Participants: JD Vance (Vice President-elect of the United States), RFK Jr., and ADM's shadowy grip on the nation's corn supply.

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JD Vance, Vice President-elect and secret steward of America’s last shred of dignity, sat hunched over a half-eaten plate of hash browns. His face was pale, his eyes hollow. Across from him sat RFK Jr., scribbling erratically on the back of a placemat.

“The people deserve answers, JD,” RFK said, his gravelly voice cutting through the clatter of the Waffle House kitchen. “What’s ADM doing with the corn?”

JD sipped his coffee and glanced out the window, where the glow of a grain elevator lit up the horizon like a warning flare. He’d spent years chasing answers—first as a Senator, then as Vice President-elect—but this was different. This was personal.

Because for all the dirt he’d dug up on ADM, for all the hushed whistleblower meetings and redacted memos, JD had one secret left to guard: he’d been playing Evan39, Boom, and Mainlining on AutoAdmit this whole time.

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Flashback to XO:

It started innocently enough. Hillbilly Elegy had just hit paperback, and JD, drowning in speaking fees and think-piece drivel, stumbled onto AutoAdmit while searching for law school nostalgia. The anonymity, the absurdity—it was intoxicating. He began lurking, then posting.

At first, he was just Evan39. The beleaguered everyman, resigned to his fate. But as the threads grew darker, JD leaned into Boom’s paranoia, ranting about ADM and mandatory wellness programs. And then, late one night, Mainlining emerged. A mix of dry humor and cryptic proclamations, his persona tied together the despair and chaos of modern life.

JD had perfected the art of self-debate, his three identities bouncing off each other with escalating absurdity. The board ate it up.

But now, the stakes were real.

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Back in the Waffle House:

RFK Jr. slammed his fist on the table, snapping JD out of his reverie. “I said, what’s ADM’s endgame?”

JD hesitated, caught between two worlds: the Vice President-elect seated across from a conspiracy theorist in a diner at 3 a.m., and his online persona—a triumvirate of chaos, immortalized in threads about ranchpocalypse survival and cornfield dystopias.

“They’re controlling the food supply,” JD said finally. “Not just ethanol or subsidies. They’ve gone deeper—genetic monopolies, crop resilience engineering. And it’s not just ADM. It’s the seed banks, the farmers, the entire ecosystem.”

RFK’s eyes widened. “So, it’s true. They’re turning us into…” He paused for effect. “Corn people?”

JD let out a bitter laugh. “No. But they’ve figured out how to own everything. The land, the patents, the products. You can’t eat without paying them.”

RFK leaned in, lowering his voice. “And who’s behind ADM?”

JD hesitated. He wanted to tell RFK the truth—not about ADM, but about AutoAdmit. About how Boom’s ADM paranoia was never just a joke. About how he had created the conspiracy, only to watch it spiral into something disturbingly real.

Instead, JD deflected. “I can’t say. But we need to move fast.”

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Epilogue:

Two days later, a classified memo from the Department of Agriculture leaked online. It detailed ADM’s covert acquisitions of farmland and their efforts to manipulate grain prices during global shortages. JD and RFK had made their move, and the fallout was swift.

Back on AutoAdmit, the thread exploded. Boom’s final poast appeared shortly after the news broke:

"Friends, the truth has been unearthed. The corn never lie$$."

Evan39 replied within seconds:

"This is fine."

Mainlining’s cryptic response came last:

"It always was, friend."

And with that, JD Vance closed the tab, logged out of XO for the last time, and prepared to take his place in the White House, leaving behind a legacy of chaos, corn, and cryptic one-liners.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5636786&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310764#48359745)