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Good writers: Fix this clunky sentence I can't seem to fix

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Floppy ocher field digit ratio
  04/30/21
"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenge...
sick sienna jewess
  04/30/21
they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a ...
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  04/30/21
Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, jus...
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  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
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  05/02/21
Quick fixxx
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  02/25/22
“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a ...
Mustard wonderful famous landscape painting chapel
  04/30/21
...
slap-happy bistre university party of the first part
  04/30/21
i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts e...
Floppy ocher field digit ratio
  04/30/21
Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main pe...
Mustard wonderful famous landscape painting chapel
  04/30/21
C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "...
Floppy ocher field digit ratio
  04/30/21
"at this time" ROFL
sick sienna jewess
  04/30/21
Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually d...
rambunctious sapphire toilet seat personal credit line
  04/30/21
Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/...
Mustard wonderful famous landscape painting chapel
  04/30/21
You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be impo...
rambunctious sapphire toilet seat personal credit line
  04/30/21
While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C w...
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  04/30/21
...
Electric Avocado Corner Crotch
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passe...
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This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just g...
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...
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...
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Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like...
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As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, an...
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FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshi...
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i think you nailed it.
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  04/30/21
...
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  04/30/21
i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being perform...
slap-happy bistre university party of the first part
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...
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A and B passed D and C, who was driving.
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...
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sounds like a riddle
sick sienna jewess
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i hate this crap As A and B were driving in the X area, t...
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i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly o...
Floppy ocher field digit ratio
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who...
aggressive vibrant mad-dog skullcap gaming laptop
  04/30/21
doesn't it need "D's car"
Floppy ocher field digit ratio
  04/30/21
it says he was driving, which means an automobile. if y...
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  04/30/21
Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was ...
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  04/30/21
you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interest...
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Were A and B both at the wheel?
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turns out it was a tandem bicycle.
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...
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As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted...
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The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the ot...
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  04/30/21
star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain
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still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of i...
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...
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Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going thr...
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...
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A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged...
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So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's th...
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400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the for...
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I just copied this from a brief.
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Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car...
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A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as ...
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two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his ca...
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  04/30/21
C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook a...
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  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Fighting trailer park
  04/30/21
Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may h...
harsh space
  04/30/21
This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more...
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Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, ...
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  04/30/21
A and B saw C driving in X
dun abode
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andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed ...
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Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence. A and...
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A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through ar...
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As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
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  02/22/22
OP, does this help?
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"and containing D as" -> "in which D was&q...
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Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not...
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...
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Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:48 AM
Author: Floppy ocher field digit ratio

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376133)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:57 AM
Author: sick sienna jewess

"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenger, by both A and B."

(no one gives a fuck whether A and B were driving or doing a standing 69 at the time they saw these faggots)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376836)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: rambunctious sapphire toilet seat personal credit line

they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a role potentially. Better to keep it clean.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376873)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:10 PM
Author: Flickering cumskin cruise ship

Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, just that they passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42377665)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:40 PM
Author: Coral pocket flask round eye

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42386999)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:42 PM
Author: Dull deer antler death wish
Subject: Quick fixxx

As A and B were driving in X, they passed a car driven by C containing D as a passenger.

EDIT: LMAO at the date

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44032731)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:52 AM
Author: Mustard wonderful famous landscape painting chapel

“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C. D was a passenger in C’s car at the time.”

Would break up the sentences. Your original sentence isn’t terrible though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376145)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:53 AM
Author: slap-happy bistre university party of the first part



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376148)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Floppy ocher field digit ratio

i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts emphasis on "D was a passenger in C’s car at this time" -- which is a minor detail.

it doesn't really matter whether C or D is the driver.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376159)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:56 AM
Author: Mustard wonderful famous landscape painting chapel

Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main person.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376166)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: Floppy ocher field digit ratio

C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "C's car" for clarity

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376201)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:51 AM
Author: sick sienna jewess

"at this time"

ROFL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376807)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:54 AM
Author: rambunctious sapphire toilet seat personal credit line

Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually driving. Or were they in two separate cars, both of which passed C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376155)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Mustard wonderful famous landscape painting chapel

Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/c I didn’t know what the surrounding sentences are like.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376160)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:04 AM
Author: rambunctious sapphire toilet seat personal credit line

You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be important to be clear who was driving in the passing car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376205)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: odious nofapping indirect expression forum

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C was driving with a passenger, D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376157)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:57 AM
Author: Electric Avocado Corner Crotch



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376168)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:58 AM
Author: Aqua alpha

As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376174)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Exciting psychic indian lodge

This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just generally to give you the right idea on how to handle this sort of thing, please develop as part of an exercise in your own development as a lawyer. Really need to break this into clauses that explain everything.

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

WHEREAS A, B, C, and D are human persons domiciled in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS X is a certain area in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS A, B, and C are legally authorized to operate motor vehicles ("cars" and each individual such vehicle a "car")

WHEREAS on that certain date, A, B, and C were operating cars.

WHEREAS on that certain date, D was a passenger in the car operated by C.

Now, therefore be it resolved, on that certain date, the aforementioned cars traversed on intersecting paths in Area X.

[I assume by "passed" you mean "passed" as in "they passed by each other while headed in different directions," revise if you mean they were going the same way and A/B's cars passed/overtook C's car.]

Please handle and recirculate, thanks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: Floppy ocher field digit ratio



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376203)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: Sepia base



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376392)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:08 AM
Author: Razzle cream hall



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376526)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:25 AM
Author: Stirring milk bawdyhouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376657)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:40 PM
Author: flatulent orchestra pit

Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44453959)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Talented gay circlehead center

As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, and although none of them said a word, they understood each other perfectly. It was X area after all. Are there any Xs around, they wondered? They passed a beaten-up vehicle with ridiculous oversized chromed wheels with C as a driver and D as a passenger. X's! - thought A and B. C and D did not think anything. They were high.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376178)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:36 AM
Author: twinkling marvelous plaza



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376332)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Tantric Blue Native Sneaky Criminal



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376340)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Soul-stirring ungodly doctorate

FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshit car alone(some other NIFmGGA was drivomg alone in another car) they passed ALPHA TURD C , who has MANY DRINKING BUDDIES, SO NATURALLY HAD A PASSENGER (most likely an AZNgirl getting wet for MAMMOTH TURDCOCK)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376183)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: Fuchsia Irradiated Boltzmann Fat Ankles



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376187)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Exciting psychic indian lodge



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376195)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Brass excitant theater stage roast beef



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376249)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: histrionic pink people who are hurt fanboi



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376406)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:36 AM
Author: splenetic sinister clown hospital



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376713)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:37 AM
Author: Sepia base



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376724)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:32 PM
Author: Razzmatazz place of business



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42377057)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2021 12:19 AM
Author: Fuchsia Irradiated Boltzmann Fat Ankles



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42380818)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Fuchsia Irradiated Boltzmann Fat Ankles

As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX area, C drove by with D cumming in his ass.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376184)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: slap-happy bistre university party of the first part

i think you nailed it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376191)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: Chestnut violent mental disorder dilemma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42378174)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: slap-happy bistre university party of the first part

i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being performed right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376189)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: Lime Home Hissy Fit



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376669)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Fragrant Startling Antidepressant Drug

A and B passed D and C, who was driving.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376194)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: high-end cuckold chad



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376341)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:52 AM
Author: sick sienna jewess

sounds like a riddle

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376816)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: aggressive vibrant mad-dog skullcap gaming laptop

i hate this crap

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D driving with C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376197)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: Floppy ocher field digit ratio

i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly off

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376206)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: aggressive vibrant mad-dog skullcap gaming laptop

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who was driving with C).

This is it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376211)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:07 AM
Author: Floppy ocher field digit ratio

doesn't it need "D's car"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376216)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:42 AM
Author: aggressive vibrant mad-dog skullcap gaming laptop

it says he was driving, which means an automobile.

if you think specifying what kind of automobile is a key detail then can add that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376370)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: rambunctious sapphire toilet seat personal credit line

Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was driving. Ever. If he wasnt.

As A was driving, they passed ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376208)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: hyperactive infuriating tattoo theatre

you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interested.

"Where did this take place? In X. And what happened in X? A and B were together in a car. And what did that car do? Why it passed by another car, a car driven by C. And was C alone in that second car? No, no C was not. C was with D. That's right. A and B passed C and D. It's all true."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376212)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:08 AM
Author: purple glittery wrinkle

Were A and B both at the wheel?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376217)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:13 AM
Author: slap-happy bistre university party of the first part

turns out it was a tandem bicycle.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376233)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:20 AM
Author: high-end cuckold chad



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376607)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Brass excitant theater stage roast beef

As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted area, they passed a car driven by a nigger and containing some other faggot as a passenger. Regards, I hope this helps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376246)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:26 AM
Author: Shaky immigrant parlor

The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the other, C was driving D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376290)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:29 AM
Author: Fragrant Startling Antidepressant Drug

star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376306)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:31 AM
Author: Shaky immigrant parlor

still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of items to hit: location, two cars, who was each driver and who was each passenger, that they passed.

This does it and leaves no uncertainty at all

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376317)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:34 AM
Author: Mustard wonderful famous landscape painting chapel



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376330)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:35 AM
Author: Tantric Blue Native Sneaky Criminal

Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going through section X. *makes large "X" using forearms* And boom! Right there, they pass car C. *makes "C" using hand* A car which, at the time, was containing D *unzips pants* as a passenger. *pulls cock out of fly* Any questions?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376331)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: twinkling marvelous plaza



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376336)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:40 AM
Author: insane navy lay

A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged in that most fanciful of modern hobbies, navigation of modern paved roads in a device propelled by an internal combustion engine, whence, they happened to pass by and through the X area. It was delightful that time of year and a welcome respite from their usual tiresome surroundings. And, as fate or chance, or even perhaps the Muses had it, another fellow engaged in the very same hobby happened by. Of course, known to them, and combustion engine navigators the State over, twas C along with D. Both were fair fellows and known to A and B. As custom would insist they happened both to notice and acknowledge each other, hobbyists in the same pursuit as they were.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376358)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:09 AM
Author: Transparent Hot Legal Warrant



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44008930)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:44 AM
Author: Smoky medicated school cafeteria bbw

So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's the thing: they were in X area, and what's problematic is they passed by C—yes, THAT C. C had a passenger at the time, D. Here's why that's not okay.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: Racy Magical Tanning Salon

400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the force of the acceleration pressing him against the sport bucket seats of his Turbo Allegra Mk. 2, their soft, well-sourced alcantara cosseting his tightly leather chapped legs, the micromechanical motors within instantaneously adjusting to each minor perturbation in the vehicle's three-axis orientation to keep him perfectly balanced, its SWIFT systems scanning kilometers ahead of them in real-time and predictively modulating the various electromagnetic and anti-kinetic shielding systems in order to protect their passage as they rocketed upward toward the gateway to area X--area X, the Sacred Seat of Cybernetic Heaven, its secrets whispering to the hovels of his birthplace below, beckoning brave boys with the Siren Song: "Come, Unlock Our Treasurehosue of Wonder or Die Trying"; "It's a goddamn marvel--" that was B, his copilot jockey, in the seat beside him--he'd always liked the tech stuff, engineered things were his jig and jive and the natural knack he'd expressed for them had been evident since his Fourth Year when he'd spontaneously programmed a molecular excavator during off time while the rest of the class was at the playground; he and B had been practicing for this for over three years, secretive sessions when the sensor rings slipped from alignment every third week on Sunday for maintena--"we have a fucking BOGEY at 3 o'clock HIGH!" B screamed, interrupting his meditation on the past--the systems of the Allegra were fast, but B was faster and he'd spotted the incoming a split second before the computerized indication of the same: "Warning, SWIFT has detected an intrusion in the third--" he cut off the computer; he knew what he needed to know: C was moving to intercept them in his Outrigger, accompanied by D; they'd planned for this eventuality, both the conflict itself and the psychology of facing your own brother and cousin 45 kilometers up in the air, each precise maneuver tiptoeing on the razor thin edge between life and death, a minute miscalculation capable of throwing you off the wrong side into a fiery midair death--there was something poignant about it, the notion that he could die up here in an instant and to his friends and family in the warrens of Bressville below, toiling through their daily tasks with no comprehension of the enormous aerial pageantry above them, his life could blot out with no greater signifier than a vanishing spot of light in the sky; he banished the thought of this and other things as he shouted in the cockpit "let's smoke these fuckers" and pushed down hard on the throttle, the frame of the Allegra bending, straining, complying with the command as they soared to meet the enemy head on, he and B laughing aloud at the thrill of it all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376393)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Smoky medicated school cafeteria bbw

Wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376411)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: Racy Magical Tanning Salon

I just copied this from a brief.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376419)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:15 AM
Author: histrionic pink people who are hurt fanboi



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376574)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:54 AM
Author: rambunctious sapphire toilet seat personal credit line

Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. Every time, I explain that "It's just lawyers--we get bored at work--yeah, I know, that's what makes it funny--"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376824)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:21 PM
Author: useless tank



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42377415)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: apoplectic double fault



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44008886)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Impertinent Crackhouse Jap



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44722509)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:51 AM
Author: Electric Avocado Corner Crotch



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376432)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: high-end cuckold chad

titcr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376504)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:10 AM
Author: useless tank

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376531)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:18 AM
Author: Sepia base



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376589)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:23 AM
Author: Chestnut violent mental disorder dilemma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376641)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: apoplectic double fault

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376648)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Sepia base

attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376708)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 1:13 PM
Author: Fragrant Startling Antidepressant Drug

how

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42377366)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:36 AM
Author: Razzmatazz place of business



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44722527)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:35 AM
Author: Exciting psychic indian lodge



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376711)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:00 PM
Author: Drunken emerald gas station codepig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376866)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: vivacious keepsake machete background story



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376872)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:27 PM
Author: Chestnut violent mental disorder dilemma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42378128)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 1st, 2021 9:20 PM
Author: Drunken emerald gas station codepig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42558237)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: apoplectic double fault



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44008882)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:05 AM
Author: Drunken emerald gas station codepig

this is incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44008910)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:39 PM
Author: apoplectic double fault



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44032706)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:31 PM
Author: multi-colored incel



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44453902)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:31 AM
Author: Impertinent Crackhouse Jap

wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44722507)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:34 AM
Author: useless tank



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44722517)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:44 AM
Author: beady-eyed french set therapy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44722548)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: diverse school partner

High | level | legal work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376422)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: Lime Home Hissy Fit



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376672)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:55 AM
Author: impressive big-titted brethren

Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car driven by C with D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376456)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: know-it-all concupiscible temple

A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as a passenger, as they drove through the X area.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376505)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:07 AM
Author: Bipolar giraffe

two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376517)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:13 AM
Author: Contagious principal's office

C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook and passed them. B overtook and passed them too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376555)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:19 AM
Author: Fighting trailer park

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C, which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376600)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: harsh space

Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may have made the same suggestion, but I’d go with:

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car containing C (driver) and D (passenger).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376651)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:27 AM
Author: Chestnut violent mental disorder dilemma

This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more concise.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376665)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: apoplectic double fault



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376704)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: Exciting psychic indian lodge



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376736)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:08 PM
Author: Racy Magical Tanning Salon



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42377648)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:01 AM
Author: apoplectic double fault



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44008887)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: silver locus juggernaut

writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I recently jumped from GOV to tech

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376695)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Exciting psychic indian lodge

Did you try the hydro hack?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376699)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: Flesh Sanctuary Marketing Idea

What’s that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376738)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:41 AM
Author: Exciting psychic indian lodge

You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. This will, among other things, improve cognitive function and therefore improve your writing. While you're at it also check your posture I bet you're slouching right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376746)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:49 AM
Author: Sepia base



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42376800)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:17 PM
Author: dun abode

Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, subject verb object. Not hard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42377389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:16 PM
Author: dun abode

A and B saw C driving in X

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42377381)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:28 PM
Author: Mauve Stag Film

andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed carl and dave in their car.

this doesn't define who is driving and who is riding though.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42377449)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:38 PM
Author: Crawly arousing institution

I am gay

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42377484)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: Chestnut violent mental disorder dilemma

great thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42378176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:39 PM
Author: indigo bearded garrison newt

Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence.

A and B were driving in the X area. [query: are they both driving separate cars?] C driving D passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42378186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 8:29 PM
Author: hyperactive infuriating tattoo theatre

A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through area X, and with them were B and D, passengers; B was with A while D was with C; A and B passed by C and D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42379691)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:50 PM
Author: hyperactive infuriating tattoo theatre



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42387061)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 23rd, 2021 3:44 PM
Author: hyperactive infuriating tattoo theatre



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42509184)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:36 PM
Author: Exciting psychic indian lodge

Where are we on this? Thank

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#42386977)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:06 AM
Author: Transparent Hot Legal Warrant

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C in which D was a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44008916)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:44 PM
Author: sick sienna jewess

OP, does this help?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44032743)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Heady jade pervert range

i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't matter. aren't state court judges borderline retarded?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#44722512)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:23 PM
Author: Electric Avocado Corner Crotch



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#49827186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:42 PM
Author: Transparent Hot Legal Warrant

"and containing D as" -> "in which D was", otherwise fine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#49827205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 1:15 PM
Author: high-end cuckold chad

Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not sure we’ve got it figured out just yet. Let’s put a pin in it and move on. OP: what’s the next sentence?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#49827228)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 2:57 PM
Author: Electric Avocado Corner Crotch



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2Reputation#49827363)