Tony: Is this fucking necessary Sil with the preludes. What the fuck is it.

Sil: Well this is a very..very intricate situation and you’ve got a tendency to well..anyways I know Meadow and Sally Boy’s son Luigi uh you know you and Carm had some high hopes for that coming to fruition.

Tony: The kids got three degrees from Penn in computers and looks like a fucking movie star, he’d be a dream for Carmela. But what do I need to know about him. If he’s fucking around with one of the girls here Meadow certainly don’t need to know about that and I don’t want to hear about it either Sil. He’s a young man and there’s no ring on my daughter’s finger.

Sil: Its nothing like that, Ton. Like I said the situation is uh intricate. You heard about the big shot insurance guy got taken out in the City last week?

Tony: Of course I fucking heard about it. Sil are you alright?

Sil: well there’s no easy way to say this but..well Luigi got pinched at a McDonald’s in Pennsylvania. It’s uh looking like he may have been involved.Some fucking workers at McDonald’s said they recognized him from the security footage and well Ton, I think they might be right here (hands Tony phone)

Tony: this could be fucking anybody! (Breathes deeply). You think this kids named Lawrence instead of Luigi he gets picked up like this Sil. Have you learned nothing from the feds busting our balls for 20 fucking years?

Sil: Ton he got picked up with a plastic gun.they say it was made from some sort of special printer. No serial number. Plus 4 fake ids. He’s getting extradited to the City they say.

Tony: Motherfucker!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5647704&forum_id=2\u0026hid=",#48435113)

Carmela kicked Tony out not just because he cheated, but because the Russian chick's phone call crossed a boundary into her home life

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5647704&forum_id=2\u0026hid=",#48436472)

Banging a one-legged Russian lady in a very indiscrete way is a no-no

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5647704&forum_id=2\u0026hid=",#48436518)

Tony sits at the kitchen island, hands pressed against his temples. Carmela aggressively loads the dishwasher, each plate hitting with increasing force.

CARMELA

(slamming a plate)

Three degrees. Three! And he's printing guns in his basement like some psychopath?

TONY

Will you stop with the fucking plates already? Jesus Christ.

The back door swings open. Ralphie enters with Janice trailing behind.

RALPHIE

T, I just heard about the wonderkid. Like Marcus Aurelius says in Gladiator - "Your faults as a son are my failures as a father."

(laughing)

Though in this case, it ain't exactly your fault, is it?

TONY

(standing suddenly)

You think this is fucking funny?

JANICE

Actually, Tony, I might know someone who could help. This guy I dated in Seattle was big into computers—

CARMELA

(interrupting)

Oh, here we go. Another one of Janice's miracle solutions. What's next, your Buddhist monk friend's gonna meditate the charges away?

RALPHIE

(to Tony)

Look, these tech kids, they're like modern-day gladiators. Instead of swords, they got keyboards. Maybe the kid was just—

TONY

(exploding)

Will you shut the fuck up about gladiators! My daughter was gonna marry this kid! Now I got the feds probably thinking we're running some kind of... fucking 3D printed weapons operation!

CARMELA

(near tears)

All those dinners. All those hints about grandchildren...

JANICE

Well, maybe if you hadn't pushed so hard—

TONY & CARMELA

(in unison)

SHUT UP, JANICE!

Ralphie raises his hands in surrender, backing toward the door.

RALPHIE

I'm gonna let you folks work this out. But T, when you're ready to talk strategy...

Tony grabs an orange from the counter and hurls it at the closing door.

CARMELA

(softly)

What are we gonna tell Meadow?

TONY

(deflating)

The truth. Sometimes smart people do stupid things.

The sound of a plate SHATTERING in the dishwasher punctuates the silence.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5647704&forum_id=2\u0026hid=",#48438895)

Phil Leotardo sits rigid in his chair, jaw clenched, while Little Carmine attempts to mediate. Tony lounges back, deliberately casual, though there's tension in his shoulders.

LITTLE CARMINE

So this thing with Sally Boy's kid... it's created quite the tsunami of consequences. A real Lebanon type situation.

PHIL

(sneering)

You mean quagmire, you fucking strunz.

TONY

What the fuck are you two talking about? This is a family matter. My family.

LITTLE CARMINE

With all due respect, Tony, when someone prints weapons with a computer, it creates certain... how do you say... ramifications that proliferate throughout all our families.

PHIL

(leaning forward)

Twenty years I did in the can. Twenty fucking years. You know what we did to guys who brought heat into the family? And now we got some college kid with a fancy printer making plastic guns?

TONY

First of all, there's nothing connecting any of us to what that kid did—

LITTLE CARMINE

Actually, Tony, that's not entirely accurate in its accuracy. Word is the feds are looking into everyone who ever had dinner with the kid. It's like that philosopher Confucius said, "The buck stops here."

TONY

(rubbing his temples)

That was Truman, you fucking skifooza.

PHIL

You know what your problem is, Anthony? Always thinking you can control everything. Your daughter, your family, these fucking tech nerds. Well, guess what? Sometimes the medicine cabinet opens and all the pills fall out.

TONY

The fuck did you just say?

LITTLE CARMINE

What Phil is trying to say with much veracity is that we need to distance ourselves from this situation. Create a sort of... mutual detachment through synchronized ignorance.

PHIL

(standing)

Bottom line - this kid better not try to flip. 'Cause if he does, it ain't gonna be no computer getting whacked.

TONY

(rising quickly)

You threatening my daughter's boyfriend?

LITTLE CARMINE

(quickly stepping between them)

Gentlemen, please! Let's not let this situation deprecate into violence. We need to handle this with the utmost fertility.

PHIL

I'm done here. But remember what I said, Anthony. Some things can't be printed on a computer.

Phil storms out, letting the door slam behind him.

LITTLE CARMINE

(to Tony)

Well, that didn't emigrate as planned. Perhaps we should have been more observatory in our approach.

TONY

Carmine, you know what? Do me a favor. Next time you want to help? Don't.

Tony exits, leaving Little Carmine alone with his linguistic disasters.

LITTLE CARMINE

(to himself)

The road to hell is paved with good intimations.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5647704&forum_id=2\u0026hid=",#48438917)