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ITT I post 180 shitlaw/doc review stories by Skadden Farts

You'd be really surprised (stunned really) if you spent a fe...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  03/23/12
is this the poster known as areyouinsane on TLS?
irradiated tanning salon therapy
  04/17/13
Yea
Sickened vibrant potus location
  05/25/16
That guy was 180
Sickened vibrant potus location
  04/30/20
...
Fluffy seedy useless brakes
  04/02/15
The dude was a 100% legit Yale grad. He was no kid- this guy...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  03/23/12
...
zombie-like electric furnace
  03/23/12
I will have to say that, in many cases, the doc reviewers do...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  03/23/12
The only good thing about this is that we got to meet Rachel...
hairraiser filthpig box office
  03/23/12
like
Lemon domesticated multi-billionaire
  06/25/12
"they have a grill section and you can get a small delm...
razzmatazz faggotry
  06/25/12
Nah, the worst thing about the legal industry is how mind-nu...
zombie-like electric furnace
  03/23/12
(in response to question about why he has not ditched the ...
zombie-like electric furnace
  03/23/12
what a time to be alive
dashing wine pozpig corner
  11/22/16
Another funny thing about doc review is that you can get &qu...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  03/23/12
Unmitigated 180s every sentence.
Crystalline Stage Kitty
  07/03/13
...
up-to-no-good cracking tank codepig
  04/24/15
...
Purple nowag
  02/17/16
Perhaps the funniest bro to ever post on this site. The b...
tan adventurous set
  12/02/16
I forgot to mention that on "office days" (when yo...
zombie-like electric furnace
  03/23/12
Holy shit 180
alcoholic parlour
  06/27/12
180!
impressive buff karate mad cow disease
  01/19/15
The ruler story is never not funny .
impressive buff karate mad cow disease
  05/25/16
lollll
razzle coffee pot clown
  11/30/16
180 billion Is this poast the genesis of the "shitla...
Blue passionate brunch
  05/30/22
...
Comical drab blood rage fortuitous meteor
  06/18/22
Like hurricanes, scientists are studying the “life cycle” of...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  03/23/12
"But there’s no taming this beast. As the toner bleeds ...
slate principal's office
  04/30/12
...
heady spot puppy
  06/26/12
...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  10/07/14
...
greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman
  10/07/14
...
obsidian misanthropic french chef
  11/30/16
...
Orchid library
  10/05/17
...
curious brindle main people institution
  02/25/18
...
Mind-boggling theatre mediation
  04/30/20
...
smoky international law enforcement agency
  10/06/20
...
Khaki School Mad-dog Skullcap
  12/28/13
Oh, I almost left out the best story of all. So on the big p...
zombie-like electric furnace
  03/23/12
“yeah, I like those apples”
Mind-boggling theatre mediation
  04/30/20
Another funny thing about personal injury firms is that they...
zombie-like electric furnace
  03/23/12
Recycling exhibit tabs from opposition motions is hardly uni...
ebony trip church
  06/25/12
"You see, it's very hard to keep tabs on injury clients...
razzmatazz faggotry
  06/25/12
It actually is hard as fuck to get poors to sign a closing s...
ebony trip church
  07/02/13
Yes.
vigorous bright meetinghouse alpha
  10/20/18
Another shitlaw legend was the infamous Gary Tsirelmen, king...
zombie-like electric furnace
  03/23/12
There was a JHO at Kings Civil who really was a stroke victi...
ebony trip church
  07/02/13
Understand that when I was applying to law school 10 years a...
zombie-like electric furnace
  03/23/12
Remember in the "glory days" of doc review how man...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  03/23/12
...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  03/23/12
...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  03/28/12
...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  03/31/12
...
Swollen cream community account reading party
  03/31/12
...
curious brindle main people institution
  04/29/12
Was Skadden Farts=Partner Emeritus ever confirmed?
Bateful disrespectful home queen of the night
  04/29/12
Didn't he have another rant that was circulating for awhile?...
Bateful disrespectful home queen of the night
  04/30/12
In a couple short weeks, a new wave of hapless lemmings will...
Bateful disrespectful home queen of the night
  05/24/12
this is amazingly well-written.
pearl multi-colored ladyboy
  05/24/12
This is JDU genius
Diverse Honey-headed Azn
  06/26/12
...
razzmatazz faggotry
  06/26/12
"Paul Weiss also blocked the fire exits with box upon b...
Odious unholy trailer park prole
  04/17/13
...
curious brindle main people institution
  05/24/12
For those unfamiliar with no-fault practice, a brief primer:...
Bateful disrespectful home queen of the night
  05/24/12
Since 2008 NF/PIP work has gone away too. Changes in the cas...
ebony trip church
  06/25/12
You see, Sullivan used to kick the coders $15 a day for food...
Swollen cream community account reading party
  05/24/12
Going "solo, eh? Have your checked your local Yellow Pa...
curious brindle main people institution
  06/25/12
Legendary thread None of the faggots here can compare to ...
deranged fat ankles university
  06/25/12
...
greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman
  10/07/14
most of these are repeats but i didnt remember this one: ...
tripping judgmental hospital becky
  06/25/12
180. this needs to be featured as a series in RS or somethin...
underhanded menage
  06/25/12
holy shit reading this made me want to die
ocher newt feces
  06/25/12
...
ocher newt feces
  06/25/12
he's the poet of the festering toilet
curious brindle main people institution
  06/25/12
is this real life for doc review
ocher newt feces
  06/25/12
I wouldn't know, but this dude did doc review for years and ...
curious brindle main people institution
  06/25/12
god damn it
ocher newt feces
  06/25/12
why, is this in your future?
curious brindle main people institution
  06/25/12
there but for fortune but idk thinking about LS and crush...
ocher newt feces
  06/25/12
dont worry - none of it happened. fucking poorly executed f...
Snowy site
  06/26/12
would buy the ebook
glittery angry orchestra pit
  06/25/12
...
pearly house-broken round eye liquid oxygen
  08/12/13
how many of these are true?
crimson sneaky criminal
  06/25/12
All of them
Diverse Honey-headed Azn
  06/26/12
"The piss feet, the cockroaches, it's real, all of it&q...
federal light ceo bawdyhouse
  10/21/18
I have nothing to do with the law, but I'd buy a book writte...
razzmatazz faggotry
  06/25/12
Just not quite good enough, thanks to one "C" in P...
glassy boyish chapel
  06/25/12
...
Umber goyim
  05/13/14
What I don't get is how a dude who writes like that cannot m...
Crawly offensive genital piercing
  06/26/12
Maybe not. I was 2.67/178 and scraped into a single lower t1...
180 French Volcanic Crater Internal Respiration
  06/26/12
with all due respect, this sounds like bullshit. You got a 1...
curious brindle main people institution
  06/26/12
With a 2.67 gpa?
razzmatazz faggotry
  06/26/12
178 is so far above everyone's 75th percentile (today, let a...
curious brindle main people institution
  06/26/12
Jesus. This is me.
metal sanctuary half-breed
  07/03/13
...
curious brindle main people institution
  07/14/12
...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  10/19/12
...
exhilarant nubile mental disorder
  02/18/13
...
plum sinister center patrolman
  03/01/13
...
plum sinister center patrolman
  03/02/13
Tucker max of doc review (i.e., most of this did not happen,...
Learning Disabled Salmon Quadroon Kitchen
  03/02/13
...
Cordovan piazza goal in life
  04/17/13
one of the most gifted motherfuckers out there. hope he got ...
greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman
  04/17/13
...
Cordovan piazza goal in life
  04/17/13
I reread this thread beginning to end every time it gets bum...
Odious unholy trailer park prole
  04/17/13
...
greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman
  04/17/13
...
embarrassed to the bone station
  04/17/13
anymore to post? loving these I used to think shitlaw ...
Violent affirmative action
  04/17/13
...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  07/02/13
"Or you could try the nightmarish (and all but totally ...
ebony trip church
  07/02/13
I know this isn't all of them; if you know of more stories f...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  07/03/13
Greetings, The talk above about how K lawyers suck ass an...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  09/21/16
Exactly. For example, at the shitlaw personal injury firm I ...
curious brindle main people institution
  10/03/13
New York Law School was founded in an abandoned warehouse in...
curious brindle main people institution
  10/03/13
...
Jet shrine
  09/22/16
...
bossy titillating milk
  01/18/17
Forget the "same class and year" stuff- there are ...
exhilarant nubile mental disorder
  10/03/13
First off, the malpractice insurance is not that expensive f...
exhilarant nubile mental disorder
  10/03/13
e used to scroll thru the McCarter associate bios while I wa...
exhilarant nubile mental disorder
  10/03/13
...
Khaki School Mad-dog Skullcap
  12/29/13
...
Carnelian Sound Barrier Really Tough Guy
  01/05/14
...
Fighting histrionic roommate
  01/05/14
...
curious brindle main people institution
  01/28/14
...
zippy turquoise partner
  05/13/14
Obligatory Bump
Cowardly Garrison Macaca
  06/12/14
horrifying.
infuriating pit
  06/12/14
...
curious brindle main people institution
  06/18/14
Yep, the job market is getting worse, likely much worse- and...
curious brindle main people institution
  06/18/14
i lol'd. we really should make an effort to collect all of t...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  10/07/14
Oh god the memories. The sweet smell of urine and feces on B...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  10/07/14
JACKPOT MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  10/07/14
Unnnnnngh
greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman
  10/07/14
Nearly all of them, from what I hear from my old NYC friends...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  11/10/14
Once you start doing doc review, no one (not even small firm...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  11/10/14
I graduated in 2004 from an NYC Tier One school with a 3.1 G...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  11/10/14
Seton Hall is a middling, 2nd tier diploma mill located in N...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  11/10/14
...
greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman
  05/09/15
...
exhilarant nubile mental disorder
  05/29/15
all praise the almighty scott bullock
Motley aqua whorehouse
  06/01/15
...
Hyperactive black toaster
  07/21/15
Holy shit this thread literally makes me want to kill myself...
Spruce toilet seat lay
  02/17/16
...
curious brindle main people institution
  05/25/16
180 thread, thanks for bumpinb
effete heaven laser beams
  05/25/16
http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=1695190&mc=6...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  06/22/16
...
talking corn cake halford
  10/31/16
REMINDER
Jet shrine
  09/22/16
tyft
exciting flushed forum digit ratio
  09/22/16
...
glittery angry orchestra pit
  10/31/16
Still loling
zippy turquoise partner
  11/22/16
Bumping again because people need to see the true face of GC
drunken ultramarine selfie
  11/30/16
...
zippy turquoise partner
  11/30/16
splendid thread
razzle coffee pot clown
  12/01/16
...
obsidian misanthropic french chef
  08/02/17
...
poppy famous landscape painting
  08/02/17
...
Stirring step-uncle's house
  08/14/17
This thread made me quit college and join the army
Racy Hunting Ground Athletic Conference
  10/05/17
This needs to be bumped weekly
Lascivious locale
  01/17/18
I found this searching for the McDonald's bistro thread
jet-lagged emerald pisswyrm
  02/03/18
...
Mind-boggling theatre mediation
  08/18/18
...
Opaque national
  10/19/18
...
obsidian misanthropic french chef
  10/20/18
tyft http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=1695190&...
Concupiscible copper gas station national security agency
  10/20/18
It would probably help if lolschools taught their students h...
chrome electric school cafeteria
  10/20/18
That would make zero difference. There are too many schools ...
Motley aqua whorehouse
  10/21/18
...
Medicated Office Rigpig
  10/21/18
I think you would have more options if you knew how to pract...
chrome electric school cafeteria
  10/21/18
No. There are just too many people with law licenses.
Motley aqua whorehouse
  10/21/18
Great thread.
insecure hot church building incel
  10/21/18
...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  01/09/19
...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  09/04/19
...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  04/30/20
Ah fuck it’s this thread again. (Flushes an hour ...
Mind-boggling theatre mediation
  04/30/20
Nice, we will have a fresh crop in 2-3 years after ITE 2.0
Aromatic hall mother
  04/30/20
bored with nothing to do so I will be adding a bunch to this...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  04/30/20
Oh man, I forgot to tell you guys some funny stories about L...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  04/30/20
lol i remember the Pete Johnson thing from JDunderground
Motley aqua whorehouse
  04/30/20
The saddest part of all are the older ID shitlawyers in thei...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  04/30/20
180 how he starts out with "let's call the guy 'bill'&q...
Motley aqua whorehouse
  04/30/20
Quote: Ok, you are saying you expect more with that educati...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  04/30/20
Quote: I would take what this poster says with a grain of...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  04/30/20
...
Motley aqua whorehouse
  05/01/20
https://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=23&am...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  08/11/20
"The stampede of coders wrangling for this gig rivaled ...
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  08/11/20
Are these all by the same guy omegalul
Self-absorbed violet native
  08/20/21
yes
Mint shaky ape coldplay fan
  08/29/21
...
Motley aqua whorehouse
  10/06/22
...
clear submissive senate
  05/16/22
...
Indigo Place Of Business Tattoo
  05/29/22
...
galvanic crotch cuckoldry
  07/07/22
...
pungent pale trump supporter
  10/06/22


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:22 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

You'd be really surprised (stunned really) if you spent a few years on the NYC doc review "circuit." There are people from all kinds of good schools: NYU, Emory, Fordham, Columbia, Penn, etc. But mostly it's Brooklyn/St Johns/Cardozo/Seton Hall/Rutgers kids- I'd say about 70% are from those schools.

Kids from top, top schools usually make lousy coders. For example, I sat next to a guy on an O'Melveny project who I named "Dr. Smell-Good." He wore those Kenneth Cole dress boots that were popular about 8 years ago, but didn't wear socks with them. He'd take them off throughout the day and his feet smelled horrible. He was an NYU grad and got canned from a big firm in the downturn. He was literally boiling with rage at the doc review "lifestyle"- he didn't care for being berated all day and talked to like a 5 year old (which is how doc review just "is." For example, like 20 times a day there are "annoucements" and such and everyone has to move their chairs in a circle and "listen up." It's kinda like prison, but in a funny way. Once you've been on a few gigs you get used to the game and don't really notice anymore how downright sad and degrading this shit is.

Poor ole Dr. Smellgood wouldn't have any part of it. When he told me he went to NYU and I screamed out "you went to NYU are are working HERE? With us losers?" he said "don't say it so loud" and "i'm not a loser, I used to make six digits." I tried to help him get on the beam, but this guy was grinding his molars down to nubs he was so angry at all the typical BS, like having to sign out to use the bathroom and not having soda at your desk, etc. Also on Fridays the temp agency usually brings in free pizza, but one coder has to act as "pizza monitor" because things usually get out of hand with the free grub and all. There are rules like only one slice at a time and no "seconds" until everyone has had a slice. Also no "hoarding" slices for your friends who are out smoking or asleep at their desks, etc. Dr. Smellgood would bitch and moan that he felt it was like kindergarten, etc etc.

I got kinda scared he was gonna bring an AK-47 to work and take us all out in a rage. Luckily that case settled one day at like 10 am and we all got sent home- they even paid us until 12 noon, which is rare.

Another dude from Yale was called "fade out" because he would just kind of babble in this soft voice about random shit and look around to see if anyone was listening. He was big on JFK assasination trivia and crackpot theories and such- he would usually get canned pretty quick because he was just too far out to be a somewhat productive coder.

There was a really funny Asian chick from I think Cornell who I worked with at Lexolution, which is an agency with its own doc review workspace on 40th st. She brought like half her apartment to work: she had a coffemaker, all kinds of plates/mugs/cups, real silverware, little desk gadgets etc. Mind you that we sit at Bingo-hall type tables all packed one on top of each other, so your neighbor is like a cell mate.

So one day she shows up with this little electric space-heater to use under her desk. She plugs it into a power strip and BAM!- blows out the electric for the whole room! It was beyond awesome. The super for the building was stuck in NJ so we got paid to sit there all day in the dark and do basically nothing.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278379)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 17th, 2013 1:12 PM
Author: irradiated tanning salon therapy

is this the poster known as areyouinsane on TLS?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23015583)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 25th, 2016 2:19 PM
Author: Sickened vibrant potus location

Yea

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#30556492)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2020 3:19 PM
Author: Sickened vibrant potus location

That guy was 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124482)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 2nd, 2015 9:58 PM
Author: Fluffy seedy useless brakes



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#27606836)



Reply Favorite

Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:23 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

The dude was a 100% legit Yale grad. He was no kid- this guy was in his mid 40s at least. I think he had some sort of nervous breakdown at another Biglaw firm where he was actually an associate. As I said, he was a really weird dude and pretty much had little to no grip on reality. One time he was washing his clothes in the break-room sink and talking about how "big cotton" had JFK whacked because he was going to ban DDT. He was one funny dude. He always wanted to have a beer with my crew, but he was a little too weird to hang with outside of work.

You see, Sullivan used to kick the coders $15 a day for food if you worked/billed more than 11 hours in a day. We'd usually head over to White Horse Tavern and just drink up the money (they had $2 McSorleys) and usually someone like Holbs would bring coke and everyone would do a bump or two, then head back to Sullivan with a nice buzz and fart around in the basement until like 2 am telling "chuck norris facts" to each other and maybe coding a document here and there. "Chill and bill" was the name of the game. Sullivan was like an ATM Machine for TTT grads to loaf around at, and you could easily make 3K or more a week if you wanted to sit there until 2 am every night.

Here's a funny story- this one really preppy dude "Pat" from a good school has once been an in-house counsel at some large company, etc. Somehow he "washed out" and ended up down in the SullCrom cellar with the rest of us TTT losers. So one night at like 1 am this associate came down and asked if anyone was willing to go upstairs and vaccum/clean up the large conference room. Some geek partners from SullCroms London office were on their way from JFK for some zero-hour deal and the big conf. room was a mess from some reception earlier in the evening. All the cleaning crew were gone for the night, so it fell to the coders to go up there and clean the mess. So me & Pat volunteered and went up there and cleaned up all this dried-up food, empty glasses, papers, and other rubbish. It was pretty funny to think back on my law school days, hoping to have a nice career and actually amount to something in life. Instead I'm on the 30th floor of SullCrom at 1 am cleaning up garbage like a janitor. If you can't laugh about it, you'll quickly end up committing suicide. It kinda sucks having no idea when your project will end, if you'll get another one quickly, what to do if you get sick (as i said, no health ins. for temps), plus all the student loans and having to pay your own CLE and bar dues, etc. Plus you do boring, miserable dead-end work for hour upon endless hour with no hope of promotion, advancement, or positive career development.

At lease doc review used to be an easy way to make decent $$$, but not anymore. Projects are few and far between and rates have fallen to 25-30 bucks an hour in NYC and hours are usually capped at 40. Also you get no health benefits since you're just a temp. You can buy a shitty plan from the agencies, but the minute your project ends you gotta go on Cobra which sucks too.

Also many of the projects now require 2 or more years of "electronic discovery" experience. Gone are the days when any mouth breather from a TTT like Brooklyn, 'Bozo, NYLS, etc could just sign up with the agencies and get on a gig quick. Hell, in 2008 I was getting $45 an hour on a Dechert project doing priv. log work. Now that same gig is paying $30 flat. I don't recommend Dechert because their associates love to read verbatim from the training manual for hours on end, and also are scared shitless of the partners who are really, really nasty people. I actually had to interview with the partner before the priv log project and she was one nasty old witch. I can't imagine having to deal with her on an ongoing basis.

I worked with some strange, strange people at Dechert. They have awesome snack machines where you can even get cereal and the snack machine pours the milk into it from a little spout. So this coder I'll call "JJ" would get his Rice Krispies in the morning, eat them at his desk, and then brush his teeth at this desk and spit the toothpaste into the empty cereal bowl and leave it there all day. It was f-ing gross. He also did push-ups like every hour under his desk, and sit-ups too. He never looked at any documents, he just downloaded Bob Dylan bootlegs all day and burned them on to CDs. He was a member of demonoid, which had all the best downloads and was always lording his demonoid password over everyone so we'd kiss his ass.

Plus we were getting $45 to do priv log and they put is in a seperate room. The non priv log coders were in a big room and called our room the "bullpen." They were jealous of our room and would try and loiter around in there and pretend they were priv loggers too. We got $10 an hour more than them so they were pissed at that too. You see, the associate actually sat in their room and wouldn

t let them talk or surf the 'net, but our room was unsupervised so we could do whatever we wanted, which was basically anything other than work.

One thing to remember about doc review is not to bring anything you care about to work with you, because when the project ends you are not allowed back in the building. Usually it works like this: You have no docs for 2 or 3 days and the associate claims he

'doesn't know anything' but that more docs are on the way, or being scanned/loaded, etc. So you'll leave work at say 9 pm and as you're walking to the subway the agency calls and says "Sorry, the project is over."

See, they can't tell the coders face to face the gig is up, because many of them are insane and will download viruses into the computers, or start screaming/crying/yelling, etc. It can get very messy. So they lie and tell you there are more docs coming, etc and once you're off the property the agency calls and tells you "game over." So if you left your stuff up there, they have security bring it down to you, provided it doesn't get tossed or stolen in the meantime. I have done over 30 temp projects in NYC and every time you get canned it is after work and done via telephone.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278383)



Reply Favorite

Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:23 PM
Author: zombie-like electric furnace



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278384)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:24 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

I will have to say that, in many cases, the doc reviewers don't do themselves any favors by usually abusing, exploiting, or otherwise f-ing up any little privileges the firms give them. For example, at Paul Weiss they have a really great cafeteria called the "Jury Room." They gave the coders $10 a day in credits to use in there- it was a little card that they punched each time you used it. The prices in there were cheap- they have a grill section and you can get a small delmonico steak with 'fixins for about $7 (this was in 2005). I ate the steak every day and it was always very tasty and often downright delicious. I eat my steaks Pittsburgh rare, and the grill guy got to know me and called me "p-burg" and always made my steak just the way I liked it. We used to roll up there as a gang and play "Price is Right." In this game you have to get as close as possible to the $10 food limit w/out going over (cause you have to pay out o pocket if you exceed the $10 food card limit). Some things like salad are sold by weight, so the game can get dicey if you start loading up with croutons and such.

The sodas, coffee etc are all free in this cafeteria. You can just grab a cup and have as much as you want. You can see where this is going. This one really dirty guy we called "ShitFingers" (because he never washed his hands after taking a dump- there were like 10 witnesses to this fact) goes up there to get a soda, but he's pressing on the little bar that makes the soda come out with a glass he'd already used and had like slobbered all over. So this old lady next to him says "did you already use that glass- if you did that's gross, you're getting your spit on the soda fountain." It was kinda gross, the glass had like mayo and shit smeared all over it.

So ShitFingers gets into this huge argument with her and they have it out there at the soda fountain (most of these coders have bad tempers and get offended at the drop of a hat). Turns out she was a partner- oops. So the next day the agency guy comes into the basement and says we can't use the cafeteria anymore. The agency said we would get a non-taxable $10 added to our checks so we could get food from outside. Goodbye delmonico steak- hello street meat. The only good thing about this is that we got to meet Rachel Ray- there is a really good Halal food cart at 56th st and one day her and her film crew rolled up and offered to buy everyone in line lunch who let her cut in front of them. In real life she is literally like 4 feet tall. She was also smoking a cigarette.

The other problem with getting banned from the cafeteria was that everyone was now eating at their workstation. We were in the basement under the Rock Center, down in the bowels of the building with the furnaces and HVAC equipement, etc. With all the food garbage from like 200 coders eating down there, the place got infested with cockroaches. They were even crawling inside the computers and such. So Paul Weiss had the place roach-bombed and the day after the dead roaches were everywhere- on the keyboards, in the printers, all over the floor. Pretty gross. Even ShitFingers thought it was a little too dirty, even for him.

I forgot to mention that we weren't allowed upstairs period after ShitFingers pissed off the partner with his soda fountain debacle. So we couldn't use the Paul Weiss bathrooms- we had to use the public bathroom in the Rock Center. It only had one stall and a homeless dude named "Bones" pretty much lived in there and would holler "i'm in here motherfucker" every time you went to take a leak. So everyone started using the Heartland Breweries bathroom, which was pretty dirty too.

Anyway, that was a JD project- you didn't have to be admitted to work the gig. Because of that we only got $21 an hour. Most everyone there was waiting to get admitted to NY, because the minute you did you could jump to a SullCrom gig which paid $32 an hour plus OT. I got admitted right after the roach bomb, and was at SullCrom the day after getting NY Bar admission up in albany. After Paul Weiss, the SullCrom cellar was like a 5 star hotel. At Sullivan the coders have their own bathroom, break rooms, and even a little kitchen to use. That makes a lot of sense. It's kind of like "steerage" on those old ships- hell, would you want a dirty old TTT colder coming upstairs to use the firm's associate-level facilities? Of course not. Sullivan thus gives their coders their own little basement "world" which they never have to leave.

It was really funny one day about 3 years ago when I was starting a gig at SullCrom. My project was starting the same day that the SA class was starting, and they had this big reception table set up in the lobby with 'Welcome Class of '08" or whatever. I went up to the table and told them I was there for the doc review gig- they actually told me to wait outside and they'd come get us when the SA's had cleared the lobby! God forbid a TTT grad contaminate their little party!

Later in the day they took all the SA's to the basement (i think they were getting a grand tour of the firm) and the associate was telling them "these are all just temps." The SA's looked at us like we were animals in a zoo or something, it was degrading in kind of a funny way though. In doc review you work at whatever spare broom closet, furnace room, or other hovel they stick you in (manhattan office space is pricey and why waste good $$$ on space for TTT loser temps?) On big projects you literally sit elbow-to-elbow with each other, for up to 16 hours a day. You also have to use the beat-up old furniture from the 1970s that really belongs in a dumpster. Its very much like prison, with everyone so cramped into small spaces and tensions all flaring up. Chairs are a big, big deal- sometimes a wiseass newbie will try and switch his chair with a "veteran's" chair if he gets their early that day or something. Big mistake. You see, since the furniture is all pretty much garbage, there's a real pecking order as to who gets the "best of the worst" when it comes to chair allocation. Most of the time the backrest or the swivel (or both) are broken, so if you end up with a decent chair you hang on to it for dear life. If the staff attorney or supervisor moves your seat for talking too much or causing problems, you have the right to take that chair with you to your new workstation- it's part of the "unwritten code" of the temps. I have literally seen fistfights start over people trying to nab chairs that didn't belong to them.

Another problem are those "one serve coffee" machines that are often in the break room. You know those "Green Mountain" machines with the little one-serve pods? Being dirt poor, the coders are prone to "hoarding," and the popular flavors like hazelnut will often vanish the second the case/box is opened. That's because some coders will take like 50 of them and hide them near their workstation, usually in a file cabinet or under document boxes, etc. So usually all that's left for coffee is like Dark French Roast Decaf and other crap flavors. Another big thing is the take-out menu folder. There are certain Chinese restaurants that rarely give out menus, so people are very fussy about keeping the "rare" menus in the folder. It is very bad form to take that menu from the folder to your desk, because if you lose it it's the only one we had. Also do not write on the menu, ever, unless it's something funny.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278388)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:41 PM
Author: hairraiser filthpig box office

The only good thing about this is that we got to meet Rachel Ray- there is a really good Halal food cart at 56th st and one day her and her film crew rolled up and offered to buy everyone in line lunch who let her cut in front of them. In real life she is literally like 4 feet tall. She was also smoking a cigarette.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278557)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 12:33 PM
Author: Lemon domesticated multi-billionaire

like

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20954309)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 5:14 PM
Author: razzmatazz faggotry

"they have a grill section and you can get a small delmonico steak with 'fixins for about $7 (this was in 2005)"

lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20955779)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:24 PM
Author: zombie-like electric furnace

Nah, the worst thing about the legal industry is how mind-numbingly boring the work is. For example, on the Dechert case where I did the priv. log, the case was (from what we were told as temps) about some audit of all these complex credit-swap "deals." Each deal had a code name like "Peachtree" or "Applewood" or other fruit-inspired names.

The training session for this was the day before Thanksgiving 2008, and we sat in a small conference room with the associate from 9:30 am until 10 o'clock that night going over a huge Powerpoint presentation all about the tr-lateral sub agreements, addendums to the agreements, etc etc. Take the most boring thing you've ever read or done in life and multiply it by 10,000, and that will give a rough idea of how boring most Biglaw cases are, even for the associates. This associate was like 29 going on 60. The dood told us he hadn't slept in like 4 days and was going to miss Thanksgiving for the 3rd year in a row, etc. Those years and memories he will never get back. I really do hope the $$ is worth it to him, because he struck me as someone depresssed to the point of suicide.

Toward the tail end of my coding career, I actually had the chance to become a "perma-temp" case anaylst at Weill Gotshall. My ex-GF grew up in Manhattan and her two best friends (a husband and wife) worked there as 4th year associates. They both absolutely despised (not just merely hated) their jobs, but as usual got way overboard with a huge apartment, a maid/nanny, etc and couldn't afford to quit. They offered to get me in their as a staff attorney on a doc review gig they were running, which was going to last over a year.

It was depressing hanging with them, since we all graduated law school the same year (albeit they both from Columbia), and were all technically "lawyers." Yet I would never be anything more than a dead-end lackey at the firm, a 4th class loser on par with the janitor or restroom attendant. I tried to explain this to my non-lawyer GF, but she just didn't "get" it. She was like "oh, won't it be great to work with Mike and Kate at a big firm?" She had no idea (and they were too nice to tell her) that I was going to be in the basement and have no future at the place. So one night I got drunk and told her how we were NEVER going to have anything, and the best I could ever do was probably 65-75 K a year and no health insurance. Since she wanted kids, she dumped me shortly thereafter.

So yes, the pain of not "making it" in this industry can indeed bleed over and ruin almost every aspect of your life. It sure did for me. It's not that I'm jealous of people like them who make the big $$$, just "awkward" since they knew damn well what I was and the type of "lawyer" (if that's what you want to call it) I would always be. They were very nice people and never in any way condescended or berated me in any way, but that sting is just always kind of "there," you know?



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278390)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:25 PM
Author: zombie-like electric furnace

(in response to question about why he has not ditched the legal field altogether & tried to find a job that doesn't require JD but has benefits, room for advancement, etc)

I have tried, but there isn't much of a market (esp. in this recession/depression) for people with no useful business experience, a TTT law degree, and a resume with about 30 different temp jobs over 5 years time. Plus, with substantial student debt, I can't really afford to "start from the bottom" and make 25-30 K a year in another business or industry. I already have loans in default and there's really no way out of this mess. Hell, bar dues alone are $375 for NY and $400 for NJ, plus another $300 for CLE's. I was scraping by last year doing re-fi mortgage closings for Quicken Loans, but a new loan manager took over for NJ and now they send notaries for $50 to cover the closings rather than $150 for attorneys. More and more, businesses & people are phasing out lawyers wherever they can. I covered a traffic court appearance for a buddy yesterday and, of the 200 or so people there, only 4 had attorneys with them. (And no, you can't go up to people in court and ask them to hire you- it's against the ethics rules and can get you in trouble). A couple people actually did ask if I was a lawyer, and they wanted to discuss their cases, but of course had no $$$. From TV shows and such, the general public have become enamored with the idea that lawyers are provided free to everyone for every problem.

Even personal injury, once the "golden ticket" for TTT grads, is really, really tough nowadays. The carriers will NOT settle any car accident cases without bone fractures, and fight to the death over all the herniated disc cases and such. You can do OK with employment law- I did settle a sexual harrassment case for my sister's friend for 18 K last spring with a letter and half dozen phone calls. But to get enough cases like that to earn a steady living is very, very hard unless you already have a "spare" 50 K or so laying around for google adwords or your own sleazy TV commerical, etc. The typical newbie solo gets only drips & drabs, hence their contantly running back to these temporary doc review projects to supplement their meager incomes from their own "practice." NYC and NJ are really just too saturated with lawyers to make a go of it as a solo, and I'm too ground down by this industry to sit another bar and relocate to another state. At this point it just isn't worth it.

Non-legal employers don't understand the world of doc review, and often ask "why were you never made permanent anywhere" and things like that. They don't understand that doc review is transient work, and that lowlife TTT coders like me are not offered associate positions no matter how many docs you code.

Another thing I forgot to mention is that most firms make you sign a paper before you start the temp job which states you may NOT put the firm's name on your resume or do anything to make others think you actually worked there. God forbid a bunch of TTT grads were shopping their SullCrom or Paul Weiss resumes around! Instead, you are only allowed to put the name of your temp. agency (like HireCounsel, Lexolution, Update Legal, etc) and the duration of the project. The firms want to make damn sure some TTT'er doesn't soil their name by putting it on their garbage resume.

And as I said, my only substantive experience was in personal injury law. Understand that most injury lawyers who don't advertise on TV bribe "runners" to get cases for them- like hospital orderlies, nurses, ambulance drivers, etc. Here's how it works: the runner gives an accident victim the lawyer's card with a $20 bill wrapped around it and says "call that # and you'll get another $100 later today." The runners do this to people they "know" will not think it's anything unusual, like someone who's homeless or otherwise not very educated (most of the really good cases come from very poor urban areas- they tend to have more accidents since they frequent places which are in bad repair- housing projects, dive bars- and also tend to not wear seat belts or have cars with airbags).

So when the accident victim calls, the lawyer sends another dood out to the hospital (or their apt. or house if they've been discharged), gives them the $100, and has them sign a retainer. Bingo- they get a case worth thousands in lawyer fees for fronting the client $120 bucks. The runner gets paid a "commission" based on the quality of cases he/she brings in.

This isn't some TV show script, it's business as usual for NYC/NJ personal injury. How the hell else do you think some solo in Brooklyn or Queens you've never heard of makes big $$$ doing PI? Hardly anyone ever gets caught, about twice a year the AG's office plants some undercover folks in the ER to catch a few ambulance chasers, but mostly it gets ignored.

The other way these places get cases is by paying sleazy "medical mills" in the outer boroughs to "refer" cases to them. If someone is treating at a walk-in clinic and the "doctor" learns they were in an accident, he calls the PI lawyer and offers him the case. The catch is that the fee for the "medical reports" (wink wink) vary based on the injury. For sprains and soft tissue cases, it's usually 1200-1500 bucks, for a fracture it can be like 3 K or more. It's really sleazy shit and most of the clinics are run by Russian mobsters. To play this game you have to have enough cash to get the "medical reports," which is more expesnive than paying runners. But there is much less chance of getting busted.

So for anyone considering a career in personal injury law, that's the 5 minute primer. You can see now why associates in this area are paid almost nothing: they don't bring anything to the table. Getting the case is all that matters: the "legal work" is mostly cut and pasted stock pleadings and depostions where you try your best to get these illiterate, often crack-addicted clients to put some kind of coherent story together about the puddle of urine they slipped on at Roy's Billard Hall or wherever. Trials are very, very rare and mostly are reserved only for VERY high value cases (like 200 K+). Usually the trials are "farmed out" to a stable of silver-haired shysters who are very slick at getting juries to open the floodgates and get a huge payday. The per-diem trial guys get a 1/3 curt of any verdict they get. No lawyer in their right mind would let a young associate do a trial, because when you guy to trial you have to pay for the doctor upfront to testify, which is 5 K or more. And this money is coming from the firm's pocket since these are contingency cases (YOU DON'T PAY UNLESS WE WIN!- you've all seen the commericals lol).

The "typical" auto or trip n' slip case you just scrounge whatever you can from the insurance company and move on. It's a volume business, as that's the only way to make $$$.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278395)



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Date: November 22nd, 2016 12:29 AM
Author: dashing wine pozpig corner

what a time to be alive

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#31966759)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:25 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

Another funny thing about doc review is that you can get "promoted" on long term (like 3 or 4 month projects) to QC (quality control) or "second level review," which means you double-check the work of the regular coders on some sort of random audit basis. That way you can't just "green light" the shitty or non-existent coding of your friends (you see, there used to be projects in the more primitive days of software where you could "batch code"- this is where you hold down CTRL and just mark a whole batch of docs "non-responsive" w/out even opening or reading them). It was great b/c you could do like 100 docs in 10 seconds and then surf the Internet or bullshit for the other 59 minutes of the hour. But the firms wised up to this and can now see how much time you spent on each doc, etc and get all other kinds of stool pidgeon software to abuse and monitor the temps.

Usually you get this QC "promotion" by being a hot chick or; alternatively, not constantly falling asleep and/or drooling on your keyboard. It helps not to cause all kinds of problems either like complaining the room is too hot or chewing up all the pens, etc. Sometimes it's just plain dumb luck- they spin the "Wheel O' Coders" and your number pops up.

You don't get any extra $$$ to be a QC coder, but you often will get to hang on a few extra days after the gig wraps up to finish any stray docs and double-check docs that might actually be responsive (though almost none are- would you trust TTT coders with anything potentially important? enough said).

So I was on this huge doc review for a pharma tort case and somehow got promoted to QC. One day the staff attorney tells me to go help this old bald Indian dude who called himself "Gahdhi" (like prison, most people in doc review have "street names" while on project, in case you haven't noticed). He was a really nice guy and was saving money so he could retire in India. His wife was already over there scouting out houses, etc. His real name was impossible to pronounce unless you have a certain kind of tongue or something, according to him.

Bigger problem is, apparently Gandhi had zero experience using computers, which isn't exactly great news when your job involves using one 16 hours a day. According to the staff attorney, all of the PDF docs that Gandhi was doing redactions on were seriously screwed up, with like half the page blacked out. Rather than "redactions," Gahndi's docs looked like random grafitti or modern art or whatever. Furthermore, his redactions were over parts of the page that were blank to begin with, so something was seriously wrong.

So I go to his workstation to see what's going on and have him pull up a PDF doc. He does and the doc is displayed on the screen sideways. I tell him to rotate the doc and Gandi grabs hold of the whole computer monitor (this was pre-flat screen) and starts trying to turn the entire rig sideways. It was mounted on one of those swivel, ball-joint type bases (remember those?). Before I could tell him that he didn't need to move the monitor upside down and shit, somehow the wires from his monitor unplugged the computer of the chick sitting next to him (as I said, everyone sits elbow to elbow and there are wires all over the place, and like 500 things plugged into one outlet, etc).

So the screen of the chick next to home goes dark, and she starts going utterly batshit crazy and says "This guy is a terrorist, I can't fucking stand him- he does this like 50 times a day! " She was livid and said 'he shouldn't fucking be here if he can't use a computer" and things of that nature. I guess it never occured to her to investigate why Gahndi turned his monitor extremely sideways like 200 times a day, but coders aren't always the most helpful or cordial people. This chick in particular had a reputation for being really aggressive, and for some reason she had like a hundred Bic lighters all over her work table and used to chew on them, etc. They were all gnawed down like those toys you give a gerbil or whatever.

Anyway, Gahndi got really offended that she called him a "terrorist" (this was back when the Iraq war was still big news and such). He was threatening to report her to the staff attorney for racial slurs, etc, and the whole situation was becoming a huge scene. I crawled under the table to try and get the wires plugged back in while the two of them were having at it. It got out of hand pretty quickly and Gandhi starts marching up and knocking on the staff attorneys door.

I got the computers back up and running and like 2 minutes later the staff attorney comes out and calls the chick into the office to get her side of the story. Then like 2 minutes later the aggressive chick storms out, grabs all her lighters and shit off the table, says "Fuck you" to me, and rolls off the project. These randomly aggressive incidents are actually pretty common on doc review, so it wasn't really as big a deal as it would be at a normal job. In fact, my definition of "normal" is now so screwed up I could probably never return to any type of legitimate office environment.

Another funny guy on this project we used to call 'Sloshburg" because he showed up for work reeking of booze every day. One time he came back from lunch all lit up and started turning the lights on and off and like "breathing on people" and such. We're talking heavy Stage IV alcoholism here. He was always bragging about this million-dollar injury case he was "this close" to settling, and how as soon as it came through he was leaving doc review for good. It wasn't unusual. Many coders suffer from what I call "Willy Lohman" syndrome- their grip on reality and their place in the economic pecking order is just totally lost on them. There isn't a coder alive without a stack of cheesy Vista-Print business cards with all sorts of official titles and such like "Law Office of Thomas Montgomery Coder, Attorney and Counsellor at Law, Master of Chancery, King's Bench, Member of the Bar, Juris Doctor, Esquire." It's like some kind of closet "prestige injection" for them, apparently. I think one guy even has his LSAT score on his card, but it was probably like a 149 or whatever.

These cards are of course for their "side practices," which involve getting their brothers/moms/realtives etc. out of speeding tickets and other occasional rinky-dink stuff. What's really funny is that almost all of them use the same Regus mail-drop company in NYC as their "office address," and when they swap cards they'll say things like "oh, our practices are in the same building" and act all important for a few minutes. It gets depressing after awhile seeing these fools carry on this pathetic charade on project after project. The only time I ever had business cards was when I was an associate at the personal injury shop, and they were those cheesy ones from Staples that come on perforated cardstock sheets to print yourself. About a week after I started working there the secretary printed them up and left a stack on my desk. I'd carry the whole sheets in my little briefcase and if someone wanted a card I just ripped one off the sheet, like a dispenser. It was kind of handy, really.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278398)



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Date: July 3rd, 2013 12:02 AM
Author: Crystalline Stage Kitty

Unmitigated 180s every sentence.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23528090)



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Date: April 24th, 2015 12:38 PM
Author: up-to-no-good cracking tank codepig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#27750747)



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Date: February 17th, 2016 4:39 PM
Author: Purple nowag



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#29852132)



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Date: December 2nd, 2016 8:42 PM
Author: tan adventurous set

Perhaps the funniest bro to ever post on this site.

The business card sheet throwaway at the end is pure 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#32042559)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:27 PM
Author: zombie-like electric furnace

I forgot to mention that on "office days" (when you don't have court or depositions, which rarely happens) you have to "Jam." "

Jamming is when you call an insurance adjuster on some bastard "no-pay" case as many times a day as you have to to jam their voicemail box full- you do this by leaving your phone off the hook after leaving your message, and leaving the same message like 10 to 20 times in a row or until the mailbox is reported full.

You see, insurance adjusters get paid crap and usually have like 20,000 files to handle, so you can pretty much never get one on the phone. So to get a callback you have to do everything possible to fuck up their voicemail, like leaving the same message 100 times in a two hour period. My old boss was such a prick that he had a police whistle he would blast into the speakerphone after leaving his voicemail messages. Then when they called back all deaf and pissed he'd say the insurance company must have a shitty phone system and he'll help them sue for their hearing damage. He was a real character.

One other time he started swearing at this one poor adjuster and calling her a cunt and things like that because she wouldn't settle some fender bender case. A week later I was going thru the mail and the CEO of the insurance company had sent this nasty letter saying how his employee was abused and called a c_nt and a b_tch and all these other names. You know that trick where you substitute a __ for a letter in a curse word? So I show it to the boss and all he says is "this asshole needs to learn how to spell cunt- he left all the letters and shit out. What does he think this is, "Wheel of Fortune?"

Oh, there was this other hilarious shyster that used to be friends with my boss. I'll begin by saying that under NYC Sidewalk Law, an unlevel sidewalk slab must be at least 2 inches apart or it's considered "de minimis" and you can't get any $$$ for the trip n' fall. So this clown had a special fake ruler made where one inch was really one half inch, and he'd photograph the defect with the fake ruler next to it. He was smart and knew the city were too lazy/incompetent to actually send someone out there and take their own measurements, so he'd roll into a deposition or court settlement conference with photos showing a two-inch separation (which of course was in reality only one inch, if that) and settle the cases for whatever he could get.

Finally some judge or another lawyer smelled a rat, and his office got raided and turned up the fake ruler and tons of other neafarious frauds. At his disbarrment hearing he tried to claim he bought the ruler at Staples and it was "made wrong at the factory." That dood was like a legend in NYC personal injury. He was later prosecuted for like 200 counts of fraud and now resides in Attica, NY, which is a bit upstate lol.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278418)



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Date: June 27th, 2012 9:30 AM
Author: alcoholic parlour

Holy shit 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20967173)



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Date: January 19th, 2015 7:08 PM
Author: impressive buff karate mad cow disease

180!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#27147810)



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Date: May 25th, 2016 12:39 PM
Author: impressive buff karate mad cow disease

The ruler story is never not funny .

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#30555792)



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Date: November 30th, 2016 7:37 PM
Author: razzle coffee pot clown

lollll

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#32026477)



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Date: May 30th, 2022 9:50 AM
Author: Blue passionate brunch

180 billion

Is this poast the genesis of the "shitlaw boss" meme?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#44597184)



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Date: June 18th, 2022 12:49 PM
Author: Comical drab blood rage fortuitous meteor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#44704279)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:27 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

Like hurricanes, scientists are studying the “life cycle” of the typical NYC whiteout. Its root causes, if you will. The “chain of events.” They tell us it all starts with a craigslist ad, calling for some no-fault/landlord tenant/personal injury/_________(insert shitlaw practice area here) associate, with 0-2 years experience. Usually the salary offered will be south of 40 K, but much “experience” is promised in lieu of monetary remuneration. Court appearances and depositions are often mentioned, as well as “motions.”

Upon pressing the “post” button and placing the ad online, the white-out phenomenon unfolds. Within seconds, the telltale ring of the fax machine sounds thru the office as the resumes start shooting in. Building slowly, like a dynamo brought up to speed, the ring soon blares into a continuous, screeching din like a submarine’s “torpedo” alarms in those old WWII movies. Upwards of 75 resumes a minute have been reported, and often the hapless secretaries are dispatched to find milk crates, empty wastebaskets, and other vessels to absorb this incoming resume avalanche.

But there’s no taming this beast. As the toner bleeds dry, the print becomes fainter and fainter, until the boldfaced “Cardozo Sports Law Journal” and “Top 46%” boldfaced type dissolves from a scream to a faint whisper. By the ten-minute mark, the fax machine pages emerge blank and unblemished, the shitlaw credentials unprinted. The toner is empty. Yet onward the onslaught continues, page upon blank empty page pouring into a vortex of abject nothingness. This heart of darkness is pure white.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278419)



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Date: April 30th, 2012 12:08 AM
Author: slate principal's office

"But there’s no taming this beast. As the toner bleeds dry, the print becomes fainter and fainter, until the boldfaced “Cardozo Sports Law Journal” and “Top 46%” boldfaced type dissolves from a scream to a faint whisper. By the ten-minute mark, the fax machine pages emerge blank and unblemished, the shitlaw credentials unprinted. The toner is empty. Yet onward the onslaught continues, page upon blank empty page pouring into a vortex of abject nothingness. This heart of darkness is pure white."

Oh my god.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20578573)



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Date: June 26th, 2012 9:38 PM
Author: heady spot puppy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20964456)



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Date: October 7th, 2014 9:42 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#26476018)



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Date: October 7th, 2014 10:11 PM
Author: greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#26476247)



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Date: November 30th, 2016 6:28 PM
Author: obsidian misanthropic french chef



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#32025897)



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Date: October 5th, 2017 4:52 AM
Author: Orchid library



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#34371641)



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Date: February 25th, 2018 10:27 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#35487762)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 4:16 PM
Author: Mind-boggling theatre mediation



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124858)



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Date: October 6th, 2020 7:30 PM
Author: smoky international law enforcement agency



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#41061023)



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Date: December 28th, 2013 8:57 PM
Author: Khaki School Mad-dog Skullcap



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#24727257)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:28 PM
Author: zombie-like electric furnace

Oh, I almost left out the best story of all. So on the big pharma review project (Seroquel), there was this really creepy older skinny dude who, immediately upon getting to his workstation, would peel off his shoes. That's not terribly unusual in itself, since a lot of coders kick off their dogs since you're sitting for like 16+ hours in the same chair once you get to work.

But this guy wore these "pedophile socks," you know: always in a loud color like pink or bright green. Also they were stitched so there was a receptacle for each individual toe, and had like gold glitter lines and shit on them. Weird, right?

About 2 days into the gig I go to take a leak and here's this guy yakking on his cell phone in front of the urinal wearing nothing on his feet but those socks. C'mon now, who struts around a public restroom like that? Esp. one where like 500 coders a day are pissing and spitting all over the bathroom floor? He was literally standing in a soggy puddle of urine with nothing but those socks on. I'd never before seen a coder who went to the restroom with just stocking feet.

So after that my crew started calling him "Piss Feet" behind his back. But that's not the funniest part....

One day we roll on to the job at like 9 am and there's a message on the dry erase board that the URL to get your documents has changed. Apparently the firm had switched software companies or whatever. The staff attorney made like 10 annoucements that day to look at the board for the new URL, since obviously w/out it you couldn't pull a batch of shit to review.

Around 7 pm that night the staff attorney does a routine "cruise by" (kinda like a warden makes the rounds in a prison) to make sure everyone had docs and was actually working and not screwing around, etc. So she rolls by PissFeet's station and he's sitting there in his piss-socks reading a paperback novel under his desk. She says "hey man, is there something wrong? Why aren't you doing work?"

(I forgot to mention that this gig was uber-Gestapo style and there was basically zero tolerance for blatantly screwing around, etc. We'd use code-words to tip each other off if we were bullshitting with a neighbor and the guy with his back turned didn't see her making rounds: on this gig the code word was "apples." If you had your back turned and were in the middle of a story and your neighbor said "yeah, I like those apples" it was a cue to turn back towards your screen and look busy ASAP. As I said, this shit is much more like prison culture than any sort of "career")

So she rolls up on PissFeet and catches him red-handed with his nose in a Stephen King book. She says "PissFeet (real name omitted), "what is your problem? Don't you have a batch?"

PissFeet says "I'm sorry, my machine is broken. I haven't been able to pull a batch since 9 am today." Did I mention this guy looked and talked just like a stock child molester from a 1980s sitcom? What a fucking weirdo.

So she says: "Piss Feet, you know our URL changed today, right?"

He plays all dumb and says "It did? When did that happen?"

She says, "about 11 hours ago- didn't you hear the annoucments and check the board?"

He says, "oh, I didn't know we had to check the board ourselves?"

Mind you, on doc review there's a dry erase board in each room and, like a preschool, you're told at orientation to check it every day for updates and new rules, etc.

So to make a long story short, Piss Feet was never seen again after that evening. Hell, the dude didn't even have his computer turned on, much less doing any work. It's called in temp. agency lingo being "rolled off the project." They never come out and say you got fired, or give any feedback or criticism. It's always either "the project ended" (true), or "you were rolled off this project-it wasn't a good fit" (i.e. you were canned for being a retard or troublemaker).

I myself got canned several times for being a general asshole and troublemaker. For example, there was a project on Rector Street that was actually pretty cool. This gig was for the NYC Law Dept, Civil Division. We got $30 an hour from an agency called "The Dine Group" to code docs for a construction lawsuit case involving the new Bronx Criminal Courthouse. There were lots of cool coders on this gig, we'd smoke pot during lunch, sneak beers and shit into work, etc. It was great. Also my seat-mate and I won the New Yorker magazine cartoon caption contest, which was a big deal at the time. We spent like 90% of the "workday" on that, so winning for once was a really, really big deal. We were the talk of the coder community after that score. It was the best feeling I've ever had in my entire life.

But soon we started running low on docs on this gig, and everyone was waiting for the ax to fall. It was right before Xmas 2009, so everyone was trying to stack as much $$$ as possible since Jan/Feb are usually very slow for doc review work.

So the staff attorney on this gig was a good ole' Southern belle from Tulane who really wasn't very hot. She also had sort of an annoying personality. She really thought she was a "Carrie Bradshaw" (that's what I called her) even though she shared some dump studio in Astoria, Queens with another loser coder. She was in love with her pathetic "authority," such as it was. Always bragging about hanging at "Corner Bistro" and fighting off all these I-banker suitors, etc. Like most coders, it was a complete fantasy world she'd spun for herself. Chick was a 6 at best.

So when the docs really began running dry, I started taking like 200 cigarette breaks a day since my buddy Holbs had just been to visit from New Hampshire and dropped off like 20 cartons of Parliaments his girlfriend had shoplifted from the smoke shop. There was hardly anything else to do. And every time I'd leave the room, I'd say "see y'all later, if there is a later" and, at the end of the day, "see you all tomorrow, if there is a tomorrow." Things like that. Gallows humor and all. The gig was just about done, as I saw it. Docs were few and far between.

But Carrie Bradshaw, being a southerner, didn't really find the humor in it. She called me aside like 20 times and lectured: "you'e stirring up trouble, you smartass" and "I know for a fact there's more documents coming, that's why I'm the staff attorney." The old brag-a-rino. She really thought she was better than us regular coders because she went to Tulane.

So one morning in front of everyone I asked if she grew up in a "double wide" down in Armpit, Arkansas or whatever and she got royally pissed. You could say she took great offense to it. So I went to lunch thinking nothing of it, fuck her.... and BAM- good old "Dine Group" agency calls before I cleared the lobby and says I was "rolled off the project, effective immediately." It was like 12 below zero outside, so I went to Blarney Stone and mowed a huge corned beef sandwich, then went to see a movie. Guess Carrie Bradshaw had some major juice to get me canned that quick.

I was lucky.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278429)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 4:21 PM
Author: Mind-boggling theatre mediation

“yeah, I like those apples”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124890)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:29 PM
Author: zombie-like electric furnace

Another funny thing about personal injury firms is that they're almost pathologically cheap when it comes to office space & office supplies. Usually these firms are in some grungy little bodega-sized storefront in an outer borough, or in like windowless D-class Manhattan office space (mine was the latter).

You see, personal injury "clients" are mostly dirt poor, uneducated folks- in fact, many are homeless. That said, it's pointless to piss away $$$ on nice offices and such since anywhere with chairs and running water is likely to be a huge upgrade from what they're used to.

So when I first started at the firm I finished cutting/pasting a boilerplate motion together, and asked the boss where the exhibit tabs were kept. He looked at me like I'd asked him when my new Ferrari would be ready to pick up from the dealership.

"I don't waste money on that shit," he said. Then he tells me to go next door and ask X (the other partner) where to get them from.

So I roll in and X is screaming on the phone at some angry crackhead about her trip n' slip case and why she hasn't "got paid yet" and the typical ranting & shit. When he's done I ask him if he has any exhibit tabs. I forgot to mention that his office looked like the inside of a recycling depot, with about 10,000 old newspapers thrown all over, motions stacked up the ceiling, garbage pretty much everywhere.

He grunts and then fishes a Defendant's motion from a pile of shit next to his desk, then pulls a bent flathead screwdriver from the desk drawer and proceeds to pry the Velotext binding apart. The he tosses me the loose exhibit tabs and says "I'll leave this screwdriver on the desk so you can use it whenever."

That's how they rolled. Prying apart incoming motions to plunder their office supply content. Another funny thing was that they bought those knockoff printer toners from a dood on Canal Street who sold them off the back of a station wagon. They were terrible and all our papers looked like a charcoal briquette had been rubbed across them. One time a judge in Queens asked me if I moonlighted as a chimney sweep and was cracking up at how illegible the shit was.

Another funny habit of my boss was bringing dead batteries back to Duane Reade. The office had one of those electric combination locks on it, since turnover there was so high that he'd have to change keys about 6 times a month if it had a regular lock. Easier just to re-program the combination when someone quit/got fired/committed suicide etc.

So about every month or so the lock needed 4 new "AA" size batteries. The cheap ass would keep the battery package and have the secretary bring the dead ones back to Duane Reade scotch-taped into the pack and tell the clerk that they were dead when we bought them, etc. It worked every fucking time and was one of his big claims to fame. He said he learned that trick growing up in East New York, where he had a bunch of toy robots in the 1950s or whatever and always got free batteries by using that "trick."

He was very popular because his robots always ran full steam on fresh batteries, which were apparently very expensive back then. He was the talk of the town.

Here's another story: In NYC, when you settle an injury case for a minor under 18, the judge has to approve the settlement and review it's terms, etc. If the judge thinks its a shit deal, they can void the settlement and force you to trial. It's called an "Infant Compromise Order" and these appearances are very dicey, since so many PI firms are sleazy and try to inflate phantom "expenses" and other stuff to grab a few extra $$$ from the kiddies.

The judge sets up the bank account for the child directly, and NO ONE can touch a dime of the loot without court order once deposited. Esp. not the parents, who would of course piss it away in 5 minutes if given the chance.

So I roll into this Infant Comp hearing in the Bronx one day and find the clients ( a 9 year old kid) and his dad sitting on the bench outside the courtroom. Dad is a real gang-banger- gold tooth, gang tatts, scars, etc. He greeted me by saying "Where the fuck is Mister X?" (my boss).

I told him I worked for Mr. X and was there to cover the appearance and explain the settlement terms to him. This was a "heavy" case (in PI lingo anything worth north of 100 K is called a "heavy case" fyi.) The kid had lead poisoning from eating the flakes & stuff like potato chips in whatever housing project they called home. Anything over a 10 is a high lead reading, this kid had a 64 and had suffered permanent brain damage and learning disabilities, etc. The settlement was around 450 K, so the kid would take home 300 K after our fee.

So the dad says "Did you bring my check" and I told him "that's not how it works, the judge puts the money in a bank account until the kid turns 18."

Oh boy was this guy pissed. I forgot to mention he had an Escalade brochure in his hand and apparently planned a visit to the Cadilliac dealership right after court. He said he needed a car to drive the kid to day care, and how he was going to explain all of that to the judge. I told him it was highly unlikely that the judge would let him buy a luxury SUV with his kid's brain damage money, but this guy wanted no part of listening. He already had put his headphones back on.

There was no way I could let this settlement get voided. You see, in Shitlaw every single thing that ever goes wrong is all YOUR fault. There is also absolutely no training whatsoever, it is "sink or swim" from day one. Questions are not encouraged, since these guys have to spend every working minute scrounging for and signing up new cases, and settling old ones. Asking questions is a quick way to get canned, I saw it happen to about a dozen guys in the year and a half I worked there.

Thank God it turned out this guy wasn't even the kid's real father or guardian. The judge's clerk asked for his ID before the hearing and, seeing a different last name, asked a few questions. Turns out he was the mom's current boyfriend and she sent him over there to pick up the check. He started getting loud and all, so the bailiff came over and they bounced outta there real quick. I told the clerk to re-calendar the thing and we'd try to track down the mother for the next appearance.

So back at the office I get screamed at for not "following up" and getting the mom into court. I told him that I only learned of the appearance yesterday and was in deposition until 5 pm and had left a message on their machine, etc. He said next time to use "Sherlock." That's another funny story.

You see, it's very hard to keep tabs on injury clients, since many are in gangs, homeless, moving around public housing etc. When you finally get a fucking settlement, the work has only just begun because you then have to track these losers down and have them sign the release. So we used this shady "private eye" named Sherlock who was a former NY cop who I think did some jail time in the 80s. Sherlock's trick was to put word out "on the street" that the client had won millions in cash and had to show up at the courthouse at 9 am to have the claim form notarized. It was a great trick to get them in there, but not much fun when you have to explain that in fact they're getting 9 K for a herniated disc from their fender-bender.

Oh, those were the days. BTW don't go getting all excited about signing up lead paint cases. That horse long ago limped off to the glue factory. You see, almost ALL the NYC lead cases were against an insurance carrier named Firemen's Fund, who insured all the public housing in NYC and a lot of ghetto private properties. Some genius left the lead paint policy exclusion out of almost every policy written in 2000-2001, so it started a shitlaw feeding frenzy once word got out. My boss scored millions on this shit by having doorknob-hanger ads made up and hung from every crackhouse & hovel in NYC. Some lawyers were even having runners scrape lead paint off abandoned buildings and dumping it in people's apartments so they could cash out if the kid's lead levels were marginal (even marginal cases could get you 25 K or so nusiance value).

Those cases are now mostly all gone/settled. ALL the new policies have lead paint exclusions, so even if the kid is pouring skim milk on a bowl of lead paint flakes each morning, you ain't getting a dime.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278438)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 9:31 AM
Author: ebony trip church

Recycling exhibit tabs from opposition motions is hardly unique to shitlaw. Its good for the environment. Think of the trees.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20953690)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 5:17 PM
Author: razzmatazz faggotry

"You see, it's very hard to keep tabs on injury clients, since many are in gangs, homeless, moving around public housing etc. When you finally get a fucking settlement, the work has only just begun because you then have to track these losers down and have them sign the release. So we used this shady "private eye" named Sherlock who was a former NY cop who I think did some jail time in the 80s. Sherlock's trick was to put word out "on the street" that the client had won millions in cash and had to show up at the courthouse at 9 am to have the claim form notarized. It was a great trick to get them in there, but not much fun when you have to explain that in fact they're getting 9 K for a herniated disc from their fender-bender."

fucking LOL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20955801)



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Date: July 2nd, 2013 11:56 PM
Author: ebony trip church

It actually is hard as fuck to get poors to sign a closing statement since they think the closing statement is you trying to fuck them. Some think its the perfect time to threaten you with a fee dispute. Its comedy.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23528025)



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Date: October 20th, 2018 12:41 PM
Author: vigorous bright meetinghouse alpha

Yes.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37061684)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:30 PM
Author: zombie-like electric furnace

Another shitlaw legend was the infamous Gary Tsirelmen, king of NY No-Fault practice. Gary was an MD who went to law school later in life, as he probably got tired of referring his cases to other shitlawyers for a kickback when he could snooze thru a gutter TTT, take the bar, and start hogging it all for himself.

He was a real character and used to ride a little Vespa scooter to court. He wore one of those turtle-shell helmets from WWII, & didn't take it off until he got into the courtroom. He got in some deep shit a while back:

http://nycoveragecounsel.blogspot.com/2 ... on-of.html

Gary's problem is that besides being a crook, he was just a major league asshole. If you had a motion against him he'd come up to you and put his hand on your shoulder and say "You're going to lose this motion- let me tell you why." His breath smelt like a hot dumpster too. He also never gave adjournments or extensions, or any courtesy whatsoever. Everyone was thrilled when he finally got "de-medicalized" or whatever you call it when a doctor is thrown out of practice.

I forgot to mention that Civil Kings in Brooklyn is perhaps the filthiest, most decrepit courthouse in America. It's a virtual beehive of shitlaw: this is where landlord/tenant cases are heard, as well as small claims, collections, and no-fault auto cases. Half the litigants there are crackheads who haven't bathed in weeks, and you have to "run the gauntlet" thru the hallways b/c if you have a suit on, all the landlord/tenant deadbeats beg you for free advice and like grab hold of your sleeves and shit. Once I was sitting on the bench nursing a hangover & this old lady kept telling me how much she liked me necktie, and how her son needed a suit for job interviews, so I took it off and gave it to her. It was from Century 21 anyway so no biggie.

The only good part about No-Fault was John, the calendar clerk. He was a semi-retired court officer with a huge mustache and an old-school NY attitude, kinda looked like Dennis Franz from NYPD Blue. Rather than a holster, he kept a huge .357 magnum tucked in the waistband of his trousers. It was all rusty from where his ass like sweated against it. Understand that this "courtroom" is kinda similar to a YMCA locker room: the half-drunk, hungover shitlawyers are washing up in the water fountain, putting on deodorant in the hallway, cleaning puke off their ties/shoes, etc. It's very loud because everyone is basically an asshole and it's so crowded you have to scream the name of your case to find your adversary. John didn't take a lot of shit, so when it got REALLY loud he's bang a stapler inside a metal trash can and say "next motherfucker who opens his mouth is getting a night in jail." I encourage all Brooklyn 0 L's to go check out King's Civil first thing Monday morning- it's at 141 Livingston Street a couple blocks from the school. 'Bozo and NYLS losers should get the "10 cent tour" as well. Hell, I'll lead it. It could be like those "scared straight" programs where teenagers visit Rikers to get on the beam.

It's kinda what you always pictured courtrooms in Rwanada are probably like. There's also a set of fire stairs next to the bathroom that have an outdoor landing where everyone smokes. You could get cancer just standing out there for a few minutes. The bench where the judge is supposed to sit is covered with 88,000 tons of cut n' pasted shitmotions and old milk crates, etc, so he/she sits in a little card table in an alcove in the back. The "courtroom" proper would be too loud to do business in anyway, since everyone is "negotiating" their cases while waiting to get called back to argue these turds.

Sadly, John the calendar clerk did get eventually get throat cancer. Each week his voice got raspier and raspier, and he was hocking up blood while out smoking with the gang. He never said anything, but we all knew what was up. He hung on as calendar clerk until all he could do was rasp and pound his fist on the table, and smash his stapler when he got pissed, which was pretty much all the time. He finally died and went to that big shit-court in the sky. RIP John. (He always got a kick out of all my bitching, and once told a gang of shitlawyers that if we ever form a union, I should be shop steward). I believe he smoked Winstons.

Another funny guy in King's Civil is on the 3rd floor, which is the trial selection part. I don't know what his title is, but he calls calendar every day. He's apparently a stroke victim and slurs his speech like an old drunk, which isn't helpful when you're trying to listen for your shitcase (there's only about 350 cases a day in this part). He's like "thurst thase isth Shara Thodthriguez," you know, all unintelligible and shit. I called him "Mumbles McGee." He smells like cat litter.

There's also a flagrantly gay judge who I won't name that's pretty hilarious. When you argue your losing cut n' paste shit-motion in front of him he gets all fruity and says "Counsellor, this is a beautiful argument but my hands are tied- there's nothing little ole' judge X can do. I have to answer to that big old appellate division." While he says this he gets all limp-wristed and emotional like Richard Simmons when some old lardass tells him she dropped 300 lbs.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278443)



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Date: July 2nd, 2013 11:51 PM
Author: ebony trip church

There was a JHO at Kings Civil who really was a stroke victim and did slur his speech. He was like 100 5 years back when I covered some shit there. No clue if he is still alive or working there, but I was amazed they'd keep him around. JHO's are the shit court equivalent of magistrates so he wasnt exactly calling calendars so much as forcing stips on shitlawyers.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23527984)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:31 PM
Author: zombie-like electric furnace

Understand that when I was applying to law school 10 years ago, it was a very different world. There were no "scamblogs", no TLS, no JDUnderground, and very little online discussion of law school admissions in general. Hell, I still had dial-up internet in 2001. There was nowhere close to the amount of discussion/information available back then. Applicants were much more "in the dark" than today.

Smoke was still rising from the 9/11 site, and the economy was not esp. bright in 2001 even before that. It was a heavy admissions cycle in 2001-02, since there was a mini-recession then too and people thought law school might be a good way to wait it out. I did.

Tuition, while still outrageous, was MUCH lower than today. What I paid "sticker" is what that same school costs today with nearly a 75% ride. I made the mistake of assuming that jobs starting at 75 K+ were pretty standard, and if you really did well you could start at 125 K (which is what Biglaw NYC paid back then).

Besides, I grew up in the NJ/NYC area. All of my friends and family are here, so I never really considered Nebraska or the Midwest. Call me crazy, but it didn't seem esp. outrageous to think that a 2nd tier JD might actually lead to a stable job with reasonable pay.

Bottom line is it just didn't work out. I did reasonably well (3.1 GPA at graduation), and actually had a 3.4 after first year. Had one OCI interview with a large NJ firm, but no callback. Even back then, you really needed Top 10-15% to get a "real" job, and I was about top 23%.

Just not quite good enough, thanks to one "C" in Property. Funny to think how different my entire life would've turned out based on that one lousy exam. That one lousy grade flushed my entire future down the toilet. I was very close to dropping out right before 2 L classes started, and boy do I wish I'd done so. The worst part of all is having all your non-lawyer friends & family assume you're a loser because you don't make big $$$ or even have a job. All they know of law is what they see on TV, and assume there's something wrong with you when you drive a shit car and make no $$$. I avoid all family gatherings if possible since it's too embarrassing to discuss my non-existent "career" and listen to advice from these baby-boomer assholes about "networking" and "looking into government work." They just don't fucking get it.

It sucks too thinking back on all the studying, the weekends in the library, the miserable summer leading up to the bar'zam: it's a LOT of goddamned work and aggravation, and to think it was all for naught is at times almost suicidally depressing. Worst of all is that my parents co-signed, and now my deliquent loans are trashing their credit and they're getting calls from Aunt Sallie Mae and Access Group looking for $$$ since I've used up all deferments and forebearances, etc. and plenty of penalties to boot. So I got to ruin their lives with this mistake as well- they're collateral damage in my lawschool bloodbath. I can't even imagine how disappointed they must feel. I can't even afford the $375 in dues for NY and the $270 for NJ (plus another $399 for CLE), so at this point I'm not even technically eligible to practice (and of course the state bars have no provision for hardship cases- they probably want to "cull the herd" anyway.

Anyway, me & the mrs. are packing our bags of late and hope to be living abroad by the end of the year. I've had my fill of Sallie Mae and will enjoy not having my bank accounts frozen and living like a slave. I've wasted too much of life already pushing stacks of dead-end shitpaper around and putting up with the bullshit of this industry. Fuck IBR and all these programs, I am not paying one more dime to these thugs.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278451)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 5:34 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

Remember in the "glory days" of doc review how many coders harbored the starry-eyed pipedream of one day "going solo?" Hell, some even passed out business cards on the projects for their little shitlaw "side practices", most of which were nothing more than a stack of flimsy Vista-Print business cards and a mail-drop address. In the restrooms and hallways of Biglaw, many a coder's cell phone hummed with $750 real-estate closings and other sad, bottom-feeding crap, hoping to supplement the pathetic $35 an hour shitrate with some real "lawyering" on the side. With doc review now all but gone, many may now attempt "the plunge" into solo practice full-time. It's understandable. For most former NYC coders the options are few and far between: boiler room craigslist "firms" paying south of 40 K, moving to Cleveland for $20 an hour, or simply committing suicide. One can't really blame these poor souls for the harboring the delusion of self-employment. But.....

Fact is, with 100 K+ of student loan debt, the typical "shingle hanger" will be hung out to dry.

Skadden Farts aka Law is 4 Losers

Going "solo, eh? Have your checked your local Yellow Pages lately? Just count the number of attorneys begging for rinky-dink auto accident, DWI, and divorce/wills/ general shitlaw crap. Then tack on even more lawyers who don't (or can't afford to) advertise in the yellow pages. Then, for areas like personal injury, count the number of television commercials on daytime TV from the "national" feeder/referral PI firms like Jacoby and Meyers et al.

See what I'm getting at? The saturation level is staggering; really beyond comprehension. Scratching out a living in solo shitlaw is like selling saltwater on a lifeboat: people are already surrounded (literally drowning in)an endless supply of a totally worthless commodity: SHITLAW LAWYERS!

Come on, how many DWI's are there in a given suburban county/town? Read the local paper's police blotter. In a whole week maybe 15-20 (a few more on holiday weekends like 4th of July etc).

How many of the 15 or 20 DWI victims have even $2500 to pay a lawyer (and that's the low end of the scale for DWI)? Many are unemployed for Christ's sake and that's why they're drinking! Any of the higher-class types probably already know a lawyer from their peer group or will Google something like "NJ DWI LAW" and get the "mills" that can spend enough for a high Google bump. With 150 K in debt from a shitlaw school and no experience to practice law anyway, why the fuck is anyone going to retain you in the first place? Even shitlaw areas are somewhat complicated and involve at least 98,357 pages of tedious hypertechnical make-work paper churning and hours of sitting in shit-court at 10 pm waiting to argue with a nasty part-time troll "judge" who himself is a nasty, balding loser and lords his Napoleon complex over the pathetic night-court riff raff to inflate his own sorry ego. "Your honor" my ass. That robe means as much as a kid's Halloween costume.

Same way with small-time criminal work. If a guy had $2500 to pay a defense lawyer, would he be robbing a 7/11 or prying someone's window open at 2 am to steal a DVD player he can pawn for $20 to score a bag of crack?

"Family" law? Pray tell! For every hedge-fund divorce there are tons of trailer-trash people who reek of kerosene and haven't a pot to piss in or window to throw it out of, much less money to pay a lawyer a retainer + hourly rate. Half these losers will just use legal aid or a form company like "We the People" and toast their newly-found freedom from Bubba the wife beater with a can of Keystone Light and some crystal meth. They didn't and won't need a worthless shitlaw "lawyer" to help with custody of their obnoxious maladjusted satan-children who will probably grow up and score a 136 on the LSAT and attend Cooley's night program, bringing "prestige" to their family when they earn $13 an hour on a doc review in Newark NJ in 2018!

Wills and estates? Ever heard of Legalzoom? They have the same shitlaw templates from your CLE books for ordinary (non-millionaire) folks to print out and take to a notary for $50. And at the rate of this meltdown no one's going to have much to leave anyone anyway. High-end estate & trust clients are all referred to their lawyer by an investment adviser. Any investment guy worth his salt already has a 92 year old gray-beard expert estate lawyer that he feeds all the referrals to. Good luck breaking into this niche area. Stockbrokers aren't sending their rich clients to a newly minted shitlawyer who doesn't understand the nuances of IRS Sub-Code 45-B(II)V with regard to bilateral spousal exemptions under revised footnote 567(b)9 of the 2005 semi-annual quantum stimulus updates.

And even doing a proletarian's shit-will you still have to meet the losers and make nice for an hour, then hire a moron to type up the needed shitpaper (or waste an hour cutting and pasting it yourself), then have 'em come back AGAIN and explain idiotic legalese shit like "per stirpes" and then find witnesses, etc while also pretending you actually did something worth paying for. A huge headache and hassle to make $200 or whatever shitlaw wills go for in your town.

Or you could try the nightmarish (and all but totally dead now) field of residential real estate closings. Have fun filling out 75,357 pages HUD-1 forms and other pointless God-awful dreck, balancing trust accounts, cutting 18,253 different checks, dealing with scumbag title agencies, and having people bicker for hours over a $15 broken light switch at 1 am the night before closing. All so you can get a FLAT FEE of $750 for 73 hours of grunt work while a bimbo realtor w/ a GED and big tits walks away w/ a 5 grand commission and laughs in your face.

See kids, you can't charge more than "market rate" in your area for shitlaw. People do price shop (esp. in real estate closings- these people often use a lawyer referred by the realtor who wants someone cheap so that the deal goes thru). No realtor is going to recommend an expensive shitlaw closing lawyer because any $$$ to the lawyer is more chance the deal might break apart. Even very good real estate lawyers admit the practice area is decimated. Lawyers in the 1970s and 1980s used to get a percentage of the sale price as a fee for a typical closing. Now the rate is $750 flat no matter how long it takes. That's law. You make practice more and more miserable and complicated, while simultaneously reducing lawyer pay to sub-poverty levels. Layers and layers of added shitpaper for a smaller pile of dough. Welcome to Law 2009! In inflation-adjusted dollars (hell, even in "raw" dollars) most shitlaw lawyers are doing exponentially worse than their counterparts of 20 or 30 years ago were. This trend cannot improve and indeed will get worse as the ABA accredits more schools and shameless liars like Pat Hobbs fill diploma mills like Seton Hall to the rafters with over-leveraged liberal arts losers.

Personal injury was for years the main revenue source for most "shitlaw" lawyers. A "wild card" of sorts. Those days are gone. Time was, every shitlaw lawyers could count on at least an auto case or two a month. Back then (1920 to about 2001)soft tissue auto cases used to settle pre-suit for 15-20 K. Now they settle for ZERO thanks to tough "threshold" laws. And even decent cases (like broken bones and surgeries)are harder and harder to get money on quickly, because insurance companies have lost billions in bad investments and tightened the screws on pay-outs across the board. Insurance defense "lawyers" are so cheap thanks to the oversupply that its easy to fight off the plaintiffs until they give up. And many have given up.

Check craigslist in your area under "Legal Services" and you'll see scores of lawyers "outbidding" each other to do the cheapest DWI or traffic ticket or real estate closing or whatever. Its a fact of life.

As the economy continues its meltdown, less and less "ordinary folks" will have the dough to pay even cheap lawyers.

Fact is, almost no newbie solo will be able to generate the volume of business needed to sustain a living. The numbers just don't work. Deduct paying your own health insurance (300+ a month), office rent, self-employment tax, malpractice insurance, etc. You have to get a relatively steady flow of PAYING clients just to break even, much less profit.

There is no way any rational person can "spin" a TTT law degree into a good investment, or any kind of investment period. It is a costly & worthless albatross that will be worth less tomorrow than today as the morbid oversupply of lawyers continues unabated and, sadly, accelerates. There is no way from here but down.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20278483)



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Date: March 23rd, 2012 7:03 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20279143)



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Date: March 28th, 2012 10:03 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20327226)



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Date: March 31st, 2012 8:33 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20357286)



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Date: March 31st, 2012 10:23 PM
Author: Swollen cream community account reading party



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20357629)



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Date: April 29th, 2012 11:34 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20578199)



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Date: April 29th, 2012 11:35 PM
Author: Bateful disrespectful home queen of the night

Was Skadden Farts=Partner Emeritus ever confirmed?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20578212)



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Date: April 30th, 2012 12:10 AM
Author: Bateful disrespectful home queen of the night

Didn't he have another rant that was circulating for awhile? It ended with "Decisions, decisions"?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20578593)



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Date: May 24th, 2012 10:15 PM
Author: Bateful disrespectful home queen of the night

In a couple short weeks, a new wave of hapless lemmings will crack open the shrinkwrap on those heinously overpriced casebooks, boot up their laptops for some heated note-taking, and commence their voyage down the road of America’s most overrated, miserable, and saturated industry: the practice of law. A pompous, overpaid professor will saunter in and begin blathering and bullying them about some obscure case, reveling in her power like a college calculus student picking on the 4th grade arithmetic class. So begins another bumper crop in this endless harvest of shame.

Remember those days? The boundless excitement at joining an “elite” profession, envisioning oneself captivating jurors with soaring oratory and seating “surprise’ witnesses like Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird? Or maybe flexing those legal muscles as a powerful DA a la Jack McCoy, cruising around crime scenes and picking up spent shell casings with a pencil tip? Sending rapists and murdering scum up the river and then meeting “the boys” for a well-earned victory beer before firing up the Ferrari to head home?

Sadly, for most incoming One L’s that isn’t how this dreadful mistake will play out, despite propaganda to the contrary in those glossy admissions brochures. Instead, most will cold-send bales of resumes into a dead chasm of silence, eventually scrounging for document review temp-work at rates lower than a truck driver, bricklayer, or garbage man earns. Or there’s the “networking” farce, where you print reams of resumes on that creamy, ivory cotton-weave Staples resume paper and shove them in the face of every gray-haired loser at an alumni cocktail reception. I attended one of these once, and the first older-looking guy on the scene was gang-rushed and sent to the hospital as a horde of recent grads bum-rushed him with an avalanche of cover letters! I believe he was pronounced dead shortly thereafter, having choked on a peel-and-eat shrimp during the melee. I later learned he wasn’t even a lawyer, but instead a catering director merely there to inspect the buffet. Such are the risks one runs when overseeing events for desperate law school grads. Just posting a craigslist ad for an entry-level lawyer is like strolling into Ethiopia with a box of Dunkin’ Dounuts and saying: “Hey, anyone here got the munchies?”

In NYC as I write, the rates for most temp projects are $28 an hour straight time for admitted attorneys, with no health benefits, no paid leave, and zero opportunity for advancement. Packed elbow to elbow in stifling broom closets and windowless backrooms, these “losers” (many of whom are laid-off graduates of so-called “elite” schools) stare into the alkaline glow of their monitors and click thru reams of the dullest, driest, most pointless shitpaper mankind has ever produced. Many arrive home at night with their eyes weeping blood. The fun quickly wears off after the twelfth hour of scanning a Global Broker-Dealer Bilateral Sub-Agreement to see if Paragraph 14(b)9vii contains the word “if” as opposed to “shall.” Picking fly shit out of black pepper would be a more intellectually stimulating (and probably better paying) job.

Juvenile and petty rules, often arbitrarily applied, dominate these projects. Internet access is strictly forbidden, with most case managers disabling the web browsers. Cell phone use and textingare limited to emergencies only. Of late, even talking to one’s neighbor is taboo, since clients are getting more cost-conscious and every second of billable time is haggled over and hard fought. The desks are littered with rotting Chinese take-out containers, festering cups of day old instant coffee, Ramen noodle styrofoams, and the other sundry cuisines of the dirt-poor.

Most law grads are little more than over-leveraged liberal arts losers, who compounded the mistake of a worthless bachelor’s degree withan equally worthless (and much more expensive) JD. Often paying half (or more) of their after-tax income in student loans, I’ve witnessed the utter desperation and hopelessness that many are suffering: single moms stealing milk from the coffee fridge to take home for their children, working 80 to 90 hours a week when bone-tired to make the rent on a shithole studio in Queens, enduring endless degradation and abuse by the sociopathic, greed-fueled scum who operate these modern day sweatshops, and the occasional outburst of pent-up anger that ends in security escorting one off the property. The project’s over- for you! Quickly replaced, there is an endless supply of desperately indebted losers just dying to take these miserable jobs, since no alternatives exist.

Hell, even craigslist ads for paralegals and secretaries are now expressly stating “No JD’s need apply.” Gee whiz, Wally, why would a lawyer apply for a paralegal job? Here’s a hint: how many nurse or paramedic ads do you see that state “no licensed physicians please?” How many stewardess jobs warn “no pilots need apply?” The AMA and other legitimate professions are experts on the iron laws of supply and demand, and regulate their professions accordingly.

Bad as they are, these temp jobs (even with the recent plunge in rates and overtime) still pay far better than small ambulance-chaser firms, many of whom have cut salaries into the low 30s (annually) in this gruesome bear market. The supply of lawyers outstrips the number of available jobs by an absurd ratio, and this problem continues unabated since the ABA will accredit anyone who opens up a lawschool in the spare bay of his garage. Did you hear about Philly’s new “Drexel School of Law?” What the hell is a “Drexel,” anyway? Wasn’t he the younger brother of Screech on Saved by the Bell? And then there’s the infamous Thomas M. Cooley Law School in Michigan, who received accreditation for having more “O’s” in their name than any existing law school. But I digress.

At Paul Weiss, for example, they crammed 120 people into a basement room that NYC fire code rated for 80. This was in 2005. Like steerage passengers on the Titanic, we labored in the bowels of the building, right alongside the boilers and HVAC equipment. Lacking air conditioning and adequate ventilation, many came down with colds that went untreated due to the lack of health insurance. A cockroach problem soon erupted due to the crumbs and food garbage strewn about the cellar floor, which was treated with multiple Raid roach fogger bombs. The morning after the exterminators finished, dead roaches littered our keyboards and even crawled, stunted but still living, from the floppy drives and servers!

We were paid $21 an hour, straight time, and required to work from 9 am to 11 pm seven days a week. Forbidden to use the firm’s lavish upstairs restrooms, they had all 120 of us split a pair of airplane sized-bathrooms that were on the Concourse level under the Rock Center, open to the public and a favorite bathing spot for the homeless. One affable homeless chap named “Bones” would use the lone toilet in there as a foot bidet, rinsing his diabetic ulcer in the excrement-caked shitpot and yelling “I’m in here motherfucker!”every time one of us coders needed to relieve himself. Most of us just went next door and used the Heartland Brewery’s bathroom (did I mention that restroom breaks of over six minutes had to be deducted from one’s timesheet? As a coder, bowel movements can quickly cut into the bottom line).

Paul Weiss also blocked the fire exits with box upon box of the corporate shit-paper that arrived daily by the truckload like grist to a mill. Had a fire broken out, we would no doubt have burned to death in a modern day Triangle Shirtwaist incident, engulfed in flames while helplessly beating on box-blocked doorways. To work there was to truly feel expendable, utterly worthless and really just downright sub-human. The partners should all be ashamed of themselves.

As an aside, the few partners we met were decidedly unimpressive. An assortment of combed-over, potbellied schmucks and used-up old broads with skin like an alligator’s neck, they’d occasionally summon us coders upstairs for an ass-reaming. The “gals” were mostly snarling old chain smokers; voices like sandpaper of a single-digit grit. Nicotine oozed from their iron-gray hair. The men were milquetoast and gutless, too socially inept for sales and clearly too stupid for a serious profession like medicine. Most probably never spoke to a woman without first forking over their credit card number (did I mention Eliot Spitzer once worked here? Enough said). Hence they masqueraded as “elitists” in the also-ran world of make-work paper pushing that is law. One used-up old partner who looked like that guy from Jake & the Fatman once read to us verbatim for 3.5 hours straight from the training manual, probably assuming that as second-tier grads we were all functionally illiterate. His breath smelled like hot garbage.

To be sure, there were some good times down in the gulag. Romances bloomed, and occasionally one would enter the box-stacks to find sweaty limbs tangled in flagrante delicto. Working 14 hour days, it wasn’t long before many donned the “coder goggles” and began to pile-fuck people they wouldn’t havemade eyes with in the outside world. There were also some fascinating characters who this temp will never forget. One coder whom I’ll call “J”. soon earned the affectionate nickname “fade out.” A 40-something Yale Law grad, he had apparently suffered some kind of nervous breakdown at another Biglaw shop, and shortly found himself broke, blacklisted, and eternally condemned to the doc review circuit with the rest of us losers. He was eccentrically intelligent, speaking in bizarre philosopher jive like Jack Kerouac coming off a hard bender on acid. He’d launch into some long-winded dissertation and then, realizing that his audience (as it were) had long since departed, would simply mumble “right, right, that’s right” while nodding incoherently and returning to face his monitor. Hence the nickname “fade out:” like a song without a proper ending, he wound down as if an engineer simply lowered his volume until he’d exhausted his supply of words. This would happen like 20 times a day. I often wondered whatever became of the poor bastard. The last time we spoke he was washing his tube socks in the break-room sink and saying that “Big Cotton” was solely responsible for the assassination of JFK.

The next stop on my vagabond coding career was Sullivan & Cromwell, that whitest of the white shoe firms. This dump has three levels of sunless, underground bunkers where the temp attorneys and their documents are warehoused, far away from the skyline corner offices where the serious shitpaper gets pushed. It’s like those alternative communities of urban legend that one reads about online: the subway’s “mole people” and such. You are instructed by your temp agency pimp to meet in the lobby of 125 Broad Street at 9 am sharp, where you assemble as a group to be marched upstairs and “processed” like that busload of inmates from The Shawshank Redemption. Told to dress in a “suit and tie” for the first day, they soon march you downstairs to the dungeon where the “coders for life” toil in pajamas and sweatpants, chanting “new fish, fresh fish, we got new fish today” at the suit –clad newbies who are starting the first day of the rest of their lives. Many start openly weeping into their spiffy leather Perry Ellis portfolios, some even freshly monogrammed as recent law school graduation gifts. Many start bleating mindlessly for the mothers, returning to an infantile state as the overwhelming sadness and abject disappointment slowly seeps in. As I said, welcome ye to the first day of the rest of your life!

It’s not too bad there, after you get “on the beam,” as they say in prison. Sullivan is to disorganization, chaos, and complete systemic dysfunction what Elvis was to rock n’ roll: the original master. It’s a bit like that old Cold War joke: An American and a Russian are killed together and both go to Hell. The devil greets them fiendishly and says “Gentlemen, you have two choices. You can either go to American hell or Russian hell.” Curious, the American asks the Devil what the difference is. “In American hell,” says the Devil “you have to eat one shovel full of shit each day.”

“What about the Russian hell?,’ queries the Russian in his thick accent.. The Devil replies, “Comrade, in the Russian hell you have to eat two shovelfuls of shit each day.”

The American naturally chooses the American hell; yet tellingly, the Russian opts for the Russian hell. Two years later, they cross paths and begin sharing their experiences in eternal damnation.

“Comrade, you really screwed up big-time,” says the American. “In my hell I eat my shovel of shit first thing each morning, and do whatever I want to the rest of the day.” Satisfied, he gloats and scoffs at the hapless Ruskie, who replies: “My dear friend, it is you who choose poorly. In our Russian hell, half the time there’s no shovel, and the other half the time there’s no shit!”

So goes a document review project at Sullivan. Due to their colossal ineptitude, complete lack of common sense, and probably outright billing fraud, squads of coders arrive for the mandatory 14 hour “workdays” only to be kept idly waiting for hour upon endless hour as documents are loaded, clarifications are sought, software is configured, the moon rises in Taurus and Capricorn descends into autumn, etc. It’s rare to squeeze more than 45 minutes of actual coding time into a 14 hour day. Not knowing the Sullivan drill, many newbie coders turn down Sullivan gigs because the long mandatory hours rightly terrify them. But us veterans know the old “Clownshop” (as the temps call it) all too well. The waiting coders nap, play cards, vandalize the workstations and so on while waiting for documents and instructions that rarely arrive. Some even operate wire fraud scams and lotteries on the S&C computers, thus “double dipping” and making real bank. A cool Nigerian coder even once used the break-room hot plate to cook us all an authentic African ox-tail stew, which ended with a dessert course provided by raiding the partner’s pantry freezer and ripping off a case of ice-cream sandwiches that were meant for some lame Merrill Lynch client meeting or whatever.

Of course, the clients are billed regardless, since firms of this caliber are as immune to the ethics rules as Typhoid Mary was to disease. It’s always some solo ambulance chaser who ends up disbarred for screwing up a $1500 fender bender whiplash case, while Sullivan and the other white-shoe thieves rip off Fortune 500 client’s cash by the wheelbarrow load with time-wasting make-work and pointless re-reviews of the same irrelevant documents. A few weeks at this place really removes any doubt about what the “practice of law” has devolved into circa 2009: a soulless, money-grubbing scam that is socially toxic, utterly pointless, and rife with insecurity and adolescent pettiness. Did I mention that licensed attorneys below the associate level are not even referred to as “attorneys” by the insecure dolts who run this glorified sewer? The sub-associate level lawyers are called “case analysts” and are essentially perma-temps, installed to babysit the coders and squeal on them like the “straw bosses” of 19thcentury coal mines. Chosen more for their ass-kissing and willingness to rat out slackers than any legal ability, some of these folks are notorious on temp message boards, like the dreaded geek “Clovester” and well-fed “Big Mama.” Keep an eye out for them. Another SullCromscam is to fill the temp ranks with minority lawyers, thus tooting the “diversity” trumpet and looking good on paper to their corporate, hand-wringing whore-masters. Naturally, the partner-level ranks are as white as a wedding dress soaked in Clorox.

The true gutter “temps” pimped there by the staffing agencies are officially called “JD Temporary Document Coders” and you are warned at S&C’s orientation that it’s strictly forbidden to list the firm’s name on your resume. Instead, you must write only the name of your pimp-daddy temp agency and the term “Temporary JD Document Coder” even if you’re admitted to the New York State Bar. Name, rank and coder number! God forbid some hapless future shitlaw employer would mistakenly think that a Tier 2 grad was actually an “associate” at the Sullivan & Cromwell! The horror!

Our corporate “laws” are written by almost exclusively by ex-Biglaw partners, and purposely “drafted” as byzantine, ungrammatical, ill-considered and generally downright incomprehensible as possible, hence maximizing Biglaw billable hours. It’s a bit like a dentist handing out saltwater taffy and boxes of Bubble-Yum to drum up root canal business. (By the way, I’ve always loved the pompous word “drafted” when referring to legal cut n’ paste shitpaper, as if this stilted dreck was akin to naval architecture or some other worthwhile feat of engineering). If the oafish dolts at the NY Times and other media whores saw the true breadth and depth of the Biglaw farce the way the coders do, barrels of ink would be spilled writing about it and “blowing the whistle.” New York’s also-ran diploma mills like Brooklyn, Cardozo (called Car-Bozo by employers), Pace, St. John’s, Hofstra, Touro, and the infamous New York Law School (whose motto is a chagrined “no, we’re not NYU”), are essentially fathering a new breed of white-collar underclass: heavily indebted, sporadically employed, poorly paid, bereft of health insurance and stuck in dead-end temp jobs that pay lower hourly rates (after student loans are deducted from salary) than many unskilled day laborers earn. These “schools” charge Lamborghini prices for a clapped-out Yugo with 4 flat tires and sawdust in the gearbox. Talk about cash for clunkers! When you push these “jalopy” JD’s into the traffic of this employment market, be prepared to get run off the road.

Ah, how I tire. Age. Do we die all at once, or a little each day? The clock creeps all too slowly on these temp projects, though. Crawls. It’s sometimes as if time itself were submerged underwater, with minutes dragging on for days as if mired in quicksand. After all, we’re doomed to tedious and mindless make-work akin to Sisyphus of yore rolling his boulder up the perpetual hill. The terminally ill, I’ve often argued, could easily add “phantom” years to their doomed lives just by showing up on a document review gig, where an hour of “coding time” equals approximately four decades in the “outside world.” A three-week project would to them equal a virtual second life.

Of course, it’s pointless to point this unvarnished state of affairs out to the bright eyed lemmings who in two weeks will be enthralled by Pierson v. Post (that old fox-chase chestnut), and the other antiquated dreck that constitute the overpriced, pseudo-intellectual farce that is American law school. On a forum called Top Law Schools there are children entering Cardozo’s class of 2012 and already trying to decide whether to go right into Skadden Arps or stop off at a Second Circuit clerkship first! Decisions, decisions!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20761498)



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Date: May 24th, 2012 10:23 PM
Author: pearl multi-colored ladyboy

this is amazingly well-written.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20761592)



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Date: June 26th, 2012 4:35 PM
Author: Diverse Honey-headed Azn

This is JDU genius

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20962799)



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Date: June 26th, 2012 4:35 PM
Author: razzmatazz faggotry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20962803)



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Date: April 17th, 2013 12:55 AM
Author: Odious unholy trailer park prole

"Paul Weiss also blocked the fire exits with box upon box of the corporate shit-paper that arrived daily by the truckload like grist to a mill. Had a fire broken out, we would no doubt have burned to death in a modern day Triangle Shirtwaist incident, engulfed in flames while helplessly beating on box-blocked doorways. "

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23013706)



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Date: May 24th, 2012 10:10 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20761457)



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Date: May 24th, 2012 10:15 PM
Author: Bateful disrespectful home queen of the night

For those unfamiliar with no-fault practice, a brief primer: It’s the legal equivalent of stamping license plates in a prison metalshop, only at lower wages and more authoritarian working conditions. In NY State, a driver’s own insurance company pays medical expenses and lost wages regardless of accident fault. This moronic idea, hatched by “policy” wonks in the NY legislature, naturally resulted in systemic and wholesale disaster. To wit:

Mobsters get two junkyard cars, register & insure them, and then recruit homeless dudes and illegal immigrants to stage minor accidents. The police are summoned, an accident report prepared, and the scammers then begin “treating” at bogus outer-borough medical mills operated by the crime syndicate. The insurance carrier is then billed for the phony “treatments” plus a truckload of phantom medical supplies like canes, neck braces, massage units, and so on. NY even allows billing for quack “medicine” like aromatherapy, acupuncture and other witch-doctor nonsense.

Like the Lilliputians in Gulliver’s Travels, these parasites teamed up to hamstring the insurance carriers. Remember kids: a cloud of mosquitoes tops a tiger’s death toll any day. The rules & caselaw all favor this infectious swamp of scammers, and billions have been stolen from NY drivers as a result of this ongoing heist. Shady collections law firms “buy” collections files from the clinics at 50 cents on the dollar, file Summary Judgment motions, and then just wait for the case to come up on calendar. For every victory, the medical mill gets an additional cash kickback. The byzantine rules and massive deluge of cases (150+ a day in Brooklyn alone) make it death by a thousand cuts for the carriers, who simply raise rates rather than pay a living wage for the cases to be properly litigated.

That doesn’t stop the occasional IDH (Insurance Defense Hero) from slipping thru now and then. All veterans of ShitLaw know the type. These barristers make up for their abysmal salaries in bare-knuckle belligerence and “fighting the good fight.” Unlike the usual hung-over, half-asleep J.C. Penney clad schlubs of ShitLaw, the IDH struts into court like Clint Eastwood entering a saloon. For their 40 K a year they’d take a bullet for Geico or Allstate, and take it with pride. Every case is like “High Noon.” One almost expects an IDH to come flying into depositions wearing tights and a Superman cape. We’ve often thought of pitching this character as an action-hero cartoon. Just imagine:

“Slower on the LSAT than a lobotomy victim, more powerless than a day-old fart, able to cut n’ paste huge motions with a single click- what’s that flying into court?

It’s a BIRD-it’s a PLANE- no, it’s the INSURANCE DEFENDER !”

Hell, we’d watch it. So would you.

Today it’s not uncommon for no-fault associates (or what’s left of them) to earn as little as 25 K a year, with turnover measured in hours opposed to months. After just 6 weeks at my first no-fault gig, I’d already risen 7 seniority notches on the letterhead. But wait: this “firm” gets even funnier:

Too stingy to buy motion-exhibit tabs, they’d instead have us cannibalize incoming papers for their office-supply content.

“Just pry apart the Velotex binding and yank the fuckers out”, said the partner. He even had a custom-bent screwdriver designed just for that purpose. We associates swapped these exhibit tabs like inmates trade smokes. An “Exhibit A” and other high-alphabet letters were always in short supply, whereas a “Q” was common as cabbage. Whenever someone quit we’d quickly plunder his desk to “stock up” on these much-needed supplies. One nasty, rodent-like guy who’d lasted 10 months had a real motherlode: eight “A’s” and eleven “B’s” stashed in his drawer. Or should I say “under his drawer.” Well hidden-the prick. For what motion he was saving them I have no idea. We called him “the squirrel.”

This dump also printed us our own cheesy business cards on that perforated cardstock you can buy at Staples. For laughs I’d bring the whole sheet into court and just rip them off as needed, like a dispenser. Once I gave this hot Wilson Elser chick a whole uncut page of them, but she never called me.

Sadly, my once-rising star was an elevator to nowhere. Insurance defense work is so boilerplate and mindless that many firms “dump” experienced associates once a certain salary threshold is reached (roughly 60-65 K). Five year’s experience isn’t worth much more than five minutes, and it’s simply more cost effective to “keep the line moving” with freshly minted suckers from Car’Bozo, Brooklyn, NYLS and other gutter schools than pay experienced associates a living wage. Now that Bangalore & Co. are handling all the paper-churning, these insurance “firms” can simply troll craigslist for per-diem clowns to show up in court and bicker over the cases for as little as $25 a file. Like the Joads in The Grapes of Wrath, these migrant barristers wander the court system like fruit pickers.

The work was beyond mindless. Like the A-Team, if you’ve seen one episode, you’ve seen ‘em all. The characters changed while the script stayed the same. Day after day, year after year, squads of TTT grads trekked off to court, got yelled at/berated by court personnel, and limped back to the office to cut n’ paste the next day’s sad mountain of paperwork together. “Lateral” options from this practice area included can & bottle scrounging, panhandling on the 7 train, or becoming assistant fry cook at Burger King.

Note that the above is written in past tense, akin to a eulogy. Miserable yes, but these insurance-mill jobs (along with serfdom in Biglaw’s doc review gulags) were essentially the only option then available to scores of non-elite grads. Now it’s all over but the singing. With tuition at laughable NYC law schools now creeping toward 50 K a year, we sincerely wonder when the TTT’s Ponzi scheme will finally & fully collapse. How many student loans need go underwater before the suicidal insanity of this “education” sinks in? How many more schools will the ABA accredit, how many stadiums will bear Thomas Cooley’s name? How many more overpriced sabbaticals will Karen Rothenberg “not” take (oops, wrong post.)

What’s left of NYC doc review (which is very, very little) now pays rates as low as $25 an hour, sans overtime. Just read Tom the Temp’s blog. And even these crap-jobs now demand 2+ years of electronic discovery experience. With many Top 14’ers getting gut-punched by Biglaw, the situation will grow exponentially worse from Fordham’s underbelly on down thru the lower intestines of Brooklyn, ‘Bozo, and NYLS. Look for a logjam of these grads to start piling up as outsourcing clogs the sewers they once travelled.

Along these lines, we leave you with an old NJ joke (we’re Seton Hall grads, after all):

“Trenton, flush your toilets- Philly needs the water.”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20761505)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 25th, 2012 9:23 AM
Author: ebony trip church

Since 2008 NF/PIP work has gone away too. Changes in the case law make it more practical to arbitrate these files again and about 60% of the cases head right to arbitration where they are bulk settled. A lot is still litigated by the big plaintiff's firms who can afford to wait 4!!! years (that's how long it really takes) for a file to pay out, but the smaller collections operations can't afford to wait that long and choose to arbitrate.

The cattle call NF parts are half as busy as they were in 2008-09 when this was written. You need 1/5th as many lawyers with arbitration.

On the bright side since Perl v. Meher there is some new life on the "serious injury" side of car accident law. Plaintiffs have at least some chance of overcoming threshold in soft tissue cases so while the doom and gloom is warranted its not exactly Auschwitz out there.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20953687)



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Date: May 24th, 2012 10:16 PM
Author: Swollen cream community account reading party

You see, Sullivan used to kick the coders $15 a day for food if you worked/billed more than 11 hours in a day. We'd usually head over to White Horse Tavern and just drink up the money (they had $2 McSorleys) and usually someone like Holbs would bring coke and everyone would do a bump or two, then head back to Sullivan with a nice buzz and fart around in the basement until like 2 am telling "chuck norris facts" to each other and maybe coding a document here and there. "Chill and bill" was the name of the game. Sullivan was like an ATM Machine for TTT grads to loaf around at, and you could easily make 3K or more a week if you wanted to sit there until 2 am every night.

In retrospect these guys had no idea how good they had it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20761508)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 4:41 AM
Author: curious brindle main people institution

Going "solo, eh? Have your checked your local Yellow Pages lately? Just count the number of attorneys begging for rinky-dink auto accident, DWI, and divorce/wills/ general shitlaw crap. Then tack on even more lawyers who don't (or can't afford to) advertise in the yellow pages. Then, for areas like personal injury, count the number of television commercials on daytime TV from the "national" feeder/referral PI firms like Jacoby and Meyers et al.

See what I'm getting at? The saturation level is staggering; really beyond comprehension. Scratching out a living in solo shitlaw is like selling saltwater on a lifeboat: people are already surrounded (literally drowning in)an endless supply of a totally worthless commodity: SHITLAW LAWYERS!

Come on, how many DWI's are there in a given suburban county/town? Read the local paper's police blotter. In a whole week maybe 15-20 (a few more on holiday weekends like 4th of July etc).

How many of the 15 or 20 DWI victims have even $2500 to pay a lawyer (and that's the low end of the scale for DWI)? Many are unemployed for Christ's sake and that's why they're drinking! Any of the higher-class types probably already know a lawyer from their peer group or will Google something like "NJ DWI LAW" and get the "mills" that can spend enough for a high Google bump. With 150 K in debt from a shitlaw school and no experience to practice law anyway, why the fuck is anyone going to retain you in the first place? Even shitlaw areas are somewhat complicated and involve at least 98,357 pages of tedious hypertechnical make-work paper churning and hours of sitting in shit-court at 10 pm waiting to argue with a nasty part-time troll "judge" who himself is a nasty, balding loser and lords his Napoleon complex over the pathetic night-court riff raff to inflate his own sorry ego. "Your honor" my ass. That robe means as much as a kid's Halloween costume.

Same way with small-time criminal work. If a guy had $2500 to pay a defense lawyer, would he be robbing a 7/11 or prying someone's window open at 2 am to steal a DVD player he can pawn for $20 to score a bag of crack?

"Family" law? Pray tell! For every hedge-fund divorce there are tons of trailer-trash people who reek of kerosene and haven't a pot to piss in or window to throw it out of, much less money to pay a lawyer a retainer + hourly rate. Half these losers will just use legal aid or a form company like "We the People" and toast their newly-found freedom from Bubba the wife beater with a can of Keystone Light and some crystal meth. They didn't and won't need a worthless shitlaw "lawyer" to help with custody of their obnoxious maladjusted satan-children who will probably grow up and score a 136 on the LSAT and attend Cooley's night program, bringing "prestige" to their family when they earn $13 an hour on a doc review in Newark NJ in 2018!

Wills and estates? Ever heard of Legalzoom? They have the same shitlaw templates from your CLE books for ordinary (non-millionaire) folks to print out and take to a notary for $50. And at the rate of this meltdown no one's going to have much to leave anyone anyway. High-end estate & trust clients are all referred to their lawyer by an investment adviser. Any investment guy worth his salt already has a 92 year old gray-beard expert estate lawyer that he feeds all the referrals to. Good luck breaking into this niche area. Stockbrokers aren't sending their rich clients to a newly minted shitlawyer who doesn't understand the nuances of IRS Sub-Code 45-B(II)V with regard to bilateral spousal exemptions under revised footnote 567(b)9 of the 2005 semi-annual quantum stimulus updates.

And even doing a proletarian's shit-will you still have to meet the losers and make nice for an hour, then hire a moron to type up the needed shitpaper (or waste an hour cutting and pasting it yourself), then have 'em come back AGAIN and explain idiotic legalese shit like "per stirpes" and then find witnesses, etc while also pretending you actually did something worth paying for. A huge headache and hassle to make $200 or whatever shitlaw wills go for in your town.

Or you could try the nightmarish (and all but totally dead now) field of residential real estate closings. Have fun filling out 75,357 pages HUD-1 forms and other pointless God-awful dreck, balancing trust accounts, cutting 18,253 different checks, dealing with scumbag title agencies, and having people bicker for hours over a $15 broken light switch at 1 am the night before closing. All so you can get a FLAT FEE of $750 for 73 hours of grunt work while a bimbo realtor w/ a GED and big tits walks away w/ a 5 grand commission and laughs in your face.

See kids, you can't charge more than "market rate" in your area for shitlaw. People do price shop (esp. in real estate closings- these people often use a lawyer referred by the realtor who wants someone cheap so that the deal goes thru). No realtor is going to recommend an expensive shitlaw closing lawyer because any $$$ to the lawyer is more chance the deal might break apart. Even very good real estate lawyers admit the practice area is decimated. Lawyers in the 1970s and 1980s used to get a percentage of the sale price as a fee for a typical closing. Now the rate is $750 flat no matter how long it takes. That's law. You make practice more and more miserable and complicated, while simultaneously reducing lawyer pay to sub-poverty levels. Layers and layers of added shitpaper for a smaller pile of dough. Welcome to Law 2009! In inflation-adjusted dollars (hell, even in "raw" dollars) most shitlaw lawyers are doing exponentially worse than their counterparts of 20 or 30 years ago were. This trend cannot improve and indeed will get worse as the ABA accredits more schools and shameless liars like Pat Hobbs fill diploma mills like Seton Hall to the rafters with over-leveraged liberal arts losers.

Personal injury was for years the main revenue source for most "shitlaw" lawyers. A "wild card" of sorts. Those days are gone. Time was, every shitlaw lawyers could count on at least an auto case or two a month. Back then (1920 to about 2001)soft tissue auto cases used to settle pre-suit for 15-20 K. Now they settle for ZERO thanks to tough "threshold" laws. And even decent cases (like broken bones and surgeries)are harder and harder to get money on quickly, because insurance companies have lost billions in bad investments and tightened the screws on pay-outs across the board. Insurance defense "lawyers" are so cheap thanks to the oversupply that its easy to fight off the plaintiffs until they give up. And many have given up.

Check craigslist in your area under "Legal Services" and you'll see scores of lawyers "outbidding" each other to do the cheapest DWI or traffic ticket or real estate closing or whatever. Its a fact of life.

As the economy continues its meltdown, less and less "ordinary folks" will have the dough to pay even cheap lawyers.

Fact is, almost no newbie solo will be able to generate the volume of business needed to sustain a living. The numbers just don't work. Deduct paying your own health insurance (300+ a month), office rent, self-employment tax, malpractice insurance, etc. You have to get a relatively steady flow of PAYING clients just to break even, much less profit.

There is no way any rational person can "spin" a TTT law degree into a good investment, or any kind of investment period. It is a costly & worthless albatross that will be worth less tomorrow than today as the morbid oversupply of lawyers continues unabated and, sadly, accelerates. There is no way from here but down.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20953549)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 25th, 2012 7:48 AM
Author: deranged fat ankles university

Legendary thread

None of the faggots here can compare to his posts

Theyre begging for a movie deal

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20953622)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 7th, 2014 10:15 PM
Author: greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#26476265)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 10:16 AM
Author: tripping judgmental hospital becky

most of these are repeats but i didnt remember this one:

Here's a funny story- this one really preppy dude "Pat" from a good school has once been an in-house counsel at some large company, etc. Somehow he "washed out" and ended up down in the SullCrom cellar with the rest of us TTT losers. So one night at like 1 am this associate came down and asked if anyone was willing to go upstairs and vaccum/clean up the large conference room. Some geek partners from SullCroms London office were on their way from JFK for some zero-hour deal and the big conf. room was a mess from some reception earlier in the evening. All the cleaning crew were gone for the night, so it fell to the coders to go up there and clean the mess. So me & Pat volunteered and went up there and cleaned up all this dried-up food, empty glasses, papers, and other rubbish. It was pretty funny to think back on my law school days, hoping to have a nice career and actually amount to something in life. Instead I'm on the 30th floor of SullCrom at 1 am cleaning up garbage like a janitor. If you can't laugh about it, you'll quickly end up committing suicide. It kinda sucks having no idea when your project will end, if you'll get another one quickly, what to do if you get sick (as i said, no health ins. for temps), plus all the student loans and having to pay your own CLE and bar dues, etc. Plus you do boring, miserable dead-end work for hour upon endless hour with no hope of promotion, advancement, or positive career development.

brutal.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20953761)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 12:00 PM
Author: underhanded menage

180. this needs to be featured as a series in RS or something.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20954171)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 12:18 PM
Author: ocher newt feces

holy shit reading this made me want to die

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20954241)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 25th, 2012 12:48 PM
Author: ocher newt feces



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20954367)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 12:49 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution

he's the poet of the festering toilet

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20954373)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 25th, 2012 12:55 PM
Author: ocher newt feces

is this real life for doc review

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20954380)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 25th, 2012 12:57 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution

I wouldn't know, but this dude did doc review for years and his stories are so detailed I think they're prob a good representation of the life

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20954388)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 1:01 PM
Author: ocher newt feces

god damn it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20954404)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 1:04 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution

why, is this in your future?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20954413)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 1:06 PM
Author: ocher newt feces

there but for fortune

but idk thinking about LS and crushing debt makes me not want to go but then a masochistic streak in me says fuck it and to not care about the debt, but if i wind up flushed out of a jerb and having to do this shit or be TMF, i think i'd rather die or just move to asia bro

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20954419)



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Date: June 26th, 2012 10:59 PM
Author: Snowy site

dont worry - none of it happened. fucking poorly executed fagflame

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20965114)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 1:11 PM
Author: glittery angry orchestra pit

would buy the ebook

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20954430)



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Date: August 12th, 2013 3:56 PM
Author: pearly house-broken round eye liquid oxygen



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23825474)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 5:10 PM
Author: crimson sneaky criminal

how many of these are true?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20955749)



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Date: June 26th, 2012 4:41 PM
Author: Diverse Honey-headed Azn

All of them

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20962854)



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Date: October 21st, 2018 11:08 PM
Author: federal light ceo bawdyhouse

"The piss feet, the cockroaches, it's real, all of it"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37069900)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 5:15 PM
Author: razzmatazz faggotry

I have nothing to do with the law, but I'd buy a book written by this guy about this shit.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20955784)



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Date: June 25th, 2012 5:40 PM
Author: glassy boyish chapel

Just not quite good enough, thanks to one "C" in Property. Funny to think how different my entire life would've turned out based on that one lousy exam. That one lousy grade flushed my entire future down the toilet. I was very close to dropping out right before 2 L classes started, and boy do I wish I'd done so. The worst part of all is having all your non-lawyer friends & family assume you're a loser because you don't make big $$$ or even have a job. All they know of law is what they see on TV, and assume there's something wrong with you when you drive a shit car and make no $$$. I avoid all family gatherings if possible since it's too embarrassing to discuss my non-existent "career" and listen to advice from these baby-boomer assholes about "networking" and "looking into government work." They just don't fucking get it.

It sucks too thinking back on all the studying, the weekends in the library, the miserable summer leading up to the bar'zam: it's a LOT of goddamned work and aggravation, and to think it was all for naught is at times almost suicidally depressing. Worst of all is that my parents co-signed, and now my deliquent loans are trashing their credit and they're getting calls from Aunt Sallie Mae and Access Group looking for $$$ since I've used up all deferments and forebearances, etc. and plenty of penalties to boot. So I got to ruin their lives with this mistake as well- they're collateral damage in my lawschool bloodbath. I can't even imagine how disappointed they must feel. I can't even afford the $375 in dues for NY and the $270 for NJ (plus another $399 for CLE), so at this point I'm not even technically eligible to practice (and of course the state bars have no provision for hardship cases- they probably want to "cull the herd" anyway.

Anyway, me & the mrs. are packing our bags of late and hope to be living abroad by the end of the year. I've had my fill of Sallie Mae and will enjoy not having my bank accounts frozen and living like a slave. I've wasted too much of life already pushing stacks of dead-end shitpaper around and putting up with the bullshit of this industry. Fuck IBR and all these programs, I am not paying one more dime to these thugs.

-------

jesus

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20955919)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 13th, 2014 5:23 PM
Author: Umber goyim



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#25554752)



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Date: June 26th, 2012 4:54 PM
Author: Crawly offensive genital piercing

What I don't get is how a dude who writes like that cannot manage to get into atleast a T14 10 years ago. Even with a 2.XX UG GPA, you would have only needed like a 170 tops to get into G-Town or Cornell.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20962924)



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Date: June 26th, 2012 6:23 PM
Author: 180 French Volcanic Crater Internal Respiration

Maybe not. I was 2.67/178 and scraped into a single lower t14 off the wait list about 10 years ago. And without some serious networking with prep school connections, I'm pretty sure even that one t14 wouldn't have happened.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20963428)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 26th, 2012 6:35 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution

with all due respect, this sounds like bullshit. You got a 178 on the LSAT and could only get into 1 T14? Doesn't make any sense.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20963490)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 26th, 2012 6:41 PM
Author: razzmatazz faggotry

With a 2.67 gpa?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20963521)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 26th, 2012 6:45 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution

178 is so far above everyone's 75th percentile (today, let alone 10 years ago) that I just find it hard to believe that he couldn't land more than one T14. Maybe it was different ten years ago and they looked at splitters differently but I doubt it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#20963546)



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Date: July 3rd, 2013 12:34 AM
Author: metal sanctuary half-breed

Jesus. This is me.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23528531)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 14th, 2012 3:02 AM
Author: curious brindle main people institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#21083327)



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Date: October 19th, 2012 12:55 AM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#21827158)



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Date: February 18th, 2013 4:46 PM
Author: exhilarant nubile mental disorder



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#22662196)



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Date: March 1st, 2013 7:49 PM
Author: plum sinister center patrolman



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#22737304)



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Date: March 2nd, 2013 7:46 PM
Author: plum sinister center patrolman



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#22742676)



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Date: March 2nd, 2013 7:55 PM
Author: Learning Disabled Salmon Quadroon Kitchen

Tucker max of doc review (i.e., most of this did not happen, other than perhaps working doc review)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#22742738)



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Date: April 17th, 2013 12:00 AM
Author: Cordovan piazza goal in life



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23013153)



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Date: April 17th, 2013 12:03 AM
Author: greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman

one of the most gifted motherfuckers out there. hope he got a book contract.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23013183)



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Date: April 17th, 2013 12:12 AM
Author: Cordovan piazza goal in life



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23013248)



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Date: April 17th, 2013 1:03 AM
Author: Odious unholy trailer park prole

I reread this thread beginning to end every time it gets bumped

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23013770)



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Date: April 17th, 2013 1:06 AM
Author: greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23013801)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 17th, 2013 1:45 PM
Author: embarrassed to the bone station



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23015837)



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Date: April 17th, 2013 12:24 PM
Author: Violent affirmative action

anymore to post?

loving these

I used to think shitlaw was hyperbole, gotdamn

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23015355)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 2nd, 2013 11:14 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23527554)



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Date: July 2nd, 2013 11:47 PM
Author: ebony trip church

"Or you could try the nightmarish (and all but totally dead now) field of residential real estate closings. Have fun filling out 75,357 pages HUD-1 forms and other pointless God-awful dreck, balancing trust accounts, cutting 18,253 different checks, dealing with scumbag title agencies, and having people bicker for hours over a $15 broken light switch at 1 am the night before closing. All so you can get a FLAT FEE of $750 for 73 hours of grunt work while a bimbo realtor w/ a GED and big tits walks away w/ a 5 grand commission and laughs in your face."

Sooooo on the money. Bank attorney gets $950 flat. Only thing that makes it worth it is the volume. 15-20 files a month and you can coast on nothing else, but man do you have to suck the dick of mortgage brokers to get the work.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23527936)



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Date: July 3rd, 2013 12:00 AM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

I know this isn't all of them; if you know of more stories from SK post them. Specifically there is one I remember that references doc reviewers leaving shoe prints as if they were sitting on something high off the floor and fake running up the walls.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#23528076)



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Date: September 21st, 2016 8:33 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

Greetings,

The talk above about how K lawyers suck ass and fuck themselves is true. I had dinner with a partner at the biggest law firm here in town, and she told me that when they're looking for associates, they would be completely willing to consider people who'd worked for them on K basis with no "ding" for being a K lawyer.

BUT (big BUT she said) most K lawyers fuck themselves by acting like little kids. She said she couldn't tell you the number of times they'd found out their K were doing stupid shit. One time they checked out where the K attys were and the fucking room had shoeprints like FIVE FEET OFF THE GROUND ON THE WALL, lights had been busted out, found out they were throwing frisbees, etc.

So yeah, most K attorneys I think say "fuck the world" and that attitude really fucks them even more.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1695190&forum_id=2#18438313)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#31462942)



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Date: October 3rd, 2013 8:39 AM
Author: curious brindle main people institution

Exactly. For example, at the shitlaw personal injury firm I worked at, you are sent to court the very first day of work with no guidance or instruction whatsoever. Sure it was only a preliminary conference and a motion that stipped out, but understand that no one has the time or inclination for hand holding & formal training in shitlaw. You're just thrown to the wolves & it's sink or swim.

At this shitlaw office the partners were very macho and viewed asking questions as a sign of weakness/incompetence. The trial partner even told me he "doesn't like being asked a million questions" and mocking shit like "are you suckling babies gonna come in here every 5 minutes and say "Mr. Partner, my pen ran out of ink- should I get a new one?" He said "learn by doing."

I was stuck in front of the notorious NY County Judge Ira Gammerman (known as Get 'Em Picked Gammerman" one day and a case we wanted to adjourn of course wasn't. I called the office to say I'd be gone all afternoon as we were slated for jury selection at 1 pm. I kinda hinted at like "er, what do I do?" but the partner just said "OK well start picking then" and that was that.

So I had to "wing" it, and actually did OK. My adversary was a nice guy and actually gave me some tips (he was from NYC Law Dept and could've given a shit less about this loser case). That was a good thing, as I had no idea how many preemptory challenges I had, or how to use them, or really how to do anything. I was only admitted to the bar a few weeks earlier and had done nothing before this gig but doc review.

Of course a day or two to learn the law and prepare would be nice, but that's a luxury you won't have in shitlaw. Like McDonald's, they make $$$ on volume and there just isn't any time to properly prepare or work up a file. You just have to wing it and hope for the best, and get whatever $$$ you can before moving on to the next case.

Given the above, try and find a shitlaw place that will let you shadow some lawyers in shitcourt and spend as much time at the office as possible and "learn the ropes" before bar admission. It really will help a lot getting that first personal injury, landlord tenant, or other shitlaw gig. This is a far better use of your time & effort than writing on to Sports Law Journal or some other joke law review wanna-be rag and studying the 2 L bullshit, which is 10 X more boring than first year. Treat your shitlaw internship like a full time job and avoid even going to class or studying altogether. It's almost impossible to get lower than a C- in any lawschool class, even if you don't study at all. There were 2 and 3 L classes where I literally never went to a single class and couldn't pick the prof. out of a lineup. Just pick up some study ads and cram the night before, toss in some buzzwords, take your C- and say fuck it.

I was downright incredoulous to see 2 and 3 L friends who struck out at OCI still studying balls and outlining like it was first semester of One L. These fools just didn't get it that the contest was over, and no matter how many times they checked their ticket, they didn't have the winning numbers. For shitlaw no one ever asks about grades or where you went to school, because most shitlaw "lawyers" are businessmen first and foremost. They spend 100% of their time networking with runners, designing ads, and hustling for files. They're smart enough to know that the "law" is a joke and can be cut n' pasted by any mouth-breathing monkey. There is no research and absolutley no original writing- every single pleading and motion is pure cut n' paste.

In the extremely rare event that a shitlaw case is worth appealing, the savvy shitlawyer farms it out to a per diem (usually a single mom type or retiree who works from home), gives them the file, and a few hundred bucks later gets it dropped off and filed. There is no time whatsoever for associates to do this type of work, since you're in court every morning & at depositions every afternoon. Shitlaw (esp personal injury work) is a real grind, and exhausting with all the running around etc.

My typical day was getting up at 8 am, shower & suit up, get on subway to court in Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, or Manhattan around 9:15 to 9:30, then running to the 5 or 6 different courtrooms where we had motions or conferences scheduled. You find your case on the calendar outside the courtroom, circle the plaintiff's name, and write your cell # over it so your adversary will know that you are somewhere else and can adjourn it if you can't make it on time or call you to see when you'll be down. Everything is heard on a first-come, first served basis. This isn't "court" like on TV, it's a tiny room with 50 to 100 people reading newspapers, yakking on the phone, talking about last nights Mets game, etc. Most shitlaw motions and conferences are heard by clerks who sit at little card tables. The judge usually never leaves their office- if something is really important you have to ask to see them and get called back there, which can take a loooong time. They are usually very pissed off when things can't be settled or worked out and they have to get involved, so best not to make a habit of bothering them with nonsense.

Usually court wraps up around 11 to 12 noon. Then a quick lunch and off to one of the stenographer offices at Diamond Reporting, Veri-Text, Dietz, or the other shithole broom closets for a deposition. You have to spend at least 1/2 hour prepping the client and getting them ready to answer questions, tell how things happened, etc. Usually they don't speak English so you have to call the office and have secretary interpet via phone while you prep (can't use court interpeter b/c it breaks a/c privilege). Also these "preps" (wink wink) often skirt the boundaries of.... well, let's not go there.

Understand that when you meet the client is the first time you've even heard of their case- as I said, there's no time for preparation or file review or anything like that. You meet them there at the reporter's office, they tell you the story, and then it's off to the races. At most you'll have a copy of the complaint but that's about it.

These depositions are sheer torture, with idiotic questions like "what part of your left foot first came into contact with the puddle of urine you slipped on" and "were you wearing flip-flops or Roman Sandals", shit like that. Then all their medical treatment and aches and pains, etc. Usually the clients fuck up the story since most of them are complete retards, and often they get that "retard anger" after half hour or so and start making threats and calling your adversary a "motherfucker" and just rant that "my shit fucking hurts asshole and I want big money for dis" and so on. Pretty much a complete circus.

Usually after a few cigarettes you limp back to the office by 4 pm, just in time for "calendar meeting" where you get the next day's assignments and scratch together whatever shitpaper documents you need for court. If there's time you make a few phone calls and try to settle some turd cases that the partner left on your desk with a huge "S-ASAP" written in sharpie, which means settle this crap ASAP over the phone for whatever you can get, since it's not worth going the $250 to file a complaint on. Usually you can get $500 or even $750 on these depending on how shitty they are. One we had that was really funny was a homeless lady who walked on foot up to the Wendy's drive-thru window and tripped while getting her food. She got a few bruises and Wendy's forked over $800 bucks to make it go away (they are self-insured so they really don't fight any but the really big claims).

HTH

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#24161006)



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Date: October 3rd, 2013 8:40 AM
Author: curious brindle main people institution

New York Law School was founded in an abandoned warehouse in Lower Manhattan circa 1997 to serve the emerging field of temporary document review, also known as “contract attorney” work or “coding.”

Recently the school earned the ABA’s first-ever CDRTC designation- Certified Doc Review Training Center. In conjunction with the NALP (National Association of Lawyer Placement), the ABA conducted a “straw poll” of schools with, as outgoing ABA president Carolyn Lamm put it, “special emphasis on supplying heavily indebted, supplicant individuals who will work 19 hour days performing Biglaw’s electronic discovery.” NYLS topped the poll by a wide margin, sending as many as 84% of its graduates directly from law school into temporary contract work at AmLaw 100 firms. The term “salary” was subsequently eliminated from the school’s employment metric in US News, as over 90% of NYLS grads are paid hourly wages without health insurance or any semblance of job security. Rates range anywhere from $14 an hour for entry level, all the way to $32 an hour for those with exotic foreign language skills such as Flemish, or fluency in those weird clicking noises made by African tribesmen.

To celebrate this nascent distinction, Dean Richard “Tricky Dick” Matasar recently sold the law school’s facilities on Worth Street and relocated the institution to a formerly abandoned underground parking garage. Luckily for NYLS, several late 1990s grads had been “squatting” in the facility long enough for the school to color an adverse possession claim and take legal title to the garage.

“We felt the lack of sunlight and severe temperature fluctuations added an additional layer of preparation for document review,” Dean Matasar was quoted as saying. “As doc review typically takes place “off site” in broom closets, basements, furnace rooms and such, we felt this move provides an excellent ‘in the trenches’ experience for our students.”

NYLS has long been at the forefront of electronic discovery education. In 2009, the school took a radical step and eliminated the traditional first-year curriculum of torts, civil procedure, contracts and property, replacing them with doc-review software platform training. To pay for this conversion, the school rasied tution to an eye-popping $45,000 a year. A first-year at NYLS can now look forward to being trained in Summation, Concordance, Ringtail, and other Citrix-based review software. The legal writing program was replaced with a course on inexpensive take-out food menus and “99 cent store nutrition,” both important study areas for future Biglaw temps.

In a move that rocked the legal world, NYLS recently began awarding food-stamp applications in lieu of diplomas. In addition, the school offers “affordable” CLE classes on important document review topics such as suicide methods, food bank shopping, constructing tent shelters, and maps/direction to free clinics and soup kitchens.

“We want our young doc reviewers well-equipped to survive in the NYC area on $21 an hour, Matasar said from his plush office at Access Group, a predatory loan-shark operation with collection powers a Mafia don could only dream of. Matasar serves as Chairman of this “organization,’ which supplies a bottomless pit of high-interest, non-dischargeable private loans to NYLS students.

The school’s name is an interesting story in itself. For those grads who desired employment outside the NYC area, it was imperative that a name be chosen that might hoodwink non-NYC employers into thinking it was a more prestigious, well-regarded facility as opposed to a mere “diploma mill.” Several possibilities were floated, among them the “Larry M. Cardozo School of Law,” the “Columbine Law School,’ and the simple “Forham,” which merely deleted a crucial consonant.

Ultimately, “New York Law School” won the day, as it offered the maximum amount of bogus “prestige,” and the school’s downtown Manhattan location further bolstered the ruse, as does the “encouraged” resume abbreviation “NY Law School.”

The role of Indian outsourcing in doc review doesn’t worry NYLS, as its grads work so cheaply that “sending work offshore really makes no economic sense,” said Matasar. “Just yesterday, we posted an ad for an unpaid doc-review internship and had to call NYPD for crowd control assistance,” the dean said. He added that the school encourages local Biglaw firms to offer rock-bottom doc review wages to recent grads, as “the added interest and penalties due to our student’s loan defaults are good for Access Group, and what’s good for Access Group is even better for my wallet.”

Recently, the school also launched an LLM concentration in Insurance Defense & Personal Injury Law. This one-of-a-kind program prepares students for the abject disappointment of earning less money than Allstate claims adjusters, most of whom have at best a high school diploma. Other topics include Cut n’ Paste motion practice, begging for adjournments, and how to juggle 600+ files a week while moonlighting as a stripper

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#24161007)



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Date: September 22nd, 2016 1:09 PM
Author: Jet shrine



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#31467304)



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Date: January 18th, 2017 11:15 PM
Author: bossy titillating milk



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#32403726)



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Date: October 3rd, 2013 9:54 AM
Author: exhilarant nubile mental disorder

Forget the "same class and year" stuff- there are doc reviewers in their 40s and 50s making $25 an hour in these dungeons. Lawyers with experience you wouldn't believe: solos who once ran their own lucrative practices, former partners at small firms that split up, ex DA and public defenders, etc. The idea that everyone on doc review is a 2.0 GPA type from a Cooley/NYLS type TTT school is absurd, and I hope none of you have to learn this the hard way.

For example, a good buddy of mine from a project once was a partner in a small personal injury firm. Back when these cases were easier to settle, he made as much as 200 K a year. But the carriers started cracking down and making every case into a dogfight, revenue slowly dried up, and eventually they had to close up shop. He tried getting into insurance defense, but those jobs pay so poorly (45 K a year is not unusual, even for people with experience) that he had nowhere else to turn but the doc review dungeons.

Another gal I know was a NJ assistant DA who was let go in the budget cuts. She tried for months to get a job in private practice criminal defense, but sadly those jobs pay even worse than doc review (she was offered 25 K plus a 50/50 split of cases she brought in) by one DWI defense mill, and that was her only offer. Very few shitlawyers can make a living in crim. defense since 95%+ of all criminals just get the public defender.

I had to stop doing doc review largely because seeing (and working in) such an utter & complete waste of human capital gets depressing to the point of suicide after a few years. Understand that in document review you are treated and reminded every working minute that you're a worthless, expendable loser due no courtesy, respect, or treated with any professionalism whatsoever. The firms and agencies will lie about hours, lie about pay rates, lie about project length, and provide you with working conditions so abysmal you'll dread getting up in the morning.

Understand that many doc review jobs get cancelled before they even happen: Skadden was/is notorious for this. They used to staff thru an agency called Clutch Group, and the pay was often above market.

But 9 of 10 times the projects would never happen. I suppose Skadden wanted to have the coders lined up while settlement talks were ongoing so they could "call the bluff" of their adversary and start discovery rolling along quickly if need be.

Back in 2007 I was strung along for 2 weeks waiting on a gig to start: first it was Monday, then Wednesday, then Thursday, then the following Monday, then BAM: the case settled= no project period. So all that time wasted sending resumes, filling out conflict forms, and worst of all turning down other projects in the interim: all for naught. Do you know what it's like to have rent/student loans due and turn down 2 other projects while waiting for Skadden, then find out the rug was pulled out from under you? Then you have to start scouring craigslist all over again and calling all the other agencies begging them to put you on the fist gig that comes in.

Also after you do doc review awhile you start getting "conflicted out" of projects. I conflicted out of nearly every pharma project in 2008-9 because I worked on the huge Seroquel case. So you're stuck either lying to get on the gig, or turning it down and being broke. Some choice, huh?

Here's a terrible story re: that Seroquel case: there were over 300 temps working 90 hour weeks on that gig for the first 3 months of 2008. Once the production date passed, the partner walked into the rooms on a Friday afternoon and said "nothing to worry about, we're now going to start reviewing docs for the state court claims. See you all on Monday morning- go home and have a great weekend. WE're getting out early today so the new docs can be loaded."

So everyone left, and most left their stuff (books, coffee mugs, MP3 players, etc) at their workstations, since we were expressly told to be back at work Monday.

Two hours later the calls starting coming from the agency. "Sorry, but there's been a new development in the case and we're sorry to inform you you've been rolled off this project." They kept only 60 people out of 300.

I was one of those kept aboard. When I came in that Monday, almost all the workstations were getting packed up/dismantled by the tech guys, and the room was completely rearranged.

Here's the worst part: all of the personal items that the fired people had left behind were tossed into one huge pile in front of the downstairs security desk. It looked like those scenes in a prison movie where they "toss the cells." Just a huge heap of coats, sweatshirts, Ipods, coffee mugs, family photos, books/magazines, personal papers, cigarettes etc. It was liked the stuff was dumped from a dump truck: the pile was over 5 feet high. Most people had a good amount of stuff there since we'd been working 15+ hours a day for three months straight, including the weekends.

That day, most of my (former) co-workers trickled back in to claw thru this pile of shit and try to find the stuff they left behind. It was one of the saddest sites I've ever seen. As people plowed thru the stuff, everything was getting all stepped on and dirty. A lot of people wanted to come upstairs and say goodbye to friends etc, but security wouldn't let anyone past the front desk.

The reason the firms do it this way (i.e, lying to your face) is because they are paying the agencies a cut to do this dirty work for them. They're also afraid of people downloading viruses and such to the computers on the way out, and also of people begging them to be kept on the project, etc. It's a messy affair, so they just lie and let others do the dirty work for them.

These are the type of people you guys apparently aspire to work for. People who routinely treat others like expendable pieces of subhuman garbage, and furthermore do so on purpose. People who enjoy treating others like garbage. People who've let the thirst for money & ego override every aspect of life, to the point of essentially becoming a sociopath. People who are such chickenshit cowards that they can't even face people man to man, but have to hide behind lowlife staffing agencies to carry out their miserable directives.

I envy you guys because it's not too late for you. You can still back out and never have to experience this soul-crushing, overrated gutter of an industry. You can actually do something pleasant and productive with your lives, rather than squander your precious youth learning "Rule Against Perpetuities" puzzles and memorizing the "nuances" of UCC 2-207 and the other pointless makework that constitute the bulk of this rotten industry.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#24161119)



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Date: October 3rd, 2013 9:57 AM
Author: exhilarant nubile mental disorder

First off, the malpractice insurance is not that expensive for a newbie: I paid $1400 a year for a 250 K policy back in 2007/08 when I was a part-time solo (this was with a $2500 deductible).

But a problem with NJ is the "bona fide office" rule. You must have a physical location, and "virtual offices" from Regus are not allowed either. A trend the past few years has been to make going solo more difficult, as competition is so fierce and those already "making it" want to keep as many people out as possible.

Many solos get around "legal research fees" by paying current law students to use their student Lexis/Westlaw accounts to do research for like $15 an hour. Unethical? Sure. But even the cheapest Lexis plans are very, very expensive, and using the law library sucks because all the pro se folks hog the terminals pretty much all day. Last time I went to the local bar there were 20 people waiting to use the terminal on the sign-up sheet. It also has very limited access- nothing like what you get w/ a student account. You also have to pay 25 cents a page for printouts, and usually the toner is kicked or there's no paper, etc. It simply sucks.

Also remember you're paying your own bar dues and CLE fees, which is another $1000 a year total if you're admitted to two states, as I am.

Most important of all, however, is the simple lack of work. As the quoted poster above said, many are "overestimating the amount of solo work there is for the taking." Truer words were never spoken.

For starters, most clients with money who are middle-class & college educated will already know a lawyer from their peer group. Or if they don't, they will likely seek a lawyer by ASKING someone in their peer group for a recommendation. And likely the lawyer recommended will be an older, established attorney.

Advertising, in my experience, is basically worthless w/out a VERY deep budget- like five figures minimum. Hell, a yellow pages ad the size of a business card costs $2500 a year for my local NJ directory. And Google Adwords costs even more if you want a sponsored ad or to be in the first page of results. Reality is that for most shitlaw areas (Ch 7 BK, divorce, personal injury, wills/estates, criminal defense), you won't be able to come close. The big "mills" spend enough to get those spots, and w/out a huge war chest you won't be able to compete with them, period.

Ads also attract a lot of insane "tire kickers" who only want 6 or 7 hours of your time to listen to how aliens from Alpha Centuri landed on their roof last night and stole the copper flashing from their chimney, or how they can beat their DWI because they were taking Ny-Quil and it "adversely interacted" with the 16 beers they washed it down with, etc. About 75% of my ad responses were of this variety. It's also very hard to answer calls while doing temp jobs, because you can't speak on the phone while in the doc review room. Hell, if you're in the SullCrom or Paul Weiss cellars you get no cellular reception anyway, so it's kind of a moot point.

Even if a client does have a good case, getting paid is another huge headache. Few people in this economy have the $$$ for even a $2500 retainer, and be prepared to have every second of billing challenged and haggled over. All of this takes time, and as a solo time is a precious resource, and one that ends up wasted by the truckload with all the nonsense and aggrevation of bickering with your own clients.

Worst case scenario is filing a letter of rep with a court, then having the retainer check bounce. I made that mistake on my first DWI case, and the judge refused to let me out. I had to make 2 court appearances, neither of which the client showed up at, and had to pay $17 to notify client by Registered Mail of each appearance. I finally was allowed out after the 2nd no show, but had to send another $17 letter to the client with the judges order relieving me as counsel, then bring the proof of mailing to the court and pay another $20 to file same with the Court. So that one case lost me $71 in postage/costs, 4+ hours of waiting in court, and the 4 hours of temping at SullCrom I missed while waiting around in said court. So overall I probably lost about $500 on that deal. These "rookie mistakes" can quickly swamp a solo and put one out of business pretty quickly.

Don't think getting "court appointed" work is easy, either. In NYC you have to have 3 years exeperience, get 3 letters of rec from opposing cousnel you've gone up against, plus 3 judges you've argued a substantive motion or trials in front of, then send the whole sh-bang into the Committe and wait months to get approved. Even then, you get $60 an hour and hours for most matters are strictly capped. It's basically a "good ole boys" club, with a few old-timers hogging most of the work. My friend got approved over a year ago and has raked in a whopping $1300 so far from these cases.

I'd love to see the "Failure Rates" for solo attorneys, but I bet it's as high or higher than restaurants. The horrid economy combined with internet sites like LegalZoom and an absurdly oversaturated attorney market essentially make "going solo" a pipedream. Sure, there are a few who will make it, just as there are a few who can hit .300 in MLB or win the Powerball lottery. But just because some people do it doesn't mean most will be able to duplicate their success.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#24161125)



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Date: October 3rd, 2013 10:07 AM
Author: exhilarant nubile mental disorder

e used to scroll thru the McCarter associate bios while I was temping there, and most of these mouth breathers are from laughable garbage schools like Seton Hall/NYLS, and got hired because their Daddies work there or their Daddies are federal judges, CEOs, or other "grease" and nepotism. Or they're bottom of the classers from "real" law schools like NYU who got dinged by the NYC biglaw firms and had to ride the PATH out to NJ with their tail between their legs and take a gig at this ghetto-assed dump.

Their offices are also very outdated and borderline embarrassing for a "big" firm. They don't even have their own cafeteria. It's a 1970s era building and the associates share offices. There's one really fat partner who I used to ride the elevator with a lot- he always had a huge hoagie from Subway and mowed it right in the elevator, like something out of a comedy movie or whatever. The lawyers there also dress poorly and are mostly total slobs.

Here's a funny story: I was temping on the big Seroquel case there back in 2008. McCarter was apparently in major trouble before that case came in and the firm was in danger of splitting up. So they poached a partner from a "real" firm and she had a relative at Astra-Zeneca who gave McCarter the doc review portion of the litigation (all the "real" work like motions, objections, etc was done in NYC by I think White & Case- you couldn't trust the mouth-breathers at McCarter with anything important LOL). This broad apparently got a big cut of the action from bringing in that case- she was made instant partner and got a limo to work, etc. I saw her once and she was kinda hot in a cougar sort of way.

So McCarter (after landing the doc review) rented off-site space at the US Customs Building across from SH Law and fired up the project. 90% of the coders were SH or Rutgers grads- it was like a "New Joisey" class reunion! I got called on a Sunday and was hired over the phone - they said "just show up there 8 am Monday." Back then all you needed was bar admission and a pulse to get these gigs (pulse optional).

So anyway, after a couple months we got to a portion of the doc review where the European docs showed up: stuff was in Swedish, Danish, German, etc. So McCarter hired outside non-lawyer translators to read us the docs so we could decide if they were responsive or not. These translators were some real characters: there was a semi-blind old Japanese woman we called "Yoko Ono" and this incredibly good looking Danish underwear model named Lucas. I was assigned to work with Lucas and all the chicks were ga-ga jealous and asking me "what's he like" and "I'd bone him right here on this desk" and stuff like that.

Lucas, however, "played for the other team." He was always talking about his "partner" and their pad in Chelsea and stuff like that. He also told me that in Denmark an employer would be imprisoned for the kind of shit working conditions McCarter gave us. We literally worked in a converted janitor's closet- there was a "slop sink" in the corner and shelves full of trash bags, floor cleaner, etc. They made a desk for us by putting a 4X8 sheet of plywood on top of 2 sawhorses. We sat in metal folding chairs. You see, we had to be "sequestered" somewhere somewhat private since they had to read this shit to us out loud so we could code it.

I learned quite a bit of Danish from Lucas too. If I was gay I'd def. want a partner like him. He told me he turned gay b/c he got tired of sleeping with hot chicks after awhile because it came so easy for him. Seriously, this guy could walk into a bar and chicks would ditch Derek Jeter to hang w/ this dood. Kind of like when the Fonz walked into Arnold's.

So anyway, the translators were treated like VIPs compared to us shitlaw temps, since they spoke rare and "exotic" languages and were not very easily replaced. They also got paid a LOT more than us: they were getting 55-75 an hour, and none of them were even lawyers or JDs, just translators. They got car rides home (and the blind lady Yoko Ono even got led into the room by an associate each day b/c she could only see "sideways," apparently). My buddy Holbs had to work with her and she was always having him tilt the screen and rub her neck & stuff like that. She was from Kyoto originally and spoke like 10 other languages besides Japanese. She hardly got any work done because as I said she was pretty much blind, and also she wrote everyone's names in Japanese with those fancy paintbrush-type pens and made little cards & oragami for people to take home. She was a very nice woman.

McCarter even brought them in these awesome box lunches each day from a gourmet caterer in Jersey City. These swanky lunchboxes had proscuttio and mozz. sandwiches, bottles of Perrier water, a fresh apple & orange, and those elite potato chips that are all purple and shit.

It was funny watching them all go to the conference room and pick up their grub everyday while we worked right alongside them and got jack shit- we usually ate at the crummy overpriced McDonald's inside Newark Penn Station. Lucas was always like "if you guys are really lawyers, why don't you get a box lunch like us?" I told him that we were just temps and went to shitty schools so they had no need to treat us like anything other than garbage. He found America very interesting and said he was gonna tell everyone in Denmark about how weird life here is. He took pictures of the janitor closet we worked in with his Iphone and sent them to friends back home, and none of them belived he was really working in such squalor. Sometimes if he wasn't too hungry he'd share his box lunch with me, or at least give me the apple or the chips, etc.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#24161151)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 29th, 2013 2:52 AM
Author: Khaki School Mad-dog Skullcap



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#24729030)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 5th, 2014 3:16 AM
Author: Carnelian Sound Barrier Really Tough Guy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#24775669)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 5th, 2014 3:20 AM
Author: Fighting histrionic roommate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#24775681)



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Date: January 28th, 2014 7:41 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#24913490)



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Date: May 13th, 2014 5:51 AM
Author: zippy turquoise partner



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#25551985)



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Date: June 12th, 2014 12:34 PM
Author: Cowardly Garrison Macaca

Obligatory Bump

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#25736181)



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Date: June 12th, 2014 2:32 PM
Author: infuriating pit

horrifying.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#25736995)



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Date: June 18th, 2014 8:34 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#25774760)



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Date: June 18th, 2014 8:46 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution

Yep, the job market is getting worse, likely much worse- and soon, too:

http://abovethelaw.com/2013/07/is-bigla ... go-weiled/

And of course, shitlaw/small firms pay about the same rates that illegal alien "day laborers" get (you know those doods who hang out in the Home Depot parking lot every morning). Only difference is that the landscaper/drywall plaster/etc who hires them might spring for some Subway hoagies for lunch, whereas in Shitlaw you'll be on your own re: food. LOL.

I am indeed very curious what the hell you kids were thinking going to lawschool, when by the time you applied there were already tons of scamblogs, JDUnderground, and mainstream news articles (NY Times, WSJ etc) preaching as to what a tremendous waste of time, effort, and money the entire debacle was? Did you think by virtue of your "special-ness" you were somehow personally exempt from the iron laws of supply & demand? Exempt from the dismal market metrics, the massive oversupply of lawyers? Did you ever flip open your local Yellow Pages and count the scores of desperate bottom-feeders begging to do your DWI case for $99 with "payment plans available?" It really speaks to the abysmal quality of undergrad education in the U.S. that anyone could emerge with a 4-year college degree in circa 2010 and be a big enough sap to roll the lawskool dice, given the info. that was already out there. Of course, as law is the default academic "dumpster" for those too stupid for math/hard science, I suppose it's not too hard to understand. Or maybe you thought Law & Order and Boston Legal were documentaries which depict the average daily life of a D.A. / private practice barrister. Newflash: Jack McCoy is a fictional character. The man who plays him is called Sam Waterston, a Yale MFA educated actor. Real-life DA's work in converted, windowless broom closets and spend their day at folding table in some dingy cellar in the Bronx cutting plea deals by the bushel for the same (or lower) pay than NYC Garbagemen make. HTH.

Now, as many of the scambloggers warned, you're totally screwed. The ensuing months will get worse, as you see high school buddies on Facebook (some of whom may even have dropped out in 10th grade or whatever) buying their first house, having families, cars, etc. The sharper ones perhaps went into skilled trades such as electrical, plumbing/HVAC. etc. Solid jobs in high demand that the average yuppie won't and can't tackle themselves. You'll soon find out that the folks who gladly hand a plumber $2500 for a new sink/clogged pipe/furnace installl etc will balk and scream about paying an attorney even $300 for a simple will or a DWI defense. The public perception is that legal services are worthless, that law is mostly cut n' paste forms, and that money spent on lawyers is money wasted. And for the most part, they are 100% correct. You're all living proof that the "standards" for lawschool admissions/bar'zam are so comically low as to basically render a law license akin to being a Realtor or some other nonsense "certification." And as the desperate, greedy schools scrape lower and lower for suckers to sign the loan paperwork, it isn't hard to envision a future where even functional illiterates or the mentally retarded (i.e, Down's syndrome patients) are members of the Bar. In fact, judging from the attorneys I encounter on a daily basis, we're already there. By 2020 motions will be written in text-message lingo. So long, Bluebook! Shit was boring anyway.

Anyway, fast forward a moment: Come Thanksgiving day when you pad upstairs from Mom's basement to meet good old Uncle Bob and the rest of the "gang," and he claps your shoulder and says "how's the newest lawyer in the family? Did you buy your first Benz yet?" And you'll have to stammer something about "keeping your options open" and other horseshit to cover up the embarrassment that you really, really are screwed. Sallie Mae is going be bearing down on you like Rommel's tanks, crushing the life force out of whatever pathetic paycheck you can manage to scrounge. Face it kids, its over. The only pleasure you will get is seeing your pals who did get Biglaw end up having the rug yanked out from under them in a few months when the REAL layoffs start.

Your anger and vitriol directed at me is amusing, as is the clown on here who "vents" by yelling at career services (as if law were in any way still a viable "career" ROTFL). In a way, consider yourselves lucky you will likely never find employment in this stressful, unfulfilling, dead-end sewage pit of an industry. It's very likely that soon the markets/economy at large are going to crash in a way that makes 2008 look like a dress rehearsal. My advice is to learn to work with your hands, useful, practical knowledge like gardening, carpentry, repairing/restoring old engines, things of that nature. Pushing bales of makework shitpaper across a table fed a lot of folks for a long time, but those days are now largely gone. Time to google the words "sunk cost" and try to find a way forward in the world. A lottery has already been held, and your ticket lost.

User has been banned.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#25774839)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 7th, 2014 9:35 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

i lol'd. we really should make an effort to collect all of this guy's posts from his former blog, tls, atl, jdu, etc.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#26475959)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 7th, 2014 9:51 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

Oh god the memories. The sweet smell of urine and feces on Beaver Street during the crisp Newark autumn. The screams for help and police sirens whistling through the night. Oh man, I really do hope these starry eyed, young bucks enjoy the shit stained bathrooms in the Newark-Rutgers public library. If they're not too careful, they may find themselves slipping and falling face first into a pile of shit. Sounds familiar.

And I'll never forget the sight of an enterprising homeless man performing fellatio on a well-to-do traveler outside of Penn Station. I almost couldn't believe my eyes. Is this really happening? Oh jeez, ONLY IN NEWARK...

And for a modest, state priced tuition, these legal neophytes get to experience the closest thing to hell on earth that this country has to offer. Those nightmares will last a lifetime.

Not only will you be selling your soul in mere hope of a document review click-click position, you'll be doing it in utter squalor and despair. And here I wrongly presumed that if you sold your soul, you would at least get to enjoy the transient, temporal riches of this lifetime.

I GUESS THOSE DAYS ARE OVER... :(

But I do, however, find some hope in the misguided words of a pretentious, know-it-all prospective "Lawst" that will be getting his or her "shit pushed in" quite soon enough:

"Yeah, you can pretty much ignore our friend here - he enjoys trolling the threads. He doesn't say anything about where he went to school or how well he ranked, so his advice is useless. He tells amusing little stories, though, so I guess it's OK to keep him around like some sort of Debbie Downer mascot. Isn't he adorable?"

I take it "Lawst" is a clever abbreviation for Law Student. That's wonderful. I only wish I had someone to warn me back when I was in their shoes. I damn well would have heeded their advice.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#26476098)



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Date: October 7th, 2014 10:09 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

JACKPOT MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://web.archive.org/web/20100722043409/http://bigdebtsmalllaw.wordpress.com/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#26476227)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 7th, 2014 10:15 PM
Author: greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman

Unnnnnngh

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#26476269)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 10th, 2014 4:53 AM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

Nearly all of them, from what I hear from my old NYC friends who are still grinding it out in the gulags. These work conditions began circa 2007 when a large temp mill called "Discover Ready" came to downtown NYC. I interviewed there and couldn't f'ing believe the place. They rented a whole floor of a crumbling old building on Rector Street and had it set up "fishbowl" style. On the coding floor there were about 15 to 20 glass "boxes" or cubicles that held a dozen coders each, and you had to use a swipe-card to leave your box for bathroom breaks and such. That way, they knew exactly how many minutes you were not at your workstation, kinda like a Supermax prison. They also were the first with the "cell phone cubby-check" policy. Each cell phone cubby had a playing card inside it, and you took the card from an "empty" cubby and put your phone in there, then noted on the sheet which card you had (i.e, 10 of clubs, etc) so you wouldn't forget what cubby was yours. The reason (or "excuse, cough cough" for this was that the client didn't want anyone with a cell phone camera to take pictures of sensitive docs, etc. I think the real reason is that they didn't want photos of the workspeace itself leaking out. The coders I saw while on "tour" of this place were some really strange folks: they had that "glazed" look in their eyes as if Valium was in the water fountain. The whole scene gave me the creeps, so I turned down the gig and just waited for another spot to open up in the SullCrom basement. Better to stick with the devil you know, you know?

On the coding floor itself at Discover Ready, there were "straw bosses" at the "intersection" of every 4 cubicles (these straw-boss desks were exposed) to keep an eye on everyone. All the monitors were turned so that the straw boss could see everyone's screen at all times. They also had a really "loud" screensaver with like flashing orange lights so it would become apparent if anyone let their machine go to sleep. There were also signs everywhere that said "Quiet Please" and things like that. Very much "1984" / George Orwell type stuff.

There are a few decent agencies left (Lexolution is one) who have pretty chill work spaces and no "carding" in and out, but they have very few gigs anymore and most are very short-term.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#26687156)



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Date: November 10th, 2014 4:54 AM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

Once you start doing doc review, no one (not even small firms) will take you seriously as a job candidate. It's the kiss of death for your resume.

Worse yet, if you leave the law and start applying to other businesses/coprs for non-legal jobs, everyone asks "why were you never made permanent anywhere" and you're viewed as sort of a "bad penny" who can't hold down a job. Outsiders don't understand that law firms NEVER make doc reviewers into permanent associates, ever.

So in that sense your "career" is basically over before it ever begins. To be honest, I didn't really mind jumping from gig to gig for awhile, back when the $$$ was decent and you got to work with the same friends on different gigs all the time.

But after awhile you start to feel life passing you by, as you stare into a screen hour after endless hour reading 87 page "Tri-Lateral Broker-Dealer Sub Agreement Addendums" and using the mouse to redact (black out) the law firm's name from all 237 times it appears before clicking the "Produce Document" tab. Eating crappy Chinese take out food while the guy six inches to your right bangs his elbow into yours for the 400th time while digging a booger out of his nose and wiping it on a wrinkled copy of yesterday's NY Post.

Weird walking out to the street at 11 pm, the city boils loud, brilliant and alive. It almost overwhelms the senses after having stared into a computer monitor for the past 15 hours. Your eyes need time to adjust: for the first few minutes the headlights and car horns seem like hallucinations from an acid trip. Those were strange days, indeed.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#26687157)



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Date: November 10th, 2014 4:57 AM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

I graduated in 2004 from an NYC Tier One school with a 3.1 GPA. Did an intership both summers, but the gov't agency I interned with did not have any openings when I graduated. I sent out tons of resumes, but when $$$ ran low I registered with the temp agencies and got into Paul Weiss. Then I did a couple SullivanCromwell gigs and left temping for a personal injury firm where I worked as an associate for 45 K and no health benefits. That firm was so miserable I seriously thought about suicide and basically started drinking and doing drugs to cope with stress and depression. I had to keep deferring loans and really couldn't survive on the low salary. I was in the personal injury firm for about one year. Then the partner at the PI firm got disbarred and the other PI firms wouldn't interview me because of having a "stain" like that place on my resume. So my only substantive experience was basically worthless because it came from a place where a guy was getting disbarred for all types of sleazy shit, etc. I didn't really like that type of work anyway- it's a nightmare dealing with injured people and if you can't bring in cases you're pretty much topping out at 50-55 K for a salary.

So I went back into temping for another 3 years or so, and also waited tables and did other non-legal jobs between projects. Doc review wasn't too bad in terms of $$$, but you have to accept being treated like complete and utter garbage all the time. You are in no way a "professional" or accorded any respect or dignity on these gigs. They lie about the project length, lie about the hours, and terminate people with no warning by calling you at 11 pm to say the gig is over. On many projects you can't have your cell phone with you- you have to check it in with the front desk before going to your worskstation, other crappy childish rules like that.

Sometimes I really do wonder how things turned out so bad. Basically my "career" has been nothing but dead-end temp jobs and working for a scumbag firm. At this point I'm pretty much a ruined shell of a person, and plan on moving abroad with my fiancee so we can escape my massive student loan debt and start over elsewhere. She is a former ballet dancer and has an offer to dance with a company in Turkey, so I might take an English teaching job when we get there.

It's too bad student loans can't be discharged in BK. I'd gladly resign from both bars I'm admitted to for the chance at a clean financial start. I've accepted that my legal "career" so to speak is beyond dead, and dead-end temping is the only legal job I'll ever have any chance of getting. With the debt, it's simply impossible for me to "start over" in this country and change careers. Why struggle to pay for another 25 years for an education I'm not even able to use? My hunch is also that things are going to get far, far worse in the USA over the next few years, so it's probably an ideal time to run for the exit.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#26687159)



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Date: November 10th, 2014 5:06 AM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

Seton Hall is a middling, 2nd tier diploma mill located in Newark, NJ. Recently, the school plunged a full 11 points in the US News rankings, dropping from 66th to 77th. This was the second-largest drop among law schools in the #51 to #100 range. A new ranking methodology which includes the stats of part-time students as a criteria dealt a harsh blow to Seton Hall, which maximizes profit (and administrator salaries) by packing the night program to the rafters with low LSAT and GPA students, most of whom will have no legitimate employment options at graduation.

At over $43,500 a year, Seton Hall's tuition is beyond exorbitant. Most graduates end up unemployed or enter the Traffic Court Clerkship (TCC) program, which pays $35,000 a year and allows the law school to painlessly wash its hands of a good number of graduates. Following their stint in traffic court, most Seton Hall grads enter small-time ambulance chasing "firms" that pay under $40,000 a year. Many scrape by with part-time employment in document review for as little as $17 an hour, bitter and angry at life and the lies of Seton Hall.

No discussion of Seton Hall is complete without mentioning uber-shyster Patrick E. Hobbs, known on message boards as the "Valvoline Dean" for his oleaginous, used-car salesman persona, insincere posturing, and shameless manipulation of salary and employment data. The man takes more liberty with salary statistics than Michael Jackson did with 4 year olds at a Chuck-E-Cheese playpen. Hobbs was "called out" in an October 2006 Wall St Journal op-ed for accepting on behalf of Seton Hall an endowment from Bristol Meyers Squibb that was clearly a strong-armed shakedown of the company by US Attorney Christopher Christie, a Seton Hall alum and longtime crony of the Valvoline Dean. As part of a "deferred prosecution" agreement, Bristol Meyers agreed to cough up almost a million bucks for an "ethics chair" at Seton Hall. The WSJ personally noted Hobbs's moral bankruptcy in accepting this obvious shakedown, but the Valvoline Dean greased the deal thru and lost no sleep. This man slumbers like a baby on a mattress softened by the indebted souls his school has crushed.

On July 23, 2009, borderline mental retard Peter Cammarano, a Seton Hall Law alum and mayor of Hoboken, NJ, was charged with extortion by color of offical right for accepting $25,000 from an undercover FBI agent. He no doubt learned this pattern of dishonesty and sleaze at Seton Hall, a school noted for publishing patently fraudulent employment & salary statistics. The Valvoline Dean quickly morphed into full "Red Alert" damage control mode, eliminating all hagiographic references to Cammarano from the law school's website. Rumor has it that his stooges had to quickly "man their battle stations" as the school entered "Code Camarrano", trying to scrub any Seton Hall/Cammarano references from the blogosphere and refresh this Wiki page every 30 seconds to prevent Cammarano info such as this from being posted.

However, the truth is already leaking out. The comical boiler room shitlaw "firm" that Scam-arrano worked at has deep ties to both Seton Hall and the infamous Valvoline Dean, as well as Hudson County democrat machine politics. Partner meetings there were allegedly akin to scenes from the film GlenGary, Glenross, with Scamarrano telling his underlings how slick of a salesman he was. Cammarano once even removed his wristwatch and told a crowd of summer associates: "You see this watch? This watch cost more than a year's tution at at Seton Hall. That's who I am, and you're nothing."

Facing 33 years in the federal joint, where his backside will be thumpin' like a bass tube at Bar None, Scamarrano will no doubt sing like Pavorotti any day now and start naming names. By the time he's through, the few Hudson County boiler rooms that would actually hire a Seton Hall grad will be raided by the Feds and the partners hauled away in cuffs. The only way any Seton Hall grad can earn a living wage (aside from panhandling on the PATH train) is by ass-kissing the lowlife gweedo sleaze that operate the northern NJ boiler room "firms" in Soprano-esque fashion. With these places soon to be padlocked by the Feds, the average Seton Hall grad will face grim prospects indeed. Many are already speculating that this scandal will doom the school to the Elba of US News's third tier, from which it is unlikely to ever recover. Legal experts are advising current students to drop out immediately before facing the embarassment of seeing the school fall 20 or more points in the 2010 rankings.

Not that this type of behavior is anything new to the Seton Hall administration. A previous scandal involved Seton Hall not only admitting, but offering a full scholarship to a woman previously involved in securities fraud while a stockbroker. Despite a lifetime bar from stock trading and having her Series 7 license permanently revoked by the SEC, Seton Hall nevertheless granted her a generous scholarship and even sent administrators to testify before the New Jersey and New York bars after both committees refused to admit the woman on character & fitness grounds. This incident caused many students to feel cheated and disgusted with Seton Hall and the hypocritical farce of "ethics & honor codes" to ring hollow. If the school's administration had any "honor" they would immediately issue full refunds to the current students and then close down the school. No legitimate legal employers have any interest in speaking with, interviewing, or hiring Seton Hall graduates. In a glutted legal market where even Ivy League law students are struggling to find work, one wonders why any sane person would attend a declining diploma mill in a crime-infested, depressing area like Newark.

In September 2007, The Wall Street Journal published an article regarding the waning job market for U.S. lawyers, and questioning the integrity of law schools’ employment data and marketing campaigns, mentioning Seton Hall Law School, among others. [24]

Many feel that the term “career services” is a misnomer when applied to Seton Hall, since few graduates will experience anything one could remotely call a “career.” In fact, some have proposed holding graduation in the parking lot of Barasso, a large, low-paying document review project in nearby Westfield, NJ. Since 80% or more Seton Hall grads will end up in dead-end document review, without health benefits, a living wage, or any chance for advancement, it seems appropriate to many that the graduation ceremony reflect that harsh, cruel reality.

Attempts by the alumni association to form a sister organization, The International Brotherhood of Coders and Temporary Attorneys, has met with strong resistance by both the Valvoline Dean and douchebags like David King. At present, most alumna who do not become contract attorneys end up taking more lucrative positions as fry cooks, panhandlers on the 7 line, or "Welfare Queens".

According to the 2008 edition of the ABA-LSAC Official Guide to ABA-Approved Law Schools, employed graduates accepted various positions that are detailed below in percentage terms. 38.9% Document-Review Specialists and other contract positions, 28.6% Paralegal, 18.6% Accounting, 11.1% "Entertainment" industry, 5.7% Government assistance, 1.8% Janitorial services and the custodial arts, 0.3% Academia [1]

Contents

1 History

2 Program

3 Students

4 Student Organizations

5 Notable alumni

6 References

7 External links

History

Seton Hall University School of Law was founded in 1951 in an effort to create a pool of labor for the emerging field of document review. Seton Hall was fully accredited by the American Bar Association in that same year. The school is part of Seton Hall University. In September 2007, The Wall Street Journal published an article regarding the waning job market for U.S. lawyers, and questioning the integrity of law schools’ employment data and marketing campaigns, mentioning Seton Hall Law School, among others. [2]

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#26687168)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 9th, 2015 2:35 AM
Author: greedy fishy masturbator skinny woman



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#27852965)



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Date: May 29th, 2015 5:22 AM
Author: exhilarant nubile mental disorder



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#27988012)



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Date: June 1st, 2015 8:40 PM
Author: Motley aqua whorehouse

all praise the almighty scott bullock

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#28016287)



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Date: July 21st, 2015 10:47 AM
Author: Hyperactive black toaster



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#28380590)



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Date: February 17th, 2016 5:32 PM
Author: Spruce toilet seat lay

Holy shit this thread literally makes me want to kill myself. Am I supposed to be grateful that I'm in biglaw??

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#29852588)



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Date: May 25th, 2016 12:20 PM
Author: curious brindle main people institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#30555669)



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Date: May 25th, 2016 2:13 PM
Author: effete heaven laser beams

180 thread, thanks for bumpinb

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#30556442)



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Date: June 22nd, 2016 1:13 AM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=1695190&mc=67&forum_id=2#18430422

just adding this so it doesn't get lost

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#30760386)



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Date: October 31st, 2016 3:17 AM
Author: talking corn cake halford



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#31765097)



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Date: September 22nd, 2016 12:52 PM
Author: Jet shrine

REMINDER

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#31467187)



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Date: September 22nd, 2016 2:46 PM
Author: exciting flushed forum digit ratio

tyft

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#31468011)



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Date: October 31st, 2016 2:30 AM
Author: glittery angry orchestra pit



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#31764971)



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Date: November 22nd, 2016 12:27 AM
Author: zippy turquoise partner

Still loling

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#31966750)



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Date: November 30th, 2016 1:55 AM
Author: drunken ultramarine selfie

Bumping again because people need to see the true face of GC

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#32021533)



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Date: November 30th, 2016 2:40 AM
Author: zippy turquoise partner



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#32021624)



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Date: December 1st, 2016 8:50 PM
Author: razzle coffee pot clown

splendid thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#32035466)



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Date: August 2nd, 2017 6:58 AM
Author: obsidian misanthropic french chef



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#33901684)



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Date: August 2nd, 2017 7:33 AM
Author: poppy famous landscape painting



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#33901713)



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Date: August 14th, 2017 1:41 PM
Author: Stirring step-uncle's house



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#33985831)



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Date: October 5th, 2017 6:25 AM
Author: Racy Hunting Ground Athletic Conference

This thread made me quit college and join the army

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#34371710)



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Date: January 17th, 2018 4:18 PM
Author: Lascivious locale

This needs to be bumped weekly

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#35177815)



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Date: February 3rd, 2018 9:35 PM
Author: jet-lagged emerald pisswyrm

I found this searching for the McDonald's bistro thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#35316789)



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Date: August 18th, 2018 9:30 AM
Author: Mind-boggling theatre mediation



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#36637940)



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Date: October 19th, 2018 3:34 PM
Author: Opaque national



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37057463)



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Date: October 20th, 2018 10:37 AM
Author: obsidian misanthropic french chef



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37061173)



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Date: October 20th, 2018 12:38 PM
Author: Concupiscible copper gas station national security agency

tyft

http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=1695190&mc=67&forum_id=2#18430422

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37061666)



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Date: October 20th, 2018 1:40 PM
Author: chrome electric school cafeteria

It would probably help if lolschools taught their students how to practice law but that would make too much sense.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37061971)



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Date: October 21st, 2018 2:10 PM
Author: Motley aqua whorehouse

That would make zero difference. There are too many schools turning out far more shitgrads than there are jobs.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37067119)



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Date: October 21st, 2018 11:20 PM
Author: Medicated Office Rigpig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37069961)



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Date: October 21st, 2018 2:14 PM
Author: chrome electric school cafeteria

I think you would have more options if you knew how to practice law.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37067135)



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Date: October 21st, 2018 10:25 PM
Author: Motley aqua whorehouse

No. There are just too many people with law licenses.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37069657)



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Date: October 21st, 2018 10:37 PM
Author: insecure hot church building incel

Great thread.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37069713)



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Date: January 9th, 2019 12:45 AM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#37557158)



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Date: September 4th, 2019 2:59 AM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#38783596)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 2:53 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124249)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 2:57 PM
Author: Mind-boggling theatre mediation

Ah fuck it’s this thread again.

(Flushes an hour down the toilet)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124286)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 2:59 PM
Author: Aromatic hall mother

Nice, we will have a fresh crop in 2-3 years after ITE 2.0

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124301)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 3:09 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

bored with nothing to do so I will be adding a bunch to this today

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124406)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 4:03 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

Oh man, I forgot to tell you guys some funny stories about Leahey & Johnson. A buddy of mine quit there and joined us losers/washouts on the doc review circuit back in 2007 when you could still get $40 an hour in NYC. He told me all kinds of horror stories about the place, including "motion madness." You see, if there's a legal holiday like MLK and the shitcourts are closed, you have to be in the office at 8 am sharp and cut/paste 10 motions together minimum that day. They don't care if the "discovery" (which is nothing but one page HIPPA authorizations for the P's medical records) have been provided, they make real BS motions like saying the notary stamps are blurry and shit like that.

You also have to work two Saturdays a month from 9-5 and - get this- wear a suit! You see, the old turd who owns this boiler room thinks he's some kind of legendary insurance defender superhero:

--LinkRemoved--

He walks around all day like a Gestapo officer and bitches that "back in the old days none of you kids could've cut it" and stuff like that.

Also gotta LOL at his little website bio, which states:

Quote:

“For many attorneys,” continues the profile in the Law Journal, “there is no

higher compliment than to call another attorney 'a Pete Johnson.’”

ROTFL! I can just see the partner doods from Wachtell boarding the LearJet after a big SCOTUS win and backslapping each other, saying "Boy, you really Pete Johnson'ed that old coot Scalia!"

Oh and by the way, the "firm" pays 45 K a year. All they have are the crappiest Allstate fender benders and other such refuse.

Gotta also LOL that no associates are listed on the website, since the average one only stays about a month or two!



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124789)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 4:12 PM
Author: Motley aqua whorehouse

lol i remember the Pete Johnson thing from JDunderground

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124842)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 4:06 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

The saddest part of all are the older ID shitlawyers in their late 40s or so, still grinding it out and bickering over these fender-bender files, bouncing from one shitlaw ID boiler room to the next. We used to call them "poors." You hear them bitching in court about how much their kid's college is gonna cost, how expensive dry-cleaning their JC Penney suits costs, shit like that. A lot of these schlubs have serious alcohol problems too. Most of them make in the 70-80 K range, which is pretty piss poor for the NYC/North NJ area, esp. if you have a family.

But that's pretty much top whack for mindless monkey work like insurance defense. Even after decades of fender bender ID 'experience," you'll never even make half what a 25 year old Biglaw kid gets.These schmucks are lower-middle or working class, nothing more. They live in crummy aluminum-sided tract housing in shitty parts of NJ or some outer borough and drive jalopy cars with "Mets" bumper stickers and shit.

There was one funny old drunk I'll call "Bill" who used to come to court smelling like the wrath of John Barleycorn every day. He was short, bald, fat, and about 50 years old. He worked for a notorious shitlaw mill called Leahey & Johnson.

One day he was begging some adjuster via cellphone to settle a nonsense soft-tissue auto case my shitlaw firm had slapped on them. I kept dinging his "offers" and sending him back out to the hallway to beg the adjuster for some kind of decent settlement.

But the bad thing about Leahey & Johnson is that they represent Allstate, and those pricks simply don't cough up $$$ period. Every single case is a "no pay" for them, even if your guy gets hit by a drunk driver with no license and ends up paralyzed & in an iron lung. Not that it really matters since most of the policies are puny little 25 K state minimum coverage anyway (NJ now requires only 15 K, so auto injury cases in NJ are real turds handled only by the most desperate bottom feeders from TTT's like R-N and Seton Hall).

I think he finally came back with $500 bucks, which I turned down. So we went to see the judge to get sent to our jury room to pick and Phil tries telling the judge he has pink eye. He was leaning over the bench and trying to pull his eyelids back b/c the judge didn't believe him. Then the judge gets pissed when Phil knocks over this weird paperweight the judge had, and he starts telling Phil "to call Lawyer Assistance" and sober up, etc. Everyone started cracking up and here's Phil saying he really has pink eye, and can't we do the trial another day, etc. So the judge finally adjourns the stupid thing and Phil rolls out of court and back to his barstool.

Funny thing was that the client with that case got sent to Rikers not long afterwords for stabbing his girlfriend, and when my boss did settle the case I had to go to the joint and get him to sign the releases. We deposited the check in his commissary account when it came.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124814)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 4:55 PM
Author: Motley aqua whorehouse

180 how he starts out with "let's call the guy 'bill'" then proceeds to use his real name throughout the story.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40125034)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 4:08 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

Quote:

Ok, you are saying you expect more with that education. Maybe. But 80k still puts you way above the median income in this country.

But it's a hard 80 K. Grinding your way thru traffic to shitcourt every morning, bickering over garbage cases, then back to the office for hours of cut n' paste.

Another thing about ID shitlaw is the lack of perks. No travel, no company car, usually crappy health plan, no chance for advancement, boring rote work, etc. Not to mention being laughed at by neighbors/family for being a lawyer and a "poor." Another funny thing is how often the middle-age lawyers say things like "if my kid even THINKS about law school I'll disown him" and "I'd give anything to get outta this shit forever."

What you don't understand about shitlaw is what a miserable "grind of a job it is. At least at big corporations and such there may be different things going on: new products, travel to a convention/conference, lunch meetings, chance to break into mgmt, etc.

In shitlaw every day is the fucking same, a prison-like grind. Wake up, drag yourself to shitcourt, get yelled at/berated by court personnel, bicker over a few fender benders, have some lunch, then sit at a computer until 7 pm cutting & pasting the next day's stack of garbage motions and nonsense dicovery demands together. The dead-end nature of it all is why alcolohism and drug abuse are so endemic in this industry. Every aspect of your workday is both miserable and predictable.

Bottom line is that almost everyone in the legal industry hates their job. The one and ONLY thing that allows the Biglaw types to tolerate it is the money. When you take away the $$$, there is literally nothing to recommend this industry.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124822)



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Date: April 30th, 2020 4:10 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

Quote:

I would take what this poster says with a grain of salt. Not to say that the legal market isn't horrifying and total crap right now, but IIRC this poster is quite the tale-teller and has been banned before for nonsense and end-of-world posts.

Anyone who doubts what I write and lives in the NYC area just needs to take a quick trip to King's Supreme, Status Conference and JCP Parts (both on the first floor, status to the right and JCP to the left near the newsstand). Or Room 707 in Bronx Supreme (get off the Yankee Stadium stop and walk up the hill). I really believe a day or two seeing this shit firsthand would deter 75% or more starry-eyed 0 L's.

And no, 70 or 80 K isn't a respectable salary for a professional with 7 yrs of education and 20+ years in the business. It's really a downright embarrassment. Believe it or not, a lot of these guys do menial work like mowing lawns on the weekend to make ends meet. Hell, property taxes on even a small 2 BR condo in NJ will run you 10 K a year. Deduct gas, tolls, food, car insurance, etc. and these "lawyers" are the working poor. Hell, I was still waiting tables on weekends when I was working at the shitlaw personal injury firm, as were most of my co-workers. Almost everyone in shitlaw needs some supplemental income to scrape by.

And I wasn't banned for "nonsense," I was banned for pointing out in a Rutgers-Newark thread how dangerous, filthy, and epidemic crime is in the R-N area. I worked a document review job in Newark for almost 6 months and a co-worker was carjacked and pistol-whipped one night by a 14 year old. The entire city is literally an open sewer, with bums and crackheads urinating everywhere in broad daylight. We even walked around the corner on Beaver Street one day on way to lunch and a homeless dood was dropping a deuce right on the sidewalk like a dog. He said "sorry fellas" when he saw us.

Lately people have even gotten shot right outside the spiffy new Prudential Center. But the R-N kids didn't want to hear it- hell, they are going to law school to "help" these people LOL!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40124833)



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Date: May 1st, 2020 7:29 AM
Author: Motley aqua whorehouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40127933)



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Date: August 11th, 2020 1:44 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

https://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=157855

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40738560)



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Date: August 11th, 2020 1:50 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

"The stampede of coders wrangling for this gig rivaled the Japanese earthquake's Richter-scale readings. Within minutes of this broadcast email, 80% of NYC's broadband bandwidth was swamped with hordes of coders frantically pressing the "send" button, racing to get their attached resumes across the finish line first. Skyscrapers began to gently shake as the stampede gathered momentum, with some coders even donning their suits in phone booths Superman style, breaking land speed records as they gang-rushed De Novo's midtown offices. "It's a bird...it's a plane....no, it's a CODER!"

This is what it's come to, kids. "Down the road," as they say in the big house. Four years of college, the LSAT, 3 years of law school, the late nights studying until your eyes bleed, 100 K plus in loans, the bar'zam, the dues, the CLE shakedowns: all to beg for a graveyard shift gig at a whopping $30 an hour, sans OT. Trying to pay down loans at this rate is akin to using a Folgers can to bail out the Titanic: you'll drown long before the bilge is emptied.

Rumor has it that 50 desperate suit-clad souls spent last night clicking away, all too happy to swallow their pride like a cocktail of Drano

and click those docs until their eyes wept blood. We can't imagine the depths of desperation one must be in to volunteer for such a pathetic endeavor. Sadder still is that, in all likelihood, hundreds (or thousands?) of schmucks probably cried themselves to sleep last night because they didn't make the cut for this gig.

This is a watershed moment, kids. How much more mistreatment, degradation, and abuse are you "lawyers" willing to endure? In the immortal words of Dante from the film Clerks, we ask De Novo: "What's your encore? Do you anally rape my mother while puring sugar in my gas tank?"

Quite funny too how this gig began only hours after the spiffy new 2011 US News rankings came out, the lemmings going ga-ga that their toilet of choice is now ranked 159th instead of 167st, the nascent "prestige" flowing like heroin into a junkie's bicep.

Ah Bartleby! Ah humanity!"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#40738599)



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Date: August 20th, 2021 10:13 PM
Author: Self-absorbed violet native

Are these all by the same guy omegalul

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#42983886)



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Date: August 29th, 2021 8:59 PM
Author: Mint shaky ape coldplay fan

yes

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#43029897)



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Date: October 6th, 2022 1:55 PM
Author: Motley aqua whorehouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#45290316)



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Date: May 16th, 2022 4:14 PM
Author: clear submissive senate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#44522113)



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Date: May 29th, 2022 2:18 PM
Author: Indigo Place Of Business Tattoo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#44593674)



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Date: July 7th, 2022 11:47 AM
Author: galvanic crotch cuckoldry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#44809518)



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Date: October 6th, 2022 1:50 PM
Author: pungent pale trump supporter



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905801&forum_id=2#45290288)