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Here is a little old poem I wrote back in 1994-95

I poasted it on here a few years ago. I had graduated f...
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
To be fair, lol fag
salmon excitant station
  09/27/22
...
cheese-eating topaz theater
  09/27/22
...
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
Potatoes spin around in the ground?
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/27/22
It’s magic actually the line fits though. Read it ...
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
The spinning tuber seems to me to present a pretty severe to...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/27/22
Read it again. In the context of a developing root or tuber ...
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
No you plant potatoes a certain oriemtation so the plant goe...
mischievous french chef
  09/27/22
Yeah, I don't think he knows the mechanics of potatoes.
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/27/22
The funny thing is neither of us are wrong.
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
“Neither of us IS” Learn to speak English, geniu...
cheese-eating topaz theater
  09/27/22
I’m not a words guy
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
It goes upward but there is also rotation albeit slowly. The...
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
"But a poem is nonsense anyway" uh
Cyan floppy rigpig
  09/27/22
I accept that you've described your thought process, but a p...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/27/22
Yeah never quite got that. The one and the other go back and...
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
You speak of a "stone" that is like a "tuber&...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/27/22
See my other poasts. It was important that the rotation ...
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
potatoes spinning in their graves tp
Motley trailer park macaca
  09/27/22
I prefer the 14 words
sadistic magical library quadroon
  09/27/22
Less gay I guess. But not by much.
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
Have you ever seen Adam’s cock?
sadistic magical library quadroon
  09/27/22
We were fraternity brothers so you tell me
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
I don’t know, I didn’t go to college. Does it me...
sadistic magical library quadroon
  09/27/22
It does not mean that.
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
So you saw it but you didn’t suck it?
sadistic magical library quadroon
  09/27/22
Really uniquely gay and terrible IMO thanks OP
mischievous french chef
  09/27/22
Just glad you read it.
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
Really bad. Were you thinking about his Idaho tuber?
Fantasy-prone Center Foreskin
  09/27/22
Lol I dunno man. Don’t think so but it definitely sugg...
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
Wow my guy. My dude, wow.
Fantasy-prone Center Foreskin
  09/27/22
I wrote a silly poem about potatoes dancing. Please enjoy: ...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/27/22
Clearly an interesting first draft and you are having fun. ...
alcoholic stag film
  09/27/22
i see what u did there with "eyes", inter alia. ni...
Cyan floppy rigpig
  09/27/22
TY. even worked in mash[ed potatoes]/dance & a reference...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/27/22
i was wondering if you had to crack a thesaurus for esculent...
Cyan floppy rigpig
  09/27/22
nah, just read an encomium to the potato. As one does. http...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/27/22
180
Cyan floppy rigpig
  09/27/22
Don't get me wrong it's good, but I wonder if there is some ...
sexy wrinkle skinny woman
  09/28/22
Good point. I'm stuck on a call but I'll think on it.
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
...
supple bearded garrison hairy legs
  09/28/22
Tweaked it a bit to up the homo/longing subtext: With eye...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
ty
sexy wrinkle skinny woman
  09/28/22
that doesnt work. The problem, as you can probably see,...
alcoholic stag film
  09/28/22
It's a very personal poem about a topic that means a lot to ...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
well there are ways to make it more like that. but youve du...
alcoholic stag film
  09/28/22
...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  11/10/22
...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
You don't have to neg-bump him, bro
Motley trailer park macaca
  09/28/22
I want people to read my potato poem.
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
...
Cocky famous landscape painting step-uncle's house
  09/28/22
Interesting. Best I can do is try to control quality. IMO it...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
I still don't get why out of all that chapbook he picked tha...
Cyan floppy rigpig
  09/28/22
Potatobagging.
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
...
Cyan floppy rigpig
  09/28/22
Actually that wasn't in the chapbook. I figured folks here ...
alcoholic stag film
  09/28/22
yes, please post more.
cheese-eating topaz theater
  09/28/22
...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
...
Motley trailer park macaca
  09/28/22
ty plz analyze these too http://www.autoadmit.com/thread...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
okay very interesting. what is GP3?
alcoholic stag film
  09/28/22
https://openai.com/api/
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
With eyes that see the whole world, they spin DONT OPEN W...
alcoholic stag film
  09/28/22
Thanks. Re: "night's shade," I'll note potatoes ar...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
Great! well then you have to use it! but make better use. ...
alcoholic stag film
  09/28/22
I'm lol'ing imagining SP screaming this all-caps crit at his...
Motley trailer park macaca
  09/28/22
It's not so different from partner redlines I've seen. Brief...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/28/22
I know our formatting options are limited on XO, but it's th...
Motley trailer park macaca
  09/28/22
i figured the obnoxiousness of the critique (no one really l...
alcoholic stag film
  09/28/22
when you feel a line "just works," the sound is pa...
alcoholic stag film
  09/28/22
...
Motley trailer park macaca
  09/28/22
why not?
cheese-eating topaz theater
  09/28/22
hats off to ya bro. I have no idea whether it is a good poem...
supple bearded garrison hairy legs
  09/28/22
Didn't the board find a collection of your poems at some poi...
Federal Indian Lodge
  09/28/22
Some say that man was made out of clay, Created by God in o...
deep double fault
  09/28/22
Nailed it
alcoholic stag film
  09/28/22
*awards you xo’s highest honor, the Pomme de Terre*
cheese-eating topaz theater
  09/28/22
...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  09/29/22
Was the "Raincoat" poem yours, or just just 180 XO...
Startled hospital organic girlfriend
  09/29/22
CQ
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  11/17/22
...
Spectacular Sapphire Parlor
  11/17/22
Are you done with your most recent paranoid delusion break, ...
Adolf Anderssen
  11/29/22
Im working on an opening statement now man
Harrison Bergeron is back
  11/29/22


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 9:53 AM
Author: alcoholic stag film

I poasted it on here a few years ago.

I had graduated from college and my best buds were scattered all over, and I missed them a lot. I guess, reading over it now, I guess I loved them (no homo).

Anyway, this is the little poem, which some of you have seen before:



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45237278)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:30 PM
Author: salmon excitant station

To be fair,

lol fag

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240925)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:30 PM
Author: cheese-eating topaz theater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240928)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:27 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240906)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:29 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

Potatoes spin around in the ground?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240912)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:29 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

It’s magic

actually the line fits though. Read it again. There’s gonna be rotation. Turning. But not spinning. I didn’t say spinning.

I was smart. Labored on it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240921)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:33 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

The spinning tuber seems to me to present a pretty severe tonal problem. It just seems silly, like it's a line about boner police's dead ancestors being upset at him dating someone like GJR. (The potatoes were spinning in their graves!)

And the "rate and berate", etc. smacks of faggy Ginsburg/Walt Whitman-inflected junk.

Not my cup of tea.

But, yaknow, poetry is hard.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240945)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:34 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

Read it again. In the context of a developing root or tuber which will indeed turn and unwind albeit very slowly as it grows. I didn’t use the word spin either which suggests speed. I said turn right before earth. Ur sound. And then tuber after that. See above poast from me as well. Writers of poems are terrible explainers but I am asking you to see the movement which is otherwise undetectable.

who the fuck knows. But at least get the words right before you say a line is silly.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240955)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:38 PM
Author: mischievous french chef

No you plant potatoes a certain oriemtation so the plant goes upward when it germinates lol i just harvested 2 burlap sacks of them this weekend you're done here

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240983)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:39 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

Yeah, I don't think he knows the mechanics of potatoes.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240990)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:43 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

The funny thing is neither of us are wrong.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241018)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:45 PM
Author: cheese-eating topaz theater

“Neither of us IS” Learn to speak English, genius.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241028)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:47 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

I’m not a words guy

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241041)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:41 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

It goes upward but there is also rotation albeit slowly. The roots expanding force a slow rotation and also the growing mass against the soil effects a displacement.

This is seriously what I considered at the time.

But a poem is nonsense anyway and you may be right who the fuck knows. I think I’m right because of the nature of the stuff I know but who knows.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241002)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:41 PM
Author: Cyan floppy rigpig

"But a poem is nonsense anyway"

uh

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241005)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:56 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

I accept that you've described your thought process, but a poet must find the objective correlative.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241081)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:58 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

Yeah never quite got that. The one and the other go back and forth interacting with each other during the course of the construction of the poem in my humble opinion. But yes Keats was a god.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241094)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:39 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

You speak of a "stone" that is like a "tuber" that "turns in the earth". The image is of a potato revolving about like a breakdancer, or as if it were riding an invisible lazy Susan. You can "turn" soil to bring something buried to the surface, but then it's the _soil_ getting turned.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240986)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:43 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

See my other poasts.

It was important that the rotation of the stone go slowly. Like how plants grow but slower than we can see

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241015)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:36 PM
Author: Motley trailer park macaca

potatoes spinning in their graves tp

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240968)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:29 PM
Author: sadistic magical library quadroon

I prefer the 14 words

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240917)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:30 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

Less gay I guess. But not by much.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240923)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:36 PM
Author: sadistic magical library quadroon

Have you ever seen Adam’s cock?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240972)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:37 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

We were fraternity brothers so you tell me

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240975)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:40 PM
Author: sadistic magical library quadroon

I don’t know, I didn’t go to college. Does it mean you sucked his cock?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240997)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:41 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

It does not mean that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241007)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:42 PM
Author: sadistic magical library quadroon

So you saw it but you didn’t suck it?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241009)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:37 PM
Author: mischievous french chef

Really uniquely gay and terrible IMO thanks OP

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240976)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:44 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

Just glad you read it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241023)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:48 PM
Author: Fantasy-prone Center Foreskin

Really bad. Were you thinking about his Idaho tuber?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241042)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:50 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

Lol I dunno man. Don’t think so but it definitely suggests that doesn’t it. Probably envy in there also.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241056)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:59 PM
Author: Fantasy-prone Center Foreskin

Wow my guy. My dude, wow.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241099)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:55 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

I wrote a silly poem about potatoes dancing. Please enjoy:

With eyes that see the whole world, they spin

Potatoes. Their speed a melody unto itself.

They are the hidden dancers, those submerged

Esculent ones that keep the world alive.

They are night's shade, revolving like the moon,

Till daybreak when they're forced to face the sun.

These are the spuds and tubers, humble and low

root vegetables that we overlook.

Before they're boiled, or roasted, or mashed--

They gyre and revolve in their own underground ball.

And yet we never spy them dance, these spuds--

though they free us from famine with such love.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241075)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:57 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

Clearly an interesting first draft and you are having fun. It’s a tiny bit better than your last one too.

See! It’s a fun hobby.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241086)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:58 PM
Author: Cyan floppy rigpig

i see what u did there with "eyes", inter alia. nice.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241092)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 8:00 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

TY. even worked in mash[ed potatoes]/dance & a reference to that book on potatoes I read, "Propitious Esculent". But forgot to include reference to The Potato Diet. Oh, well.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241103)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 8:00 PM
Author: Cyan floppy rigpig

i was wondering if you had to crack a thesaurus for esculent lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241108)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 8:01 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

nah, just read an encomium to the potato. As one does.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Propitious_Esculent

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241115)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 8:02 PM
Author: Cyan floppy rigpig

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241118)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:42 PM
Author: sexy wrinkle skinny woman

Don't get me wrong it's good, but I wonder if there is some way to lace the potato imagery with homosexual longing?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245574)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:48 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

Good point. I'm stuck on a call but I'll think on it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245616)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:23 PM
Author: supple bearded garrison hairy legs



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245821)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:27 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

Tweaked it a bit to up the homo/longing subtext:

With eyes that see the whole world, they spin

Potatoes. Their speed a melody unto itself.

They are closeted dancers, those submerged

Esculent ones that keep the world alive.

They are night's shade, revolving like the moon,

Till daybreak when they're forced to face the sun.

These are the spuds and tubers, girthy and full

root vegetables I can't overlook.

Before they're boiled, or roasted, or mashed--

They gyre and revolve around their underground balls.

And women never spy them dance, these spuds--

though they free us from famine with such love.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245838)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:31 PM
Author: sexy wrinkle skinny woman

ty

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245873)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:31 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

that doesnt work.

The problem, as you can probably see, is youve got one basic image--turning potatoes--and you cant throw in things like doors and closets into the picture or we get a mishmash.

I would maybe play with something about the indiscriminancy of their reproductive process, or how their reproduction does not require an opposite ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245875)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:33 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

It's a very personal poem about a topic that means a lot to me: an underground gay disco filled with dancing potatoes. I wouldn't expect you to get it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245885)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:40 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

well there are ways to make it more like that. but youve dug yourself a hole with the tone so far that wont really get you there.

i kind of like the idea of talking about potatoes as gay dudes in a disco. youd have to come at it from an entirely different angle though to start. I wouldnt know where to begin on something like that. probably how they lay low during the day and then ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245932)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 10th, 2022 7:25 AM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45470730)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 1:29 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245048)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:39 PM
Author: Motley trailer park macaca

You don't have to neg-bump him, bro

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245553)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:40 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

I want people to read my potato poem.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245559)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:46 PM
Author: Cocky famous landscape painting step-uncle's house



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245603)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:47 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

Interesting. Best I can do is try to control quality. IMO it is a drafting tool, not a replacement for sense.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245609)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:46 PM
Author: Cyan floppy rigpig

I still don't get why out of all that chapbook he picked that one. So yeah, you're basically teabagging him in halo 1 multi-player at this point.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245605)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:47 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

Potatobagging.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245612)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:49 PM
Author: Cyan floppy rigpig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245625)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:13 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

Actually that wasn't in the chapbook. I figured folks here had seen the chapbook so I wanted to put one up from a different perspective. A very early poem, as I said.

As to Adolf's effort, as I said it's a good first draft of something. He will need to figure out exactly what he is trying to do with it, as it is pretty inchoate. He will need to work on the rhythm of the lines and make some more interesting efforts in terms of sound parallelism. Some of the line breaks don't make a lot of sense. Ultimately he would need to ask himself what he is trying to write about? Just something silly or trivial -- if a flight of imagination we need more flight -- if nothing else why not? There's no self examination in the work--it is effectively still surface level. Those are initial criticisms. I will take a look and poast more.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245741)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:14 PM
Author: cheese-eating topaz theater

yes, please post more.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245750)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:14 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245753)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:34 PM
Author: Motley trailer park macaca



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245890)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:15 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

ty

plz analyze these too http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196456&forum_id=2#45225539



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245756)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:29 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

okay very interesting. what is GP3?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245851)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:30 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

https://openai.com/api/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245861)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:24 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

With eyes that see the whole world, they spin

DONT OPEN W EYES PUN, SAVE THAT FOR FURTHER -- THE LINE BREAK AND POTATOES PART DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

Potatoes. Their speed a melody unto itself.

tHIS LINE IS TOO OVERTLY "POETICAL"--ARE WE TALKING ABOUT "SPINNING" OR SINGING? aND HOW CAN SPEED BE A MELODY. IF ITS VARIABLE? dOES IT MAKE A NOISE?

They are the hidden dancers, those submerged

Esculent ones that keep the world alive.

GOOD.

They are night's shade, revolving like the moon,

Till daybreak when they're forced to face the sun.

I LIKE THE NIGHTS SHADE BUT IT DOESNT WORK AS YOUVE USED IT. NIGHT SHADE THE MUSHROOM -- BUT HOW ARE THE NIGHTS SHADE IF THEY ARE UNDERGROUND WHERE THE MOONLIGHT CANT REACH THEM

AND WHY ARE THEY FORCED TO FACE ANYTHING. THEY ARE UNDERGROUND, NO? REVOLVING LIKE THE MOON--HOW SO?

These are the spuds and tubers, humble and low

OKAY BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE THE AND? ARE WE NOW TALKING ABOUT OTHER TUBERS BESIDES POTATOES AS WELL?

ALSO the function of this line makes it RIPE for assonance which you should exploit more. ITS A FUNCTIONAL ANNOUNCEMENT TYPE OF LINE SO YOU HAVE TO FORCE THE INTENSITY OF THE WORDS SELECTED. AND ONE EASY WAY TO DO THAT IS THROUGH SOUND.

root vegetables that we overlook.

APPARENTLY YES? YOUVE ARGUABLY MOVED AWAY FROM TALKING ABOUT POTATOES TO ALL "ROOT VEGETABLES" AND THE "WE" --LECTURING ALL OF US MIGHT OR MGIHT NOT WORK--NOT SURE IT DOES HERE

Before they're boiled, or roasted, or mashed--

They gyre and revolve in their own underground ball.

I READ BALL AS HALL HERE. SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT. BALL HAS DIFFERENT CONNOTATIONS -- red bouncy ball -- potatoes arent round like that--AND UNDERGROUND HALL IS SORT OF MORE MAGIC GNOME LIKE MAYBE

And yet we never spy them dance, these spuds--

DONT SAY SPUD AGAIN. FIND ANOTHER NEW FUNNY WORD. AND IS THE LINE REALLY NECESSARY? I DONT THINK DANCE I THINK GIMBLE OR THRUM. "Gimble" is better as it couples with gyre above and that of course is jabberwocky which is a signal that you are trying something whimsical. I DONT THINK WE NEED AND YET WE NEVER SPY THEM DANCE AT ALL TO BE HONEST.

though they free us from famine with such love.

AGAIN, TOO OVERT. I THINK YOU WOULD BE BETTER SERVED WITH A DOUBLE KENNING TO END--AND I GET TIRED OF THE WE/US PERPSECTIVE --

AS I SAID, A GOOD EFFORT. VERY VERY RESPECTABLE FOR A FEW MINUTES WORK.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245827)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:29 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

Thanks. Re: "night's shade," I'll note potatoes are a member of the nightshade family.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245848)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:33 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

Great! well then you have to use it! but make better use. Use it as a pun maybe. There's no shade of night, or night shades kin?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245882)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:36 PM
Author: Motley trailer park macaca

I'm lol'ing imagining SP screaming this all-caps crit at his computer screen

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245902)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:37 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

It's not so different from partner redlines I've seen. Brief is about an anti-tying arrangement and you get comments like:

NIGHT SHADE THE MUSHROOM -- BUT HOW ARE THE NIGHTS SHADE IF THEY ARE UNDERGROUND WHERE THE MOONLIGHT CANT REACH THEM

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245919)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:43 PM
Author: Motley trailer park macaca

I know our formatting options are limited on XO, but it's the mental image that sprang to mind

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245953)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:41 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

i figured the obnoxiousness of the critique (no one really likes critiques even though they can massively help) matched the abnoxiousness of all caps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245938)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:47 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

when you feel a line "just works," the sound is part of what puts it together.

For example:

They are the hidden dancers, those submerged

Esculent ones that keep the world alive.

There's a classic set of meter that is working there in those two to add extra power to the line.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245976)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:20 PM
Author: Motley trailer park macaca



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245808)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 2:45 PM
Author: cheese-eating topaz theater

why not?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245597)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:30 PM
Author: supple bearded garrison hairy legs

hats off to ya bro. I have no idea whether it is a good poem or not-- not my bag. Seems pretty interesting with potatoes and not staying put and stuff. However, I would be interested to know how it was received. I think I am a pretty sensitive dude-- a fag, if you will-- and I would think it a little weird if one of my friends sent me this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245866)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:37 PM
Author: Federal Indian Lodge

Didn't the board find a collection of your poems at some point? I think that was when they first realized you did the MFA (or whatever the degree is called)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245913)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 8:45 PM
Author: deep double fault

Some say that man was made out of clay,

Created by God in one day.

But I know better,

He’s just a big ‘tater,

Or the apple of earth if you’re gay.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45247510)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 9:52 PM
Author: alcoholic stag film

Nailed it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45247794)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 10:02 PM
Author: cheese-eating topaz theater

*awards you xo’s highest honor, the Pomme de Terre*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45247843)



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Date: September 29th, 2022 7:31 AM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45249334)



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Date: September 29th, 2022 7:36 AM
Author: Startled hospital organic girlfriend

Was the "Raincoat" poem yours, or just just 180 XO parody?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45249345)



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Date: November 17th, 2022 3:19 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor

CQ

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45507965)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 17th, 2022 3:19 PM
Author: Spectacular Sapphire Parlor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45507961)



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Date: November 29th, 2022 4:27 PM
Author: Adolf Anderssen

Are you done with your most recent paranoid delusion break, sp?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45560028)



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Date: November 29th, 2022 4:54 PM
Author: Harrison Bergeron is back

Im working on an opening statement now man

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45560147)