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Ok it's over - Why White-Collar Men Are Obsessed With the Perfect Lawn
| Non sequitur | 07/09/26 |
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Date: July 9th, 2026 12:59 PM Author: Non sequitur Why White-Collar Men Are Obsessed With the Perfect Lawn Lush turf can be just as much of an office status symbol as a killer golf swing
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A hand in a business suit holding scissors to cut a blade of grass. Philotheus Nisch for WSJ Callum Borchers By Callum Borchers July 8, 2026 9:00 pm ET
As a successful sales consultant, Dave Won gets a lot of satisfaction from his hard-earned green.
I am referring, of course, to the verdant lawn that he cares for like one of his children.
“I’m competitive,” he says. “My neighbors have good lawns, but I’m going to try to get a better lawn than them.”
For a lot of office workers—OK, mostly middle-aged male office workers—a manicured lawn is as much a status symbol as a luxury car in the driveway. Excelling at work and yardwork fits the modern professional’s fixation on optimizing everything. The office biohacker who won’t shut up about his sleep score may also blab about nitrogen levels in his soil.
And there’s a hidden financial flex. Hiring landscapers can achieve the same aesthetic and flash disposable income. But a trendy personal-finance axiom is that there are three levels of wealth: mowing your own lawn, paying someone else to do it, then…mowing your own lawn.
TV sporting events now include almost as many commercials for lush green grass as little blue pills. My current favorite is a Roundup herbicide spot featuring actor Ed Quinn in the same kind of canvas trucker jacket worn by Pedro Pascal in “The Last of Us.”
If weekend warriors can’t slay zombies on a dystopian battlefield, at least they can massacre dandelions in their backyards. Like a killer golf swing or rock-hard glutes, a perfect lawn is a way for people who make a living with their minds to prove they are good at something physical too.
A person's hands opening a briefcase filled with lush green grass and glowing light, sitting on a grassy lawn. Philotheus Nisch for WSJ And unlike athletic pursuits that can seem elitist—think skiing or windsurfing in exotic locales—mowing the lawn can make accomplished professionals seem more relatable.
It’s a way to bond with co-workers, much like chatting about other shared hobbies or the latest World Cup game. Being able to banter about blade height and the best time to aerate also gains you access to an office subculture.
Alas, I remain an outsider. I have the ugliest lawn in my neighborhood. There’s a dead spot on the former site of a bounce house, and the detritus of five children suggests, at all times, that we are running the world’s chintziest yard sale.
Cut me some slack—or, better yet, my lawn. I’m busy with work, DIY projects and did I mention the five kids? But that, according to one of America’s leading authorities on lawn care, is not a get-out-of-jail-free card.
“That’s a lousy excuse,” scolded former Speaker of the House John Boehner when I described my situation to him.
In case you’ve forgotten, mowing the lawn was central to Boehner’s everyman image when he was in office. Social media photos and videos of the Ohio Republican operating his pull-start Toro were a rite of spring.
See more... “I’m just a regular guy who used to have a big job,” he told me recently.
But I didn’t call Boehner to discuss political theater. If I had, he wouldn’t have picked up. The man who was once among the most powerful people in Washington is tired of talking about America’s current leaders.
Boehner hadn’t granted an interview in a year until I asked him to help me understand why white-collar men are obsessed with their lawns. He was on the phone with me within 20 minutes.
The secret, he explained, is that mowing the lawn is a cover story. What looks to others like a chore is actually a refuge from screens, co-workers, children and everything else that demands mental energy.
“Think of this as taking time for yourself,” Boehner advised. “Now, you don’t want to tell anybody that, all right? They might not let you do it if they think you’re enjoying it. Cutting the grass will be the smallest of the benefits. You’ll get a lot more out of taking your time and forgetting about all kinds of things. It’s healthy for you.”
A hand in a business suit measures a blade of grass with a ruler against a blue sky with clouds. Philotheus Nisch for WSJ This makes all the counterintuitive sense in the world. Hard-charging professionals might seem too busy for yardwork. But the more overloaded their minds become, the more they pine for a hands-on task—ideally one so noisy that nothing can interrupt their precious solitude.
Won, the sales consultant, sometimes listens to a work-related podcast while riding his lawn tractor. Usually, though, he cranks up country music to “just disconnect for a little bit.”
He recently posted a photo of his freshly mowed yard online, and the responses help explain the appeal of lawn care among guys with desk jobs.
“I love taking pride in our yard,” wrote one commenter who works in cybersecurity. “Grass lines hit different when you create them.”
“There is an enjoyment of craftsmanship,” added a financial planner. “I just completed my yardwork today. And this was immediately after a hard gym session.”
Apparently some people’s mowers run on testosterone instead of gasoline.
Won notes business relationships can take months or even years to bear fruit, so he relishes the immediate results of an hour on his riding mower. The additional effort he puts in—seeding, watering, fertilizing, aerating—is a reflection of his professional work ethic.
“People who know me know that once I take ownership of something, I’m going all out,” he says. |