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Rob Halford's funeral was the most 100% STRAIGHT thing ever
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: October 31st, 2017 6:10 PM Author: fuchsia fat ankles Funeral was held out in the middle of Montana, Big Sky Country, in a verdant mountain valley. In accordance with his wishes, Halford was buried in a tumulus, just like the Bronze Age Eurasian warlords he so admired.
Given that the nearest non-dirt airport was three hours away, the size of the crowd was impressive.
The parade of twinks began promptly at noon. An endless stream of scrawny, pathetic men pranced in something somewhat resembling a line, making longing eyes at every halfway ALPHA man in the crowd. They were followed by several high school boy’s volleyball teams wearing special black MESH shorts in a sign of mourning.
The POUCH BOIS were followed by a PIG MARCH. Dirt-hungry FILTHPIGS, Poz-hungry CUMPIGS, and Samples-hungry COSTCOPIGS were all well represented. This was the moment the crowd had brought their PISS JUGS for: they showered the pigs with ammonia-rich golden rain.
Finally, we caught a glimpse of the PIG LORD himself. The embalmed body of LORD HALFORD was dressed in tight black leather in the driver’s seat of his ice cream truck, the same one he used to bring joy to thousands of kids. The truck was pulled by the surviving members of Judas Priest, who towed it into the earthen mound while holding back tears.
It was now time for the eulogy, delivered by former Beef Boy Classic champion Yann Perrod. A solemn-faced Perrod, fully nude, walked to the podium. His fully erect FUCKSTICK glistened in the afternoon sun. He struck a pose with his perfect muscles and shot an ENORMOUS LOAD of MAN JUICE into the crowd, completely soaking the VIPs in the SPASH ZONE (including several former Megapoaster Madness winners, Danish IFNB champ Jan Kolberg, and Tucker Carlson).
Perrod began his eulogy. “I AM THE MOST ALPHA MUSCLE STUD IN THE WORLD!”, he roared. “I HAVE THE MOST PERFECT MUSCLES AND THE FATTEST, STUDLIEST COCK!”, he continued. “MY HOT CUM IS AVAILABLE AT ANY SPUNXXX BAR IN NORTH AMERICA AND EUROPE”, he concluded.
Following polite applause for Perrod, megapoaster Buck “The Club” Paulette took the stage, and read excerpts from the thread "And now, pouchGouT has the weather. PouchGouT, how's the weekend looking?”. |
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Date: October 31st, 2017 7:16 PM Author: topaz business firm therapy A single tear ran down buck's cheek as he eulogized Saint Halford. He whisked it away resolutely and upon closer inspection of his finger, it was actually a hint on Yann's muscleBUTTER which somehow reached the nosebleeds where buck had been seated. He glanced up again and locked eyes with Yann's cumSOAKER. A defiant Yann yelled out to him. "Keep your chin up and your cock hard young Buck, all muscleSTUDS go to heaven" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3781332&forum_id=2#34574008) |
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Date: November 1st, 2017 9:16 AM Author: cerebral nubile abode juggernaut 98346876235987632 RIP |
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Date: November 1st, 2017 9:17 AM Author: fuchsia fat ankles A cultic vow of secrecy prohibits me from describing the Doobs sacrifice that followed the reading of the Pouch Gout thread. But I’ll say this: when they sealed LORD HALFORD and that ice cream truck into the burial mound, and the crowd of 3,000 began singing Gimme the Beef Boy and Free my Soul, that was the most emotional moment of my life. It was sad, I literally cried IRL, but I was also amazed at all these people from all walks of life that Halford’s posts and enthusiasm for naked muscle sports and completely normal behavior had brought together.
RIP, pig lord. I’ll miss you so much. |
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