woke up with a huge shit stain in her apartment after we thought the worst of it was over. she helped me gather up the sheets and scrub the mattress, and it was still pretty early in our relationship. wife material. brought me soup and took care of me for the rest of the day.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4080945&forum_id=2#36837703)

one of those weird things i remember pretty clearly

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4080945&forum_id=2#36837763)

i had a 7-11 coffee that, in retrospect, i realize was contaminated with bacteria.

i was in a suit, because i had to arrive straight from work, with the brief stop at 7-11 for some caffeine after a long day being my only interruption.

i am drinking my coffee as i run practice. an hour in, my stomach starts to rumble. i try to fight it off. 20 minutes later, it is 10 minutes before practice ends.

i can't fight it off any more.

i tell my assistant coach to wrap up practice. i'm not feeling well. some parents were watching, arriving early to pick up their kids, which adds to the embarrassment.

problem is, it was early in the season and i didn't know where the bathrooms were in the school we were assigned gym time.

i frantically run around in search of porcelain, but the clock is ticking. fast.

after about 45 seconds, i'm in trouble.

unable to locate a restroom, i sprint outside. it's dark. 9 pm.

cars are pulling up to pick up their children, the ones i'm entrusted with coaching.

i change my sprint to an extremely fast walk and, in a flurry of improvisation, decide to go in an alley toward the back of the school.

i drop my pants to shit on the blacktop, but it's already too late. it started forcing its way out seconds before. in my new suit.

i tear off a handful of grass and do my best to wipe. i get into my car, humiliated, and have to drive home. i was living with my parents temporarily at the time, so i knew the ignominy wasn't over.

and it sure wasn't.

i had left my dress coat inside the gym.

i had to call my assistant coach and have him bring my coat to my car. i tried barely cracking the driver's side door open.

but, let's face it, the stench was overwhelming. he slid me my coat between the thin space i had allowed, gagging upon reflex when it opened.

we never talked about it again.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4080945&forum_id=2#36837787)

i'm actually fairly proud i wrote this off the top of my head from a memory from a few years ago. not something i had prepared or saved or anything like that. but definitely not flame. 100% accurate.

i always assume i'm going early dementia. so it feels good to contribute to a high iq medium like xo & have a poaster appreciate it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4080945&forum_id=2#36838226)

just did. still good.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4080945&forum_id=2#36838621)

Last full on shit my pants was August 17, 2016 - I have a pic and just looked it up. Story isn't remarkable (ordinary timing miscalculation) but it could have been if I wasn't at home. Ended up on the floor, on and around the toilet, and on my underwear, shorts, and socks. The shitty (hehe) part was that my wife was irritated with the kid that day so when I was begging for some help from our guest bathroom she either didn't hear me or ignored me, so I had to wrap a towel around myself and trudge up to our bathroom with a poopy ass.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4080945&forum_id=2#36838267)

Sadly, the turtle followed his cough and I could feel the load in my shorts. As quickly as I could at the next pause, I ran to the bathroom. Shit had permeated my shorts and exuded through my suit pants. Threw the underwear in the garbage, put shit stained pants on and ran out of office.

took cab home, showered, changed, cab back to office. gone for no more than 20 mins. rejoined CLE like it was NBD. However I refused to sit in my old chair, as I knew shit had leaked through pants onto it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4080945&forum_id=2#36838706)

normally this would have been the move, but the timing was fucked. right at first light as flyers are starting to come in. the other 5 guys would have been pissed if I spooked the ducks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4080945&forum_id=2#36840821)