The most prestigious law school admissions discussion board in the world.
|
 |
 
|
MOTION TO APPOINT GUARDIAN AD LITEM IN CALISHITLAWGURU DIVORCE CASE
| Marshall W. Waller | 12/06/25 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: December 6th, 2025 6:17 PM Author: Marshall W. Waller ASIAN HOTWIFE, Plaintiff,
v.
CALISHITLAWGURU, Respondent.
Case No. _________
NOTICE OF MOTION AND MOTION FOR APPOINTMENT OF GUARDIAN AD LITEM FOR THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE AUTOADMIT.COM COMMUNITY (“THE BOARD”)
TO ALL PARTIES AND THEIR COUNSEL OF RECORD:
PLEASE TAKE NOTICE that Plaintiff Asian Hotwife hereby moves this Court for an order appointing a Guardian ad Litem (“GAL”) to represent the best interests of the law school discussion board AutoAdmit.com and its Poasters (“the Board”), in connection with determining custodial rights to the community login credentials (the “Credentials”) currently contested between Plaintiff and Respondent calishitlawguru.
This motion is made on the following grounds:
MEMORANDUM OF POINTS AND AUTHORITIES I. INTRODUCTION
AutoAdmit.com is a fragile, misunderstood, and frequently intoxicated online community whose welfare demands the utmost judicial protection. Its Poasters — a protected class under the doctrines of Internet Chaos Jurisprudence — depend on the steady supply of outrageous content, humble-brags, and occasional cries for help that only a carefully vetted custodial Poaster may provide.
Given the escalating dispute between Respondent calishitlawguru (“CSLG”) and Plaintiff Asian Hotwife (“AHW”), the Board’s well-being can no longer be entrusted to self-regulation, blank bumps, or the traditional method of sockpuppeting in a thread. A neutral GAL must be appointed to safeguard the Board’s future.
II. STATEMENT OF FACTS A. Respondent: calishitlawguru
Respondent is a self-described Jewish, self-made plaintiffs’ attorney who has amassed approximately $30 million in net worth through the industrious practice of aggressively inflating medical bills related to minor fender-benders.
He presents online as a swoll, buff, swinger-adjacent alpha with more porn-star girlfriends than an off-brand documentary on late-night cable.
However, credible evidence indicates that Respondent:
Coerced his spouse into a portfolio of “activities” not typically recommended by marriage counselors;
Has become a walking midlife-crisis cliché by allegedly abandoning his family in favor of a 24-year-old with whom he shares no common assets other than poor judgment; and
Has nonetheless produced numerous high-volume 100+ poast threads, most of which consist of pure bragging, self-mythologizing, and emotional exfoliation.
The Board has historically thrived on such content.
B. Plaintiff: Asian Hotwife
Plaintiff does not currently maintain a posting history on AutoAdmit. However, she is Asian.
And as every Poaster knows, this grants her a presumptive natural right to any and all screen names, logins, or “poasting privileges” under the well-established doctrine of In re Authenticity of Internet Personas (2008) 133 S.Ct. XKCD.
III. THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE BOARD REQUIRE APPOINTMENT OF A GUARDIAN AD LITEM
Under California Family Code § 3150, a guardian ad litem may be appointed where the interests of a minor are at stake. While the Board is not legally a minor, its emotional maturity is roughly equivalent to a 13-year-old boy who just learned about hedge funds and women at the same time.
A GAL is therefore essential.
The GAL should investigate and report on:
Which party is more likely to generate high-quality poasts,
Who will provide consistent, reliable drama,
Who can best sustain the Board’s natural ecosystem of boasting, insecurity, and questionable life choices, and
Who can maintain the login without resetting the password to something infuriating like “Hotwife4Real2026!!!”
IV. ANALYSIS OF CUSTODIAL FITNESS A. Respondent’s Strengths
Long-term Poaster with proven ability to generate threads exceeding 100 poasts;
Capable of creating content ranging from implausible sexual exploits to self-inflicted humiliation — a duality cherished by the Board;
Financially stable enough to hire professionals solely to photograph him “candidly.”
Makes RSF unreasonably angry.
B. Respondent’s Weaknesses
Prone to delusions of grandeur requiring regular moderator intervention;
Abandonment tendencies may lead to neglect of the Board during weekend getaways with interchangeable 24-year-olds;
May use login to recruit others into ethically dubious PI schemes.
C. Plaintiff’s Strengths
Asian.
That’s honestly enough for the Board.
D. Plaintiff’s Weaknesses
No prior poasting history;
V. CONCLUSION
For the reasons stated herein, Plaintiff respectfully requests that this Court:
Appoint a Guardian ad Litem for AutoAdmit.com and its Poasters;
Direct the GAL to determine which party shall receive custody of the Credentials;
Order Respondent to refrain from posting any additional “I pulled a 9/10 last night, taking Qs” threads until the GAL report is completed; and
Grant such other relief as this Court deems proper to protect the fragile dignity of the AutoAdmit community.
DATED: dECEMBER 6, 2025 Respectfully submitted,
Marshall W. Waller |