He pursued me. I acquiesced, because in all honesty I was lonely and struggling to make meaningful connections in a new city. I was in a pretty bad place mentally, but it felt good to receive attention. We also met at a film screening, so there was some common ground and a shared appreciation for film and media.

Months in, I find out...

He has a keen, particular interest in Asian film and media - particularly East Asia - Japanese, Korean, and Chinese films.

He follows Asian cooking channels (by white expats / travelers only) and tries to connect with me through his "knowledge" of Asian food and primarily only cooks Asian food. He'd also try to "bait" me by asking me to come over and that he has prepared familiar, cultural dishes that I grew up on. I thought this was innocent at first, until he would control and lecture me on how to properly prepare the food when we'd try to cook together.

He asked me to shave so I look more "smooth" and to fit his pornified, aesthetic preference. I was uncomfortable at first and bewildered by this request so early on, but I did it anyway because of shit boundaries.

He tries so hard to connect with me to "my culture" through superficial things like media and food, but when I engage with him in deeper sociopolitical issues concerning our community, seeking a more emotional response, he falls silent, weak, and invalidates my experiences as "doom scrolling." This is the most aggravating crux of some White men who have this "Asian preference" - it's the consumption of my body and culture, but ignorance of my humanity. The last part - willful ignorance - is what makes this problematic and painful for us. Yes, not all white guys, but some.

He is not the most politically informed, well-read, yet holds highly opinionated beliefs of certain Asian countries from what has been espoused by Eurocentric media. You enjoy my "culture" and "beauty," but still deem my country of ancestry as inferior, whether consciously or not.

He has an obsession over a new ultra-girly K-Pop band that consists mostly of underage girls - musical choice that is not deemed socially appropriate for his age. I completely got the ick.

He has a Chinese calligraphy tattoo on his ankle that he supposedly regrets and wants removed, but I saw him shamelessly wearing ankle socks and cargo shorts in the summer and he has had this tattoo for almost two decades now. Absolute ick.

He jokingly (but not really) called me, "arm candy" and was pretty fixated on my looks.

He likely has a history of dating and pursuing Asian women and/or non-white women in general.

After all this coming into realization, I just felt too uncomfortable and dissonant to continue. I'll never know the 100% truth, but I eventually listened to my intuition.

My shame and regret comes from staying for too long and not listening to my own values, boundaries, and feelings. I'm sure there were elements of genuine like and attraction toward me, but it doesn't discount this feeling I couldn't shake that I was pursued initially because of my "Asianness" ("East Asianness," probably his fetish of choice, ignoring the massive, diverse region that is Asia-Pacific) and projected a lot of his East Asian interests, obsessions toward me and objectifying me as his young, "arm candy" Asian girlfriend, without the responsibility or baggage that comes with interracial dating in a racist society.

Dating is hard, especially for us, and what this experience taught me is to ruthlessly cultivate self-love, healthy mental well-being, more disciplined boundaries, higher standards of dating, more initial vetting and questioning, listening to my damn intuition, and just deeply knowing yourself and holding yourself with pride and self-respect to be more than just some White male chauvinistic fantasy projection.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5528428&forum_id=2#47660528)

also, would

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5528428&forum_id=2#47660544)

these women are deranged

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5528428&forum_id=2#47661291)