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I'm depressed about my family situation: email or call like 2x a month
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:42 PM Author: wine preventive strike I see my dad about 2x a year. We email usually once a month and sometimes text or talk on the phone. He lives halfway across the country from me.
I see my mom 2x a year. I try to call her or text her or email her once a week but we sometimes (often) slip. She lives the closest to me which is an 8 hour car ride or 1ish hour flight.
I see my sister 1x a year. We might exchange an unrelated email or text but we never catch up. She lives a 3 hour plane flight from me.
I like my brother in law, her husband, and we actually text like 2-3 times a month, often about crypto.
I am in touch about 1x every 2 months or so with my one remaining grandma. She lives on the other side of the country. |
Date: February 19th, 2018 6:44 PM Author: wine preventive strike (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439623) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:45 PM Author: Aquamarine cerebral multi-billionaire hospital (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439633) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:45 PM Author: greedy trip striped hyena dingle berry so initiate contact more, what's stopping you (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439636) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:47 PM Author: wine preventive strike It's awkward and weird. It is strange to just force a relationship back into action. I called my mom yesterday which felt great. Spoke for 15 minutes. Literally ran out of things to say. I've kept them at arms length for over a decade. But they also kept me at sort of an arms length much of my life. For example in high school they never asked about my life or my friends or anything. It was almost a transactional relationship even though it wasn't hostile--just kind of aloof and distant.
So when I went off to college and beyond I just didn't stay in close contact. I mean they knew what I was up to in a general sense (e.g. when I took a job or went on a trip), but they never knew like my weekend plans or who I was "dating" unless it became really serious. |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:56 PM Author: marvelous chrome theater patrolman I think you must do this gradually. Start by calling slightly “more often” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439763) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 7:00 PM Author: wine preventive strike On the plus side, ever since Thanksgiving, I have been trying to do this a little bit. I saw my dad in December and I am seeing him in March. I saw my Mom in November and I will see her likely in about May and I do try to be in touch with her like once a week. And things with my sister will never be different, we have no problem but no connection to each other, but via regular texts with my bro in law it's probably never been better.
I just need to keep this momentum going and increase it a little bit. I really should be seeing them 3x a year but man it gets hard to do. And then I just get angry that I live so far away. See below for my ideal situation (all of us in one extended metro area). |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:48 PM Author: Supple Smoky Gaping Fanboi (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439669) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:48 PM Author: Rebellious University Philosopher-king there was a horrifying and I mean HORRIFYING chart showing that for most people you will have spent half the time you will ever spend with your sibling by the time you're like 14 years old. Absolutely blew my mind and I hope someone has it to repost (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439679) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:51 PM Author: wine preventive strike It makes mathematical sense. I might be able to chart exactly how many times I'll see my parents just with life expectancy charts and my yearly averages.
I don't blame myself fully. My parents split and they live far away from each other and from me and my sister isn't exactly going to be my best friend. And she lives far away too.
I feel terrible because my grandma is getting really old and I've always cared about her. But in general I wish I could have made different life choices to not be in this situation. I wish I lived closer to my mom and flew to see my dad more. The only solution to all of this is to like fly a lot to see them and try to drum up a connection once again. But it gets much harder as you have life things and a significant other whose family you see, and so forth. |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 7:03 PM Author: floppy center >It makes mathematical sense. I might be able to chart exactly how many times I'll see my parents just with life expectancy charts and my yearly averages.
there may have been a few xo threads about this |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:52 PM Author: wine preventive strike (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439719) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:53 PM Author: overrated depressive base at this rate you only have to see your dad 3 more times. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439731) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:54 PM Author: indigo home sweet tailpipe My father mocks me or ignores me when I talk; my mother is what people call, "emotionally distant;" my siblings have been known to try, often with GREAT success, to turn my parents against me. "Family" is a ridiculous notion in modern society. Maybe if we were Eskimos but fuck this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439741) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 6:57 PM Author: wine preventive strike I wish I lived in a big city and they lived in the suburbs. I don't even care that they divorced. I wish I could drive 30-60 minutes to see them. We could regularly have dinner together. Like once a month with my Mom and once a month with my Dad and once a month with my Sister and her family. And then special events like my dad and I could get tickets to see a game or something. And I wish I had college or HS friends in my city. I'm not asking for much. Like 5 people. And we'd get dinner sometimes or drinks. And they'd occasionally have parties. And maybe we'd go on a trip.
I wish so fucking badly that things were slightly different. Not majorly. I just wish a little bit different. |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 7:01 PM Author: indigo home sweet tailpipe Yeah I envision nice things too but in reality everyone just tries to Destroy me. This is true of all families to some extent, even yours. Stop caring. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439804) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 7:02 PM Author: wine preventive strike I basically try to reinvent family via my girlfriend(s) and I try to get close with them, it's actually something I really care about (if they're close to family) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439817) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 7:00 PM Author: Razzmatazz bearded institution rigpig i only go home 2-3x a year and occasionally my parents come to visit me but i usually talk to parents once every other week or so on phone and text with sister multiple times a week (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439794) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 7:01 PM Author: wine preventive strike What is there to text with your sister about? In all honesty I don't know what the fuck I'd talk to her about except her kids and like their new dog. I did text her when she got the dog and she sent me a picture which was nice.
How far away do they live? I could realistically see my mom several times a year because she's even in the same time zone. My dad is a lot further away. |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 7:03 PM Author: Up-to-no-good becky the fact you mutually email is insane, thats solely for pedophiles and nigerians, solely used for work, receipts and signing up for shit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439824) |
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Date: February 19th, 2018 7:04 PM Author: Pontificating locus mediation (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3897821&forum_id=2#35439836) |