Bitches love it when you put moderate pressure around their necks while pounding them into the mattress.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5808869&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310861#49500554)

whatever normy

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5808869&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310861#49500688)

The side of my Aunt’s house with no windows where I can swipe a lawn chair from the garage and hide out for an hour after thanksgiving dinner while the women gossip and the men watch football.

The service entrance off the side of the wedding reception where you can still keep an eye on the kids but the chatty relatives can’t find you. If you think you’re going to get hassled by the staff, bring a pack of smokes or a couple of joints to let them bum and they’ll leave you alone and even fetch you drinks from the bar so you don’t have to go back in.

The weird bar off in some obscure corner of the resort that has one table out on a patio but kind of around a corner where no one could ever find you and no rando will try to strike up a.chat.

“Helpfully” taking the full recycling bin out while at the dinner party with your wife’s friends. Playing on your phone in the garage for fifteen minutes.

“I’m gonna go check on the pool pump and the heater so it’s ready for the kids tomorrow. I’ll brb!” At your in-laws on the 3rd of July

Slipping out of the office Christmas party by the back door near the bathrooms to go have a beer at the bar next door, only to slip back in for one last half hour of socializing before you leave with the respectable second wave of people, instead of the lame olds who left early in wave one, or the degenerates and the young’s who will go bar hopping after this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5808869&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310861#49501048)

once at your hotel for said conference, scope out the side entrances so you can leave without running into anyone and bars close enough but not too close that anyone else you know would actually go to.

don't bother expensing your meals. the $15 you spent on the burger at the shitty bar you ducked out to isn't worth having the people with access to your expense reports having written confirmation that you're an antisocial weirdo. putting in nothing just means they can assume you went out with a large group and someone else picked up the check.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5808869&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310861#49501449)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5808869&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310861#49501067)