When I asked HR for support, Tabitha, in full chicken grease mode, sighed like I’d asked her to solve world hunger. “Evan, your manager job description, at the bottom, includes ‘other duties as assigned.’ Congrats! You’re now raccoon cleanup crew.”

Armed with a trash bag and a broken broomstick, I spent the next hour hauling the decomposing carcass to the dumpster while customers gagged at the stench. Jerry stood nearby, live-streaming the whole ordeal, laughing: “Look at Evan McFaggot — he’s finally doing something like a man!”

I reeked of death for the rest of my shift. Leaned against the dumpster, whispered, “Yes, friend. This is fine.”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5630910&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5304212",#48315108)