Author's Note: The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (on board or off), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

Cast

Hun Kyu Chang, the son of a minor feudal lord

Lord Hei Eun-Kyung, his father

Joo Lee Min, Emperor's Daughter

Emperor Min, the Emperor of Korea

Kelvin Idiotskii, Waegukin Eunuch

Pi Gu Idiotskii, his wife

In the court of Emperor Min, the son of a minor feudal lord, Hun Kyu has fallen in love with the Emperor's daughter, Joo Lee. He sits around all day writing songs and poetry for her, but his devotion is gone unnoticed by all except for the Court Eunuch, Kelvin Idiotskii. Kelvin fled the Warsaw pogroms and moved to Korea where through his marriage to Pi Gu, has found himself in the favor of Emperor Min. (Pi Gu chased the Emperor relentlessly, and by marrying Idiotskii, the Emperor was free from the unwanted sexual advances.) He collects dirt on all court officials and seeks to rise up in the ranks by blackmailing others to do his bidding. One day he goes to the shy Hun Kyu to encourage him to pursue the fair Joo Lee.

(My Boy, you may take it from me, Ruddigore)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ-ynWF_Pok

Kelvin: My boy, you may take it from me

That of all the virtues dispersed

With which man's been blessed

And endowed and impressed

A sincere disposition's the worst

Though honest as honest can be

Like a banker in modern finance

You must deny it and never admit it

And become a lying hypocrite

Or, trust me, you haven't a chance

---

If you wish that young lady to seduce,

Artistic license you must abuse,

You must stir it and stump it,

And blow your own trumpet,

Or, trust me, you won't get that caboose!

---

Now take, for example, my own,

I've a bright legalistic brain

In all Orlando city, there's not one so witty

I've said so again and again.

I've a net-worth overblown

My debts I all have denied

But, whatever I try in, I succeed – and why?

I'm achievement personified!

---

If you wish upon her to advance,

Your merits you have to enhance,

You must stir it and stump it,

And blow your own trumpet,

Or, trust me, you haven't a chance!

---

As a lawyer, I'm tenacious, it's true

I'll earn a fortune in this case

From dental firms to management groups

And ambulances I'll give chase

Then from the fortunes I accrue

I'll buy truffled fine steaks with some fries

To say I'm a deadbeat

Would just be plain deceit

For I'm honest, and prudent and wise!

Taking the Eunuch's advice, Hun Kyu now poses as a married Harvard professor which immediately wins the love and affection of the young Joo Lee. They sing the following duet.

(None shall part us, Iolanthe)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcUMCPKdJ2o

Joo Lee: None shall part us from each other,

One in life and death are we:

All in all to one another —

I to thee and thou to me!

---

Joo Lee/// Hun Kyu

Thou the track, and I the Foot Locker /// I the track, thou the Foot Locker;

Thou the Christian, I the Julian; /// I the Christian, thou the Julian;

Thou the Big Green, and I the alma mater; /// I the Big Green, and thou the alma mater;

Thou the sinner; I the sin! /// I the sinner; thou the sin!

---

Hun Kyu: All in all since that Web-Ex meeting

When, Bob Chad, I spoke to find

Mine the heart within thee beating,

Mine the love that heart enshrined!

---

Joo Lee/// Hun Kyu

Thou the stream, and I the willow; /// I the stream, and thou the willow;

Thou the sculptor, I the clay; /// I the sculptor, thou the clay;

Thou the ocean, I the billow; /// I the ocean, thou the billow;

Thou the sunrise, I the day! /// I the sunrise, thou the day!

Now that Hun Kyu has won the heart of Joo Lee through deception, the eunuch Kelvin reveals his plan from the start. Like a worm caught in his web, Hun Kyu must now get his father Lord Hei Eun-Kyung to retire from court life and bestow his honor and wealth to Kelvin or else Kelvin will expose Hun Kyu's lies to Joo Lee.

(My eyes are fully open, Ruddigore)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmBri9kvptE

Hun Kyu: My eyes are fully open to my awful situation –

I shall go at once to Joo Lee and make her an oration.

I shall tell her I've recovered my forgotten moral senses,

And I don't care twopence-halfpenny for any consequences.

Now I do not want to perish by outing or by the dagger,

But a martyr may indulge a little pardonable swagger,

And a word or two of apology his vanity would flatter,

But I've got to outed by 6pm, so it really doesn't matter!

---

Kelvin and Pi Gu: So it really doesn't matter –

matter, matter, matter, matter,

So it really doesn't matter,

---

Pi Gu: If were not a little thick and generally chubby

I should give you my advice upon the subject, my hubby-wubby;

I should show you in a moment how to grapple with his litigation,

And you'd really be astonished at the extent of his rent-evasion.

On the subject I shall write you a most valuable primer,

Full of excellent suggestions when I feel a little thinner,

But at present I'm afraid I am as thick as pancake-batter,

So I'll keep 'em to myself, for my opinion doesn't matter!

---

Hun Kyu and Kelvin: Her opinion doesn't matter,

matter, matter, matter, matter,

Her opinion doesn't matter,

---

Kelvin: If I had been so lucky as to have a hotter other

Who would talk to me on the phone as I have with one another –

Who I'd give good advice when she discovered she was erring

(Which is just the very favour you want after 16.5 SOL transferring),

My existence would have made a rather interesting idyll,

And I might have lived and died a very decent individual.

This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter

Isn't generally heard, and if it is it doesn't matter!

Unwilling to give the evil Eunuch what he wants, Hun Kyu decides to tell the truth instead. Resigned to confess, Hun Kyu approaches Joo Lee and exposes his deceit.

(Tit-Willow, The Mikado)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO8zVY6xspg

Hun Kyu: On a board full of racists, a balding fatass

Poasted "faggot, creepy faggot, creepy faggot"

And I said to him "Dicky-boy, why are you so crass"

Poasting "faggot, creepy faggot, creepy faggot"

"Is it weakness of intellect, lawyer?", I cried

"Or no tough little worm caught in your web inside"

With a shake of his fist, the poor lawyer replied

"Oh, faggot, creepy faggot, creepy faggot!"

---

He puffed up his chest, as he wrote on that board

Poasting "faggot, creepy faggot, creepy faggot"

And perspiration bespangled his pot-belly gourd

"Oh, faggot, creepy faggot, creepy faggot"

He argued and threatened and notice he gave

Then he plunged into that thread with intent to deprave

And an echo arose from the deleted thread's grave

"Oh, faggot, creepy faggot, creepy faggot"

---

Now I feel just as sure as I'm sure that my name

Isn't "faggot, creepy faggot, creepy faggot"

That was blighted affection that made him exclaim

"Oh, faggot, creepy faggot, creepy faggot"

And if you remain callous and obdurate, I

Shall perish as he did, and you will know why

Though I probably shall not exclaim as I die

"Oh, faggot, creepy faggot, creepy faggot."

The song softened Joo Lee's heart of ice and she decided to stay with Hun Kyu and they got married. And they lived happily ever after. Shortly later, uhh... the Emperor totally died from natural causes, yes, nothing fishy, and Hun Kyu ascended to the throne. And Kelvin Idiotskii was sentenced to death. Ya. That's right.

Curtain falls.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5189883&forum_id=2#45150901)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5189883&forum_id=2#45151833)

But I have to remind myself, I am writing this for myself and not any particular audience member in mind...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5189883&forum_id=2#45154096)

Very happy with

"I the sinner; thou the sin!"

what can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5189883&forum_id=2#45156464)

Women are all tabula rasa, friend

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5189883&forum_id=2#45156783)

FTW

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5189883&forum_id=2#45156615)

I thought about rewriting Tristan und Isolde in German, mutatis mutandis, to fit the usual Lord High/GJR narrative. But my German is not good enough. Maybe I'll do just the Liebestod one day when I find the time/motivation/inspiration.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5189883&forum_id=2#45161086)

But the magic of GJR is that you can import her to whatever art form you prefer!

I shouldn't out all my ideas, but one I think I've floated before is to write in the style of The Sorrow of a Young Werther, or another which Lex suggested is to write in the style of two academics passing GJR back and forth and exchanging letters describing their lives and their intimate experiences with GJR.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5189883&forum_id=2#45161194)

The one you speak of has been filthily polluted with too many men.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5189883&forum_id=2#45173068)

Albert = BP

looks like it works.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5189883&forum_id=2#45173210)

cr is to woo her to my bed with song and poetry.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5189883&forum_id=2#45161883)