Why Have Kids?
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Date: July 6th, 2024 12:39 PM Author: Sapphire Property Sweet Tailpipe
She's not the only one who'll be miserable.
Jennifer Senior's New York magazine piece on contemporary parenting is both honest and measured in its examination of how having kids these days generally tends to make people (or, at least the kind of people who read New York magazine) unhappy.
But as someone who's worked professionally in the field of early childhood education for 20 years—as a classroom teacher, preschool director, youth researcher, parenting columnist, and author of an instructive non-fiction book—I noticed that it was sorely lacking in two things.
First, it failed to offer any sort of line out of this tragic rut for these sad moms and dads. Having successfully advised many thousands of families on how to make their lives, and the lives of their children, not only easier but happier, I can testify that real solutions do exist, and they involve positivist discipline, clear limits and routines, a trained ability to burst out of the Parenting Bubble and gain perspective, and the repetition (and activation) of the me-time mantra "I am a parent and a person."
But the article's second hole was even more glaring. While it detailed the downward-spiraling economic value of having offspring, and discussed the myriad scientific findings on the greater relative happiness of people who don't have kids versus those that do, it operated from the assumption that procreating is still somehow the right thing to do, and thus failed to ask the all-important question, Why Have Kids in the First Place?
Whenever I hear that a friend has begun the trying process of trying, or is considering attempting what I like to call The Ultimate Vanity Project, I often follow up by asking them, “Why?” If they were going to adopt a rescued greyhound, trade in their Prius for an S.U.V., or even ponder a bright-colored accent wall in their living room, they'd be expected have some sort of well-sorted grounds for taking action. But the response to this line of inquiry is often nothing more than a blank stare.
I'm not looking for nuggets of transcendent genius. But given the overwhelming evidence Senior assembles, isn't it fair to expect some sort of real answer? “I always wanted one” wouldn't cut it as a rationale for buying an expensive purse, and “My instincts told me to,” won't even get you out of a traffic ticket, so why are these good enough for creating a new human life? (And don't even try the whole continuation-of-the-species line; I think we can all agree that human domination of the Earth is in no urgent need of your individual assistance.)
As someone who elementally understands how children work, and has seen first-hand the joy and havoc they wreak, I've made the very conscious decision not to have any, and I can provide you with a wide-ranging list of reasons why. So people, please tell me, what's your excuse?
https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2010/07/why-have-kids
Brett Berk writes gaily about culture, politics, and cars for VF.com, and is the author of The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting. Visit him at www.brettberk.com or follow him on Twitter.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310486#47814808) |
Date: July 6th, 2024 1:13 PM Author: orchid field idiot
So mentally ill it’s off the charts.
Jfc.
Maybe something different between buying a purse and reproducing, which humans including your ancestors have done for millennia, you dumb fucking bitch.
“or, at least the kind of people who read New York magazine” hmm…
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310486#47814931) |
Date: July 6th, 2024 3:29 PM Author: mustard organic girlfriend
Adult humans suck. Small humans who are not yet in control of their emotions, behavior and need assistance 24/7 suck 1000x more than adult humans.
That's why kids suck. Create them, create trouble.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310486#47815302)
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Date: July 7th, 2024 3:21 PM Author: Irradiated Honey-headed Stead
Do you love your life, job, country, and other people? Are you certain your kids will too? If so, go ahead—you're in a good position to raise a new generation, especially considering current issues like wars, climate change, and AI implications.
But if you're miserable, hate your job, and don't have your life together, having a kid to bring "joy" won't create the best possible connection with them.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310486#47817835) |
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Date: July 7th, 2024 4:58 PM Author: Shimmering Heady Mood
I agree that losers shouldn’t have kids today for the most part, although having kids does cause a fair amount of people to get their shit together so even that is hard to predict.
You can’t be “certain” of anything in regard to kids of course. Like anything else in life there is risk.
Lol at not doing it because of “wars” and “climate change” and “AI” though, that’s fucking retarded you goddamn pathetic panicked zoomer.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310486#47818139) |
Date: July 7th, 2024 8:25 PM Author: Fuchsia abode
Discussions about kids are weird. If a person has (for example) the NFL Network, they may think it's the best thing in history and spend every Sunday watching it. Others may think it's lame and not worth spending money on it. And those who watch the NFL Network don't seem to think it's strange that other people don't like to watch it. But for some reason kid havers seem to feel the need to proselytize to the rest of the world that there is something wrong with non-kid havers. And to be fair, sometimes non-kid havers do the same thing.
If you want to have a kid, then have one. If you don't, then don't. I don't understand why that statement is so controversial to so many people.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310486#47818615) |
Date: July 8th, 2024 7:23 AM Author: lemon sanctuary indirect expression
I desperately want kids and am currently suffering through an existential crisis because I haven't had them yet, I'm getting older, and my wife is approaching her late 30s. Worse still, my mom would make the *best* grandmother (maybe even as good as her own mother was for me), and I know she desperately wants kids, too, and it breaks my heart. Pray for me bros.
Having said all that, 8 billion miracles seems like more than enough. There's got to be an optimal number of people on this planet, and I think we're well past it.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310486#47819532) |
Date: July 8th, 2024 10:20 AM Author: Shimmering Heady Mood
The biggest risk to having kids and fucking your life up isn’t the kids themselves; it’s doing it with the wrong woman. Relationship management is much harder than just keeping little kids alive. You gotta have a good partnership with your woman; it’s like running a business. She can ruin your life and your relationship with your kids if things go south.
That said I wake up every day looking forward to my mornings with my boys; nothing competes with it.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310486#47819892) |
Date: July 8th, 2024 12:12 PM Author: Swashbuckling giraffe legal warrant
Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5551246&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310486#47820246) |
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