330)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:35 AM
Author: Ruddy Cerebral Rehab

Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going through section X. *makes large "X" using forearms* And boom! Right there, they pass car C. *makes "C" using hand* A car which, at the time, was containing D *unzips pants* as a passenger. *pulls cock out of fly* Any questions?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376331)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: heady stock car



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376336)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:40 AM
Author: racy angry university preventive strike

A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged in that most fanciful of modern hobbies, navigation of modern paved roads in a device propelled by an internal combustion engine, whence, they happened to pass by and through the X area. It was delightful that time of year and a welcome respite from their usual tiresome surroundings. And, as fate or chance, or even perhaps the Muses had it, another fellow engaged in the very same hobby happened by. Of course, known to them, and combustion engine navigators the State over, twas C along with D. Both were fair fellows and known to A and B. As custom would insist they happened both to notice and acknowledge each other, hobbyists in the same pursuit as they were.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376358)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:09 AM
Author: Bossy stead



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008930)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:44 AM
Author: Concupiscible shitlib location

So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's the thing: they were in X area, and what's problematic is they passed by C—yes, THAT C. C had a passenger at the time, D. Here's why that's not okay.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: opaque vivacious mexican spot

400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the force of the acceleration pressing him against the sport bucket seats of his Turbo Allegra Mk. 2, their soft, well-sourced alcantara cosseting his tightly leather chapped legs, the micromechanical motors within instantaneously adjusting to each minor perturbation in the vehicle's three-axis orientation to keep him perfectly balanced, its SWIFT systems scanning kilometers ahead of them in real-time and predictively modulating the various electromagnetic and anti-kinetic shielding systems in order to protect their passage as they rocketed upward toward the gateway to area X--area X, the Sacred Seat of Cybernetic Heaven, its secrets whispering to the hovels of his birthplace below, beckoning brave boys with the Siren Song: "Come, Unlock Our Treasurehosue of Wonder or Die Trying"; "It's a goddamn marvel--" that was B, his copilot jockey, in the seat beside him--he'd always liked the tech stuff, engineered things were his jig and jive and the natural knack he'd expressed for them had been evident since his Fourth Year when he'd spontaneously programmed a molecular excavator during off time while the rest of the class was at the playground; he and B had been practicing for this for over three years, secretive sessions when the sensor rings slipped from alignment every third week on Sunday for maintena--"we have a fucking BOGEY at 3 o'clock HIGH!" B screamed, interrupting his meditation on the past--the systems of the Allegra were fast, but B was faster and he'd spotted the incoming a split second before the computerized indication of the same: "Warning, SWIFT has detected an intrusion in the third--" he cut off the computer; he knew what he needed to know: C was moving to intercept them in his Outrigger, accompanied by D; they'd planned for this eventuality, both the conflict itself and the psychology of facing your own brother and cousin 45 kilometers up in the air, each precise maneuver tiptoeing on the razor thin edge between life and death, a minute miscalculation capable of throwing you off the wrong side into a fiery midair death--there was something poignant about it, the notion that he could die up here in an instant and to his friends and family in the warrens of Bressville below, toiling through their daily tasks with no comprehension of the enormous aerial pageantry above them, his life could blot out with no greater signifier than a vanishing spot of light in the sky; he banished the thought of this and other things as he shouted in the cockpit "let's smoke these fuckers" and pushed down hard on the throttle, the frame of the Allegra bending, straining, complying with the command as they soared to meet the enemy head on, he and B laughing aloud at the thrill of it all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376393)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Concupiscible shitlib location

Wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376411)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: opaque vivacious mexican spot

I just copied this from a brief.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376419)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:15 AM
Author: Bistre Sweet Tailpipe Legend



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376574)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:54 AM
Author: demanding pale doctorate market

Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. Every time, I explain that "It's just lawyers--we get bored at work--yeah, I know, that's what makes it funny--"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376824)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:21 PM
Author: stimulating shaky principal's office haunted graveyard



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377415)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Laughsome zombie-like potus



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008886)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: cheese-eating offensive dingle berry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722509)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:51 AM
Author: Bateful Know-it-all Chad Sex Offender



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376432)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Cruel-hearted Alcoholic Whorehouse Cuckold

titcr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376504)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:10 AM
Author: stimulating shaky principal's office haunted graveyard

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376531)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:18 AM
Author: Diverse Indecent Boltzmann Brethren



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376589)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:23 AM
Author: Razzmatazz Institution Organic Girlfriend



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376641)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: Laughsome zombie-like potus

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376648)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Diverse Indecent Boltzmann Brethren

attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376708)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 1:13 PM
Author: Nubile persian foreskin

how

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377366)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:36 AM
Author: Flushed pontificating affirmative action church building



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722527)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:35 AM
Author: Crimson national



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376711)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:00 PM
Author: massive degenerate gas station



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376866)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: Vigorous Kink-friendly Cuckoldry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376872)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:27 PM
Author: Razzmatazz Institution Organic Girlfriend



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42378128)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 1st, 2021 9:20 PM
Author: massive degenerate gas station



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42558237)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Laughsome zombie-like potus



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008882)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:05 AM
Author: massive degenerate gas station

this is incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008910)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:39 PM
Author: Laughsome zombie-like potus



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44032706)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:31 PM
Author: citrine thriller school cafeteria goyim



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44453902)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:31 AM
Author: cheese-eating offensive dingle berry

wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722507)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:34 AM
Author: stimulating shaky principal's office haunted graveyard



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722517)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:44 AM
Author: Poppy azn



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722548)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: White coiffed factory reset button philosopher-king

High | level | legal work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376422)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: charismatic wild set cuck



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376672)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:55 AM
Author: Big-titted indian lodge therapy

Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car driven by C with D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376456)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: apoplectic old irish cottage

A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as a passenger, as they drove through the X area.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376505)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:07 AM
Author: Mahogany Tanning Salon Juggernaut

two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376517)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:13 AM
Author: Bat Shit Crazy Salmon Indirect Expression Mother

C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook and passed them. B overtook and passed them too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376555)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:19 AM
Author: Self-absorbed property party of the first part

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C, which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376600)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: chest-beating native tank

Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may have made the same suggestion, but I’d go with:

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car containing C (driver) and D (passenger).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376651)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:27 AM
Author: Razzmatazz Institution Organic Girlfriend

This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more concise.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376665)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Laughsome zombie-like potus



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376704)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: Crimson national



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376736)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:08 PM
Author: opaque vivacious mexican spot



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377648)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:01 AM
Author: Laughsome zombie-like potus



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008887)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Aphrodisiac judgmental stage crotch

writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I recently jumped from GOV to tech

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376695)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Crimson national

Did you try the hydro hack?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376699)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: irradiated rambunctious legal warrant

What’s that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376738)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:41 AM
Author: Crimson national

You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. This will, among other things, improve cognitive function and therefore improve your writing. While you're at it also check your posture I bet you're slouching right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376746)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:49 AM
Author: Diverse Indecent Boltzmann Brethren



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376800)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:17 PM
Author: hairraiser shimmering gay wizard

Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, subject verb object. Not hard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:16 PM
Author: hairraiser shimmering gay wizard

A and B saw C driving in X

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377381)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:28 PM
Author: Brass motley heaven black woman

andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed carl and dave in their car.

this doesn't define who is driving and who is riding though.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377449)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:38 PM
Author: olive meetinghouse karate

I am gay

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377484)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: Razzmatazz Institution Organic Girlfriend

great thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42378176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:39 PM
Author: amber lay

Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence.

A and B were driving in the X area. [query: are they both driving separate cars?] C driving D passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42378186)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 8:29 PM
Author: orange piazza

A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through area X, and with them were B and D, passengers; B was with A while D was with C; A and B passed by C and D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42379691)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:50 PM
Author: orange piazza



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42387061)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 23rd, 2021 3:44 PM
Author: orange piazza



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42509184)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:36 PM
Author: Crimson national

Where are we on this? Thank

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42386977)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:06 AM
Author: Bossy stead

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C in which D was a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008916)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:44 PM
Author: passionate magenta personal credit line marketing idea

OP, does this help?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44032743)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Cracking boiling water windowlicker

i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't matter. aren't state court judges borderline retarded?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722512)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:23 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#49827186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:42 PM
Author: UN peacekeeper

"and containing D as" -> "in which D was", otherwise fine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#49827205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 1:15 PM
Author: hmmm i think weather is fraudlies

Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not sure we’ve got it figured out just yet. Let’s put a pin in it and move on. OP: what’s the next sentence?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#49827228)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 2:57 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#49827363)