A lawsuit against David Geffen mentions a website where hypergamy — dating above your station — is celebrated. But the word carries darker intonations.

By Jesse McKinley

Published July 29, 2025

Updated July 30, 2025, 8:10 a.m. ET

It was a small detail amid a torrent of salacious accusations in the ongoing divorce drama between entertainment mogul David Geffen, 82, and his estranged husband, David Armstrong.

Last week, Mr. Armstrong, a 32-year-old former exotic dancer who has also used the name Donovan Michaels, filed a lengthy civil suit in Los Angeles, filled with allegations that Mr. Geffen used drugs and was abusive, and calling Mr. Geffen “an exploiter, masquerading as a white knight while hiding behind wealth, philanthropy, and fame.”

And tucked into that litany of accusations — which Mr. Geffen’s lawyer blasted, calling it a “false, pathetic lawsuit” — is the assertion that the couple met on the dating website now known as Seeking.com, which describes itself as “a space for love and luxury to meet,” through a mutual commitment to hypergamy, something it mentions and promotes repeatedly on its website.

Hyperga-what?

Hypergamy is broadly defined by dictionaries as marrying or becoming involved with someone who has more financial resources or social status than you. “Marrying up” was an old, somewhat polite way of putting it; there are less polite ways, as well.

Seeking.com — formerly known as Seekingarrangement.com — has been considered a major player in the “sugar dating” world, where sites connect romantic partners interested in exchanging gifts or money for companionship, sometimes with sexual overtones. Sites have been accused of fostering manipulative and transactional emotional relationships, and monetizing dating in a way that occasionally borders on prostitution.

For its part, Seeking.com describes hypergamy in rosy fashion as “a romantic relationship with someone whose strengths complement your weaknesses, enhancing both partners’ growth, success, and social status through the relationship.”

Dictionaries broadly define hypergamy as marrying or becoming involved with a person with more financial resources or social status. But etymologists say that the term hypergamy (pronounced Hi-PER-gam-y) has a darker meaning: in the incel movement — short for “involuntary celibates” — where it has been used as justification for a range of misogynistic beliefs and theories.

“This is a word that’s been circulating in the ‘manosphere’ for a very long time,” said Adam Aleksic, a linguist who posts as the Etymology Nerd on social media, referring to the world of male podcasters and influencers, who often revel in all things masculine.

“Hypergamy describes their framework for why the sexual allocation is not distributed evenly,” Mr. Aleksic explained, saying that incels believe that those at the top end of attractiveness — with physical and financial elements baked in — get most of the attention, while they languish romantically.

Mr. Aleksic and other linguists note that the term is just one of a number of incel words and phrases that have gravitated from the fringes to more mainstream use, including “Chads” (attractive, sometimes stereotypically masculine men who are successful sexually), “mogging” (to dominate someone else in the looks department), and “looksmaxxing” (physically adapting to make oneself more attractive).

“Hypergamy as a replacement for ‘gold digging’ feels to me like what certain cults have done to mask some unpleasant truths or aims,” said Amanda Montell, the author of “Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism.” “I see the manosphere and incel culture embracing hypergamy as a way to, I guess, make their culture and the things that they like to talk about sound legitimate.”

In recent years, the term has popped up in dating columns, trend stories, and pop-culture analysis (think “Bridgerton” and others). Hypergamy has been also adopted by some women who are in relationships that began on “sugar-dating” websites, according to Srushti Upadhyay, a doctoral candidate at the University at Buffalo who has studied the phenomenon.

“Some sugar babies will refer to themselves as not sugar babies, but that they’re just dating hypergamously,” Ms. Upadhyay said.

The Oxford English Dictionary traces the word back to the early 1880s. By the early 20th century, the word had been defined by a British folklore scholar, Edwin Sidney Hartland, as a custom “by which a man may marry or have sexual relations with a woman of lower rank, but no man of lower rank may marry into a caste above his own.”

Other dating sites, some with an overt monetary angle, have also seemingly attempted to add an element of sophistication. One, called WhatsYourPrice.com, trumpets the use of hongbao: the red envelopes, filled with money, given in Asian culture for special occasions. WhatsYourPrice calls it “an upfront way” of showing “the energy and preparation that goes into getting ready for a great date.”

For its part, Seeking.com denies it is a sugar-dating website, saying in a statement that its terms of service “strictly prohibit any form of solicitation or commercial exchange for sexual services.”

The site has been in the news before, including in the controversy over Matt Gaetz, the former congressman who was nominated for attorney general last year. A House ethics report issued after his nomination was withdrawn found that Mr. Gaetz had attended parties with young women in attendance who had been initially contacted by an associate via Seekingarrangement.com, as the site was once known, and introduced to the congressman.

In Mr. Armstrong’s suit, he said he was paid $10,000 by Mr. Geffen for sex on the first meeting, and that the mogul soon began treating him like “a trophy to show off to his wealthy friends, under the guise of benevolence.” (Mr. Geffen’s lawyers did not respond directly to the allegation of a $10,000 payment, saying they would respond to Mr. Armstrong’s complaint “in its entirety when we file our response with the Court.”)

Maron Scull, an associate teaching professor of sociology at the University of Colorado, Denver who has written extensively about what is sometimes called “compensated dating,” said interviews with dozens of women who were “sugar babies” showed that “the power dynamics were incredibly complex.”

“Yes, indeed, there are some individuals where they are in desperate financial need,” she said, adding that sometimes the benefactor is much older. “And they enter into a relationship where they were kind of at the mercy of their sugar daddy.”

But, she said, that’s not always the case.

“Women argued, actually, that ‘I’ve got more power because I can control the time and the energy that I devote and I can manipulate that a little bit to get him to give me more money,’” Ms. Scull said, saying that they “want to have a loving, meaningful relationship with somebody that is financially stable.”

In his suit, Mr. Armstrong suggests Mr. Geffen, too, wanted a loving, meaningful relationship. “Geffen told Michaels he loved him and the two would treat one another as life partners, share all assets equally, and Geffen would support Michaels financially for life,” the lawsuit asserts, using Mr. Armstrong’s alternate name Donovan Michaels.

Mr. Armstrong, in turn, “gave up his dreams — his modeling career, his independence — to dedicate himself fully to this promise,” the suit says, adding, “He did so with love.”

Mr. Geffen, whose net worth has been estimated at more than $8 billion, did not sign a prenuptial agreement with Mr. Armstrong. Mr. Geffen’s lawyer said that they will be “vigorously and righteously” fighting Mr. Armstrong’s lawsuit, which cites breach of contract.

“There was no contract — express, written, oral or implied — that has ever existed,” said Patty Glaser, a lawyer for Mr. Geffen.

Mr. Aleksic, the linguist, suggested that Seeking.com probably knew of the meaning of hypergamy in the manosphere “and yet still advertised to that demographic as a kind of dog whistle.”

If so, that whistle may be on its way out. In a statement, Seeking.com said that while hypergamy had “well-developed historical and academic roots,” and had been used as a selling point for the site for several years, the company intended to drop it, saying it “does not condone or endorse any particular ideological indoctrination of the word.”

That said, as of Tuesday, the word still appeared widely on the company’s website, complete with a trademarked use of it.

“Hypergamy is the way of the future,” it reads. “Experience it for yourself.”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5756428&forum_id=2\u0026show=month",#49143647)

We did it guise!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5756428&forum_id=2\u0026show=month",#49143724)

jfc, this isn't "hypergamy." it's an elderly billionaire using his money to indulge in a fantasy relationship with a young black stripper.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5756428&forum_id=2\u0026show=month",#49144196)