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“Legally, my service dog is allowed to steal your snacks.”
| Mainlining The Secret Truths of My Mahchine | 11/09/24 |
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Date: November 9th, 2024 10:50 AM Author: Mainlining The Secret Truths of My Mahchine (G. Hoy’s Floor 24 ‘Truth’—No Great Becumming, Only Gravity :() Washington’s service animal laws are robust, which is how Jerry—our two-month wonder—gets away with bringing his untrained “service dog,” Patches, to work. The mutt barks, sheds, and has turned the breakroom into his personal bathroom.
Today, Patches jumped onto the snack table and devoured someone’s turkey sandwich while Jerry scrolled TikTok. When I confronted him, he smirked and said, “Legally, you can’t question a service animal, friend.”
Went to HR, where Tabitha, mid-Chick-fil-A binge, barely looked up. “Accommodate, you faggot. And stop coming to me with this trivial shit.”
Spent my entire lunch guarding my sad PB&J like a cornered raccoon, while Patches stared, drooling, from across the room.
Clocked out late, reeking of dog hair and regret, whispered, “Yes, friend. This is fine.” |