Good writers: Fix this clunky sentence I can't seem to fix
| Chestnut Round Eye | 04/30/21 | | Stirring Khaki Yarmulke | 04/30/21 | | cracking faggotry | 04/30/21 | | cowardly business firm | 04/30/21 | | Topaz wrinkle indirect expression | 05/02/21 | | Pink institution haunted graveyard | 02/25/22 | | concupiscible newt lodge | 04/30/21 | | hot stead | 04/30/21 | | Chestnut Round Eye | 04/30/21 | | concupiscible newt lodge | 04/30/21 | | Chestnut Round Eye | 04/30/21 | | Stirring Khaki Yarmulke | 04/30/21 | | cracking faggotry | 04/30/21 | | concupiscible newt lodge | 04/30/21 | | cracking faggotry | 04/30/21 | | mildly autistic ungodly blood rage selfie | 04/30/21 | | Trip talking persian | 04/30/21 | | Vivacious Space Philosopher-king | 04/30/21 | | razzle-dazzle mustard jewess | 04/30/21 | | Chestnut Round Eye | 04/30/21 | | frozen impertinent jew weed whacker | 04/30/21 | | Pearl Home | 04/30/21 | | spectacular partner | 04/30/21 | | abusive principal's office | 05/04/22 | | self-centered ceo location | 04/30/21 | | puce swashbuckling affirmative action | 04/30/21 | | Purple alcoholic locale coldplay fan | 04/30/21 | | Chest-beating bearded locus | 04/30/21 | | Dark Electric Parlour Masturbator | 04/30/21 | | razzle-dazzle mustard jewess | 04/30/21 | | Primrose adventurous cuck | 04/30/21 | | Useless ape roast beef | 04/30/21 | | filthy school cafeteria | 04/30/21 | | frozen impertinent jew weed whacker | 04/30/21 | | free-loading nubile abode mental disorder | 04/30/21 | | Dark Electric Parlour Masturbator | 05/01/21 | | Dark Electric Parlour Masturbator | 04/30/21 | | hot stead | 04/30/21 | | jade native coffee pot | 04/30/21 | | hot stead | 04/30/21 | | charismatic orange preventive strike | 04/30/21 | | Wonderful alpha | 04/30/21 | | Multi-colored Bronze Pit Hunting Ground | 04/30/21 | | Stirring Khaki Yarmulke | 04/30/21 | | Cordovan zombie-like windowlicker box office | 04/30/21 | | Chestnut Round Eye | 04/30/21 | | Cordovan zombie-like windowlicker box office | 04/30/21 | | Chestnut Round Eye | 04/30/21 | | Cordovan zombie-like windowlicker box office | 04/30/21 | | cracking faggotry | 04/30/21 | | smoky embarrassed to the bone rigor quadroon | 04/30/21 | | painfully honest ticket booth | 04/30/21 | | hot stead | 04/30/21 | | Multi-colored Bronze Pit Hunting Ground | 04/30/21 | | Primrose adventurous cuck | 04/30/21 | | Fear-inspiring cruise ship love of her life | 04/30/21 | | Wonderful alpha | 04/30/21 | | Fear-inspiring cruise ship love of her life | 04/30/21 | | concupiscible newt lodge | 04/30/21 | | Purple alcoholic locale coldplay fan | 04/30/21 | | puce swashbuckling affirmative action | 04/30/21 | | hyperactive razzmatazz university | 04/30/21 | | magenta dead twinkling uncleanness temple | 02/22/22 | | irradiated hell | 04/30/21 | | Beta Lemon Shrine | 04/30/21 | | irradiated hell | 04/30/21 | | Beta Lemon Shrine | 04/30/21 | | Useless ape roast beef | 04/30/21 | | cracking faggotry | 04/30/21 | | bipolar factory reset button house | 04/30/21 | | Talented digit ratio marketing idea | 02/22/22 | | Titillating sienna hall goyim | 06/22/22 | | Trip talking persian | 04/30/21 | | Multi-colored Bronze Pit Hunting Ground | 04/30/21 | | bipolar factory reset button house | 04/30/21 | | frozen impertinent jew weed whacker | 04/30/21 | | jade native coffee pot | 04/30/21 | | Talented digit ratio marketing idea | 04/30/21 | | frozen impertinent jew weed whacker | 04/30/21 | | Wonderful alpha | 04/30/21 | | free-loading nubile abode mental disorder | 06/22/22 | | razzle-dazzle mustard jewess | 04/30/21 | | thriller dog poop electric furnace | 04/30/21 | | godawful legend | 04/30/21 | | jade native coffee pot | 04/30/21 | | thriller dog poop electric furnace | 06/01/21 | | Talented digit ratio marketing idea | 02/22/22 | | thriller dog poop electric furnace | 02/22/22 | | Talented digit ratio marketing idea | 02/25/22 | | sexy opaque stage | 05/04/22 | | Titillating sienna hall goyim | 06/22/22 | | bipolar factory reset button house | 06/22/22 | | Hairraiser Therapy Toilet Seat | 06/22/22 | | Shimmering exciting church building | 04/30/21 | | charismatic orange preventive strike | 04/30/21 | | demanding high-end stag film | 04/30/21 | | Vigorous Forum Patrolman | 04/30/21 | | ruddy lay | 04/30/21 | | massive son of senegal stage | 04/30/21 | | Sepia Contagious Nursing Home Genital Piercing | 04/30/21 | | Marvelous kitty | 04/30/21 | | jade native coffee pot | 04/30/21 | | Talented digit ratio marketing idea | 04/30/21 | | razzle-dazzle mustard jewess | 04/30/21 | | Beta Lemon Shrine | 04/30/21 | | Talented digit ratio marketing idea | 02/22/22 | | bateful frisky death wish hairy legs | 04/30/21 | | razzle-dazzle mustard jewess | 04/30/21 | | Big spruce site | 04/30/21 | | razzle-dazzle mustard jewess | 04/30/21 | | frozen impertinent jew weed whacker | 04/30/21 | | Cruel-hearted pea-brained theater stage | 04/30/21 | | Cruel-hearted pea-brained theater stage | 04/30/21 | | indigo splenetic set | 04/30/21 | | Territorial theatre | 04/30/21 | | jade native coffee pot | 04/30/21 | | infuriating mad cow disease potus | 04/30/21 | | smoky embarrassed to the bone rigor quadroon | 04/30/21 | | smoky embarrassed to the bone rigor quadroon | 05/02/21 | | smoky embarrassed to the bone rigor quadroon | 05/23/21 | | razzle-dazzle mustard jewess | 05/02/21 | | magenta dead twinkling uncleanness temple | 02/22/22 | | Stirring Khaki Yarmulke | 02/25/22 | | Laughsome Chad Orchestra Pit | 06/22/22 | | Trip talking persian | 04/19/26 | | magenta dead twinkling uncleanness temple | 04/19/26 | | Multi-colored Bronze Pit Hunting Ground | 04/19/26 | | Trip talking persian | 04/19/26 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: April 30th, 2021 9:52 AM Author: concupiscible newt lodge
“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C. D was a passenger in C’s car at the time.”
Would break up the sentences. Your original sentence isn’t terrible though.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376145) |
Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM Author: razzle-dazzle mustard jewess
This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just generally to give you the right idea on how to handle this sort of thing, please develop as part of an exercise in your own development as a lawyer. Really need to break this into clauses that explain everything.
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.
WHEREAS A, B, C, and D are human persons domiciled in Jurisdiction Y
WHEREAS X is a certain area in Jurisdiction Y
WHEREAS A, B, and C are legally authorized to operate motor vehicles ("cars" and each individual such vehicle a "car")
WHEREAS on that certain date, A, B, and C were operating cars.
WHEREAS on that certain date, D was a passenger in the car operated by C.
Now, therefore be it resolved, on that certain date, the aforementioned cars traversed on intersecting paths in Area X.
[I assume by "passed" you mean "passed" as in "they passed by each other while headed in different directions," revise if you mean they were going the same way and A/B's cars passed/overtook C's car.]
Please handle and recirculate, thanks.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376176) |
Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM Author: Cordovan zombie-like windowlicker box office
i hate this crap
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D driving with C.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376197) |
Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM Author: smoky embarrassed to the bone rigor quadroon
you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interested.
"Where did this take place? In X. And what happened in X? A and B were together in a car. And what did that car do? Why it passed by another car, a car driven by C. And was C alone in that second car? No, no C was not. C was with D. That's right. A and B passed C and D. It's all true."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376212) |
Date: April 30th, 2021 10:40 AM Author: hyperactive razzmatazz university
A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged in that most fanciful of modern hobbies, navigation of modern paved roads in a device propelled by an internal combustion engine, whence, they happened to pass by and through the X area. It was delightful that time of year and a welcome respite from their usual tiresome surroundings. And, as fate or chance, or even perhaps the Muses had it, another fellow engaged in the very same hobby happened by. Of course, known to them, and combustion engine navigators the State over, twas C along with D. Both were fair fellows and known to A and B. As custom would insist they happened both to notice and acknowledge each other, hobbyists in the same pursuit as they were.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376358) |
Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM Author: Beta Lemon Shrine
400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the force of the acceleration pressing him against the sport bucket seats of his Turbo Allegra Mk. 2, their soft, well-sourced alcantara cosseting his tightly leather chapped legs, the micromechanical motors within instantaneously adjusting to each minor perturbation in the vehicle's three-axis orientation to keep him perfectly balanced, its SWIFT systems scanning kilometers ahead of them in real-time and predictively modulating the various electromagnetic and anti-kinetic shielding systems in order to protect their passage as they rocketed upward toward the gateway to area X--area X, the Sacred Seat of Cybernetic Heaven, its secrets whispering to the hovels of his birthplace below, beckoning brave boys with the Siren Song: "Come, Unlock Our Treasurehosue of Wonder or Die Trying"; "It's a goddamn marvel--" that was B, his copilot jockey, in the seat beside him--he'd always liked the tech stuff, engineered things were his jig and jive and the natural knack he'd expressed for them had been evident since his Fourth Year when he'd spontaneously programmed a molecular excavator during off time while the rest of the class was at the playground; he and B had been practicing for this for over three years, secretive sessions when the sensor rings slipped from alignment every third week on Sunday for maintena--"we have a fucking BOGEY at 3 o'clock HIGH!" B screamed, interrupting his meditation on the past--the systems of the Allegra were fast, but B was faster and he'd spotted the incoming a split second before the computerized indication of the same: "Warning, SWIFT has detected an intrusion in the third--" he cut off the computer; he knew what he needed to know: C was moving to intercept them in his Outrigger, accompanied by D; they'd planned for this eventuality, both the conflict itself and the psychology of facing your own brother and cousin 45 kilometers up in the air, each precise maneuver tiptoeing on the razor thin edge between life and death, a minute miscalculation capable of throwing you off the wrong side into a fiery midair death--there was something poignant about it, the notion that he could die up here in an instant and to his friends and family in the warrens of Bressville below, toiling through their daily tasks with no comprehension of the enormous aerial pageantry above them, his life could blot out with no greater signifier than a vanishing spot of light in the sky; he banished the thought of this and other things as he shouted in the cockpit "let's smoke these fuckers" and pushed down hard on the throttle, the frame of the Allegra bending, straining, complying with the command as they soared to meet the enemy head on, he and B laughing aloud at the thrill of it all.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376393) |
Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM Author: Marvelous kitty
Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may have made the same suggestion, but I’d go with:
While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car containing C (driver) and D (passenger).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376651) |
Date: April 30th, 2021 1:28 PM Author: indigo splenetic set
andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed carl and dave in their car.
this doesn't define who is driving and who is riding though.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377449)
|
|
|