[Scene: The National Mall, packed to the brim. Pyrotechnics burst in the background as Trump saunters to the podium, his signature shit-eating grin plastered on his face. Behind him, his new Cabinet, all straight out of central casting, stands in stoic formation—but all eyes are on the hulking figure in a sleeveless camo jacket, American flag pants, and a WWE championship belt. The crowd is already losing it.]

Trump (leaning into the mic):

“Thank you, thank you! What a YUGE day! Incredible day! Look at this crowd—unbelievable. Nobody, and I mean nobody, draws a crowd like this. I’ve seen a lot of rallies, folks, but this? This right here is the biggest, most patriotic crowd in the history of crowds. Believe me.

And today? We’re not just making history—we’re rewriting the damn book. You know me, I’ve always said it: I hire the best. The strongest, toughest, most badass people. And today, I’m introducing someone who checks every box. A total winner. A guy who knows how to fight, how to win, and how to dominate. Big league.

He’s been a pro wrestler. He’s been a legend in the adult film industry. And let’s be real—he’s probably the most patriotic man alive. Loves this country like no one else. And now, he’s your new Secretary of Defense. Folks, brace yourselves, because this man’s about to take things to a whole new level. Give it up for my friend, your hero…FORMER PRESIDENT Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Camacho!”

[Trump steps back dramatically as Camacho strides to the mic, flexing his biceps. Fireworks explode. The crowd chants, “CAMA-CHO! CAMA-CHO!” as Camacho adjusts his aviators, shotgun over his shoulder.]

Camacho:

“WHASSUP, AMERICA?! (fires shotgun into the air, crowd erupts) That’s right, baby, we’re BACK! And I got a 3-point plan that’s gonna fix everything. Y’all ready for this?

Point 1: We’re taking names and kicking ass. Point 2: We got the toughest, smartest, yugest president of all time—(points at Trump, crowd roars)—and Point 3: I’m here to make sure America stays the most badass country in the history of the damn world!”

[The crowd roars as Camacho flexes again, basking in the energy. Someone in the crowd shouts, “South Carolina, what’s up!” and Camacho nods approvingly.]

Camacho (serious tone):

“Now, I know some of y’all are worried. Shit’s bad out there. Inflation’s up, morale’s down, and we’re almost out of french fries and burrito coverings. But don’t you worry—I got this. Tanks? We’re throwing on spinners. Aircraft carriers? Infinity pools. And every single soldier? They’re getting a damn bazooka.

You want peace? You bring the biggest guns to the party! 💥 (fires shotgun again) And let me tell ya, from now on, our enemies are gonna piss their pants when they hear the name Camacho. And our allies? They’re gonna know we’ve got their backs—covered in eagle tattoos!”

[The crowd is losing its collective mind. Flags wave, and random gunfire erupts. “Cama-CHO! Cama-CHO!” chants echo across the Mall.]

Camacho (feeding off the hype):

“And Space Force? Oh yeah, that ain’t just for show. We’re launching space tanks, space jets, and—get ready for it—space marines. You think America’s tough on land? Wait ‘til we’re up there, kicking ass in zero gravity!

But listen up, folks—this isn’t just about war. This is about pride. It’s about making sure every American feels safe, strong, and proud. That’s why I’m rolling out my new national program: every household gets a free AR-15, a six-pack of Brawndo, and a DVD of my greatest wrestling matches. You’re welcome, America!”

[The crowd erupts again. Another shotgun blast from Camacho punctuates the moment. A random heckler shouts, “That’s what you said last time, dipshit!” Camacho, unphased, leans into the mic.]

Camacho:

“Yeah, but this time? I mean it! (points dramatically) Together, with President Trump leading the way, we’re gonna fix the crops, fix the economy, and even fix the damn cars. No more bummers, no more losers—just WINNING.

Let’s ride, America! 🚀 (fires shotgun a final time as heavy metal “America the Beautiful” blares. Jets roar overhead in tight formation. The crowd goes wild as Trump and Camacho high-five and pose like action movie heroes.)”

[Camacho and Trump stand side by side, basking in the adulation. Monster trucks rev across the Mall, and fireworks light up the sky in red, white, and blue. It’s a new era, and the crowd is here for it.]

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5628819&forum_id=2\u0026mark_id=5310910",#48301581)