BERTOLINO LLP - Austin, TX

$80,000 a year

This will probably be the longest, most honest, blunt and detailed employment Ad you will ever read on Indeed or anywhere else. We purposely did this so that you don't waste your valuable time coming in for an interview for a job that you know, deep down, you are not up to performing.

We want to lay it out up front to you of what type of Senior Associate Attorney we are looking for and what we expect from you.

If you are up for a challenging Senior Associate Attorney position that is as demanding as it is rewarding, please continue reading the rest of this Indeed posting. And if you are up to the challenge, we look forward to seeing your resume and cover letter. Further, to those of you who read this entire Indeed posting and apply for the position, we sincerely thank you in advance and look forward to meeting you in person.

We are a small law firm principally located in downtown Austin, Texas with additional offices located in Houston and San Antonio, which are set up by Appointment Only. We are currently looking for a hardworking, detail-oriented Senior Associate Attorney to work in our downtown Austin office to assist us with our Professional Licensing Defense Law practice (i.e., Administrative Law). We also have a need for assistance with our family law/probate practice area, which we are eventually phasing out later in 2016.

Preferably you will have at least eight (8) years experience in practicing Texas law and speak both English and Spanish, but if you don't, that is ok. You will also have some experience with managing and overseeing Junior associate attorneys, law clerks and other support staff.

You must be a positive person and a team player. If you see the glass as being half full, you are definitely the type of person we are looking for. Our law firm is a "family" and we do not do well with toxic or negative attitudes, whiners, complainers or victims, You definitely will not fit in if you even think that you may fit into one of the above categories of negative people.

At a minimum, you must be competent and proficient in the use of Westlaw, Lexis-Nexis, MS Word, and MS Outlook. If you are familiar with other legal software then that is a huge plus. We prefer Associate Attorneys who are not afraid of learning new things that will make their jobs easier.

If you are the type of Attorney who lose stuff, are not organized, and get easily distracted, please don't submit your resume and cover letter. You must be able to multi-task and handle a good amount of client case files. You must be able to think on your feet and make smart decisions. If you can't multi-task or think on your feet, please do not submit your resume and cover letter, as you will be wasting your time as well as ours.

We are slow to hire but quick to fire! If you do your job in a competent and positive manner, there is absolutely nothing to be concerned about. You must have a thick skin, which means you cannot be an Attorney who does not take criticism well or cannot deal well with people. To be perfectly honest, we expect you to give us 100% when you are at work. You owe it to yourself and to us to do the very best job that you can.

If you don't put forth the effort needed to do your job right the first time, we will let you know about it in a constructive manner. If your effort level does not change after it is brought to your attention in a reasonable amount of time, you will no longer be working for our law firm.

Additionally, some of our clients can be a royal pain in the ass, but we can't change them, so we have to deal with them as best we can. If you do not think that you are up to the challenge of dealing with difficult clients, this is not the job for you.

You also need to be detail-oriented and willing to go the extra mile to get the job done right the first time. In our law practice, getting it done right the first time for our clients is very important and we need our entire team to work with this important goal in mind. If this seems too much to ask of you, please don't apply for this job.

If you are lazy, don't show up to work on time, take a ton of coffee, cigarette, or other breaks during the work day, this job is not for you. If you love to surf the internet, IM, chat or text on the phone during business hours, this is not the job for you.

If you are one of those people who constantly gets sick on Thursday nights or Sunday nights and cannot come to work on Friday or Monday because you are sick, this really is not the job for you. Don't get us wrong we understand that everyone gets sick, but we also know there are a people out there who get sick when it is convenient for them, like when they want a long weekend. If this is you, please do not apply for this position, because if we hired you it would not be fair to the rest of our legal team and your employment with us would end very, very quickly.

You must be a team player. You will be working with other members of our attorneys and staff and both you and our other staff members are accountable to each other. If you can't get along with one another and work together to get the job done right the first time, this is not the job for you.

We are strong believers in the team approach and our office is a team environment, so if you are not a team player, this is not the job for you. If you think you can fake being a team player, you can't so don't try, this is not the job for you.

You need to be able to talk to people in a manner that is polite, educated, and puts them at ease. You cannot talk down to anyone that you deal with in our office. You should not be a person who gets angry quickly or blows their stack if someone says something you don't like. You need to have compassion when dealing with our clients. You need to be able to deal with the worst mannered people with respect at all times. When you are dealing with the royal pains that occasionally call or come to our office, they should never know that they are getting under your skin. When you are done dealing with them, you are more then welcome to come into my office and vent about them to me personally.

At times, you will also need to know how to figure things out on your own and be able to creatively problem solve and come up with workable solutions.

At this point, some of you may be thinking that this law firm will be the worst place to work in Austin. If you are, this is not the job for you. If, on the other hand, you realize that the work environment we have created will help you get your job done efficiently and, over time, allow you to earn more money than you can anywhere else and also have a happy quality of life outside of work, then you are the type of candidate we would like to meet with to discuss the opportunity we are offering.

If you are hired, you will be part of a wonderful team of people, who work hard to get the job done right the first time and take pride in the work that they do. You will be part of a team and family that is rewarded for their hard work.

With regard to compensation, it is competitive. It is also subject to periodic review and raises are based on job performance. We pay the members of our law firm on a bi-weekly basis. If we succeed, you will too!

Is this going to be an easy job? No. It might be the biggest challenge of your life. But, it is our belief that anything really great is worth working hard for and that our greatest growth comes from our biggest challenges. You will be challenged as a Senior Associate Attorney at our law firm, but you will have fun and you will enjoy helping our clients.

Honestly, if you have gotten this far, then you are truly an exceptional person. Most people will have stopped reading this Ad a long time ago.

If you have gotten this far and are thinking about submitting your resume and cover letter, it means that you are a hard worker, ready for a challenge and want to be part of a team where your hard work and efforts are recognized, appreciated and rewarded.

HOW TO APPLY: To apply for the Senior Associate Attorney position at our law firm, please use the reply option through Indeed. In the first sentence of your cover letter, make sure you state the following: "I am your next America's Top Senior Associate Attorney."

In that same cover letter that will accompany your resume, let us know, in about 1 to 2 paragraphs, what you think it takes to be a Senior Associate Attorney at our law firm. Please also explain what you are looking for in a job and why you think you would be a good fit.

In the last paragraph of your cover letter, tell us what you liked about our Ad and what you did not like about our Ad. You can be perfectly honest. We will not hold it against you.

Thank you for taking the time to read this entire Ad. If you decide to submit your resume and cover letter, we sincerely look forward to meeting you.

Thank you for your interest in our Firm.

-Managing Partner

Job Type: Full-time

Salary: $80,000.00 /year

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3283879&forum_id=2...id.#30916574)

http://www.belolaw.com/our-attorneys/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3283879&forum_id=2...id.#30916684)

probably why they made that ad - they probably get overwhelmed with bottom of the barrel applicants

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3283879&forum_id=2...id.#30977732)

Like for HVAC installers?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3283879&forum_id=2...id.#35826194)

My name is Rohit and I am recruiter at eTeam Inc. eTeam Inc is a global contingency staffing firm servicing fortune 1000 clients globally.We have an excellent job opportunity with one of our client.

Job Title: Attorney

Location: Austin, TX

Duration: 15 DAYS

Rate- $22.00 per hour

Client- Deloitte

If you are qualified, available, interested, planning to make a change, or know of a friend who might have the required qualifications and interest, please call me ASAP at (732) 248-1900 even if we have spoken recently about a different position. If you do respond via e-mail please include a daytime phone number so I can reach you.

Also, please take a few minutes to answer some of the questions below as they will help me qualify your candidature

Full Legal Name as in Driving License/ Passport:

Preferred email ID:

Day/ Evening phone numbers:

Current Location:

Work Authorization:

Earliest availability for Phone/ On-Site interview:

Hourly Rate:

Earliest possible start date:

Two Professional References:

Also, be aware that our client conducts an extensive background checks on candidates who are extended offers of employment.

Sincerely yours,

Rohit Verma

eTeam Inc

rverma@eteaminc.com

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3283879&forum_id=2...id.#30916639)

Seriously a pompous AF doctor facing complaints and potentially losing his license is probably as bad as family law.

Think of how Plastic Surgeon GoldStein or Dr. Chang act when confronted with a mistake.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3283879&forum_id=2...id.#30916750)

LJL.

http://nypost.com/2015/09/20/average-nyc-school-janitor-makes-109k-a-year/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3283879&forum_id=2...id.#30916723)

If I just got a job, learned to be a street sweeper

Or dance to the beat, shuffle my feet

Wear a shirt and tie and run with the creeps

Cause it's all about money, ain't a damn thing funny

You got to have a con in this land of milk and honey

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3283879&forum_id=2...id.#30977748)

I bet this assclown goes through at least 10 associates a year.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3283879&forum_id=2...id.#30977586)

but they refuse to believe me.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3283879&forum_id=2...id.#35826158)

80k in 2016 is 110k today?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3283879&forum_id=2...id.#48539972)