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Johnsmeyer calling Suze Orman w/ "Scream" voice distorter

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Fiercely-loyal boistinker
  06/11/14
You should've been a comedy writer
lemon heady church coffee pot
  06/11/14
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silver plaza cumskin
  06/11/14
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Frozen self-centered pocket flask
  06/11/14
Suze: "sir, can I ask how tall you are." *very ...
lemon heady church coffee pot
  06/11/14
LOL
Frozen self-centered pocket flask
  06/11/14
laughing & convlusing & foamign at mouth at work lmf...
Fiercely-loyal boistinker
  06/11/14
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razzle-dazzle bbw
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lemon heady church coffee pot
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Bearded Location
  06/12/14
holy shit
brass tank
  06/12/14
Holy shit screaming/vomiting
Marvelous Sooty Cuck
  06/12/14
JFC
lemon heady church coffee pot
  06/12/14
i really dont know why but this cracks me the eff up
razzle-dazzle bbw
  06/13/14
Well to start, you have Suze Orman neighing a complete non-s...
Frozen self-centered pocket flask
  06/13/14
TY FOR YOUR SERVICE
lemon heady church coffee pot
  06/13/14
...
lemon heady church coffee pot
  06/13/14
Poast of the year
Lascivious sienna cruise ship associate
  06/13/14
this is scholarship
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Loool 180
razzle-dazzle bbw
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suze orman keeping steady, unconcerned eye contact into the ...
sick field trump supporter
  06/13/14
I read this with the Charlie Kelly voice
Mauve University
  06/13/14
whoa
brass tank
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180
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lol you're like the judge who wrote the Pepsi Points opinion...
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How did I miss this?
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copper curious stage
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floppy self-absorbed turdskin indian lodge
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there is some true comedic talent on this bort
Azure abode chad
  08/06/15
lol damn dude, nice work
contagious fluffy property voyeur
  08/06/15
the real important part is that this only took 12 minutes to...
copper curious stage
  10/08/15
curly phone cord that's way too long really hit home
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this poa was clearly made w/ genuine love
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this is the best poast on xo
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Suze purses her lips, furrows her brow and nods her head s...
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1 mother fucking 180
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this cracks me up every time i read it
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Nice find!
talented flickering masturbator
  10/08/15
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1Re4VERqiZe How it went down:
talented flickering masturbator
  10/08/15
That's pretty good.
emerald big-titted round eye
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Thank
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lol tyft
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Soul-stirring National
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fuchsia coiffed legal warrant
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Lascivious sienna cruise ship associate
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Frozen self-centered pocket flask
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onyx aggressive foreskin
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Multi-colored Purple Factory Reset Button
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Soul-stirring National
  04/04/15
has johnsmeyer seen this
brass tank
  08/05/15
He wrote it
Chocolate Tanning Salon
  11/07/16
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  06/15/21
good work ITT fellas
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LNAO
seedy address
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  08/15/15
this is one of those threads that I wish I could explain IRL...
copper curious stage
  08/06/15
My coworkers don't know why I'm laughing so hard.
Haunting trailer park quadroon
  08/06/15
title + 5'9 post + explanation are back-to-back-to-back unmi...
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jfc. haven't laughed that hard since brownstone/mcbeef.
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Thank you for your service
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metal stimulating laser beams faggotry
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Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:36 PM
Author: Fiercely-loyal boistinker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25733527)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:38 PM
Author: lemon heady church coffee pot

You should've been a comedy writer

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25733532)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:38 PM
Author: silver plaza cumskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25733535)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:39 PM
Author: Frozen self-centered pocket flask



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25733537)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:40 PM
Author: lemon heady church coffee pot

Suze: "sir, can I ask how tall you are."

*very long pause*

Robot/monster voice: " five nine"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25733549)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:40 PM
Author: Frozen self-centered pocket flask

LOL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25733551)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:41 PM
Author: Fiercely-loyal boistinker

laughing & convlusing & foamign at mouth at work lmfao

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25733555)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 4th, 2015 3:56 PM
Author: Mustard trip public bath puppy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#27619755)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:59 PM
Author: razzle-dazzle bbw



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25733697)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 12:11 AM
Author: Lascivious sienna cruise ship associate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25733775)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 6:22 PM
Author: lemon heady church coffee pot



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25738401)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 6:23 PM
Author: Arousing doobsian pisswyrm



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25738402)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 6:23 PM
Author: Bearded Location



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25738403)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 6:36 PM
Author: brass tank

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25738512)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 6:38 PM
Author: Marvelous Sooty Cuck

Holy shit screaming/vomiting

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25738527)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 8:23 PM
Author: lemon heady church coffee pot

JFC

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25739208)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:10 PM
Author: razzle-dazzle bbw

i really dont know why but this cracks me the eff up

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25743978)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:22 PM
Author: Frozen self-centered pocket flask

Well to start, you have Suze Orman neighing a complete non-sequitur of a question that hits at the linchpin of Johnsmeyer's tragic character: his height. Who knows why that has come up? Maybe PAYE? Maybe estate planning re a farm with gold statues? Maybe what to do with his minor league performance bonus? So we get a brilliant start.

Then we get stuck in the long pause purgatory, but it's a good purgatory. We know what might happen next and on first read, 8 times out of 10 we'll guess correctly. But during the long pause your anticipation wells up. You can envision Johnsmeyer nervously fumbling with the Scream robot voice machine pressed against an old landline phone with a curly cord that's way, way too long in a dark Manhattan basement closet apartment, thinking of whether to answer truthfully and whether the Scream robot voice machine is actually working to cover his identity. It's not that he's weird, he's just shy, a little embarrassed and wants anonymity. It's really absurd, but you give the little guy the benefit of the doubt and hope he doesn't hang up out of fear while pissing his pants. Besides, chances are he already pissed his pants after the big Suze asked him about his relationship status, which prompted him to look up at an out of focus picture of some girl named Dutchess that's the only thing on his otherwise bare windowless walls.

You see all this in the long pause which is then pierced by the Scream robot voice as it responds "five nine" which is hilarious because it's earnestly delivered in such an bizarre manner. You can hear the voice clearly in your head while envisioning Johnsmeyer in his apartment and Suze and her producers in the studio wondering wtf kind of savant is on the other end of the line. But it's doubly hilarious because we all know Johnsy boy is really five seven, on a good day.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25744019)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:25 PM
Author: lemon heady church coffee pot

TY FOR YOUR SERVICE

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25744029)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:29 PM
Author: lemon heady church coffee pot



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25744049)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:30 PM
Author: Lascivious sienna cruise ship associate

Poast of the year

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25744051)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:31 PM
Author: turquoise mad-dog skullcap depressive

this is scholarship

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25744053)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:32 PM
Author: razzle-dazzle bbw

Loool 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25744063)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:35 PM
Author: sick field trump supporter

suze orman keeping steady, unconcerned eye contact into the camera during the pause

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25744079)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:42 PM
Author: Mauve University

I read this with the Charlie Kelly voice

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25744101)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:53 PM
Author: brass tank

whoa

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25744164)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:59 PM
Author: Arousing doobsian pisswyrm



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25744191)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 8:33 PM
Author: fuchsia coiffed legal warrant



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25745855)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 10:55 PM
Author: Fiercely-loyal boistinker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25746687)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 14th, 2015 5:47 PM
Author: fuchsia coiffed legal warrant



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#27315083)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 4th, 2015 4:04 PM
Author: Appetizing plum library

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#27619800)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 5th, 2015 10:01 PM
Author: Tan gaping locus



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28487531)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 5th, 2015 11:57 PM
Author: abusive lavender partner



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28488640)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 9:24 AM
Author: Haunting trailer park quadroon



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28489891)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 9:28 AM
Author: fragrant beta whorehouse old irish cottage

lol you're like the judge who wrote the Pepsi Points opinion from 1L contracts

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28489907)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 9:39 AM
Author: primrose underhanded theater stage

How did I miss this?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28489936)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 10:43 AM
Author: Sexy keepsake machete



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28490163)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 1:33 PM
Author: copper curious stage



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28491214)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 1:34 PM
Author: floppy self-absorbed turdskin indian lodge



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28491223)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 11:56 PM
Author: Azure abode chad

there is some true comedic talent on this bort

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28497490)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 11:59 PM
Author: contagious fluffy property voyeur

lol damn dude, nice work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28497522)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 8th, 2015 6:05 AM
Author: copper curious stage

the real important part is that this only took 12 minutes to write

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28924462)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 8th, 2015 6:39 AM
Author: Glittery claret office jewess

curly phone cord that's way too long really hit home

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28924483)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 18th, 2015 3:44 PM
Author: Spectacular chartreuse piazza internal respiration



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Date: November 18th, 2015 3:48 PM
Author: erotic vigorous brunch immigrant



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Date: December 17th, 2015 5:19 PM
Author: Tan gaping locus



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Date: December 17th, 2015 5:24 PM
Author: abusive lavender partner



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Date: March 14th, 2016 12:56 AM
Author: lake sex offender



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Date: May 31st, 2016 3:10 PM
Author: Haunting trailer park quadroon



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Date: May 31st, 2016 3:17 PM
Author: Bossy histrionic forum



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Date: July 24th, 2016 9:14 AM
Author: Lascivious sienna cruise ship associate



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Date: November 29th, 2016 6:59 PM
Author: emerald big-titted round eye



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Date: June 2nd, 2017 8:48 AM
Author: wine hall



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Date: June 3rd, 2017 12:59 PM
Author: harsh salmon parlor prole

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Date: December 10th, 2018 10:08 AM
Author: crimson temple nibblets



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Date: January 29th, 2018 10:12 PM
Author: honey-headed hissy fit



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Date: May 13th, 2018 9:50 PM
Author: odious violet filthpig



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Date: December 10th, 2018 10:08 AM
Author: crimson temple nibblets



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Date: June 25th, 2019 4:51 AM
Author: Ruby spot

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Date: December 25th, 2019 5:59 PM
Author: Frozen self-centered pocket flask



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Date: December 30th, 2019 8:37 PM
Author: fuchsia coiffed legal warrant

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Date: February 2nd, 2020 5:38 PM
Author: provocative vermilion legend market



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Date: June 26th, 2020 5:32 PM
Author: coral excitant double fault



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Date: March 27th, 2021 12:19 AM
Author: razzle codepig



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Date: June 15th, 2021 9:43 PM
Author: Sapphire Background Story Ticket Booth



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Date: June 21st, 2024 6:27 PM
Author: Frozen self-centered pocket flask



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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:12 PM
Author: Bat-shit-crazy institution police squad



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Date: June 13th, 2014 4:12 PM
Author: adventurous azn

Suze purses her lips, furrows her brow and nods her head sympathetically. She says 'Wellll...' in a manner indicating that she won't be able to provide any helpful advice.

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(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#25744273)



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Date: June 13th, 2014 8:22 PM
Author: lemon heady church coffee pot



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Date: June 21st, 2014 3:09 PM
Author: dashing heaven new version



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Date: April 4th, 2015 4:09 PM
Author: Mustard trip public bath puppy



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Date: August 5th, 2015 10:01 PM
Author: Tan gaping locus



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Date: June 13th, 2014 8:31 PM
Author: fuchsia coiffed legal warrant

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Date: June 21st, 2014 3:05 PM
Author: metal stimulating laser beams faggotry



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Date: June 21st, 2014 3:09 PM
Author: Outnumbered stag film gunner



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Date: December 7th, 2014 12:39 AM
Author: Soul-stirring National



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Date: February 14th, 2015 5:47 PM
Author: onyx aggressive foreskin



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Date: February 14th, 2015 5:49 PM
Author: emerald big-titted round eye



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Date: February 14th, 2015 5:49 PM
Author: supple hideous genital piercing mental disorder



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Date: February 14th, 2015 5:51 PM
Author: useless charcoal point place of business



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Date: April 4th, 2015 4:07 PM
Author: Boyish unhinged karate stock car



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Date: April 4th, 2015 4:09 PM
Author: Appetizing plum library

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Date: August 5th, 2015 11:56 PM
Author: aromatic den



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Date: August 6th, 2015 1:33 PM
Author: floppy self-absorbed turdskin indian lodge



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Date: October 8th, 2015 6:32 AM
Author: orchid base



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Date: October 8th, 2015 8:30 AM
Author: talented flickering masturbator

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Date: October 8th, 2015 8:33 AM
Author: talented flickering masturbator

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(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28924648)



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Date: October 8th, 2015 8:52 AM
Author: emerald big-titted round eye

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Date: October 8th, 2015 9:05 AM
Author: talented flickering masturbator

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Date: October 8th, 2015 9:13 AM
Author: razzle-dazzle bbw

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Date: December 17th, 2015 5:20 PM
Author: Tan gaping locus



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Date: October 18th, 2015 1:09 PM
Author: useless charcoal point place of business



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Date: October 31st, 2015 9:01 PM
Author: Sadistic affirmative action



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Date: December 17th, 2015 5:17 PM
Author: Tan gaping locus



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Date: March 14th, 2016 12:56 AM
Author: lake sex offender



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Date: August 12th, 2016 6:15 PM
Author: talented flickering masturbator



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Date: February 16th, 2017 4:33 PM
Author: Swashbuckling business firm



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Date: February 18th, 2017 3:08 PM
Author: bateful chapel



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Date: June 3rd, 2017 12:56 PM
Author: Sticky roast beef



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Date: June 4th, 2017 3:37 AM
Author: Wild digit ratio sound barrier



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Date: November 4th, 2017 12:25 PM
Author: Cruel-hearted Fat Ankles Native



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Date: December 3rd, 2017 2:09 PM
Author: Aquamarine crotch mad cow disease



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Date: April 30th, 2018 12:37 PM
Author: Racy sanctuary mexican



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Date: July 20th, 2018 7:58 PM
Author: Brindle adulterous travel guidebook roommate



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Date: October 18th, 2018 8:48 AM
Author: metal stimulating laser beams faggotry



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Date: December 10th, 2018 10:09 AM
Author: Overrated boltzmann ratface



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Date: January 10th, 2019 1:12 PM
Author: Brindle adulterous travel guidebook roommate



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Date: January 10th, 2019 1:13 PM
Author: Overrated boltzmann ratface



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Date: April 4th, 2019 10:20 AM
Author: Brindle adulterous travel guidebook roommate



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Date: June 25th, 2019 4:48 AM
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Date: July 13th, 2019 11:09 PM
Author: Brindle adulterous travel guidebook roommate



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Date: December 25th, 2019 5:29 PM
Author: Brindle adulterous travel guidebook roommate



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Date: December 25th, 2019 6:23 PM
Author: opaque selfie feces



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Date: December 25th, 2019 9:35 PM
Author: Pontificating saffron preventive strike idea he suggested



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Date: October 22nd, 2020 12:55 PM
Author: Submissive shrine



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Date: March 27th, 2021 12:04 AM
Author: Brindle adulterous travel guidebook roommate



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Date: June 13th, 2021 2:41 PM
Author: Pontificating saffron preventive strike idea he suggested



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Date: June 13th, 2021 3:09 PM
Author: motley house



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Date: November 4th, 2021 2:10 PM
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Date: February 3rd, 2022 12:54 PM
Author: Submissive shrine



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Date: April 17th, 2023 7:48 AM
Author: Submissive shrine



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Date: October 31st, 2023 4:54 PM
Author: flatulent spruce pit queen of the night



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Date: April 13th, 2025 8:00 AM
Author: Submissive shrine



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Author: fulano



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Date: June 12th, 2014 2:41 PM
Author: lemon heady church coffee pot



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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:11 PM
Author: 180 locale



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Date: June 13th, 2014 8:35 PM
Author: Soul-stirring National



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Date: June 13th, 2014 8:36 PM
Author: fuchsia coiffed legal warrant



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Date: June 26th, 2014 12:08 AM
Author: Lascivious sienna cruise ship associate



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Date: December 7th, 2014 12:31 AM
Author: Frozen self-centered pocket flask



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Date: March 28th, 2015 9:05 PM
Author: Frozen self-centered pocket flask



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Date: March 28th, 2015 9:07 PM
Author: onyx aggressive foreskin



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Date: March 28th, 2015 9:08 PM
Author: Multi-colored Purple Factory Reset Button



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Date: April 4th, 2015 4:24 PM
Author: Soul-stirring National



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Reply Favorite

Date: August 5th, 2015 8:49 PM
Author: brass tank

has johnsmeyer seen this

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28486974)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 7th, 2016 10:43 PM
Author: Chocolate Tanning Salon

He wrote it

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Reply Favorite

Date: June 15th, 2021 9:41 PM
Author: Bipolar principal's office



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Date: August 5th, 2015 10:03 PM
Author: Cocky soggy church building

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Reply Favorite

Date: August 5th, 2015 11:54 PM
Author: seedy address

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Reply Favorite

Date: August 15th, 2015 7:54 PM
Author: Laughsome burgundy center idiot



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Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 9:22 AM
Author: copper curious stage

this is one of those threads that I wish I could explain IRL.

I really like it here

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Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 9:24 AM
Author: Haunting trailer park quadroon

My coworkers don't know why I'm laughing so hard.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28489896)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 9:45 AM
Author: copper curious stage

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Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 4:53 PM
Author: Haunting trailer park quadroon



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Date: July 24th, 2016 9:14 AM
Author: erotic vigorous brunch immigrant



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Date: April 9th, 2021 9:46 PM
Author: copper curious stage



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Date: August 6th, 2015 11:57 PM
Author: brass tank



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Date: July 13th, 2019 11:10 PM
Author: Brindle adulterous travel guidebook roommate



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Date: August 7th, 2015 4:34 PM
Author: Haunting trailer park quadroon



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Date: August 15th, 2015 7:36 PM
Author: copper curious stage



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Date: August 15th, 2015 7:57 PM
Author: crystalline exciting french chef

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Date: September 8th, 2015 2:51 PM
Author: Haunting trailer park quadroon



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Date: October 8th, 2015 6:08 PM
Author: talented flickering masturbator



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Date: October 8th, 2015 6:18 PM
Author: Maroon aphrodisiac ceo

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(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2Firm#28928672)



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Date: October 8th, 2015 8:30 PM
Author: talented flickering masturbator



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Date: October 8th, 2015 9:47 PM
Author: talented flickering masturbator



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Date: December 17th, 2015 3:42 PM
Author: Haunting trailer park quadroon



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Date: December 17th, 2015 5:26 PM
Author: fuchsia coiffed legal warrant



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Date: March 14th, 2016 12:46 AM
Author: iridescent disrespectful really tough guy sweet tailpipe



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Date: March 14th, 2016 12:53 AM
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