Nope. Today, I found out Jamal—yes, “constructive termination” Jamal—filed an HR complaint against me for “creating a hostile work environment” just before he stormed out last week.

The incident? I asked him to stop FaceTiming in the stockroom while customers lined up, waiting for help. His response: “You’re TARGETING me, friend. Can’t you see I’m Black? I don’t feel safe, and you’re scaring me.”

HR wasted no time hauling me into Tabitha’s office, where the floor was littered with McDonald’s wrappers, and the walls were adorned with motivational posters that looked straight out of Office Space.

She greeted me with her signature combo: an eye-roll and a mouthful of Popeyes. “Evan, you prissy faggot, we take all complaints seriously,” she said, dabbing hot sauce off her chin.

I started to explain, but she waved me off. “It’s not about what you think, Evan. It’s about how Jamal feels. This is HR 101—you’ve been trained on this 20 times. Honestly, I’m starting to think you’re the problem.”

She leaned back, her chair groaning ominously. “Now, did you or did you not tell him to ‘act like he has a job to do’?”

When I confirmed, she let out a sigh so heavy it could’ve collapsed the roof. “Legally, that’s considered microaggression.”

I was sentenced to an hour of “sensitivity coaching” with Tabitha, which mostly involved her reading HR memos aloud between bites of biscuit. Meanwhile, Jamal was in the parking lot, live-streaming on Instagram: “Stay strong, friends. Justice incoming 💪.”

After my training, I walked home to clear my head, only to get spit on by a homeless woman screaming about “the devil’s lettuce.”

Leaning against my apartment door, I whispered, “Yes, friend. This is fine.”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5630880&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310893#48314893)