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American male explains troubles in coping with querulous FAT WIFE (DTP)
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Date: July 16th, 2018 4:29 PM Author: Charcoal Community Account My wife (28F) and I have been together for 7 years, married for 3 months.
I (27M) have lost about 65 lbs in the past year and have become a healthier person. She however, has gained a small amount of weight and has become extremely uncomfortable and insecure, despite me telling her every day that she is beautiful and that there is nothing wrong with the way she looks. I have always been extremely kind and encouraging to her and have strived to help her maintain a positive body image.
A few months ago leading up to our wedding, she asked for my help with getting healthy and slimming down, but whenever any advice was given she only pushed back ("I don't want to do it that way, I want to do it my way"). I gave up after a week or so.
Last week she confessed to me (unprovoked) that she had been going to the store almost once a day to buy a pint of ice cream, and that she could not stop eating snacks at work. A couple of days after that, she again asked for help and said "I'm ready to listen to you, I'm ready to get healthy". So yesterday, we went to the grocery store, we stocked up on healthy items, and went about our day. Later in the evening closer to supper, we were both enjoying a beer as we prepared supper. She then told me how hungry she was and just couldn't wait 30 minutes for it to be ready and proceeded to make herself a snack of chips and salsa.
Preface for the following: *There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a small snack before dinner*
About 10-15 chips and another beer in, I simply suggest to her that she "might want to think about not having too many chips since dinner will be ready soon." She asked what I meant by that, so without really stopping to think (dumb me) I said "you just drank 120 calories, and you've already just eaten about 300 calories worth of chips and salsa, you might want to slow down. " Once again, dumb me; I thought she may have been more receptive to that being that she had just asked for health/nutrition/eating advice a day before. I did not make the statement in a derogatory or demeaning tone, I was simply trying to be helpful.
To wrap up a long post, the night ended up with her telling me again "I don't want your help, I don't want to do it your way, I want to do it the way I want to, you're being too controlling of me", and me trying to talk through things with her but ultimately I ended up just saying "f this" and walking away out of complete frustration and confusion. We haven't spoken after that.
I'm at a loss and I'm not sure what to do.
TL;DR - Wife asks for help with health/weight/nutrition, gets hostile when help is given. Advice?
**edit** - Forgot to mention that female perspectives would be greatly appreciated.
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Date: July 16th, 2018 4:35 PM Author: lemon fortuitous meteor liquid oxygen They seem like they have excellent communication skills...
This whole "overly controlling" meme is really just giving women an excuse to do what they want. It also makes their long term relationships suck so they end up being incredibly unhappy and often alone. |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 4:36 PM Author: Charcoal Community Account american women (and men) undergo a complete break from reality when it comes to their morbid obesity (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4027563&forum_id=2#36439061) |
Date: July 16th, 2018 4:32 PM Author: Charcoal Community Account (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4027563&forum_id=2#36439036) |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 4:37 PM Author: Misunderstood lodge women dislike minimal discomfort and are much better thinking about making healthy changes and spending money on books or apps to prepare for changes (not to mention lulu lemon clothes) than actually doing anything for more than a week. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4027563&forum_id=2#36439074) |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 4:42 PM Author: Charcoal Community Account typical weight loss post by a woman:
[–]Chazzyphant [score hidden] 3 hours ago
Ooh gotcha. Okay well, speaking as someone who was ULTRA resistant to dieting (for good reason as it's hell on earth) using CICO, the change had to come from within. It was emotional for me. I cried the other day because I've given up drinking and now I'm only "allowed" 1500 calories a day and I have to watch every little bite that goes in my mouth. My social life is shot and I felt in that moment that I had NOTHING to enjoy or look forward to each day. I DETEST being rigid about eating. It goes against every bone in my body. If I want to pile on chips and dip before dinner I want to, okay?
But I also want to lose weight. I had to "come to Jesus" the way I did with drinking and accept that uncomfortable sacrifices now mean big gainz later. It's just HARD as all get out.
I had to have a complete change in my outlook to get to this point. I think she has to get to that point too.
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Date: July 16th, 2018 4:44 PM Author: Misunderstood lodge i was already in great shape and I just lost 15 pounds in 3 months by cutting out 2/3 of my shit carbs, no more soda and being committed to exercise.
The lack of commitment is a disease of the female gender. |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 4:46 PM Author: Charcoal Community Account tbf, there are some women who can manage their weight, but they're shrewy and neurotic.
men want the light-hearted silly girls for their femininity, but along with that comes an inability to think rationally or carry out plans. |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 5:06 PM Author: Misunderstood lodge for all your mental illness on interacting with women, this is scholarship on the way they think (or don't think). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4027563&forum_id=2#36439298) |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 5:15 PM Author: crusty primrose international law enforcement agency "I had NOTHING to enjoy or look forward to each day."
Lol why is food the only thing that can bring her enjoyment? |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 5:18 PM Author: Misunderstood lodge the rest of her life is not enjoyable unless her stomach is full of shit carbs. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4027563&forum_id=2#36439379) |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 5:16 PM Author: Vengeful circlehead (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4027563&forum_id=2#36439364) |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 5:45 PM Author: Jet-lagged spot (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4027563&forum_id=2#36439533) |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 4:42 PM Author: Heady property (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4027563&forum_id=2#36439122) |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 5:13 PM Author: crusty primrose international law enforcement agency *eats snacks all day at work*
*says she's STARVING at home and cannot wait 30 minutes for dinner to be ready* |
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Date: July 16th, 2018 10:47 PM Author: Charcoal Community Account (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4027563&forum_id=2#36441533) |