later on, i've now spent dozens of hours coming into contact with real-life pussies, these rank foul disgusting things. i've tried my best to tolerate them, to make my earlier wishes of their pristine perfection come true. how badly i wished to capture a tiny trace of their pure and heavenly essence i was sold. but all i've done is exercised my gag reflex and destroyed the lining of my inner throat. i've learned about periods, infections, ovulation, and being brought to my knees in a nauseating state, praying for relief. and yet, i can't shake the earlier visions of beauty and ecstasy that was implanted inside my brain. i dive in and recoil, dive in and recoil, each cyclical process of awakening having the effect of mauling the innocence of my soul.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689425&forum_id=2#33892251)