Jennifer Senior's New York magazine piece on contemporary parenting is both honest and measured in its examination of how having kids these days generally tends to make people (or, at least the kind of people who read New York magazine) unhappy.

But as someone who's worked professionally in the field of early childhood education for 20 years—as a classroom teacher, preschool director, youth researcher, parenting columnist, and author of an instructive non-fiction book—I noticed that it was sorely lacking in two things.

First, it failed to offer any sort of line out of this tragic rut for these sad moms and dads. Having successfully advised many thousands of families on how to make their lives, and the lives of their children, not only easier but happier, I can testify that real solutions do exist, and they involve positivist discipline, clear limits and routines, a trained ability to burst out of the Parenting Bubble and gain perspective, and the repetition (and activation) of the me-time mantra "I am a parent and a person."

But the article's second hole was even more glaring. While it detailed the downward-spiraling economic value of having offspring, and discussed the myriad scientific findings on the greater relative happiness of people who don't have kids versus those that do, it operated from the assumption that procreating is still somehow the right thing to do, and thus failed to ask the all-important question, Why Have Kids in the First Place?

Whenever I hear that a friend has begun the trying process of trying, or is considering attempting what I like to call The Ultimate Vanity Project, I often follow up by asking them, “Why?” If they were going to adopt a rescued greyhound, trade in their Prius for an S.U.V., or even ponder a bright-colored accent wall in their living room, they'd be expected have some sort of well-sorted grounds for taking action. But the response to this line of inquiry is often nothing more than a blank stare.

I'm not looking for nuggets of transcendent genius. But given the overwhelming evidence Senior assembles, isn't it fair to expect some sort of real answer? “I always wanted one” wouldn't cut it as a rationale for buying an expensive purse, and “My instincts told me to,” won't even get you out of a traffic ticket, so why are these good enough for creating a new human life? (And don't even try the whole continuation-of-the-species line; I think we can all agree that human domination of the Earth is in no urgent need of your individual assistance.)

As someone who elementally understands how children work, and has seen first-hand the joy and havoc they wreak, I've made the very conscious decision not to have any, and I can provide you with a wide-ranging list of reasons why. So people, please tell me, what's your excuse?

https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2010/07/why-have-kids

Brett Berk writes gaily about culture, politics, and cars for VF.com, and is the author of The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting. Visit him at www.brettberk.com or follow him on Twitter.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47814808)

Jfc.

Maybe something different between buying a purse and reproducing, which humans including your ancestors have done for millennia, you dumb fucking bitch.

“or, at least the kind of people who read New York magazine” hmm…

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47814931)

State your why and you’re off the hook. Hint: you won’t.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47815013)

The failure to appreciate that a line created 10,000 generations before them ends now because of their selfishness

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47819375)

That's why kids suck. Create them, create trouble.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47815302)

But if you're miserable, hate your job, and don't have your life together, having a kid to bring "joy" won't create the best possible connection with them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47817835)

You can’t be “certain” of anything in regard to kids of course. Like anything else in life there is risk.

Lol at not doing it because of “wars” and “climate change” and “AI” though, that’s fucking retarded you goddamn pathetic panicked zoomer.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47818139)

😂😂

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47818157)

I agree it’s subjective, but in my estimation the median person at 60 years old is happier with kids than their equivalent counterpart without kids.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47818134)

If you want to have a kid, then have one. If you don't, then don't. I don't understand why that statement is so controversial to so many people.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47818615)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47818622)

If you don't contribute kids, you're a shitbag free rider.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47818648)

So who should have kids by your estimation

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47819495)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47820640)

Having said all that, 8 billion miracles seems like more than enough. There's got to be an optimal number of people on this planet, and I think we're well past it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47819532)

That said I wake up every day looking forward to my mornings with my boys; nothing competes with it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47819892)

Shamefully brown

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47819898)

She immediately went for restraining order (after she broke my nose) + child support but I still love my son infinitely

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47819998)

They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you.

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310481",#47820246)