Date: June 24th, 2025

Author: Evan "Juris Doctor" Vance

"They" said it was just a private conversation.

“A quick sidebar with POTUS,” they said. “Nothing formal. Just optics alignment.”

So they sent me into the library at Mar-a-Lago. Books fake. Chandelier dusty. Hummu$ already sweating on the credenza.

Trump didn’t stand. He merely waved me in with a pinky.

“Evan, you fag! Sit. Let’s TALK. You’re the so-called 'lawyer,' right? The gay one? YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!”

I blinked, betraying my shock. “I… have a ‘partner,’ sir. I love her. I do.”

He smirked.

“Partner. Like you're also a 'partner' at Perkins Coie.

Right. Very respectful. Very elite.

But Evan, you gotta pretend better that’s a real marriage. Otherwise, you're going the way of Pence!

I tried to redirect.

“Sir, the Iran matter—the Strait disclosure...”

Trump steamrolled: “You know I had the NSA pull your background, right?

Not the public stuff. The real file. Internals.

Handwritten notes. Weird late-night postings. Very SICK STUFF about some guy named 'CHAD.' Very WEIRD. Nutty. Wacky. Sick!”

He tapped his temple.

“You go by Evan39 online? Okay. Fine. One identity.

But what’s Mainlining? And Boom?

Too many voices, Evan! Very ‘schizo.’

The report said ‘multiple threads with narrative bleed.’

That’s NOT normal!!”

Trembling inside, I tried to remain calm—reminding myself I had survived decades of Tabitha’s ghastly $afeway regime.

“Sir, I’ve phased Boom out. It’s just Mainlining and Evan39 now. Very manageable. I’ve even cut back poasting altogether.”

He raised his brows.

“Ohhhh, you’ve cut back. Congratulations, you FAG.

You want a ribbon?

You’re still the only person I’ve ever met who tried to outsource a breakdown to three personalities.”

“Also—what is ‘$afeway’? Why the dollar sign? That’s not satire, Evan. That’s flagged behavior. Again, very SICK. People will NOT like this. SICKO!!!!!.”

He took a long sip of Fresca.

“Let me tell you what I see. I see a brilliant mind… buried under Club Card metaphors and hummus hallucinations. I see a guy who calls himself ‘Juris Doctor’ like it’s a threat.

Frankly, I should’ve known all along.

The mascara. The spreadsheets. The late-night formatting edits with 'Boom' as a co-signer. The Mainlining stuff - what the fuck is that shit, about '$eeing' about being ' privy' to the 'The Great Becumming™. DISTURBING! YOU ARE SICK, IN THE HEAD!!!

Guess what.'I' '$EE' a compliance risk.”

“And this…‘marriage?’ Evan, you’re a less-than-$5.00 worth Sam’s Club rotisserie away from fleeing into the woods, into that so-called “Cabin” you won’t shut up about. I’ve '$een' it before.”

He paused at the door.

“Anyway. Good chat. Don’t tell anyone. Just say it was a memo.

People respect memos.

Nobody respects SICKO!!!!!!!!!!!.”

Then he left.

Inside the bookcase: A single Big Gulp. Half full. Still sweating.

A crayon note: “Monitor for Mainlining flare-ups.

Likely bear-attack poasting. Vance unstable. — DJT”

Tabitha appeared later on Zoom.

No greeting. Just her obese jowls and a slurping sound.

“Evan. You were $een.”

She unmuted briefly to whisper: “Boom wa$ a buffer. Without him, the Mahchine™ touch i$ direct now.”

Then she bit into a soft pretzel and logged off.

At 4:42 AM, a LinkedIn notification pinged: “Congrats, Evan ‘Juris Doctor’ Vance — Endorsed for: 'Self-Monitoring, Multiplicity Reduction, and Pre-Crisis Framing.'”

I stared at the screen. Then whispered:

"Yes friends. This is fine."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5742448&forum_id=2#49044139)