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Saw Solo today, theater was only 20% full. This film is going to -=>BOMB<=-
| ungodly spot | 05/24/18 |
| ungodly spot | 05/24/18 |
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Date: May 24th, 2018 11:04 PM Author: ungodly spot A person who assembles a packed lunch of hard boiled eggs, tomatoes, salted herring, and tea in a thermos, all of which are to be unwrapped in a public place atop a copy of PRAVDA and devoured noisily, preferably while in ones yellowing undergarments, to a combination of anti-semitic palaver, garbled recordings of Igor Sklyar emanating from a rusted red Lada parked by the artificial river, and the putrid smoke of Prima and Belomor-Krai. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3986011&forum_id=2#36123269) |
Date: May 24th, 2018 11:16 PM Author: ungodly spot Han walks up to an empire recruitment desk and says he's alone and has no last name, to which the officer says, "Ah well I'll call you Han... let's see you're all alone... SOLO" Han is thrown into a pit and it's literally identical to the Rancor scene, except Chewie emerges from the cave Han convinces Chewie to be friends with him by making fucking wookie noises, because for some reason he speaks wookie "Your name's Chewbacca? That name's too long, I'm gonna have to give you a nickname!" Han gets his (((iconic))) pistol from a smuggler and literally carries that same pistol for the rest of his life, I can't make this shit up Han's gf, who he had to abandon on his shitty home planet years before, is coincidentally on the exact same fucking planet Han ended up on years later and works for the villain of the movie which is NEVER EXPLAINED the gang recruits Lando and the Falcon to steal from the mines of Kessel Lando's sassy robo lady sidekick screams about "equal rights" for robots the whole movie and starts a robot revolution on Kessel she gets killed and Lando puts her fucking brain inside the Falcon's computer, meaning the Falcon has secretly had consciousness in it for the entire OT as they escape Kessel, they get chased, and Lando shouts "there's no way to make the Kessel Run in less than 20 parsecs!" Han uses a gravity well to do it in 12 (remember when RLM literally said this would happen as a joke?) the leader of the bandits who've been chasing them the whole movie takes off his helmet and it's literally a dramatic "HE WAS ACTUALLY A BROWN WOMAN AND ALSO THE LEADER OF THE NEW REBELLION" reveal, I'm not fucking kidding Han Fucking Solo, the guy who was a complete scumbag and wanting nothing to do with the rebellion in the OT, decides to give up millions of credits of smuggled cargo to give it to the rebellion because it's "the right thing to do"
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