Penelope steps off the plane at Grand Junction Regional Airport, still adjusting to the altitude. She’s been to Colorado before, but each time, the thin air reminds her of her last hiking adventure with Mainlining. He’s waiting at baggage claim, excited to see her.

Penelope: “I feel like I should’ve packed extra oxygen after the last time I was here.”

Mainlining: “Don’t worry, tonight’s more about decompressing. No summits, I swear. Just you, me, Boom, and Disco Fries for a night out in Grand Junction ;). Gunna be WILD.”

Penelope (raising an eyebrow): “Boom and Disco Fries? The obese guy and the brain-damaged guy you've pretended to be for 20 years on that 'shitbort?' as you call it. This should be... interesting.”

They embrace, (Mainlining simultaneously promptly grabbing her fine ass) and grabs her bags, leading her toward his pimped-the-fuck-out 2023 Colorado ZR2 Overland Build.

Scene: Night Out in Grand Junction

They arrive at a local bar in Grand Junction, where Boom and Disco Fries are already waiting at a table. Boom, in his usual state of demented brilliance, is staring intensely at a napkin, muttering something about conspiracy theories involving Evan39 and grocery stores. Disco Fries, as expected, is already working his way through a plate of fries and wings, his large frame squeezed into a booth designed for someone half his size.

Disco Fries: “Ah, Penelope! Welcome to the madhouse. Hope you’re ready for stories you’ll never unhear.”

Penelope (smiling, but wary): “After La Plata Peak, I feel like I can handle anything.”

Boom (suddenly, snapping out of his trance): “La Plata? Pfft. That’$ ju$t a hill. I once $ummited a mountain in the heart of the Pacific Ocean with nothing but a toothpick and a map drawn by Evan39 him$elf. The man’$ a genu$! Or a grocery clerk. $ame thing.”

Mainlining: “Boom's been on one of his ‘Evan39 is a high-profile lawyer secretly running the world from his grocery store’ kicks again.”

Penelope (laughing): “I thought I’d heard it all after the so-called "shitbort" threads, but seeing this in person is something else.”

Disco Fries (through a mouthful of wings): “This is nothing. Wait until he starts talking about his time in the admiralty court or that time he survived a grizzly bear attack by whispering to it.”

Boom: “That’$ a documented fact! And anyway, Evan39 wa$ with me the whole time, teaching the bear about libertarian ethic$.”

Penelope: “I have so many questions. But I’m not sure I want any of them answered.”

Scene: Drinks and AutoAdmit Stories

As the night rolls on, the group orders another round of drinks. Disco Fries is still working his way through an ever-growing pile of food, unbothered by the comments about his size. He’s heard it all before on XO and wears it like a badge of honor.

Mainlining leans in to tell a particularly memorable AutoAdmit story, while Boom starts rambling about his latest “discovery.”

Mainlining: “Remember that time Evan39 fake-linked an article about the grocery store wars in Seattle and convinced half the board he was running a covert legal op against BigLaw firms?”

Penelope (laughing): “That sounds about right for him.”

Boom (interrupting): “Grocery $tore war$? That’$ ju$t the $urface. Beneath that i$ a web of lie$, government e$pionage, and a bag of frozen pea$. Tru$t me, I wa$ there.”

Disco Fries: “Yeah, you’re not wrong. Evan’s been tricking people for a decade. But you know, I’ve always respected his consistency. Keeps things fresh, unlike Boom here, who thinks every napkin is a government document.”

Boom (deadpan): “That’$ becau$e it i$.”

Penelope: “Is it just me, or does Evan39 have some kind of thing for Mainlining? He’s always talking about him.”

Boom (rolling his eyes): “Of cour$e he doe$. He call$ him the ‘twink-hiker with lu$ciou$ hair.’ Every chance he get$, he compare$ him to me—the bald, brain-damaged ha$-been. I mean, we get it, Mainlining ha$ good hair. Move on, Evan!”

Mainlining (grinning): “I can’t help that my hair inspires love. It’s the Mahchine—keeps me sharp, keeps me strong.”

Disco Fries (laughing): “Yeah, Evan39 is obsessed. It’s like he’s always one napkin manifesto away from running a shrine in your honor.”

Boom: “Pfft. Hair’$ overrated.”

The group bursts out laughing, with Penelope trying to wrap her head around how such brilliant, bizarre characters have managed to create their own warped reality.

Scene: The Drive Home

After a night filled with chaotic conversation, heavy laughter, and Disco Fries consuming half the menu, they pile into Mainlining’s car. Boom is in the back seat, muttering half-coherent phrases about how he "could’ve stopped Evan39" if only the government hadn’t interfered.

Penelope (teasing): “So, do you guys just take turns living in these alternate realities, or is this an all-day, every day kind of thing?”

Mainlining (laughing): “A little of both, honestly. You never know what you’re going to get. That’s why I keep the Mahchine running strong.”

Penelope: “I have to say, I’m impressed. It’s like I stepped into a live version of the forum, but with even more fries.”

Mainlining: “Wait until you experience Boom on a hike. That’s when the real stories start.”

Scene: Back at Mainlining’s Place

Later, after dropping Disco Fries off at home (who loudly declared he needed a second dinner), Boom is still rambling about conspiracies as they pull up to Mainlining’s place.

Boom: “You’ll $ee. One day, Evan39 will reveal the truth about it all. The grocery $tore i$ ju$t the beginning.”

Penelope (smiling, but exhausted): “I’m not sure whether to be entertained or terrified.”

Mainlining (grinning): “Both are accurate reactions.”

As they say goodnight to Boom, he wheels himself toward the house, but suddenly turns back with a serious look in his eyes.

Boom: “Hey… $o, I’ll ju$t cra$h in the $ame room a$ you two. You know… becau$e you’re both the $ame per$on. I’ve known thi$ for year$, Mainlining. You can’t hide it anymore.”

Mainlining (raising an eyebrow): “Boom, what are you talking about?”

Boom (matter-of-fact): “You and Penelope—$ame per$on. Don’t try to ga$light me. I’m ju$t going to $et up my wheelchair over in the corner and call Evan39 to join. He’ll confirm everything once he’$ done grocery-clerking for the night.”

Penelope (wide-eyed, but now firmly standing her ground): “Wait, WHAT? You are not staying in our room, Boom.”

Boom (already dialing on his phone): “We’ll get to the bottom of thi$ tonight. Evan39 ha$ all the an$wer$.”

Before Mainlining can say anything, Penelope steps forward, grabs the back of Boom’s wheelchair, and with a sharp grin, says, “If you think you're sleeping in the same room with us, you’ve got another thing coming, Boom. I’ll drag you back down this driveway myself if I have to!”

Mainlining (laughing): “I’d listen to her, Boom. She means business.”

Boom (ignoring them both): “Evan, buddy, pick up. It’$ time to put the$e lie$ to bed…”

Penelope, with a mock sigh, wheels Boom back toward the car as Mainlining tries to stifle his laughter.

The night ends with Penelope successfully wrangling Boom away, making it clear that no matter what wild theories he conjures, there are some boundaries that won't be crossed—especially in her space!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5603000&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310684",#48141778)

It’s the next day, and despite the previous night’s chaos, Mainlining, Penelope, Boom, and Disco Fries are determined to tackle a 14'er. They've chosen Mount Sneffels, one of the closest 14'ers to Grand Junction. The problem? It’s already 10:00 AM, and they’re still lounging in Mainlining’s kitchen, downing breakfast burritos.

Penelope: "Aren’t we, like, really late for this hike? Starting now... during monsoon season?"

Mainlining (shrugging): "We’ll be fine. It’s only a 14'er. You’re with the Mahchine, remember?"

Disco Fries (still finishing off his second burrito): "Late start’s no big deal. I’ve done this before. As long as we’re moving by, what, noon? We’ll make the summit easy."

Boom (with a grin): "I’ve summited peak$ at midnight in $andstorm$ with nothing but a map drawn by Evan39 on a napkin. What could go wrong?"

Penelope (rolling her eyes): "Famous last words."

Scene: The Trailhead

By the time they reach the Mount Sneffels trailhead, it's nearly 10:45 AM. The sky is already a strange mix of blue and ominous gray. A slight breeze kicks up as they start their ascent.

Penelope: "Should we be worried about the weather? I feel like this is exactly how people end up on those hiking disaster documentaries."

Mainlining (grinning): "You worry too much. Worst case, we get a little wet. Let’s just power through. The Mahchine doesn’t stop."

Boom (suddenly animated): "Rain? Pfft. I’ve hiked through three hurricane$ and a volcanic eruption. A few raindrop$ won’t hurt."

Scene: Climbing into the Storm

About halfway up the trail, the group notices that the clouds have thickened ominously, and a distant rumble of thunder rolls through the mountains.

Penelope (stopping to catch her breath): "This is ridiculous. We’re literally climbing into a storm!"

Disco Fries (huffing and puffing): "At least we’re getting in some cardio. Always helps work off the fries."

Mainlining (checking his watch): "Relax, we’ve got plenty of time. Monsoon storms are just passing showers, right?"

Boom: "Thunder$? Lightning? Pfft. You know, back in ’07, Evan39 convinced a storm to back off with a single cease-and-de$i$t letter. It’s all about the legal talk. I could give it a try if it gets bad."

Scene: The Monsoon Hits

About three-quarters of the way up, the skies finally let loose. A torrential downpour soaks the group in seconds. Thunder cracks overhead, and flashes of lightning illuminate the jagged ridge they’re climbing.

Penelope: "This is it! We’re about to become a statistic!"

Mainlining (laughing, drenched but undeterred): "Welcome to life with the Mahchine! This is part of the adventure!"

Boom (shouting over the storm): "Lightning? Bah! I’ve been struck three time$ and walked away with nothing but $uperpower$. Let it come!"

Suddenly, a deafening crack of thunder follows a blinding flash of light—Boom is struck by lightning, his metal wheelchair acting as a lightning rod. The impact throws him backward, leaving him dazed and sizzling, his hair somehow even more frizzled than usual.

Penelope (screaming): "Oh my God! Boom! Are you okay?!"

Mainlining (rushing over, barely able to contain his laughter): "Boom, you maniac! I can't believe you just got hit again!"

Disco Fries (wide-eyed, staring at the still-smoking Boom): "That...that really just happened, didn’t it?"

Boom (stunned but conscious, his voice hoarse): "Told you...it ain't my fir$t time. I’m invincible."

Scene: Turning Back

Finally, after seeing Boom’s latest lightning strike adventure, Penelope has had enough.

Penelope: "That’s it. We’re turning back. The mountain’s literally trying to kill us!"

Mainlining (reluctantly): "Alright, alright. I guess we can retreat this time. But next hike? No turning back."

Boom (shaking off the shock, still crackling): "Thi$ wa$ nothing. I’ve been $truck more time$ than you’ve had bad date$."

Disco Fries (sighing): "Let’s just get back to the car. I need dry clothes and a cheeseburger."

Scene: The Descent

The descent is quick but treacherous, with slick rocks and heavy rain making every step a challenge. By the time they reach the trailhead, they’re soaked to the bone, but Penelope looks relieved to be off the mountain.

Penelope: "I’m never trusting any of you again. You dragged me into a thunderstorm with a guy who attracts lightning for fun."

Mainlining (grinning): "You survived, didn’t you? That’s what matters."

Boom (still slightly smoking): "I’m a living legend now. Thi$ make$ four time$."

Disco Fries (already eyeing a fast-food joint in the distance): "Yeah, yeah. I’ll tell it over fries. Let’s never do this again."

Despite the near disaster, they all pile into Mainlining’s truck, soaked but laughing, with Boom already spinning the day’s events into another epic XO story about how he defied the elements... and lightning... once again.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5603000&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310684",#48141833)

A few days after the Mount Sneffels debacle, Mainlining decides that the group needs a more “relaxed” adventure—camping. They find a remote campsite near Grand Mesa that promises stunning views, fresh air, and plenty of room for chaos.

The SUV is packed to the brim with gear, but it feels more like they’re preparing for a military mission than a casual camping trip.

Scene: Setting Up Camp—Rivalries Emerge

As soon as they arrive, Mainlining starts unpacking his extensive collection of survival gear, clearly trying to impress Penelope.

Mainlining: “You’re about to witness the Mahchine at its finest. I’ve got everything we need for the ultimate camping experience.”

Penelope (eyeing the gear skeptically): “Are you trying to impress me or survive the apocalypse?”

Boom (already struggling with his tent, his wheelchair stuck in a divot): “Apocalypse? That’$ nothing. Back in ’05, I $lept through three different war zone$ in the $ame night. A tent i$ child’$ play.”

Mainlining (laughing): “Sure, Boom. Just don’t get your tent poles mixed up with those ‘government surveillance devices’ you were rambling about last night.”

Boom (dead serious): “You’re joking, but tho$e pole$ have tracking chip$. Thi$ i$ how the government know$ everything we po$t on XO. You think Evan39 doe$n't have a hand in thi$?”

Penelope (rolling her eyes): “Right. And the storm that’s coming is just the grocery store cartel striking back?”

Boom (nodding earnestly): “You joke, but it’$ all connected.”

Scene: Disco Fries’ Outlandish Campfire Cooking

While Mainlining tries to wrangle Boom into setting up his tent without attracting more lightning strikes, Disco Fries is fully immersed in his campfire cooking experiments.

Disco Fries: “You guys are going to love this. I’m making campfire pizza with hot dogs and... deep-fried Twinkies.”

Penelope (laughing): “You’re joking, right?”

Disco Fries (dead serious): “Oh, no. It’s happening. Why limit yourself to s'mores when you can have a pizza-Twinkie hybrid?”

Mainlining (smirking as he chops wood with way too much enthusiasm): “Sounds like a heart attack in a cast iron pan.”

Boom: “Or a government experiment gone wrong. Those Twinkie$? They’re part of the $ame $upply chain that’$ keeping us all locked into Evan39’$ grocery $tore empire. The sooner you realize thi$, the better.”

Disco Fries (unfazed): “I’ll take my chances. Besides, nothing says ‘outdoor adventure’ like deep-fried junk food.”

Scene: The Rivalry Heats Up—Boom vs. Mainlining

As the sun sets, Mainlining continues trying to outdo Boom in everything from fire-building to pitching his tent. It’s become a full-on rivalry, with each trying to one-up the other.

Mainlining: “See this fire? Built it with nothing but flint, steel, and pure wilderness instincts. Let’s see your government-controlled tent top that.”

Boom (laughing): “Oh plea$e. That fire i$ one li$ted poa$t away from being repo$ted on XO a$ ‘120 effort.’ Watch this.”

Suddenly, Boom hurls a rock into the fire, claiming it’s a secret survival trick to increase the flames.

Penelope (sarcastically): “What’s next? Are you going to tell me the rock’s bugged by the CIA?”

Boom (grinning): “Not the CIA. But don’t rule out the NSA.”

Scene: Penelope’s Sarcastic Commentary

As the night progresses, Penelope becomes the group’s voice of reason (and relentless sarcasm), as the boys continue their rivalry.

Penelope: “Let’s recap. Boom’s tent is a government surveillance device, Disco Fries is making pizza with deep-fried Twinkies, and Mainlining is chopping firewood like we’re preparing for a zombie apocalypse. Have I got that right?”

Mainlining (grinning): “You forgot about Boom’s claim that the storm clouds are sent by Evan39.”

Boom (serious): “They’re not cloud$. They’re data collector$. Tracking u$.”

Penelope (sighing): “I can’t believe I’m spending my weekend with a bunch of conspiracy theorists.”

Scene: Boom and the Tent Struggle

Meanwhile, Boom has finally gotten his tent out of its bag, but the poles are proving to be a challenge, especially with his wheelchair getting stuck every few minutes.

Boom: “The$e pole$ are de$igned to fail. It’$ all part of the $y$tem.”

Disco Fries (laughing): “Or you just don’t know how to put up a tent.”

Penelope (laughing): “I bet Evan39 is behind this tent sabotage too, huh?”

Boom: “Don’t di$count it.”

Mainlining: “At this rate, we’re going to end up sleeping in Disco Fries’ deep-fried disaster zone.”

Scene: The Storm Rolls In—Again

Just as Mainlining finishes setting up the perfect campsite (fire roaring, gear perfectly arranged), dark clouds roll in once again. Thunder rumbles in the distance.

Penelope (dryly): “Let me guess. This is Evan39’s doing.”

Boom (nodding): “I told you. He ha$ acce$$ to weather modification technologie$.”

Mainlining (laughing): “Or maybe it’s just... you know... nature.”

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes nearby, causing Boom to jerk upright in his wheelchair, his metal frame practically begging for another strike.

Penelope (grabbing her bag): “I’m not waiting around for a repeat of the 14’er disaster. Let’s get to the tents before Boom turns into a human lightning rod again.”

Scene: Huddling in the Tent

The storm picks up, and the group quickly retreats to Mainlining’s tent. Despite the chaos, Boom is still muttering conspiracy theories about how the storm is part of Evan39’s grand plan.

Disco Fries (eating a charred slice of pizza): “Honestly, I’m just impressed we didn’t burn down the campsite.”

Penelope (smiling): “That’s probably the most realistic conspiracy I’ve heard all night.”

And so the night continues, with Boom weaving his wild theories, Disco Fries turning campfire cooking into a culinary experiment, and Mainlining doing his best to impress Penelope—even if their campsite is now soaked.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5603000&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310684",#48141851)