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Good writers: Fix this clunky sentence I can't seem to fix

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
blue center
  04/30/21
"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenge...
sticky impressive bbw indirect expression
  04/30/21
they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a ...
bossy clown blood rage
  04/30/21
Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, jus...
apoplectic excitant principal's office nowag
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
green insecure gaming laptop
  05/02/21
Quick fixxx
Flirting indian lodge
  02/25/22
“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a ...
supple dragon
  04/30/21
...
comical sable keepsake machete
  04/30/21
i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts e...
blue center
  04/30/21
Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main pe...
supple dragon
  04/30/21
C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "...
blue center
  04/30/21
"at this time" ROFL
sticky impressive bbw indirect expression
  04/30/21
Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually d...
bossy clown blood rage
  04/30/21
Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/...
supple dragon
  04/30/21
You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be impo...
bossy clown blood rage
  04/30/21
While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C w...
Razzle candlestick maker dingle berry
  04/30/21
...
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  04/30/21
As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passe...
unholy son of senegal
  04/30/21
This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just g...
yellow corn cake
  04/30/21
...
blue center
  04/30/21
...
Deep step-uncle's house generalized bond
  04/30/21
...
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  04/30/21
...
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  04/30/21
Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like...
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As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, an...
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  04/30/21
...
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...
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FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshi...
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As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX ...
shivering dilemma cumskin
  04/30/21
i think you nailed it.
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  04/30/21
...
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  04/30/21
i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being perform...
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A and B passed D and C, who was driving.
Bateful lake dog poop
  04/30/21
...
Twisted Chapel
  04/30/21
sounds like a riddle
sticky impressive bbw indirect expression
  04/30/21
i hate this crap As A and B were driving in the X area, t...
flesh address party of the first part
  04/30/21
i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly o...
blue center
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who...
flesh address party of the first part
  04/30/21
doesn't it need "D's car"
blue center
  04/30/21
it says he was driving, which means an automobile. if y...
flesh address party of the first part
  04/30/21
Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was ...
bossy clown blood rage
  04/30/21
you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interest...
Sick orchestra pit headpube
  04/30/21
Were A and B both at the wheel?
Hairless onyx coldplay fan sanctuary
  04/30/21
turns out it was a tandem bicycle.
comical sable keepsake machete
  04/30/21
...
Twisted Chapel
  04/30/21
As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted...
Appetizing Cuckold Jew
  04/30/21
The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the ot...
Coral persian stage
  04/30/21
star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain
Bateful lake dog poop
  04/30/21
still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of i...
Coral persian stage
  04/30/21
...
supple dragon
  04/30/21
Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going thr...
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  04/30/21
...
Autistic twinkling nursing home
  04/30/21
A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged...
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  04/30/21
...
lascivious brethren hospital
  02/22/22
So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's th...
Stirring Shrine Telephone
  04/30/21
400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the for...
razzmatazz parlor goyim
  04/30/21
Wow
Stirring Shrine Telephone
  04/30/21
I just copied this from a brief.
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...
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titcr.
Twisted Chapel
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180
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how
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High | level | legal work
Zippy Philosopher-king
  04/30/21
...
buck-toothed brindle home dysfunction
  04/30/21
Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car...
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  04/30/21
A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as ...
Electric spot
  04/30/21
two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his ca...
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  04/30/21
C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook a...
Crimson Marvelous Resort
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Ungodly Stage Trust Fund
  04/30/21
Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may h...
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  04/30/21
This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more...
Idiotic shimmering mother
  04/30/21
...
Confused magical institution
  04/30/21
...
yellow corn cake
  04/30/21
...
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  04/30/21
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Confused magical institution
  02/22/22
writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I ...
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  04/30/21
Did you try the hydro hack?
yellow corn cake
  04/30/21
What’s that
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  04/30/21
You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. Th...
yellow corn cake
  04/30/21
...
Deep step-uncle's house generalized bond
  04/30/21
Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, ...
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  04/30/21
A and B saw C driving in X
Glittery international law enforcement agency
  04/30/21
andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed ...
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  04/30/21
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Talented legal warrant
  04/30/21
great thread
Idiotic shimmering mother
  04/30/21
Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence. A and...
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  04/30/21
A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through ar...
Sick orchestra pit headpube
  04/30/21
...
Sick orchestra pit headpube
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...
Sick orchestra pit headpube
  05/23/21
Where are we on this? Thank
yellow corn cake
  05/02/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
lascivious brethren hospital
  02/22/22
OP, does this help?
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  02/25/22
i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't m...
Mind-boggling Piazza
  06/22/22
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spectacular high-end old irish cottage hall
  04/19/26
"and containing D as" -> "in which D was&q...
lascivious brethren hospital
  04/19/26
Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not...
Twisted Chapel
  04/19/26
...
spectacular high-end old irish cottage hall
  04/19/26


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:48 AM
Author: blue center

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376133)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:57 AM
Author: sticky impressive bbw indirect expression

"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenger, by both A and B."

(no one gives a fuck whether A and B were driving or doing a standing 69 at the time they saw these faggots)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376836)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: bossy clown blood rage

they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a role potentially. Better to keep it clean.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376873)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:10 PM
Author: apoplectic excitant principal's office nowag

Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, just that they passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377665)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:40 PM
Author: green insecure gaming laptop

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42386999)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:42 PM
Author: Flirting indian lodge
Subject: Quick fixxx

As A and B were driving in X, they passed a car driven by C containing D as a passenger.

EDIT: LMAO at the date

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032731)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:52 AM
Author: supple dragon

“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C. D was a passenger in C’s car at the time.”

Would break up the sentences. Your original sentence isn’t terrible though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376145)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:53 AM
Author: comical sable keepsake machete



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376148)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: blue center

i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts emphasis on "D was a passenger in C’s car at this time" -- which is a minor detail.

it doesn't really matter whether C or D is the driver.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376159)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:56 AM
Author: supple dragon

Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main person.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376166)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: blue center

C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "C's car" for clarity

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376201)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:51 AM
Author: sticky impressive bbw indirect expression

"at this time"

ROFL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376807)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:54 AM
Author: bossy clown blood rage

Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually driving. Or were they in two separate cars, both of which passed C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376155)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: supple dragon

Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/c I didn’t know what the surrounding sentences are like.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376160)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:04 AM
Author: bossy clown blood rage

You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be important to be clear who was driving in the passing car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Razzle candlestick maker dingle berry

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C was driving with a passenger, D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376157)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:57 AM
Author: spectacular high-end old irish cottage hall



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376168)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:58 AM
Author: unholy son of senegal

As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: yellow corn cake

This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just generally to give you the right idea on how to handle this sort of thing, please develop as part of an exercise in your own development as a lawyer. Really need to break this into clauses that explain everything.

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

WHEREAS A, B, C, and D are human persons domiciled in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS X is a certain area in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS A, B, and C are legally authorized to operate motor vehicles ("cars" and each individual such vehicle a "car")

WHEREAS on that certain date, A, B, and C were operating cars.

WHEREAS on that certain date, D was a passenger in the car operated by C.

Now, therefore be it resolved, on that certain date, the aforementioned cars traversed on intersecting paths in Area X.

[I assume by "passed" you mean "passed" as in "they passed by each other while headed in different directions," revise if you mean they were going the same way and A/B's cars passed/overtook C's car.]

Please handle and recirculate, thanks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: blue center



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376203)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: Deep step-uncle's house generalized bond



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376392)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:08 AM
Author: Curious Dopamine House



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376526)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:25 AM
Author: Frozen bonkers theatre mad cow disease



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376657)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:40 PM
Author: Bisexual aquamarine stag film reading party

Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44453959)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Free-loading Smoky Jap Patrolman

As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, and although none of them said a word, they understood each other perfectly. It was X area after all. Are there any Xs around, they wondered? They passed a beaten-up vehicle with ridiculous oversized chromed wheels with C as a driver and D as a passenger. X's! - thought A and B. C and D did not think anything. They were high.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376178)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:36 AM
Author: Autistic twinkling nursing home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376332)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Racy citrine crackhouse psychic



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376340)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Motley tan bawdyhouse

FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshit car alone(some other NIFmGGA was drivomg alone in another car) they passed ALPHA TURD C , who has MANY DRINKING BUDDIES, SO NATURALLY HAD A PASSENGER (most likely an AZNgirl getting wet for MAMMOTH TURDCOCK)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376183)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: shivering dilemma cumskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376187)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: yellow corn cake



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376195)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Appetizing Cuckold Jew



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376249)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: turquoise hateful ticket booth azn



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376406)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:36 AM
Author: histrionic underhanded degenerate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376713)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:37 AM
Author: Deep step-uncle's house generalized bond



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376724)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:32 PM
Author: passionate heaven



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377057)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2021 12:19 AM
Author: shivering dilemma cumskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42380818)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: shivering dilemma cumskin

As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX area, C drove by with D cumming in his ass.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376184)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: comical sable keepsake machete

i think you nailed it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376191)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: Idiotic shimmering mother



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: comical sable keepsake machete

i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being performed right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376189)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: buck-toothed brindle home dysfunction



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376669)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Bateful lake dog poop

A and B passed D and C, who was driving.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376194)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Twisted Chapel



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376341)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:52 AM
Author: sticky impressive bbw indirect expression

sounds like a riddle

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376816)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: flesh address party of the first part

i hate this crap

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D driving with C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376197)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: blue center

i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly off

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376206)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: flesh address party of the first part

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who was driving with C).

This is it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376211)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:07 AM
Author: blue center

doesn't it need "D's car"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376216)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:42 AM
Author: flesh address party of the first part

it says he was driving, which means an automobile.

if you think specifying what kind of automobile is a key detail then can add that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376370)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: bossy clown blood rage

Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was driving. Ever. If he wasnt.

As A was driving, they passed ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376208)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: Sick orchestra pit headpube

you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interested.

"Where did this take place? In X. And what happened in X? A and B were together in a car. And what did that car do? Why it passed by another car, a car driven by C. And was C alone in that second car? No, no C was not. C was with D. That's right. A and B passed C and D. It's all true."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376212)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:08 AM
Author: Hairless onyx coldplay fan sanctuary

Were A and B both at the wheel?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376217)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:13 AM
Author: comical sable keepsake machete

turns out it was a tandem bicycle.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376233)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:20 AM
Author: Twisted Chapel



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376607)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Appetizing Cuckold Jew

As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted area, they passed a car driven by a nigger and containing some other faggot as a passenger. Regards, I hope this helps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376246)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:26 AM
Author: Coral persian stage

The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the other, C was driving D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376290)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:29 AM
Author: Bateful lake dog poop

star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376306)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:31 AM
Author: Coral persian stage

still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of items to hit: location, two cars, who was each driver and who was each passenger, that they passed.

This does it and leaves no uncertainty at all

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376317)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:34 AM
Author: supple dragon



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376330)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:35 AM
Author: Racy citrine crackhouse psychic

Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going through section X. *makes large "X" using forearms* And boom! Right there, they pass car C. *makes "C" using hand* A car which, at the time, was containing D *unzips pants* as a passenger. *pulls cock out of fly* Any questions?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376331)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Autistic twinkling nursing home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376336)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:40 AM
Author: Boyish greedy mood national security agency

A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged in that most fanciful of modern hobbies, navigation of modern paved roads in a device propelled by an internal combustion engine, whence, they happened to pass by and through the X area. It was delightful that time of year and a welcome respite from their usual tiresome surroundings. And, as fate or chance, or even perhaps the Muses had it, another fellow engaged in the very same hobby happened by. Of course, known to them, and combustion engine navigators the State over, twas C along with D. Both were fair fellows and known to A and B. As custom would insist they happened both to notice and acknowledge each other, hobbyists in the same pursuit as they were.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376358)



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Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:09 AM
Author: lascivious brethren hospital



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008930)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:44 AM
Author: Stirring Shrine Telephone

So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's the thing: they were in X area, and what's problematic is they passed by C—yes, THAT C. C had a passenger at the time, D. Here's why that's not okay.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376389)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: razzmatazz parlor goyim

400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the force of the acceleration pressing him against the sport bucket seats of his Turbo Allegra Mk. 2, their soft, well-sourced alcantara cosseting his tightly leather chapped legs, the micromechanical motors within instantaneously adjusting to each minor perturbation in the vehicle's three-axis orientation to keep him perfectly balanced, its SWIFT systems scanning kilometers ahead of them in real-time and predictively modulating the various electromagnetic and anti-kinetic shielding systems in order to protect their passage as they rocketed upward toward the gateway to area X--area X, the Sacred Seat of Cybernetic Heaven, its secrets whispering to the hovels of his birthplace below, beckoning brave boys with the Siren Song: "Come, Unlock Our Treasurehosue of Wonder or Die Trying"; "It's a goddamn marvel--" that was B, his copilot jockey, in the seat beside him--he'd always liked the tech stuff, engineered things were his jig and jive and the natural knack he'd expressed for them had been evident since his Fourth Year when he'd spontaneously programmed a molecular excavator during off time while the rest of the class was at the playground; he and B had been practicing for this for over three years, secretive sessions when the sensor rings slipped from alignment every third week on Sunday for maintena--"we have a fucking BOGEY at 3 o'clock HIGH!" B screamed, interrupting his meditation on the past--the systems of the Allegra were fast, but B was faster and he'd spotted the incoming a split second before the computerized indication of the same: "Warning, SWIFT has detected an intrusion in the third--" he cut off the computer; he knew what he needed to know: C was moving to intercept them in his Outrigger, accompanied by D; they'd planned for this eventuality, both the conflict itself and the psychology of facing your own brother and cousin 45 kilometers up in the air, each precise maneuver tiptoeing on the razor thin edge between life and death, a minute miscalculation capable of throwing you off the wrong side into a fiery midair death--there was something poignant about it, the notion that he could die up here in an instant and to his friends and family in the warrens of Bressville below, toiling through their daily tasks with no comprehension of the enormous aerial pageantry above them, his life could blot out with no greater signifier than a vanishing spot of light in the sky; he banished the thought of this and other things as he shouted in the cockpit "let's smoke these fuckers" and pushed down hard on the throttle, the frame of the Allegra bending, straining, complying with the command as they soared to meet the enemy head on, he and B laughing aloud at the thrill of it all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376393)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Stirring Shrine Telephone

Wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376411)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: razzmatazz parlor goyim

I just copied this from a brief.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376419)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:15 AM
Author: turquoise hateful ticket booth azn



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376574)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:54 AM
Author: bossy clown blood rage

Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. Every time, I explain that "It's just lawyers--we get bored at work--yeah, I know, that's what makes it funny--"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376824)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:21 PM
Author: misanthropic chrome windowlicker selfie



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377415)



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Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Confused magical institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008886)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Charismatic Umber Becky Weed Whacker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722509)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:51 AM
Author: spectacular high-end old irish cottage hall



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376432)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Twisted Chapel

titcr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376504)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:10 AM
Author: misanthropic chrome windowlicker selfie

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376531)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:18 AM
Author: Deep step-uncle's house generalized bond



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376589)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:23 AM
Author: Idiotic shimmering mother



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376641)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: Confused magical institution

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376648)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Deep step-uncle's house generalized bond

attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376708)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 1:13 PM
Author: Bateful lake dog poop

how

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377366)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:36 AM
Author: passionate heaven



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722527)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:35 AM
Author: yellow corn cake



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376711)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 12:00 PM
Author: sinister erotic sandwich



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376866)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: Sapphire Cruise Ship Hominid



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376872)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:27 PM
Author: Idiotic shimmering mother



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378128)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 1st, 2021 9:20 PM
Author: sinister erotic sandwich



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42558237)



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Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Confused magical institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008882)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:05 AM
Author: sinister erotic sandwich

this is incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008910)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:39 PM
Author: Confused magical institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032706)



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Date: May 4th, 2022 12:31 PM
Author: adulterous disrespectful haunted graveyard field



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44453902)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:31 AM
Author: Charismatic Umber Becky Weed Whacker

wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722507)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:34 AM
Author: misanthropic chrome windowlicker selfie



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722517)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:44 AM
Author: 180 doctorate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722548)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: Zippy Philosopher-king

High | level | legal work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376422)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: buck-toothed brindle home dysfunction



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376672)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:55 AM
Author: odious ebony filthpig national

Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car driven by C with D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376456)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Electric spot

A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as a passenger, as they drove through the X area.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376505)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:07 AM
Author: bat shit crazy queen of the night

two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376517)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:13 AM
Author: Crimson Marvelous Resort

C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook and passed them. B overtook and passed them too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376555)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:19 AM
Author: Ungodly Stage Trust Fund

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C, which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376600)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: hairraiser territorial public bath

Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may have made the same suggestion, but I’d go with:

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car containing C (driver) and D (passenger).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376651)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:27 AM
Author: Idiotic shimmering mother

This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more concise.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376665)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Confused magical institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376704)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: yellow corn cake



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376736)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:08 PM
Author: razzmatazz parlor goyim



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377648)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:01 AM
Author: Confused magical institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008887)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Light fear-inspiring cuck

writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I recently jumped from GOV to tech

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376695)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: yellow corn cake

Did you try the hydro hack?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376699)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: Grizzly chad tanning salon

What’s that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376738)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:41 AM
Author: yellow corn cake

You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. This will, among other things, improve cognitive function and therefore improve your writing. While you're at it also check your posture I bet you're slouching right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376746)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:49 AM
Author: Deep step-uncle's house generalized bond



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376800)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:17 PM
Author: Glittery international law enforcement agency

Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, subject verb object. Not hard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:16 PM
Author: Glittery international law enforcement agency

A and B saw C driving in X

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377381)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:28 PM
Author: Vibrant violet prole

andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed carl and dave in their car.

this doesn't define who is driving and who is riding though.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377449)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:38 PM
Author: Talented legal warrant

I am gay

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377484)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: Idiotic shimmering mother

great thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:39 PM
Author: slippery abode

Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence.

A and B were driving in the X area. [query: are they both driving separate cars?] C driving D passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 8:29 PM
Author: Sick orchestra pit headpube

A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through area X, and with them were B and D, passengers; B was with A while D was with C; A and B passed by C and D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42379691)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:50 PM
Author: Sick orchestra pit headpube



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42387061)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 23rd, 2021 3:44 PM
Author: Sick orchestra pit headpube



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42509184)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:36 PM
Author: yellow corn cake

Where are we on this? Thank

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42386977)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:06 AM
Author: lascivious brethren hospital

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C in which D was a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008916)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:44 PM
Author: sticky impressive bbw indirect expression

OP, does this help?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032743)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Mind-boggling Piazza

i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't matter. aren't state court judges borderline retarded?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722512)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:23 PM
Author: spectacular high-end old irish cottage hall



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:42 PM
Author: lascivious brethren hospital

"and containing D as" -> "in which D was", otherwise fine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 1:15 PM
Author: Twisted Chapel

Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not sure we’ve got it figured out just yet. Let’s put a pin in it and move on. OP: what’s the next sentence?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827228)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 2:57 PM
Author: spectacular high-end old irish cottage hall



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827363)