Krampusnacht offering hypos to poasters
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Poast new message in this thread
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Date: April 21st, 2018 8:30 PM Author: talking gay wizard
i have a kid on the way, so B. she'll be set for life.
i would split this list of 100 most common words into 8-10 sentences and commit them to memory and recite them during shower, during commute, during moments of boredom
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Most_common_words_in_English
i would also read aloud everything i'm typing on xo and elsewhere.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35890831)
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Date: April 21st, 2018 8:45 PM Author: talking gay wizard
running the numbers here
each sentence would take about 2s to utter, so 20s to run through the entire list. so $5/20s, or $15/min, or $900/hr
an hour a day of deliberate recital would bring in about $300k/yr, plus the amount brought in by incidental utterance. let's say $400k/yr, which would be 8 million in 20 years. not bad.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35890924) |
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Date: April 21st, 2018 8:58 PM Author: Contagious Lake Ape Property
WHICH words you say matter a lot
like the sound "Aum" is the go-to one for meditation because it apparently "sounds like" the origin/totality of the cosmos.
even if you use a longer mantra in a language you don't understand, the sounds are very important.
Saying weird contrived english sentences for an hour a day would start to sound like gobbledegook nonsense in your head (this phenomenon happens if you repeat even a single english word over and over), like a Lewis Carroll poem. You wouldn't reach nirvana. You'd get put in a psych ward.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35891008) |
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Date: April 21st, 2018 8:24 PM Author: alcoholic roommate lodge
Option A: You get to go back to high school, as a 10/10 stud with great athleticism, great looks, and an amazing full head of hair. You can do whatever you want in high school, you have free will. BUT...as soon as four years of high school are over, your fate becomes inescapable. You will go to college, and in college you will lose most of your hair. Then you will go to law school, and you will gain a ton of weight. You'll balloon to 300+ pounds. Then you will become a personal injury lawyer in the town you went to high school in, and you will advertise on buses and billboards. Your face will be all over these ads, and they will say "I'm too ugly to have friends, so I will FIGHT to get you the money you deserve!". Kids will gawk and say "you know that fat lawyer? he went to high school here!" and look up your yearbook photos and gaze in amazement at how hot you used to be.
Option B: You get to go back to college with 10/10 raw intellectual horsepower. You'll be the smartest undergrad on campus. However, at age 27, you will decline to an IQ of 110 - 120. How much you hydrate will determine your final IQ. If you hydrate well, it will be closer to 120. If you neglect to drink enough water, it will decline to 110.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35890807) |
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Date: April 21st, 2018 8:39 PM Author: alcoholic roommate lodge
Option A: One, and exactly one, of the approximately 1.28 million cows in the state of Wisconsin changes color to become solid purple. You have one week to find this cow and touch it on the head. If you do this, $10 million will be yours, tax-free. If you fail, you will spend 24 hours unable to speak in human languages, instead you will only be able to moo. (Then you go back to normal).
Option B: You become the Court Jester of Rhode Island. You must move to Providence, Rhode Island. Your job is to tell jokes at official dinners and parties hosted by the Governor of Vermont. Your job is not a political appointment, so you stay in office when the Governor changes and can only be fired "for cause" such as gross misconduct. You are paid $50,000 per year with a 2.5% annual COL increase. Your pension vests after 5 years of service. If your pension vests, that means at age 60 you can retire from jesting and you will be paid your final jesting salary annually until you die.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35890878) |
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Date: April 21st, 2018 9:51 PM Author: chestnut house-broken set round eye
B no question
Especially in the event I get a riddle
Helps that the time to meet Murph is when I would feel safe near UC
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35891296) |
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Date: April 21st, 2018 9:05 PM Author: alcoholic roommate lodge
Option A: "Mean Girls" becomes even more of a cult classic, to the extent that it is held in as high of a regard as Homer, Virgil, or Beowulf. In fact, an entire profession exists called "Mean Girls hafiz", which is people who have memorized the entire script of Mean Girls and can recite it from memory upon request. It becomes a popular form of entertainment to invite a Mean Girls hafiz to a party or reception and have them entertain the crowd with recitations from Mean Girls. If you accept this hypo, you will become a Mean Girls hafiz, though not a great one. You'll remember the entire script, but unlike the most prestigious and highest paid hafizes, you will be unable to imitate all the voices of every single actor or actress in the film.
Option B: Anyone who watches every single Star Wars movie back-to-back in one sitting in chronological order without falling asleep gets a special medal. This medal entitles you to superior customer service: you'll cut to the front of the line at the DMV, you'll be able to get a passport next day, and you will always be treated politely when you call a customer service hotline. However, the medal only lasts for a year, and each year you must "re-certify" by watching all the Star Wars movies chronically again, including any new films that came out during the previous year.
PS by chronological order we mean in-universe chronology. So, I, II, III, Rogue One, IV, V, VI, VII, VII.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35891050) |
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Date: April 22nd, 2018 12:42 AM Author: sadistic sex offender corner
AHEM
can you make an equivalent hypo for women please
ty
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35892077) |
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Date: April 21st, 2018 10:51 PM Author: alcoholic roommate lodge
Option A: You must move to New Bedford, Massachusetts for 5 years and live and work there. At the end of 5 years, a panel of experts on New England's economy and culture rank your life in New Bedford on a scale of 1-10, with 10 meaning you lived as best as you possible could have given the constraints of New Bedford. If you score above a 7, you win $10,000,000. After 5 years are up, you are free to move out of New Bedford.
Option B: If you want to, every Sunday you can go to the center of the city you live in and stand for 12 hours with a sandwich board that has an advertisement on each side. Each time you do this, you earn $1,000. You get a 5 minute bathroom break every 2 hours. If you fail to stand for the whole 12 hours you must pay a $75 fine.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35891576) |
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Date: April 21st, 2018 11:00 PM Author: alcoholic roommate lodge
Option A: You receive complimentary round trip economy airfare to Dubai, where you will be given a 100 question test about airport codes. You know, those three letter acronyms for airports. If you score a 100% on this test, you win a card that lets you fly for free in business class on Emirates for the rest of your life. You'll spend 2 days in the UAE: the test takes an hour on Day 1, and the rest of the time you are free to explore with a $75 per diem.
Option B: You will be given 10 Civil War battles. You must put them in order from most casualties to fewest casualties. Once you turn in your answers, the proctor will tell you "you have x battles in the wrong place" and you'll have a chance to change your answers. If you can get a perfect score, you will receive a $175 annual travel credit for the rest of your life, which you can apply only to Uber/Lyft rides, taxis, and public transit fare.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35891603) |
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Date: April 23rd, 2018 2:54 PM Author: razzle-dazzle mustard persian stage
almost certainly B. I could really save an entire country from GC decadence with this.
I would probably pick this ALPHA.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zhang_Zongchang
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35901958) |
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Date: April 22nd, 2018 12:38 AM Author: alcoholic roommate lodge
Option A: You are given 10 small penguins to take care of FOR A YEAR. They're like this: https://www.quarkexpeditions.com/sites/default/files/styles/content-slideshow/public/wildlife/walkthiswaycarcass-island-falklands-3.jpg
One of the penguins is specially trained to spy on drug smuggling. The other nine penguins are talentless decoys. You don't know which one is the trained penguin. Your job is to make sure that the trained penguin survives the whole year, because there are drug cartels trying to kill him. You are given a one-time payment for $100,000 for making security improvements to your house and/or making your house more penguin friendly, plus all your spending on penguin food is reimbursed. If you succeed, you get $3 million as a reward.
Option B: You are given a baby Komodo Dragon. You must take care of it for three years as it grows into a vicious adult. If the dragon is still alive and healthy after three years, you get $1.5 million now plus an extra $200,000 in ten years. You are given $75,000 to cover supplies plus house modifications for the dragon.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35892052) |
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Date: April 22nd, 2018 12:32 PM Author: alcoholic roommate lodge
Option A: As part of a contest, you are given ONE WEEK to visit as many airports as you possibly can. By "visit" we mean either go inside of, land at, or take off from, any one of these will satisfy. The only restriction is that during that one week you can only spend $10,000 on transportation costs. That $10,000 will be reimbursed at the end of the week. If you visit more airports than your competitor, you win $1,000,000. All you know about your competitor is that he or she is a current college student who has been to 11 different countries.
Option B: You are given $500,000 worth of stock in a diverse portfolio of startups headquartered in the Indian cities of Mumbai and Hyderabad. You are not allowed to sell any of this stock for five years.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35893874) |
Date: April 22nd, 2018 12:59 PM Author: Balding Marketing Idea
Option A: You are turned into a highly amorous, HIV-infested monkey. Your owner, the warden of a major South American prison, likes to set you loose on disobedient inmates where you have your way with them at your pleasure. At the end of three years, if the HIV hasn't killed you, you turn back into yourself with $5,000,000.
Option B: Option A but you don't turn back
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3955981&forum_id=2#35894034) |
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