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Here is a little old poem I wrote back in 1994-95

I poasted it on here a few years ago. I had graduated f...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
To be fair, lol fag
Flushed Contagious Prole Theater Stage
  09/27/22
...
irradiated seedy alpha cuckold
  09/27/22
...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
Potatoes spin around in the ground?
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/27/22
It’s magic actually the line fits though. Read it ...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
The spinning tuber seems to me to present a pretty severe to...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/27/22
Read it again. In the context of a developing root or tuber ...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
No you plant potatoes a certain oriemtation so the plant goe...
galvanic church building
  09/27/22
Yeah, I don't think he knows the mechanics of potatoes.
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/27/22
The funny thing is neither of us are wrong.
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
“Neither of us IS” Learn to speak English, geniu...
irradiated seedy alpha cuckold
  09/27/22
I’m not a words guy
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
It goes upward but there is also rotation albeit slowly. The...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
"But a poem is nonsense anyway" uh
Chrome medicated property
  09/27/22
I accept that you've described your thought process, but a p...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/27/22
Yeah never quite got that. The one and the other go back and...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
You speak of a "stone" that is like a "tuber&...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/27/22
See my other poasts. It was important that the rotation ...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
potatoes spinning in their graves tp
dashing anal center volcanic crater
  09/27/22
I prefer the 14 words
vibrant crawly stage round eye
  09/27/22
Less gay I guess. But not by much.
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
Have you ever seen Adam’s cock?
vibrant crawly stage round eye
  09/27/22
We were fraternity brothers so you tell me
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
I don’t know, I didn’t go to college. Does it me...
vibrant crawly stage round eye
  09/27/22
It does not mean that.
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
So you saw it but you didn’t suck it?
vibrant crawly stage round eye
  09/27/22
Really uniquely gay and terrible IMO thanks OP
galvanic church building
  09/27/22
Just glad you read it.
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
Really bad. Were you thinking about his Idaho tuber?
Insane transparent orchestra pit corn cake
  09/27/22
Lol I dunno man. Don’t think so but it definitely sugg...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
Wow my guy. My dude, wow.
Insane transparent orchestra pit corn cake
  09/27/22
I wrote a silly poem about potatoes dancing. Please enjoy: ...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/27/22
Clearly an interesting first draft and you are having fun. ...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/27/22
i see what u did there with "eyes", inter alia. ni...
Chrome medicated property
  09/27/22
TY. even worked in mash[ed potatoes]/dance & a reference...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/27/22
i was wondering if you had to crack a thesaurus for esculent...
Chrome medicated property
  09/27/22
nah, just read an encomium to the potato. As one does. http...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/27/22
180
Chrome medicated property
  09/27/22
Don't get me wrong it's good, but I wonder if there is some ...
Zippy Cyan Degenerate
  09/28/22
Good point. I'm stuck on a call but I'll think on it.
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
...
Swashbuckling Pink Place Of Business Brunch
  09/28/22
Tweaked it a bit to up the homo/longing subtext: With eye...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
ty
Zippy Cyan Degenerate
  09/28/22
that doesnt work. The problem, as you can probably see,...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/28/22
It's a very personal poem about a topic that means a lot to ...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
well there are ways to make it more like that. but youve du...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/28/22
...
Zippy Cyan Degenerate
  01/10/23
...
ruby excitant nursing home
  11/10/22
...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
You don't have to neg-bump him, bro
dashing anal center volcanic crater
  09/28/22
I want people to read my potato poem.
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
...
violent pearly selfie
  09/28/22
Interesting. Best I can do is try to control quality. IMO it...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
I still don't get why out of all that chapbook he picked tha...
Chrome medicated property
  09/28/22
Potatobagging.
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
...
Chrome medicated property
  09/28/22
Actually that wasn't in the chapbook. I figured folks here ...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/28/22
yes, please post more.
irradiated seedy alpha cuckold
  09/28/22
...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
...
dashing anal center volcanic crater
  09/28/22
ty plz analyze these too http://www.autoadmit.com/thread...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
okay very interesting. what is GP3?
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/28/22
https://openai.com/api/
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
With eyes that see the whole world, they spin DONT OPEN W...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/28/22
Thanks. Re: "night's shade," I'll note potatoes ar...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
Great! well then you have to use it! but make better use. ...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/28/22
I'm lol'ing imagining SP screaming this all-caps crit at his...
dashing anal center volcanic crater
  09/28/22
It's not so different from partner redlines I've seen. Brief...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/28/22
I know our formatting options are limited on XO, but it's th...
dashing anal center volcanic crater
  09/28/22
i figured the obnoxiousness of the critique (no one really l...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/28/22
when you feel a line "just works," the sound is pa...
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/28/22
...
dashing anal center volcanic crater
  09/28/22
why not?
irradiated seedy alpha cuckold
  09/28/22
hats off to ya bro. I have no idea whether it is a good poem...
Swashbuckling Pink Place Of Business Brunch
  09/28/22
...
Zippy Cyan Degenerate
  01/10/23
Didn't the board find a collection of your poems at some poi...
Impressive self-centered space potus
  09/28/22
Some say that man was made out of clay, Created by God in o...
milky boyish spot
  09/28/22
Nailed it
Offensive electric telephone dilemma
  09/28/22
*awards you xo’s highest honor, the Pomme de Terre*
irradiated seedy alpha cuckold
  09/28/22
...
ruby excitant nursing home
  09/29/22
Was the "Raincoat" poem yours, or just just 180 XO...
Ivory rambunctious business firm generalized bond
  09/29/22
CQ
ruby excitant nursing home
  11/17/22
...
ruby excitant nursing home
  11/17/22
Are you done with your most recent paranoid delusion break, ...
ruby excitant nursing home
  11/29/22
Im working on an opening statement now man
Rose vigorous electric furnace
  11/29/22


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 9:53 AM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

I poasted it on here a few years ago.

I had graduated from college and my best buds were scattered all over, and I missed them a lot. I guess, reading over it now, I guess I loved them (no homo).

Anyway, this is the little poem, which some of you have seen before:



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45237278)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:30 PM
Author: Flushed Contagious Prole Theater Stage

To be fair,

lol fag

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240925)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:30 PM
Author: irradiated seedy alpha cuckold



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240928)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:27 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240906)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:29 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

Potatoes spin around in the ground?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240912)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:29 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

It’s magic

actually the line fits though. Read it again. There’s gonna be rotation. Turning. But not spinning. I didn’t say spinning.

I was smart. Labored on it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240921)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:33 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

The spinning tuber seems to me to present a pretty severe tonal problem. It just seems silly, like it's a line about boner police's dead ancestors being upset at him dating someone like GJR. (The potatoes were spinning in their graves!)

And the "rate and berate", etc. smacks of faggy Ginsburg/Walt Whitman-inflected junk.

Not my cup of tea.

But, yaknow, poetry is hard.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240945)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:34 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

Read it again. In the context of a developing root or tuber which will indeed turn and unwind albeit very slowly as it grows. I didn’t use the word spin either which suggests speed. I said turn right before earth. Ur sound. And then tuber after that. See above poast from me as well. Writers of poems are terrible explainers but I am asking you to see the movement which is otherwise undetectable.

who the fuck knows. But at least get the words right before you say a line is silly.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240955)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:38 PM
Author: galvanic church building

No you plant potatoes a certain oriemtation so the plant goes upward when it germinates lol i just harvested 2 burlap sacks of them this weekend you're done here

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240983)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:39 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

Yeah, I don't think he knows the mechanics of potatoes.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240990)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:43 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

The funny thing is neither of us are wrong.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241018)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:45 PM
Author: irradiated seedy alpha cuckold

“Neither of us IS” Learn to speak English, genius.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241028)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:47 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

I’m not a words guy

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241041)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:41 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

It goes upward but there is also rotation albeit slowly. The roots expanding force a slow rotation and also the growing mass against the soil effects a displacement.

This is seriously what I considered at the time.

But a poem is nonsense anyway and you may be right who the fuck knows. I think I’m right because of the nature of the stuff I know but who knows.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241002)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:41 PM
Author: Chrome medicated property

"But a poem is nonsense anyway"

uh

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241005)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:56 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

I accept that you've described your thought process, but a poet must find the objective correlative.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241081)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:58 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

Yeah never quite got that. The one and the other go back and forth interacting with each other during the course of the construction of the poem in my humble opinion. But yes Keats was a god.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241094)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:39 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

You speak of a "stone" that is like a "tuber" that "turns in the earth". The image is of a potato revolving about like a breakdancer, or as if it were riding an invisible lazy Susan. You can "turn" soil to bring something buried to the surface, but then it's the _soil_ getting turned.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240986)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:43 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

See my other poasts.

It was important that the rotation of the stone go slowly. Like how plants grow but slower than we can see

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241015)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:36 PM
Author: dashing anal center volcanic crater

potatoes spinning in their graves tp

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240968)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:29 PM
Author: vibrant crawly stage round eye

I prefer the 14 words

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240917)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:30 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

Less gay I guess. But not by much.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240923)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:36 PM
Author: vibrant crawly stage round eye

Have you ever seen Adam’s cock?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240972)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:37 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

We were fraternity brothers so you tell me

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240975)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:40 PM
Author: vibrant crawly stage round eye

I don’t know, I didn’t go to college. Does it mean you sucked his cock?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240997)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:41 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

It does not mean that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241007)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:42 PM
Author: vibrant crawly stage round eye

So you saw it but you didn’t suck it?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241009)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:37 PM
Author: galvanic church building

Really uniquely gay and terrible IMO thanks OP

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45240976)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:44 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

Just glad you read it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241023)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:48 PM
Author: Insane transparent orchestra pit corn cake

Really bad. Were you thinking about his Idaho tuber?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241042)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:50 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

Lol I dunno man. Don’t think so but it definitely suggests that doesn’t it. Probably envy in there also.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241056)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:59 PM
Author: Insane transparent orchestra pit corn cake

Wow my guy. My dude, wow.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241099)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:55 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

I wrote a silly poem about potatoes dancing. Please enjoy:

With eyes that see the whole world, they spin

Potatoes. Their speed a melody unto itself.

They are the hidden dancers, those submerged

Esculent ones that keep the world alive.

They are night's shade, revolving like the moon,

Till daybreak when they're forced to face the sun.

These are the spuds and tubers, humble and low

root vegetables that we overlook.

Before they're boiled, or roasted, or mashed--

They gyre and revolve in their own underground ball.

And yet we never spy them dance, these spuds--

though they free us from famine with such love.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241075)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:57 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

Clearly an interesting first draft and you are having fun. It’s a tiny bit better than your last one too.

See! It’s a fun hobby.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241086)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 7:58 PM
Author: Chrome medicated property

i see what u did there with "eyes", inter alia. nice.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241092)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 8:00 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

TY. even worked in mash[ed potatoes]/dance & a reference to that book on potatoes I read, "Propitious Esculent". But forgot to include reference to The Potato Diet. Oh, well.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241103)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 8:00 PM
Author: Chrome medicated property

i was wondering if you had to crack a thesaurus for esculent lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241108)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 8:01 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

nah, just read an encomium to the potato. As one does.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Propitious_Esculent

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241115)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 27th, 2022 8:02 PM
Author: Chrome medicated property

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45241118)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:42 PM
Author: Zippy Cyan Degenerate

Don't get me wrong it's good, but I wonder if there is some way to lace the potato imagery with homosexual longing?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245574)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:48 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

Good point. I'm stuck on a call but I'll think on it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245616)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:23 PM
Author: Swashbuckling Pink Place Of Business Brunch



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245821)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:27 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

Tweaked it a bit to up the homo/longing subtext:

With eyes that see the whole world, they spin

Potatoes. Their speed a melody unto itself.

They are closeted dancers, those submerged

Esculent ones that keep the world alive.

They are night's shade, revolving like the moon,

Till daybreak when they're forced to face the sun.

These are the spuds and tubers, girthy and full

root vegetables I can't overlook.

Before they're boiled, or roasted, or mashed--

They gyre and revolve around their underground balls.

And women never spy them dance, these spuds--

though they free us from famine with such love.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245838)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:31 PM
Author: Zippy Cyan Degenerate

ty

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245873)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:31 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

that doesnt work.

The problem, as you can probably see, is youve got one basic image--turning potatoes--and you cant throw in things like doors and closets into the picture or we get a mishmash.

I would maybe play with something about the indiscriminancy of their reproductive process, or how their reproduction does not require an opposite ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245875)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:33 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

It's a very personal poem about a topic that means a lot to me: an underground gay disco filled with dancing potatoes. I wouldn't expect you to get it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245885)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:40 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

well there are ways to make it more like that. but youve dug yourself a hole with the tone so far that wont really get you there.

i kind of like the idea of talking about potatoes as gay dudes in a disco. youd have to come at it from an entirely different angle though to start. I wouldnt know where to begin on something like that. probably how they lay low during the day and then ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245932)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 10th, 2023 12:03 PM
Author: Zippy Cyan Degenerate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45768831)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 10th, 2022 7:25 AM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45470730)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 1:29 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245048)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:39 PM
Author: dashing anal center volcanic crater

You don't have to neg-bump him, bro

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245553)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:40 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

I want people to read my potato poem.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245559)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:46 PM
Author: violent pearly selfie



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245603)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:47 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

Interesting. Best I can do is try to control quality. IMO it is a drafting tool, not a replacement for sense.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245609)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:46 PM
Author: Chrome medicated property

I still don't get why out of all that chapbook he picked that one. So yeah, you're basically teabagging him in halo 1 multi-player at this point.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245605)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:47 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

Potatobagging.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245612)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 2:49 PM
Author: Chrome medicated property



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245625)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 28th, 2022 3:13 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

Actually that wasn't in the chapbook. I figured folks here had seen the chapbook so I wanted to put one up from a different perspective. A very early poem, as I said.

As to Adolf's effort, as I said it's a good first draft of something. He will need to figure out exactly what he is trying to do with it, as it is pretty inchoate. He will need to work on the rhythm of the lines and make some more interesting efforts in terms of sound parallelism. Some of the line breaks don't make a lot of sense. Ultimately he would need to ask himself what he is trying to write about? Just something silly or trivial -- if a flight of imagination we need more flight -- if nothing else why not? There's no self examination in the work--it is effectively still surface level. Those are initial criticisms. I will take a look and poast more.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245741)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:14 PM
Author: irradiated seedy alpha cuckold

yes, please post more.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245750)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:14 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245753)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:34 PM
Author: dashing anal center volcanic crater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245890)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:15 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

ty

plz analyze these too http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196456&forum_id=2#45225539



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245756)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:29 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

okay very interesting. what is GP3?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245851)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:30 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

https://openai.com/api/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245861)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:24 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

With eyes that see the whole world, they spin

DONT OPEN W EYES PUN, SAVE THAT FOR FURTHER -- THE LINE BREAK AND POTATOES PART DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

Potatoes. Their speed a melody unto itself.

tHIS LINE IS TOO OVERTLY "POETICAL"--ARE WE TALKING ABOUT "SPINNING" OR SINGING? aND HOW CAN SPEED BE A MELODY. IF ITS VARIABLE? dOES IT MAKE A NOISE?

They are the hidden dancers, those submerged

Esculent ones that keep the world alive.

GOOD.

They are night's shade, revolving like the moon,

Till daybreak when they're forced to face the sun.

I LIKE THE NIGHTS SHADE BUT IT DOESNT WORK AS YOUVE USED IT. NIGHT SHADE THE MUSHROOM -- BUT HOW ARE THE NIGHTS SHADE IF THEY ARE UNDERGROUND WHERE THE MOONLIGHT CANT REACH THEM

AND WHY ARE THEY FORCED TO FACE ANYTHING. THEY ARE UNDERGROUND, NO? REVOLVING LIKE THE MOON--HOW SO?

These are the spuds and tubers, humble and low

OKAY BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE THE AND? ARE WE NOW TALKING ABOUT OTHER TUBERS BESIDES POTATOES AS WELL?

ALSO the function of this line makes it RIPE for assonance which you should exploit more. ITS A FUNCTIONAL ANNOUNCEMENT TYPE OF LINE SO YOU HAVE TO FORCE THE INTENSITY OF THE WORDS SELECTED. AND ONE EASY WAY TO DO THAT IS THROUGH SOUND.

root vegetables that we overlook.

APPARENTLY YES? YOUVE ARGUABLY MOVED AWAY FROM TALKING ABOUT POTATOES TO ALL "ROOT VEGETABLES" AND THE "WE" --LECTURING ALL OF US MIGHT OR MGIHT NOT WORK--NOT SURE IT DOES HERE

Before they're boiled, or roasted, or mashed--

They gyre and revolve in their own underground ball.

I READ BALL AS HALL HERE. SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT. BALL HAS DIFFERENT CONNOTATIONS -- red bouncy ball -- potatoes arent round like that--AND UNDERGROUND HALL IS SORT OF MORE MAGIC GNOME LIKE MAYBE

And yet we never spy them dance, these spuds--

DONT SAY SPUD AGAIN. FIND ANOTHER NEW FUNNY WORD. AND IS THE LINE REALLY NECESSARY? I DONT THINK DANCE I THINK GIMBLE OR THRUM. "Gimble" is better as it couples with gyre above and that of course is jabberwocky which is a signal that you are trying something whimsical. I DONT THINK WE NEED AND YET WE NEVER SPY THEM DANCE AT ALL TO BE HONEST.

though they free us from famine with such love.

AGAIN, TOO OVERT. I THINK YOU WOULD BE BETTER SERVED WITH A DOUBLE KENNING TO END--AND I GET TIRED OF THE WE/US PERPSECTIVE --

AS I SAID, A GOOD EFFORT. VERY VERY RESPECTABLE FOR A FEW MINUTES WORK.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245827)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:29 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

Thanks. Re: "night's shade," I'll note potatoes are a member of the nightshade family.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245848)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:33 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

Great! well then you have to use it! but make better use. Use it as a pun maybe. There's no shade of night, or night shades kin?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245882)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:36 PM
Author: dashing anal center volcanic crater

I'm lol'ing imagining SP screaming this all-caps crit at his computer screen

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245902)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:37 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

It's not so different from partner redlines I've seen. Brief is about an anti-tying arrangement and you get comments like:

NIGHT SHADE THE MUSHROOM -- BUT HOW ARE THE NIGHTS SHADE IF THEY ARE UNDERGROUND WHERE THE MOONLIGHT CANT REACH THEM

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245919)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:43 PM
Author: dashing anal center volcanic crater

I know our formatting options are limited on XO, but it's the mental image that sprang to mind

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245953)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:41 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

i figured the obnoxiousness of the critique (no one really likes critiques even though they can massively help) matched the abnoxiousness of all caps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245938)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:47 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

when you feel a line "just works," the sound is part of what puts it together.

For example:

They are the hidden dancers, those submerged

Esculent ones that keep the world alive.

There's a classic set of meter that is working there in those two to add extra power to the line.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245976)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:20 PM
Author: dashing anal center volcanic crater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245808)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 2:45 PM
Author: irradiated seedy alpha cuckold

why not?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245597)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:30 PM
Author: Swashbuckling Pink Place Of Business Brunch

hats off to ya bro. I have no idea whether it is a good poem or not-- not my bag. Seems pretty interesting with potatoes and not staying put and stuff. However, I would be interested to know how it was received. I think I am a pretty sensitive dude-- a fag, if you will-- and I would think it a little weird if one of my friends sent me this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245866)



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Date: January 10th, 2023 12:05 PM
Author: Zippy Cyan Degenerate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45768843)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 3:37 PM
Author: Impressive self-centered space potus

Didn't the board find a collection of your poems at some point? I think that was when they first realized you did the MFA (or whatever the degree is called)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45245913)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 8:45 PM
Author: milky boyish spot

Some say that man was made out of clay,

Created by God in one day.

But I know better,

He’s just a big ‘tater,

Or the apple of earth if you’re gay.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45247510)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 9:52 PM
Author: Offensive electric telephone dilemma

Nailed it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45247794)



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Date: September 28th, 2022 10:02 PM
Author: irradiated seedy alpha cuckold

*awards you xo’s highest honor, the Pomme de Terre*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45247843)



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Date: September 29th, 2022 7:31 AM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45249334)



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Date: September 29th, 2022 7:36 AM
Author: Ivory rambunctious business firm generalized bond

Was the "Raincoat" poem yours, or just just 180 XO parody?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45249345)



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Date: November 17th, 2022 3:19 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

CQ

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45507965)



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Date: November 17th, 2022 3:19 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45507961)



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Date: November 29th, 2022 4:27 PM
Author: ruby excitant nursing home

Are you done with your most recent paranoid delusion break, sp?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45560028)



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Date: November 29th, 2022 4:54 PM
Author: Rose vigorous electric furnace

Im working on an opening statement now man

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5200370&forum_id=2#45560147)