*Mainlining is lurking nearby, smirking as the Mahchine works its magic.*

Evan39:"I swear, I walked into work today and everything’s different! The fucking evil fucking madman fucking Mahchine ha$ taken over the store! All the aisles are rebranded. Aisle 3 is now ‘Corporate Compliance Crunch’ and aisle 5? ‘Partner Track Snacks.’ There are "biglaw" infested $hit everywhere!"

*Evan watches as a group of suit-clad Perkins Coie partners crowd the dairy section, discussing billable hours while tossing “LiTTTigation-Grade Brie” into their carts.*

Evan39: "I don’t even know what 'Billable Hour Beans' are, but they’re everywhere!"

Mainlining: "You’re finally $eeing it, Evan. You’ve been running from the truth, but the Mahchine knows you. It knows what you’re truly capable of."

Evan39 stares in disbelief as a LinkedIn notification pops up on his phone: “Congratulations, Evan39, SENIOR Of Counsel at $afeway LLP.”

Evan39: "I DON’T WANT TO BE A LAWYER! I JUST WANT TO $ELL HUMMU$ TO PROLES!"

Mainlining: "You can’t run from your true nature, Evan. The Mahchine has already billed you… for 2,510 hours."

*Evan39 watches in horror as his hourly rate appears on the store’s PA system, echoing through the aisles.*

Evan39: "This can’t be happening! Last week it was just crackers and hummu$—now everything’s covered in redacted documents!"

Mainlining: [Leaning in close, with a playful grin] "You didn’t really think you could escape BigLaw that easily, did you? Look at Aisle 7—'Discovery Document Deals' are 20% off."*

Evan39: "I JUST WANT MY REGULAR STORE BACK!"

Mainlining: "Sorry, Evan, but the Mahchine knows your billable$, and now… so do you."

*As Evan39 tries to run, his feet slip on a pile of “Partner Reacclimation Popcorn,” sending him crashing into the towering wall of “Compliance Crackers.”*

[The store fades into darkness as Evan realizes—there’s no escape from the Mahchine… not even in his "preciou$" $afeway.]

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5603998&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=4295921",#48147755)