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CharlesXII drawing the Battle of Austerlitz on napkins for his date
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: February 4th, 2018 9:20 AM Author: Disturbing aromatic set *draws big line on napkin*
"The French forces were arrayed here. As you'll recall from our discussion of the Ulm Campaign over the appetizers, Napoleon had just captured a big chunk of the Austrian army and occupied the Austrian capital of Vienna, but he feigned confusion and weakness in his own ranks by intentionally evacuating the Pratzen heights"
*draws circle, labels it "PRATZEN"*
"Now here on the far right of the Allied lines, guarding the road to Olmutz, was a unit commanded by General Bagration. Remember that name, it's going to come up again later." |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:23 AM Author: fluffy university "Remember that name, it's going to come up again later."
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:00 AM Author: Disturbing aromatic set *grabs some more food from the charcuterie plate*
"So this piece of salami is Marshal Lannes." |
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*sticks toothpick into salami slice* |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:39 AM Author: Disturbing aromatic set two hours into it, a small crowd has gathered
"...so yeah, that's pretty much how the War of the Third Coalition ended, here in the heart of Bohemia. Waitress, Czech please? No pun intended." |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:47 AM Author: Disturbing aromatic set *Charles signs check, looks at date*
"So, uh, do you want to come back to my place and learn about the Treaty of Pressburg?" |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 11:54 AM Author: Disturbing aromatic set Charles's date is hanging off his arm as they walk to his Arlington, VA apartment, running her fingers through his remaining hair. She can't wait to get him all alone.
But, to her surprise, there are two dudes in the apartment. It's mance rayder and bob woodward pu. And they're wearing britches.
"I think the best way to learn about the Treaty of Pressburg is to reenact the negotiations", Charles said. "I've invited my friends over to serve as the Austrian foreign minister Count von Cobenzl and Emperor Francis"
He then puts a three corner hat on his shocked date. "You will be playing Napoleon. Remember the crushing victory you just won, and consider what kind of concessions you can extract. If you need help, I will be role playing your foreign minister Charles Maurice de Talleyrand but lets see how much you can do on your own" |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:18 AM Author: buff foreskin sandwich Krampus and Mance, how do you know so much about this battle? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35319607) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:31 AM Author: impressive garrison How do you not? The first half of War & Peace leads up to Austerlitz? Every Russian school boy knows every detail (and half the girls). Bagration is more famous in Russia than Sherman is in the US. Nigger was so famous they named a WW2 offensive after him 130 years later. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35319670) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:35 AM Author: Disturbing aromatic set lol it's literally one of the most famous battles in world history. it is widely considered Napoleon's greatest victory. Robert E. Lee sought to imitate it during the Civil War, and arguably did at Chancellorsville (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35319688) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:36 AM Author: buff foreskin sandwich but how do you know so much about the details
high school history class? |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:37 AM Author: impressive garrison He's not a Yankee retard. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35319715) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:38 AM Author: Disturbing aromatic set lol no. I re-read the Battle of Austerlitz wikipedia article every few years to remind myself of the details. Same with the Battle of Jena-Auerstadt and a few others.
Also General Bagration, as ARE Reptile pointed out, is famous because in WWII the Red Army named a major anti-Nazi operation for him. When CharlesXII tells his date to remember the name Bagration, he's setting up a storyarc where he keeps seeing this girl and keeps lecturing her on Russian military history until at least the Eastern Front of World War II |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 4:57 PM Author: excitant hateful forum Don't forget Bagration's pivotal role at the Battle of Borodino. We can buy some pie for dessert and use the slices to represent the fleches while a bowl of ice cream can be the Great Redoubt. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35321941) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 12:50 PM Author: excitant hateful forum Lee's pursuit of an Austerlitz-style victory possibly lost the South the war, imo. Technology had rendered such "win the war in one day" shock victories impractical. Even in his big win at Chancellorsville Lee's army was hopelessly blown out by the end and the Union Army was both intact and ready for additional offensive action if it had been ordered. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35320508) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 12:52 PM Author: Disturbing aromatic set Lee needed to defeat Union morale, not the Union army. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35320523) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:01 PM Author: bateful vermilion site brethren CR.
He needed to take DC. The south controlling DC and setting their capital there would have changed the war completely and likely would have resulted in foreign intervention. |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:11 PM Author: excitant hateful forum Yes, and frankly the best way to do that was for the Union army to pitch itself into meatgrinder offensive actions that killed thousands and failed to win big victories. Lee could not shatter the Army of the Potomac in the field, and his efforts to do so only lowered the lifespan of his army. The low point of Union morale was arguably in mid-1864, when we know they were close to victory but when actual onlookers just saw huge battles killing thousands of men with no clear outcome. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35320662) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 12:59 PM Author: bateful vermilion site brethren It wasnt technology that changed warfare, it was the mass mobilization of the population. Armies could be thoroughly routed, but the State can survive.
The Russians were the first to learn this and make the most out of it. |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:01 PM Author: Disturbing aromatic set Mass mobilization was revolutionary France's big innovation bro...the Conscription Act was a big milestone. Every citizen a soldier!! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35320604) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:03 PM Author: bateful vermilion site brethren Sorry, meant to say they learned this lesson the best after Napoleon used mass mobilization so effectively. Cr. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35320615) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:14 PM Author: excitant hateful forum Mass mobilization itself is a technological shift, though. I'm referring to the effect of the railroad and steamship just as much as I'm referring to rifled muskets. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35320688) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:36 AM Author: Disturbing aromatic set "OMG Becky, his war game piece for Napoleon was a slice of Italian bread with honey smeared on top, because Napoleon was from Corsica and had honeybees on his imperial crest!"
"I know - he's so smart AND creative!" |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:37 PM Author: excitant hateful forum Angela looked at the directions on her phone again.
"Arrive at 2:30 pm, sharp. I only have 3 hours and we need to make every moment count."
Make every moment count? What was THAT supposed to mean, Angela thought. Was Charles thinking of...no, no, he'd made it very clear how he felt about those activities. Still, after she protested that she wanted some alone time together, he'd agreed that none of his strange lawyer friends would be around this time.
She stepped up to his apartment door and gave a knock.
"Come in, it's unlocked."
As she stepped in, Angela found herself confronted by a map...a very large map, with strange blue and red blocks on it.
https://cf.geekdo-images.com/images/pic298083_lg.jpg
"Howdy, Angela, great to see you. You mentioned wanting some alone time, so I thought we could follow-up on last week's discussion with a head-to-head board game."
Board game?, thought Angela. Charles had mentioned an interest in them, but this didn't look anything like Catan or Pandemic or even Risk.
"This," Charles said with unconcealed enthusiasm, "is Napoleon's Triumph. It's a board game specifically on the Battle of Austerlitz, and is the masterwork of Rachel Simmons."
"A girl made this?"
"Well, he was Bowen Simmons at the time, but transitioned to being a woman around 2014. Very strange, but the game is excellent. Since you were Napoleon last time, I figured I'd reverse things now and let you be the Allies. You enjoy numerical superiority, but are more limited in movement and are under pressure to attack the French."
"...Oh. But I was hoping since we're alone we might have a chance to-"
Charles interrupted her by handing her a 12-page pamphlet.
"These are the rules. You'll want to give them a close read while I prep dinner. They aren't long compared to most wargame rulesets but they're pretty dense. It'll all make sense when we start playing, trust me."
"This is splendid, Charles, really," Angela said. "But before we start, I thought maybe you'd like some wine. I brought one of the bottles I won at the church raffle!"
"That's great, but alcohol is poison." |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 5:04 PM Author: hairless pozpig "I think that Napoleon’s Triumph adapts well to team play. While I know that many gamers have difficulty in finding even one opponent, I do hope that folks will be able at some point to give this entertaining option a try." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35321976) |
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"Angela, there's at least three problems here. You can't declare a guard attack if your path is obstructed and, even if it wasn't, the attack LEADING units must be guard infantry units. But the larger issue is that move would be massively suboptimal even if it was legal." |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:35 AM Author: Razzle-dazzle anal church building circlehead Will CharlesXII ever find a woman like this? Or will his genes just be brutally culled from the gene pool?
I was a less extreme version of this as a kid, overflowing with random historical knowledge and looking for someone to share it with. I wish someone at some point had grabbed me by the shoulders, shaken me, and told me at least to try to be cool. |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:37 AM Author: Disturbing aromatic set to be fair, I wouldn't have been capable of making this thread and many of the detailed posts within it if there wasn't a little CharlesXII inside of me (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35326377) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:51 AM Author: excitant hateful forum I will never be cool in a million years. At best I can be interesting, impressive, and a good person to the best of my ability. If the end result of that is being culled, then so be it. I've had a good life so far. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35326477) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 8:05 AM Author: Razzle-dazzle anal church building circlehead Dude, a brilliant guy like you has a responsibility to procreate.
I think a lot about Jesus's parable of the servants who were given the talents. I expect that one day God will call upon me to explain what I did with what he gave me, and I hope I have a good answer to give him. Part of that is ensuring that my genes continue. I don't have any kids, and it might look to some like I had no path to having any, but I'm moving in that direction in my own circuitous way. Hopefully you are too. |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 9:29 AM Author: Shaky Main People I'm going to call flame on this one. If God wants specific men to reproduce, he should either make those people taller and with full heads of hair or rewire women so those aren't the two things they care about most. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35327863) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 9:36 AM Author: Razzle-dazzle anal church building circlehead (bitter incel rage watching Idiocracy) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35327905) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:03 PM Author: Shaky Main People Flame, I've never seen Idiocracy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35328977) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:24 PM Author: Disturbing aromatic set To be fair, I've seen lots of dorky board game loving guys like Charles find, marry, and mate with blue haired nerd girls. Some were even bald. Charles's religious scruples are likely the bigger obstacle.
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Date: February 5th, 2018 1:07 PM Author: Shaky Main People This is extremely rare. Any girl nerdy enough to play board games is constantly in social situations where the gender ratio is 10-15:1 and, as all girls do, has access to Chad on demand from her phone. Wifeing somebody with so many options is the dating equivalent of nabbing a SCOTUS clerkship. Sure, it happens because SOMEBODY has to get it, but it ain't gonna be you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35329504) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 1:48 PM Author: hairless pozpig doesn't mean the wife has to be into board games. does your wife poast? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35329884) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 2:35 PM Author: excitant hateful forum TBH the only shared interest I actually desire in a chick is reading non-trashy books (and they don't have to be the same books I read). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2Firm#35330260) |
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https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2019/11/russia-napoleon-scholar-confesses-dismembering-young-lover-191110145909187.html |
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