part 1

So i was out on lake woe-is-me, just trying to relax and maybe catch something for once, when all of a sudden, i feel this huge tug on the line. like, no joke, i thought i’d hooked a freakin’ whale or something.

i’m reeling this thing in, sweating like i’m in some kind of strongman competition, and what do i pull up? a dude. not a fish, not a log—an actual guy.

he’s soaked, looking like he just got flushed out of a toilet, and i’m standing there like, "uh… who are you?"

he coughs up some lake water and says, "name’s whokebe. yeah, i know, weird name. and no, i have no clue how i ended up here."

so now i’m thinking, great, i just pulled up a nutcase. before i can figure out what to do, i hear someone shouting from a boat nearby. it’s mr. jinx, the guy who looks like he hasn’t smiled since ’92, and he’s giving me the death stare.

turns out, whokebe here is jinx’s "big catch." jinx starts yelling about how whokebe is his and waving around a fishing net like a maniac. i’m just trying not to die laughing at the whole thing.

whokebe looks at me and goes, "yeah, he’s been chasing me for years. something about proving he’s not cursed, blah blah blah."

i’m like, "dude, i don’t want any part of this." next thing i know, whokebe does some olympic-level dive back into the lake and disappears.

jinx just stands there, looking like i ran over his dog, and then speeds off, probably to keep hunting for his precious whokebe.

and me? i cracked open a beer, leaned back, and figured this is gonna make one hell of a story. sometimes, it’s the weird stuff you don’t plan for that’s the most fun, right?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5594424&forum_id=2...id.#48086467)

so here i am again, couple weeks later, enjoying a quiet day on lake woe-is-me, when i spot something thrashing near the shore. now, this lake has a reputation, so i figure it's probably another weird encounter waiting to happen. sure enough, as i get closer, who do i see but whokebe, flailing around like he's being chased by a swarm of bees.

"hey FRIEND!" whokebe shouts as soon as he sees me, paddling his inflatable raft with the grace of a headless chicken. "you gotta help me. jinx is here again."

i pause, trying to stifle a laugh. "whok, what did you do this time?"

"it's not what i did—it's what he's doing!" whokebe's voice is all high-pitched and panicky. "i saw him! he was hiding behind those trees, but when i looked again, he was gone! and now his alts are everywhere!"

i glance around. there's a fisherman on the shore, minding his own business. "whok, that's just some guy fishing."

whokebe shakes his head, his eyes wide with fear. "that's exactly what jinx wants you to think! he's got hundreds of alts, they’re everywhere, and they're all jinx!"

i raise an eyebrow. "so, you're telling me that fisherman over there is jinx in disguise?"

"Exactly, you can never be too sure!" whokebe's still paddling in circles, convinced that jinx—or one of his alts—is lurking around every corner. "you think you're safe, but then BAM! jinx, right in your face! i'm telling you, son, they're sneaky!"

i can't help but smirk. "so, what's your plan? Keep paddling in circles until jinx gets dizzy?"

whokebe stops paddling for a moment, looking at me like i've just suggested he swim with sharks. "you think this is a joke? jinx has been after me for years!"

before i can respond, whokebe's eyes dart to the horizon, where a distant boat is just barely visible. his face goes pale. "oh no, that's gotta be a jinx alt! he's coming right for me!"

i squint at the boat. it's too far away to make out any details, but i know it's not jinx. "whok, that's literally just another guy on the lake. you're paranoid."

"you don't get it!" whokebe hisses, his paranoia hitting new heights. "that's what jinx wants you to think! they all look normal until it's too late! then, i gotta get out of here"

"where are you gonna go, whok?" i ask, genuinely curious what his escape plan is this time.

"anywhere but here!" and with that, whokebe starts paddling away with all the urgency of a man fleeing a burning building.

"good luck with that," i call after him, shaking my head as he paddles into the distance, still ranting about jinx and his army of alts.

as i watch whokebe disappear from sight, convinced that every boat, every shadow, and even the damn clouds are part of jinx's elaborate conspiracy, i can't help but crack a smile. lake woe-is-me never fails to deliver when it comes to pure, unfiltered madness.

and honestly? i wouldn't change a thing.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5594424&forum_id=2...id.#48088062)

it had been a few weeks since i last visited lake woe-is-me, and as i walked toward the shore, i wasn't expecting anything unusual. but, of course, there was whokebe, sitting there with a bandage on his head, looking like someone who'd taken a wrong turn at a first-aid class and ended up in an action movie.

"hey buddy!" he yells, smiling like nothing's ever gone wrong in his life. "you'll never guess what's new."

i already know whatever he's about to say is going to be odd, but i play along. "whok, what happened to your head?"

he waves it off like it's no big deal. "oh, this? just a little accident during one of my medical consultations. you know, doctor stuff."

i have to laugh. "doctor, huh? didn't realize you were one"

"oh yeah," he says, nodding with a straight face like this is completely normal. "spent some time in australia. i'm an oncologist out there. real remote. basically, it's just me, a kangaroo, and a scalpel."

"australia, huh? must be a tough gig."

"oh yeah, but you know, it's what i do. saving lives in the outback. don't want to bore you with the details." he says this like he's on a mission from god, but got stuck in the wrong zip code.

"i'm sure," i reply, stifling a grin. "i'll give you a call next time i need a check-up."

"you should! you won't find a better doctor anywhere."

"oh, and guess what? i got married recently."

i raise an eyebrow. "married, huh? when did that happen? what's his name?"

whokebe chuckles, completely missing the sarcasm. "it's a she, genius. she's welsh and hungarian. stunning, exotic, you know? we're having a baby in december. doctors say it's going to be the most perfect baby ever. no surprise there."

"welsh and hungarian? quite the combination," i say, skeptical

"oh yeah. her accent's crazy—sometimes welsh, sometimes hungarian, sometimes both at the same time. keeps things exciting." he says

i can't help but smirk. "so what's the baby's name going to be?"

whokebe pauses, like he's about to drop some ancient wisdom. "we're thinking of something strong... like jamala. jinx mentioned it once, thought it had a nice ring to it. figured why not?" he says this like it's the most normal thing in the world, completely oblivious to how weird that sounds.

the mention of jinx takes me back to the first time i dragged him out of the lake. "speaking of names, what's up with jinx? i never understood why he was so desperate to catch you that day."

whokebe's face darkens for the first time. "well, it wasn't just about fishing with jinx. it's... complicated."

"how complicated?" i ask, leaning in, fully expecting this to be another one of his delusions.

he shifts uncomfortably, avoiding my eyes. "look, jinx wasn't just trying to catch me for sport. it was... more personal."

i raise an eyebrow, unsure where this is going. "personal how?"

whokebe stammers, his confidence wavering. "look, jinx has his... issues, okay? i don't want to get into it."

deciding not to push further, i change the subject. "so he's still after you?"

whokebe's face brightens instantly, glad to switch gears. "oh yeah. jinx is everywhere. he gets inside your head, lives there rent-free. i've missed out on so much—bitcoin, real estate, women, you name it. all because of him."

i stare at him for a second, trying to keep a straight face. "uh-huh."

"but i'm still doing good, you know. saving lives and all that."

i snort. "sounds like you've got a lot going on."

"you don't even know," whok says, shaking his head with a dramatic sigh like he's been personally wronged by the universe. but then, just like that, he flips the switch again, grinning like a child. "but hey, life's great! i've got my career, my wife, my perfect baby on the way. and us—look at us! we're friends now, right?"

i grin, half-amused and half-curious how he even manages to function. "yeah, whok. we're friends"

"exactly! this is gonna be our year, i'm telling you," whokebe says, practically bouncing as he stands up. he waves as he walks off, still babbling about how perfect his life is going to be.

as i watch him disappear, i can't help but grin. whokebe might be living in his own bizarre reality, but somehow, he makes mine a little more bearable.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5594424&forum_id=2...id.#48103215)

What are the readers interested in?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5594424&forum_id=2...id.#48109843)