Mahchine: "Step 1: Accept that $eattle is a failed $tate."

Evan39: "I’ve accepted that a long time ago."

*Mainlining leans forward slightly, his lean physique catching Evan39’s eye.*

Evan39: [Mumbling] "Yeah, accepted… like I’ve accepted that you’re always looking this good, Mainlining...no homo!"

*Mainlining raises an eyebrow, smirking but not breaking character.*

Mainlining: "We’re here for the Mahchine, Evan. Focus."

Mahchine: "Step 2: Take a vacation… on a BigLaw partner’s yacht."

Evan39: [Nervously glancing at Mainlining] "I don’t even know any BigLaw partners..."

*The Mahchine buzzes and pulls up a slideshow of vacation photos labeled “Perkins Coie Yacht Club—Annual Retreat.”*

Evan39: [Blushing] "I swear, those aren’t mine!"

*Mainlining steps closer, just enough to make Evan39 shift uncomfortably on the couch.*

Mainlining: [Smirking] "Are you sure, Evan? You seem to know how to navigate those yachts pretty well."

Mahchine: "Step 3: Achieve a 180 on the LSAT."

Evan39: [Fumbling his words] "I’m not going back to law school!"

The Mahchine flashes a screenshot of an ancient email titled “Congratulations on Your LSAT Score: 180.”

Evan39: [Stammering, his eyes briefly meeting Mainlining’s] "That was before I started... uh... noticing... other things..."

*Mainlining leans in close, his face inches from Evan’s, letting the silence hang before whispering: "Keep your eyes on the screen, Evan. The Mahchine knows best."

*Evan39 tries to hold back a flustered smile but - as deranged as he feels in his own mind, he's realizing he may have met his match, someone...oddly familiar.*

Mahchine: "Step 4: Bill 2500 hours a year."

*The walls close in, covered in redacted discovery documents, case citations, and time entry forms. Evan squirms in his chair, while Mainlining looms over him, watching intently.*

Evan39: [Voice cracking] "I’ve already clocked my hours at the store! This is torture!"

*The Mahchine displays a spreadsheet marked “Perkins Coie: 2,510 hours billed, 2023."*

Evan39: [Flustered, glancing at Mainlining again] "Do I really have to bill this much?"

*Mainlining leans in, lightly brushing Evan’s shoulder with his hand as he straightens his shirt.*

Mainlining: [Chuckling] "You know how it is, Evan. Hard work... or hardly working. Which one are you?"

Evan39: [Swallowing nervously] "Anything for you, Mainlining..."

Mahchine: "Step 5: Become one with The Mahchine."

*The room grows darker as Evan’s chair tilts back, inching toward the glowing screen. A familiar LinkedIn page appears on the Mahchine's display, showing “Evan39, Senior Of Counsel, Perkins Coie” under his photo.*

Evan39: [In full panic, with a hint of excitement] "HELP! I’m not a BigLawyer, Mainlining! I just want to sell hummu$!"

Mahchine: "You’ve always been part of The Mahchine, Evan. You just didn’t know it."

*Mainlining steps forward, his breath hot on Evan39’s neck.*

Mainlining: [Playfully, but with an edge] "You’re not getting out of this that easily, Evan. The Mahchine ha$ you now… and so do I."

*As the screen fades, Evan39 is pulled closer to The Mahchine, his screams of panic and confusion blending with an undeniable attraction.*

*Mainlining stands tall, smiling as Evan’s fate becomes sealed.*

Mainlining: "Good boy."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5603996&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310880",#48147729)