TREATY OF BREEZEWOOD - XO lot lizards divide territory
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: November 4th, 2017 11:49 PM Author: Big Marketing Idea
There's a spot in rural Pennsylvania where there's a mile-wide gap in the interstate highway: they ran out of money to build that particular stretch of highway. It's called Breezewood. And because everyone has to exit the interstate there, it's home to a million places for a BIG RIG to stop, refuel, and, oh yeah, get some commercial company
http://media.mlive.com/news_impact/photo/breezewoodjpg-ed88ad9f6d198454.jpg
Recently, Breezewood played host to the most important XO meetup since nyuug was a long-haired virgin. AutoAdmit's most GAKKED OUT CUMPIGS, doobs and peterman, met to hash out their territories, to determine where they could safely ply their trade and sell their holes without fear of competition from the other
Doobs, running his fingers through his thick, luscious hair to intimidate his rival, made his position clear. He had conquered the busy truck routes of the Midwest from Benzo through hard work and a brutal price war, and he was never going to relinquish it. I-70 and I-80 were his territory: he, and only he, would service truckers taking goods from California ports to East Coast markets when they inevitably got tired and horny in the the heartland.
Peterman, narrowing his beady eyes, hissed in disagreement. He was the undisputed king of I-95, but traffic was seasonal. Some of the big ports on his route, like Baltimore, slowed down in the winter. Truckers head east from Long Beach and Oakland all year round, but they don't head north or south from Baltimore much in the dead of winter. Peterman needed east-west traffic through at least Youngstown, OH.
Doobs chuckled at the demand. He took out his iPad, bought for him by a man named "Coach Flaps", and opened the Excel app. "That's a list of every DC 5 you've hooked up with and what STDs they have. Would you like me to post it on all the trucker forums?"
Peterman hissed. Doobs made it clear that he, and only he, would take enormous trucker cock in Youngstown, OH. But he was magnanimous in victory. The reality is, doobs knew that this was a decades-long career on the lots he was managing. He couldn't service Iowa, Indiana, Ohio, AND Pennsylvania. So he agreed to declare Pennsylvania neutral. The entire PA turnpike, both the main east-west section and the new spur up to Allentown, was neutral, including the trucker mecca of Breezewood. Anyone could sell themselves there. Peterman retained exclusive rights to I-95 south of NYC, and extended his territory all the way down to South Carolina, where he could now work at South of the Border, the famous Mexican-themed truck stop.
They took care of the other poasters too. They confirmed tedcruz's exclusive right to service the truckers carrying goods up from Mexico to Seattle via I-5, as well as the fruit and vegetable truck drivers carrying produce from the fertile California valley to points north and south. And they set aside I-95 from NYC to Boston, the commuter routes from Boston to Manchester, and the backroads of rural Maine for boner_police, so he would have a job lined up upon his graduation from Tufts.
I present to you, the Treaty of Breezewood
https://i.imgur.com/Thi1pcv.jpg
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3785815&forum_id=2#34606730)
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Date: November 5th, 2017 10:37 AM Author: Slimy claret psychic
I envision this playing out across the table in the largest conference room Breezewood could accommodate (at the Hampton Inn), both parties flanked by an army of lawyers. Doobs went with the predictable choice of Jones Day, the midwest powerhouse. In the lead-up, Peterman's front team was Drinker Biddle. Not the most impressive firm, but big in Philly, and in the heart of the I-95 corridor. But when the two sides finally met, Peterman showed up with a trio of well-polished senior partners from Cravath. The same Cravath doobs had stalked years before, leading to the infamous restraining order.
Doobs was shaken, and his Jones Day team could tell. So one of them started pounding the table screaming that they would rush to the court to file something or other. Both sides left the conference room and retreated to separate bedrooms (double beds, no couch). Eventually they returned when the Subway sandwiches arrived, and calmed by the starch intake, the negotiation began...
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3785815&forum_id=2#34608249) |
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